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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. Wheenesss

    Wheenesss I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    I bet knowing the SI’s luck, it’s going to be the Justice League from Slave Ring Paul’s universe so by default they’re predisposed to not trusting him.
     
  2. Chaoswind

    Chaoswind Lord of nonsense

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    I really hope the elephant in the room is addressed at some point... IE how Owlman was stopped with the help of the Syndicate and how it wasn't just the JLA punching faces that made them back down...

    Also that instead of trying to blow each other to hell maybe humanity should be more worried about extra stellar threats.
     
  3. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Yes.
    Do you remember Wonder Woman 12's invisible plane in the episode 'For the Man Who Has Everything'? It was supposed to come from their encounter with the Crime Syndicate. The film is based on the drafts for that unmade episode, and it's that episode that I'm basing this version of the Syndicate on.
    As Ultraman, Superwoman and Power Ring are dead, the Syndicate don't know about that.
     
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  4. Siskulous

    Siskulous Know what you're doing yet?

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    You know, it's possible that Talon just screwed up. Depending on which Justice League he just grabbed it's very possible that they'll side with the Syndicate against a totalitarian regime.
     
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  5. Lord Ernest

    Lord Ernest At the End...

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    I didn't even know they had a possible episode for an encounter with the Crime Syndicate for the JLU. Still, I believe the point stands, the film itself is not set on Earth 12, nor interacts with Earth 12, nor the Crime Syndicate specifically parallels Earth 12; I think with the development presented it just isn't, at the moment, really associated with the DCAU.

    Some corrections below:
    I believe this requires a full stop after the hyphen.

    I think this should be: 'The Branx are more efficient and less brutish''.

    Apparently the link doesn't work anymore, not sure if it's just me, I think it was this image: https://babblingsaboutdccomics4.files.wordpress.com/2015/08/sup_653_001.png

    Error on the name, so: 'Praexis Demons, intercept.'

    Since this constitutes one sentence, I believe the first part should only be 'this is the result of a mis-' so that it flows naturally.

    I think this would be: 'there's an empty room to the right.'

    Not sure on this one but it reads awkwardly, so maybe: 'more or less the same sorts of things.'?

    This image is not working for me either, but can't recall what it was. If it was the more lizard-like Psion: https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net...ns_0001.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20120705202657
    Or the more scaled-humanoid Psion: http://image.wikifoundry.com/image/1/ExyG4QMC9LI0pdeA026P_g85593/GW358H376
     
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  6. Maxx Crowley

    Maxx Crowley Not too sore, are you?

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    Charming people. I can totally see why OL is risking his and Zantanna's lives for them.
     
  7. Impartial Panic

    Impartial Panic Know what you're doing yet?

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    with Pauls luck it's the Regime from injustice.
     
  8. SotF

    SotF Making the rounds.

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    Or some future version of Gods & Monsters...
     
  9. iamnuff

    iamnuff Connoisseur.

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    It's only been mentioned offhand, but Zatana is currently alone with Don Zatara, which doesn't seem like a great idea.
    Given that -14 Zorina could rewrite people's memories and implant killswitches just by talking backwards, leaving someone you care about alone with a magic-using crimeboss seems like a prime way to get their brain rewritten.
     
  10. Siskulous

    Siskulous Know what you're doing yet?

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    Zatanna's not exactly defenseless against that sort of thing though.

    That Justice League would very quickly wipe out what's left of the Syndicate. And Talon. And possibly Slade and Luthor. And probably Zatanna in the crossfire. OL would probably survive, but it'd be too late to help anyone else.
     
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2019
  11. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  12. Stsword

    Stsword Not too sore, are you?

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    Since the gods and monsters characters are literally all different people with different costumes, they would be obvious even at a glance.

    Likewise say the justice league of the world of Superdemon, the justice titans, the Love Syndicate, the gender reversed Justice League, the robot justice league, or league of shamans, would all be obvious at a glance in my opinion.
     
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  13. Gilhelmi

    Gilhelmi Getting sticky.

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    Anti-Green Paul, maybe?
     
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  14. lefthandturnsignal

    lefthandturnsignal Making the rounds.

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    The Justice league, recognized as such by OL could be:

    JLAU

    Anti-Green Paul's Justice league

    The justice league from earth 16

    The justice league Earth -14 has already dealt with.

    Grayven's Justice league

    Red lantern Paul's justice league

    Literally any other justice league that physically resembles the one OL is familiar with.
     
  15. Gilhelmi

    Gilhelmi Getting sticky.

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    All will be hilarious and very confusing..................

    But now I am hoping for Grayven's universe.
     
  16. Ardy

    Ardy Know what you're doing yet?

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    Oh my god and Zoat will make sure there’s no possible way they realize that OL and Grayven are the same person!
     
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  17. Maxx Crowley

    Maxx Crowley Not too sore, are you?

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    Other then the fact that OL looks exactly like Rene-Paul before he foolishly shot himself up with blockbuster?
     
  18. Ardy

    Ardy Know what you're doing yet?

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    That was more than a year ago and he was around for like a month
     
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  19. Maxx Crowley

    Maxx Crowley Not too sore, are you?

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    Because Batman is well known for forgetting minute details.

    To say nothing of Superman and Flash's super speed capable minds. Green Lantern's ring, and Diana going "Holy shit, that's totally him." Due to the time he spent with her.
     
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  20. Ardy

    Ardy Know what you're doing yet?

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    Super speed doesn’t equal super memory and Batman may assume it’s a side effect of the orange rings or something. Or just not mention it because he’s Batman
     
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  21. Maxx Crowley

    Maxx Crowley Not too sore, are you?

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    Good thing I didn't say super speed did then. I said super speed capable minds. As in minds that can cope with, notice things, react, and REMEMBER, things occuring at speeds faster than bullshit. Also, you know, all times one of them will burst into a library, read pretty much ALL the books, and then remember that shit.

    Uh huh, because that sounds like Batman. Dude...he's BATMAN. Like the first thing he'd open with is a Batman formed "Huh...you look just like this gray asshole we've got did before he turned into a gray asshole. Mind if I ask a couple of questions?"

    Yes, I'm quite sure that Batman would just file away for later/never a chance to unravel Grayven's bullshit.
     
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  22. sidekek

    sidekek Your first time is always over so quickly, isn't it?

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    Wasn't there something about speedsters forgetting things they've read in this universe?
    I can't find it now, but I remember a scene with Wally reading a book at superspeed.
     
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  23. Ngamer11

    Ngamer11 Know what you're doing yet?

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    Mr Zoat, will you be incorporating things from Young Justice: Outsiders that don't contradict your story? Livewire and Mist would be interesting characters to explore; even more so if they were part of the Team. Paul taking a day off to help meta teens learn how to utilize their powers seems like something he would do. Grayven would probably be more inclined to finding them and hiring them for his own projects, such as body-guarding the psychic school.
     
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  24. Threadmarks: Doppelgängered (part 19)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    5th February
    21:01 GMT -5


    Armourcoldgunwidebeamgoldkryptonite!

    Now, if this were my Justice League, I'd be in a great deal of trouble. But it's not. Superman's shoulders are a little too broad, the red of his cape and boots a little too bright, and his hair has a little too much volume to it. Diana's.. pant area has more blue in it, and her tiara is smaller. Their Flash is a little slimmer, their Martian has a popped collar and.. isn't wearing much. Their Lantern Stewart has a shaved head, a goatee and an unarmoured costume, and their Hawkwoman is wearing bright unarmoured clothing that my version wouldn't be seen dead in. This is probably the Justice League variant who attacked the Syndicate's moon base a year and a half ago. The Syndicate didn’t have a great deal of footage of them in action, but from what I could tell their peak output was roughly in line with what I'm used to.

    Still: they're the Justice League. They almost certainly have years of experience on me, and they're famously powerful superheroes for a reason. And it's the famous bit that's going to cause them problems. I doubt that there's anyone with superpowers who hasn't at some point thought 'how would I beat the Justice League in a fight?'. Heck, there are probably plenty of people without superpowers who've thought about it, if only to mock Batman or Aquaman. The point is, while I might have trouble with someone whose abilities I don't know well, I know these six extremely well.

    SupermanweakeningconstructstriketoheadknockbacktakeDiana'spunchonkineticbarrierpullHawkwomanasidewithconstructcoldgunonFlash.

    And they haven't had me helping them cover their weaknesses. And they haven't tried fighting me before. They don't know my weaknesses. They don't know what I can do.

    ShockcrownFlashgreenblockedcrumblershockcrownvertigoonDianaandHawkwoman.

    The only person here whose abilities I don't know well is Talon and… Duela Dent, or.. Napier, or whatever she's called here. Talon is an athletic thirteen year old with a cybernetically enhanced brain. I hope. I'm.. sure someone would have done something if his implants were going to rip him apart as he grows Gunslinger Girl style. But if Owlman had weapons that could easily kill Lanterns then their John Stewart would have died on the moon. And Power Ring Green would have died years ago.

    ThanagarianriotgasonHawkwomanmoveNthmetalmacekeeptankingDianawithkineticbarrierfirecrumblervolleytobreakStewart'sbarrier.

    But what the heck am I going to do with a Justice League? Oh… Sai's going to call in more reinforcements, isn't she? Not a lot of times when it's possible to get so many Made Men together in one place, and no one really expects telepathy or magic to work on one of Owlman's… 'Products'. Both Talon and Sai have been Syndicate members for years and they're both under sentence of death. Talon could authorise Duela to attend on his own recognisance. Him bringing in one extra helper wouldn't raise any eyebrows at all.

    PsishockDianatitaniumchainsbindandclampstunHawkwomanmorechainsrefresh-

    **Stop.**

    Everything speeds up for a moment as I fight off J'onn J'onzz's mental command. Flash collapses, his costume covered in ice from his repeated attempts to speed through cold zones specifically designed to disrupt his super speed. His speed stops his attempts killing him right away as they would most people but he's still getting dangerously cold. Superman is trying to regain his feet, right hand smeared with blood as he cautiously probes where my construct hit. Hawkwoman can't do much more than flail under the effects of the vertigo inducer while Diana remains coherent enough to glare at me. Lantern Stewart is trying to shield his team mates, my crumbler rounds preventing him from… No, he's… Only maintaining a single construct. Huh.

    I grab Hawkwoman's mace with a construct, charge it with a generator construct and swing it through their Manhunter.

    **AAAAGH!**

    He staggers, curling up as the mechanism he uses for phasing is painfully disrupted. Fabricate phase-blocking chains, psi-suppressor and wrap him up, which leaves Lantern Stewart and Talon as eff-.

    Superman punches me in the helmet, his now human-strength blow easily absorbed by my kinetic barrier.

    "Kal-El, don't-."

    Two more punches, then I use a vertigo inducer on him. He collapses, and I chain him up while suppressing Lantern Stewart.

    "Kid, what's our exit?"

    "There isn't one."

    He doesn't seem unduly troubled. "Then I guess I'll have to dig deep-."

    I fire a rapid volley of crumblers to disrupt his environmental shield and then cut off his right middle finger with an x-ionised knife. The finger and his ring fall to the floor as he winces, and I swiftly recover both. He grimaces, then takes a fighting stance. I shock crown him and then chain him up as well.

    "Talon… What was any of this in aid of?"

    "How can you even ask that? You know what the Syndicate is. I know Blue only works with them because he didn't have a choice, but you're far more powerful than he is. You wouldn't let something like the Syndicate exist on your Earth."

    I construct grab his planeshifters and-. And they self-destruct, marvellous. I haul the recumbent Justice League into an approximate line and then remove their vertigo inducers. I then give Flash a quick coat of one of Trickster's anti-vibration gels and then give him a quick warm-up ring-blast. I then.. pull Lantern Stewart's severed finger out of his ring.

    "Lantern Stewart, if you hold still I can probably reattach this."

    "Don’t go to any trouble on my account."

    "Alright." I pick him up in a construct grapple and bend him around until I have access to his right hand. Put the finger back in place and then purple healing ray for a few seconds… And then drop him back down.

    "Don't put any weight on it for a few weeks." I sigh. "What the heck am I supposed to do with you?"

    Hawkwoman sneers. "You could let us all go."

    "That would be my preferred option if-" I hold up the planeshifter. "-this hadn't fried itself. Talon, what parallel are they from?"

    He regards me impassively.

    "Do you want me to send them back to a random parallel universe?"

    "Twelve."

    !

    "T-twelve?"

    Hawkw-. Hawkgirl smiles. "Worried?"

    "More.. embarrassed. I'm-. Ac-tually a.. fffan of yours."

    Kal-El 12 frowns. "You've got a funny way of showing it."

    Aaaaaaaggghhhhhh!

    I take a hologram projector out of subspace. "I'm-. I came here from Earth Sixteen. This is-" I activate it. "-my Justice League. The.. original seven members, anyway. I'm a member of a youth team run by our Batman."

    Flash gapes slightly. "Huh?"

    "My alter ego from this parallel has a blue power ring. I first came into contact with Earth negative fourteen when their youth team attacked our LexCorp. I'm here now because the Syndicate's new management want to… Well, survive. Having studied the situation in detail, I decided that the most useful thing I could do-."

    "Is let us go and help us take the Syndicate down?"

    The other Leaguers stare at Flash, who shrugs.

    "What? He might."

    "Is to finesse them into becoming a less malevolent organisation. A direct fight would risk massive collateral damage, and I'm not totally comfortable with how police-statey Slade Wilson is making things. This gathering of the Syndicate is happening so that the management can set out their new policy and you being here is really going to undermine that. Is there any chance at all I could persuade you to accept a parole arrangement?"

    I get glared at.

    "I'll throw in the mace, power ring and turning Superman's powers back on?"

    The glares continue.

    "Fine. Flash, how fast can you read?"
     
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2019
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  25. Ngamer11

    Ngamer11 Know what you're doing yet?

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    Mr Zoat heard our requests and has given us what we want. Say hello to the famous Justice League from the Justice League Animated Series! Really hope they can get over what Paul just did and work together properly. Maybe they could even get into contact with the version of Paul on Earth 12. From what I remember about what was posted about him, he has no ring charge and is dating Cheetah.
     
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  26. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    It's unlikely. Partly because I won't be writing up to the period featured in Outsiders, partly because the things I've written can't gel with the content of Outsiders and partly because most of those youths are artificial triggers and it's unlikely that the events which led to them triggering will happen in this timeline.
     
  27. doug89

    doug89 I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    This is going to make for a fun story time when Paul gets back to 16. I think some people still underestimate him a bit. All six Justice League heavies at once in seconds. I'm sure Batman will be scrutinising the reports and recordings heavily.
     
  28. Enochi

    Enochi Getting sticky.

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    Okay what the fuck shitty marty stu fan wank did this turn into. Damn you were always borderline dipping into this territory but this is your worst chapter to date and I despise it.
     
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  29. TheEyes

    TheEyes I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Um, doesn't "Grayven's bullshit" stem directly from Batman tasking Grayven with infiltrating the Light and turning them to more productive ends and means?
     
  30. Radiant Knight

    Radiant Knight Phoenix Fire

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    That was fucking fantastic. He just destroyed them.
     
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