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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Kosh is a cryptic bastard on Babylon 5.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2020
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  2. Ganurath

    Ganurath Apologizes For Nothing

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    My Little Pony: Friendship is Beneficial
     
  3. hkim

    hkim Know what you're doing yet?

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    Not necessarily. SI-Paul is attracted to strong women who know what they want and are working on getting there. That tends to be more of a villain profile in comicbookery than a hero one, since comic book heroes tend to be a reactive force.The "helps them become better" part is just his "optimize ALL THE THINGS" shtick.

    tl;dr it's not "save the bad girls", it's "bad girls are hot by the way have you considered effective villainy?"
     
  4. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    ...

    Wasn't there a heavy flamer here a minute ago? I got a response image and everything.

    [​IMG]
     
  5. Maxx Crowley

    Maxx Crowley I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Yeah, I posted, then my anti-virus decided it REALLY didn't like the link. So I removed it to be on the safe side.
     
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  6. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Just do what I do: get a free account on imgBB.com, take a screenshot of the image, copy it into Paint, crop it, save it to your computer and then save it to imgBB and then use the imgBB link. Simple.
     
  7. desolatedsabers

    desolatedsabers Know what you're doing yet?

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    wait a minute. spike became a dog after going through the portal but he was able to speak before hand. would applejack's dog going through turn her into a dragon?
     
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  8. Maxx Crowley

    Maxx Crowley I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    I'm more bummed that it threw off the flow of my joke.
     
  9. Threadmarks: Equestrian Girls (part 15)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    What
    now?


    It's an armoured pony. A pony.. stallion, I think. His face is visible through his open helm, and though I can't tell whether it has the capacity for motion or not it currently makes him look utterly exhausted. He wears full plate armour in the same style as the suits lining the walls in some parts of the castle, though his has clearly seen considerable use. There are dents, nicks and a few rents over all the parts I can see. None appear to be concealing a mortal wound, but I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of an attack like he was. Strapped to his left shoulder is a large shield which he plants on the ground like a palisade when he stops, and on his back is a halberd which he awkwardly lifts into a guard position. Both are just as damaged as his armour.

    "Someone you know?"

    "Neigh, We know not this stallion. Soldier, identify thyself."

    He slumps, leaning against his shield, his eyes fixed on Luna. "Forsaken Vanguard. Betrayal."

    "Luna?"

    "Neigh, We still do not-. Do.. not…"

    She slumps, her eyes widening slightly.

    "It… Our mind is.. consumed with thoughts of Our retainers. Those who were loyal to Us anterior to.. Our fall. We-We have not thought to ask what happened to them."

    "They'd be dead by now either way."

    "We had so few who stood with Us, when Sister had so many." She's crying, and I see illusory ponies flicker into being in a semicircle around her. "When We left them-."

    "Luna, you had a demon-assisted psychotic episode as a result of years of neglect and social isolation. Nightmare Moon's fight with Celestia was obvious to everyone, as was the method she used to banish Nightmare Moon to the moon. There's no way any rational pony, confronted with that evidence, would have done anything foolish."

    "But what if they did? We can see so easily how-"

    I turn away from her, shoulder my way through the phantasms and walk up to Forsaken Vanguard.

    "Moderately clever."

    "-they may have misunderstood. Sister had to struggle to establish-"

    "You make her think that loyalty is a vice. Of course you do. That's all you understand, isn't it? No real concept of value, only its negation."

    "-control, and only a fraction of the nation knew what had truly transpired."

    I lift my right forehoof and slam it down on Forsaken's shield, which-. Is entirely undamaged. Given how bedraggled it looks I thought that would do more.

    "Ugh, a tiresome conflict of memories and morals."

    I turn away, then throw my weight forward and buck my back legs into his shield. And stagger forwards when that does nothing of use either.

    I stride back through the phantasms, who have closed in around Luna as she lies on the floor, head resting against the stone.

    "Who were these ponies?"

    She turns her eyes upwards. "They were Our-."

    "No, who were they?"

    She lifts her head slightly.

    "Moonchaser, Mist Moth, Hie Away-."

    I pick one at random and point to them. An earth pony with a grey-blue pelt and a grey mane.

    "Tell me about this one."

    "That is Soup Sponge. Our chef. Since we kept different hours to.. so many other ponies, it.. was not worth keeping the Great Kitchen open. He volunteered to prepare food for those who were awake overnight. He was married, with three foals. Sometimes when the castle was-. When it felt empty We would walk down to the kitchen and speak with him as he worked. After We-."

    "He was probably sad for a bit, but kept the job for the other night shift ponies, and eventually got over it. And eventually died."

    "We abandoned so-."

    "Luna!" I extend my neck down so that my nose is only a short distance from hers. "It's the Anti-Life making you feel like this. It's what it does. Rationalising misery, making you inflict it upon yourself. Ignore it. Or if you can't do that, use the experience to strengthen your resolve to remain sane for the benefit of your new friends. To let them know when you feel lonely or ignored. Do you think that Soup Sponge would have any desire to see you destroyed by a magic monster?"

    "We-."

    "Do you?"

    "N-. Nn-. No. He.. would not."

    "Then stand and say goodbye."

    She takes a moment, then awkwardly rises to her hooves.

    "We…" I step out of the way, and she looks around the circle of expressionless phantasms. "We miss you. At Our weaker moments We still find ourselves looking around for each of you. The kitchen, the chancery, my.. escort. You made those days bearable and We know that We would have given in to the Nightmare far sooner had it not been for you. W-. I am sorry, that I was.. not strong enough to resist completely. You will always be in my thoughts and in my heart."

    She bows her head slightly, and the phantasms fade away.

    "Hah! How-?"

    Forsaken's gone. Don't know why he didn't try that on me, but I'm not going to-.

    "Hehhahhahhahhah!"

    "We should l-"

    "Leave, yes."

    "-eave. You want to go first, or-?"

    "We believe that We will need a moment before experiencing more emotional torment."

    "Right then. So laughter, loyalty, generosity and honesty-"

    "Haaaaaah heeheehee!"

    "-and then the concept of friendship itself and we're leaving now."

    I walk in front of her, so that my bulk briefly obscures her entire vision. Then I close my eyes, turn and open them… And we're outside an aircraft hangar, watching the end of the fight between Uncle Drax's Magic Robot and Intergang's goons. Or should that be peons; they clearly didn't have the skill that 'goons' implies.

    "Is that your true form? That… Automaton?"

    "That-? No, that's a weapon my uncle made for these children." And it's gone. "Those children, in point of fact."

    She taps her forehooves against the tarmac, looking around a little more carefully.

    "Why have you brought us here?"

    "Laughter. I'm not big on laughter, really, but it seemed to me that this was probably my best demonstration of the virtue."

    "How so? What-? Is that you?"

    "The big grey guy with the orange ring? Yes, that's me in biped mode. See the small boy there?" She nods. "He just planted explosives all over those crates while I was busy with the fight. And in three, two, o-"

    The hangar erupts, a little louder than I remember it.

    "-ne."

    "We do not see how that is funny."

    "It wasn't. The materials in there would have been very valuable. But… I mean, look at the size difference." It's even more obvious from the third person. Richard is tiny compared to me. "Look at him. He's like a little chinchilla! And he's giving me a lecture like he can stop me."

    I feel my own amusement as my former self cracks up, and a blue crystal attaches itself to my armour.

    "Ah, good memories. Generosity next."
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2020
  10. SebazuD

    SebazuD Experienced.

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    Honestly Grayven getting to be a hero after being a complete asshole and with no negative consecuence for himself leaves a bad taste.
     
  11. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    So, the weaponized depression laughs maniacally moments before he acquires the Element of laughter.

    Anyone else think that's a bad sign?
     
  12. Flux Casey

    Flux Casey The Colonel

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    He's not really a hero. An anti-hero at best, more accurately he's pretty deep into those shades of gray (hah!). And he has suffered consequences, this arc being entirely about doing something to recover from them. And even if he succeeds, he's living in constant fear of Darkseid for the rest of his life.
     
  13. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Sebazu has a point. I am pretty sure the reason few people liked renegade was because he acted like and asshole for so long with no consequences.
    While he was a well written character it still felt like other fics where the character is a douchebag and just keeps winning because the author says so instead of facing the consequences for their actions. So basically a well written but still painfully generic character.
    When he met Darkseid and got hit with anti life after basically destroying the Light was probably one of the first times he faced consequences, at least from what i remember.

    Zoat is it possible for a person who has reached emotional enlightenment of one emotion, like Paul, to reach enlightenment of another color?
     
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  14. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Probably not. Not because it's theoretically impossible, but because the way an individual ends up thinking strongly discourages it.
     
  15. freakytiki34

    freakytiki34 Making the rounds.

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    Now I'm wondering. Theoretically, it would probably be easier to go from any one color to WHITE enlightenment than getting exactly two colors.

    Still basically impossible, as you said. But less impossible.
     
  16. Sceptic

    Sceptic Critical Irrationalist

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    And also because it would be bloody awkward to do the coloured quotes for that, of course.
     
  17. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    Ah, one of Luna's ancient soldiers. The ghost of Nightmares Past, eh?

    Yep, the Tantaquation made him, didn't it?

    Old memories, returning to the fore.

    At most, the Earth ponies might have managed a century or two past her exile. Maybe their descendants are somewhere around. Something for her to look at once they return to the waking world.

    I don't expect any guards to have been stupid enough to attack Celestia, certainly.

    And the fellow is still tiny, isn't he? Advantage of being a full-sized horse.

    So, it's effectively serving as the Anti-Harmony? Fascinating.

    "Tougher than you look..."

    Of course. Physics don't apply when the dream doesn't want them to.

    That's it. Push her past the sadness and loss...

    Make her think of the people behind the illusion.

    Ah, such fancy names. That's Equestria for you. I wonder how many of those were the names they were born with?

    Looks like quite a forgettable fellow.

    There were more ponies who loved night than Luna thought, after all. Guards and cleaners amongst them...

    Really, who would?

    "Would any of them?"

    And take comfort that all of them were friends.

    Surprised that didn't bring forth the light of Love...

    And now I'm picturing Abridged!Alucard's laugh here...


    Nice to see them on the same wavelength.

    Geez, going at it like an MMO quest checklist...

    Time to be moving. Anywhere!

    Heck of a jump. Both in setting and in logic.

    Ah, first proper sight of Grayven's world. Wonder what she's thinking of it...

    Yes, this was the beginning of the biggest prank he's ever played. You know, the whole "I'm Grayven." thing.:p

    And the first time she's seen humans. I know they're familiar with bipeds - Minotaurs and all that - but Humans are something else.

    Oh, no, he was very upset about that.

    Well, that was easy. Too easy...

    Well, any guesses as to the situation for Generosity, or Luna's next Emotional light? I'm expecting something on the 'positive' side of the spectrum. Hope or Compassion, perhaps?

    Correction:
    She takes a moment, then awkwardly rises to her hooves.
    I step out of the way...
    Then I close my eyes, turn and open them…
     
  18. BR549

    BR549 This is filth! FILTH!!

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    ...

    We are reading the same fic, right?

    You know, the one with the animate intelligent Anti-Life fragment rampaging around in his brain?
     
  19. Slayer Anderson

    Slayer Anderson Orthodox Heretic

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    Think of it more as Grayven reaping what he sowed and being forced to be a hero to clean up his own mess and really fix Luna's emotional state at the same time.

    It also helps to realize that... well, despite being a complete asshole, as Twilight initially said when approaching him with Pinkie... he was right about all of it.

    He just could have said it in less shitty way.
     
  20. Cuchulin

    Cuchulin Versed in the lewd.

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    I'm pretty sure Guy did something like it in the comics which let him use every color ring well.
     
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  21. Old Knife

    Old Knife Not too sore, are you?

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    Because when everything is in harmony. When you are filled with lifee, depression is negated.

    Or something like that.
     
  22. Pinklestia

    Pinklestia Well worn.

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  23. SebazuD

    SebazuD Experienced.

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    Which was a consecuence of his stupidity at using a fatherbox to make himself a soul and pretend to be Grayven.
    I'm saying he gets no real consecuences of being an asshole.
    And now it's looking like he's gonna beat that and save Luna and be the hero after basically being a complete shit to everyone who didnt give him everything he wanted after making a token effort asking.
     
  24. Gantradies

    Gantradies Not too sore, are you?

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    ... would the disintegration of his relationship with jade count?

    i mean- this arc isnt over yet- there's PLENTY of room for catastrophic fallout from his choice to act like Esme Weatherwax's sister (i.e "cackling")- he's got a semi-sapient AL shard rampaging through his mind- and that of one of the most highly-ranked nobles in this kingdom-

    the QUESTION i have atm- is if they're both being affected- are they physically still sleeping, or are their bodies being...puppeted around by the eldritch monster trying to eat their souls? >.<
     
  25. Belenus

    Belenus Versed in the lewd.

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    I'm seeing a lot of people say Grayven never sees consequences, when that is demonstrably false. Jade, Darkseid, Anti-Life, the estrangement from his friends, physical pain from the times he gets his ass kicked, all of these are perfectly valid consequences. What I think y'all are objecting to is that, when faced with these consequences, Grayven keeps going.
     
  26. Chaoswind

    Chaoswind Lord of nonsense

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    What about Paul helping the dead dude handle fear, he got a fear crash course similar to the one he got for avarice so I assumed Paul has the frame of mind to achieve fear enlightenment.
     
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  27. Belenus

    Belenus Versed in the lewd.

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    Thought: What about intentionally trying to achieve enlightenment in two colors at once? Green and Blue would seem the most compatible, though I imagine Red and Yellow would also work. Would that be easier than trying consecutively?
     
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  28. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    The fact that he still does stupid shit when it has proven to bite him in the ass, or sodomize him in the case of the anti life,all without thinking that maybe being less of an asshat could be helpful and putting effort into trying to become less of an asshat can turn some people away.

    Chaoswind I am pretty sure that Paul just showed Michael a way he thought would work given his own experience with such an event.
    In other words he was winging it.
     
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  29. theaceoffire

    theaceoffire Versed in the lewd.

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    I have an open can of whoop-ass, and you can have as much as you want!
     
  30. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
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