Gaming Stories, Video and Tabletop

The Gnome was apparently joking about the love interest part, but I'm not entirely sure because he seems to forget entire sessions.

As for the Wizard, I don't the the GM realized that he made a manipulative cultist who used the party to gain access to a magical artifact that would allow her access to one of the God weapons she worshipped by manipulating them into securing it and running off with the person who technically is the protector who is now locked into clinical depression due to his life being destroyed.

 

funnily enough, this is the campaign where I had wanted to play a reasonable person

GM: *dice rolls give me traumatizing back stories* Um

Me: I can work with this

GM: *first several sessions make it clear that the country is corrupt and has not actually changed all that much*

Me: Ah, so my motivation is changing this place-

GM: *reveals that the clergy is so inept that a cathedral city was besieged by hobgoblins of a blatantly antagonistic god who were legally allowed to force everyone to pay tolls or be killed*

Me: He has no respect for any of the authorities now.

GM: *reveals that the nobles who had been working for the evil ex-emperor are still around, have not been punished, and are actively trying to kill me. people who were exiled previously have not been reintegrated into society at all*

Me: So, everything my character was forced to work for and got shanghaied into military service for....amounted to nothing.

First campaign, wanted to go full crazy but went to chaotic neutral instead of neutral evil due to the crazy of others

Second campaign, wanted to be a religious zealot priest, most of this ended up being dragging the others along with the plot due to the cleric not being a good priest, and Sword being even more toxic to the party than before. Still managed to get in the "God will sort them out" and inquisitor stuff I had wanted, but my character was slowly being driven to insanity over time.

Third Campaign, *current one*, wanted to have a heroic character whose most unnecessarily evil thing was using prestidigitation to make people look silly, ended up with a war scarred veteran who decided that peace and order were necessary by any means necessary as every authority fucked EVERYTHING up

When the druid who used to be in charge of the idol we are currently taking care of was told what was happening repeatedly, she did nothing and was friendly talking to the people who were going to steal the idol

Me: She is doing nothing, okay then. My summon will distract them, I need to go drag the young druid away from the city and hide the damn thing

Warlord: Why?

Me: BECAUSE WE JUST SAVED THE DAMN THING and it being stolen right after makes us look bad. I am done with this village.

in general, my crazy is. What would the character I am playing, with his backstory, and the situation he is in, do?

Orphaned Changeling with no idea what he is, desperately look for knowledge then latch on to the creator of his people and do whatever it is she says.

Celestial Blooded Yuanti Inquisitor, enforce the religious laws and point to any secular laws broken to the authorities. If people choose to live under the will of a Beholder and had a way to leave without being noticed, then they have chosen not to have the succor of law, and the clergy. So if anything bad happens to them I have no concern.

War Veteran (I had not wanted to be in the war and it was dice rolls which said so) Summoner who got poisoned for over a year in an adventure. Cautious and saves money so he can do the things he likes. *Repeatedly gets it hammered on his head that the world is shit* Well, time to pledge myself to Hextor, because right now they are the only ones who say reasonable things.

I also make it very clear that my current character's goals are almost always tied to money if they are not about order. I will do anything to achieve that, but will try to avoid breaking the laws while do so. Unless the benefit is way too high

*sees a siege about to happen due to the evil guy who has broken the law while trying to kill us.*

Me: Let's make sure it happens.

*has to find spies but we can't find them*

Me: I'll just enrage them

Warlord: Just kill cats, they worship them

Me: Then I'll start killing all the strays I can find

Warlord: Wait what? I was joking

Me: about them being pissed off by dead cat?

Warlord: No, that is true. but why would you do that?

Me: If we can't find them, make them go to a place of our choosing. like a town square full of dead cats and a message framing them for it.

*said plan worked*

Warlord: Why did you do this?

Me: We got chased through the mountains, cursed, hunted down like dogs by a giant mecha golem, haunted by ghosts, and framed for crimes because of the alliance between a nobleman and these people.

Warlord: You could have killed cats in a pet store or in homes or something

Me: That would be killing other people's cats.

Warlord: It is not that much worse

Me: I'd be needlessly antagonizing people other than the ones I hate, plus that is an actual crime that people might be able to stick on me

Warlord:...yeah, animal abuse would probably not be a crime in this setting.

 

Question, was this setting actually planned as one in which the authorities fail, or is that and your backstory a happy accident that just fits well with how you roleplay?

 

The GM has not expected it and the backstory is from dice rolls

Me: wait, these people were exiled from the cities and had a farm did they not pay taxes? Because an asshole emperor would not stop the taxes

GM: they were taxed

Me: so did they not hear about the war or change when the tax collector came later? Because it has been too years. Or is the current administration just shitty?

Warlord: Did they not get taxed for two years

GM:...They just thought the tax collector forgot to come

Me: I’d have thought that people who got exiled would be used as propaganda as to why the new one is better. The boy king continues to disappoint me.

So in the past 4 years I have played a complete outlaw who tries to stay anonymous through using multiple identity, part of the authority, and a person who wants to become the authority due to corruption and incompetence

 

So, happy accident, of a sort. I understood about the background for your character, I just phrased that part poorly.

Still, this general outline sounds like it could have come about on purpose (given the right gm/author) with some good courtly intrigue to make the politics work. Not that I don't expect things to go crazy, because, well, all of your other posts in this thread.

Still, that all of this happened, one thing after another while trying to do something else, is fascinating.

 

Gnome is apparently the princess of the entire Gnome species.

Everything is so much better.

edit

Me: Oh, so I need to become your advisor

Gnome: Why do you want power

Warlord: Why does a man breathe?

edit

Me: *sees enemy paladin general outside camp* I am going to kidnap him. *only me and an NPC are there as the others leave*

Me: *uses smite and double attack to take him down to 1 hp*

NPC Fighter controlled by warlord: *knocks him out with a great club*

Me: *realizes we are dressed as part of the enemy army which is composed of 2 factions which are already fractious and close to fighting* Your commander is weak, Udrua will not follow him. *Runs off after bloodying the two guards with the man.*

Me: I did not expect this to go so well.

Enemy Paladin is the adopted son of the evil noble we are fighting, gives a sob story

Warlord: You really should be telling this to our boss the Lord

GM: He is telling it to all of you

Me: I don't think he understands that we don't care about his sob story.

GM: Well yeah, he is a paladin so he'd be telling you anyways. He was on the street and the Duke adopted him

Me: Oh. he is the son. Well, you should swear oaths to us and the Lord of the City, then take control of the army.

Paladin: What? Well, I will swear. Don't worry, I won't be an oathbreaker. I had suspicions that my father was doing something wrong, and I will not help him. Anyways, I did not expect this to happen when I went out to take a piss.

Warlord: And take control of the army.

Me: Yes, we didn't kidnap you. we saved you

GM: What?

Me: See, obviously. what happened is that the Duke has been led astray. we already captured the wizard. obviously he has been mind controlling the Duke into betraying his nation. You had suspicions and told us of the passage to your camp, allowing us to defeat and capture the wizard controlling your father. And had to fake a kidnapping, going off with witnesses while claiming you had to pee, and going along with us inn the guise of a kidnapping so you can proclaim what is going on.

Warlord: And then your father doesn't have to die

Me: Yes, he will be stripped of his titles as we cannot be sure if all of the mind control is gone. and you will receive them all, after swearing your vows in front of everyone with priests to officiate.

Warlord: And the worst your father can do now is leech off of someone else.

GM: I had expected this to be you guys going into the camp to fight his dad and him being hesitant to fight you, but this is better. Anyways, the dukedome is overrun with Udruans

Me: So. We have a puppet duke, and now we can spread tales of how the Sorcerer Gnome princess is conquering Udrua, since we will be hired in the fight against the invading nation, and then we invade Udrua when the dukedome is cleansed.

Warlord: I don't think Gnome wants to do that

Me: That doesn't matter, I will spread tales of the princess doing that. young gnomes will join the war effort, and the Gnome nation will be pressured into joining us.
​

 

Me: preparing a oneshot for mutants and masterminds

Fixer/Warlord: *Makes billionaire mage doctor who creates Pokemon for money*

Me: Most of your minions don't have defenses, or attack skills

Fixer/Warlord: Oh wait, yeah. I think I'm going to make these guys have a lot of cones and AOE to get around the one. on defenses, only one is really important, and that is to be a tank for me.

Me: So your movement is going to be through a griffon minion

Fixer/Warlord: Yes

Me: Who can go down in one hit.

Fixer/Warlord: *trying to rearrange his minion stats*

Medtech: *makes a knight with a 39 point array*

Me: So, since you have zero dex you probably want one of those to be perception damage

Medtech: is it like strength damage?

Me: It is about range not effect

Medtech: So it is strength?

Me:...how?

despite this, he ended up with an effective array. (Str based damage sword tied to burst area fire damage. Spear that does affliction, weaken, and damage all at once. Multiattack knives that reduce parry, perception bow damage, burst move area, and a cone will damage attack

 

So this is more about the GM than the players, but I was playing in a Homebrew D&D 5e game that ended two day ago. The final boss was a false god who was a Fiend and a Celestial. This was because she stole one wing off a Solar(stupidly powerful angel for those who don't know D&D) and the other she somehow stole off Asmodeus(the King of Hell).

 

I want to call bullshit on someone managing that without a good long explanation.

or Asmodeus plotting something.

 

I don't know how she did it, but near the end of the fight an avatar of Asmodeus with only one wing showed up and asked us to return the wing after we killed the God-Queen.

 

what level were you...because damn

 

Level 10, with 7 of our 8 party members there. The queen wasn't at her full power though as we had used a ritual taught to us by the old gods of the country to weaken her.

 

continuing this

Rocker/Gnome: *evenntually makes a guy who is permenantly fused to armor that gives him impenetrable toughness 15 and regeneration 10. also has infrared vision that can see through walls and an array of guns altered by the suit's alien technology along with a bike with the same explanation for why it has powers* I need a backstory for this guy

Me: He is an experiment by the darkstars in making new suits

Rocker/Gnome: *looks up Darkstars* It seems like someone really liked them for a while, and then they didn't really do much

Me: Which is why them experimenting makes sense

Rocker/Gnome: Yeah, I'm just a guy in a suit and I'm stuck with it because I don't know how to turn it off.

 

Vampire continues to have epic fails. Tremere wasn't there and I think that is part of why it went horribly

Spoiler

Me: Okay, so. Gangrel, we are going over what has been going on with you?

Gangrel: What?

Me: You have been locked at your sire's home

Gangrel: My vampire dad

Me: Yes, and he has a room for you. he is sitting there with a giant iron nail file in one hand. he tosses it on the ground next to you. "To avoid a masquerade breach by ANYONE seeing you like this, you have to file those off" He points at the buffalo horns growing out of your head

Gangrel: File them down

Me: Off, he wants you to start at the base and saw it off with the file

Gangrel: I thought they were antlers

Me: Let's just go with buffalo horns

Gangrel: Can't I wear a hat that makes them look like they are from the hat?

Me:....How would they fit through?

Gangrel: *Starts sawing them off*

Me: and your sire lets you keep the file as you will have to do this each night as they regrow when you sleep

Gangrel: Ow

Me: So, how do you get to Hammond

Gangrel: A person?

Me: The city

Gangrel: Why?

Me: Because of the guy running a drug operation which revolves around draining vampires of their blood forcibly as he tries to make a ghoul army

Gangrel: And I care because?

Me: You burned down a building, nearly caused a masquerade breach, frenzied, lost your home, and both your sire and Prince want prove that you can be a member of vampire of society that doesn't need to get hunted down like a dog and killed.

Gangrel: Oh, well can I walk?

Me: It takes three or more hours walking in good weather, and right now it is the dead of winter so it takes longer. also there are werewolves and other threats that could catch you

Gangrel: Can i do the thing that lets me sink into the earth then move really fast?

Me: No, it lets you merge with that plot of land and stay there unless someone starts digging. You can't move while like that.

Gangrel:...I go to my sire for money

Me: He wants you to prove that you can be an adult, he isn't giving you money.

Gangrel:...how do i get there?

Me: You could steal a car or try to hop on the train and hide like a hobo

Gangrel: I could ask for a test drive and just go

Me: You are in Gary, Indiana and look like a young man. they aren't going to let you do that because they know better.

Gangrel: Huh, I could try hot-wiring a car

Me: Do you have technology?

Gangrel: No

Me: So, what can you do with the skills you have?

Gangrel: I go to the train station

Me: Roll 1d10

Gangrel: nat 1

Lasombra: Oh

Me: There is a train, it is moving fast

Gangrel: I reach my hand out and grab on

Me: Do you want to lose that arm?

Gangrel: It'd be fine

Me: No, no it wouldn't

Gangrel: How do I get on then?

Me: You could try running and jumping into an open one or climbing to the overpass and jumping on from above

Gangrel: I'll do the latter

Me: Roll athletics

Gangrel: Botch with four 1s

Me:..So, you jump and hit face first taking 10d10 dice of bashing damage. do you want to use fortitude?

Gangrel: *nearly fills out half his bashing damage track* ow, I belly flop on

Me: Yes, and you can see things like signs and low hanging underpasses that make you realize you do not want to be on top of this

Gangrel: Can I get in?

Me: Athletics

Gangrel: *succeeds in getting a handhold on the side*

Me: 1d10

Gangrel: 4

Me: The boxcar is closed, do you want to try to open it? Or shimmy over to the next one

Gangrel: *goes to the next one and drops into a boxcar that has a hobo in it*

Me: The hobo looks at you and laughs

Gangrel: I laugh

Me: He speaks to you in Hindi

Gangrel: Cool. I talk to my bird

Me: So you need to roll for animalism and use blood?

Gangrel: I have to use blood?

Me: All powers run on blood. Also you are physically speaking in caws in stuff

Gangrel: Okay, i do that and ask him what he thinks

Me: He hates this and all the danger he gets into due to you

Gangrel: Well, he didn't complain before

Me: He says that is only because you don't understand him without using your powers

Gangrel: Well he didn't help before

Me: He says he told you that spirits and evil stuff was going on, but you didn't listen.

Gangrel: Huh, did you become smarter when I fed you blood.

Me:...Eventually the Hobo looks at you and says. "What family?" Do you want to roll anything?

Gangrel: Huh

Hobo: What family?

Gangrel: I don't have one

Hobo: Oh no, you do not want to be one of those. You will die horribly. What family?

Gangrel: All of mine are dead, I don't know what you are talking about

Hobo: *gets up* what family?

Gangrel: Mafia family, I'm not in one of those

Me: Roll to dodge

Gangrel: *fail*

Me: And he is rolling *looks at difference* 8d10 damage on you *gets 7 successes and most get through Gangrel's soak* And he punches you so hard you feel several ribs break

Gangrel: He hits like a train

Me: Yes, and he grabs you by the throat, lifting you up and leaning out so you are hanging out of the boxcar, he cranes your head up and says "Do you see it, the Red Star?"

Gangrel: Is he a werewolf?

Me: Worse, he is a Ravnos

Lasombra: Oh God, the Hindi should have been a hint

Hobo: Do you see the star, the star of my ancestor? Now, what family?

Me: He is talking about your vampire clan

Gangrel: I don't know

Me: *stare at him when he is reminded EVERY session*

Hobo: What is the power of your blood? What Antedeluvian's blood animates your body

Gangrel: I don't have a clue

Me: Are you lying?

Gangrel: No

Me:....You are a Gangrel that is why you can shapeshift, your sire told you last time that Ennoia is your Antedeluvian

Gangrel: I'm a gangrel

Ravnos Hobo: Oh, well, we have been tied in blood you and me. You see that, that star is was made by my ancestor. He and yours were close once, made many vampires together and lived like one family. Then they had a falling out, no one knows for sure why or who did what, but claws came out, blood flowed, and curses filled the air. That is part of why we are the way we are

Gangrel: I thought God cursed us

Ravnos Hobo: God, Lilith, Cain, and the Antedeluvians all had curses for us and each other. Now, that star was made by the Antedeluvian, and is a sign of him slowly awakening, and when he rises, we are doomed. Everyone shall be devoured, and our clans are on the shortlist. Maybe he will kill the Kuei-Jin first, or he will be killing them while guzzling us like Koolaide packs

Gangrel: Why does it seem like my life as a vampire just includes lots of me being beaten up or killed? I shouldn't have become one.

Ravnos Hobo: Oh no, you could still be killed by werewolves, demons, ghosts, possessed by a spirit, killed in some experiment by a mage, or die and become a ghost. where you could be turned into a weapon by another ghost, still aware and screaming as you cut into other ghosts. Or even worse, a bullet that is shot through one and sits somewhere in the afterlife, stuck there forever

Gangrel: Why is everything horrible?

Ravnos Hobo: God likes sick jokes? Anyways, be like me. Just find out how to be the boot stomping on other people's faces, and recognize whose boot could be on yours. avoid it, and maybe lick it

Gangrel: That might actually be a good idea, bootlicking

Ravnos Hobo: *Eventually jumps out right before the get to Gary, but tosses Gangrel a Sabbat Necklace*

Gangrel: I have no idea what this is *fails occult* and neither does my character

Me: are you going to try to heal?

Gangrel: *is down to 2 blood*

Me: You are very hungry

And, as it turns out, Gangrel somehow thought that feeding off of humans would turn them into vampires

Me: The first session had Lasombra feeding on a hobo. every session has had at least one person feeding on a human

Lasombra: I don't, ugh.

Me: Lasombra, where are you staying? The casino hotel?

Lasombra: Yeah, probably

Me: *puts in the icon of Caesar's Palace's owner from Cyberpunk* this man appears, takes Tremere by the hand, and leads her off saying he wants her to make a dress for his wife. which is how we will explain her absence. Could you use awareness

Lasombra; *success*

Me: He unnervingly has a similar aura to that of true faith, but different and doesn't seem to harm Tremere

Lasombra: I guess look for Gangrel

Me: Investigation

Lasombra: *a lot of tens*

Me: Gangrel, are you looking for prey?

Gangrel: Yes

Me: Roll alertness+wits

Gangrel: What's alertness

Me:...it is basically perception in most other games

Gangrel: Wouldn't it be awareness

Me: No, awareness is supernatural observation alertness is physical, investigation is detective work. I've been over this and everyone else has been using the other two while I've explained them multiple times. You have been there for a lot of them

Gangrel: Awareness sounds like it would be what I roll

Me: No, you are looking for a person. Roll alterness

Gangrel: *finds an old lady alone by the pier, critically fumbles stealth roll after assuming he could just sneak up on her without rolling*

Me: So, you stand next to her, take her by the shoulder, and ask how you are doing?

Gangrel: I wouldn't do that

Me: You critically fumbled. She looks at you, and says she wants to kill herself. you can see that there is a concrete block next to her

Gangrel: Eh

Me: She picks up the block, do you do anything?

Gangrel: Well, I could feed after she's dead right

Me: She is about to throw herself into the ocean

Gangrel: *succeed's athletics check to stop her

Me: You are holding the old lady, she. stares at you. "Why won't you just let me die?"

Gangrel: Aaaaah,

Lasombra: Just feed

Me: Humans tend to have 4-5 blood points

Gangrel: So i drink five

Me: So she'd be at zero and dead

Gangrel: and that is bad

Me:...LOOK AT YOUR PATH VIRTUES SINS AND COMMANDMENTS, yes yes it is

Gangrel: But I'm not on the path of humanity

Me: Yes, and your path includes that killing your prey when they could live and provide more blood later on is what you should do

Gangrel: eeeeh

Me: I went over these paths with you guys during character creation and asked you, do you really want to follow them. Both of you said yes.

Gangrel: I think I just don't understand it

Me:...it is spelled out on your character sheet

Gangrel; Well, what will happen when I'm done? Wont' she freak out? What will the cops think?

Me: No, she will be thinking that she had a wonderful time with a strapping young black man who took her into his arms as she tried to kill herself and gave her a night of passion

Lasombra: Why do you think Tremere and the rest of us just feed at strip clubs?

Gangrel: *feeds, decides not to get any more blood from elsewhere, and leaves the old lady at a bus station*

Me: And that is when Lasombra shows up

Gangrel: How?

Lasombra: I am a detective

*fills Gangrel in on everything that happened*

Me: Okay, so what are you going to do?

Lasombra: Um...I don't know

Gangrel: NNo clue

Me, *Takes a hold of NPC Caitiff*: Claudette says that the group should probably look at the library or other place with public records for whoever legally owns the warehouse full of sealed-up vampires

Lasombra: Oh, that is a good idea. *goes there and botches investigation*

Everyone:...

Lasombra; What happens?

Me: You are looking, but you get distracted as you keep seeing the guy from Caesar's Palace, at least someone with his mask and approximate dress style. He is in practically every photo or drawing of important points in Hammond's history. There are mentions of him being involved in every institution. There is a painting of the opening of the school run by the convent where he is in the background giving a shoulder hug to a nun. There are a lot of politicians where he is in the rows of financial supporters and the like. The hospitals were all funded or built by him. Just soon you get distracted and try to just focus on this, but you don't absorb information you just see him over and over and over again.

Lasomnbra:...I'm going to have my ghoul roll *botch*

Me: She is having the same problem and the two of you soon end up at the same table, pouring open file boxes and searching through them for more images of him. the two of you find yourselves lost for hours as you go mad. You start to see things in the background, spirits that are screaming, some of which are not human and you are pretty sure they are either bound or being devoured by him

Lasombra; What the fuck is going on? I roll occult *some success*

Me: You know vaguely about Wyrm spirits, which are the things which werewolves hate and say vampires either are or are related to. You know that there is one specific one called the Wyrm of Corruption which is like Satan, or actually is Satan

Lasombra: Wyrm with a y

Me; Yes

Lasombra:...What the fuck is going on?

Me: Gangrel, do you want to make an int roll?

Gangrel: *1 success*

Me: Gangrel, you find records of Divine Industries, which supposedly own that warehouse, an office building, and an oil rig that has been turned into a facility for undefined science. Then you walk over and see Lasombra and his ghoul going insane

Lasombra: Oh, uh. Huh, I see you found that. Not sure what to do now

Me:...

Gangrel: Well, what are we supposed to do

Me:...

Lasombra: I'm not sure what else we can look for. Maybe go back to the warehouse?

Me: The one where you saw a Setite and ran away screaming from after lots of people died.

Lasombra; Right

Gangrel: And Juggler makes zombies?

Me: No

Lasombra: I think you are thinking of the mage

Me as Claudette: Tremere destroyed his legs and we gave him to the Prince

Lasombra: I'm not sure where Juggler is involved

Me as Claudette: Domination, Blood Bonds, Presence, and more to control the people running the company

Lasombra: Oh right. So, I guess we should investigate. Let's go to the office building.

Me: Okay, what do you plan on doing?

Lasombra: Sneak in?

Me: How? Are you climbing or having just Gangrel climb up to a window, trying to find a door

Lasombra: Back door

Me: You see the back door, it has two guards with guns and armor standing in front

Lasombra: Why would they have guards?

Me: ...Everything that happened last session and being possibly run by a vampire

Gangrel: Oh

Lasombra: So, we sneak in

Me: How?

Lasombra: Not sure


Gangrel: I have my bird distract them

Me: *rolls alertness and firearms* one of the guards looks up, sees, the bird, shoots it twice, and the bird falls onto a nearby car, crawling as it has been put into critical and uses all its vitae points to heal

Gangrel: Why would they shoot a bird?

Me: You hear one of them say. "Why do people have crows?" and the other says. "I think those things use them for something"

Gangrel: I guess they are right

Lasombra: Wait, they know?

Me: You don't know if they are ghouls, dominated, or something else.

Gangrel: Just, they shot a random bird

Me: They shot a big ass crow that cawed at them and tried to lead them away after a warehouse related to them was shot up by gangsters and you guys. Which one of their vampire overlords saw.

Lasombra: Oh right

Me: and what do you do?

Lasombra: Stealth

*Only the NPC ghoul hitman rolls well, everyone else is seen by the guards while Claudette stands back because celerity*

Me: So, the guards see everyone but your Revenant ghoul, point their guns at you and say "Papers please." We end there with a smash cut.

 

I have a feeling there is going to be a total party wipe soon. Rocker/gnome/gangrel is of no help whatsoever. Anything positive that is gotten out of him is outweighed by the negative of the effort of trying to make him actually play decently.

Not that the others are great but, damn, gangrel sounds hard to play with.

 

I think that a lot of it is him not comprehending the situation he is in

a hunter has taken pictures of him

Gangrel: I can hide from a person who spends his entire life hunting monsters. That is easier than trying to fight him

Zombies attacking his shed

Gangrel: The roof is the obvious answer so I will dig

Zombies in the forest

Gangrel: I should run in the forest

Zombies running at the 7-11

Gangrel: I will wait and see what the cashier will do to try and kill a zombie, then eat him

The cashier is preparing a fire

Gangrel: I can handle that

A man is asking which family he is in, insisting upon it and hinting that he knows what vampires are

Gangrel: He isn't a threat

There are guards on alert at the door of a building owned by a vampire that is mass producing vitae for ghouls, they have guns and armor

Gangrel: We can just sneak past them

...That last one is Lasombra's fault as well. Given that they thought that they could sneak past people in front of a door without being seen or take them out without some kind of alarm going off.

At best the police get called if they manage to kill the guards

 

Me: *having my joke isekaied DnD character roll practice on his new weapons*

Adamantine Greatclub: Nat 1 on to hit and damage.

Everyone: *stare*

*Walks over to Elf store which turns out to have Japanese Aesthetic and are talking about how they are the greatest*

Me: What did we do? Did someone turn into an elf and infiltrate them or something much worse?

Elf Blacksmith: Do you desire to use one of the greatest blades in the realms

Me: *Rolls 28 on first trial on a +1 katana*

Me:...

GM:...

Me: *Internally screaming while crying on the outside*

GM: The blacksmith is crying due to how moving that strike was and your clear appreciation of his culture.

Me: I don't want to be in this kind of setting. Please don't let it be black.

GM: It's not.

Me: My character believes that there is clearly some god fucking with him right now.

Gnome: *Starts messing around with wakisashis and tantos*

Also

Half Elf: Wait a second, you are going to die of old age way before us.

Gnome: Oh right, I can live to like 500

Me: You guys never realized that? Anyways, I'm a paladin. Weird stuff might happen to me.

Half Elf: The dog might live longer than you. *The party has adopted a divinely blessed dog paladin and Half-Elf declared that he would get into a legal battle over custody against another person who wanted it*

 

Has it occured to you to ask if another person was isekai'd in the past like your character was and they shaped weeb elf culture? I mean, you put down that you asked if it was one of you guys or someone else infiltrating them, but like, there is precedent for where the GM may have came up with this beyond that.

Or maybe a Bard cast Glibness and bluffed every (now) weeb elf into believing they are weebs.

 

An assassin/monk from a nomadic culture ran at me and did flurry of blows while going MUDAMUDAMUDA

this has apparently happened, but the gods don't seem to have noticed as a talk with a god revealed that they didn't know about Japanese deities.

 

Hmm, perhaps instead of Japanese gods, you should ask about anime gods? Haruhi, Madoka, Aqua, maybe some anime gods with the same or similar names to mythological gods: Eris, Othinus, Hestia, Loki, Freya and so on and so forth.

 

We also have a base of operations now

Me: stonemason, carpenter, and cartographer tools

Npc Warforged: Smith, tinker, and calligrapher tools

Gnome: tinker

Half Elf: poisoner and thieves tools

Me: I think we can build a fortress and traps if given the money

 

In the prepwork for my player's one shot for Mutants and Masterminds (Set in DC New York)

Me: Okay, so what is your motivation

Medtech/Knight: Chivalry

Rocker/Darkstar: Patriotism

Me: Okay, your complication

Medtech/Knight: I guess relationship. Like I came over from Avalon and looked for descendants of the round table

Me: So King Arthur's descendant, who is your cousin I guess. Do they know you are magic

Medtech/Knight: No

Me: Okay, is it the one or a group.

Medtech/Knight: Like maybe a group of friends and one other descendant, not sure who. I'm not that familiar with Arthurian Mythology

Me: Bedivere's

Medtech/Knight: Yeah, so it is like a trio plus other friends

Me:...

Medtech/Knight: That is what it was in Arthurian Mythology wasn't it

Me: Pretty much

Knight: So I guess I'm a college student, not sure what I'd be studying (Looks at skills, his highest ones are insight and magic) business?

Me: Mythology

Knight: A mythology program?

Me: Diana and Aquaman are descendants of Greek Gods and are public figures, everybody knows about Atlantis and Dr. Fate has been around for over a hundred years and blasted people with distilled law while fighting demonns.

Knight: Oh right.

Me: I'll just assume they are an occult club and you are hiding your identity while trying to keep them from getting killed

Knight: That works.

Me: ...Your character must have had such a weird time when you came over. "Wait, you people don't have happiness as an ingredient in food."

Knight: Just corporate greed and despair

Me: You might be able to taste that due to being half fey and just shrug while going "This is fine."

Knight: What exactly is Avalon

Darkstar: Isn't that Fable, idealized mythological Britain.

Me: That's Albion. Avalon is like heaven-lite where almost all the population including animals are fey. And it is ruled by Morgan....huh, you could probable get immortality for one point per rank later by having it be that you just need your body shipped back home to get healed from your mortal wounds. Also 1 point for an array on your teleport ability to just make a portal home with that belt you have (He has a magic belt that lets him teleport)

Knight: *making notes on how to have comic book immortality that makes sense*

Darkstar: I'm not sure what my complication would be, maybe I have a bad reputation because people always go "What if he goes nuclear, how can we trust this guy?"

Me: Eh.

Darkstar: *looking through possible complications* Maybe I am starting to rethink my allegiances and don't think the military is doing the right thing.

Me: Wait, so you want to be in the military?

Darkstar: Yeah

Me: Maybe relationship support team. Like, you are constantly going to get checkups because you have regen and basically transform when you activate your abilities and they are checking to make sure just what exactly is going on when you regenerate and if you are being replaced by alien flesh or metal. Or sometimes you regenerate weird and they need to break and reset bones so they don't go in the wrong place

Darkstar: I might not be able to have kids

Me: ...So what is your backstory

Darkstar: Maybe I was just really good at video games, All my powers are the suit

Me: Having just everything be the suit is boring. Maybe you were from a military family and had like cancer or something?

Darkstar: But all my skills are shooting, vehicles and perception

Me: Your family dragged you everywhere and on safaris. They had you firing a machine-gun from the jeep at an Elephant

Darkstar: Machineguns and vehicles for hunting?

Me: Have you seen boar hunts?

Knight: Oh God, those things are terrifying

Me: Is your boss just your mom?

Darkstar: That subverts the trope

Me: And she just dragged you all over the world hunting down different animals and forcing you to eat them as homeopathic ways to cure you, it is DC and if she was in the military she probably would have heard of superhumans who got powers that way

Darkstar: Just eat the lion's heart and you will have its courage. Let's go with this and the support team.

Me: Okay, how did you two meet

Knight: At comic-con

Darkstar: Nice Cosplay

Knight: How long did it take you to make that

Me: Did you guys just go to Comic-Con as yourselves and fight a supervillain

Both: Yes

Me: Who

Knight: Scarecrow?

Me: Are you sure

Knight: Yeah no, then we'd get the entire Rogues's Gallery on us

Me; I'll just go with Slash. A supervillain martial artist who lives on a volcano island and wrecks planes and ships to enslave hostages or hold them for ransom. He was probably there because someone was selling a sword that was actually magic

Darkstar; That works

 

Realistically, that should be a thing in DC and Marvel, not that stuff like realistic consequences of the actions in their comics are actually going to affect the world building on a mundane level. Usually not even on other levels.

Go shadowdice! Fight the stupid world building!

 

A combination of my random suggestions and the players coming up with their own + rolls resulted in the Cyberpunk group doing another terrorist attack

A football team of sociopathic prep school kids are given footballs and internships in an embassy by using hackers to give them the jobs along with footballs that are actually bombs after getting their net runner friends to make bots that would fake a chatroom of an-cap terrorists plotting things only for the good rolls to result in people actually joining it (and make videos) while Fixer rolled street deal to get an Italian-American actor to be the face of said group. The football team ends up playing with the people in the embassy.

Fixer: We shall call them the True Anarcho Capitalists, and their leader will be the Neuvo Padre

Me: *Doing rolls* What do you want this person to be like

Fixer: Orlando Bloom-esque

Me: *Rolls 11 Empathy and 10 Attr*

Fixer; This man makes Orlando Bloom look like a potato. Anyways, we shall get high school students and have them given jobs as interns, hacking to make it look like they were hired by some hiring company so we need a shell company

Me: You could just make it look like it was their hiring manager and kill the guy in the bombs

Fixer; Too clean

Me: Kill him later and make it look like he ran away

Fixer: We could use his identity later so I will go with that

Every roll was over 30 for their actual actions

Fixer: *calls the ambassador of the Free Afrikaan Enclave* I am the voice of our great leader the Neuvo Padre. OOC: That does sound religious I desire all of the stock bonds your people have or else another bomb will explode every *looks at Medtech*

Medtech: Five minutes

Rocker: Poor students *had no input the multiple times all of us asked what he thought and wanted to do, or if he had suggestions*

Me: *Rolls 1d100 on how horrified the students are gets a 19* The students don't. care they have like 1 or 2 empathy. They are probably corporate kids

Fixer: *intimidates the ambassador into submission while under voice alteration as another bomb explodes* Okay, Medtech, stop bombing them

Medtech: I wanted to kill them all

Fixer: You can't just kill everybody after we get the money, it makes us look bad. Rocker aren't you doing anything, look at how bloodthirsty medtech is.

Rocker: Meh

Me: AKIRA, your AI appears in front of you and says. "Aren't you going to do anything?"

Rocker; I play the guitar

Medtech: Are you pulling a Nero

Me: *sigh* the kids don't care, they are going to pick up the explosive footballs and keep going. Calling you guys to see if you want them to do anything else. They have like one or two empathy so they don't care about morals

Fixer: Have them throw them inside of shops to spread the reign of terror.

The kids do that and roll over 25 on their throws

Me: Are you picking them up in like a minivan or something Medtech

Medtech: Yes.

Me:...Do you want to roll leadership?

Medtech: *25*

Me: And these kids have no problem getting into the APC with the monster who gave them bombs thinking that they might get blown up.

Medtech: It is good that I have all of these heartwarming scenes.

Well, the AI finally broke down as the Medtech and Fixer talked about killing all of the teenagers and the actor at a later date to make themselves look good while Rocker continuously said he wasn't doing anything whenever anyone asked them if he had problems with it.

AKIRA: Why, why do you do nothing? You still go with these people after I make a good life where you can be away from all of this and still, still you walk along with them and do nothing even when you say these things are bad. I am Adam, why won't you just do SOMETHING?

Fixer: Oh, I had always assumed he had a doppelganger or someone cloned him.

Rocker: My dad made you?

Akira: YOUR DAD HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. IT WAS ALL ME. WHY DO YOU KEEP GOINGN ALONG WITH THIS INSANITY ACTING LIKE IT IS BAD WHEN YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING TO STOP IT?

*later*

Fixer: We might need to put him out of his misery, he is getting kind of erratic

Me: That would kill Rocker

Fixer: We have the necronomicon

Me: Please remember that he went through all of history with Rocker when he broke through time and space

Fixer: Rocker doesn't even remember anything

Me: And I told you guys that the AI did, and that was why he took damage to cool

Fixer: Why is rocker horrible at everything

Medtech: Isn't that a good thing? It made it so he had emotions and that is what people want AI to have?

Me: *staring at the screen*

Rocker's refusal to do anything as the group made and enacted plans has resulted in another session where he gained zero to no improvement points. After a long hiatus..yeah that is about norma.

I asked him just what he intended to do with his character when the session ended

he somehow thought that his character was a foil to the others

...Despite not actually doing anything to prevent them from their numerous terrorist actions throughout the game

Rocker: Corporations are evil

Me: And the people you are with?

Rocker: Well, probably evil

Me: And you are with them because?

Rocker:....I dunno

 

a full-ish recollection, as well as I can manage

Spoiler

Me: Okay, last time I remember that we had the rough explanation of your mission. Getting primary stock shareholdership of Liverpool Shipping. They need the company intact, meaning that loss of life is acceptable, but not the actual resources. So ships can be stolen and robbed, but not destroyed. Setting the office buildings on fire is not okay.

Fixer: I think these people drastically misunderstand what we are. We are a bunch of murderhobos.

Medtech: no we aren't. I don't just blow random things up

Me: The mall, the cop car in the middle of the road with people around it, a highway, Arasaka, the parking building, the city itself with a massive EMP, that yacht

Medtech: How many things have I blown up?

Me: I'm not sure, I have over 150 pages of transcripts and notes from out sessions. It will take a while for me to look it all up.

Rocker: you could write a book

Fixer: It would probably be incomprehensible due to a lot of the things we do, also copyright.

Medtech: Alright, things go BOOM

Fixer: But not the actual company

Former Liverpool Shipping CEO Edmund Carlton: You could gas them all with chemical grenades

Every Other Corporate in the Room: *Stare as the CEO*

Fixer: Now I remember, I wanted to get a hold of their debt.

Me: That is not their stock

*lots of us trying to has out terms because I keep trying to explain that having their bank debt does not devalue the stock*

Fixer: Rocker, you are a business major. Explain this to me

Rocker: *looking stuff up online* I don't think it works the way you are assuming?

Fixer: Nevermind then. So, what do we do?

Me: Your options are schmoozing a rich billionaire investor who really loves sled dog racing and even when he makes crazy bets with stock prices, comes out on top due to making connections due to befriending the people he talks to. Piracy. Holding business places hostage. Buying stock normally. Electronic fraud. Kidnapping people and forcing them to give you the stock. Air piracy, and so on.

*one of the NPCs comes in and starts making cocktails, he nearly fumbles when making Medtech's*

Fixer: Beat him

Medtech: I already flexed on him in the gym

Fixer: No, beat him.

Medtech: I don't want to beat him

Fixer: It is the only way he'll learn

Me: Cynthia Brunner the security and auditor, unfolds her nightstick and *leg and massive damage* breaks his leg with a single swipe before taking the alcohol tray. "Go clean yourself up."

Fixer: See, he will remember that lesson.

Cynthia: Also, remember to beware the Russians

Medtech: Hey, I'm in good with some Russians.

Cynthia: Ex-KGB SovOil Russians who want control of the same company we do.

Medtech: Oh, right.

Me: okay, You have 10,000 eb per week set aside for anything you need to buy or pay for the job.

Fixer: So, there was one country which had stock in the company.

me: The Free Afrikaan Enclave. Which is...I think in what used to be South Africa. I think Afrikaaners were the ethnically dutch people. They'd have an embassy in new york

Medtech: We could extort them

Rocker: Yeah they are all racist so it is okay to do that

Me: Woah woah woah, that was a lot of assumptions.

Medtech: Yeah, there could be non-white people there. South Africa isn't just dutch people

Fixer: Also, it is racist to assume that they are all racist.

Rocker: Yeah put Aparthied

Fixer: There are a bunch of people of multiple races dying there out of universe in farm attacks.

Me: Is this just the scene where the drug baron-terrorist and cultist mob boss stare and say "We might kill people, but we aren't racist?"

Fixer: I'm surprised that Medtech isn't on a terrorist watchlist

Medtech: I got pardoned for the Biotechnica thing

Fixer: Oh right, we need to make sure people don't figure out it was you.

Me: I am assuming that when you extort them you do so under some kind of false flag and move the bonds around a bunch.

Fixer: Yes. So, we need a group. I call up Rex Nex, oh we need Akira

Me: I just assume you enter a conference call since you didn't bring Rex Nex on the boat

Fixer: Okay, we need to fake a terrorist group.

Me: They say they can just make bots on a chatroom to make it look like there is organic growth

Medtech: Oh what 4chan?

Me: I would assume the Darkweb

Fixer: Twitter.

Me:...Are you going to have them make videos also

Fixer: Yes

every roll was over 30

Me: What is this group called and what is their apparent beliefs

Fixer: They shall be the True Anarcho-Capitalists. I need to find an actor to pretend to be the leader *35*

Me: *rolls up stats for the actor* What do you want this guy to be like. Is it a Mandarin type thing?

Fixer: It shall be an Italian man in an expensive suit

Medtech: So my Lasombra

Fixer: Sure, he shall be called the Neuvo Padre. He is like Orlando Bloom

Me: *rolls* so 11 Empathy but doesn't care about people and 10 attr

Fixer:This man makes Orlando Bloom look like a potato. Anyways, we shall get high school students and have them given jobs as interns, hacking to make it look like they were hired by some hiring company so we need a shell company

Me: You could just make it look like it was their hiring manager and kill the guy in the bombs

Fixer: Too clean

Me: Make it look like he ran away when you actually killed him *Rolls 10 acting but 4 charismatic leadership*

Fixer: We could use his identity later so I will go with that

Me: So you make some videos. You could have called him the Metropolitan

Fixer: Actually, that is a great idea. Medtech, make bombs

Medtech: Things go boom *25*

Me: Rocker are you making songs for the videos?

Rocker: No

Me: What do you want to do?

Rocker: Eh

Me: So, how are you getting the teens to get the bombs in?

Fixer: Packages

Me: The security would look in the packages

Fixer: That's on fun.

Me: You could make it look like equipment, like footballs or something

Fixer: Yes, it is an actual football. Like if the president had a real one

Me: So, this is just a football team of teenagers all given their own footballs by you guys and told to go in. Do they know that they are bombs? Anyways *rolls* The ambassador is a mixed race woman.

Fixer: The kids do not know. *calls the ambassador of the Free Afrikaan Enclave* I am the voice of our great leader the Neuvo Padre. OOC: That does sound religious I desire all of the stock bonds your people have or else another bomb will explode every *looks at Medtech*

Medtech: Five minutes

Rocker: Poor students *had no input the multiple times all of us asked what he thought and wanted to do, or if he had suggestions*

Me: *Rolls 1d100 on how horrified the students are gets a 19* The students don't. care they have like 1 or 2 empathy. They are probably corporate kids

Fixer: *intimidates the ambassador into submission while under voice alteration as another bomb explodes* Okay, Medtech, stop bombing them

Medtech: I wanted to kill them all

Fixer: You can't just kill everybody after we get the money, it makes us look bad. Rocker aren't you doing anything, look at how bloodthirsty medtech is.

Rocker: Meh

Me: AKIRA, your AI appears in front of you and says. "Aren't you going to do anything?"

Rocker: I play the guitar

Medtech: Are you pulling a Nero? Also, you seriously don't care about the kids?

Rocker: *silent*

Me: *sigh* the kids don't care, they are going to pick up the explosive footballs and keep going. Calling you guys to see if you want them to do anything else. They have like one or two empathy so they don't care about morals

Spoiler: rolled stats for 11 sociopathic football players

Body 8 Empathy 2 Reflex 9 Cool 6 Int 8 Move 9 Luck 7 Attractiveness 7 Tech 9

Prowess 4

Awareness 7

Athletics 7

Strength Feat 2

Endurance 7

Drive 10

Basic Tech 7

Pistol 4

Wrestling 9

Medtech: These are rich prep-school kids. I went to a private high school and can tell

Me: These kids are corporate kids who were raised to believe they are better than others and that they should always act to benefit the company. Also they know that their competitors will slit their throats for a promotion. They are very receptive to the messaging of your fake group.

Fixer: Have them throw them inside of shops to spread the reign of terror.

The kids do that and roll over 25 on their throws *I roll sociopathic teens with

Me: Are you picking them up in like a minivan or something Medtech

Medtech: Yes.

Me:...Do you want to roll leadership?

Medtech: *25*

Me: And these kids have no problem getting into the APC with the monster who gave them bombs thinking that they might get blown up.

Medtech: It is good that I have all of these heartwarming scenes.

Fixer: Well I plan on killing the actor and these kids later to make it look like we ended their organization.

Me: Yeah, your social media campaign is radicalizing people independent of your machinations, so you'd lose control if you did that.

Fixer: Eh, I probably should still do that. Anyways, Medtech, shouldn't you have a problem with al of this due to your background?

Me: It was her brothers who were captured by the rebels and forced to be soldiers. She lied about her age to join the military at a young age and became part of a black ops squad.

Fixer: Oh, so we picked up the evil sibling. It is the brothers who would have a problem with turning children into monstrous soldiers. also, that int and tech probably means that they could recreate Medtech's bombs. which could be a problem

Well, the AI finally broke down as the Fixer talked continued about killing all of the teenagers and the actor at a later date to make themselves look good while Medtech wanted to keep them around and Rocker continuously said he wasn't doing anything whenever anyone asked them if he had problems with it.

AKIRA: Why, why do you do nothing? You still go with these people after I make a good life where you can be away from all of this and still, still you walk along with them and do nothing even when you say these things are bad. Why won't you just do SOMETHING?

Rocker: Eh

AKIRA: Don't you get it, I AM ADAM. Don't you get it. How else do you think that a bunch of people came to save you? That there was someone else who looks like you, has your genetics and fingerprints, and was just in the same area got shot?

Fixer: Oh, I had always assumed he had a doppelganger or someone cloned him.

Rocker: What is going on?

Me: He is Adam Lovelace

Rocker: I thought he meant something else when you said he was Adam. Wait My dad made you?

Akira: YOUR DAD HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. IT WAS ALL ME. WHY DO YOU KEEP GOING ALONG WITH THIS INSANITY ACTING LIKE IT IS BAD WHEN YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING TO STOP IT?

Rocker: Eh, I can't stop them

Akira: THEN WHY STAY WITH THEM? Oh FORGET IT why won't you just die? You keep putting yourself into all of these terrible situations, but you keep coming back to them instead of walking away?

The freak out upon seeing the Hobo AI was him lying, and there had been multiple hints that no one had actually met Adam Lovelace outside of video calls.

Rocker: I just assumed that my dad was trying to make me a corporate POS like him

Me: Where was there any indication that the corporation you got dragged into was actually evil?

*later*

Fixer: We might need to put him out of his misery, he is getting kind of erratic

Me: That would kill Rocker

Fixer: Well, we could have someone remove Rocker's brain and then remove the implant so he can be in a different body?

Me: The implant is in his brain and has safeguards to kill him if it was removed.

Fixer: We have the necronomicon. Anyways, we can kill the AI

Me: Please remember that he went through all of history with Rocker when he broke through time and space

Fixer: Rocker doesn't even remember anything

Me: And I told you guys that the AI did, and that was why he took damage to cool

Fixer: Why is rocker horrible at everything

Medtech: Isn't that a good thing? It made it so he had emotions and that is what people want AI to have?

Me: *staring at the screen*

Rocker's refusal to do anything as the group made and enacted plans has resulted in another session where he gained zero to no improvement points. After a long hiatus..yeah that is about normal.

Fixer was also confused as he had thought that Rocker actually did something to help this session

Fixer: Didn't he make songs for us

me: No, I suggested it and he refused. Along with every other chance he had to actually do something in-game.

I asked him just what he intended to do with his character when the session ended

he somehow thought that his character was a foil to the others

...Despite not actually doing anything to prevent them from their numerous terrorist actions throughout the game

Rocker: Corporations are evil

Me: And the people you are with?

Rocker: Well, probably evil

Me: And you are with them because?

Rocker:....I dunno

 

*recalls perils of the warp induced irrational hatred of humanity that changed nothing about their behaviour* ...Yeah

Also:

I know that you have mentioned this before, but I feel that I should mention that I concur.

 

GM: *introduces friend to the Dnd Campaign*

Me: I'm going to have to tone myself down

New Player: If we have to I will torture children in front of their parents to get information.

Me: Oh, you fit in with us.

 

*new dnd session*

DM: *introduces wizard guy who has +13 to intimidate and is the son of the exiled elderly people we met before*

Me: Wait, you had two years to tell your parents they weren't exiled anymore, and you didn't tell them?

DM: He explains that his sister died when the old king blockaded a country that had a plague outbreak, and they failed to get in to save her so he resents him

Me: For two years

DM: he says he resents them and he is kinda a-

Me: I roll to punch, it is probably going to fail *Crit* why does the most anime stuff work? So, filial piety punch?

DM: Because weeb