Quick note: This story does include some Gamer style elements. Outside of the first two chapters, posted here, they are minimal. They also have an in universe source. This is not a LitRPG.
The Gamer elements are an in universe thing provided by Batman's biggest fan as a way of allowing a regular guy the ability to sort of fill a set of bat-themed boots, because what other cheat lets you get great at everything? Of course, I think most people know that, whatever powers you might have, you can't really be as paranoid, as prepared, as GOOD as Batman. But sometimes, you gotta try.
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Always Be Yourself, Unless You Can Be Batman.
Then Be Batman.
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Observe.
Ethan Neilson: petty mugger. An occasional drug user, he feels pride in not falling into the cycle of abuse and debt that is common. Ethan works as a forklift operator at a warehouse that supplies chain convenience stores, but supplements his income with opportunistic mugging, breaking and entering, and petty theft. Currently armed with a stolen H&I snubnose .32 revolver in >average< condition.
I turned my attention to the other man.
Stewart McNally: auto mechanic. Coming home late, having stopped for drinks at a bar after work. Currently moderately intoxicated. Not married or in a relationship.
I dropped the skill. If I'd continued observing, I could have gotten more and more details, but the scene was pretty straightforward.
Mister McNally was headed home, only to be ordered at gunpoint into a side alley between two four storey apartment buildings. The mugging was more on impulse than anything really planned, as Neilson had noticed they were the only two on the street.
Unfortunately for Neilson, and fortunately for McNally, I had been sitting on the roof of a building up the street when it went down, and had quickly roofhopped to one of the buildings making the alley.
With a soft fwoosh of air past my stiffened cape, I landed quietly, though not soundlessly, behind the would-be mugger.
+50 Falling XP. +50 Landing XP. +50 Move Silently XP.
He whirled, but even with my sort of paltry Combat skill level, it was perfectly simple to grab his gun in one gauntleted hand, keeping it pointed away from anything vulnerable, and to grab the side of his neck in my other.
Strength is actually my worst body stat, but he was like a squirming child in my grip. A hard pinch to the nerve junction in his neck made him gasp and go weak, and my recently gained combat perk, Weapon Breaker, guided me in to squeeze the old revolver in just the right way so that with a crisp snap, the pawl and retaining pin broke, popping the cylinder out to the side, where more pressure warped the hinge to make it doubly useless. It would take more money than the gun was worth to fix it, now.
The gun fell from nerveless fingers and clattered to the alley pavement.
+150 Combat XP.
I ignored McNally as I zip-cuffed the mugger. The mechanic had been caught in the middle of fishing out his wallet, and kind of awkwardly stood there holding it while the events unfurled.
Once the mugger was properly trussed up, I lightly kicked the back of his knees and sat him roughly on the ground at the entrance to the alleyway. I glanced back at the almost victim. I hadn't finished the lenses yet, so he was actually able to meet my eyes, though I doubt he could see them clearly.
"You should call the cops to come get him," I growled in my best voice.
"Wha- Who are you?" he spluttered.
I fired my grapple gun up over the edge of the building, then retracted the line until I felt the hook catch.
"I'm Batman."
Then I reeled in at maximum speed, yanking myself into the night. Except I was a body length off the ground when I felt whatever I had hooked, probably an air conditioner, give way, and I dropped four feet with a grunted curse before the grapple hooked something else, probably the lip of the building, and I actually went up the side of the building.
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360 60 Batman XP.
Fuck!
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It was pretty late at night, and I was patrolling a mix of slums, and the slightly higher end commercial districts that border the slums. So far, it's been fairly quiet, crime wise. I broke into an apartment where I heard a violent domestic argument, dislocated the shoulder of and punched a guy unconscious, and gave the woman a card with the address of a women's shelter I've been supporting. I've also stopped one other mugging, though it was less direct, as the mugger gave up and scampered as soon as he realized he and his victim weren't alone on the street. Cowardly, but smart.
Lastly, I called the cops on, and then scared the shit out of, three guys breaking into an unoccupied apartment through the window. That was pretty fun. I killed the lights, targeted them one by one, and gave them a few bruises while keeping them too disoriented to figure out what was going on. Then I used a couple of glow sticks to let them see me, and ended up chasing them back outside. They got away before the cops got there, no real surprise there, because I didn't bother catching and tying them up.
No real point with petty, nonviolent crime, given the current state of Gotham.
No, this is my first night out. It's more about being seen a few times, and trying to get the hang of this 'Batman' shit.
Seriously, grapple guns, how the fuck do other Batmans always manage to hook something solid.
Oh, anyway. Hi. I'm Batman.
The worst Batman in the multiverse.
I was originally just a rando from a baseline, non-superhero world. One where DC Comics and Marvel Comics and Image Comics and various manga and all sorts of other entertainment media existed. You've heard of the 'isekai' concept, I'm sure. That's basically what happened.
In this world, a young Bruce Wayne, having finished his bachelors in Business at the age of 21, as well as various training trips around the world, fucking died.
Plane crash over the Atlantic. No way to Batman his way out of it.
But it was because of higher being interference. A personage as important as Batman isn't supposed to die from random bullshit. So another higher power interfered. I don't have the whole story, but apparently there was some sort of compromise agreement. Bruce Wayne stays dead, but gets revived with the mind of some shmuck. The rando asshole, me, has none of the qualities that would make a Batman, but I was allowed to have some meta knowledge.
Meta knowledge isn't enough to make a Batman out of a random asshole.
I was aware of the shit sandwich from the instant I was served. I would make a terrible Batman. Like, 50s TV show Batman is at an unattainable height for me. Given that Gotham, and also the world, and sometimes the universe itself needs Batman to play his part in saving it, I was not particularly happy about being set up to fail.
Obviously, I was still gonna try, because you don't turn down a 'get out of death free' card, but still.
Fortunately, I DID have some meta knowledge, and Batman has his fans. I screamed for help.
I got answered. We brainstormed the problem. And so I got a chance. The only thing I could think of that could turn a loser into an omnidisciplinary expert in literally everyfuckingthing.
If you have the patience to GRIND.
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"Bat Mite, how do other Batmans do it?" I asked, sitting on the roof of another building two blocks away, rubbing my shoulder. It had been wrenched a bit when I suddenly dropped and caught.
A tiny little man dressed in his own grey and black batman outfit popped into being on the roof beside me. Bat Mite is a fifth dimensional, generally multiversal being, and one of Batman's biggest fans. Kind of like Mister Mxyzptlk is for Superman, except not an asshole. Mxyzptlk seems to create problems for Superman for entertainment, and also probably to teach him flexibility, since Mxy is one of the few things Superman can't physically fight. Bat Mite did occasionally cause problems for Batman, but it was more in a 'I just want to see him win!' sort of way. The little dude is alright.
"The bat-grapple?" he asked.
"Yeah, you saw it slip, right? I can aim it with precision, but even concrete breaks sometimes. I aimed over the top of the building because that building was made of brick, and that low wall around the edge probably has low lateral strength."
Thank you, Construction skill. Need to get you back up to a better level.
Bat Mite scratched his chin thoughtfully, which was interesting to see. His avatar does look kinda cartoony.
"Hmm, I never noticed anything particularly unusual about it. The other Batfamily members all learned to do it, too. You may just not have enough skill in it." He looked around at all the rows of low buildings. "Also, they do tend to use it more around skyscrapers than townhouses and apartment blocks."
I nodded thoughtfully.
Bat Mite continued. "I'll see if I can work up a perk for it. Probably something either in the Gadget Use skill, or in the Batman stat. You're at a fifteen for Gadget Use, and you get a perk at 20, so that might be the fastest. Bu-ut, you're at a twelve for your Batman stat, and you've finally been getting experience for it again now that you're going out on patrol. It's only three points away instead of five, but I still bet you'll hit 20 in Gadget use before you get fifteen in Batman."
"Stats are more powerful than skills, but slower to level," I agreed. "Hey, unlike a lot of other gadgeteer heroes I've read about, Batman's stuff never fails him unless it's damaged by an enemy. Think there could be a perk where Bat-gadgets always work as intended, unless attacked? There's got to be some reason they always have 'bat' icons and 'bat' names."
He nodded. "Oh, definitely. That's a good one. But that's too powerful for a 5x stat perk."
Stats got perks every five levels, but generally speaking, the perks I got for multiples of five in my stats were less powerful than the ones at multiples of ten. Skills only got perks every 20 levels.
"But that's probably a bit too powerful for a perk for a single skill like Gadget Use, too. I think you'd need to combine some skills and relevel to get a perk like that. And then, level 10 would be the earliest you could get it."
An exception to the rule that skills got perks every 20 levels was if you leveled a bunch of related skills up to 20, then combined them, which was an option that popped up sometimes. I'd done it twice so far, with a bunch of martial arts skills and some other things like tactics, strategy, and logistics combining to form the Combat skill. I did it again with things like carpentry, bricklaying, welding, and other stuff combining to make the Construction skill. The new skill started at zero, which sucked. However, it got perks every five levels, like stats, and the skill was much more powerful than the previous ones, even in combination, because levels in it leveled up everything that could have gone into it, not just the skills that actually did.
So while I've only managed to get my Combat skill back up to a nine, that's a nine in everything that could be considered Combat. From exotic martial arts only known by a single user, to army leadership and tactics, to technical weapons. I could aim and fire a mad scientists bespoke space laser as well as I could use pressure point strikes as well as I could beat someone's ass with a yo-yo. Also I already got a perk from it, the Weapon Breaker perk that I used on that gun. For a 5x perk that's a pretty good one.
A nine wasn't great, but it wasn't bad. A 5 was 'amateur but knows how to do it', a 10 was 'basic professional', a 15 was 'skilled, probably the best in the area', a 20 was 'world class', and a 25 was 'basic human peak'. However, given that this is a superhero universe, it's not that difficult for someone to elevate themselves above basic human. Your average mad scientist villain was probably in the 30s for whatever weird gadget they based their persona around.
It still sucked to go from a 20 in several martial arts to a 0, even if the long term gains were worth it. I instinctually tucked my thumb into my fist on my first punch against a punching bag. I'd have broken it if I hadn't flailed and just kind of patted the bag.
So if I did want to combine my skills, I was looking at the time to level up several to at least 20. Inventor and Engineer were already over 20, but in addition to Gadget User, I probably also needed things like the other related hard sciences. Physics, Chemistry, Programming, maybe more, who were mostly in their teens. Then I'd be literally incompetent at using my gear until I had trained the skill back up.
It was going to be a hard choice when I got those opportunities in the future.
"You're also forgetting that you can upgrade the grapple," Bat Mite reminded me. "The launcher is good, but your grapple hook is kind of basic. Add some servos and some joints so that instead of just passively hooking, it actually grabs its target."
Hmm. Yeah. That's a good idea, actually.
"Maybe a van der Waals pad, too. Get some grip on slicker surfaces," I mused.
"You need to level up your chemistry and physics more for those, but I approve."
I pulled out a small plastic bottle of water from a belt pouch and quickly drained it before collapsing the bottle and putting it back. Roof hopping is thirsty work.
Honestly, I had my doubts about this whole 'patrol' thing. This is my first night out. The first active Batman things I've done since I've been in this world.
And generally speaking, vigilante justice is kinda hokey. I've probably spent somewhere around 25 million of the Wayne fortune preparing for this.
It's not like that's all I've done. I've made arrangements to support some more charities and organizations dedicated to getting people back on their feet, to the tune of probably twice what I've spent on gear and training.
But the problem with Gotham, at least, the big, actually largely fixable problem with the city, this early in the timeline, is the combination of police corruption and organized crime. Really, it's just straight up organized crime. The cops just happen to both be criminals and organized, and largely on the take from other gangs.
Actual mafia crime families dominate the city while smaller, weaker, street level gangs cause most of the direct misery. The fucking Falcones don't sell drugs on the street, they just import it, then sell to a host of large and small groups. Gotham's minority percentage, at least by the standards of 'minority' I'm used to, meaning black or foreign, is fairly low, so even a lot of the street gangs are like, Irish or something.
I know the Irish are foreign and have experienced quite a bit of discrimination. For that matter, so have the Italians. But from my future perspective, where skin color matters way more than literally any other factor, it's kind of weird. But that's the 90s for you.
1997, in fact.
I am a stranger in a strange land.
Anyway. What Gotham needs is external oversight, pulling out and imprisoning the corrupt justice and political figures, then major police reforms, then a massive anti-organized crime crackdown.
I'm working on it.
…I'm starting to work on it.
I'm planning to work on it. Like, actual planning. I am in the planning stage.
Gotham, thanks to its position over some sort of fucked up hellmouth/sleeping eldritch monster, is a pretty fucked up place. It literally needs a central figure to impede and frustrate the organized crime so they have less resources to counter when the corrupt justice department members get arrested and the police department gets cleaned out.
And that figure needs a reputation. An aura of fear and uncertainty.
To get to even the first boss, I have to grind and level up.
Which, unfortunately, means punching some muggers.
However, this isn't an MMO. Muggers don't spawn on every street, or respawn in a few minutes. The four actual crimes I've stopped tonight isn't actually that bad a result for me.
Mostly, I'm familiarizing myself with the area. Solid grapple points. Good places to hide. Places to park the Batcycle mark 1, which is literally just a fairly aggressive chopper style bike with armored saddlebags.
It was cheap, topping out at less than 20 grand with runflat tires and some security features. I'm not actually a big fan of chopper style bikes, but you have to admit, there's a certain iconic style to it, especially when you're in a Batman outfit. It's temporary anyway.
It's about four in the morning when I call it a night, park the motorcycle in a large moving van I've set up as a forward base, and take a fairly nondescript car back to the Manor.
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xxxxxxxxx Chapter Two
The Batcave is functional now. Still needs a good bit of work, but functional. I did most of the work myself, with Alfred's help. That's how my various construction related skills got high enough that I took the opportunity to merge them.
I don't want to do any more mission critical work until I've got my new combined skill back up into the teens, so Bat-infrastructure is currently on hold.
Let me tell you, having to do all the work of making a secret base yourself is a tremendous pain in the ass.
"Good morning, Master Bruce," Alfred greeted me as I exited the car in the underground but not-secret garage. "Welcome home. I trust it has been a productive night?"
"I directly stopped a mugging, an apartment robbery, and a domestic violence incident. I also indirectly stopped another mugging," I reported as I made my way into the Manor, with Alfred following me. "I almost got levels in Batman and Combat, I did get a level in Pick Them Off, and I actually got two levels in both Climbing and Parkour. There were also various XP gains across most of my stealth skills. The only real problem I ran into was an incident where I used the grapple to ascend a building, and the first thing I hooked gave way and I slipped back down." I shook my head. "Right in front of a mugging victim. Embarrassing. I actually got penalized in the XP for it."
"Mortifying, I'm sure," Alfred replied sardonically. "I suppose more training is in order? Or perhaps a redesign?"
"Both, obviously."
You might be wondering why Alfred knows about the Gamer system.
One, you can't keep secrets from Alfred. I told him everything.
Yes, even that his ward died and I replaced him. Even that I'm not an alternate universe Bruce Wayne and am actually a random nobody and a shitty fake imitation.
The guy deserved to know.
But-
Some things he didn't hear.
Some things he heard differently. It actually took a bit to figure out what the fuck he was talking about when we tried to discuss it after he met me in the hospital, post plane crash.
The situation is under some sort of bane, or geas, or memetic modifier, clearly imposed on us by the higher order being or beings that set this up.
I conceptually AM Batman here. And Batman has the secret identity, Bruce Wayne.
When I told everything to him, what Alfred heard is that, during my near death experience, I was taken and shown bits and pieces of the multiverse.
I also gave him the impression that seeing the heights that I, Batman/Bruce Wayne could reach, actually scared me, given I was just starting out. That I was intimidated. That I saw the others' mistakes, and desperately wanted to avoid them. That I saw the others' successes, and wondered how I could ever pull them off.
And when I got help from some patrons in the form of the Gamer system, that I was ashamed that, unlike the 'other, normal' Batman from alternate universes, I needed powers.
I'm not fucking ashamed. Jesus fucking Christ on a stick, I'm
not a real Batman. I need all the help I can get. When Bat Mite answered my panicked call for help, it was like the Heavens opened up and God gave me a reassuring hug.
But, I
sort of am Batman. And who is Batman without his butler, father figure, Alfred Pennyworth? So no matter what I tell the guy, he accepts me as his Bruce. Alfred seems more pleased that I, Bruce Wayne, love and trust him enough to share these personal secrets with him.
It's fucked up. I don't like it. Alfred deserves better than me.
Then again, most people deserve better than me.
But I'm doing my best.
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Instead of going immediately to sleep, I instead hit the gym.
The very large, very expensive, rush built gym on the other side of the Wayne Manor gardens. It had all the usual high end gymnasium stuff. Weight machines, treadmills, uneven bars, a pommel horse, and the like, but also other, more exotic stuff.
It had a diving pool thirty meters deep. It had configurable climbing walls. It had a huge empty space set up with configurable structures to mimic buildings and alleys.
Once the regular contractors were gone, I added a shooting range. There were grapple targets in the roof. Tightropes and slacklines. Punching bags and realistic weighted mannequins and those Wing-Chung wooden dummies.
It also had an Alfred.
Alfred had guns.
I got shot a lot.
Since I'm a Gamer, not only do I gain XP for dodging bullets, I also level up resistances.
I am literally making myself immune to big bullets by getting shot a lot by little bullets.
But there's more to it than just doing a swinging, climbing, parkour routine while Alfred fires half powder load .45s at me while I try to dodge.
I also quietly sing, or hum, or just think, a mental workout music routine that stretches from the Rocky theme to Batmetal. This part kind of rules, I'm not going to lie.
Mental note, I need to set some more time for music practice later.
Today was a good day, though. I take only eight hits and succeed at all my swings and jumps. I end up capping the day off by literally falling five storeys with no assistance, using nothing but my skills to mitigate damage by hitting and rolling to redirect the force.
The force still breaks one of my hips at the bend, sending the jagged end of my femur so high up my side it nearly exits at my waist. It's not the only bone that breaks, and that doesn't even mention the torn ligaments, tendons, and bruising.
+220 Falling XP +400 Landing XP. +420 Endurance XP. +530 Grit XP.
I'm in fucking agony. But I'm not out of HP, and I've got a perk, 'That's Where Blood Belongs' that negates internal bleeding damage. So I'm not at any risk of dying from that.
Instead, I groan and, with Alfred's help, drag my broken ass over to a non-staining plastic cot, +100 Grit XP, and turn myself off for eight straight hours.
+500 Training (Body) XP.
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Batman is known for a lot of different things, but a core concept is that of preparation.
Training.
I had a Gamer system now. It didn't give me magic. I couldn't make instant dungeons. In fact, it didn't even have general character levels, only stats and skills. It was, generally speaking, fairly low powered compared to the kinds of things I've read about.
But the single most powerful thing the system gave me was the ability to train.
I had three types of training, corresponding to the three skill groups based on the three stat groups. I could train my body, my mind, and my soul.
Training a specific stat could level up the stat. Training a specific skill could level up the skill.
But I could also do a kind of generalized training, and it didn't level up.
Instead, it stored the generated XP.
Which I could then spend to level up my skills. What's more, I could spend that XP for a boost AT ANY TIME, even in the middle of combat. And the skill increase was instant.
In fact, I currently have more than fifteen thousand points of body related XP stored away.
Why then, do I have a fairly shitty Combat skill of only 9?
Because gamers know that it's easier to level a skill up when its low. Bank your boosts for later, unless it's something easy and linear all the way through.
And also, if Bane shows up and starts kicking my ass, or I'm tied up by the League of Shadows, or I'm in a raging river and I need to swim better than a fish, I need as many points banked as possible to save my ass.
Uh, don't ask how many Mind and Spirit points I have, though. Look, I'm trying to invent Batman's arsenal as fast as possible, and that means I need my technical skills as high as possible, as fast as possible.
So I have been spending more time training mind skills than my body. But efficiency is an important thing to consider, and there's another consideration that means I like to sign off each day doing horribly masochistic things like deliberately falling farther and farther, or getting shot by Alfred.
I heal like a video game character.
So long as I get at least eight hours of continuous sleep, I'm fully healed when I wake up.
So every day, before I go to sleep, I mangle the absolute shit out of myself in the name of training.
And fortunately, I get stat XP while doing general training as well. Two stats, Endurance and Grit, cover everything from how long I can run, to poison resistance, to magical attacks hitting me in the soul.
They're some of my best stats. Actually, Grit IS my best stat, at 29, which is edging into 'ascended human' territory. Not quite true superhuman, but the way that tough, named DC humans generally don't die to mook level attacks. Endurance is my third best stat, right behind Dexterity.
My best guess is that the average mainline Batman, the ones experienced enough to have several sidekicks and be on the Justice League, has most of his stats at 50 plus.
I've got a ways to go. I'm focusing early efforts on Endurance and Grit because I need to survive to get there.
My actual progression rate is weird. Like, the formula for how much XP I need per level maps closest to a cubic rate, but I haven't figured out the actual equation yet. Each new level fails to map to my expectations. Level one is 1000 XP. Level two is 1100 XP. Level 10 is 7000 XP. Level 11 is 7400 XP. Level 25 is 25000 XP. Grit level 29 was 34750 XP.
Level 25 being peak human maps to the idea that shit gets a lot harder to level after that. Also, getting XP seems to have the same rate up to 25, then starts getting harder after that. Like, the actual amount of XP I get is the same for a given activity, but the easier stuff no longer gives XP. I used to get 50 XP for every minute I held my breath. Now I still get 50 XP for every minute, but only after I've held my breath for 15 minutes, first. Given the recovery time between breath holding sessions, it's no longer a time optimal way of leveling Endurance. A pity. It was actually the first stat I managed to get to 25.
The weird thing is, getting shot gives more Grit XP than it does Endurance XP, even after the slowdown. Might be a willpower thing.
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Author's note:
This is not a Gamer fic.
Yes, I'm using elements from the Gamer. Indeed, they're part of the concept of the story. But they're not
central to the story. This isn't a fic about numbers. Numbers going up do not make my head go brrrrrrr, no offense to those who do enjoy that. In fact, other that the initial chapters, which are there to establish the concept of 'this is how a nobody can pretend to be Batman', actual numbers won't show up much. I'm not going to include '200xp gained!' every time Batman does something. It's intrusive and annoying. It's a background thing. I probably won't even bother posting a character sheet. I have one, but it's subject to constant revision as the story requires.
Because, again, this is not a Gamer fic. This is not a game, not an RPG. This is a story. The Gamer elements are there to serve the story, not dominate it.
What this is, is a story about Batman.
Out of all the aliens and metas and mutants and magical beings in DC comics, Batman is the least human.
Weird, right?
But one of the things I've always appreciated about the character is that they actually do acknowledge that. The guy is grim. Brooding. Paranoid. Constantly preparing. Superman has a crush. Superman goes on dates. Superman flies out to his parent's house for pie. Batman has insane passionate flings with villainesses that are hot enough to overcome his discipline. The rest of the time, he's preparing. Training. Grinding.
The only really human aspect of Batman, throughout most incarnations, is the Batfamily. And that's beautiful, I think. It's interesting. It's a good story. That this, if you forgive the term, BATSHIT INSANE man still has the compassion to gather those who need him, and enough need for human contact to value them.
I am not Batman. I think most people understand that they are not, and never really could be, Batman. I don't think I've ever even seen a Batman SI before. He's just not human.
And that's what this story is about. A human trying to be Batman. The MC isn't really me so much as he is a generic everyman SI with a few me aspects thrown in for flavor, like adding a bit of parsley on top of your instant ramen. He's a fan of DC comics and animation but hasn't seen or read everything. He doesn't have an encyclopedia like knowledge of the setting, but he's not ignorant of it either. This isn't metaknowledge the fic, but taking steps to head off certain disasters, or going for obvious powerups is the kind of thing I just about expect from reading DC fics, so it's less about exploiting the setting and more about not irritating the reader because 'of course he'd do this, why isn't he doing this'.
So the Gamer aspects are there to give the MC a fighting chance. They have a clear, artificial source. But most of the story is, really, about a guy who's not actually insane, and the troubles he has trying to fill a pair of bat-themed boots. A mix of comedy, action, and drama.
I hope you enjoy.
PS: I am writing again. I had stopped my patreon about a year ago, because I got a new job and didn't have much time for writing. Things went well for a while. New insurance helped me pay for my meds, things looked good.
Then I got sicker. And sicker. And lost the new job.
I am now unemployed and on medicaid. I'm broke. I'm also pretty sick, and it doesn't look good for getting better. This is probably the downward spiral.
So I can't promise a rigid schedule. But I AM writing as much as I can. There's new chapters of both Then Be Batman and Ice Pie on my patreon.
https://www.patreon.com/Nugar
Some other new stories and new materials are also incoming. Your support is appreciated!