Cu-nosuba: God’s Blessing on This Lancer’s Holy Grail War!

Davos · Wednesday at 7:29 PM

Albedodragono said:
i wonder if this Kazuma will kick aqua,darkness and megumin out since they are the main reason he lost his manor and got the debts put on him.

Have some faith in Rin

alextheconqueror · Saturday at 3:31 AM

Davos said:
"I…never knew Servants had such an appetite…" Robin says at the mountain of burger wrappers on the table.

The Artorias are a special case

Davos said:
Kazuma and Stella each had two.

Cu enjoyed three.

Robin and Dan Heng each had one.

Saber and Robin's Servant had a duel after their fourth burger.

Competiton and food, two of the best ways to fire up Saber

Davos said:
Saber narrowly won, and both developed an odd respect for the other before eating another burger.

And minor embarrassment upon Robin's words.

Not surprised, they still have their dignity

Davos said:
'I never want to hear that damn wrapper crinkle ever again…' Kazuma thinks.

You should see my family when it's time to eat

Davos said:
'She would have been helpful in that contest at the food stand on Belobog.' Stella thinks.

Huh, she would had been

Davos said:
'How is she still so thin?' Cu and Dan Heng think.

I dunno, Avalon? Dragon Core shenanigans?

Davos said:
"…May I have your name?" Artoria asks while scratching her cheek before finding a sesame seed on it.

"Apologies, bu I forgot…I have amnesia…You can call me Caster" Robin's Servant says, drawing a neutral look from Artoria and a glance from Robin.

Oh, she is hiding something

Davos said:
'…I don't think she's lying, and this Grail War is beyond peculiar…but after Archer I am a little wary about claims of amnesia.'

That's some healthy paranoia, unlike the unhealthy paranoia she had before

Davos said:
"So…what should we do bout this fake message and Skott?" Kazuma asks.

"Contest hasn't started yet, and I really doubt Skott can take Boothill and his Servant so let's take the day off." Stella says.

"I like that plan." Kazuma says.

Same, that's my type of vibe

Davos said:
"I am not sure about leaving him be…a small problem now can become quite irksome later on." Artoria says while glancing at Kazuma.

I mean, she's not wrong

Davos said:
"I'm surprised you're insulting me with a look instead of asking for dessert."

Why not do both?

Davos said:
"I would not abuse Miss Robin's goodwill like that…"

"The total for your meal is 50,400 credits." A staff member says, making Artoria and Robin's servant look to the side.

A little too late for that

Davos said:
'…1800 a burger…oh wow…' Everyone thinks before Robin pays with a smile before everyone leaves the food place.

You should thank you have someone loaded

Davos said:
"This is a gift for breaking the record of most burger in one sitting…though I am sure you could go even further. Would you be interested in the all you can eat contest later this week? Winner gets a lifetime discount and the title 'Burger King'…or 'Burger Queen' if you're entering!"

Artoria looks to the ground, torn between wanting food, and not wanting that title.

Yeah, that tracks, though I can see Saber Alter taking that tittle with pride

Davos said:
The unfairness of her being a servant in a contest for people also crosses her mind.

There's also that yeah

Davos said:
"…Why did you tell them your class was Caster when it's Berzerker?"

So this is a Berserker that probably fights like a Caster, Morgan is it you?

Davos said:
"How can they sue us?!" Aqua shouts as Rin reads more of the letter, glowering with every additional word as Aqua continues.

"It's not like we're the ones that commissioned that icky place…if anything it should only be you." Aqua says.

"They listed why in the letter…apparently you all terrorized the place the last two weeks and I was just the final straw." Rin says, making all three pale.

Then why did they accepted when they saw the address? Oh god, this was planned, this is a scheme from the cafe to take vengeance

Davos said:
"…What did you three do?" Rin asks.

"I…may have told some of my followers about that place…Which might have lead to some broken windows and possible death threats if you read a few letters in a certain mindset…" Aqua says while playing with her thumbs.

Yeah, I can see that happening

Davos said:
"I may have been a bit too forward in my requests there…" Darkness says.

"Wait, you've given me how much crap for going there when she went there?!" Rin shouts with a clenched fist.

"I didn't ask for their services, I wanted a uniform." Darkness says.

That aso makes sense

Davos said:
Rin remains quiet before looking at Aqua and Megumin.

"We are not like that!" They both shout at the same time.

I mean, Megumin still likes Kazuma but she isn't as much of a pervert as Darkness

Davos said:
"It truly was not for them, I thought a skimpy revealing outfit would prompt Kazuma into action, but I didn't realize it was a bot until your arrival."

"…Are you into him?" Rin asks.

"I…am not sure…He did me a great favor not too long ago, but just as important…he is a truly twisted man, able to harass me in ways I never dreamed of! So to go two weeks without that was utter Hell!" Darkness says with squeal.

She is totally into him

Davos said:
"…You really are depraved."

"Your attempt at flattering insults is underwhelming, especially when you of all people call someone else depraved, O sow who sought out a succubus café on her first day in Axel."

Ha! This is golden

Davos said:
"I didn't sought it out, I found it by accident!"

"Did you also accidentally walk inside, slipped and filled out a request form, before tripping all the way back to the manor and tucking yourself in early like a good little harlot?" Darkness asks.

She have a valid point

Davos said:
"What did you do?"

"…I may have sent in a threat to blow them up." Megumin says drawing shocked faces from all three. Aqua recovers and gives her a thumbs up.

Ok, yeah, that's part of the curse to her, and Aqua I know you have a bias but don't encourage her

Davos said:
"Why?!" Rin asks with a voice crack.

"I was passing by there one day when I overheard them training a new hire. They were telling her what body types to avoid unless specifically asked for, and they used my picture! I still recall the words that smug succubus said! 'This is illegal!' She even repeated it while looking at right me!" Megumin shouts with glowing eyes and a flick of her cape.

I mean, they weren't exactly wrong, just being assholes about it

Davos said:
Rin starts hitting her head on the door.

'No wonder he wanted a vacation!'

Yeah, the fact he had to deal with this constantly is prove of his patience

Davos said:
The door to the main car is kicked open, surprising everyone as a young blonde man with a bandana covering his face enters. He raises his gun and holds a bag in the other hand.

"This is a hold up! Put the money in the bag!"

Kazuma: Ugh, a robbery
Cu: *Grins* Oh, a robbery

Davos said:
Everyone looks on quietly a moment before raising their weapons. They stop when another man in all black with a cowboy hat appears and grabs the blonde's head.

"What the fork are you doing ashvole?! I told you these here are good people!"

"I know, but when will I ever get another chance to pretend rob a train in space?" The blonde says with a grin while spinning his revolver.

He has a point

Davos said:
"He makes a good point…perhaps there is another train we can rob for a funn experiment…" Da Vinci says with a hand at her chin, drawing a stare from Himeko.

Never change Da vinci

Davos said:
"…The IPC uses trains like the Express right?" Caelus asks, making Da Vinci and the blonde smile, before the cowboy and Himiko raise their hand with the silent threat of a command seal.

I like how he thinks

Davos said:
"I thought you hated the IPC Boothill?" Stella asks.

Not surprised by this info, but surprised he decided to stop who I'm pretty sure is Billy The Kid

Davos said:
"I do, but I am not the sort that likes being pulled into other's harebrained schemes." Boothill says.

"You didn't sound that upset when I called you to help with that shorty cult while I was a hotel manager." Stella says.

"Wait, what?" Kazuma asks.

"That's cause you ain't an other, yer a pal. Blondie here just appeared outta nowhere, talking magic mumbo jumbo about servants and fudging magical cups. Almost shot him for thinking he was an IPC spy with chute for brains before I got that message from the old guy. Hell, the only reason I even agreed to that odd chant was cause I knew Rappa would jump to join this war."

That makes sense to me, if a friend asked me to deal with a cult I would probably say "Son of a bitch, I'm in" but if it's a random thenno way unless he pays me

Davos said:
"Yeah, timing was good too…I'd hate to kill my Master when he so needs tip on his shooting form."

"That's another thing…Stop talking carp bout my shooting!"

"Maybe I wouldn't if you hit your mark!"

Yep, it's Billy

Davos said:
"…Then you'd be dead Billy." Boothill says.

"Not with how you aim." Billy says with a wider smile.

Oooooh, that should had burn

Davos said:
"Muddlefudger!" Boothill mutters before raising his own gun, only for it to fly out his hand. Billy blows out the smoke from his barrel with a grin.

"See? I know most probably don't have my skill but the fact I could do that shows you're as slow as mol-" Billy's calm talk stops when another shot rings out and blows off his hat. Looking over he sees Boothill pointing at him with a smoking finger.

Tbf, I doubt many people can compare to you Mr "I am so good that my NP is my skill to shoot two times before my opponent attacks"

Davos said:
"You were saying?"

"…You have literal finger guns?" Billy asks with wide eyes.

"Yeah."

"That is amazing…I want that!" Billy says.

"No you do not." Boothill says.

Yes, he would

Davos said:
"Can we not shoot up the train? We already have a possible time bomb with another blonde." Kazuma says.

"…I am not a bomb." Artoria says.

Agree to disagree

Davos said:
"Plus, now that he is here we know Skott is just desperately sending fake messages." Dan Heng says

"What you talking about brother?" Boothill asks, and they show him the message supposedly from Boothill. After finishing, both he and Billy have to lean on a couch to keep from falling in
laughter.

Yep, that sums it up

Davos said:
"Salutations?! Hahaha!"

"This guy knows nothing about outlaws gahaha!"

Ikr, amateurs

Davos said:
Another message appears. Boothill and Billy read it, laughing harder before Boothill takes a breath and tries to do something before grunting in annoyance.

"Darn metal fingers…Billy, can you take a picture on this?"

Yep, can't think of anything but Drac witht he smartphone

Davos said:
"Excellent news Master! They responded!" Grady says.

"They did?" What did they-"

Both fall silent when they see a picture of Boothill smiling and flipping them off. Skott jumps back when he sees the second pic of Boothill pointing a gun at him.

Heh, classic

Davos said:
"Ok that's it! Since you can't get them to come here, I will!" Skott says.

"How do you plan to do that?"

"Watch and learn…but before I do that, there is absolutely no chance your Noble Phantasm will fail, right?"

Wonder what he's planning

Davos said:
"I am the most powerful being on Penacony!"

.... I feel a disturbance in the force

Davos said:
'I hope so…' Skott thinks before sending a message back.

You probably will need that claim to be real

Davos said:
"Oh! The shot for brains actually sent something-" Boothill says before glowering.

"What did he say?"

"Forker called me a salt and pepper chicken! He called the entire Express one too."

Oh, uh oh

Davos said:
"Is this really all he-"

"Let's go to the theme park, kick his ass, and make him cluck!" Stella says, cutting off Kazuma who stares at her blankly.

Yep, that tracks

Davos said:
'…This woman's an idiot…' Artoria thinks as Dan Heng cups his head.

She is, a gremlin, adorable, incredibly funny idiot

Davos said:
"Stella, that's exactly what he wants us to do." March says.

"Then he must have forgotten what happened in Arum alley and the results of your training!" Stella says.

"…You're just saying that because you want to see me in that outfit again."

I kinda wanna see

Davos said:
"So you don't want to kick Skott's ass properly this time?"

A moment later March sighs and goes to change.

Huh, she is good

Davos said:
"What did this Skott do in that alley and elsewhere to engender such ill will?" Artoria asks.

"He tried to close down Arum alley as part of a possible acquisition for the IPC…for context, it is a string of odd shops and amazing restaurants." Stella says with a glint in her eye.

Correction, she ins incredibly good

Davos said:
Artoria gasps and readies her blade.

"This Skott is a blackheart!"

He hit the food button

Davos said:
'So easy to manipulate…~' Stella thinks with a grin.

As long as you know the buttons to push

Davos said:
"So what do you say about teaming up Boothill and-" Caelus starts to ask before noticing Boothill and Billy are gone.

I'm not even surprised

Davos said:
"…Are they seriously charging headfirst into a trap because they were called chicken?" Kazuma asks.

"Wouldn't be the first time he went into a dangerous situation. He has helped us in fighting threats that could have destroyed the cosmos." Dan Heng says.

No wonder he summoned Billy

Davos said:
"I doubt Skott will be a threat, but his Servant could be an issue….plus I want to see him make more animal noises~." Stella says with a lilt in her voice.

*Don't fold don't fold fon't fold*

Davos said:
Rin takes the stand, staring back at a succubus in a professional uniform who places a bell on a nearby table, ignoring the crowd behind her looking their way.

Time to judgement

Davos said:
"Name and occupation?"

"Rin Tohsaka, and…new adventurer."

"Why the pause?"

"Still getting used to that being my job…"

Davos said:
"I see…Can you describe the evens of the other night in question." The succubus lawyer asks, and an audible groan from the wooden railing creaks out as the crowd of men lean on it. The women look in annoyance both at the men and at Rin.

"…Do I have to?"

Yes

Davos said:
"It is for the official record."

"…I bought the services of that establishment, without knowing the prior history they had with the current residents."

This would probably give her leniency

Davos said:
"Ignorance does not pardon law breaking."

"What law did I break? As I said, I did not know about the prior visit, and I did nothing to the bizarre establishment." Rin asks with crossed arms.

"You are an accessory." The lawyer answers back.

"That's shaky grounds and you know it. If someone held the door open out of politeness to someone, and that someone robbed a bank, would you say that person who held the door was involved in the robbery?"

Rin makes a valid point

Davos said:
"Of course not…but your connection with this group cannot be overlooked."

"What connection? I only met them three days ago! I can't be held responsible for their actions!"

"Are you throwing us under the bus?!" Aqua shouts.

You are telling me you didn't planned to do the same?

Davos said:
"So you are not 'close' with Kazuma Satou?" The succubus asks and Rin pauses a moment.

"…What does that have to do with anything?" She asks, causing a murmur in the crowd.

"It is true…" A burly fighter says.

Here will come the gossip

Davos said:
"She must be quite depraved, more so than any of us thought…!" A woman in skimpy excuse of armor says.

Girl, look at the mirror before talking

Davos said:
"Kazuma's got good taste…" A blonde man says before getting a glare from a brown haired girl with a tail.

Dust, good old Dust, just as cultured as ever

Davos said:
"Oh God…does she know steal too?" Another woman mutters in fear.

Not yet

Davos said:
Rin grips the wooden railing hard enough to make it creak.

"The young man has a history of destruction and law breaking, The fact you are with him speaks volumes about your lack of character."

Didn't he saved the city? Like multiple times?
Also all the charges against him were solved

Davos said:
"How dare- I'll admit, he has questionable moments but he is not bad at heart! Which is more than could be said of you, you dream realm parasite masquerading as a lawyer!"

Ok, that sounded racist, might affect a little how this come out XD

Davos said:
"Such hollow insults when you purchased services from such 'parasites'."

"You're insinuation might hurt more if you haven't refused my refund!"

Yeah, that's what hurts more

Davos said:
"Order!" The judge says again.

I don't think they are hearing you anymore

Davos said:
"Your purchase will be put towards reparations."

That's never good to hear

Davos said:
"…And what are those reparations? The letter never said what they were."

"Acquisition of your manor and a debt to be paid off over the course of-"

Aqua shrill cry of horror makes the lawyer flinch.

This is why we don't leave them unsupervised

Davos said:
"I don't wanna sleep in a stable again!"

"I want to continue eating real food! I don't want to eat worms!"

"…I wouldn't mind either…~" Darkness says with a smile.

Not the moment Darkness they are having a panic attack

Davos said:
"…Can I speak alone with you for a moment? I want to make a deal."

A moment later they are behind a divide with the judge.

"What harebrained deal are you thinking?"

"If I let you use their likeness for dreams, would that settle everything?"

Oh, so this is what she was planning

Davos said:
"Why would you think that would work?"

"They're deranged but good looking. I imagine you would rake in quite a lot of cash with their faces and figures…or at least two of them."

This is good but there's one problem with this-

Davos said:
"You make a solid point…there is just one tiny issue." The lawyer says with a grin inching up.

"What's that?"

"We already use their likeness~. Did you already forget that customers can describe how their partner can look in a dream?"

Dreams doesn't have copyright issues

Davos said:
"Don't worry…I am sure after today there will be a line today asking for you as well…a very long line~." The lawyer says, making Rin groan, and the judge smiles a moment before correcting himself.

Rin groans a little louder.

Seriously man, I know Rin is gorgeous but be professional

Davos said:
"We'll also give the honor a discount…I am sure he must be tired from the stress of his duties…~." The succubus says with a wink, making the judge stammer a weak refusal.

Doesn't that count as bribing the judge? Why nobody is mentioning that

Davos said:
Rin groans yet again, but now she has a plan.

Using the fact that they intentionally agreed to go the house of people they already had problems before knowing very well how the last time went with one of them being considered an intruder by one of the residents and using it for a case against the succubus cafe for making fraud in the court? Who am I kidding, Rin isn't good enough at this to think of that

Davos said:
"Prepare to die Forker!" Boothill says upon entering the theme park.

"I see stealth is not your strong suit, Master." Billy says.

"No need to hide if ya make sure there is no one to hide from."

That's called hard stealth, search it up XD

Davos said:
"…You come out with some of the greatest lines Booty."

He does, and that's a great Nickname

Davos said:
"Don't call me that."

Too late, you are now Booty

Davos said:
"How loud and raucous…Can you be any more ill mannered, you second rate background villain?" A haughty voice says from the elevated platform. Skott is behind him, wearing a helmet, vest, and reinforced leggings, causing Boothill to chuckle.

I feel like a weird mixture of Gilgamesh and Shakespeare coming from him, I'm worried

Davos said:
"Are you the forker that's been impersonating me so poorly?"

"Careful…there is a reason he wanted us here Master, so we should-" Billy starts before Grady laughs loudly.

Yeah, don't think reason will win this fight

Davos said:
"I am so far beyond you, that trying to get down to your level proves impossible."

"…Screwwubaboo, Ima kill him."

Being honest, would react the same

Davos said:
"Allow me, he's still a Servant…And I am sure it's the turtle behind him that sent the message calling you a chicken." Billy says while quickly checking his gun, making Skott swallow nervously.

Always bet on Billy for a quickdraw

Davos said:
"Fools…you think you can best me? In Penacony?"

.... I seeing red flags, crimson even!!
Oh god, this is gonna be like Vlad again

Davos said:
"Go on, draw first. You'll need it." Billy says, his hand at his side as his grin falls.

The silence drags on for a long moment until a tumbleweed passes by.

Huh, like a cowboy film

Davos said:
Grady raises his arms in a dramatic pose.

"Silent horror-!" His head jerks back as a shot rings out, a hole now in his head. Grady looks right at Billy, stunning the outlaw a moment with the widest of smiles.

"…Picture show!"

Shit, he used it

Davos said:
The screens at the theme park flicker, a myriad of clips from black and white movies appear one after the other, picking up speed.

This makes me think of Edison NP

Davos said:
Billy shoots again, landing two shots in Grady's chest.

Boothill also fires a shot, hitting Grady in the eye and the neck, but the wounds instantly close, leaving only bloodstains upon his clothes as proof of his injuries.

"Fools…I am the protagonist of this film, and the leading hero cannot die in the opening act!"

Oh, so following movie rules

Davos said:
"The fork kind of hero are-" Boothill vanishes before finishing his sentence.

"Master?! What did you do with-" Billy vanishes before finishing his question.

"Behold, the greatest filmmaker of Penacony's sordid history, the Caster Servant, The Great Grady!"

Huh, I'm starting to like him

Davos said:
"…At least they gave us a week to get our stuff together…" Megumin muses sadly.

Something is something

Davos said:
"…This sucks…this isn't fair…I need a drink, but I can't…How do people live like this?" Aqua mutters.

You are sounding like my father, HA, like he ever would quit drinking

Davos said:
"…Should I sleep on hay or the hard floor?" Darkness wonders out loud while cupping her face.

At least someone is enjoying herself

Davos said:
Rin meanwhile is spreading newspaper, other papers and setting up oil lamps precariously around the ground floor.

Wait a moment

Davos said:
"…What are you doing? Are you trying to start a fire?" Megumin asks.

"Yes." Rin says before making a flame appear at her finger tip while pouring oil on the rug. Darkness and Aqua grab her.

This was the plan!?

Davos said:
"Are you insane?!"

She might be

Davos said:
"Those dream hussies aren't getting a manor! I'll even leave this Godless city so they don't get a damn cent out of me!"

You can't just destroy a manor everytime you have a problem!

Davos said:
"And where will we go?!" Megumin shouts dragging the oil soaked rug away.

"There has to be another city we can go to!"

I mean, it's a big country

Davos said:
"Arcanletia!" Aqua says.

"Yes!" Darkness says with a smile.

"No!" Megumin and Rin shout at the same time, making them all look at Rin.

No!

Davos said:
"Kazuma told me about it…terrible place."

"It is not!" Aqua shouts.

It is

Davos said:
"It is the only logical course of action, as well making right our prior wrongs." Darkness says.

Rin looks at her so very flatly.

"…You just want live in debt to succubi and sleep in a stable don't you?"

Yep, she wants that with all her might

Davos said:
Darkness arches her back a moment before righting herself.

"…If we burn this place down and flee, how will Kazuma find us if he returns?" Darkness asks.

So using logic to get what you want, at least this is going to the right direction

Davos said:
Rin opens her mouth to argue but remains silent.

"…God damn it…" She mutters before helping clean up the papers and oil lamps before going to pack her bag.

Yeah, can't argue with that

Davos said:
'This isn't how my life in a new world was supposed to go…'

Funny thing, this is how Kazuma felt

Davos said:
Aqua stabs the meat on her plate, extracting and inserting the knife with red cheeks and a blank stare.

Illya also does the motion with her own food.

They look up at the other.

The irish victims are socializing

Davos said:
"…How was Cu?" Aqua asks.

"…Unrelenting, but oddly…nice. Fergus?" Illya asks back while playing with a bit of hair.

"Ferocious…I think I lost consciousness at one point…"

Yeah, that's part of the course with doing it with a celt

Davos said:
"Same…though Sella woke me up."

"Sounds better than what Fergus did to wake me…"

"What did he do?"

"Same thing that made me lose consciousness…"

So drowning you in unrelenting bliss?

Davos said:
"…Can you two please not talk about this?" Rin asks while sitting down.

"…Jealous?" Illya asks with a smirk, making Rin's eye twitch.

I mean, she also does it regularly

Davos said:
"I'm sure I could convince Cu to take you camping for a long weekend." Rin says before paling at seeing the drool trail down Illya's open mouth before she rights herself.

Wow, she is really into it

Davos said:
"Oh God…you are depraved."

"I am not! I'm a victim!"

"Victims don't ask for thirds." Cu says while passing by, making Illya glower.

I mean, he has a point

Davos said:
"Wow…I almost feel bad for what's about to happen~." Rin says with a grin.

"What are you-" Illya starts to ask before Leysritt places a plate near Illya.

She did something naughty~

Davos said:
"Leysritt, I already have- Illya croaks upon seeing what is on the plate.

A sausage.

Three pancakes.

Each with a hole stabbed through them.

One of the pancakes has a noodle tied around it in a familiar looking fetish knot.

Hahahahahahhahahahahahhahahaha

Davos said:
"It was specially requested by Miss Rin…does this mean something mistress?" Leysritt asks with a neutral face before cracking a grin.

She knows, she was just into the prank too XD

Davos said:
Rin has a hand over her mouth as she leans over the table, barely keeping herself from laughing as tears run down her cheeks. Illya stands up, takes a bite out of the meat on her other dish, and summons a dozen threaded birds.

Rin makes her limbs grow, closes the distance, and readies a gandr shot at Illya's face.

I think you meant glow
Also FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

Davos said:
Kazuma appears out of nowhere and places a hand on both women's necks.

"Drain touch."

And we have the king of de-escalation in his home turf, look how he take care of the troublesome females

Davos said:
Kazuma hefts Rin up on his shoulder.

"Hey Fergus, can you keep an eye on Illya?"

Normally wouldn't be a good idea, but this Fergus is celibate now, still getting used to it

Davos said:
A moment later Fergus enters the room, eyes wide open as he glares at Kazuma.

"How many temptations must I face in this house of sin?"

"Not that kind of watch! Just until she can walk again!"

"Oh…My apologies." Fergus says with closed eyes as Kazuma takes a fidgeting Rin upstairs.

He is just dealing with too much at the moment

Davos · Saturday at 4:58 PM

alextheconqueror said:
That's some healthy paranoia, unlike the unhealthy paranoia she had before

Same, that's my type of vibe

Why not do both?

A little too late for that

You should thank you have someone loaded

Yeah, that tracks, though I can see Saber Alter taking that tittle with pride

So this is a Berserker that probably fights like a Caster, Morgan is it you?

Then why did they accepted when they saw the address? Oh god, this was planned, this is a scheme from the cafe to take vengeance

Yeah, I can see that happening

That aso makes sense

I mean, Megumin still likes Kazuma but she isn't as much of a pervert as Darkness

She is totally into him

Ha! This is golden

She have a valid point

Ok, yeah, that's part of the curse to her, and Aqua I know you have a bias but don't encourage her

I mean, they weren't exactly wrong, just being assholes about it

Yeah, the fact he had to deal with this constantly is prove of his patience

Kazuma: Ugh, a robbery
Cu: *Grins* Oh, a robbery

He has a point

Never change Da vinci

I like how he thinks

Not surprised by this info, but surprised he decided to stop who I'm pretty sure is Billy The Kid

That makes sense to me, if a friend asked me to deal with a cult I would probably say "Son of a bitch, I'm in" but if it's a random thenno way unless he pays me

Yep, it's Billy

Oooooh, that should had burn

Tbf, I doubt many people can compare to you Mr "I am so good that my NP is my skill to shoot two times before my opponent attacks"

Yes, he would

Agree to disagree

Yep, that sums it up

Ikr, amateurs

Yep, can't think of anything but Drac witht he smartphone

Heh, classic

Wonder what he's planning

.... I feel a disturbance in the force

You probably will need that claim to be real

Oh, uh oh

Yep, that tracks

She is, a gremlin, adorable, incredibly funny idiot

I kinda wanna see

Huh, she is good

Correction, she ins incredibly good

He hit the food button

As long as you know the buttons to push

I'm not even surprised

No wonder he summoned Billy

*Don't fold don't fold fon't fold*

Rin makes a valid point

You are telling me you didn't planned to do the same?

Here will come the gossip

Girl, look at the mirror before talking

Dust, good old Dust, just as cultured as ever

Not yet

Didn't he saved the city? Like multiple times?
Also all the charges against him were solved

Ok, that sounded racist, might affect a little how this come out XD

Yeah, that's what hurts more

I don't think they are hearing you anymore

That's never good to hear

This is why we don't leave them unsupervised

Not the moment Darkness they are having a panic attack

Oh, so this is what she was planning

This is good but there's one problem with this-

Dreams doesn't have copyright issues

Seriously man, I know Rin is gorgeous but be professional

Doesn't that count as bribing the judge? Why nobody is mentioning that

Using the fact that they intentionally agreed to go the house of people they already had problems before knowing very well how the last time went with one of them being considered an intruder by one of the residents and using it for a case against the succubus cafe for making fraud in the court? Who am I kidding, Rin isn't good enough at this to think of that

That's called hard stealth, search it up XD

He does, and that's a great Nickname

Too late, you are now Booty

I feel like a weird mixture of Gilgamesh and Shakespeare coming from him, I'm worried

Yeah, don't think reason will win this fight

Being honest, would react the same

Always bet on Billy for a quickdraw

.... I seeing red flags, crimson even!!
Oh god, this is gonna be like Vlad again

Huh, like a cowboy film

Shit, he used it

This makes me think of Edison NP

Oh, so following movie rules

Huh, I'm starting to like him

Something is something

You are sounding like my father, HA, like he ever would quit drinking

At least someone is enjoying herself

Wait a moment

This was the plan!?

She might be

You can't just destroy a manor everytime you have a problem!

I mean, it's a big country

No!

It is

Yep, she wants that with all her might

So using logic to get what you want, at least this is going to the right direction

Yeah, can't argue with that

Funny thing, this is how Kazuma felt

The irish victims are socializing

She did something naughty~

Hahahahahahhahahahahahhahahaha

She knows, she was just into the prank too XD

I think you meant glow
Also FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

And we have the king of de-escalation in his home turf, look how he take care of the troublesome females

Normally wouldn't be a good idea, but this Fergus is celibate now, still getting used to it

He is just dealing with too much at the moment

Glad to hear. Feared it might have been seen as the deranged her in Romania

Same, but probably not the best type of plan

Multitasking is hard/ insulting him should be done with full focus

True.

....Robin is her sugar momma?

Due to being an alter or to mess with Artroira? Or both?

Not this time.

Wouldn't you take vengeance if three crazy adventurers bothered your bussiness?

Indeed

Indeed

No one is as much of a pervert as Darkness...except maybe Kiara?

Yep

Petty Darkness is a joy to write

Very...

You think Aqua wouldn't approve of blowing up succubi? Eris too if no collateral.

Maybe....

Her trial is only beginning.

Probably the Express' reaction too

Silly as it is

She probably won't

...Wonder if that will be an event in the game someday?

You are right.

Plus the Rappa angle...I am tempted to have her join in too, but writing her would be...

Yep

It did

How does that fare vs Servants though? I assume protection from arrows still works

Surprised you didn't mention the minor Fate abridged ref xd

They probably wont

hehe

Completly...though tbf, Grady was more bad horror movies than anything else, so Westerns are probably alien to him.

Drac?

Yeah

'Oh you'll find out, cause he's about to summon them!'

As intended

He does, but he is a gag character. he survives based on that alone.

Yeah...

Also yes

100% yes

Not as great as you think.

Indeed

Incredibly indeed

Muffin button/ shouldnt have done that

True

Aww

I thought it fitting or at least grounds for a good time

Do it...fold like a chair

She does, but this is the Belzerg courts

Does that make it less annoying?

Indeed

She tries not to...the armor has high stats

Wouldn't be Dust otherwise

Just got to think of a good moment for it

Yes, but he did also destroy part of the city in solving a problem his party caused

Huh....it did.

Took her money and didn't give her a good time. Least the church hot line fulfilled that promise

They aren't.

It'll get worse

Tbf, the bot wasn't programmed for those three

But she's having a joy attack

tbf, Darkness would love the plan.

Yeah....

Yeah....

Why not professionally petty? Besides, I am sure a few guys will be going there right away

If you were the judge, would you complain?

I know you probably aren't looking for a serious answer, but the cafe could say the new hire was unaware or there was snafu that day due to being busy

You mean fun?

Not for him

He will never accept those terms

A fairly good description I think of Grady

It never does

Same

Wouldn't other outlaws give him a hardtime for that title? Or Wyatt Earp's history of not getting shot?

Calm down Piccolo...but you are right.

Yep

Wouldn't a Grail War unless everyone used their np at least once

Kinda...I'll have to touch on it more in another chapter

Yep

Glad to hear...

Indeed

That's a little dark. You alright?

Might be worrisome if she wasn't.

You caught it

It is!

I think exasperated might be the better term.

....Why not?

It is but...

It is also one of the few places where they would hesitate sending law enforcement to

Only for demons and Eris cultists...most of them anyway

Yep

She does make a point

Unfortunately for her

I thought it would be a nice touch

Irish Dub Con Anonymous

Have some faith in her sensabilities...

but you're right

Did you expect Leysritt to say no?

I did, and I thought I changed it already...I'll double check

Not so much deescalate, as incapacitate.

In probably the most challenging place. I'm sure the succubi cafe would be less prone to misunderstandings

Very much so

alextheconqueror · Saturday at 8:19 PM

Davos said:
Glad to hear. Feared it might have been seen as the deranged her in Romania

Nah, I know the difference since I have the healthy one wich is being aware that anything can go wrong, meanwhile the unhealthy one is thinking that everyone is against you until proven otherwise

Davos said:
Same, but probably not the best type of plan

But still the most comfortable to do XD

Davos said:
Multitasking is hard/ insulting him should be done with full focus

I see *Says a man whose ADHD make him multitask in everything*

Davos said:
....Robin is her sugar momma?

When you think of that, yes

Davos said:
Due to being an alter or to mess with Artroira? Or both?

Both XD
Also Saber Alter is a known fan of fast food, you can see her eating burgers usually

Davos said:
Not this time.

Yeah, that makes sense-Did you say this time!?

Davos said:
Wouldn't you take vengeance if three crazy adventurers bothered your bussiness?

Never said they were on the wrong, if anything, I respect the game

Davos said:
No one is as much of a pervert as Darkness...except maybe Kiara?

I would say Medb, Kiara is another whole beast(Hah, get it?) and is more Psycho tthan Pervert, though she is also a massive pervert but you get me

Davos said:
Yep

Completelly

Davos said:
Petty Darkness is a joy to write

I can see it XD

Davos said:
Very...

Rin should just embrace the degeneracy at this point

Davos said:
You think Aqua wouldn't approve of blowing up succubi? Eris too if no collateral.

Yeah, those goddess hate of any kind of demon would make Frieren and the Doom Slayer proud

Davos said:
Maybe....

Probably would had better done it when not in the same place as the crazy bomber of Axel XD

Davos said:
Her trial is only beginning.

Indeed

Davos said:
Probably the Express' reaction too

They follow the America Wizard mindset

Davos said:
Silly as it is

I mean, I know I would want to rob a train in space

Davos said:
She probably won't

And we love her for that

Davos said:
...Wonder if that will be an event in the game someday?

I mean it sounds funny

Davos said:
You are right.

They just fit so well

Davos said:
Plus the Rappa angle...I am tempted to have her join in too, but writing her would be...

I know what you mean

Davos said:
It did

Knew it

Davos said:
How does that fare vs Servants though? I assume protection from arrows still works

Well alongside his NP that basically guaranteed a shoot in the hearth and one in the head before the opponent can attack he also has a Skill wich from what I remember allows to do quickshoot faster and more precise, I would say that with a higher level of Protection of arrows(Or the modern variant wich I'm pretty sure is called Bulletproof treatment) or a high enough look(Artoria's level) to block one of the shoots, both of em if you want to block or dodge both
Though the NP doesn't make them actually a instant death it's just a sure hit but some servants can just shrugh it off

Davos said:
Surprised you didn't mention the minor Fate abridged ref xd

Ooooh, how didn't I noticed the Shirou patented phrase XD

Davos said:
They probably wont

I was more on the "I'm not a bomb" from Artoria, because she has been very trigger happy recently, it will probably fade when she calms a little, these few days had been stressfull for her

Davos said:
Completly...though tbf, Grady was more bad horror movies than anything else, so Westerns are probably alien to him.

Hmm, Horror vs western, sounds like an interesting concept for a movie

Davos said:
Drac?

The Hotel transilvania Dracula, you know the one who had a pretty goth daughterand always gets annoyed when someone imitates him saying "Bla bla bla"

Davos said:
'Oh you'll find out, cause he's about to summon them!'

Oh yeah

Davos said:
As intended

I see XD

Davos said:
He does, but he is a gag character. he survives based on that alone.

So true

Davos said:
Not as great as you think.

Still wanna see

Davos said:
Muffin button/ shouldnt have done that

We really are never getting out of the Abridged XD

Davos said:
I thought it fitting or at least grounds for a good time

It does

Davos said:
Do it...fold like a chair

Nooo, oh fuck it, I will do as Gambit says, "I don't fold I go ALL IN"

Davos said:
She does, but this is the Belzerg courts

Fair enough

Davos said:
Does that make it less annoying?

No,no it doesn't

Davos said:
She tries not to...the armor has high stats

Makes sense, of course they would make Bikini enchanted armor lol

Davos said:
Wouldn't be Dust otherwise

Indeed, and we love him that way

Davos said:
Just got to think of a good moment for it

Makes sense

Davos said:
Yes, but he did also destroy part of the city in solving a problem his party caused

What about the destroyer incident? He didn't actually did anything wrong there

Davos said:
Huh....it did.

Unintended/unknown racism is the most funny racism

Davos said:
Took her money and didn't give her a good time. Least the church hot line fulfilled that promise

So true XD

Davos said:
It'll get worse

It always does

Davos said:
Tbf, the bot wasn't programmed for those three

So true, nothing is prepared for those three

Davos said:
But she's having a joy attack

I can see that

Davos said:
tbf, Darkness would love the plan.

Yeah, she would

Davos said:
Why not professionally petty? Besides, I am sure a few guys will be going there right away

True, heh, we had the casual petty and the competitive petty, but they aren't prepared for professional petty

Davos said:
If you were the judge, would you complain?

No, but at least I would hide it better

Davos said:
I know you probably aren't looking for a serious answer, but the cafe could say the new hire was unaware or there was snafu that day due to being busy

That technically would still count as negligence, huh, who would had thought that all those lawyer series that my aunt likes to watch would give me perspective

Davos said:
You mean fun?

That too

Davos said:
Not for him

Well sucks for him I gues

Davos said:
He will never accept those terms

He doesn't need to

Davos said:
A fairly good description I think of Grady

Why thank you

Davos said:
It never does

Never

Davos said:
Wouldn't other outlaws give him a hardtime for that title? Or Wyatt Earp's history of not getting shot?

It all comes to fame, Billy the kid is probably the most famous outlaw from what I remember, so that gives him and advantage

Davos said:
Calm down Piccolo...but you are right.

They need to DOOODGE

Davos said:
Wouldn't a Grail War unless everyone used their np at least once

It would be a pretty lackluster one otherwise

Davos said:
Kinda...I'll have to touch on it more in another chapter

It's a pretty similar design

Davos said:
Glad to hear...

It's just surprisingly charistmatic

Davos said:
That's a little dark. You alright?

Somewhat sick wich takes out my little dark self

Davos said:
Might be worrisome if she wasn't.

True

Davos said:
You caught it

Knew it XD

Davos said:
I think exasperated might be the better term.

Tbf, you need to be at least a little crazy to be part of the moonlight world

Davos said:
....Why not?

You will get out of accessible manors to burn and then what will you do? Burn a house? Is not as cathartic as a manor

Davos said:
It is but...

It is also one of the few places where they would hesitate sending law enforcement to

...Not worth it

Davos said:
Only for demons and Eris cultists...most of them anyway

XD

Davos said:
She does make a point

She does

Davos said:
Unfortunately for her

Poor Rin

Davos said:
I thought it would be a nice touch

It was

Davos said:
Irish Dub Con Anonymous

Pffff

Davos said:
Have some faith in her sensabilities...

Was I wrong?

Davos said:
but you're right

That's what I thought

Davos said:
Did you expect Leysritt to say no?

Never

Davos said:
I did, and I thought I changed it already...I'll double check

Huh,well, we'll see

Davos said:
Not so much deescalate, as incapacitate.

Incapacitation is still a form of Deescalation

Davos said:
In probably the most challenging place. I'm sure the succubi cafe would be less prone to misunderstandings

Very much so

Yep. poor Fergus, your sacrifice won't be in vain

Davos · 2026-05-04T18:02:59+0100

Archer looks down at the blonde man in a colorful coat drinking coffee; someone else sits with him, but their face is obscured by an umbrella.

'Strange…Did not think this Aventurine would be so…relaxed. I would think his servant is powerful, but given the mostly safe nature of this war, I doubt it is anything to worry-' Archer stops and stares when Master and Servant stand up.

'Oh God…' Emiya thinks before noticing TV screens on the street zipping through footage like someone hit the fast forward button.

'That can't be good either…'

===

"…I still don't think running into the same trap Boothill and Billy did is a good idea." Kazuma says.

"Loath as I am to agree with it, a little information gathering would be wise." Artoria says, making Kazuma's brow twitch at being called a thing.

"Sometimes it's not about making wise decisions, it's about making a choice you won't regret." Stella says with a raised clenched fist and a smile.
Kazuma looks at her blankly.

"…What the Hell are you talking about?"

"Trailblazing!" Caelus says with fists on his hips. Stella copies the pose a second later.

"…Are they drunk?" Kazuma asks March.

"No, but I can see why you would think that without context." March says while dressed in a red and black fighting outfit with white thigh high leggings that leaves just enough thigh to be eye catching while brandishing two short swords.

'…She really does make any outfit look good.' Kazuma thinks before seeing March catch him looking.

"…I really hope this isn't what Artoria was talking about."

"What slander did she say?"

"No slander, just the truth." Artoria says while looking at the mascot of the park, a smiling anthropomorphized clock in shorts.

"That would be a first."

"Because your morals are beyond reproach?"

"I agree, he's terrible." Stella says, shocking them both before she continues.

"He still hasn't shared those pictures!"

"I'll show you later when the blue thing isn't around." Kazuma says, making Artoria draw her blade.

"…How have you lived this long after antagonizing a Servant?" Dan Heng asks.

"Long, colorful story…it starts with white~." Cu says with a grin while meeting Artoria's glare.

"I wouldn't mind hearing the details!" Da Vinci says with a smile, making Himeko sigh.

"…Maybe you should apologize to her? She doesn't seem to like whatever happened before." Medea suggests, making Artoria glance at her.

'I don't hate her suggestion but…There is so much wrong with her of all people saying that.' Artoria thinks.

"…Can I see it too?" Caelus asks.

"You're not old enough." Stella says with a grin.

"We're the same age!"

"I'm a minute older!" Stella says with crossed arms.

"But a minute has passed so-" Caelus stops when he sees the screens at the theme park entrance flicker before showing Grady and Skott, now unarmored, smiling at them.

"Guests of the Express, I welcome you…to your doom!" Grady on the screen says.

"Awww, too scared to greet the Galactic Baseballers in person?" Caelus asks.

"There is no need to greet worms in person…" Grady says while adjusting his cap.

"Or, better yet, dogs~!" Skott finishes with a wide smile. Stella looks at the screen in confusion before raising a hand to her chest and looking at Skott with sincerity.

"…Are you my Servant?" She asks in a loud voice, making everyone present sigh, cup their head, stare flatly, or in Da Vinci's case, smile.

Grady looks on puzzled.

Skott silently gasps, before shaking with anger.

"Did you forget who I am?! After everything in Arum Alley, and that contest where you resorted to food poisoning and hacking IPC mechs!?"

"She did what with food?" Artoria asks.

"It was horrible! They told me it was tradition on the Loufou or something, and me and my men couldn't fight! And that was before the mech hacking! Do you have any idea how much hazard pay we had to give that mech pilot and grunts?! I couldn't show myself around the office for months without hearing snickering!"

"Don't be silly Sean, they snickered long before that!"

"My name is-Grrrrrrrr!"

"And I didn't poison the food or hack the mechs, friends did that Mr. Grrrr!" Stella says.

'The Hell kind of friends does she have?' Kazuma wonders as the guy on screen starts foaming in the corner of his mouth.

"Wait, wasn't this the guy that congratulated you for that?" Caelus asks.

"Don't remind me…the respect he showed me that day still makes me feel slimy…" March says.

"I'll make you feel slimier yet!" Skott says.

"You can't, that's my job!" Stella says, making March grimace.

"…I can respect eagerness, but that is simply crass." Da Vinci says.

"That's not what I-"

"Leave the dialogue to me Master…"

"You're right…no one will hear their screams!" Skott says as Grady raises his arms, a puff of smoke appearing some distance from the group as Skott and Grady emerge from the fumes.

Stella brings out her quill, Caelus his hat, and the others there weapons.

As Stella begins writing in the air, she vanishs.

Then do Caelus and March, followed by Dan and Cu.

Da Vinci gasps.

"A…multi faceted Reality Marble?!"

"You deduced the nature of my Noble Phantasm?!...No matter, even knowing it will not save you from the 'Silent Horror Picture-!" Grady falls to a knee when Artoria appears and cleaves through him. He looks at her with a smile.

"Show!"

Artoria vanishes and so do the others.

Skott laughs happily.

"My dream is within reach! And the fact they are all suffering makes it better!"

"Indeed! Let us celebrate with popcorn as we watch their suffering in their own personal Hells!"

===

'This is Hell…' Rin thinks as she looks over the details of the letter and their reparations.

10 million Eris, and loss of the manor until it is paid off.

"…Are they any jobs with high payouts?" Rin asks and Darkness smiles.

"That don't include dragons, hydras, or similarly huge monsters. I'm still only level 3 remember?"

Darkness frowns.

"Unfortunately those are the only ones with a significant pay…The rest are fine for daily expenses but…" Megumin trails off and Rin sighs in understanding.

"Let's….just start with some quests…Any more toad hunting?" Rin asks.

"That's usually common this time of year. Let's go to the guild." Aqua says and they head over to the guild to see Luna, the blonde receptionist of the guild, taking down posters.

When they get closer, they see it is for the toad hunting quest.

"Isn't there still a few more weeks until they go into hibernation?" Megumin asks.

"Yes, but they recently been displaying odd behaviors…notably an aversion to the color… red." Luna says before looking at Rin.

"Wait…you don't mean…"

"…They've been moving away from the neighboring area so there is no need for quests…Uh….congratulations?" Luna says with a smile while scratching her cheek.

The party is looking to the floor, their ennui renewed.

"…And I liked your idea of using bait too…" Megumin says.

"There has to be another quest we can do…" Rin says while looking at the board.

"Experiment for magical durability, no…Hydra returned to a lake, definitely no for now at least, internship at the succubi c- wait a minute, what the-?!" Rin rereads the last one in shock.

"This is just a job posting!"

"And one we cannot apply for…" Darkness says, pointing to a bit at the end, saying Arch priestesses, Arch-Wizards, Crusaders, and depraved Sword Masters in red need not apply.

"I wasn't going to apply, and I am not depraved!" Rin says while tearing the poster in half.

Luna calmly puts a new one up.

"There are gathering quests…including for a rare types of plants that only grow this month. I'm sure that can help you." She says while handing Rin a flier.

"Oh, thank you…but I have to ask, why the help?"

"I've known Kazuma and his party for awhile, and they helped us out of some bad situations…even if they did cause some of them, and I can kind of commiserate with you over a lack of options…" Luna says with a pained grin before going back to work.

'…Not sure what she means by that, but I'm not going to press her on it. For now let's go-oh my!' Rin looks at the poster more closely and nearly drops it.

5,000 Eris a herb.

4,200 for a bag full of grass

10,000 Eris for a mushroom.

Rin smiles along with Aqua, Darkness, and Megumin.

Then she frowns with one nagging revelation when she sees other groups avoid other copies of the quest on the board.

'…If this is such a lucrative quest, why is no one taking it?'

===

Billy finds himself shackled in a prison cell as a tray of food is slid his way.

It is a chuck of meat, burnt on one side, under cooked on the other, with a bit of mold on a corner. The mashed potatoes look lazily mashed with dark spots, and a cup of old, cold coffee.

"Enjoy your final meal, scumbag. Hangman's waiting for you."

===

Da Vinci is awake before the alarm rings. She waits a minute before shutting it off and going to begin her day.

A quick breakfast, shower, and overly strong cup of coffee that reminds her of something, but she is not sure what.

She shakes off the feeling and goes to work at the gas station, making sure to bring her warm coat for the cold winter day ahead of her of filling up people's cars.

===

Boothill walks down the hall on one foot, the other gone now, two gun barrels jabbing into his back until he is forced into a seat and strapped in. A feat proven oddly awkward since his cyborg arms were taken off, as well his lower mandible.

A headset is tied to his head and a paper with a script is presented for him to read from.

"Welcome to your first day in the IPC hotline."

Boothill would scream if that vocal function was available to him.

===

Himeko looks in vacant eyed horror at the ruins of the express before her now. The time she gave to repair undone in seconds, and she is stranded on desolate planet without anyone alive, and only with rusty metal parts and duct tape for her endeavor.

===

"Enjoy your stay, traitor." A jailor says before throwing Dan Heng inside.

"I am not Dan Feng! That was my past life, I am-" The click of a crossbow bolt aimed for his head silences him.

===

Stella runs down the alley way, the sound of a dozen skipping steps in wooden sandals not leaving her ears.

"Why the rush, Gray Hair? Don't you want to play a little longer? It's not like you can escape~."

===

Caelus is unable to stop himself from swinging his bat into Pom Pom's face.

A voice resonates in his head, the words foreign, but the meaning clear enough.

"Good…now the rest…as per my will." Nanook says in monotone.

===

The priest smiles his lightless smile as Cu returns, a fresh coat of blood on his spear.

"What do you have to report, Child of Light?"

===

"Wow…some are dark, and March 7th's is missing, but seeing them squirm is so delightful!" Skott says.

"To be expected Master, my Noble Phantasm gives me pertinent biographical information, thus allowing me construct the ultimate personal horror experience! I believe a term for it 'Reality Marble' but I believe mine has more nuance…That said, I am disturbed that the pink haired one is…missing…I'll find her later, for now onto the next one!" Grady says as Skott takes a sip of Soul Glad soda.

On the screen is Medea Lily, covered in blood, standing over two small cloth covered bodies, still smiling the same sweet smile before laughing happily.

"Oh thank goodness! I thought it would be so much worse…at least Jason is still alive…by the way…" She trails off before looking right at Skott and Grady.

"How much longer are you going to keep me here you dilettante of a Caster?"

Skott stops sipping and Grady pales before coughing into a fist and changing the channel.

"There's something deeply wrong with that one…" Grady mutters, making a note to change aspects of her filming experience before gasping at the sight that is on the screen.

===

"So…any of you know what these plants and herbs do to get such a high price tag?" Rin asks the trio.

"I do not." Darkness says.

"I've seen a similar grass like this back home but…" Megumin takes a bit of grass and chews on it before spitting it out.

"Different kind, too sweet..."

"You didn't know about them when you took the quest?"

"I was looking at the reward value…"

"How greedy…but I can't fault you for that yet. As for the grass and herbs, they are highly sought after by chefs and potion makers for both their taste and calming effects."

"And why is the herb that is worth twice as much?" Rin asks.

"Basically magical pot…but I don't think that's why it was so valuable." Aqua says and Rin drops her bag of herbs.

"…I'm in debt to succubi, had my reputation ruined upon arrival, and have become a drug mule to get out of said debt…how can bs second life get any worse?"

"But you ruined your reputation all on your own." Aqua says, and Rin raises a glowing fist, only stopping when a loud roar is heard nearby, making all four women freeze.

"…What was that?" Rin asks.

"I…Oh no…" Aqua mutters as Megumin looks over the poster and turns it over, her pale cheeks hitting a new shade of white.

"…We're in Rookie Killer territory…"

"Amazing~!" Darkness pants out as two giant black cat like monsters emerge.

"I don't suppose you know lurk?" Aqua asks and Rin remains silent.

"We should-" Aqua stops when she sees Rin smiling.

"…How much are the skins of these glorified house cats worth?" Rin asks with a glint in her eye as she raises her sword.

'Oh my me, she's crazy with greed…'

===

"Who's Hell is this? The blonde knight's or that other guy?" Skott asks.

"…I do not know. They are both here."

"What? But I thought your Noble Phantasm separated people? A 'divide and conquer' thing!"

"It does…but it still allows for the spirit of resistance, so person's with exceptional will who also know it is an illusion can fight back…or if they possess exceptional luck."

"…Is the Saber class known for it's luck?"

"Some are, but I suspect her magical resistance is playing a part too…and the fact she has reunited with someone is proof of that…but that doesn't explain the young man, he is not a-" Grady says before seeing the blonde knight raise her sword at the young man in green.

===

'So…this is my personal Hell?' Artoria and Kazuma think while looking at the other.

Then Artoria raises her blade.

"I'm not a figment of your imagination." Kazuma says while raising a hand towards Artoria.

"Sounds like something a fledgling night terror would say." Artoria says, tightening the grip on her hilt.

"Now I know it's the actual Artoria. No film director could get that pompous tone down pat."

"Oh, it is you…" Artoria says, blade still raised as she considers the situation.

Then laughter rings out. They both look to the side and see a twin tailed girl in red with a mask on the side of her head approach with a skip.

"My apologies, I didn't expect to meet anyone else in this not so grand illusion. Least of all two who want to kill each other."

"Who are you?" Artoria asks with a frown.

'Great, another dark haired girl in red with twin tails…' Artoria thinks.

"Just a friendly passerby caught up in this…Grail War, was it?"

"If that's the case, then why are you here?" Kazuma asks, making the girl tilt her head.

"You don't know? I suppose not…you seem…to be from far away like blondy here. Come take a look at this." The young woman says, gesturing to some TVs behind a glass. On the screen are the other members of the Express and other random people in various scenes of terror and despair.

"What in the- Is this…a Noble Phantasm?" Artoria asks.

"Nothing noble about it…Seems the author of this little thing has people trapped in a little reality of their own."

"Then why are we unaffected? Her I get, but you and me?" Kazuma asks.

The young woman tilts her head.

"…What is your path?"

"What kind of question is- wait…" Kazuma recalls something upon his arrival.

"I…think I am on Elation?"

"That explains it." The woman says with a big smile, drawing puzzled looks from Artoria and Kazuma.

"Each Path manifests itself differently in each person, but they all typical become stronger than the average person as well as a few little perks…One of Elation's perks is a fair bit of resistance to illusions and other mental trappings like this; Harmony too." The woman says before showing her phone, showing her own path.

They also see Command Seals on her hand, prompting both Kazuma and Artoria to take a step back.

She giggles.

"Oh relax, if I wanted to hurt you, I wouldn't have explained that, now would I? Besides, my Servant seems as vulnerable to this Noble Phantasm so I would need to burn a seal to get him out, and I am unsure he would stay out, so I suspect need your help as much as you need mine."

"That…is fair…but what is your name?" Kazuma asks

"You can call me Sparkle~."

===

Rin returns to Axel standing on top of the two bodies of the Rookie Killers as Darkness pulls the cart with a smile.

It took a lot of convincing to make Darkness not put the horse bit in her mouth.

'My luck is turning around…16 herbs, 10 grass bundles, and 50 mushrooms equals a million! And that is before whatever amount these things will bring in! Not to mention the complete reversal of my reputation now!' Rin thinks with a smile as she hops down and finalizes the quest, smiling with full radiance at hearing each Rookie Killer is worth a million.

'3 million in one day! We should go hunting these things again! We can ay this debt off in a week before any interest incurs!'

"Excuse me!" A young man with dark hair in armor waves at her, two women following alongside him.

"Yes?"

"Are you the one that killed those Rookie Killers?"

"It was a party effort, but yes."

"Amazing…to be a Sword Master and able to vanquish such a monster already…Would you consider joining my party? My name is Kyouya Mitsurugi."

===In another timeline===

Emiya blows into the harmonica, making the guard at the front bang his head on the desk before walking over.

"This is…the 19th time today."

"Won't be a 20th if you let us out." Emiya says before continuing to badly play a blues tune before it is taken again.

"Do you really need to trouble the guards so? They are just doing their job." Shirou Kotomine asks.

"So were we."

"…I am mostly certain I stabbed Darnic for joyful reasons."

"Mostly certain?" Emiya asks with a smirk.

"I am trying to maintain some level of-" Shirou stops when a Darnic looking doll is thrown his way.

"…Do you really think I would just grab that?"

"What if I told you I dabbled a bit in voodoo and the real Darnic would feel every stab and twist?"

"I wouldn't believe you. If you could do that, then why all the swords and arrows?"

"Only works if I know the target to a certain level. Usually don't have the time so an arrow to the heart suffices."

"…So why didn't you use it on yourself?"

"Because it would also affect me, and in most cases the other me has Avalon, giving him increased healing. But the real question is, does it actually affect Darnic?" Emiya asks with a grin before tracing another harmonica.

The guard up front sighs as a rip appears in front of him.

"Hello again! It's me, A-"

"I don't care who you claim to be, I am not taking the word of an inter-dimensional rip in the air to let two murders out of my jail! Especially one that uses Eris as a character witness!" The guard shouts before feeling his blood pressure with the sound of another harmonica playing.

Then a bag of money lands on his desk.

"…Did you actually get bail money for those two?"

"Yes!"

"How?"

"I got it from a corrupt bank that was going out of business soon! There's also a little extra for your early retirement~." Alaya says with lilt. The guard was about to deny taking such a blatant bribe until another misplayed note is heard.

He leaves the cell keys on the desk and takes the money.

Cu-nosuba: God’s Blessing on This Lancer’s Holy Grail War!

More options

Recent threadmarks

Davos

laxing0@gmail

alextheconqueror

Versed in the lewd.

Davos

laxing0@gmail

alextheconqueror

Versed in the lewd.

Davos

laxing0@gmail

Recent threadmarks

Users who are viewing this thread