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Walk on the Moon (Naruto SI)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by SixPerfections, Apr 6, 2018.

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  1. Abhorsen

    Abhorsen Getting out there.

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    So what was the bleach fic that inspired this?
     
  2. SixPerfections

    SixPerfections Know what you're doing yet?

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    https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10779632/1/The-Death-and-Life-of-Erza-Scarlet

    I honestly only read it until I realized the Rukia Rescue arc was going to play out almost exactly the same. However up until that point this story felt very original and took some cool twists. Definitely recommend at least checking it out.
     
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  3. Niakshin

    Niakshin Getting out there.

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    Funny how this popped up just as I started getting back into Bleach fics myself... It felt rather surreal when I came over here and saw the name Kuchiki popping up.

    I guess the real question is if this snip is "Rei is born into the Kuchiki instead of the Yamanaka" or "Rei dies and reincarnates again, this time as a Kuchiki". Seems more likely to be the former though, since I feel like if it was the latter it would be more obvious (If that makes any sense).
     
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  4. steamrick

    steamrick Matter: protons, electrons, neutrons and morons

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    Yeah, I've also stopped reading because I got frustrated with just how precisely the author is mirroring all the canon events...
     
  5. 4rt1ll3ry

    4rt1ll3ry Transhumanist in Progress

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    SixPerfections

    Funny thing, I actually started reading this because a One Piece SI, 'This Bites' mentioned 'Walk on the Moon' as an example of a good SI. And ended up reading this before that one. I was not disappointed. Keep up the good work.

    I hope Rei is able to stay on the narrow line between functional and crazy.
     
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  6. chiefnewo

    chiefnewo Getting out there.

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    Already read and enjoyed it, although it got a bit uneven in the last quarter-ish. Rei's journey in the wider world would definitely be different as I doubt she's interested in building a underground peasant's union.
     
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  7. cheesyme

    cheesyme I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Yeah, Rei is looking like she's going to have a lot more personal power, though Ryuishi will probably have far more soft power and influence over the world. I still find it funny that someone who is clinically insane though would be easier to work around and deal with than Rei though.
     
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  8. Tavarokk

    Tavarokk Pursuer of perversion

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    I eagerly await the part that showcases her relationship with Yoruichi, whatever it might be in this iteration.
     
  9. Extras: Omake - The Afterlife 1.2
    SixPerfections

    SixPerfections Know what you're doing yet?

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    Omake
    The Afterlife - 1.2






    After a very quick bath to rinse off the lake water Rei stood in front of a floor length mirror in her spacious rooms, dressing in the traditional white and black cloths of the Kuchiki. Everything was of the highest grade and quality, the material feeling like the softest of feathers against her skin. Almost listlessly going through the motions of making herself presentable Rei risked a look at the mirror.

    Her reflection showed that she was pale and thin, dark of hair and of delicate features, looking around twelve or thirteen years of age... even though her actual age in this world was more than triple that. It struck her all of a sudden that she now looked the same age as she had been when she had died in her last life. Looking at herself in the mirror as she fixed her hair Rei focused on the one physical reminder she seemed to have carried on from her former life: her lavender eyes. However those lavender eyes looking back at her always seemed to be missing something... missing a fire that they had always seemed to hold in her previous life.

    Rei sighed and rubbed at her face, wondering why her thoughts would so often circle back in that direction even decades after the fact. In her past life she devoted a decade of her life to feverishly improving, dedicated her whole life to that singular goal, just so she could be free... and then she had died, shortly after she'd finally made Genin. She had very mixed feelings about how things had ended. Rei couldn't help but sometimes think that something out there must be having a great old laugh at her expense.

    Now, living a life in yet another fictional universe, perversely Rei would sometimes find herself thinking she would have rather remained in the Naruto universe. For all that she thoroughly hated it, at least there she had found purpose. Get stronger at all costs, because otherwise the S-Rank missing nins, the invasions, the wars, the conspiracies, and just the world in general would kill her. Get stronger at all costs so she could earn her freedom from being a lifelong soldier to a brutal militaristic authoritarian state.

    Now, Rei could choose the life a noblewoman socialite if she so desired and no one would bat an eye. Her older brother would be the one to take over the leadership of the Clan and of the 6th Division after all, thus fulfilling their family's obligations to the Gotei. No one expected her to join the Gotei 13, though the option was open to her if she so desired. If she wanted to, she could probably live the rest of her life (thousands of years in length) in the lap of luxury with the bare minimum of responsibilities.

    And why shouldn't she? It had become clear to her even with her limited memories of the Bleach universe that either she wasn't in the same world or she had been born far into the past. While details were fuzzy Rei did remember most of the major characters and plot points of the Bleach anime she had once watched... at least up until the protagonists had rescued Rukia (who had also been a Kuchiki?). However this world she found herself in had few of the major characters she remembered. There was no one named Aizen anywhere in the Gotei that she could find. There was no Kaname Tousen, no Ichimaru Gin. No Zaraki Kempachi. No Kuchiki Byakuya or Shihoin Yoruichi. In fact the only person that both existed clearly in her memories and existed here was the Captain-Commander Yamamoto Genryusai Shigekuni.

    Plus, it wasn't like the Bleach Anime had some existential world ending threat (to her knowledge). Aizen had been bad because... reasons? And he had wanted to kill Rukia for some magical McGuffin? Something like that. It was hard to get worked up or terrified over what one man who might or might not exist in the future might or might not do.

    Still, that general lack of motivation and external pressure to act left Rei kind of off... floundering. Adrift. In her previous life she remembered she'd desperately wanted to wander, to explore the world, to be free to see and do everything. Now... that just didn't seem hold the same sort of appeal anymore. She didn't know why. It just didn't.

    With a sigh, Rei finished fixing her hair into something acceptable and walked out of her room. There was nothing she could do about how she felt at the moment. Maybe Yukihiro would have come up with some new crazy scheme to get her mind off of things for a while.

    000

    "Why are we going to your estate again?" Rei asked her friend Shihoin Yukihiro as they both raced through the Seireitei, sticking to back ways and roads that Yukihiro knew in order to avoid running into and annoying any Shinigami. Though they both used Hoho techniques to improve their speed Rei knew that Yukihiro was holding back somewhat so she could keep up. In her previous life that fact might have driven her into a competitive rage she would have done anything to overcome. However in the present it did little more than irritate her and make her sort of... sad, for some reason.

    "I told you," Yukihiro replied with a wide and excited grin on his face. "I want you to meet someone."

    Yukihiro looked like what everyone pictured a Shihoin clan member should look like, dark skin, golden irises, black hair with a feline-like physique. The two of them were roughly the same age and had first bonded over a decade ago through a shared penchant for ignoring the rules, being far too smart for their own good and the fact that there were very few choices for friends in their general age and appropriate social circles since births in Soul Society tended to be relatively rare. He often made her think that he was what would have happened if Neji and Ino's personalities had an unholy child. Yukihiro was a good friend. Her only friend, if she was being honest.

    "I thought you said we were 'taking a little trip'?" Rei asked him dryly.

    "We are!" he insisted with that same grin on his face. "I had that planned for afterwards."

    "Why don't we do that first? I'm not in the mood for all the tedious ceremony of meeting some stuffed shirt noble."

    "Nope!" Yukihiro said, popping his P. At seeing her unamused face he was quick to add, "I swear this won't be bad, Rei. No formal tea or meaningless pleasantries, I promise. This actually has to do with my future job for the clan."

    This piqued Rei's interest. "I thought you'd just be joining the Onmitsukido?"

    "Well yeah, we all do," replied Yukihiro. "But that doesn't mean we can't get special assignments. Come on, we're almost there."

    The Shihoin, like the Kuchiki, were one of the Four Great Noble Families of Soul Society and their estate reflected this. However whereas the Kuchiki were more concerned with the nobility and aesthetics of their lands the Shihoin were much more practical. Everything in their estate looked to be built either to be easily replaced or as defensible as possible, aesthetics taking a back seat to functionality. Yukihiro led them through a large estate that seemed largely empty, but Rei had no doubt that even as a regular guest of the Shihoin someone would be watching her at all times. It almost felt nostalgic sometimes, the paranoia that the quasi-ninja Shihoin clan lived and breathed by. The Elemental Nations had nothing on the secretive and cutthroat nature of the Onmitsukido.

    Rei was surprised when she realized Yukihiro was leading them to the home of the Clan Head. After all, Yukihiro was just a nephew of the Clan Head who lived elsewhere on the estate, and thus she couldn't imagine why he would be taking them there. Keeping her silence she followed Yukihiro as he entered with all the confidence of someone who visited often.

    After divesting himself of his shoes and the tanto he always carried on his person Yukihiro led Rei through a confusing maze of hallways until they came to a seemingly nondescript room. With a boyish grin he knocked three times in a pattern and slid the door open.

    What was inside was... not what Rei had been expecting. There was a nursemaid sitting next to a crib. On the far side of the room stood a man dressed in the garb of the Onmitsukido, regarding the two newcomers with hard and unflinching eyes. A crib, a guard, Yukihiro's odd excitement... Rei was beginning to get a picture as to what this was all about.

    "I didn't know that the Lady Shihoin was pregnant," commented Rei, hoping that her guess was correct and she didn't end up looking like a fool.

    Yukihiro shrugged as he walked to stand next to the crib, acknowledging the nursemaid and the Shinigami operative in the room with a subtle nod of his head. "It's an old law in the clan, to hide the pregnancies of the Lady Shihoin lest assassins see it as an ideal time to strike. A bit archaic but it is what it is. The birth of our new heir will be officially announced in a few days."

    Rei walked over and looked down at the child in question. It (because the sex wasn't immediately obvious) was sleeping, their head nearly bald and possessing the dark skin that was so prevalent in the Shihoin. It looked just like any other baby to be honest. Rei gave Yukihiro a look, not particularly impressed with his "surprise."

    "Congratulations on your new heir," Rei said a touch dryly. "Nice as that is, what does this have to do with you?"

    Yukihiro seemed a bit dejected at her less than thrilled attitude, but he perked up again and his chest puffed out with pride when he began to tell her about why this was personally important to him. "You see Rei, I've been assigned the duty of being Yoruichi-chan's bodyguard from the time she's old enough to start leaving the compound until she'd deemed to be strong enough to defend herself against any who would do her harm. It's been decided that for this purpose next year I'll finally be allowed to enter the Shinigami Academy. By the time she's old enough to need me I'll have enough training and experience to be the best bodyguard ever. Isn't it great?"

    Rei, however, had mostly stopped paying attention after she'd head the child's name. "Yoruichi?" she said with a note of disbelief before looking back down at the crib. "This baby is... Shihoin Yoruichi?"

    "Well yeah," said Yukihiro, looking genuinely puzzled at her reaction. "Out of everything, that is the detail you found important?"

    Rei felt her heart rate speed up, though if it was from fear, dread or excitement she wouldn't have been able to tell. Not that her thoughts dwelled on such things mind you. Instead her mind went off racing, running, trying to see all of the angles and implications of what this would mean.

    "Hello? Rei?"

    Yukihiro's voice snapped her out of her contemplation, and she plastered a smile on her face as best she could. "That's great! I'm really happy for you Yuki-chan, that your Clan Head would trust you with such an important mission. I guess that means they think you're really growing up."

    She used the nickname Yuki-chan that he absolutely hated, along with trying to embarrass him with praise, all to distract him from her momentary loss of composure. Rei had done that automatically, without thinking. Funny. She hadn't played those games hardly at all, those of misdirection and manipulation, for the decades that she had been here. Now the second she felt threatened even a little bit they came to her lips with the ease of her mother tongue. Rei found that it both surprised her and troubled her that she would so easily fall back into familiar patterns.

    Yukihiro rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed, but smiling happily. "Heh, I guess I am pretty lucky, aren't I?" Good, it didn't look like he would call her out on her little slip.

    "So I was thinking, since I'm going to be entering the Academy and all next year... do you think that maybe you'd want to join with me?"

    Rei blinked at that. She opened and closer her mouth, differing emotions warring inside of her. The young Kuchiki frowned deeply, crossed her arms and gave the only honest answer she could give at the moment.

    "I don't know."

    Unfortunately, these new developments didn't immediately change the fact that Rei had no idea what she wanted to do with this new life.

    000

    AN: This came out way longer than I planned. Probably because it was two scenes when it should have probably been one. Anyway, let me know what you think. I'm still sticking with my "at least one update per day" schedule for this Omake for now.
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2018
  10. Tavarokk

    Tavarokk Pursuer of perversion

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    Hmm. On one hand it makes things more interesting, on the other an accomplished monster-Rei would've made things more exciting.
    Oh. Right, that's a thing. While Yoruichi, Urahara and Aizen are from the generation before Byakuya (and Kyoraku, Ukitake & Unohana - before that still), lifespans involved mean Ginrei's eldest could've been born way before either of them and sire Byakuya centuries later. Should've thought of that.
     
  11. SixPerfections

    SixPerfections Know what you're doing yet?

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    Dont worry. Rei will still be a contemporary of the likes of Ukitake and Shunsui. It would be lame is she didn't interact with ANY canon characters :p
     
  12. Tavarokk

    Tavarokk Pursuer of perversion

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    I'd guess they're either students at the Academy or already old man Yama's apprentices, since they're supposed to be somewhat older than Yoru-chan iirc.
     
  13. steamrick

    steamrick Matter: protons, electrons, neutrons and morons

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    ... huh. I'd always thought that Ukitake and Shunsui were part of the Gotei since the founding, or at least shortly thereafter.

    I guess at this point Unohana is still the Kenpachi?
     
  14. SixPerfections

    SixPerfections Know what you're doing yet?

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    Bleach, like Naruto, suffers from a distinct lack of anything resembling a coherent timeline. I'm just going to go by a "best guess" system and use whatever seems to make sense. For example, it makes sense that even in Soul Society people age at more or less a linear rate... thus making Ukitake and Shunsui a generation older than Yuroichi/Urahara more or less. Of course you can find examples to contradict this (Unohana being the most prevalent) but again, the timeline is such a mess you sort of just have to roll with it.
     
  15. Breadnaught

    Breadnaught Versed in the lewd.

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    The original Zaraki would be around and still terrorising people.
     
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  16. steamrick

    steamrick Matter: protons, electrons, neutrons and morons

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    *Original Kenpachi
     
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  17. Fonteius

    Fonteius [Empty Title]

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    Unohana was one of the strongest original Shinigami (at the time Yamamoto was 40-60ish in appearance) and she looked 20-30 years old, now we go a few thousand years forward (atleast 4) and Yamamoto looks ancient yet Unohana looks the same.

    Yamamoto states that not a single Shinigami with his potential has been born in the last 2000 years, now we could say that Unohana "had" better potential than Yamamoto and stopped training in order to learn healing kido yet after all that she was still almost as strong as Kenpachi after 4000 years. (I keep picturing a Rock Lee/Yamamoto as the 0 potential but 100 hard work)

    If we think this rationally the stronger the Shinigami the slower their aging, looking at some of the Zero squad it makes sense for them to be immortal.

    Now since we got no explanation at all in bleach for a lot of "anything really", I go for the "I needed an inconspicuous character to show as OP four thousand years ago but got nothing... Let's go for Unohana, she is scary, don't check for a kid kenpachi either it's an illusion", "Also forget about that thousands years old 1st division Liutenant with a Bankai loosing against random Ichigo with no sword, that never happened".

    That either means that in (4 thousand years!), no Shinigami strong enough to do something worth anything is born (and they keep dying to Menos).
    Or the Zero squad should have hundreds of members trolling around during the Quincy war.

    I think I can now see why Yamamoto ended up as he is, I would be crying the first few centuries and then not giving a fuck too T.T
     
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  18. SixPerfections

    SixPerfections Know what you're doing yet?

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    More likely that other Kempachi before the canon one.

    Logic? Who needs logic? Shonen operates on the rule of cool :D

    On the plus side, that gives me more room to maneuver however I want. But my take on things is that Yamamoto is old as dirt and Ukitake and Shinsui are simply his most recent personal projects. Also, Unohana pulls a Tsunade and uses Kido/Healing/Illusion Magic to make herself look in her 30's-40's and not a desiccated fossil like Yamamaoto. But really, I'm not going to worry too much about bringing perfect accuracy since so much of the source material appears to contradict itself.
     
  19. Ct613hulu

    Ct613hulu Experienced.

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    The Bleach Quest "Now You Feel Like Number One" has actually just provided a possible answer to the question of why Yamamaoto looks so old in the form of a operatic flashback that showed Yamamaoto gaining his aged physical appearance as a result of a brief confrontation with Barragan.
     
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  20. Valint

    Valint I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Kind of depends on what you mean by recent. Yamamoto and Unahona are the only ones (that Rei would know about) that are around for that first generation of captains, but Ukitake and Shunsui were from the first post-academy batch of captains, so they've been around for more than a little while.
    [​IMG]

    (There are some shitty timelines out there that say the two became captains 100 years before the Pendulum Arc, due to sloppiness: Shunsui mentions at one point that there's only four captains still around who were captains a hundred years before those events, which gives a lower bound for how long ago they became captains, not an upper one.)

    Doesn't necessarily mean that Rei remembers them, of course.
     
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  21. SixPerfections

    SixPerfections Know what you're doing yet?

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    ????

    Okay, that makes no sense in light of other information. Such as:

    1)Zaraki Kenpachi is the 11th person to hold the Captainhood of the 11th. So they have held their posts for 11 generations? What? Something is fishy there.
    2)They would look old as dirt, like Yamamoto and Sasakibe
    3) More circumstantial, but they don't act like stuffy old fossils. You'd think someone thousands of years old wouldn't be so relaxed and casual. Makes them feel younger than that.

    Oh, I know. This is how we can reconcile things. Prior to a certain point, Shinigami were nobles trained by the noble clans or were trained in an apprenticeship master/disciple system. Then Yamamoto eventually came along and founded an academy to standardize Shinigami training. That is why he says they are the first to become captains from the academy he founded, before them all captains had been trained in more "traditional" ways.
     
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  22. Niakshin

    Niakshin Getting out there.

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    Yeah, I think if the academy had always been around, there would be no need for him to add “through my academy” as a qualifier. He’d just say they were the first to become captains, not that they were the first people trained by the academy to become captains.
     
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  23. SolipsistSerpent

    SolipsistSerpent Endlessly Devouring

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    Eleven Generations? Captains of the Eleventh are, as a rule, deposed in violent combat by their successors. You could go through that many Captains in a decade if Captain level shinigami weren't rare. As is, I sincerely doubt it was enough time for 11 successive sets of Shinigami to grow to adulthood.

    Though, I do like your 'the Academy is relatively recent' idea.
     
  24. Prince Charon

    Prince Charon Just zis guy, you know?

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    Depending on how we're defining 'relatively,' I kind of thought that was (at least implied in) canon, as I think I've seen SixPerfection's and Niakshin's ideas in other Bleach discussions.

    So, some time in the distant past (the wiki doesn't say how far, and the Timeline page lists it after the founding of the Academy, which as noted does not make sense) Yamamoto founds the Gotei 13, along with Unohana (and I agree that she's probably using medical techniques or similar to look young; perhaps we'll see whether Rei pick up the habit, if the story goes that far). Over time, Yamamoto becomes dissatisfied with the results of traditional training.

    Around 2,100 years ago (if the wiki is accurate), Yamamoto founds the Academy, with Ukitake and Shunsui as some of the earliest students. Sasakibe is a fairly young-looking guy around this time, and visits him, but AFAICT, doesn't join the Academy. Based on comments above, this may be the 'now' of the omake.

    The timeline has Ukitake and Shunsui becomeing Captains about 200 yeas ago, citing Chapter 45, p17 of the Bleach manga. Anyone feel like checking that?
     
  25. CrunchySharpie

    CrunchySharpie A wild Bowsette appeared!

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    Just to point out, people don't always get sent to the soul society as children. People can be born there, yes and those that are born within the seireitei are generally more powerful than the common souls but that isn't always the case considering that Rukia is captain class by the end and Marechiyo is one of the weakest vice captains in the series. There could have definitely been 11 separate captains over a very short time, especially early on after Unohana left, there was probably a quick and blood first few hundred years as the place swapped hands several times.
     
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  26. magicdownunder

    magicdownunder Getting sticky.

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    Random Question:

    If Rei hits Kage level and leaves the village would she count as a traitor? Tsunade wasn't counted as traitor.

    I assume she wouldn't since she'll be much to powerful to be worth declaring a traitor and hunting her (unless she does something horrible... like "kidnap" Hinata, Neji and Ino).
     
  27. Fonteius

    Fonteius [Empty Title]

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    Tsunade was not declared a traitor mostly due to Hiruzen loving her alongside Orochimaru and Jiraiya, it's not stated but I can imagine some elements in Konoha wanted to marry her to a close clan (Sarubobi for example) in order to revive the Senju clan.
    Now the fact that she is Kage level is also a reason for that, but I think it was mostly Hiruzen and the fact that she left Konoha with zero incidents against anyone as far as we can see, on the other hand either Orochimaru and Itachi are clearly Kage level, and had a really loose leash during their time on Konoha (maybe not Itachi but his personality was too nice), I can totally see Orochimaru leaving the same as Tsunade and a few years later form his own village and Hiruzen would not do a thing.
     
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  28. Meneldur

    Meneldur Yield All

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    I know nothing of Bleach, which is why I don't have much to say, but when I read this a funny thought came to me:
    After graduation, Genin are assigned to a team and get missions, but initially those missions are D-ranks which are less 'missions' and more 'community service'. What if Rei died during such a mission? Like, say they had to demolish some house, and while doing so a rock from the wall or a beam from the roof fell on her head. Or maybe they were moving stuff for someone from the attic and she got accidentally knocked down the stairs and broke her neck?
    I know, totally unrealistic ,but how embarrassing for her (and hilarious for us)?
     
  29. Valint

    Valint I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Yeah, that's canon, that there were shinigami before the academy.

    Except, the part before Yamamoto came along was more "Soul Society was a post-apocalyptic chaos after the noble clans killed the gods, and it's implied that Yamamoto tried to bring order by gathering together the most powerful fighters in Soul Society to form the Gotei 13 and killing anyone that didn't join up".

    But, yes, the first captains were already trained before they joined up, though probably less "master/disciples" than "bandit chieftain in a group of thugs who used Klingon promotion methods, and who just got conscripted at swordpoint".
    [​IMG]

    This included Unohana.
    [​IMG]

    Sometime later, Yamamoto founded the Shinigami Academy, and Ukitake and Shunsui were the first captains to graduate from there. This took place sometime sufficiently removed from the founding of the Gotei 13 that Yamamoto referred to those days as "a long time ago" but still had black hair; one source places the founding of the academy at 2,100 years ago.
    [​IMG]

    But, yes, the Bleach timeline does have Rowling-level math issues, if you start trying to figure out what goes when. For example, Ise Nanao (Shunsui's vice-captain) is his niece, the daughter of his brother. She's kid-shaped during the Pendulum time period, which implies that either Shunsui's parents or his brother are similarly long-lived, which raises further questions.

    That was what I referenced above.

    100 years ago (during the Pendulum arc), Shunsui says that there are only four captains left (him, Ukitake, Unohana and Yamamoto) out of those who were captains a 100 years previous.
    [​IMG]

    If you're an idiot, you read that as saying that those individuals all became captains exactly 100 years before that statement.

    Similarly, one line in which Yamamoto says that he's been captain-commander for a thousand years doesn't actually mean that he's been captain-commander for exactly a thousand years and no more, which is another point where you'll see timelines screw up.
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2018
    IvanDead and Rapey_Lemons like this.
  30. Prince Charon

    Prince Charon Just zis guy, you know?

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    Well, a wiki by its very nature is an encyclopedia any idiot can edit.

    Is that a result of plurals being weird in Japanese (so 'a thousand years' might be written with the same kanji as 'thousands of years')?
     
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