Commercial Break (Worm / Slut Life) (Borderline SFW)

Yeah, that. Thank you for this write up, I wanted to point this out but couldn't come up with a good enough way to do so.

 

Well... There is a certain area near Yellowstone Park...

If you're not aware, one of the areas near Yellowstone Park (50 square miles) is zoned in such a way that someone could commit murder (in front of a cop) consequence-free. No trial = no conviction.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/robina...-murder-in-part-of-yellowstone-national-park/

Oh, things like Emotional Magical Girls going rogue and needing to be killed.

You know... Not commenting on your arguments at all, but... This is a massive improvement on your way of presenting them.



I think something that just about everyone in this thread (including myself to a degree) needs to understand is that we're essentially getting all our info from an unreliable narrator's standpoint. We're not getting all the info, and until we get that info some of the current actions won't make sense, or may seem counterintuitive.

It's a good thing to question things obtained by an unreliable narrator, but no reason for everyone to go up in arms (no, that comes if when the missing info comes in things still don't make sense, lol).

 

Umm... Yeah. That's how things work. Ignoring religion for the moment, if you don't get caught you can do anything. Well as long as your willing to pay the price if/when you do get caught, or where you do it. In America, getting caught murdering someone probably means jail time. In parts of Africa, it gets you a respectful head nod.

 

And another spoiler to hopefully avoid an OP alert... That thing should probably be an optional check box or something. It'd make things easier.

Spoiler: More replies

Considering my proofreaders are volunteers and I'm not aspiring to professional, publishing standards for my hobby, I don't think I can, or would want to, fire them. It might be an idea to sign on a few more, though. That said, correction made.

From the current information, I would potentially agree with you about Tricher (disagreeing only on severity of the punishment, at most). However, I don't see how this makes the chapter itself flawed.

As for the Contestant Registration Form, it does have advantages, such as giving the various groups time to gather and decide who will be the representatives for the various owner types. This allows for a more personalized experience and fewer surprises later.

As for the Scion showing up... That is highly unlikely, but possible. It'd require him to trace his way up the probe QA has into Taylor's brain to find the right dimensional coordinates.

Because that's never happened in Nanoha? I remember something about a book? My source on Nanoha isn't online at the moment, and I've never seen the show for myself. Just because Nanoha managed to pummel people into friendship doesn't mean that all of TSAB was like that.

I am trying to keep things close to my vest, and I'm trying to avoid massive spoilers, some for plot arcs that haven't even been hinted at yet.
Other things are actively changing as good points or ideas are brought up, usually things I didn't think would need continuing attention but probably do, such as dealing with Liana's actions. That was going to more or less end there, but it's going to be expanded on now, and part of that expansion has already been written in the buffer.

That was my point toward Ack, actually.

 

The author is doubling down on a legal system that amounts to "kidnapping a CEO from torture, making threats to return him to the torture, and forcing him to sign his company over is valid".

Taylor remembers the Locker and blacking out, so there's a possibility they're going to stuff her back in there. To her it's "Sign this form or return to the locker".
THAT is what changed and is causing Ack, myself, and some others to react very, VERY negatively.

Because any actual legal system would make contracts signed under economic, physical, or other blackmail or duress invalid.
Even if the shadow cabal members are ruled by might-makes-right, there's one level below "Too powerful to hope to beat", that's "too troublesome to fight (and possibly making me vulnerable to others even if I do win)". And that means RULES.

And why the fuck is the Japanese obsession with conceptual drivel around in this multiverse anyhow? You CANNOT cross it with Worm without stupid consequences. Conceptual weaponry only works in a subset of the multiverse at absolute best, and even there would be heavily restricted, or alternatively is the stuff of actual fiction not borrowed from elsewhere, a monument to the arrogance of living things. Because it's obvious that every universe with conceptual weaponry would go dead the second a sapient lifeform in one discovered fire because "stopping this phenomenon (i.e. redox reactions), so that we no longer get burned" is going to put a conceptual end to all electron-transfer chemistry i..e the lifeforms there would suddenly stop functioning, no second chances, no take-backs. Alternatively, development early metallurgy and even pottery are no longer doable due to lack of fire, and thus they wouldn't even get started technologically.

You really, REALLY don't want to try the unreliable narrator tack when the story is being told in third-person.

It might not be completely omniscient but whent he author is flat-out telling us "this is legal" for something that would implode any legal system whatsoever. Even the shadow cabal would naturally have RULES because the top few powerful guys find it too troublesome to fight each other, or the dictator at the top imposes rules so he doesn't have to micromanage EVERYTHING EVER.

 

Ahh... And another perfect example of reading one thing and thinking it meant something else. Well played.

 

How about two counter-examples:
Both historically and right now this very day there have been countries with contractually enforced unwilling servitude and/or similar stuff, despite having a legal system. Examples go back as far as the ancient Roman Empire and Greece, where people were routinely enslaved against their will, while the rights and duties of said slaves were described by laws. Surprisingly, many slaves did not willingly decide to become slaves. Depending on their rights, many enjoyed their life as slave, especially if they had a largely benevolent master, comparable to Taylor and SL. Modern day examples are partially more complex (though Qatar is not known for its lack of duress among workers). Even in the USA there is quite a bit you can do before venturing into what is lawfully considered blackmail or undue duress. Frequenting any legal advice forum will soon unveil quite horrific examples.

Likewise, there are plenty modern day examples of might-makes-right, especially against what is effectively a poor, powerless, politically unconnected galactic 3rd-world child against one of the most powerful entities ever. Giving examples, look at any controversies Russia/USA/China have been accused of in regard to the individual rights of certain citizens or especially non-citizens. Then think about who would intervene on the behalf of a single girl, out in the middle of nowhere, not part of any local government…

------
And this refutation of individual arguments still ignores the bigger issue, which is that you argue in absolutes and absolute sureness. Any law at all means all duress ever must be unlawful. That is an extreme claim and would need extremely convincing evidence to back up.

Are you still talking with me? It comes a bit out of the left field.

 

My problem, as I've said before, is that not only is Taylor being fucked in every hole figuratively in an attempt to make her compliant with being fucked in every hole literally, but the people who are supposed to be on her side aren't, despite authorial efforts to make them seem that way. They're on their side, and Taylor is at best a mildly sympathetic pawn in the whole matter. They certainly aren't willing to stick their necks out for her, or even spend any serious time checking on the contract Trichter had her sign. You know, 'due diligence'? The number one thing any law student anywhere learns in their first class?

This would be bad enough, but they're being portrayed as the good guys in all this. Which they most assuredly aren't. Cindy quite obviously thinks Taylor's too virginial for her own good, from the way she boasts about being able to take a dragon's cock all the way. And of course, there's the way she lied to Taylor about the sibling incest thing, probably in the hope that the siblings would seduce her for higher ratings. She'd like nothing more than to see Taylor 'happily' accept her lot and spread her legs to whore her way through the next twelve months, while learning about how to entrap other naive girls into Slut Life. Her boss uses Trichter's apparent family connections as an excuse to do exactly fuck and all for Taylor. And he's willing to have Taylor conned into giving permission for her shard to be hacked so it can be moved.

What's the bet she doesn't get to say 'no' to that, either?

Actually, here's a point.

Taylor signed a contract before either side knew she had a shard that might preclude her from fulfilling said contract.

That voids the contract (she is literally incapable of travelling to a world with a 36 hour day).

If she just said "hell, no" to any hacking attempt, on the (very real) basis that it constitutes an unfeasible risk to her life, she's out. They have to put her back.

Of course, she won't. Because plot.

 

Great points, however this story has enough length that it's mass is starting to generate it's own gravitational field and is holding itself together. Maybe you should write your own interpretation of how this would play out. Let the best author win?!?

 

If there is actual law, then "kidnaps from (as far as subject can remember) torture with threat to return to said torture to enforce compliance" WILL BE unlawful.

Otherwise, you can abduct a CEO, dunk him in a fire, pull him out, and say that if he doesn't sign his company over you're dropping him back into the flames. There is no dystopia that would let that be legally valid, as it compromises the power base of those with power!

The problem is that Taylor at this point, still a wreck from the Locker, is more likely to react badly and at absolute best just be uncompliant than go along "just because you claim your laws say so". What's the worst they could do, kill her? She's ALREADY SUICIDAL!

And I'm raging at the suggestion by some people for use of conceptual BULLSHIT in this multiversal organization. It seems every crossover ever assumes the Nasuverse region of the multiverse is typical, when in fact it is an absolute aberration to have sapient life even appear in a conceptual-malleable universe without accidentally destroying itself by the wizards trying to stop say fire and later on gunpowder from working and kiling all redox reactions. In fact I would claim that having the Fate verse or ANY conceptual universe reach modern tech to be essentially IMPOSSIBLE when it's centered on the arrogance that one random entity of which there are many can assert control over the rules of reality over all others. (No problem with universal code exploits like the Busters though.)

In other words, I am strongly against Accelerator or any other conceptual drivel showing up in this story. QAI or equivalent Actual Science stuff should be perfectly adequate for hacking a shard.

 

I've written several.

And just to note, Jonakhensu : I'm not immune to having massive plot holes appear in my stories. it's happened, more than once.

You know what I did?

I rewrote.

Sometimes I started from scratch, dumped the entire chapter, and redid the thing from top to bottom. More often, I put in a patch to cover the plot hole. But I fixed that shit. Because one of the first things I learned from writing fanfic is if people care enough about your story to complain about actual plot holes, then it's worth your while do fix said plot holes.

Sometimes, of course, the plot holes didn't exist. But at least I was able to point that out and give a detailed explanation of what was going on behind the scenes, rather than glossing it over with "the villain did something sneaky". Because again, if you're gonna have a villain doing something sneaky, figure out for yourself what he did, so you can explain it yourself to the readers. Otherwise, you come across as yet another author who Didn't Think It Through.

And you really, really don't want that sort of reputation.

Also, as noted, it's a good idea to have characters' actions match what you as an author say about them. Currently you have Trichter as the Asshole Lawyer who roped Taylor in with a dodgy contract, Cindy as the Benevolent Assistant who's trying to help her out and Bob Ross as the Beleaguered Bureaucrat who's got too much on his plate.

Except that they're all either Useless Adults (at best) or just plain letting it happen because letting Slut Life make a profit beats making an effort to help her.

 

I still don't see why this would have to be such a problem for accepting/enjoying the story, even if true. So what if they're on their own side? It's not like she was treated particularly fairly in canon either.

 

Except that they're being portrayed as the good guys. We're supposed to be cheering these guys on, when all I want is for Taylor to see through their manipulations and tell them all to fuck off.

 

About that sibling bit. What if the reason for Cindy's deception is different from what you all think?

Perhaps she is thinking that Taylor could use a sibling figure in her life, someone she can actually trust. And that she would never choose them if she heard about the potential incest, which is only potential. Nothing says that their sibling will force themselves on Taylor, and all cases of rape are clearly marked in the documents.

 

Hi, I'm liking this story so far, so I wanted to chime in on the controversies.

Regarding Cindy, unless she (whose powers seem to be mainly related to surviving dragon dick) wants to defy the inter-dimensional space Illuminati by breaking Taylor out, it seems to me that helping her write a contract she can live with IS the most genuinely benevolent thing she can do. Not that Cindy IS a parent to Taylor, but lying to someone for their own good is like 85% of parenting.

Regarding the law, it seems to me that Slut Life Corporation is like a Shadowrun Megacorp on multiverse steroids, backed by the aforementioned inter-dimensional space Illuminati. They're not beholden to or a spin-off of any Earth polity, so their legal system can work however the author says it works.
If that means a signature on a contract matters more than why it was signed, then that's the way the laws Slut Life is beholden to are written.

 

Well, I don't want that. I don't think it's clear from the story so far exactly how moral the motivations of the characters are. But even if it later turns out that they're motivated mostly by greed and successfully manipulated Taylor just to get higher ratings and more money, without ever getting any form of "karmic payback", that'd be fine by me. Some of the complaints in this thread sound like such events happening would somehow be objectively bad writing; I completely disagree with that.

 

So... I was trying to compliment everyone and derail the attacks on the author. We get it, the plot holes offend you on a deeply personal level. Unfortunately for your point, the OP disagrees. Can we stop attacking them now?

 

Okay.

I'm done here.

But I reserve the right to point out any farther plot holes that appear in the narrative.

 

There’s the thing again. Taylor is not a CEO, your argument falls flat. Equal laws and application of laws for every sapient being is not something we have right now, why would the space Illuminati have it? As I have written already…

A shorter answer would be "No, I am not talking to you."

Since you seem to ignore my actual post in favour of ranting about the same points again and again, I don’t think I will continue responding to you.

Those are two very big assumptions you are making.
a) You reduce them to being "good guys", despite how little of them we actually know.
b) You assume that "good guys" would put Taylor’s well-being as their highest priority.

I don’t get why the hell you are doing either. Cindy is trying to be nice within the capacity of her job, but she is also incompetent, largely impotent and has no personal connection to Taylor that would convince her to sacrifice everything for her.
The middle management seems to tend towards the "good" side of the good/evil axis, but his exact position is unknown. His unwillingness to brave the political repercussions of releasing Taylor and punishing the wrongdoer is not a sign that he is a failure as a character. It is only a sign that he is not a two-dimensional D&D-style lawful good Paladin.

Even if they were true good guys™, they could have reasons that are more important than helping Taylor. The greater good, if you will.

 

And Cindy WOULD be the good guy if she offered Taylor the full volumes of all the options she could choose and a chance to think things over on her own, in a time dilation field if she would like (i.e. however long to read she wants).
As is she just comes across as the "good cop".

And the worst thing is that the Faustian Bargain is not only unnecessary, but outright STUPID from Tricher's perspective! He's voluntarily adding members to the multiversal Illuminati who LOATHE him and would love to keep him in a loop of continual creative deaths. There are few surer forms of suicide than to screw over a bunch of folks who will be your future bosses, who went for those positions specifically to fuck you up.

1. Curiously, the proportion of people who are not particularly notable happens to be greatly larger than this 85%... but there is an overwhelming overlap here, because kids who aren't competent enough for adults to be honest with generally don't get as far as those adults can be honest with.
It takes less than five minutes with Taylor to figure out she likes things bluntly laid out (i.e. is probably less socially competent than Bitch as even dogs have subtext to understand/notice). The best way to get her a contract Taylor can live with is to give her the full doorstopper volumes of translated small text to read through at least as an option (which she'll almost certainly take) and let her do her research. It's not liek they don't have time dilation tech to let Taylor read and contemplate her choices for however long she wants.

In fact, solitude and reading is probably better than having anyone advising at all, because it's like that "anyone who wants to quit just has to come up and ring this bell" thing where you make them believe they chose whatever path themselves.

2. This would fly if this was marked NSFW and Less Than Serious. It's not.
This is marketed as actually serious stuff, which means the legal system has to be one that actually works for those who hold enough power, without everything defaulting permanently to civil war (any serious fight between commensurate opponents is generally inefficient and unprofitable).
Of course, we COULD just treat this like an alien abduction, WHICH IT IS, but the tone is not NEARLY comical and un-serious enough for that.

And how, exactly, is filling up the Multiversal Illuminati with people who remember you screwing them over somehow considered a token of brilliance?

Because that's the hole Tricher is digging. And by not giving Taylor like +100 credits to start or more, the middle management is collaborating in the excavation.

 

Agreed, or at least I'm sure the OP agrees. Also be sure to say that you "told him so" when a plot hole blows up on him.

 

I’d prefer you didn’t put words into my mouth. Who knows where they have been?

Your ’reply’ is completely disconnected from and unrelated to my post. As per my previous post, I’ll therefore leave it at that. If you ever do post an actual reply, I will respond.

Edit: Clarified language.

 

Ack IS the best author. Just check the quality (and quantity) of his works.

torac, you seem to either be missing more then a half of an argument or skipping parts you can't answer to intentionally. First, laws are laws because they apply to everyone, be it CEO (like in example), a clerk, an unemployed citizen or a victim of a kidnapping. No point in having a whole legal department if you have rights to force people into submission, right? Second, it's the author who paints Cindy and her boss as the good guys, not Guardian54. The story is told in third person, so we can't chalk it as a perception error or some character's bias - and that dissonance irks people who are not too shy to think tremendously. Third, the main reasons of our apparent displeasure are plot holes, wild logic leaps and unnecessary complications along with author's reluctance to accept and correct his mistakes, not mere composition errors.

 

Whoa, come on, we're past all that. Lets stop the argument before a mod has to intervene. Being right isn't that important.

 

And another round of spoilered replies. This time mostly to correct some misconceptions about my stances on things. Please note, I am human, and thus fallible, so these stances may change.

Spoiler: Yet another round of replies.

Thank you for the vote of confidence. That said, I'd rather avoid having a war of the stories. I'd prefer to see such stories viewed in light of their own merits, rather than comparing which is 'better' by whatever arbitrary standards a person may decide to use. That said, if Ack wants to write a Slut Life/Worm story, I'd love to read it. Similar stories don't need to be in competition.

If I get a plot hole large enough that it's been noticed before I've built too much onto it, I'll rewrite however much is needed. Or, if the rest of the section has enough support to stand up despite the change, I don't mind changing it. If I can think of an alternate way of patching the hole without doing a rewrite or a quick retcon, I might do that instead.

I did one of these for Cindy. She is no longer a lawyer, because I don't know enough contract law to write it, and retconning her into being a proper lawyer would change her character more than removing her legal qualifications (which aren't actually needed anyway). I'm doing the other for the legal status of the initial contract. It has been addressed, and things have been changed. You just can't see those changes yet because it happened in my buffer and in my head.

I have no intention of putting detailed plot descriptions into the thread, as that may ruin parts of the story for other readers, and there is no guarantee that something that started in a spoiler tag will stay there. That said, if you want me to PM you a more detailed plot spoiler, let me know. Also let me know how much spoiler you want. Some of stuff I have planned goes out at least three arcs. Granted, the further out the plot is, the more likely it is to change.

Not as useful as you want is not the same as useless. However, I will leave you to your own opinion on the matter, as it's not worth arguing (for either of us).

I am perfectly fine with people pointing out plot holes. In fact, I want them to, so I can attempt to fill them. The part that bothers me is when "I have heard your complaint and am addressing it. It may take time for this to become visible" is read as "doubling down on a stupid idea that I don't like," and is followed by people ranting to me about things I already acknowledged.

Please do. I'd prefer to fill as many as possible, and it's hard to do that if I don't know they're there.

I wasn't trying to make Cindy incompetant, though I suppose I can see where you may be coming from.

It's told, or at least I'm attempting to tell it, in Third Person Limited, which means you only get the emotional indicators from the viewpoint character. I suppose I could be attempting to write this in first person, but that would probably come out much worse. I have a hard enough time keeping on the correct viewpoint character.

I have to disagree with what you think I'm doing. I am accepting and correcting my mistakes when they are pointed out to me. I just reserve the right to make the changes how I want to, not how others think I should.

And now for a double-spoilered list of changes made (without any real detail) based on issues people have brought up. I'm sure I'm going to miss some of them.

Spoiler: Partial list of changes

The legal status of the initial contract (and thus the final contract).
Cindy's status of being a lawyer, or not being a lawyer.
An ongoing plot line involving Liana's mind control attempt.
Various things going on in the background that haven't even been hinted at yet.
The now-non-existance of a potential roommate who only existed to increase the amount of sex (I might have done this one on my own...).
Bob Ross' role in things.
The entire SL builds I had planned for Taylor's theoretical siblings.

 

Except, as I pointed out before, the author came out and told us "this isn't legal." Just not in-story yet.

I don't think I've seen any SL fics from you, I usually ignore your NSFW content (because it's just not up to the quality of your SFW stuff), but I'd read the hell outta a SL fic you wrote.

Actually... Siblings are Owners (even as a Roommate, you can't have the Siblings unless they're an Owner as well). This means that during their time-slot, Taylor has NO veto power over what they do (short of the Safeword option). Meaning if they want sex with Taylor, they get sex with Taylor.

Ummm... where is it said (or even implied) that SL has Time dilation tech?

The closest is time travel, which I assume is done through a 4th/5th dimensional (can't remember which atm) jump.

And this is why I said unreliable narrator, because it's not an omniscient viewpoint.

---
Guardian54 Please read this:

 

...well, I'm enjoying it so far, so please carry on with the story.

 

Then Taylor must be certifiably retarded.

Because a teenager who's blindsided by a contract should IMMEDIATELY think of legality protests. And that protest is enough time to realize that no, this cannot possibly be legal. Followed by application of red tape.

 

...Damn it, I really shouldn't take this as encouragement. I really shouldn't...
...and yet there are so few 'popular female character goes through Slut Life' fics here, despite it being such an interesting concept...
It's not easy being the creative sort of person, is it?

 

... you have been on the internet before now, right?

Being right (as opposed to being correct) makes up about 95% of the reasons people post on here.
https://xkcd.com/386/

I was referring to the omakes to this story that I've written.

Though now I'm considering ... (I really shouldn't) ... an SL fic of my own ... (oh, come on) .... not that I'm very up with the setting ... (I have other fics to write) ... It'll probably be a one-shot ... (oh, all right) ... okay, watch this space.