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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. Someguy Somewhere

    Someguy Somewhere The Critical Fumbler

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    Spider-man's senses also effect his web swinging....with his spider-sense, he was evidently aware of his environment enough to aim and shoot for locations that were structurally sound to handle the strains of his swings without much if any actual thought put into it. During the period he lost his spider sense but not his other powers, he had to slow down and aim. He also took up a martial art customized for him to help with it's lack, since he leaned so much on the reflex that he was flailing without it.
     
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  2. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    ...

    I'll see myself out.
    Thank you, corrected.
     
  3. Threadmarks: Equestrian Girls (part 13)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    We NEED
    To LEAVE


    "What-?"

    I'm on my feet and dreaming a corridor.

    "Run you stupid pony!"

    "But-?"

    I pound past her because while the Element Bearers have beaten Nightmare Moon before they've never faced anything like me. Luna comes to her senses a moment later, flapping her wings to catch up with me in the air. Shouldn't be a problem… I dream a wider corridor to give her a little more space.

    "Grayven, this place does not literally exist! We cannot simply flee from that abomination!"

    "I know! I didn't have any way of stopping it before you gave it purpose and I certainly don't now, but when I used it I could barely work up the motivation to do anything. I'm hoping I can slow it down."

    "And then what?"

    "If we're very lucky, Twilight's team will rainbow blast me in my sleep."

    "Dost thou feel lucky?"

    The end of the corridor comes into sight, and I gallop onto a small platform overlooking the maze I built into my mind as an anti-telepath measure.

    "Yes. A little."

    The way through essentially requires you to be me to find it, but that's a distraction in itself. I got the idea for this thing from a combination of Chester's pontificating and the plan the Green Lantern Marine Corps used to stop the Red Son version of Superman. Well, tried to, anyway. I hired a couple of mathematicians who Jean assured me could actually hold accurate models of extra-dimensional objects in their minds and created the trap at the centre of this maze by transferring it into mine. In theory, it should be able to hold any memetic being running on my brain. Unfortunately, Luna's put her hoof in it, so… Who knows.

    But it's here, that's the main thing. And it wouldn't be if that abomination had full control of my psyche already.

    "Get on my back."

    Luna lands next to me and looks at the multidimensional maze. "What is this?"

    "A trap. I can get through, but you're not me. Get on my back. I'll carry you through."

    She flaps once, then I feel her weight on my back.

    "Hast thou planned for this?"

    "No. Not really." I step forwards onto what should be thin air, our surroundings twisting as the maze manifests its extra planar properties. "I always assumed that if it ever broke out I'd be unable to resist. This was for something else."

    Saffron, elderberries, three four.

    I step backwards and I'm in the field behind my parents' house on Earth Prime. It's part of the maze but also not. This memory shouldn't make any sense to anyone who has only been hearing the lies I've told about myself while allowing me to find connections out just fine.

    Okay.

    "Any ideas on what to do next?"

    "Neigh, we do not. The Tantabus was never intended to exist within the mind of another. We-." An Earth Prime horse and two Earth Prime ponies walk across her field of vision. "-had.. not… What.. manner of strange creature-?"

    "Not important. How do you destroy a Tantabus?"

    Luna stares at the equines for a moment, then shakes her head. "We did not create a method by which it might be destroyed. Had We needed to, Our spellcraft would have been sufficient."

    "Think you could take it now?"

    "Neigh. We do not." She thinks for a moment. "Couldst thou reforge the containment cage with your emotions?"

    "I didn't forge the first one. My brother did, and he's the New God of Freedom."

    "The God of Freedom built a cage?"

    "The God of Freedom helped me escape it. The Anti-Life is a mechanical expression of utter misery, not a geist. It has no consciousness."

    "The Tantabus should not have one either. We created it to-."

    "To remind you why turning into Nightmare Moon was bad, yes. In my experience, constantly being confronted by the same stimulus numbs you to it."

    "We made it complex enough-" I'm nodding. "-to adapt-. Ah."

    "Yeah. Ah." I take another look around. "But if emotional resonances are the best option we've got, we may as well get started." What's a good one-. Ah! And we won't even have to move.

    I remember the scene… More or less, and the low moaning sound reaches us a moment later. This field doesn't actually have any trees in it, but for dramatic effect I suppose that sticking one in when neither Luna nor I were looking works well enough. I trot towards the tree, the texture of the ground changing under my hooves as my surroundings switch from Westham farmland to the fields outside New Camelot. Derek Kelly is lying against the tree, staring up in horror, his right hand trying to reach the knife still embedded in the back of his head.

    Of course, this never actually happened. He was unconscious after our fight when the knife was in him, and the staring-in-mindless-horror is something he picked up in the secure hospital after I brought him back. Still, even Sinestro commented on how impressed he was at what I had achieved.

    "Who is that?"

    "A former enemy. He gave me a damn good fight, actually. Blindsided me, stole my equipment, was.. almost entirely invulnerable. He used a fear elemental to supercharge my yellow power ring. And…"

    I look up as my memory of the Terror Thing appears in the sky and I remember what nearly being eaten by the thing was like.

    Then I flick my right ear and realise that there's no ring on it. I try and picture just the mouth and tentacles, imagine them forming a circle…

    Nothing,

    "It's not working. Could try another emotion, can't think why it would work better. Any other ideas?"

    "Perhaps the Elements of Harmony-?"

    I turn and angrily press my face into hers.

    "You think?"

    She holds my gaze for a moment, then backs up slightly. "The Elements are not merely jewellery. They are the principles underpinning Equestrian civilisation. We know full well that they do not need a corporeal manifestation in order to bring their force to bear."

    "Okay. You try."

    "Canst thou fly?"

    I flap my wings, and awkwardly rise from the ground.

    "As long as I don't think about it."

    Luna ascends into the sky, her wings beating as she flies towards the newly appeared forest.

    "Follow Us."

    Don't think don't think don't think…

    My wings flap, and I wallow through the skies after her.
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2020
  4. Rebu

    Rebu gentle hands and the heart of a fighter

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    I've already been informed and read the FAQ.
     
  5. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    [​IMG]
     
  6. david

    david Getting out there.

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    Grayven has wasted so much time, he should have just asked them to blast him with the elements and this would have been over a long time ago.

    Seriously though, I really want this to end with someone telling Grayven that he should have explained how dangerous it was sooner so we can find out if a New Gods eye vessel can burst out of sheer frustration.

    edit: since some people seem to have missed the point, yes he did try to do this, that’s the joke.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2020
  7. Raisamike3

    Raisamike3 Versed in the lewd.

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    He tried though? He was ignored because the Ponies underestimated what theAnti-Life could do based on his explanation. And I doubt he expected the worst to happen so soon.
     
  8. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker, Rookie Proofreader

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    No duh, Grayen, No duh! You should call yourself Captain Obvious next.

    "Gah, how can you people run on four legs?! I can barely get them moving in the same direction!""

    How accomodatiing. But when a manifestation of Existential depression and Personal recrimination is chasing you, you only have to run faster than the other guy...

    So he's not looking to escape. After all, this is his dreamscape. At best, he's hoping to slow down its spread within their minds.

    You do not have nearly the grizzledness for that quote, Pretty Pony Princess!

    Engage lockdown!

    For all you know, the Tantabus-Anti-life hybrid will just piggyback along her mental connection to her own body and BAM! Nightmare Moon round 2.

    Boy, is that an awkward image. Especially since he's so much larger than her...

    Good to see she knows when not to argue.

    The question is if the defences will work as well against part of himself...

    Handy, using out-of-context memories. Anyone expecting Apokalips would be very confused right now.

    I'm reminded of that 'Ponies React' from one of the Ponies Anthology videos... At least she isn't disgusted...

    First mistake: Not having an off-switch for your mind-harassing autonomous spell.

    Half the time he's barely functioning as it is. That kind of skill would need something closer to White Enlightenment, or tricks equivalent to it.

    What? If he knows how to escape something, he has to know how it works.

    Well, you outdid yourself, honey.

    Second mistake: Not setting clear limits on the spell.

    And Here... We... Go!

    And depending on how deep it went, he can still have a lot of function. The skull is hella tough.

    And it says a lot when Sinestro compliments you on your ability to cause fear...

    "I almost respect him for all that. Pity he was a right bastard working for utterly evil bastards..."

    Well, Poop. Horse-apples. That isn't good.

    ... I have no words. Where is that damn facepalm smiley?!

    Try a little harder, Gayven, I don't think you sound quite sarcastic enough.:D

    Here's hoping she can manage it.

    "Let's hope Gravity doesn't catch on, either. It tends to a stickler about that."

    Follow the Moon, Grayven...

    If the situation weren't so dire, this would almost be funny...

    ...Well... This day could be going better for Grayven. It's not quite Darkseid-on-the-couch level, but it's closing fast. I really hope the Mane 6 and Celestia have been alerted...
     
  9. Senevri

    Senevri Getting sticky.

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    Did... Did you read this chapter?
     
  10. SebazuD

    SebazuD I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    He asked like once.
    He didnt try a differnt explanaition or anything.
    Then he just went to be .....well himself....in the worst way.
     
  11. Darko

    Darko I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    At least this proves that paragon isn't the only one capable of giving lousy explanations that can lead to bad shit happening, thinking of the age thing and Zatanna.
    It also proves that despite now being virtually different people the renegade and paragon are still the same person deep down.
     
  12. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Not too sore, are you?

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    Huh. Surprised that Grayven still has a mindscape to operate in. Maybe Luna is helping somehow?

    Also, she can connect different dreamscapes. Assuming the Bearers are sleeping right now she should be able to just call them.
     
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  13. DAT_NOOB

    DAT_NOOB Accused of writing in a far away land

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    So they can be trapped aswell?
     
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  14. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Trap? Forget the trap, what about the Anti-Life?
     
  15. Idkusername

    Idkusername Know what you're doing yet?

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    Build -> built
     
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  16. DAT_NOOB

    DAT_NOOB Accused of writing in a far away land

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    I meant that luna and Grayven are trapped by the anti-life in his mindscape so bringing the gang in would trap them with the anti-life?
     
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  17. Valint

    Valint I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    He was ignored because he gave a half-assed try, and then moved into what he was really looking forward to: trolling the fuck out of ponies.

    If he remembers that level of detail from the show, he remembers more than enough to push the right psychological buttons to get them to understand how bad anti-life was.

    Alternatively, given how fucked-up Luna is about having been Nightmare Moon, going over their heads and pushing the "Hey, I need help so something like that doesn't happen to me" button to get her on his side seems like it would have been easy mode.

    This was just Grayven being his Grayven-est, and it bit him in the ass big time.
     
  18. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  19. SirKaid

    SirKaid Getting sticky.

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    He's asked something along the lines of a half dozen times. He may have failed to impress upon them the direness of the Anti-Life but he has repeatedly asked for a good ol' Friendship Blast in basically every scene he's shared with the Mane Six.
     
  20. WereDragon

    WereDragon Bookwyrm

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    Shame Magic and Laughter are out of commission. Not like the EoH is something you can just substitute people into, even if he had a laughter candidate.

    On the other hand Luna and Celestia used the Elements once upon a time. Perhaps they can do so again.
    Alternately, link up everypony in Equestria and brute-force the matter.

    There is a difference between trying multiple times and repeating the same attempt.
    He had plenty of options for convincing them. He chose beating them into submission rather than explaining or persuading.
    And now he is getting a memetic nuke to the mind.
     
  21. nick012000

    nick012000 Experienced.

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    Didn't one of the villains from the later seasons try something like that during her attempt at launching a coup against the Alicorn Princesses? She wound up getting beaten by a half-dozen of Twilight's students. I half expect that Grayven's going to wind up with a ringletted little girl of a New God dumped on his doorstep, assuming that things turn out similarly to the show.
     
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  22. Mquz

    Mquz Versed in the lewd.

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    Nah, if Grayven remembers a Party in his head, pinky is likely to be there. It’s sort of her thing.
     
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  23. Doccer

    Doccer Making the rounds.

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    Sounds interesting do you have a link to that?
     
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  24. ForeverShogo

    ForeverShogo Know what you're doing yet?

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    Harrowing experiences help build intimate bonds. One thing is going to lead to another, and the next thing you know a messenger is going to come through the mirror later on to inform Grayven that Luna is with child.

    And then fedora wearing ponies are going to grumble that pretty pony princesses only ever go for the assholes instead of the nice stallions.
     
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  25. Impartial Panic

    Impartial Panic Know what you're doing yet?

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    actually that's Paul in universe 33 & 1/3
     
  26. Vaermina

    Vaermina I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    You know the funny thing in all this?

    Grayven is unintentionally following the standard story format for MLP episodes.
     
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  27. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker, Rookie Proofreader

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    Had to dig a little, the Anthology itself is gone from Youtube as far as I could see, but found this version of the clip:

    Got to love Dash's reaction :D
     
  28. Gantradies

    Gantradies Know what you're doing yet?

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    yeah- he was inexcusably vague about the effects of anti-life exposure given his rapidly deteriorating condition-he’s given more details on how dangerous the ALE is to random people in passing in earth-16(R)

    this entire thing could have been over in an hour if he bluntly stated that he’d irreparably be reduced to a soulless shell actively compelled to infect others (who’d likely have their minds destroyed within seconds/minutes due to lacking the moderate resistance of a new god) if the counter-curse failed before he was cured- and that there’s an excelent chance his DAUGHTER would also be infected due to her being previously exposed- and sharing part of his soul as an emergency treatment for said exposure...

    no Dreams,hope, no laughter, no ability to love, learn or care-just eternal pain and emptiness...

    .... it’s... kind of worrying he’s seemingly learnt NOTHING from the last time he did something incredibly unwise to screw with people- it’s how he got Anti-life’d in the first place >.<
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2020
  29. Maxx Crowley

    Maxx Crowley I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
     
  30. Old Knife

    Old Knife Getting sticky.

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    I want to give this a like.... But at the same time it offends me quite alot.
     
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