"Do you think it's coming from John Constanteen?"
"Ah, no, but-. Ah, it's pronounced 'Constantine."
There we go, distract him by mispronouncing words. Like handling a toddler with ADHD, sometimes.
"Okay, Constantine. You know he's not in there, don't you?"
"Yes?"
Things would probably not be nearly so
quiet if John were around.
"And Uncle Sam probably isn't either?"
"Probably not. If he'd lost that much blood I think he'd be dead. Eagle?"
Regeneration bedamned, even
Wolverine would run dry in an... Hour or so?
"Oh yeah, dead. He can take a licking but he's only got the same amount of blood as a normal person."
"Right. And that Smiler guy isn't either. This place…" He turns his head to look at the city, then raises it slightly to try and see beyond it. "It's some sort of American nightmare, but it was here yesterday and it'll probably be here tomorrow. Maybe it would be better to stay on-task."
Good, mispronounce his name, use cutesy insulting nicknames. If even
those let him hear you, then let him hear you making fun of him....
"Yeeeeaaah but… It's just, that can't be a good sign, right?"
"Probably not. But the way I see it, there's always going to be a worst thing about a place, and we can't change history. If we can't risk fixing the whole place then it's best to just keep going." He give me a sly smile. "Besides, don't you wanna give Smiley a blacker eye for getting you killed?"
Because he's already going to have a matching pair of shiners once they get their hands on him, of course...
That yellow face might be black-and-blue by the time they get done.
"My death was temporary. The damage he's doing to the psyche of the human species is ongoing." I glance at the torch, but he's right. That's not of primary importance right now.
Wait a moment.
And now even OL realises how badly he's getting distracted.
Finally!
"Doctor Mist called you in, didn't he?"
"You just repainted the Statue of Liberty, Paul."
Well, technically...
Maybe if he applied an anti-corrosive coating after polishing it back to original standard...
"I cleaned it! The green colour was from the rust!"
"And that's why the Justice League has a Paul Protocol."
And this may be the first time anyone's
mentioned such a thing to his face.
I throw my arms up in delight! "YES!"
Alan frowns, puzzled. "Ah… I don't think I understand what you're so happy about."
Oh, come on. Don't
you ever get a little thrill when bad guys turn and cry your name when they see your glow come up behind them?
"How many people can say that the Justice League have a plan specifically to deal with them?"
"A.. few dozen..? Mostly bad guys?"
Though for a great many of them, it comes down to 'disable exotic defences, punch in face -
righteously.'
I nod, still smiling. "Exactly. Washington DC next?"
"I…" Alan considers for a moment, then nods. "Can't hurt."
I can't help thinking he feels like he just got
played.
"Eagle? Vulture? Any anti-air weapons along the way we should worry about?"
The eagle shrugs. "I don't know. I make a point of not coming here."
I wouldn't be surprised to find out their version of the Pentagon is a giant death fortress...
"There's a metaphor about people with different points of view not talking to each other, there. Vulture?"
The vulture nods. "Washington is defended by the entire Military Industrial Complex. Weapon emplacements as far as the eye can see. Let me know when you get into range, so I can hop off and get first dibs on your remains."
You assume there's going to be anything bigger than
ash once they get done shooting?
Alan nods. "How about if we come in from above?"
"You could, but you'd have to avoid the Star Wars Defence Platforms."
Because
of course they have a working version.
That probably consists of space fighters and guys with laser swords, because
rule of funny.
"Underground?"
"Putrid worms. They're pretty common in Washington. They hide underground so that no one can see-."
Are they
purple?
Or is it a case of Red vs Blue?
"Yes, thank you, I worked that one out."
Alan nods. "So how do we get in there?"
No doubt Invisibility and Phasing won't work. The Grinning Bastard probably has
protections against that.
The vulture ruffles her feathers. "Be a vulture? They don't bother me."
"Could we sneak in?"
...Maybe using giant construct vulture shells?
...It
could work.
"I don't know. I've never tried." … "Because I'm a vulture."
"Okay, well I don't feel like trying to fight some sort of magic reflection of America's military power. How about you?"
And now I'm picturing giant GI Joes running around with laser-shooting M4s yelling propaganda slogans... Because
rule of funny.
The eagle shakes its head. "No. Do you think we could inspire them to side with the real America?"
A interesting question, and one I started wondering about when I read The Ultimates. Skrull infiltrate the Pentagon and give one set of orders to the American military. Then Captain America gets on the radio and asks for backup, and he's the one they choose to obey. A bit Great Manny, maybe, but it showed people doing what they thought was right rather than what they were supposed to. But…
Hey, when America's Ass tells you to do something, you
do it.
"I don't think that's how things work here. But I suppose that we won't know until we get a closer look. If we fly that way slowly we should get some warning before we reach their cordon."
Alan nods. "Alright. South west, or along the coast?"
Well, do you want to be dodging Navy flight patrols? Which I am now picturing as pulling stunts like every jet-fighter action movie of the 80's, because, you guessed it,
rule of funny.
Rule of Three, baby!
"Given how big the American navy is, I'd have thought that directly west and then directly south would be best."
"Over New York?"
Especially since
this Big Apple is rotten to the core...
Ah… "Vulture, how high up do you have to be before the Star Wars Defence Platform starts shooting?"
"I'm a black vulture, not a fried chicken."
Vulture not known for setting altitude records, after all.
Alan and I look at each other, then we both raise construct shields over the group, the eagle immediately jumping off his perch and awkwardly hovering in the exact centre of the shielded area.
And then we're off, the streets of Evil New York passing beneath us. They're like… Every idea of what grim and decaying tenements would look like, but taller and built along narrower streets and… I think the roof is bigger than the ground floor?
Because why let physical laws get in the way of malign architecture.
Alan's head jerks around as he spots something. "Did you see that?"
"See what?"
"Someone was trying to climb out of that.. window, and it kinda… Swallowed them back up."
Probably a stand-in for the downtrodden masses.
"Vulture, are there any real people here?"
"I think of myself as a real person, yes."
Not what they meant, and you know it, Gordon.
"Material people, or are they all manifestations of the American psyche?"
"I think it's just you. But I haven't looked everywhere."
Because why put any effort in?
Magic can handle the hard part of finding corpses for you to loom over and pick at.
"Which means that's probably a living metaphor for… Poverty? Violent communities? So if as a general policy we're not touching anything we don't have to…"
"Yeah. It's just… Seeing folks in need and not stepping in…"
Focus, Alan. Focus on grabbing that Yellow-headed Asshole in a big construct hand and putting your boot to his ass repeatedly. That'll do more to clean this place up than anything else you could do.
"Not the heroic thing to do, I know. But like you said…"
"Yeah. I kinda wanna have it out with that Smiley guy, too."
That's the ticket.