[Harry Potter] Malfoid Stories

[dwennon]

Also, my God, the Hermione slander is GLORIOUS.

She used to be one of my favorite characters but thanks to time and Emma Watson, she hasn't aged well.

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Yeah, some of it has been pretty fun. Though I never personally cared all too positively or negatively for Hermione beyond I generally don't much care for outright bashing after a point. So some of the slander has been fun, form what little I can find. I know there's more to be found, but twitter/x or whatever else is a pain to navigate to try and find things outside of stumbling across people posting stuff.

Though at times it's also been kind of funny, thanks to the artists, with Ron and Neville also getting the Malfoid treatment. Not quite as fun or common, but there's been some of that which has been fun too.

 

[digcat]

Hermione: "Wha-But-HEY! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

Ron: "Watch me. Actually don't, you'll just make it weird."

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That was beyond refreshing. For a long time it was almost impossible to find anything HP related were Ron or all his family weren't bashed. Plus a lot of the fandom seemed to make hermione perfect not that the movies didn't do that already.

 

[CountvonBarnOwl]

Count might find it in himself to do the dumb thing again and check back on discord just to see the damage that the glory of Malfoid has inflicted this weekend. Count still hates discord.

Also, am I the only one who thinks that half of the shipping on the internet surrounding Harry arises from the fact that he had no real legitimate love interest. I mean, Ron and Hermione became a thing and everything else can be put down to teenage hormones. Which, ordinarily, is okay. Not everybody meets the love of their life in British-Boarding-School-Land. So verisimilitude can bear Harry without a love interest. Of course that doesn't really feel in line with the promises that Rowling set out beforehand, does it? So Harry needs a woman and Ron's sister was... around. At least Ginny is a plausible choice in this regard because I am certain that a lot of IRL relationships start off because you met somebody who is related to/friends with somebody that you know and the two of you hit it off. I don't know if it was different in the books, I only read the first three, but I watched all of the movies and played both the Chamber of Secrets Gameboy game, and the PS2 Quidditch world cup game.

I also read, and laughed my pants off while reading Seventh Horcrux. That is unequivocally the funniest Harry Potter fic ever written.

All of the foregoing fails to stop Malfoid from plugging up what appears to be a literary vacancy and giving Draco something to do in the later books. Because, frankly, the school rivalry with the bratty rich kid only really holds water for the first two books. In Tom Brown's School Days (Published 1850), the archetypal British Boarding School novel upon which all others are based, the Draco equivalent in the story gets expelled about a third to around halfway through the book.

Now, Tom Brown's School Days was a semi-autobiographical novel that Thomas Hughes based off of the time his brother George Hughes spent in Rugby (circa 1834 to 1842). All of the characters in Tom Brown's School Days were in fact real people who had their names changed. Except for Dr. Thomas Arnold - basically the Dumbledore equivalent - who was already too well known and well regarded for anything besides calling him Tom Arnold to come across as ludicrous perjury.

Tom Brown outlays basically all of the archetypal characters and setting pattern that Rowling used.

Boarding school, obviously.

Main protagonist is a completely oblivious newcomer who knows absolutely goose-egg about the unwritten rules of his new environment? Check.
Jocular jolly joker of a friendly older student whose chicanery is often purposed to helping the main character? Check.
Cowardly bully sports rival? Check.
Old and esteemed and otherwise regarded-as-perfect counselling headmaster who manages things behind the scene so nothing bad ever really happens? Check.

Rowling had archetypes to play with, all deeply nestled into British culture by the time that she decided to write her own works, and a good outline of what roles she'd need to fulfil if she wanted to write in this genre.

But again, all of the people in Tom Brown were indeed real human beings who had real lives and whose real choices dictated the plot. But I already touched on that - see above.

But could any of you imagine what it would be like if somewhere between the beginning of Prisoner of Azkaban, and the end of Goblet of Fire, Draco got expelled because the professors got too fed up with him showing up to class late and/or drunk. That was why the kid that Draco was based off of got expelled in Tom Brown for.

Which gives us an excellent prompt for a Malfoid snippet.

Malfoid decides to for (insert plausible reason here) cut class and have some, okay more than some, gin (I guess it would be firewhiskey in her case) instead. Then Crabbe and Goyle are, later that day, heading out for a beer and she decides to go along. Her two friends - completely oblivious to her prior intake and her personality lead to Malfoid going well beyond her limit. Crabbe and Goyle attempt to secure discreet transport for blackout-drunk Malfoid before splitting and ditching her at the slightest hint that someone who might be able to pick them out being in the area.

But instead of being found by a professor who has had it up to here with this, Malfoid is found by Harry and immediately begins blubbering her subconscious feelings, things about the Dark Lord, etcetera, etcetera. Moved, and realizing that Malfoid is useful (depends on how you want to play it) Harry resolves to sneak her back to the Slytherin dorms without being noticed.

Of course, this is all while a blackout drunk Malfoid is trying to make out with him.

Fuck, if I can remember how the movies went - It has been quite a while since I watched any of them in full, I think I can figure out a good time for this. Definitely in the back half of the series.

And it includes sequel bait too. Malfoid snapping and hitting say... Voldemort or Bellatrix with either a Crucio or an AK while hungover (I figure a raging hangover will probably make both of those things more powerful)

---

An example:

Hermione: "It's called ethical non-monogamy, Ronald. You and I are in a relationship, but I am also in a relationship with Krum. You both fulfill different needs of mine and I fulfill your basic needs. We just share! Isn't that so progressive?"

Ron: "... You know what? Lav asked me to massage her gigantic tits for a while. Think I'll take her up on the offer."

Hermione: "Wha-But-HEY! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

Ron: "Watch me. Actually don't, you'll just make it weird."

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Way to go, Hermione: The negative stereotypes probably wouldn't be nearly as bad, or feel as much like objective fact, if you didn't try your damnedest to prove them in every conversation.

Good Show @AndrewJTalon

---

That was beyond refreshing. For a long time it was almost impossible to find a anything HP related were Ron or all his family weren't bashed. Plus a lot of the fandom seemed to make hermione perfect not that the movies didn't do that already.

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I think the Ron thing can be explained by the fact that Harry Potter is one of those stories that the more you sit with it the more worried, frustrating questions you have to ask yourself. Because it is fine one book or one move at a time. Especially the early movies and books. But if you string them all together, you're confronted with a pattern that leaves you with questions for both the characters and the author that you know you won't receive answers to. I am tired as shit right now and I haven't watched any of the movies in a WHILE so I cannot give you specifics at present, but I am going to guess that Ron & family are an on-hand outlet.

Dumbledore too, because there are some choices that he makes in the earlier books which, both in and of themselves, and when viewed in light of the whole, can be easily lambasted as early deliberate attempts to bump Harry off. Tell a bunch of eleven-year-olds not to enter one particular hallway? What is the first thing that they'll do?

Hermoine. I am willing to bet that has to do with fans self-identity getting too attached to the character, and her becoming a sort of ego trip for them.

Fuck, I could probably give you a crash course on the psychology that motivates bad fanfic writing behaviors and personality disorders arising from emotionally truncated childhoods based purely off of Harry Potter fanfics if I had enough material to work with.

Then again, I think I am glad that I do not.

 

[dwennon]

Fuck, if I can remember how the movies went - It has been quite a while since I watched any of them in full, I think I can figure out a good time for this. Definitely in the back half of the series.

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Half Blood Prince is probably the best choice, though Order of the Phoenix and Deathly Hallows could work too with some different tones or pushes needed.

In the case of HBP/movie 6 being the stress of trying to fix the vanishing cabinet is getting to her, all the expectations and time tables she may need to deal with. Turns to alcohol to help take the edge off, then one night a fair ways before she's done and things have begun to slip Harry finds her and things proceed from there.

And it includes sequel bait too. Malfoid snapping and hitting say... Voldemort or Bellatrix with either a Crucio or an AK while hungover (I figure a raging hangover will probably make both of those things more powerful)

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Possibly, but it could make things escalate to far too dark far too quickly with reprisals by those two with the very same curses.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

"Luna."

"Ronald. It's nice to see you."

"Yeah... Yeah, nice to see you... Things going well at Hogwarts?"

"I get in trouble sometimes but yes. The children are learning. They're happy. You?"

"Just trying to finish what I started... There's a lot of evil in the world to deal with."

"I know."

Luna hums a soft, random little tune to fill the silence. Ron sighs.

"I don't think I can go through with it. With Hermione."

"Hm?"

"Marriage. She's all in on a career and everything and... I can't just defer to her anymore. I've changed... We both have."

"You more than her."

"She needs someone to go along with her... Or someone who excels in fields that don't threaten her. I... I can't be that for her. And... There's you."

"Ronald... You know how I feel about you."

"And you know how I feel about you."

"And you know how I feel about Hermione."

"You two fight all the time-"

"And I still love her like a sister, Ronald. I won't break her heart."

"I... I don't want to break her heart-"

"But you have to. I'm sorry... But she gave you hers. And if you don't want to hurt her more, you have to break it. It will break yours too, but... It has to be done, Ronald. You need to do it."

"... And after?"

"After? You will both rebuild. She will find someone, I've no doubt about that... And you'll have me."

---

Less slanderous more dramatic.

 

[digcat]

If Lavender had been allowed to be normal in HBP i do think she would have been good for Ron.

 

[samChan]

Look fun, wonder if we going to have Severa as straight or just doom yuri.

Spoiler

 

[krahe]

"Huh, the Mirror of Erised. It's still here." Harry said, moving closer to the imposing frame, before cleaning the dust from its surface with the hem of his robe. "I thought professor moved it away."

They found this room, a closet, really, by chance, ducking away from incoming Filch into the closest quickly unlocked door. And here it was, by its own size taking up more than half the room. Quite honestly, Harry had no desire to look into the mirror again, having more than enough of his fill from the last time he saw the bloody thing in the Stone's chamber. That only left him looking at his... rival? Accomplice?

"Erised..." Dracia furrowed her brows in thought before looking back at him with barely contained mirth. "Desire, really?"

...a pain in the arse. He blushed in secondhand embarrassment at quite honestly tacky naming, whoever made it clearly had no good sense or a really weird humor. It being both was not that out with how odd wizards tend to be.

"Professor Dumbledore showed me it during my first year here." He moved on a bit too quickly, away from the awkward subject. "It's supposed to show your heart's greatest desire."

Malfoy's face visibly brightens up at his words and she quickly looks back into the mirror with curious anticipation. As the seconds go by her expression falls, turning disappointed, then annoyed, before letting out an irritated huff.

"Well, that thing is clearly not working, there is nothing 'erised' in it at all." She quirked a brow, unimpressed at whatever she is seeing in reflection, before turning to look at Harry, putting her hand on her hip with that annoyingly familiar look of a smug, punchable snake. "The only thing I see in this mirror is the two of us."

 

[AndrewJTalon]

"Barty, my faithful servant. You will infiltrate Hogwarts as Moody. You must fool everyone."

"Yes, Master."

"You will ensure Potter falls into my clutches at the appointed hour so I may be reborn, stronger than ever."

"Yes, Master."

"And most importantly... You will ensure Potter and Malfoid become romantically involved."

"... Master?"

"Did I stutter?"

"No Master, forgive me. As always, you know best. It shall be done. They will be married by year's end!"

"No no no, that's far too fast! It needs to develop organically! Give them the right pushes at the right time so they are dating! This is absolutely crucial! Do not fail me."

"Of... Course Master?"

 

[digcat]

Voldy is a shipper.

"Luna."

"Ronald. It's nice to see you."

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Ron going after best girl.

Spoiler

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do you think the sword of Gryffindor would actually look like if it was a sword and not a letter opener.

Spoiler

 

[Shunyata]

I thoroughly endorse the Malfoid trend, as bratty tsundere rich blondes make both excellent love interests and can pull double-duty as rivals in a pinch.

Therefore Malfoid proves what the general public has known all along, namely that if Draco Malfoy had been a girl, she'd be infinitely more endearing with zero or near-zero change to her personality whatsoever.

Now, I do know a bit about the literary roots of the character Draco Malfoy. So I am trying to think of whether it would be fitting to have Malfoid trying and failing to escape a wholly unearned reputation for bravery, or have her quietly manipulating everyone all while keeping up the facade of a clueless bimbo.

I think the coward route whose unearned reputation shames every Gryffindor there ever was is more plausible, because manipulating people into believing you're not a threat by pretending to be a vapid slut only works when you're trying to climb the social ladder, not when you're already on top of it.

Spoiler: Anyway, here's a Malfoid sequence

Mission failed successfully, Malfoid. Harry has the look of a man who hasn't slept in years and Voldemort probably died around/just after picture 2. By picture 3 he looks like he stopped feeling any feeling whatsoever aside from - presumably, we are in the SFW board - from his wife's physical affection. The curiosity of the first picture and the irritation of the second are wholly gone. And it looks like his oldest child is entirely aware of this, and displeased in ways that only centuries of marinating one's genes in the upper strata of British nobility can allow someone to be. In spite of that, I somehow feel this Harry would not trade his wife or his children for the world. On reassessment, his eyes around picture 3 make it look like there is a lot of genuine happiness buried somewhere underneath all of that. Good job Malfoid. You've won at life.

No Seriously, Malfoid-the-son down there on the bottom left-hand corner looks like Seto Kaiba was something he blew out of his nose. And because his mouth is not open, it is working.

But damn, divvying up the Black, Malfoy, and Potter inheritances is probably going to be a bitch (I am not an admitted barrister in Wizarding Britain, I do not own a wig, nor do I have any license to practice Goblin law - I am only guessing) I cannot quite recall (I have seen all of the movies) what happened to the legacies of the former two in the wake of the whole Voldemort business but families like that have long histories and ways to shelter their generational wealth from an occasionally stupid head or heir backing the wrong horse in a war, usually. But let's see. Potters - 12th century, Malfoys - came over with William the Conqueror so 1066, Blacks - Middle Ages, so potentially as far back as the fifth century.

Is each one of the kids going to have to take a different last name? Are Harry and Malfoid the new 0,0 for all legitimate claims to those lineages?

Also, is Lyra some reference to ancient Greece that I am not getting? I get that she cannot be Malfoid Malfoy, but why Lyra specifically? And, what blindingly obvious thing is so in my face that it swung the meter around and I missed it?

Anyway, I found another sequence of pictures from the same artist.

An interquel apparently. Now unlike some interquels that I will not name, this one is very good. You can clearly see what happened between the first set of pictures, and it explains how we got from each to the next without contradicting ourselves.

So, what else can I have Malfoid do?

Wait, Malfoid was born in 1980. There's an idea for a crossover fic that is probably never going to happen. There's two.

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Her Revenge, After a Long Marriage with a lot of kids and alot of grandkids and alot alot of great grandkids as well, she dies and his life is truely ruined and he dies heartbroken soon after....

 

[AndrewJTalon]

The compartment door slid open with the particular force Lyra Malfoy reserved for an audience. Pansy Parkinson and Daphne Greengrass stood at her shoulders, already wearing the thin, anticipatory smiles of girls who expected the usual sport. Lyra herself looked precisely as she always did at the start of term: pale, immaculate, and prepared to be unpleasant. Her eyes lit up as she saw Harry, Ron, and Hermione, and a cruel smirk grew on her face.

"Well," she said, eyes moving from Harry to Ron to Hermione and back again. "If it isn't the famous trio. Scarhead, the weasel, and the mudblood. I had hoped the summer might have improved at least one of you. Evidently not."

Harry stared back. His anger rose… But the memory of the advice he had received helped quell his irritation. A letter from Sirius on how to deal with Malfoy, once and for all! The words burned clear and bright in his mind:

"Harry, the best way to deal with Malfoy is simple: Whenever she's mad, tell her she's beautiful. When she bullies you, act like she's flirting with you. Give her chocolates. Give her flowers. Ask what she wants to name your first child and if you two want to live in the house in Godric's Hollow. What wallpaper for the baby's nursery. Kiss her hand. She will go barmy. It'll be hilarious-Trust me Harry."

He reached into his robe, set a small box of Honeydukes chocolates on his knee, and regarded Lyra with mild interest.

"You look beautiful when you're angry," he said.

The compartment went very quiet.

Ron's hand rose at once to cover his mouth. His shoulders began to shake. Hermione made a small, strangled sound and turned a deep, immediate red, her eyes fixed on Harry as though he had begun speaking in Parseltongue. Behind Lyra, Pansy's smile collapsed. Daphne's lips parted and stayed that way.

Lyra blinked. Color touched the high points of her cheeks. "W-What did you just say?"

"That you're beautiful when you're angry." Harry stood up and walked up to stand just in front of Lyra-The summer had given him a head of height over her easily, and she shied back just a bit as he kept talking. "Though… Honestly? You're always beautiful."

"Wha-You-I-!"

"Honestly," Harry allowed himself a little grin, "At this point in our relationship, we should start thinking of names."

"Names," Lyra repeated. The pink had climbed toward her ears.

"For the first child. James, if it's a boy. Lily if it's a girl, though you'd have a say, of course."

"S-S-Say?!" Lyra managed faintly. Harry nodded.

"Yeah. As for living arrangements, well… My parents left me a house in Godrid's Hollow. It needs repairing, but the nursery faces east. We'd need to choose wallpaper. Nothing green, unless you insist on it. I like blue sky with white clouds, myself."

Ron made a violent noise into his palm as he tried not to die laughing. Hermione had pressed both hands to her face; the visible portion of her forehead was scarlet. Pansy stared at the chocolate as if it might explode. Daphne had gone nearly as red as Lyra and seemed unable to decide where to look.

Lyra's mouth opened, closed, and opened again. The color had reached her throat now, stark against the white of her collar. "You cannot—Potter, that is not—I came here to—!"

"To flirt," Harry said, evenly. "I assumed that was the point of the visit. If I've misread you, say so." He stood, took the hand she had braced against the doorframe, and bent just far enough to brush his mouth across her knuckles. Her skin was cool. She went perfectly still, her face as red as an apple.

"If you want to talk more, we can do it at the welcome Feast. Then start planning out a date."

"D-D-Date…?!" Lyra squeaked.

He slid the chocolates into her hand. She held them, dazed, her mouth opening and closing. Her entourage stepped away, eyeing Lyra like she was a bomb about to burst.

He smiled and winked.

"See you there."

Harry released her, stepped back, and slid the compartment door shut in her face.

For a moment the train compartment was silent. Then Harry sat, and allowed himself a small smile.

Ron lowered his hand at last. His ears were red, his eyes wet with mirth as he finished his snickers. "Harry," he said, reverent. "Mate. You're my flipping hero!"

"Hah," Harry laughed, "Did you see her face? She'll never bother us again!"

Hermione made another incoherent sound and refused to uncover her face.

"Hermione?" Ron prompted. "Come on… You have to admit, that was brill! Come on!"

"... You two are idiots," she sighed.

"What?" Harry laughed. "We've seen the last of Malfoy! At least for some time!"

---

At the welcoming feast, Harry was very surprised when a certain blonde slid onto the bench next to him at the Gryffindor table. Her face was bright red, but she was determined.

"Malfoy?" He managed.

"S-So… Um…" She looked at him without quite looking at him, "About… That date…?"

"... Yeah?" Harry coughed.

"... Well… Um… Aren't we going to… Plan it out?" She ventured.

Ron dropped his food as he stared at them. Hermione rolled her eyes as the rest of the table gaped in silence.

"Like I said… Idiots."

And somewhere warm and tropical, Sirius Black was laughing his arse off.

 

[joethelesser]

I thought they were pretty clear that it's the term that they have issues with (largely because of its connection to an incel meme) rather than the actual content?

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Yes, it's Just the term. They have no problem at all with female Malfoy. Galfoy or fem!Malfoy, etc are all fine.

I heard it came from the term femoid. Something about a female humanoid or something.

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Just idiots being awful on chan. "The term "foid" is shorthand for the incel slang term "femoid," which is used to describe women as inhuman, robotic beings."
Which, let's be fair, is not at all what the point of a well-written Fem-Malfoy would be about at all. Not that an android ruins a plot, just that a poorly written female android would. Who wants to read TRASH? Not it.

bratty tsundere rich blondes make both excellent love interests and can pull double-duty as rivals in a pinch

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Here's the real deal. A good, bratty, semi-combattive Malfoid could serve as the foil and love interest both. My brain is already considering the ideas, and I HEARTILY endorse such ideas. Plot bunnies away!

 

[Aleh]

Yes, it's Just the term. They have no problem at all with female Malfoy. Galfoy or fem!Malfoy, etc are all fine.

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Yes. I know.

Hence "I thought they were pretty clear." As in, "I'm not sure why there's confusion on this point."