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Seven Colours (Naruto)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Planeshunter, May 29, 2020.

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  1. LurkingInTheDeceit

    LurkingInTheDeceit “Brave” explorer treading “New” land

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    Gotcha.

    Huh, ty for the new word.

    Fair enough, my aversion to simple happy endings is just a preference, not an objective critique.
     
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  2. Threadmarks: 041 - Mother’s Epilogue: Out of context problem.
    Planeshunter

    Planeshunter [Verified Slimegirl Whisperer]

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    Right, this epilogue has proved to be... Polarizing. So I think some warning are proper.
    Please keep in mind that the story proper ended in 039 - Seven Colours. If you don't like what's revealed here, feel free to ignore it. Nobody outside the room where this epilogue takes place will ever know about what transpired here, and henceforth the story will remain unchanged even if you choose to disregard it.


    041 - Mother’s Epilogue: Out of context problem.


    It arrived as it was expected, a somber-looking jonin bearing the Konoha forehead protector and carrying dire news. The man was cautiously respectful, but didn’t hesitate to look her in the eye to give his report and condolences. Old enough to have heard the stories then, but not old enough to have lived through them.

    No matter.

    The pleasantries are exchanged, the letter of condolences delivered, signed by the whole ninja council in absence of a seated Hokage, and the package with her daughter’s recovered worldly possessions received. She dismisses the man from her presence and her mind, and walks back inside her ancestral home.

    Her steps are measured as she walks down the main corridor, her face stony and her eyes stormy. Unhurriedly, she opens the door to her office and steps around her desk. The letter and package fall softly in front of her as she takes her seat. Only then, as she interlaces her fingers under her chin, does she finally break the silence.

    “Tell the boss I won’t be available.” The dark silhouette of a shadowy lizard-like creature fades into view on one of the walls, and hurries to leave through the window after a curt nod. Through the closed window, being two dimensional is useful like that.

    With what would’ve been a drawn out sigh on anyone else, but barely reflects as a minute relaxation around her eyes, she fishes for the extended report accompanying the condolence letter. The blood samples left in the scene allowed for the identification of the presumed killer, a kenjutsu master Kusa missing-nin, assumed to have been recruited by Orochimaru for this operation with an estimated A-rank threat level.

    Then the report goes on unsubtly praising the victim's prowess, stalling a superior opponent for nearly half an hour through combat prowess alone and a lot of similar blatantly doctored pacifying shit one would write to a grieving mother when one desperately wants to avoid said mother flipping out and one has no idea how to actually pacify a grieving mother. But it’s enough for her to get a mental picture of the situation.

    “Oh, Ran. You really pulled all the stops for this one.” She mutters, and only someone very familiar with her would be able to pick the hints of fond amusement in her otherwise flat voice. “I wonder if she ever realized what exactly she was up against.”

    She then focuses on the personal effects package, a hand reaching inside and unerringly pulling out a tin locket without sparing a thought for anything else inside. She turns it around in her hand, feeling for the seal work. It’s a beautiful and secure thing, keeping the inside safe from anyone and anything except their rightful owner, and the holder of the matching piece.

    There’s a not-quite snort of derision when she verifies the seal work hasn’t been tampered with this last month. Since the loss of Uzushiogakure, Konoha has been losing it's touch with seals. A flick of her wrist, and the locket opens, filling the silent office with its melancholic music and revealing the picture inside.

    This time, she allows herself a slight smile, recognising the scene from her own birthday some years ago. It shows Ran and Karin in the center, with Makisu and herself standing behind them. Her daughter has always been more sentimental than anyone gives her credit for. Undertale, really?

    Turning the picture around, she almost can’t hold back an amused chuckle at the overly corny words she finds there. Yes, this was intended for little Karin alright.

    … Maybe she should follow her example?

    Decision made, a blank scroll is produced, and short but precise words are addressed to her daughter in all but blood. She then loses no time in getting her own mail package ready, handing it to the horned lizard that suddenly has been standing on her desk all this time and what do you mean there was nothing there a second ago?

    “For the Courier-nin, I think.” She comments as the lizard proceeds to swallow the package whole. “I don’t want to cause trouble sending an unknown summon into a Village on high alert.”

    The summon somehow manages to produce a tittering sound of disapproval even in the middle of the swallowing process.

    “I know, but it’s the principle of the matter.” She retorts. “It just would be rude to intrude.”

    With a last hurt glance as it finally manages to close its mouth, the lizard turns away and disappears into… somewhere.

    “You could’ve made it easier for her, you know?” A voice she’s not heard in a lifetime, but she would never be able to forget, comes from beside her. It’s a voice that fills both her dreams and nightmares. “I wouldn’t have complained even if you… pruned the world a little, Momo-chan.”

    She calmly turns around, noting how the wall of her office has turned into a mirror and how there’s someone else taking her place in the reflected scene. A delicate beauty of pale skin and golden hair, dressing in a tight business suit that accentuates her curvy figure and contrasts pleasantly against the equally golden fur of her nine fox tails.

    The mirror-world woman flicks the golden fox ears at the top of her head, blood red eyes shining with amused mirth. And she can’t help but reflect on how people of this world would trip over themselves to reach a hilariously wrong conclusion about her appearance.

    Fools, all of them.

    “I don’t do coddling, Boss.” She answers the creature. “Those are Ran’s hurdles and trials, for her to overcome.”

    “Your superman dilemma thing again?” The beautiful monster asks with bored interests. “I really think you should’ve done whatever you wanted for once. This was your vacation, after all.”

    “And I did whatever I wanted.” She huffs, there’s no point in sticking to her poker face against this terrifying entity she calls boss, they know each other too well… and she can read minds. “Sometimes regrets and what-ifs sneak up on one, even if they make the right choice.”

    “… She’ll be fine, you know?.” The terror incarnate comments.

    “Of course she’ll be fine, she’s my daughter.”

    “And yet you worry anyway.”

    “Of course I worry, she’s my daughter.”

    “... You keep acting like a mortal when it comes to family.” The monster sighs, shaking her head in defeat. “Sometimes I think I’d have to have a child of my own to ever begin to understand.”

    “Might not be enough, boss.” The human points out. “I am mortal, more or less.” And you’re a timeless abomination whose feelings of attachment are pathologically incapable of growing beyond ‘idle interest’.

    There’s a brief pause as the monster examines her nails, humming carelessly as they grow longer and shorter under her critical eye, until she finally nods in satisfaction and focuses back on the conversation.

    “It’s time to come back to work, Momo-chan.” She announces, a gate opening between the real and mirror rooms. “The deal was until your daughter left the nest.”

    “I know.” She answers simply, already standing up from her desk.

    “Every time we go through this I expect you to raise a stink about having to leave your children behind. Isn’t that part of what mortal mothers are supposed to do?”

    “Maybe it is.” She admits slowly. “But Ran is ready, she doesn’t need me anymore.” And she’s never been your average mortal mother anyway. “A deal is a deal.”

    “Yeah, whatever. I’ll keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. At least you’re entertaining.”

    “That’s why you picked me, didn’t you Boss?” She’s given up in ever getting a straight answer, but no way in hell she was recruited at random. “I’m a barrel of laughs.”

    “I picked you to laugh as the plans of men and gods turn into dust, and to drink the sweet, sweet nectar of derailed fate while being paid for it. But I guess the entertainment is a good bonus.”

    Ignoring her Boss’ last comment, she stands in front of the gate and directs her thoughts towards this world one last time. Yes, Ran is ready to strike out on her own. She can leave without regrets. Nobody will associate the last Shimada scion with the Seven-Coloured Puppeteer unless something goes utterly wrong.

    Though she has to wonder why so many of her daughters obsess with getting second identities when they leave the nest. At least it's always amusing to try and figure out which character they’ll use as inspiration.

    “Coming, Momo-chan?”

    “… Yes, Boss.”

    Shimada Momoko, the Dragon Sleeping in the Grass and last Head of the Shimada Clan disappears through a door leading nowhere and the Shimada are no more.

    At least, in this world.

    And this was Mother’s epilogue, and hopefully a hook for the World Invader Momo series. Any resemblance to the ROB concept in general and Cherico’s take on the Company are pure coincidence. This epilogue is ten years old, I didn’t even know about those things back then.

    We end the Seven Colours Book with this, though I'll post the one-shot that inspired the story in a few days. The next story, unless there's a miraculous upset in the polls, will be Tempered by Fire a Fate/SN self-insert that, honestly, I don't expect to be excessively long. I'll drop a link here with the next update.
    A friend explained to me in small words how stupid it was to have a Patreon and not use it, then proceeded to threaten bodily harm if I didn’t at least insert a plug on my stories so… Here’s my Patreon. It’s not much, but it’s mine. Don’t feel obliged to anything but maybe consider a small pledge if you enjoy my works?


    Canon Omake - Momo’s griefs.


    “You don't let me guide heroes anymore, Boss.”

    “I let you tutor Naruto once, exclusively non-combat. He bent the plot over the desk like a cheap whore.”

    “Not my fault it was so contrived and had so many points of failure, you can always make me forget the next plot before sending me there.”

    “We tried that with Harry Potter, I'm not going to comment on how it went.”

    “I just taught him how to apply common sense.”

    “With extreme prejudice.”

    “I don’t believe in half measures.”

    “Yes, that's the problem, plots tend to fail in an extremely flashy way when the characters exercise your particular brand of common sense. Which usually includes an unreasonable amount of fire and gore.”

    “So, can I go train another hero soon?”

    “Oh, why the heck not? I hear Hallownest could use some common sense.”


    A/N: “I was Hornet when I reincarnated”, anyone?
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2021
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  3. Tale_Swapper

    Tale_Swapper Wanna-Be Benevolent Necromancer

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    Yeasss. Hollow Knight fiction, please yes.
     
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  4. readingpanther5

    readingpanther5 Know what you're doing yet?

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    What, might I ask, the entire fuck.
     
  5. ShadowFireZelda

    ShadowFireZelda Know what you're doing yet?

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    Oh wow. Ok, this is over now and I don't know what to do about that. World invader Momo sounds interesting though.
     
  6. Ser_Murderlot

    Ser_Murderlot On the path to wizardry...

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    I have no idea what I just read.
     
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  7. MejaisBlack

    MejaisBlack I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    This epilogue was kinda... awful in the context of this story? I mean, it's a plot hook for a possible future fic if I'm reading things right, but it pulls away all the focus from the end of this part of Ran's story.

    Now if there's ever a sequel to Seven Colours I'll always remember how Shimada-mama was some sort of interdimentional traveler on vacation and that's all kinds of weird.

    Then again, if you take the concept of a self-insert to its logical conclusion, that is also all kinds of weird so it balances out in the end. Besides the jarring shift this epilogue causes, this fic was overall pretty good and the fact that it finished is another point in its favour, so good job.
     
  8. Pyrotech51

    Pyrotech51 Former Lurker

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    I was suspicious from when she mentioned the superman dilemma well back, but it’s nice to get a confirmation that there were shenanigans afoot. Not sure what exactly those are on the other hand, but I’m sure they’ll show up again later on.
     
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  9. Lord Sunshine

    Lord Sunshine Know what you're doing yet?

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    Nice! Ran I'll be a little sad, but that's life. I didn't even blink at the superman reference, well done!

    Great story, thank you!
     
  10. Melakias

    Melakias Not too sore, are you?

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    I think that's also because most fanfic authors will use terms and names of material and philosophies alien to the setting like they were always part of it, sometimes they do it in a sort of "translation", e.g. we read superman dilemma, but in the story they are actually talking about a specific guy who would need plenty of lore and world building to fit well, instead the author just uses superman dillema and we understand the reference.
     
  11. Hashirama1710

    Hashirama1710 What am I even doing anymore....

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    Wait what?
     
  12. LurkingInTheDeceit

    LurkingInTheDeceit “Brave” explorer treading “New” land

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    drawn out sigh*

    victim’s prowess*

    its touch*?

    short but precise*

    that has been standing* Can’t suddenly have always been there, you can suddenly appear despite having always been there. At least, unless you’re hinting at some kind of time travel abilities.

    on high alert*

    flicks the golden*

    sneak up on one*

    A deal is a deal.*

    bonus.”*

    strike out on her own*

    At least it’s always*

    heck not?*
    Another reincarnation?

    Is this a reference I’m missing?

    Huh, I reached that same incorrect conclusion.

    Jumpchain?

    They have to completely reinvent themselves to dare even conceive of going through their teenage rebellion stage.

    Although, that does bring up the question, does she only have daughters, or do only her daughters implement such extreme measures to get away.

    Are all of her children reincarnators?

    Fair enough.

    Will take a look at both of these when you do them.
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2021
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  13. auraofcalm

    auraofcalm neow

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    For a minute I thought it was like that other Naruto fic I saw once that featured an entire clan of people whose bloodline ability was to retain the memories of their previous incarnation. So all the kids had adult memories and that was just something they dealt with. They found it amusing when one of the kids went all ultra secrecy to pretend to be normal.

    The MC's meta knowledge was still weird, but not being a reincarnate in the first place, and their past lives were all so radically different they already knew about the multiverse.
     
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  14. TheEyes

    TheEyes Well worn.

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    I'm not sure I'm terribly happy with this omake, because it really kind of undermines Ran's agency, and in some ways the rest of the story as a whole. In particular:
    This little bit is entirely Momo's fault; after all, what Ran was worried about specifically was her unstoppable mother being sent to kill her and possibly Karin if she defected. Well, that and the horrifying efficiency of an imagined Kusa AMBU, but we readers knew that was the same worry the entire time. Really all of Ran's "overreaction" was because her mother gave no indication at all that she'd support her daughter over her role as a perfect ninja.

    And this radiates back through the entire rest of the story, trivializing the entire thing. Most of the conflict in the story stems from Ran's awful upbringing by her powerful and inflexible mother, whose weird value system ensured she could never be fully trusted, and now we learn that said mother not only didn't really believe the things she spent her whole life instilling in her daughter, not only engineered the whole conflict that this entire story revolved around, but, after all the chips fell out, did a little "Oh, what fools these mortals be!" routine never understanding or caring about her own role in the disaster. At this point pretty much my only desire for reading a "World Invader Momo" series would be the hope for a world-traveling Ran to show up and pop her "Mother" in the nose.
     
  15. Wentley

    Wentley Versed in the lewd.

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    PLEASE write the Harry Potter fic! Common sense Harry? Yessssssssssss.
     
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  16. etulauna

    etulauna Versed in the lewd.

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    So uh, clearly all her daughters are reincarnates but does she have only daughters? What happened to the shimada scroll? Did she somehow arrange ran to get it later? Did she just ignore it as unimportant? How many daughters does she have? Will they ever meet? Does she ever revisit previous worlds where she left offspring behind? Will ran actually become a useful puppeteer? Will she shimada her way to making wireless puppets like toneri?


    Momoko remarked that Ran has no idea who she killed implying that kusa turned sound guy was important so who is he?
     
  17. guisniperman

    guisniperman Pregnancy Fetishist

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    For the love of all that is holy, someone post some links please!
     
  18. TheEyes

    TheEyes Well worn.

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    Ugh, you know, the more I think about these last omakes the more I dislike "Momo-chan" and would really like Shimada Momoko back.

    Shimada Momoko was a woman who loved Ran to the extent that her Shimada blood would allow her to. Shimada Momoko struggled between her love and duty towards her daughter on one hand, and her calling to be a perfect ninja, to the exacting standards of her Shimada blood. Shimada Momoko seemed like an excellent character, whom I was looking forward to a later appearance, after she had given her daughter as much time to grow as her calling would allow her, and her Shimada blood forced her to reconcile between the two masters of her daughter and her ninja calling.

    Momo-chan, in contrast, is an asshole who let her daughter stew in her insecurities because it was too much fun to do otherwise I guess. She then got yeeted out by an RoB and went out on a trollish "Oh, too bad; if only you knew all the things I concealed from you your entire life, you could have actually been happy, but instead have fun in exile!". (Edit) Oh, and let's not forget that she also yeeted out without so much as a prepared body, so poor Ran will be stuck looking over her shoulder until her dying breath, waiting for her insane mother to shank her in the kidneys.

    Kinda want my Shimada Momoko back.
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2021
  19. Gregory Crey

    Gregory Crey Magic is of wonder and terror. Life is so magical.

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    Ran killed her own father didn't she? I mean, it never said if he had grey eyes and brown hair, but Ran doesn't care about that kind of stuff (i.e. whatshisface, etc.) and Shimada Mama saying "the hunter nin killed him" likely means her, and thus she could have let him get away...
     
  20. Zasnul

    Zasnul blah

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    Man, I binged most of this in a day or so and it was all pretty great.

    The last epilogue actively, retroactively feels the whole of the story feels worse, though.
     
  21. Gregory Crey

    Gregory Crey Magic is of wonder and terror. Life is so magical.

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    I really don't see why people are so upset with the last chapter and omake. Momo is a workaholic, moreover, Ran inherited her, lets call it semi-controlled madness. If we viewed things from the perspective of an older Ran doing something similar, there wouldn't be any malice to Ran, just some very non-standard priorities.

    Even in the omake, she isn't asking for work for lols, but because it is work that she enjoys. That it is crazy was supposed to be a joke, I think, but people have read that without taking into account she is a duty obsessed workaholic that advocates extreme measures as part of her "common sense" i.e. ripping Ran's teacher's eye out.

    She is the same person she has always been, and if she is bad at socializing, wonder of wonders, a character flaw! Kinda like she is someone that would be the mother of Ran...
     
  22. saylin021

    saylin021 Know what you're doing yet?

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    That kinda ruined the whole story for me ngl lol

    It ruined the character of Momoko, as well as making Ran's entire story feel pointless. Also, it came out of nowhere...

    Plus, the whole immortal/deity type character who was secretly behind most of the plot completely trivializes everything Ran did, and all of her problems seem pointless now in retrospect.

    Also, I had no idea who Momo-chan or the fox person were supposed to be, considering this has largely been a typical Naruto SI without too much crossover stuff. So overall it confused me and took away from the actual story :/

    I guess it would have been better to me if this was called an alternate ending or au omake of some sort, because now any sequel based on Ran is going to have... whatever this is looking over its shoulder the whole time. Personally I don't know if I can get invested in a sequel that can just pull something like this at any time

    Other than that, I really loved the rest of the story, thank you for writing!
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2021
  23. Gregory Crey

    Gregory Crey Magic is of wonder and terror. Life is so magical.

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    Part of a planned future story, and the ROB had nothing to do with the plot aside from letting Momo have her vacation and thus a family.

    As for making Ran's problems pointless:
    Momo has asked if Ran wanted help before. About Karin, about her school problems, about multiple things, she usually says no. So this is explained in story.
     
  24. Planeshunter

    Planeshunter [Verified Slimegirl Whisperer]

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    The story proper ends in "039 - Seven Colours". The epilogues more like tying up loose ends than a part of it.
    I was counting on this way of thinking to make it less obvious, yeah. Guilty as charged :p
    Momoko Shimada was born from the complex and contradictory feelings PMMM: Rebellion inspired in my poor, innocent heart. So it's actually more like eight years, but who's counting?
    Yesh... there's like... 1 chapter of that actually written atm. I might publish it in my snippets thread now that stories about Momo aren't spoilers for Seven Colours.
    Fixed, thanks!
    It's supposed to be confusing, don't think too hard about it ;)
    It's complicated.
    No unless you've read a shitty one-shot fic of mine from eight years ago that I deleted the other day...
    Okay, I admit it, I chuckled at this.
    If she ever has a son, his story will be about meeting all his sisters.
    Now that would be telling...
    Yes.
    It was more a comment about relative power levels than a mention at the guy in particular. Even low A-rank is kind of a big deal.
    I think I know that one, but no relation with this as far as I can remember.
    I don't know what to say, reading your reactions is very upsetting because that wasn't what I was going for AT ALL, and I have to wonder whether I completely botched it. I just... words fail me. If this one's on me, I fucked up big time.
    Thank you!
    Ooof... what a horrible thing to say.
     
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  25. Gregory Crey

    Gregory Crey Magic is of wonder and terror. Life is so magical.

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    That isn't a no...
     
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  26. saylin021

    saylin021 Know what you're doing yet?

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    It's less about Ran refusing help offered by her mother, and more about how the inclusion of this epilogue completely reframes the story in a certain way. It went from a story about Ran and all that she is, to moving the focus to her mother who was already a great supporting character but now is an interdimensional being that has a lot of daughters already (I think I'm not actually sure if I understood it).

    I dont like being negative usually because it never feels productive to me so sorry about that. And it's not like it was poorly written or that you messed up in it.

    It feels more like managing expectations. This came completely out of left field to me, and the last epilogue introduces some entirely new seemingly very important points to the world. Mostly it just feels to me like it came out of nowhere and doesn't fit with the rest of the story, which was just a Naruto SI that stayed in the Naruto world. In other words, nothing in this story led me to believe that anything brought up in the epilogue was even a possibility.

    Also part of it is my own bias where I don't like stories that have crossover between worlds in the actual story (not crossovers, but when characters can or have traveled between worlds or dimensions in story)(Also ROB is pretty overdone at this point and always destroys my suspension of disbelief, but that is more of a QQ problem than anything else)

    I want to say that I have really enjoyed this story, I spent 39 chapters not commenting much and waiting for the next chapter with baited breath. Usually negative opinions are the loudest so please don't take my comments too harshly.
     
  27. Gregory Crey

    Gregory Crey Magic is of wonder and terror. Life is so magical.

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    Ran will be continuing her adventures in Naruto as part of the Seven Colors series. There will be another series for her mother Momo. So, no, the story hasn't changed, it just spawned a spin off.

    Well, Seven Colors may take awhile to update now, but we have been reassured it will.
     
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  28. Zasnul

    Zasnul blah

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    There was a 200-something words post here, but fuck it, on the second look, I do not feel like engaging with the topic even slightly. "If you do not want to be negative, then don't be negative."

    Let's just say that I had a lot of fun reading the past 40 chapters.
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2021
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  29. JadeKaiser

    JadeKaiser Fae apologist Moderator

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    It was her recognizing the locket music as from Undertale that got me narrowing my eyes.
    These kinds of questions are what we call, "Sequel hooks."
    Wow, you had a very different impression of Shimama than I ever did. Her supposed loyalty to the village was always clearly more of a "but I live here" kind of deal than actually caring about it, whatever impression the other Kusa-nin might have had of her. She was always all in on loving her daughter, and only cared about the village as far as it was convenient. She has also always been big on letting people do their own thing and make their own decisions, especially when she cares about them. The only reason she seemed to care about the village and her duty as a kunoichi was because it (almost) never actually conflicted with the things she did care about, and she enjoyed it.

    And of course, just like Ran she has always had a very distinct and unusual perspective and way of thinking about things.
    Strange, it seemed very in character for her indeed, to me. There were even bits and bobs throughout the story up to now which hinted that she knew things from outside the setting, which I had been unexplained until this cleared it up.
     
  30. V01D

    V01D Autistic lover of LOLz

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    Well, if there’s any world where Excessive Violence would fit in, it would be Hollownest.
    it would be interesting to see a portrayal of it Pre-collapse.
    the ONE story that I’ve read which does a bunch of Wordbuilding is ‘thus the remnants went forth’
    what fic is this?


    That Fox lady - makes me think of Touhou Project.
    which would fit somewhat for world jumping. (Gap Yokai, just for one example)

    Which story?

    wait, really? What exactly did you read earlier than hinted at Out of Context knowledge?
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2021
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