Chapter 988
Malcolm Tent
Monkey with a typewriter.
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Stepping out of the shuttle, I took in the location of the ceremony with fascination. I'd expected something ostentatious, maybe a huge castle or some kind of formation. Instead, we were standing in what appeared to be a soothing garden. Rock features, ponds, topiaries. It was…soothing.
"Perfect," my mom said from where she arrived next to me. "They wanted to put you in some gaudy auditorium. But that's so…expected. This is more impactful, I think. I told your father that a serene and natural environment would underscore your dominance of outside forces."
I raised an eyebrow at that. I hadn't expected her to think so hard about the optics, though given she was an A-ranker, I probably should have.
My own grasp on that aspect of Ascendant culture was fleeting at best, since I mostly bypassed it by using wishes and doing insane over the top things that drew large amounts of attention. It was probably good SOMEONE was thinking about it though. Callie gave an impressed shrug from beside me, and we headed out into the park towards the gazebo in the middle where several figures were waiting for us. Fourteen figures, actually.
The family had mostly been lined up along an aisle of purple velvet carpeting that led directly to the gazebo, with seating on either side currently filled to the brim with familiar faces. Belsara, Derrick, Nat, Delia, and a dozen other relatives I knew sat among crowds of total strangers, all focused on this ceremony of which I was the focal point. Or would be, once I joined the illustrious group of people up on the dais.
"Is that…all the branch heads?" I asked my mom quietly. "I thought S-rankers couldn't touch down here."
The fourteenth figure, a familiar one I'd seen twice now, snorted and addressed me through the assembled family members. "They can't. That's why none of us are actually here. Just projections here to pat you on the back and tell you what a special boy you are."
"Gosh Uncle Aiden," I said in a deadpan voice. "Do you think I could maybe get a cookie?"
He barked out a laugh. "Oh good. I knew you had a spine. You're going to need it with this crowd." As we approached, he turned to the assembled members of the Wyndham family. "It is traditional for the exiting Wishmaster to give a speech at this point. Before we have the official coronation, when it's just family and retainers. Well, I don't much hold with tradition, but it has been…impressed on me, that it would behoove me to say something anyway. So here it is: You all suck."
Everyone winced, but no one reacted with anger. Aiden didn't seem to care and kept going. "I don't say that as an insult. Just as a fact. Water is wet. Most skies are blue. All of you suck. It's not your fault. It's just how you were born. I was born awesome and you were born irritating and pointless.
"If I'd known how much trouble this job would be when I was in MY succession war, I probably would have gone to the beach to work on my tan and let Eli deal with you bastards, but hey, live and learn." He gave everyone a winning smile. "But the good news is that you're now no longer my problem. You're free to suck as much as you want and it won't affect me, so you know, go nuts. Really scrape the bottom of that barrel. Give the kid a run for his money. Because Eli is going to have to deal with all of you morons second hand now anyway, and that makes me smile."
He turned his bright grin on the council of elders. "You know what? You were right? I AM glad I gave the speech. This was a good talk." And then, in the blink of an eye. He vanished.
Harrison, standing off to one side, buried his face in his hands and let out a long, tormented sigh. "Godsdamn it Aiden," he muttered before facing the rest of us with an austere expression of quiet certainty that I was sure he'd practiced in the mirror. "Well. That was…very forthright. Out thanks to the current Wishmaster for his words of…wisdom. And now, without further ado, our reigning champion and FUTURE Wishmaster, the current heir to the Wish Curse Palace in its totality, Shane Wyndham."
He gestured to where I had stopped on the approach to listen to the funniest speech I'd ever heard, indicating I should come down the aisle to join them. They watched us approach (because like hell I was leaving my wife behind for this) and Harrison raised his eyebrow.
Stopping just short of them, I raised my voice to announce Callie. "May I introduce the family at large to my wife, Calliope Wyndham. Daughter of the Heretic God, Adam Atlas, and Amelia Reynolds of Callus."
A hush fell over the crowd. Callie and I had discussed her introduction. If she was going to stand with me it would be best to make sure everyone in the Palace knew she was my equal and partner, and her new divine heritage was a good way to do that (it was essentially what Black Sorrow had done to help me start my rep rolling on a universal scale). We'd ALSO decided her mother deserved to be mentioned, and Midknight could fuck right off.
Harrison looked impressed. "A child of divinity. I was…unaware of her prestigious pedigree. I was led to believe your marriage was one of affection and that your bride was a native of the planet you grew up on."
He didn't sound snobby or condescending about it, exactly. He just said it like he was commenting on the weather. He didn't care if Callie was godspawn or a random space peasant. We were Wyndhams, and no one would really measure up, so he might as well be welcoming to anyone who tried. Sometimes my family's staggering arrogance was ACTUALLY useful.
"Yup," I said conversationally. "So I figured I'd bring her up here with me, if you don't mind."
He looked more amused than offended by me pushing. "By all means," he stepped aside, gesturing to the center of the ring of council members. "Please, take your place among the council. Do you understand your role in these proceedings?"
I nodded. "Yeah, I'm supposed to request confirmation from each of the branch heads. It symbolizes their acceptance of the transfer of power."
Of course, it was also a formality. No one said no or refused to answer. They knew that this was the will of the old man, and no one disobeyed the Wishmaster. Taking my position, I nodded to Harrison, who, as the first in the ring of councillors, gestured for me to proceed. I cleared my throat. "Council of Elders, I, as the heir of the Wyndham bloodline, rightfully chosen by rite of trial, do so request your recognizance of my station. Harrison Wyndham, do you grant this recognition?"
He nodded austerely. "I do. I welcome you to the fold and honor you as the head of our family. And so it is known."
Next up was Desmond, whose daughter Mara and grandson Miles were both branch heads themselves. I repeated the ceremonial request, and he replied in turn. Next was Warren, and after him Miles and Mara. After them was Selina, who was the head of the branch my Aunt Arabella belonged to, and she gave me a warm smile as she confirmed my appointment, seemingly perfectly happy with me getting the position.
Finally, I reached my grandfather. "Malachai Wyndham, do you grant this recognition?"
He beamed at me. "I do. I welcome you to the fold and honor you as the head of our family. Well done, Shane." Harrison glared at him, clearing his through loudly and my grandfather rolled his eyes. "And so it is known. There, are you happy?"
I snorted, moving onto the only one of the branch heads I was actually worried about. "Percival Wyndham," I said formally. "Do you grant this recognition?"
He glared at me. Hard. His jaw was locked tight, and his eyes were narrowed like he was about to attack me. Harrison, to my surprise, seemed to notice something, and he snorted coldly. There was a strange pulse, and the air of menace I hadn't realized was hanging over the interaction dispersed, and Percy blinked absently, wincing like he'd just gotten an ice cream headache. "I…yes. I do, rather. I welcome you to the fold and honor you as head of our family. And so it is known."
I turned my head slightly, glancing casually over to where Harrison had looked when he snorted, to see Ayra Vetala, Percy's wife, pale and holding her head. Next to her, a younger version of Percy I assumed was her son Devon, glared daggers at me in particular. I ignored him, turning back to continue.
Danielle went next. Then Cristoph, then Westley. None of them looked particularly upset of unhappy, smiling encouragingly at me. I heard my wife snort something about two faced bastards in my head and had to clamp down hard not to laugh. I managed, but it was close.
"You have been welcomed to the fold," Harrison said formally. "Aknowledged by the members of this council, chosen by rite of trial, and preceded by the reigning Wishmaster. Now. As is your right, you may address the family."
I nodded, then turned to look out at the faces surrounding us. Some hostile, some friendly, some strange. But…all familiar in their own way. Around the eyes, something in the jaw. These were my people. My blood. I tried to remember being that terrified kid on Callus, worried about this whole mess, scared I couldn't hack it.
But I couldn't. I was fine. Up here with my wife, with my parents in the crowd, with my best friends smiling on proudly, I couldn't have cared less about which of the people out there were glaring at me or not. "I'm not going to tell you that you suck," I said dryly. "Since I don't know most of you and the ones I do know I'm mostly pretty fond of."
There was a polite chuckle at that, mostly from people I knew. But I wasn't done. "I'm also not going to pretend you're perfect. Or that I am. We might be Ascendants, but we're still human where it counts. We make mistakes. I do it. You do it. Even the old man does it." That stirred up quite a bit of muttering, which I ignored. "I have qualms with the way things are done. I plan to make changes. I won't announce them now, because I know getting them past the council will be an uphill battle, but I want to be clear about my intentions.
"But more than that, I want to make this family stronger," I looked each of them in the eye as I spoke. "I want to make us better. And that starts with all of you. If you have something to say to me. Say it. I don't care if it's insulting, or pointless. I want you to feel free to communicate with me directly. To bring me your concerns. Because I want to improve things for the family, and I know enough to know that I don't know what that means yet."
I could have waxed eloquent and told them I was on their side, but I didn't. I hadn't earned that. They didn't know me. They had no clue what I would or wouldn't do. I had said my piece, and if they were interested they would get in touch with me.
But what made my heart sing was that despite most of them looking disaffected and bored, I DID see a few people take me seriously. I saw thoughtful expressions, and even one or two hopeful looks. Maybe my quest to change my family wasn't going to be as frustrating and isolating as I had feared. Maybe there was hope for us all yet.
"Perfect," my mom said from where she arrived next to me. "They wanted to put you in some gaudy auditorium. But that's so…expected. This is more impactful, I think. I told your father that a serene and natural environment would underscore your dominance of outside forces."
I raised an eyebrow at that. I hadn't expected her to think so hard about the optics, though given she was an A-ranker, I probably should have.
My own grasp on that aspect of Ascendant culture was fleeting at best, since I mostly bypassed it by using wishes and doing insane over the top things that drew large amounts of attention. It was probably good SOMEONE was thinking about it though. Callie gave an impressed shrug from beside me, and we headed out into the park towards the gazebo in the middle where several figures were waiting for us. Fourteen figures, actually.
The family had mostly been lined up along an aisle of purple velvet carpeting that led directly to the gazebo, with seating on either side currently filled to the brim with familiar faces. Belsara, Derrick, Nat, Delia, and a dozen other relatives I knew sat among crowds of total strangers, all focused on this ceremony of which I was the focal point. Or would be, once I joined the illustrious group of people up on the dais.
"Is that…all the branch heads?" I asked my mom quietly. "I thought S-rankers couldn't touch down here."
The fourteenth figure, a familiar one I'd seen twice now, snorted and addressed me through the assembled family members. "They can't. That's why none of us are actually here. Just projections here to pat you on the back and tell you what a special boy you are."
"Gosh Uncle Aiden," I said in a deadpan voice. "Do you think I could maybe get a cookie?"
He barked out a laugh. "Oh good. I knew you had a spine. You're going to need it with this crowd." As we approached, he turned to the assembled members of the Wyndham family. "It is traditional for the exiting Wishmaster to give a speech at this point. Before we have the official coronation, when it's just family and retainers. Well, I don't much hold with tradition, but it has been…impressed on me, that it would behoove me to say something anyway. So here it is: You all suck."
Everyone winced, but no one reacted with anger. Aiden didn't seem to care and kept going. "I don't say that as an insult. Just as a fact. Water is wet. Most skies are blue. All of you suck. It's not your fault. It's just how you were born. I was born awesome and you were born irritating and pointless.
"If I'd known how much trouble this job would be when I was in MY succession war, I probably would have gone to the beach to work on my tan and let Eli deal with you bastards, but hey, live and learn." He gave everyone a winning smile. "But the good news is that you're now no longer my problem. You're free to suck as much as you want and it won't affect me, so you know, go nuts. Really scrape the bottom of that barrel. Give the kid a run for his money. Because Eli is going to have to deal with all of you morons second hand now anyway, and that makes me smile."
He turned his bright grin on the council of elders. "You know what? You were right? I AM glad I gave the speech. This was a good talk." And then, in the blink of an eye. He vanished.
Harrison, standing off to one side, buried his face in his hands and let out a long, tormented sigh. "Godsdamn it Aiden," he muttered before facing the rest of us with an austere expression of quiet certainty that I was sure he'd practiced in the mirror. "Well. That was…very forthright. Out thanks to the current Wishmaster for his words of…wisdom. And now, without further ado, our reigning champion and FUTURE Wishmaster, the current heir to the Wish Curse Palace in its totality, Shane Wyndham."
He gestured to where I had stopped on the approach to listen to the funniest speech I'd ever heard, indicating I should come down the aisle to join them. They watched us approach (because like hell I was leaving my wife behind for this) and Harrison raised his eyebrow.
Stopping just short of them, I raised my voice to announce Callie. "May I introduce the family at large to my wife, Calliope Wyndham. Daughter of the Heretic God, Adam Atlas, and Amelia Reynolds of Callus."
A hush fell over the crowd. Callie and I had discussed her introduction. If she was going to stand with me it would be best to make sure everyone in the Palace knew she was my equal and partner, and her new divine heritage was a good way to do that (it was essentially what Black Sorrow had done to help me start my rep rolling on a universal scale). We'd ALSO decided her mother deserved to be mentioned, and Midknight could fuck right off.
Harrison looked impressed. "A child of divinity. I was…unaware of her prestigious pedigree. I was led to believe your marriage was one of affection and that your bride was a native of the planet you grew up on."
He didn't sound snobby or condescending about it, exactly. He just said it like he was commenting on the weather. He didn't care if Callie was godspawn or a random space peasant. We were Wyndhams, and no one would really measure up, so he might as well be welcoming to anyone who tried. Sometimes my family's staggering arrogance was ACTUALLY useful.
"Yup," I said conversationally. "So I figured I'd bring her up here with me, if you don't mind."
He looked more amused than offended by me pushing. "By all means," he stepped aside, gesturing to the center of the ring of council members. "Please, take your place among the council. Do you understand your role in these proceedings?"
I nodded. "Yeah, I'm supposed to request confirmation from each of the branch heads. It symbolizes their acceptance of the transfer of power."
Of course, it was also a formality. No one said no or refused to answer. They knew that this was the will of the old man, and no one disobeyed the Wishmaster. Taking my position, I nodded to Harrison, who, as the first in the ring of councillors, gestured for me to proceed. I cleared my throat. "Council of Elders, I, as the heir of the Wyndham bloodline, rightfully chosen by rite of trial, do so request your recognizance of my station. Harrison Wyndham, do you grant this recognition?"
He nodded austerely. "I do. I welcome you to the fold and honor you as the head of our family. And so it is known."
Next up was Desmond, whose daughter Mara and grandson Miles were both branch heads themselves. I repeated the ceremonial request, and he replied in turn. Next was Warren, and after him Miles and Mara. After them was Selina, who was the head of the branch my Aunt Arabella belonged to, and she gave me a warm smile as she confirmed my appointment, seemingly perfectly happy with me getting the position.
Finally, I reached my grandfather. "Malachai Wyndham, do you grant this recognition?"
He beamed at me. "I do. I welcome you to the fold and honor you as the head of our family. Well done, Shane." Harrison glared at him, clearing his through loudly and my grandfather rolled his eyes. "And so it is known. There, are you happy?"
I snorted, moving onto the only one of the branch heads I was actually worried about. "Percival Wyndham," I said formally. "Do you grant this recognition?"
He glared at me. Hard. His jaw was locked tight, and his eyes were narrowed like he was about to attack me. Harrison, to my surprise, seemed to notice something, and he snorted coldly. There was a strange pulse, and the air of menace I hadn't realized was hanging over the interaction dispersed, and Percy blinked absently, wincing like he'd just gotten an ice cream headache. "I…yes. I do, rather. I welcome you to the fold and honor you as head of our family. And so it is known."
I turned my head slightly, glancing casually over to where Harrison had looked when he snorted, to see Ayra Vetala, Percy's wife, pale and holding her head. Next to her, a younger version of Percy I assumed was her son Devon, glared daggers at me in particular. I ignored him, turning back to continue.
Danielle went next. Then Cristoph, then Westley. None of them looked particularly upset of unhappy, smiling encouragingly at me. I heard my wife snort something about two faced bastards in my head and had to clamp down hard not to laugh. I managed, but it was close.
"You have been welcomed to the fold," Harrison said formally. "Aknowledged by the members of this council, chosen by rite of trial, and preceded by the reigning Wishmaster. Now. As is your right, you may address the family."
I nodded, then turned to look out at the faces surrounding us. Some hostile, some friendly, some strange. But…all familiar in their own way. Around the eyes, something in the jaw. These were my people. My blood. I tried to remember being that terrified kid on Callus, worried about this whole mess, scared I couldn't hack it.
But I couldn't. I was fine. Up here with my wife, with my parents in the crowd, with my best friends smiling on proudly, I couldn't have cared less about which of the people out there were glaring at me or not. "I'm not going to tell you that you suck," I said dryly. "Since I don't know most of you and the ones I do know I'm mostly pretty fond of."
There was a polite chuckle at that, mostly from people I knew. But I wasn't done. "I'm also not going to pretend you're perfect. Or that I am. We might be Ascendants, but we're still human where it counts. We make mistakes. I do it. You do it. Even the old man does it." That stirred up quite a bit of muttering, which I ignored. "I have qualms with the way things are done. I plan to make changes. I won't announce them now, because I know getting them past the council will be an uphill battle, but I want to be clear about my intentions.
"But more than that, I want to make this family stronger," I looked each of them in the eye as I spoke. "I want to make us better. And that starts with all of you. If you have something to say to me. Say it. I don't care if it's insulting, or pointless. I want you to feel free to communicate with me directly. To bring me your concerns. Because I want to improve things for the family, and I know enough to know that I don't know what that means yet."
I could have waxed eloquent and told them I was on their side, but I didn't. I hadn't earned that. They didn't know me. They had no clue what I would or wouldn't do. I had said my piece, and if they were interested they would get in touch with me.
But what made my heart sing was that despite most of them looking disaffected and bored, I DID see a few people take me seriously. I saw thoughtful expressions, and even one or two hopeful looks. Maybe my quest to change my family wasn't going to be as frustrating and isolating as I had feared. Maybe there was hope for us all yet.