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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. Phrexia Unbound

    Phrexia Unbound Oooh...that's good.

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    Mart'nn L'therr?
     
  2. Silveraith

    Silveraith Argent Phantasm

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    There should be an "at" there.
     
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  3. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
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  4. Mquz

    Mquz Versed in the lewd.

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    Knowing DC, he’d turn out to somehow be Martian Lex Luthor or related to him.
     
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  5. Tzeentch

    Tzeentch I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    I guess that adds on to the reasons why their brother M'comm is such an unpleasant individual.
     
  6. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    There is a new Sunset short, BTW:



    Maybe time for another Human Resources episode? ;)
     
  7. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    I only brought half of my readers from Sufficient Velocity here. I can't afford to half my readership again.
    Yeah... He doesn't exist. He wasn't named when I started writing this, so I named M'gann's unnamed White Martian brother T'ronn.
     
  8. Phrexia Unbound

    Phrexia Unbound Oooh...that's good.

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    When no one was using telepathy Mart'nn L'therr stole 40 cakes. 40 CAKES! That's as many as FOUR TENS! And that's TERRIBLE!
     
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  9. Siskulous

    Siskulous Know what you're doing yet?

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    As for the other half, their loss. I think it's rather silly to stop reading something you enjoy just because the author has some ideas you don't like. As long as With This Ring stays entertaining I'll keep following you from forum to forum.....though, to be clear, I'd rather not have to do that again. And I think we can all agree with that.
     
  10. Mquz

    Mquz Versed in the lewd.

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    It might also be that either A - they don’t want to be QQ members, so they stay anonymous, or B - this fic has been going on for too long for their tastes, and recent updates have been fairly low-content (no world-changing arcs or seeming buildup to a final resolution for a while before the heaven arc) and when it switched sites they decided not to read the new thread.
    This fic had just recently 2 controversial and potentially alienating story arcs in a row as well.
    Honestly one of the problems causing the lack of a large fan base for this fic is that it’s too long and attracting new fans might be hard. It took me 2 months to binge read it all last year. Not many people have that sort of time commitment (I think). And it’s not like with most fics where they only update once a month and finding one’s place to continue reading is easy after leaving the fic for that long. Though I personally like the frequent update schedule. Considering there are no meaningless/ ranty updates, like even some fiction written once a month has, this fic is amazing.
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2019
  11. Stsword

    Stsword Versed in the lewd.

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    Oh did you folks know that Martian Manhunter has a little brother named T'omm?

    Anyway now I'm wondering now if Zoat is going to take any inspiration from the Rings of Saturn storyline.

    To make peace between the red and white saturnians, Jemm the Red Saturnian and Cha'rissa the White Saturnian got married, despite parties in both the reds and the white who would rather kill them both to keep the war going.
     
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  12. Ardy

    Ardy I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    How did that stop the war if everyone would rather they die?
     
  13. Finagle007

    Finagle007 [Verified Great Old One]

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    Oi, Mr Zoat. Why didn't Death of the Endless make an appearance when Paul got blasted back then? Isn't that, like, her job to escort people? Or at least send them on their way?
     
  14. Stsword

    Stsword Versed in the lewd.

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    "Parties in both factions" is not equal to "everyone."
     
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  15. Coda

    Coda Versed in the lewd.

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    When did she stop having a space in her name?

    Is the character speaking of ethnic Martians or of the martian species?
     
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  16. Prince Charon

    Prince Charon Just zis guy, you know?

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    Y'know, even without M'Gann's reaction, the term 'mindscoured' has nasty implications.
     
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  17. Ganurath

    Ganurath Apologizes For Nothing

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    My read was it's basically how M'gann's murder-rapist uncle had his mind rewritten to be a psionically crippled yet law abiding citizen... with a modifier of "this space intentionally left blank."
     
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  18. Sockmonkey

    Sockmonkey I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    The fic is too long? Balderdash! Something is only too long when you need to finish it in a set amount of time.
    If reading the story is fun and interesting for you, (as it should be since it's meant for entertainment) then why would there being too much be a problem? Read it at your own pace, confident that no matter how long you binge, there will always be more. Besides, couldn't it be posted on ff.net for the non QQ people?

    He doesn't appear in the book of destiny so she might not have sensed him.
     
  19. Mquz

    Mquz Versed in the lewd.

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    I felt like heaven went around the normal process. Instead of the normal process, they kidnapped his soul directly, so she didn’t have anything to do. At most, if he needed it, she might have rescued him and brought him to Hades. Also, his soul might not be an actual soul but something slightly different.
     
  20. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Seven Soldiers, I think.

    Thank you, corrected.
    Citizens of Mars.
     
  21. Threadmarks: Field Trip (part 15)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    9th January
    06:21 GMT


    I look out across the gathered crowd from what might generously be called the 'backstage' area. I offered to let T'ronn use Challenger Mountain -the post room is big enough- but he correctly pointed out that having a lot of White leaders suddenly disappear from the Martian mindscape wouldn't be a good idea. Kriglo was suggested, but rejected on the grounds that that would imply that the majority supported segregation. Plus, more than a few of the more moderate leaders weren't sure that they'd be safe there. And I tend to agree. I mean, if it came to it I'd grudgingly show them my memory of Karmang as proof that I'm doing his work, but if that isn't good enough for someone like T'Pexor then I've got no idea how much attention the rest would pay to it.

    In the end, one of the better connected members of the extended network actually made a formal request to their own city government, and as a result this whole thing is happening in an enclosed amphitheatre in the city of Pa'leve'ria. There's a.. certain level of Manhunter presence outside, but they're keeping a reasonable distance. Pa'leve'ria is supposed to be fairly egalitarian, though in their case it's more due to the low overall population than any actual political decision.

    I watch as the various organisers and their parties mingle. Some are speaking out loud, but the majority are communicating telepathically. I assume. For me this is like watching a film with the sound off. Even so, there's one thing I can't help but notice.

    "M'gann, is this.. really an all-White affair? Even when race relations were at their worst on Earth, there were generally a few people from the dominant groups who protested against the worst examples of poor treatment."

    "No, it's not. There are Greens taking part, at least in the peaceful demonstrations. And there were a few Reds, until…"

    I bow my head slightly. "Until the Hyperclan started targeting them to reinforce the 'us versus them' mentality."

    "In.. some places. Not everyone-. In the places where discrimination was really bad, quite a lot of Reds were against it. Just.. not a majority. But… Sometimes… The White demonstrators were really angry…"

    I nod. The IQ of a mob is the IQ of the least intelligent member, divided by the number of participants. They weren't acting in their own long term interests because none of them were thinking long term.

    "And in places like my city where it's not so bad… I guess they find it harder to get so angry about."

    I nod again. "Sure, some people attack Whites, but that's already illegal…"

    "Right." She pauses for a moment, gathering her thoughts. "My parents showed up to the early demonstrations, but… They've got jobs. My brothers and sisters come sometimes, and a lot of other Greens from mixed families. But… This has been going on for months." She shakes her head. "There were more when it started, but it's hard to keep up that level of commitment. Especially when no one knows what the Manhunters are going to do."

    "Remind me: are you actually a Manhunter?"

    "I'm… Technically an auxiliary."

    "Which means..?"

    "In Mel'dilo'rn it means I'm a Manhunter but they couldn't make it official because I was White. In other places it would mean I was.. just some girl, and they might trust me to sweep the floors. Since I became Red, no one knows what it means."

    "Can Reds become Manhunters?"

    "There's no rule against it. It would be… Unusual. And that's assuming that I even count as a proper Red."

    "So you can become a Red and not count as a Red? You're getting mis… Coloured? That's ridiculous."

    "Changing color just.. hasn't been possible for most of our history. It's sort of possible to pretend, but that only works until someone looks at your memories. Faking memories for the length of time it would take to pass any sort of detailed scan, it's…" She shakes her head. "Something that only happens in fiction. And besides, I'm not exactly a Red. As far as I know, all the Reds still have Guardian programming."

    Hm. I'm not so sure. "It would be interesting to see how many Sorcerer Priests have removed their own. They may not be Karmang, but now they know what to look for…"

    "That's…" She looks decidedly uncomfortable, then realises something. "Are you projecting?"

    "Gosh, no. I wouldn't keep something like this secret. If it was me in charge, I'd have sorcerers processing the entire population just as fast as I could. But… I admit, artificially limiting the franchise would be a perfectly Apokoliptian thing to do."

    Mother Box, other than Canis Major… Have any Lowlies made the jump? I don't mean.. all the way to the Elite, but just to full New God power?

    Ping.

    No, I suppose that you wouldn't. And on New Genesis?

    Ping.

    That's not really the same thing. They choose that life. The Lowlies of the Armagetto don't. I thought… Perhaps Father's hold isn't strong enough to guarantee they all

    Ping.

    I suppose-.

    M'gann's eyes light up. "T'ronn is about to start."

    I nod, looking out across the chamber as T'ronn appears and takes to the stage, the crowd gradually turning to look at him. "Do we need to be there?"

    "No. We'd just make things more complicated."

    I watch for a moment… And I'm not hearing anything. Of course.

    "How's he doing?"

    "Huh? Oh. It's just opening remarks at the moment. We won't know if there are any fundamental problems until… Do you know about the Assembly of Minds?"

    "No, what's that? Some sort of gestalt-telepathy?"

    "Kind of. It's the highest court of M'arzz, but people aren't.. appointed to it. Creating one requires a certain number of police, judges, government officials and probation specialists, and a case that actually requires that sort of investigation. When they work, the people involved share their knowledge and skills with each other, but it isn't.. strictly a gestalt. Everyone is still.. themselves. It's not easy to do it right; learning how to do that properly is part of the training for any of the offices that can be called upon to join in."

    I frown. "If it needs special training-?"

    "There are.. things like that which most martians can do. Letting ideas flow telepathically rather than transmitting directly or broadcasting. Unless anyone has a real objection to it that's almost certainly what they're going to do." She blinks. "Huh."

    "What?"

    "You didn't say you left people in Xan'Xie."

    "Y.. es..? Is there a problem?"

    "No. Lord Cyprian has apparently made quite an impression on the locals. And so did you."

    "I was just talking about the reason behind certain types of government structure. None of that will really be relevant at this stage." I chuckle. "Though I know that human meetings like this can get off track very easily."

    "We don't really have any experience of other forms of government. I probably know more due to my time on Earth than anyone here."

    "No offence intended, but it would probably be better if we sent some people to talk to human political theorists later, rather than relying-." Her head whips around, staring through the exterior wall. "What?"

    "The local Manhunters are backing off."

    "Is that a..? Problem?"

    "Something's not right." Her eyes fade and she flies towards the exit. "We need to find out what's going on."
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2019
  22. Pinklestia

    Pinklestia Well worn.

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    Air strike? Because it sounds like an air strike.
     
  23. Citizen

    Citizen Well worn.

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    Fortunately nothing can possibly go wrong now.
     
  24. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    To quote Agent K: "A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky animals."

    In other places it would mean I was..

    Perhaps Father's hold is strong enough to guarantee they all

    "No. Lord Cyprian has apparently made quite an impression on the locals.
    (Or delete the 'is', depending on your preference. As is, the 'is' conflicts with the 'made')

    Uh-oh...


    (Done my best on grammar and spelling, but as usual, I bet I didn't catch everything...)
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2019
  25. PDV

    PDV Revelation That Uncertainty Is Itself An Answer

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    Oh dear. Did someone with more authority than sense decide to unleash a Burner on them?
     
  26. RichardWhereat

    RichardWhereat Aia airëa Fëanáro.

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    After all, what's the worst that could happen?
     
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  27. King of Frost

    King of Frost Wishing I was somewhere colder no doubt.

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    Oh dear, are the local oppressors about to try and inspire fear in the oppressed that have already risen up? That's going to go over well, and not absolutely cause some of the more moderate White Martians to jump to "kill all of them in self-preservation" instead of "only the bad Reds need to go."

    And the way the Manhunters backed off and allowed it to happen could put them right up with the Red Martians on the extremists' "kill on sight" list.

    I really hope it's not just the Hyperclan about to stir some shit up, because that is absolutely what it would be if this were a licensed comic from DC, and I don't mean that in a good way.
     
  28. Vaermina

    Vaermina Well worn.

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    I doubt it, after all Grayven is there, and nothing truly bad ever happens to Grayven.
     
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  29. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  30. SirKaid

    SirKaid Know what you're doing yet?

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    He said, in spite of Grayven having been subjected to a full assault of the Anti-Life from Darksied.
     
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