Gaming Stories, Video and Tabletop

What sorcery is this? Are the End Times upon us?!?!

 

well, war crimes, but we technically weren't at war and we were given permission by higher powers (Falseful truths and killing people during it, attacking unarmed people, intentionally attacking a church though it was dedicated to an evil god and they were torturing and killing clergy of other religions there, seizing property, using poison, etc)

Though, I don't think they are considered crimes in-setting. just by modern standards

...I kinda want to just have a list of what is considered war crimes and check off the boxes while running a campaign. just to see how long it takes for the players to fill them all

 

Vampire 4 or 5, they do weird stuff.

Rocker is Bruce/Gangrel Fixer is Tremere/Basket, and Medtech is Lasombra/Guiseppi

Bruce repeatedly makes horrible mistakes and essentially digs his own grave before frenzying due to not responding at all when a situation continuously escalated with it being very clear that fire was going to be involve, Guiseppi is accidentally horrifyingly evil and doesn't understand why people would not want to work for him, Basket is the only one acting like a semi-functional person

Spoiler

Me: Okay, first we are going to go over what happened to those of you who weren't around for other sessions. Bruce?

Bruce/Gangrel: Who?

Me: Dude, you don't remember the name you gave your character? It is on your sheet.

Bruce/Gangrel: Okay

Me: So, I assume you are in your shed

Bruce: Yes

Me: Roll alertness

*Long thing of going over which skill is which among alertness/awareness/investigation*

Me: You can hear classic groaning zombie noises as they approach your shed and start beating on it. What do you do.

Bruce: I do what fantastic Mr fox would do and dig

Me: Dig?

Bruve: yes

Me: Why?

Bruce: It is what a lot of cornered animals do

Me: Are you sure

Bruce: Yes

Me: STR+Athletics

Bruve: Digging

Me: The doors are being broken down

Bruce: How far am I?

Me: Not very

Bruce: Why?

Me: You are digging with your hands

Bruce: I have claws, animals can do this kind of thing all the time

Lasombra/Guiseppe: Those animals tend to be really small, and you are human-sized

Me: Dude, you are still human-sized

Bruce: But I have claws

Me: You still have to move a fuckton of dirt to dig a hole big enough for you.

Bruce: I can squeeze through

Me: You have normal human bones.

Bruce: I have level 3 strength

Guiseppe: That is slightly above average.

Me: What do you want to do?

Bruce: Dig

Me: The zombies have broken down the doors. Which way are you digging?

Bruce: Forward since they've broken in

Me: There are now zombies in the hole.

Bruce: I start digging up

Me: To where there are zombies?

Bruce: They are in the shack.

Me: You don't know how many were out there.

Bruce: *pops up to where there are four more zombies and gets grappled by one of the ones that were underground* Oh, there are more zombies.

Me: *Rolls zombie's grapple* And now there is a zombie dragging you down below the ground.

Bruce: I try to claw its arm with my foot. *Fail*

Me: What does your bird do?

Bruce: Attack the zombies

Raven: *10 successes on killing a zombie*

This bird proceeded to kill and maim two zombies in two turns while the Gangrel was sucked back into the earth

Me: Okay, there is a zombie grappling you. what do you do

Bruce: *does 4 aggravated damage, is essentially incapable of describing what he does*

Bruce: It is that katana thing where I unsheathe and resheath in a second and it is dead

Me: The zombie is still up, just maimed, and you cannot do that with claws

Bruce: Why not?

Guiseppe:...They are claws

Me: Look, are you tearing his limbs off, are you putting your hands in his torso and ripping apart his ribcage, what are you doing

Bruce: I am quick

Me:....That is not a description of what you are doing. And now the zombie is going to try to bite you

Bruce: But I killed it

Me: I just explained how health levels work.

Eventually he managed to take down the first zombie, and the next one fumbled on its attempt to get over the dead one, so he was able to get back to the surface

Me: There are two zombies that you can see

Bruce: I thought they were all dead

Me:...Your bird only killed two. We went over that.

Bruce: I run away

Me: Where

Bruce: Deeper into the forest

Me: Why?

Bruce: To lose them

Me: You are in the forest, they found you.

Bruce: Oh yeah, I guess I run to civilization

*Multiple athletics rolls as zombies run after him but he makes a gap between them*

Me: You are back in the city, where are you going

Bruce: I head to the seven eleven

Me: Why?

Bruce: For food

Me: People?

Bruce: Jerky

Everyone: You can't eat human food

Me: If you eat it you would be nauseous and vomit it back up

Bruce: Beer?

Everyone:...

Me: The only think you can eat or drink is blood, also human flesh. some people like that. As far as you are concerned, drinking blood is better than cocaine

Bruce: It is like eating sex

Me: Let's go with that. Are you actually entering the seven eleven?

Bruce: Yes

Me: There is a cashier

Bruce: *doesn't do anything* I am just going to think about my situation

Me: *rolls* Okay, roll alertness

bruce: *succeeds*

Me: You can see a really buff zombie outside, what do you do

Bruce: nothing

Me: Really?

Bruce: yes, would breaking a zombie's spine stop it

Me: It is magic it doesn't really care about biology

Me: The zombie gets closer. do you do anything

Bruce: No

Me: The zombie is going to punch the doors *six successes*

Bruce: This might have been a bad idea

me: The zombie has punched the doors into shrapnel, the cashier is screaming in terror

bruce: Is he going to do anything

Guiseppi: Possibly get a shotgun

Me: *rolls courage* No, he is doing what a normal person would do when he sees a zombie, and is having a panic attack. What do you do?

bruce: I wait to see if he runs out, then I'll eat him

Me:...He is cowering behind the counter, roll initiative *Zombie gets higher* the zombie is going to try to tackle you

Bruce: *dodges giant zombie* What is the cashier doing

Me: *rolls courage* he is running to vodka. do you do anything

Bruce: No

Guiseppi: OH GOD

Me: He gets out a lighter

Bruce: That is okay

Basket: Oh no

Me: He is going to throw the vodka *success* he sets the lighter on the trail, *multiple successes* there is now a burning zombie and on fire floor. Roll instinct

Bruce: Why?

Guiseppi: BECAUSE FIRE BAD

Bruce: *botch* Why is fire bad

Guiseppi: Because it can easily kill you

Bruce: What about bullets?

Me: Bullets do bashing, did you not look at the rulebook I linked to you

Bruce: Why are bullets not lethal

Me: Because you are an undead monster

Bruce: Ah, because you are fictional

Me:....You are an unholy creature cursed by good with the blood of the first murderer flowing through your veins, animating your dead body. It is because magic and GOD SAYS SO not fiction.

Bruce: So what now?

Me: You are frenzying, your stats raise due to blood spent your dex and str are five. With your brawl you have 10 dice to hit

Guiseppi: Fuck

Me: *10 successes* The zombie is ripped apart and the cashier is screaming as you tackle him to the ground, gore is everywhere, and your eviscerate this man as you drain him of blood and run into the night as the seven eleven burns to the ground. *rolls* when you wake up tomorrow in a utility closet, you see that the 7-11 is a crime scene due to the fact that the cashier was killed, the place burned to the ground and there are bodies inside.

*five minutes later*

Bruce: Wait, the cashier is dead?

Me:...I'm not even going to bother. where do you go?

Bruce: Into the woods

Me: The woods where there were zombies

Bruce: Yes

Me: Where they found you

Bruce: Hmm, I don't know where else to go

Me: Who do you know?

Bruce: Danov that Nosferatu guy, and my sire

Me: People who care about you

Bruce: No he doesn't

Me:...Your mentor

Bruce: He doesn't care about me, all he cares about is blood

Guiseppi:....

Me: He is your mentor, you spent stuff in your background to have him as one

Bruce: That doesn't mean he cares

Me: For twenty years, this man has taken care of you, he turned you into a vampire, and taught you how to use your powers

Bruce: He just wants blood

Me: The process of turning you into a vampire includes giving you blood, and you being in this city is less blood for him.

Bruce: That doesn't mean he just cares about blood

Everyone:...

Me: Dude, I am telling you as the GM. YOUR SIRE CARES ABOUT YOUR WELL BEING. Having him as a 3 dot mentor from the start means that he does. He is your vampire dad.

Bruce: I guess I go to my sire

Guiseppi: With horns on your head and covered in blood

Me: He opens the door and sees you. "What did you do."

Bruce: I explain what happened

Lucien: Why did you go to a 7-11 when zombies were chasing after you?

Bruce: It seemed like a good idea

Guiseppi: *laughing* You are grounded

Me: He actually is, Lucien points into his manor. "Go to your room."

Bruce: Fine.

Me: And I am just going to say that this day and the night that Guiseppi was investigating consisted of Bruce being stuck in his sire's haven due to the fact that he nearly got killed, got a building burned to the ground, and frenzied

Bruce: Why did I even become a vampire

Lucien: Because you were going nowhere in life and I saw potential in you. Now stop running away from all your problems, that makes the Clan and our Ancestor look bad.

Bruce: I don't care about the Clan. So what about whoever made it, they have been dead for what ten thousand years

Lucien: No, Ennoia is not dead

Bruce: Then why isn't whoever that is around? Why is she so important?

Lucien: Ennoia, Firstborn of Lilith she who was the wife of Caine and one of the greatest mages who helped create our condition. Ennoia, cousin, sister, daughter, and granddaughter of Caine. She who is why you have mastery over the beasts of the earth and can turn into them. Ennoia, who fought the Ravnos Antedeluvian and cursed him. Ennoia, who left our clan when we proved wanting and fractious, ignoring the purpose of our clan while she went forth to find a way to ascend from our condition and become a true god.

Bruce: So? When was the last time anyone has seen her? It's not like she was important.

Lucien: 2000 years ago to see the advent of Jesus Christ and acknowledge the Son of God.

Bruce: Oh

Guiseppi: I imagine that this has been explained to him hundreds of times, and it just goes in one ear and out the other.

Me: And we go to Basket

Basket: I have an appointment with the man I met earlier

Me: He arrives on time

Basket: I have him pose for me. "Any criminal history"

Himbo: None on record

Basket: Education

Himbo: Community college tattooing

Basket: Oh, an artist that will be useful

Basket: Do you believe in supernatural creatures: ghosts, werewolves, vampires, fairies, elves, demons, and all of that

Himbo: I believe in God?

Basket: Ah, so you are religious. just asking, good to know

Guiseppi: Is this a masquerade breach?

Me: No, since this guy is confused, has 1 int, and thinks this is just some kind of weird interview.

Basket: How much do you work out

Himbo: 8 to 5

Basket: Diet

Himbo: Fruit, vegetables, protein shakes

Guiseppi: A vegan

Me: No, Protein shakes can include meat

Basket: Good, good, you might need to lay off the fruit. You need to keep in shape. *squeezing muscles* I am going to roll design and *7 successes*

Me: I think you are just holding back bloody tears of joy.

Basket: And I put this guy in the clothes. "Now, walk for me."

Me: So. This guy has the grace secondary skill, and the graceful merit.

Basket: What is his DC?

Me: 2 *Gets over 5 successes*

Basket: So this is just this moment of absolute and amazing natural talent combined with attitude and my wonderful clothes

Me: Yes

Basket: I give him my card and explain that he is going to be living in my studio in Chicago. Also that he is staying for the night *planning on drinking blood*

Me: Anything else

Basket: I make sure to do my ritual of deny intruder and start working on a ritual that will let me track stuff I made *multiple successes on both*

Me: Okay, you have the groundwork. Blood?

Basket: I find my new model and drink

Me: He is shirtless and just walking around in some of the living-room and kitchen space because Absent minded and 1 int.

Basket: I am fine with that

Me: His blood is like the finest wine of bloods

Basket: Is this another perk?

Me: Yes

Basket: I might end up pimping him out to other vampires.

Me: That is what a lot of people do. So, Guiseppi. What do you do?

Guiseppi: I go to the rooms of one of the herd (his retainers beat up and captured people running from a warehouse that used to be full of people being trafficked as food/slaves) and drink. Then I explain that I want them to be useful around the house as servants

Me: Are you sure?

Guiseppi: Yes

Me: Do you understand how this looks?

Basket: yeah, kinda creepy?

Guiseppi: What do you mean?

Me: This man they've never seen before walks into a room, makes them feel incredible pleasure and fear that they don't understand, and says he wants to use them as servants in the house that has the two incredibly scary people who beat them up and kidnapped them

Guiseppi: I understand that the situation isn't ideal

Me:...Guiseppi, I want to understand this. are you giving them a choice? You, the person who is in the Path of Power and the Inner Voice, who abandoned the tenets of humanity and wants to eat people's souls to get stronger? Or are you only giving them the illusion

Guiseppi: I am giving them a choice

Me: The people are running for the doors and pulling against them as they are locked due to the fact that your ghouls do lock doors

*Long thing of me explaining that this is very much a situation where no rational person would want to stay, and that the only reason I'm not having these people actively fight is because he spent XP on herd*

He ended up wanting to retcon that stuff later on

Guiseppi: I am botching this RPing

Me: Yes

Guiseppi: I am going to read the book the Prince gave me on academics *gets 1 xp towards increasing academics*

Me: are you going to contact others about the whole blood trafficking, experimentation, and likely slavery stuff?

Guiseppi: Yes. *sends messages to other players, Claudette, and Michael the Malkavian to meet in an abandoned burned out warehouse*

Basket: Ugh, he couldn't reserve a hotel room?

Bruce: Yeah, this is a dump

Basket: I know, so stingy with his money

Me: Michael the Malkavian shows up with Claudette. Is this when you show up Guiseppi?

Guiseppi: yes

Basket: I see him and go "Oh god, a Malkavian."

Guisseppi: I need your help

Basket: So, why would I help you?

Guiseppi: I explain the situation

Basket:...

Me: In character, and out of character. No one but claudette knows the stuff you know

Guisseppi: Right. So I was investigating drug activity. and found blood pills

Me: which have vampire vitae, meaning people who use them get blood bonded and have powers

Guisseppi: Yes, and then I found people who were involved in trafficking and...killed most of them

Claudette NPC: I have the cell's boss in my haven without his legs

Guisseppi: And we should all work together

Basket: And why would I want to?

Guisseppi: It is a masquerade breach

Basket: And

Bruce: So

Guisseppi: Humans have guns and flamethrowers, and if the masquerade is broken, then we are going to die and only the powerful elders will survive.

Basket: I don't live here

Claudette The NPC: They likely have a lot of blood, money, and other assets.

Me: You can guess that this would likely have magic involved, meaning that it is probable that one of the Independent Clans such as the Settites or Assamites are involved, and your Clan both hates them and wants their knowledge. So that would benefit you

Basket: So, would financing you be enough to obtain part of the reward

Claudette the NPC: Do you trust the two of them to know what would be magical or otherwise important, and if they do to not take it themselves

Basket: Good point

Me: Wait, I forgot that Bruce has horns now

Basket: Oh god right. I would have been immediately disgusted.

Claudette: His sire said that he was chased by zombies and had his home in the woods destroyed before he frenzied and burned down a 7-11

Basket: Ugh, he's homeless too

Guiseppi: Did the lone lose control again?

Claudette: Yes, which is why his sire tells him not to be a lone wolf

OOC Basket: I'm sorry about being mean

OOC Guiseppi: We are just ripping on him so badly

OOC Bruce: It is all in character, it is fine.

They eventually agreed on the fact that they would all benefit by working together to investigate it. and signed off

 

I think part of it is that he actively tries to have unusual play styles...and possibly doesn't look too deeply into the systems

VTM: Gangrel with path of the feral heart who runs away and does weird shit. Doesn't apparently know anything about his clan and makes weird assumptions (Assuming the person he purchased as a MENTOR doesn't care about him)

Cyberpunk: Rocker with archery/melee build (was originally very bad at that) and social, but almost never was able to make actually convincing arguments against people. Also has a vast misunderstanding of how AI work

Spoiler

Rocker: Why won't the corporate assassin who kills people for money and works for a Japanese supremacist corporation run by a WW2 vet who wants to rule the world give up on her job? I explained that she is doing bad things

Me:...She doesn't care that it is bad, and she gets massive amounts of money and benefits in a cyberpunk dystopia where the average person is ridiculously poor and likely to get killed.

also Rocker: I tell the AI to tell me what the chemicals outside are

Me: Your only cyber implants are an Eye and Neural processor. How would he get the information to tell what is out there. Also, he was made by a mad scientist medical doctor/cyberneticist. He knows about pharmacuticals not chemical weaponry

Rocker: Why not, he is an AI. Cann't he look it up.

Me: Looking it up is not expert knowledge, and again. He wouldn't know what chemicals are outside since he doesn't have anything to analyze it with.

Current DnD: Gnome sorcerer who oftentimes goes invisible at the first sign of trouble, has had trouble trying to balance his spells between saves, attack rolls, AOE, and concentration. Had originally wanted to play a nonlethal character in a MERCENRARY band

Old DnD: Birdman cleric who wanted to be nonlethal and never learned the name of his character's brother

First DnD: Sadomasochistic monk who said he worshipped every god, snorted a sacred relic, wanted to steal a different relic from the temple of a war god, and idly talked about waking a giant dragon-turtle monster the size of a large island despite people living on it.

 

Something amazing happened in our RPG session yesterday. It was something so amazing, and so rare, I wouldn’t judge a soul who thought I was making it up.

Our grand, complex plan... worked perfectly.

And this was no simple plan (for reference the setting is sort of like dnd, but taken into a realistic modern setting (as in, magic being applied throughout society as it would be in a setting with widespread schooling and the like). Our plan to defeat a number of massive flying battleships involved time dilation, esoteric portals to bypass standard anti-teleportation methods, a coordinated assault taking advantage of the targets countermeasures against charm effects to disrupt communications, a grand ritual powered shield and a conjured door several kilometres in dimensions used to open a portal into a demiplane.

 

so shadowrunning it

 

Less cyberpunk, and with no megacorps (it turns out, being really wealthy doesn’t stop the guy who can turn all your bones into gases if he disagrees with your ethics) and more of a quasi-feudalism with really powerful individuals (DnD equivalencies would be level 20+ characters) either running countries or supporting said countries government.

And, the magic has always been around rather than appearing all at once.

 

Shadowrunning it was in reference to preparing for just about everything to make a complex plan that would ensure victory

 

correction on us not having committed crimes

Killing dozens of cats and putting them in the town square with a message of "Udrians did this" to draw out spies and capture them.

edit: also causing a war/treason/something due to shooting a nobleman with a great bow

 

VTM 6 or so

Spoiler: Mortal proxies plan fails

Guiseppi: *spends the night studying before the sun rises*

Basket: I am going to design clothes based on ancient biblical fashion *8 successes*

Me: so there are lots of linens, leopard skin, tunics, dresses, shawls, cloaks, and the like

Basket: yes, and I can get away with it because 90s. as a perfectionist, I am looking at these designs, but I'm not sure what else to put on it. I call my herd to come and be dressed in the day, I will spend blood and willpower to stay awake. *only gets 1 success due to limited dice* And I am furious with myself

Me: Your herd is scared

Basket: They should be. I am focused on figuring out what I can add to it to make it work

Me: Int+occult

basket: *5 successes*

me: You know that the Hebrew letter Tav is sorta x shaped, at least with ancient ancient biblical times Hebrew. also certain other languages. some vampires think that the X shaped cross is the mark of Caine

Guiseppi: Would putting that all over everything be a masquerade breach?

Me: She has lots of pseudo-ancient Hebrew clothes and biblical stuff all over this stuff. The X's would be far less conspicuous than anything in it.

Basket: And I am doing that. *gets 6 successes* Yes, this is what I needed.

Next night after they feed at the strip club for like the third night in a row

Me: Okay, it is Guiseppi (Lasombra), Basket (Tremere) and the NPCs Michael the Malkavian and Claudette.


Me: You are bringing your ghouls and anyone else?


Guiseppi: No

Me: Not your friend who is Juggler's childe?

Guiseppi: He was going to murder me earlier for looking at her, so no.

Me: Okay. What is your plan to get to Hammond?

Basket: I will have my limo drive me there, he can walk

Guiseppi: How far away is it?

Me: 20 minutes driving, 3 hours driving

Basket: You can run before the sunrise. Where is that homeless man

Guiseppi: I think he is in the metaphorical doghouse with his sire

Basket: yes, you are not going to be in my limo.

Guiseppi: I will be in a car. *looks at number of people that is there* The others can join me. I have two. Which car do you want to get into Claudette

Claudette: *stares and turns into an hour before flying off*

Basket: Why can't you do that?

Guiseppi: I didn't know she could do that.

Me: Do you have any idea where to start looking when you get to hammond

Guiseppi: Juggler

Me: Do you have any idea where Juggler keeps things

Guiseppi: *looks at Ghoul he took from the traffickers*

Dax the Ghoul: I was never told about that side of things, I just listened to my boss

Basket: And what happened to him

Guiseppi: We gave him to the Prince

Me: No, Claudette tore off his legs and dragged him away while you frenzied

Guiseppi: I actually don't know where he is, which might be concerning now. So no, I don't know where to look

Me: *Rolls on Michael*

Michael: We should see the doctor

Basket: Hmm, since this is a drug ring we might want to get in contact with a doctor

Michael: The doctor

Basket: Who?

Guiseppi: I don't know

*ooc conversation where after their successful occult rolls I explain that Malkavians have visions of the future and a weird pseudo-hive mind with one another that gives them information the other knows. along with the fact that Tremere have tried and failed at copying it, which has resulted in them going insane, which Guiseppi loves*

Basket: Yes yes what "visions" have you had?

Michael: We should see Dr. Banks

*both succeed int rolls to know about a person*

Me: Dr. Emile Banks is a Malkavian medical doctor who owns a scientific research company that has a facility in Hammond

Guiseppi: Well, we could see if he knows anything about Juggler. Can I call him?

Me: He is in the phone book since he has a public identity

Guiseppi: I call him

Me: It barely rings the first time before you hear a man say "Yes?"

Guiseppi: You might have heard this from Michael, but some associates and I have questions about Juggler. We can be there in under an hour.

Dr. Banks: I will book an appointment *hangs up*

Guiseppi: Well that went well

me: *rolls on if they get attacked on the way there, they don't*

Me: Okay as you enter Hammond, you can see that there are three big things. Universities, hospitals, and a massive ass casino which is built on the riverside and has boat-buildings attached to it

Basket OOC: The reason that casino boats were a big thing for a long time was because if you were on the water, you could get around laws against gambling.

Guiseppi OOC: Oh

Me: Out of universe this place is named the Horseshoe casino and owned by Caesar's Palace now. Because of acceptable breaks from reality and that this is ambigious time in the 90s, it is still called the Empress Casino, but is was bought out by Caesar's Palace

Guiseppi: Go to the doctor I said we'd be there within the hour

Basket: You said that, I could be going to the casino and gambling. But, I will go there with you anyways

Me: You go to the address, and it is a massive medical complex with the main section being three skyscrapers arranged in a triangle, one is taller than the other two, and another is shorter, but all are over 50 floors. there are various skybridges between them to make it faster to go around.

Basket: Someone has too much money

*enter a map which is Umbrella Corp concept art*

Me: You see various doctors, nurses, and patients. all of which seem to be incredibly happy. You guys are a woman in high fashion, a Italian mobster looking guy, a mixed race frenchwoman in a suit who scares everyone, a freaky albino woman with a teddy bear, giant black man with chains and a top hat, and the cryptkeeper's son. What do you do?

Guiseppi: Is the doctor here?

Me: Do you ask the clerk?

Guiseppi: Hey, is Doctor Banks here

Clerk: Welcome to Banks and Lennon Pharmaceuticals, how can we help you?

Guiseppi: Um, the doctor I mentioned

Clerk: Welcome to Banks and Lennon Pharmaceuticals, how can we help you?

Basket: This place is wrong

Guiseppi: Can we see Dr. Banks

Clerk: I see that he has an appointment right now, there is another after it. Are you the Guiseppi Party? If so, go to his waiting room.

Guiseppi: yes, this is weird. I'll head over there

Me: Everyone roll Awareness wits

Guiseppi: *botch*

Basket: *3 successes at difficulty 8*

Me: You see that everything that has water has things in it

Guiseppi: Oh god

Me: You don't see anything, only B asket and Michael see. There are things like human heads, fish, small sharks, and other stuff. But all of them have octopus-looking creatures...integrating into them. Some of these are in the water coolers

Basket: I look at Dax, get me water

Dax: Um, why?

Basket: I am thirsty

Dax: You people don't work that way

Basket: Don't question me

Guiseppi: Just get her water

Me: He gives you water from the tentacle shark water cooler

Basket: I stare at it, do I see anything?

Me: No but the Malkavian does not look happy

Michael: The Abyss-born can control vampires

Basket: So, Guiseppi drink this please

Guiseppi: No, and what is going on?

Basket: Drink this please. I have no idea what he is talking about and want to try an experiment

Michael: They rise from the abyss and swim in the deep

Me: Both of you make int occult rolls

Both succeed high difficulty

Me: Okay, you know some of how the spirit world works, and you know the legends about Lasombra. The Lasombra Antedeluvian spent a lot of time in the ocean. Vampires, oddly enough, can survive in the ocean fairly well. part of the problem with humans in there is that they have air in them and their lungs go through horrible stuff due to the differences. you guys don't have that problem,

Basket: What about water pressure

Me: Not as problematic for you guys, and the point that it starts being a problem is ridiculously deep in. but then, elders often have the disciplines to deal with it. Anyways, the deeper into the ocean and closer to the core you go, the thinner the veil between the spirit world and earth. And the deeper into the spirit world you go, the darker, more horrible, hellish, and disturbing it is. Which, consequentially is the levels which the darkest depths of the ocean go. Lasombra spent a lot of time there, and came back. And Guiseppi, you know that there are things in the Abyss. And they can swim out of the Abyss and into the ocean, and sometimes, they come up.

Guiseppi: I am not drinking this.

Me: A man in a jumpsuit leaves the office, he has a grease stain on one hand and makes sure to sake hands with you using the clean one. "Hello, I'm Phil Lennon, that is with three Ns and an O, The doctor will see you." Basket, you rate him an 8 out of 10

Basket: I think about giving him my card

Guiseppi: Please no

*enter the office of a CEO/Doctor/Vampire*

Dr. Banks: hello

Guiseppi: So, do you know anything about juggler

Dr. Banks: Yes

Guiseppi: Will you help us?

Dr. Banks: Perhaps

Guiseppi: Do you know what he is doing?

Dr. Banks: yes

Guiseppi: *sighs* what is going on? What do you want us to do, and what will you actually explain?

Dr. Banks: It is quite simple, I want you to help me rescue a young man.

Guiseppi: Why?

Dr. Banks: He is one of the Daughters of Cacophony. One who has near mastery of his disciplines. He can send one into madness or joy with a song, bringing one to or lifting one from frenzy, even causing crowds of mortals to enter the same state. As you can imagine, that is useful to my research

Basket: Would you give us a recording of that?

Dr. Banks: No

Guiseppi: What about Juggler? Does he have kidnapped vampires

Dr. Banks: Yes, he has vampires and those some might consider not kindred.

Guiseppi: What?

Dr. Banks: Thinbloods.

Guiseppi: Oh, alright. So, do you know about how he is making blood drugs

Dr. Banks: Yes. *takes a bottle from his freezer* You see. A colleague and I have been studying blood. Have you heard of cloning?

Basket: Yes, they've cloned some mice, and a sheep I think

Dr. Banks: I have been studying how to clone blood. Imagine it. Blood without the need to hunt, at least, for those of us who can sustain ourselves on just mortals.

Guiseppi: And this has to do with Juggler how

Dr. Banks: *runs a finger on the bottle* You see, my colleague manufactured a method of copying disciplines within vampire blood. Bottled disciplines as you might call it, a magic potion

Basket: *clear and open want* Can we have a sample

Dr. Banks: Yes, this bottle...I believe is Chimerstry of the second tier. *Drinks some and makes the room look completely different, with warm sunlight coming through the window, and plush chairs

Me: You can feel velvet and smell the rich wood scent of the chair

Basket: I really want this.

Dr. Banks: The science and mystical knowledge involved in this was stolen and altered to make the pills you have found. done by juggler with help of a kidnapped member of your family, and serpents of corruption

Guiseppi: Basket has family

Me: A captured Tremere, and a Setite. Basket, you notice that he said Corruption like your magic

Basket: I am not saying anything

Dr. Banks: Now, any other questions?

Basket: What is with the squids

Dr. Banks: Oh, yes. *removes a screen from behind him to show a captured man whose arms and face have become fishlike

Basket: The Hellboy one was more attractive

Guiseppi: What is this?

Dr. Banks: A man infected with the Chulorviah virus.

Michael: The abyss-borne share their memories

Dr. Banks: Yes, they claim all kinds of wild things. that they are older than humanity and the earth, how they are superior beings, all of that which supernatural beings tend to do

Basket: Yes, a lot of us try to claim that

Dr. Banks: I mostly keep them around for study, both their effects and to torture them for their knowledge. also, one can always get those werewolves to back off if you offer them up to be killed

Basket: Yes, how would we kill werewolves?

Dr. Banks: Silver bullets, Dr. Pentex while saying that furries and eco-terrorists are murdering everyone.

Basket: Good to know. So, Guiseppi, how do you plan on resisting mind control. The Setites do that a lot.

Guiseppi: Aaaaaah, willpower

Dr. Banks and Basket: *laughing in Willpower 10*

Basket: What about letting the good doctor here dominate you

Guiseppi: *looks at his path* I don't think I can do that. Could you give me a option or....

Dr. Banks: *More laughing*

Guiseppi: What, you have bottled disciplines

Dr. Banks: Yes disciplines, not tinfoil hats. Now, I will give you the address of a warehouse that Juggler has been using to hide his victims. You shall prove provide me with my friend.

Basket: And in return, we have the chance to buy these discipline bottles

Dr. Banks: Yes, *gives her a sip*

Basket: And how exactly do you do that?

Dr. Banks: I help with production, but you would need to be a thin blood to actually create it. A discovery that I hope will help ensure others avoid their wholesale slaughter. This ability is far too useful to waste.

*they end up not scouting the warehouse, and instead hire Latin Kings to shoot up the place while they intend to sneak in, this is after me asking them several times if they are trying to plan this out, and Guiseppi saying that hiring mortal proxies was dilly dallying. Basket also offered their leader a role as a model since he had appearance 4, also her convincing Guiseppi to give the gangster's his muscle car as payment*

Me: Making a plan is not dilly dallying

Guiseppi: Aren't we wasting time

Me:...where are you when they go in?

Guiseppi: Outside

Me: is anyone where they can see what is going on with binoculars

Basket: I guess I could make binoculars

Me: No, I am asking you guys. Do you have someone set up somewhere that would let them see over the fuckoff fence and buildings?

Basket: Yes, Guiseppi's anime girl

Guiseppi: Yes

Me: You hear lots of screaming

Basket: Oh

Guiseppi: What?

Me: You hear lots of screaming, crashing, and people dying. Because none of you even tried to scout out the place

Basket: I wanted to, Guiseppi thought it was a waste of time

Me: And now, over a dozen people are dead. are you doing anyting

Guiseppi: *runs straight in there and sees two giant golem monsters crushing people to death, while the last Latin King, their leader, is fighting one off with a sledge hammer and actually managing to dodge and hit* Who is that guy?

Me: The leader of the latin kings, he rolled oddly high stats

Guiseppi: Well I summon tentacles *only manages to get two* fuck

Golem: Leave the premesis

Guiseppi: Or what

Me: *rolls to hit and damage* Roll dodge

Guiseppi: Wait what?

Me: You challenged it, and now it has a surprise attack as its fist extended 10 feet, something you had no idea it could do, because YOU DIDN'T TRY TO SCOUT

Guiseppi: Fair *gets hit and has 6 bashing damage but he soaks 2.* Ow, they roll 7 strength normally? and have 10 dice to hit?

Me: You were warned that a Setite blood mage was involved. Magic. Also Basket, you are sitting on the sidelines thinking, oh so this is how people feel when Gargoyles attack them

Everyone rolls initiative

Claudette: *fails damage rolls despite attacking. looks at her claws in horror*

Guiseppi: Aggravate damage isn't working?

Me: These are made of solid stone. there isn't really anything for it to hurt or do tremendous damage to

Guiseppi: *tries tentacles, they fail due to the fuckoff dexterity and stamina* Crap

Claudette: *punched through a cargo container by the other golem/Ushabti*

Guiseppi: My ghouls will attack

Me: there are sledgehammers on the ground

Guiseppi: They grab them and use them *all either fail to hit or to do damage* Fuck

Me: *looks at Michael's sheet*

Michael: Ghosts! *8 of the dead gangsters get up and start mobbing a Ushabti*

Guiseppi: WHAT THE FUCK is this because he spends all his time in the graveyard?

Me: I said before that there are ghosts serving Modius in his mansion. you know that Michael spends a lot of time with Modius's childe. He learned necromancy from her.

Basket: I am going to use Conjuring to make chains and such around the other one to capture it. *wins craft+int vs strength+athletics*

The actual destruction of the Ushabti was glossed over as they had a lot of chances to hit and both were captured

Me: The Latin King is just going to sit down and say. "What the fuck is going on?"

Basket: Oh, we are mages

Me: *stares at the party* That is actually pretty close to the truth. Only the Ghouls and Claudette aren't. and she could probably pass herself off as some kind of kung fu wizard

Basket: You deal with the prisoner, I am going to take this guy and go

me: he is in too much shock to resist being pulled into your limo

Guiseppi: *stares* Okay then, *goes into the warehouse, sees cargo containers full of vacuum sealed people who have IV's that put in and drain them of blood. uses a picture to find the guy he was looking for* Do I need to roll medicine to make sure it doesn't kill him?

Me: He is a fucking vampire

Guiseppi: Right, I pull him out

Me: *looks at the different character sheets including the halfway dead Guiseppi who used up all his willpower* Oh no

Guiseppi: What?

Me: *looks at Obfuscating Setite who has 4 in Revelation of Eden's Serpent* Oh no

Guiseppi: no, no, NO

Basket: Will is not a dump stat

Me: The thing is, I don't think you can even try to exist because you don't have any willpower yet. *rolls 8 successes*

Guiseppi: What is going to happen?

Me: Well, your demeanor would be monster

Basket: So nothing changes?

Me: He's be outwardly a depraved monster eating babies and doing all kinds of horrible things, also he might have negative willpower

Guiseppi: Fuck

Me: *looks at Michael's sheet* Wait no, Michael's Auspex is higher than her obfuscate

Guiseppi: THANK YOU MICHAEL

Me: *rolls opposed initiative, Michael got higher* Michael is just going to pick you up and start running. "Nonono, bad, snake person. run, run run."

Guiseppi: I have no problems, because the quiet one is panicking and running while shouting.

 

This is when I knew this would go to hell, but then I realized I was being foolish as this is one of your RPG sessions, and thus would always be batshit insane/like a train wreck.

Ah well, compared to a lot of the other sessions you posted this one (as in, literally this last post) wasn't too bad at all. Nothing like the 50+ corruption cyberpunk game.

 

Hammond Right now

Juggler: Grungy anarchist drug dealer who has been corrupted by a Setite and is using human trafficking and kidnapped vampires to mass produce addictive blood pills to have an army of ghouls to kill his enemies and create an anarch free state

Dr. Banks: insane corporate scientist malkavian who is experimenting in clones through info he tortured out of eldritch abominations

Banu Haqim and Setites who were trying to manipulate them and then realized the amount of crazy elders can get up to: AAAAAH

also

The actual demon/angel pretending to be a mage that is sitting in the Empress Casino and laughing at everyone: Ahahaha, Caine's family is amusing.

 

And yet, none of your players have joined the Baali, Gehenna or a Setite cult, and while Rocker has behaved as crazily as expected, (while it has still been bad) I expected worse from the other players.

So, I still see this as an improvement.

 

eh

Basket is open to making deals with demons and wanted to have making a deal with one be in her origin, and Guiseppi was confused about the fact that they were in the Camarilla not Sabbat

Guiseppi: But isn't eating people more acceptable since I'm Lasombra?

Me: No, that means a lot of people hate you and don't trust you because they expect that you are constantly trying to eat people

 

So, it is just a matter of time then...

 

I currently play in a 5e D&D game on Tuesdays, Homebrew, strong fantasy with Blackpowder Firearms being the most advanced tech. Today we ended up in a Mad Max movie, cars and all.

 

Part of me is happy with how my players (At least Guiseppi and Basket) are doing when it comes to their relationships with NPCs

Basket, odd friendship with a secret Caitiff, mostly due to both of them riffing on others. Hates malkavians and Gangrel for in-character reasons, but is not openly antagonistic.

Guiseppi, wary of the Prince's childe and the prince himself despite their alliance, tries to make sure Michael is okay due to previous fear despite disliking Malkavians, but thankful for his presence at times due to how useful he is.

The pair made jokes that when it is the two of them, they are the blood mages party. a descriptor which also counts when Michael is around as they run the gamut of Abyss Mysticism, Thaumaturgy, and Necromancy

 

The last few sessions of DnD have had Gnome constantly forgetting things

Previous session

Gnome: Why is there an army, whose side are we on, where are we?

Me: The evil noble who was attacking us and framed us is sieging the city because the Lord of the City decided to protect us because she knows he is lying.

Gnome: Who is the lord of the city?

Me: The person who paid us for killing the golem! She had us going around investigating why the griffons were being poisoned. Her people helped us capture the spy that was poisoning griffons

Gnome: Eh

Me: I am just going to shoot the guy with my greatbow

Gnome: Why?

Me:...because he has been trying to kill us and if things get messy, we will get paid for killing his guys. plus there are dozens of archers everywhere so it will be difficult to identify who did it.

GM: *Did not expect me to shoot the guy who has been repeatedly trying to kill us and spreading lies*

Me: *hits*

GM: *Did not expect this to happen* Um, his body guard will bring up his shield

Warlord: This would be a surprise round, so he'd need a feat for that to work.

GM: *staring at the situation* I am going to end the session here.

New session

Me: Okay, we shot the guy, it is a surprise round. Warlord helped me, so Gnome. Can you use fireball or scorching ray

Gnome: Why would I do that?

*retreading the previous session where I had to explain to Gnome the events of the last several sessions*

Gnome: But why would I kill him?

Me: Out of character, this is Raiders of the Lost Ark, he is the Nazi archeologist trying to steal an artifact for the Third Reich

Gnome: But he is from this country, why would he do that?

Me: Because he is evil and is a traitor.

Gnome: What city are we in?

Me:....So, our Robot can use my sling correct? He has 3 attacks?

GM: So the guards are making a shield wall

Me: Most of this has been us having to re-explain to Gnome stuff because he apparently does not remember what happens from session to session

*I am proved on this later due to Gnome not remembering ANY of the NPCs who have been around since the first session as a friendly adventurer group we have fought alongside and against in arenas. said people were in the previous 2 sessions*

Gnome: I'll use fireball

GM: A fireball wouldn't work when there is a shield wall it is line of sight

Me: We are on a tower looking down, he has line of sight for an AoE

Warlord: *finding the rules on fireball*

Me: And the area he highlighted as the source has no one in it, and would be inside the shield wall.

Nobleman: *gets 26 on dex save and takes only 10 damage*

Me: And I am rolling for our Warforged's sling attack *3 crits*

GM: The nobleman is alive and one of his wizards teleports them to the back. The head of the army says "It's treason then."

Me: I have to kill him, but I will shout. "That's not how treason works!" I am The Sidious of this campaign.

Other things which happened

We ended up one a bridge with a bunch of guards and some adventurer NPCs against a party of like 8 Heironyous Paladins

Me: Am I hearing endless screaming in my head due to Hextor wanting me to kill them?

GM: They aren't screaming, oh wait because they can tell you are with Hextor

Me: No, because I was told by Hextor to kill all Paladins of Heironnyous

GM: Oh right, yes.

Warlord: This is the guy who killed all the cats by the way

Paladins: That is a Sablecat tradition, not ours

Head Paladin: *tries to kill a poor guardsman*

Me: And he would be moving into Nobunaga's square, so Nobunaga grows to normal size and grapples *success but gets thrown off*

Me: *gets hit by crit* Heironyous wears padded muscles. I am going to get another horrible scar now

*Guardsmen all manage to somehow survive and actually hit heavily armored paladins, taking down a few*

*2 rounds of combat later, we manage to survive and kill them all, but Warlord playing our NPC member failed to tame the giant beetles they rode and said beetles run away*

Me: I hope that wasn't a mating pair. I am going to heal these guardsmen and tell them to go to the temple of Hextor for Gains

Guardsman: Isn't he an evil god?

Me: Do you like gains?

Guardsmenn: yes

Me: Then no, he is one of order.

*meanwhile with Warlord and Gnome*

GM: You see two monstrous soldiers who are radiating disease

Warlord: *succeed's history*

GM: You know one of the tribes has been experimenting with diseases and making it so corpses will spread them, that and people who won't die

Me: So Nurgle

GM:...Yes, I did not intend that reference. I keep doing these things and not meaning to do it.

Me: I think it is just that I have absorbed enough that anything can be turned into a reference.

GM: Anyways, the two of them were riding while you looked for horses, so you will be a few minutes late

Me: So end of combat

GM: Yeah, *puts a Corgi with paladin powers in the fight*

Me: Why is hope corgi here?

Warlord: *uses his action to move over to the dog and pet it after the most immediate threat to himself is dead*

Me: Are you guys not helping the guardsmen who are dying of disease due to being near a monster?

Gnome: They are faceless masses

Me: The GM has described the life draining out of them

Gnome: So? I don't care

Me: You are only a sociopath when it suits you, you have spent several sessions being genuinely interested in that Wizard's life and went running when her village was in trouble, then protecting her when we were being chased.

Warlord: That was before fireball, fireball changes a man.

 

is gnome on drugs? literally senile?

what do you mean "gains"?

 

Either he’s got some serious memory problems, or Gnomes player is switching between sessions. If it’s online, it’d be easy. If you personally know them/can see them, be on the lookout for an identical twin

 

I know him from college and we have audio

I would not be surprised by him being on drugs

Gains as in muscle

It is a running joke in our group that I focus on Hextor as the god of Fitness and ignore most of the other stuff, I attempted to convert Gnome by selling it as a gym membership, and used that to make it more marketable to others.

 

oh, thank you for explaining the joke. that is funny

 

Frankly I'm more interested in the corgi paladin. CORGO PALLY!

 

it is apparently a LvL 4 paladin of Devotion

continuing that.

Me: Okay so we have a bunch of barbarians, clerics, and paladins fighting us

Gnome: Who are we fighting?

Me:....all of the people with tattoos or scary armor

Gnome: *is apparently playing a shooter game in a different tab* Why?

Me: They work for the people trying to kill us.

Gnome: And why does he want to kill us?

Me: Because he wants to sell out his country to Fantasy Genghis Khan.

Warlord isn't thee for the first 15 minutes but we start combat, which includes lots of us climbing onto buildings and using ranged attacks, my summon barreling through a building and attacking a guy only to miss, and the two guards there being beaten to death while a friendly human Paladin turns a person into a burnt shadow on the wall

Warlord *Arrives*: So I will use my whip dagger to swing onto the rooftops then shoot twice. *hits but the barbarians have resistance* I am Robin Hooding it.

Me: *leaps onto a different building and gets a max damage smite attack that nearly downs one of the barbarians* So this is just me pole vaulting on and jabbing him since I have reach.

NPC Barbarian Ally: *Critical hits on two javelin attacks*

GM:...I didn't expect that

Me: The victim's eyes are just gone

GM: And he falls and is held up by the javelins.

Gnome: *tries to make a Barbarian roll a con save, as expected, it fails*

There was only about 2 rounds of combat as the NPC paladin kept critical hitting, one of the barbarians attacked the dog, but then got killed after I used bless to give the dog additional attacks.

In general, we always tried to surround or flank enemies. Which caused unfortunate effects when they'd do the same (My summon died). But I had blessed our NPC fighter, and Warlord had used an additional support ability on him, while Gnome used haste on the character. So the Fighter was rolling like 6 attacks with 1d20+6+2d4 to hit.

The results were about what you'd expect.

We did persuasion rolls to attempt to up-sell our efforts while looting the corpses *We found multiple holy symbols which none of us could identity, also confirmed that the tattoos on the barbarians that caused fear were magic*

*once all of the NPCs are gone

Me: I carve the skin off of one of the corpses after taking one to the cart.

Warlord: ....why?

Me: There is mysterious magic that we don't know and weird holy symbols. I am going to take them to either the wizard girl, or the friend she has in the city who sells weird stuff.

Warlord: This is the cats all over again.

Me: It is this or dragging around an entire body. I also check the homes for like a pickle barrel.

GM: I am just going to allow it.

We originally were going to split up between the people who would see the Lord of the City (we then had a discussion as to whether the term mayor would be correct) and the wizard, but apparently they were in the same general area.

Me: I take the girl aside and ask her where her wizard friend is because I have something I need identified

Wizard Girl: I can't bring you to him, he is in a secret area and only members of our group can talk to him

Me: During a siege

Wizard Girl: Yes

Me: He is refusing to identify the stuff of the people who are actively trying to kill him

Wizard Girl: It is against the rules for any of you to go to where he is right now

Me: During imminent death, you can't do this

Wizard Girl: My master would kill me

Me: There are hundreds or thousands of people trying to kill you RIGHT NOW

Warlord: Priorities

Wizard Girl: Look, I don't make the rules

Me: Gnome, help me control your woman friend

Gnome: I wouldn't call us friends, we've had one conversation

Me: You talk to her like every session and you had us go on a quest to save her village

Gnome: Eeeeh

Me: Just give me an assist

Gnome: Okay

Me: I look at her, put my arm around her while opening the human skin jar, and pull it out as we enter a secluded corner.

Warlord: I love that you just said human skin jar

Me: "See these evil tattoos, this stuff made it so experienced guards and adventurers were running around screaming, unable to so much as approach the people butchering them and theirs in the middle of the street. This has been mass produced. now imagine an army of these people breaking down the doors and coming down to murder you and everyone you love. " Intimidate 20

GM:...

Me: Yes?

GM: Did you mean to roll intimidate

Me: She is being unreasonable and unresponsive to imminent death, I am doing my best to get the point across that SHE WILL DIE

Wizard Girl: Look, I am part of a group that is dedicated to protecting the items of power granted to the material plane by the elemental gods. We can't just have people going into our bases. *long spiel about how they are a secret organization, can't trust anyone, and they can't let people know that these things exist*

Me: ...Why would people not believe that these items exist

GM: They were lost 800 years ago

Me: People were looking for the true cross and pieces of Jesus's foreskin for over a thousand years after he died. I doubt the religious institutions would think that they don't exist. If these things were in temples, people would have been making pilgrimages

GM: Well, not that they don't exist. but that they are lost and no one knows where to find them

Me: Gnome, your girlfriend is in a cult. aren't you glad to know that she is like the rest of us

Wizard Girl: It is not a cult

Me: You are a secret society dedicated to locating, protecting, and concealing various religious artifacts which you worship, apparently hide yourselves and the existence of the items from everyone, and will kill each other for talking about it. That sounds like a cult.

Warlock: Nothing to be ashamed of, every religion is essentially a cult. Not necessarily negative.

Wizard Girl: But you see why I can't just let you into our outpost

Me: I can see that you are terrible at your job as you could have given us literally any other explanation as to why you can't let us directly into that place and what I was asking for was for either you or your friend to identify the runes on a person trying to kill all of us, which would be related to protecting the artifacts. Plus, we don't need to go into your base for that. you could have just gone and dragged him over since this could be considered part of your prerogative.

Wizard Girl:....

Me: Well, thanks for the information

Wizard Girl: Um, would all of you join the organization

Warlord: That is effectively part of our job right now since this idol is apparently involved

Me: The idol is probably a key. Wait, does the druid know about this?

Wizard Girl: No

Me: Ah, so you are abusing his trust and deceiving him as to your true intentions so you can achieve your goals and use the idol to get at these artifacts. *Claps shoulder* Good job. Look, Gnome, she really is like us.

Gnome: *laughs*

GM: She is going to be really awkward with how you phrased that

Me: Literally nothing I said was incorrect.

later, all of us rolled 20 or above to identify the tattoos since we had forgotten to roll that as we had been focused on the holy symbols none of us could identify

*Everyone on the floor laughing in and out of character*

Warlord: Anyways, since carrion beetles were digging holes earlier, and that would be difficult in a city. it seems that the spies have to be in the sewers somewhere. can you help us deal with that

Lord: *has her personal assassin show up and say she will help*

Us: *suspiciously go to a secret meeting where the cult swears us to secrecy and protecting the orb*

Wizard Girl: Do you swear by *list off ten god's names* to uphold this oath

Me: So then, I close my mouth and silently scream HEXTOR and ANGEL thing as loud as I can *succeed's check partly due to having over ten holy symbols of other faiths that I have melted into a chain, most of which were Heironyous*

Evil Angel Thing: You do realize that you can't just constantly contact us for this kind of thing

Me: There is a cult that worships like ten different gods asking me to swear an oath to protect a bunch of potentially world ending artifacts that they are looking for. As a paladin, should I be swearing by other gods. Also, do you want these artifacts or have any kinds of treaties. Since all the gods worked together on this I assume there is some kind of agreement.

GM:...

Me: I am a paladin, I am probably not supposed to swear by a bunch of gods who might be enemies of mine, and not take all of these artifacts and use them to create a dystopian nightmare state or whatever it is Hextor would want to do with them.

Warlord: Yeah, he'd probably have you try to kill us all after assembling all of them

Evil Angel Thing: Swear the oath...for now.

Me: I nod then look at the Wizard Girl. "Well, I just contacted my god. He is okay with this."

Everyone:....

Me: You expect me to not ask my superiors if I should be swearing by other people?

GM: I apologize if this situation seems a bit railroady

Me: I intimidated a person with a jar of human skin, them spilling EVERYTHING is about expected.

Warlord: And unfortunately, I don't think we can get a long rest in since the lord is insisting we fight tonight

*exit the secret base and have the Lord's assassin show up a short while later*

Me: how much did you see

Lord's Assassin: You are full of yourselves if you think I am always watching your group

Me: *thinks about the fact that I have gone around the city killing cats to anger the spies before hanging them in the town square with a message written in blood, shot arrows at another lord, and that the group as a whole caused the siege the city is under. then had a suspicious conversation with a wizard before disappearing to a cult operating in the city* Really?

Warlord: Don't question it

Me: We are some of the most suspicious people in the entire city. A person with no background, a member of the ethnic group invading the country, a magical robot, and a member of a species of mages and tinkerers who have a secret city that no one can find.

edit

I also went to the Hextor temple and prayed to figure out what is going on with the unidentified holy symbols, it apparently was not something from the known planes. So it is either from outside the sphere of influence of the gods, or some mortal material plane bullshit like a demigod

Me: Is fantasy Genghis Khan becoming a demon god?

 

...I am imagining the assassin is female (and an elf) and a massive tsundere now. Possibly a yandere.

 

female, not entirely sure what species.

I was expecting for the GM to reveal that the lord knew all about what was happening and was playing everyone.

Unfortunately, I was wrong

Me: *a paladin of Hextor who essentially started a war and just got inducted into another cult* Okay

Lord's Assassin: Now, we are culling the spies.

Me:..*thinking about the fact that a cult dedicated to potentially world destroying artifacts with rather simple defenses has not been found* What is going on?

 

Yandere. "culling the spies" is code for killing the competition. She is into you. That is what it is, seriously.

...The sad part is, with your games I can't tell whether the above should be taken literally or not. I mean, it is crazy enough to fit in with the rest of the nonsense.

 

I doubt that the GM is making the assassin a yandere.

though, our interactions so far have essentially always been while in the middle of murder or plotting to murder someone.

 

The GM didn't think he was making a lesbian wizard that would shack up with a gnome with the right polymorph spells. Again, your games are crazy enough it could go either way.