OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

Mightier than the Excalibur.

"What are you doing?" Artoria asked, looking over his shoulder.

Shirou sighed, tapping on the paper with his pen. "I'm writing a book. I've decided that, if I'm going to be a Hero of Justice, just going out and hitting people with swords won't suffice. I want Dad's ideals to live on, and I need spreading them for the generations to come. So they can make their own minds up about the nature of Justice."

She stared at the blank page. "You haven't written anything yet."

"No, no, I wrote the first five chapters of fifteen already, but now I'm stuck. I mean, I know where I want to go, and what I want to do, but suddenly I lost step of how to do it, and it's really frustrating..."

"I'm sure it is," Artoria said, pausing to throw a discreet glance my way. It was over as soon as she was telling Shirou, "This book of yours, it is a manifesto of sociopolitical intentions, isn't it? Do you have a title for it yet?"

"Actually--"

"A good, solid title is the most important part of a book," she lectured. "It is what will hook your readers and pull them into your concepts. Work from your title, and everything should flow from it naturally."

"Have you ever written a book?"

"I once planned writing one," she reminisced. "It was to be an exploration of my ideals as a leader, a declaration of principles for the eras, my big legacy for posterity..."

"And what was going to be the title?"

"My Fight."

"..." Shirou said.

"What?" Artoria asked. "Has it been used already?"

 

Clipshow Episode.

Mephisto nodded. "How about another joke, BB? What do you get when you cross a mentally ill loner with a Moon Cell that abandons him and treats him like trash?"

"You aren't actually mentally ill, though," she pointed out.

"Not the point!" he said, pulling out a ridiculously small handgun with a ridiculously large barrel. "You get what you fucking deserve!"

And he shot her through the head while Kiara shrieked and ran for cover.

---

"-- so, if I had to pick just one I'd say that's the worst show I've ever had to do," BB said, pulling some of her hair up and sticking a finger into the hole on her scalp. "Does that answer your question, Master?"

"... I guess it does," Ritsuka meekly said.

 

Servants who Never Should be Summoned.

---

Assassin.

He chuckled perversely. "Ah, so I live again! Perfect, perfect. I'm Servant Assassin, the man able to avoid any detection. For there is no greater power than that of--"

The old, decrepit, senile magus stared down at his summoning circle. "Ahhhhh, it failed after all. But I really thought it would work...!"

"No, no, I'm right here!" his Servant said. "It's just you can't see me, because I am--"

He threw his wrinkled, bony hands around, desperately. "My one chance to reach the Root, squandered! All these years of studies, wasted! Why to live, indeed...!"

"PAY ATTENTION!" Assassin yelled at him. "Your summon worked perfectly, fool! I will win this Grail War without nobody being the wiser!"

The old man began to sob to himself. "They'll laugh at me at the academy! There were right, weren't they? Their mockery will chase me to my grave!"

"I'M TELLING YOU I'M RIGHT HERE!" the Servant screamed into his ear. "My name is Hawley Griffin! Are you fucking deaf, damn you?!"

"I can hear them clearly already, calling me a damned deaf fool...!" the Master lamented.

"Oh, for the love of--!"

It took Assassin two full days to get the also extremely myopic man to read a note he'd written for him and make him realize he actually had summoned him after all. Then it only took him a single day to get himself raped and killed by Mr. Hyde again, because some things never change.

The old magus, unaware he didn't have a Servant anymore, still defeated the rest of the Servants on his own and claimed the Grail thanks to assorted hilarious Mr. Magoo-esque hijinks.

The Grail never got to cash on his wish and flood the world in darkness, however, since he just kept wishing things on his teapot instead to the day of his death.

 

Christmas 2020.

The morning of December the 25th, all over the world, children bawled.

Jolly Old Saint Nicholas shrugged his shoulders while reading a good book. "What?" he asked his wife. "This year, I had to stay at home, like everyone else!"

 

Help is on the Way.

"Good evening, how may we help you?"

"Ah, good evening. My name is Itoshiki Nozomu. Is this the Suicide Help Hotline?"

"Yes, Itoshiki-san. Please tell us about your case, and we will send any sort of necessary help your way."

"Thank you. I have to assume you would have the best specialists in Japan."

"Naturally, sir. Our experts are the top graduates in the area."

"That's good to know. I place a very high value on education, being a schoolteacher myself."

"Yes, plenty of those contacting us work at the field of teaching. You are free to tell us of anything affecting you, we have a vow of confidentiality. The conversation is being recorded strictly for possible future therapeutical issues."

"Therapy? Oh, no, I don't need any therapy. I just need a technician sent to my home."

"A... technician? We don't call them that way, Sensei, they are doctors."

"I see. So they apply injections, then?"

"Only in the event you are diagnosed and reciped for such purposes. Medication is an alternative to be explored only once--"

"Medication? I was talking about toxins."

"... I beg your pardon?"

"Yes, you know, I have resorted to all manners of poisons, yet always failed, so I figured out I might as well resort to experts. How big is your success rate?"

"Our... success rate at what?"

"Why, at successful assisted suicides, naturally. I won't mind the exact means much, as long as not much of a mess is made. I like to think I can endure physical pain remarkably well, as long as it's not prolonged. But of course, surely you will use sedation of the highest quality, sorry if I have--"

"S-Sensei! We don't HELP people kill themselves! We help them NOT kill themselves!"

"... then why do you call it a 'Suicide Help Hotline'?"

"... because we help people not to commit suicide, naturally, that's something everyone--"

"Then you should call it the Anti Suicide Help Hotline! I have just wasted precious, valuable time I could have used immolating myself! I'M IN DESPAIR! A CARELESS SOCIETY THAT MISLABELS IMPORTANT SOURCES OF SOCIAL HELP HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"

"...!"

"... anyway. Sorry for taking some of your time too, and please have a good night."

*Click*

I hung the line and took both hands to my head.

"Mariko-chan?" asked Kotono from the next booth. "What's wrong? Another one killed himself over the line?"

"... this time? I wish!"

 

An Advantage.

Alter Santa Lily Jeanne took a break between chewings. "These aren't stolen cookies, are they, Jack?"

Jack shook her head, still stuffing her mouth. "No."

"If they were," Nursery Rhyme observed, "someone would have noticed and scolded her already, right?"

"I'm just saying," Jeanne said, "that, for the Assassin with both Presence Concealment and Information Erasure among us, it wouldn't be hard to--"

"Jeanne!" Kama gasped softly. "For you to be doubting the word of Jackie, our own longtime loyal friend, just because of your moral qualms...!"

"I, I didn't mean to imply anything bad!" Jeanne panicked. "It's just that sometimes we do bad things without meaning to!"

"Don't worry," Bunyan smiled with a full mouth leaking crumbs. "They aren't stolen. Kama just seduced the kitchen staff while Archer-mama, Boudica-mama, Cat and Birdie were away."

Jeanne stared at Kama.

"It doesn't count as theft as long as you aren't swiping them yourself, right?" the small goddess asked blandly.

Jeanne took a hand to her own face and began whispering something to herself.

 

We Come to Kill Emiya Shirou.

 

A Kingdom all my Own.

"You will see, Father!" the armored, horned knight in white shook a gauntlet's fist at the castle in the distance. "I'll show you yet! I'll make my own kingdom! With blackjack, and hookers! Actually, forget the kingdom!"

---

"And... why didn't you just do that?" Sisigou Kairi asked. "You'd have spared everyone a whole world of trouble!"

Mordred groaned, taking both hands to her head. "Turned out, I just couldn't get along with hookers! They are scary people, man, trying to take your helmet off and kiss you! No wonder Father had Castle Anthrax burned down to the ground...!"

 

Every Single Last Evil.

The villagers took him, bound and battered, to the central square, and began marking his flesh on red and black.

They spewed every curse on him, as if to spend them forever from their mouths. By purging themselves on this miserable being, they would purify those urges from their souls.

They punted him and hit him with rocks, to make sure Evil would be weakened when they buried It, and It would not break free to the surface. This, too, was logical and sound. No caution could be forgotten when dealing with Evil, after all. For virtue to triumph it must be comprehensive and vigilant of every detail, and the townsfolk kept that in mind the whole time.

The unwanted, the pariah, was allowed to shout his curses, so everyone would see him for what he truly was, for what he had been transfigured into by his own actions as much as by theirs. In truth, he had been a man like any other, with his vices and commendable traits, yet this, too, was part of the necessary course of action, for the Root of All Evil had to start an average man, even if one nobody would miss. Evil can, the wise men stated, spawn from any heart, and to embody the victory of good over perversity, the latter had to be a personification of that dilemma. This was not overlooked either.

Otherwise, they paid no attention to his blasphemies, for they'd be reduced to nothing by his banishment. And so they buried him alive, in a box within another box, as deep as they could dig, and then covered on rocks which were blessed by the priests. Only then, the villagers smiled, feeling the satisfaction of a fulfilled moral duty.

From that point, Evil would plague Man no more. They raised their hands and began chanting, but then stopped in horror, a chilling realization sinking in under the dying sun of the dusk.

Their hands were all now covered, forever, in red and black.

 

But Not That Way!

"Mash, now!" Fujimaru Ritsuka grinned as a horde of skeletons broke from the ground, all beginning to shamble towards them threateningly. "The way I told you!"

The short haired girl in skimpy black armor glanced back. "But, Sempai...!"

"C'mon, do it for me!" the redhead brought her hands together.

The Servant sighed and threw her massive black shield, squashing several of the skeletons under it, while Ritsuka sang happily, "When Captain Britain throws her mighty shield..."

She sighed irritably, running over to retrieve her sole means of fighting, then tossing it on more of the undead troops, shattering them to splintered bone. "All those who oppose her shield must yield!" her Master kept on singing, delighted.

Once again, the curvaceous warrior had to pick the shield up, kicking two skeleton soldiers lunging at her away while hefting it, and then using both hands to sling it like a frisbee, splitting even more of the undead by half. Ritsuka took a fist to her own chest and crooned, "Then the black and the gray and the brown underside will come through..."

"The things I do for love..." Shielder grunted between gritted teeth, raising the huge darned thing once again and doing another throw that smashed the last few of the magically reanimated enemies while Ritsuka held a fist high and finished.

"When Captain Britain throws her mighty shield!"

Now that all of their foes were vanquished, Shielder turned back and said, "First! I'm telling you, this isn't its proper use! Second! I'm sure we're risking to lawsuit twice, both because of the lyrics and because there's already someone called 'Captain Britain'! And third! The rewriting of the third verse throws the whole song off!"

 

Little Sister.

"Rin-chan?" the man asks from her bedroom's doorstep. "Come here, please."

Her little sister is different when Eishun-sama brings her over, and it takes Rin a few moments to realize that is, indeed, her. Sakura doesn't talk, and only stares ahead fixedly. Her eyes are now violet, much like her hair, and they seem even bigger and rounder than before.

"She won't be living with the Matous anymore," Kirei explains dutifully, still covered on bandages and bruises. Arms folded behind his broad back, he expands on, "Don't worry about the details. The Mahora Headmaster will handle your living arrangements."

Rin is happy, but still, she remembers Father's words on the subject, so she glances back at her mother even as she steps ahead to gently hug Sakura. "Is that okay with you, Mother?"

"Ah," Tohsaka Aoi says from her wheelchair at the corner, eyes as hollow as Sakura's, and barely more lively than Kirei's. Rin turns her gaze at the other person in the room who actually seems alive, and Konoe Eishun only can smile benevolently, with a small shrug of shoulders.

The bespectacled man places a hand on her small shoulder. "You are a strong girl, Rin-chan. You are a good sister and daughter, too. Should you ever need help, call us."

"Of course, I will always be here, Rin," Kirei stoically promises, and Rin can only give a token nod as she feels how cold and numb Sakura is in her arms.

In response, Rin only hugs tighter.

 

Karloff Not Be Proud!

"You stay here, Maria," her father told her, stopping chopping wood and walking back towards their woods. "I'll just have a look at my traps. Then we'll go to the village and have a grand time, okay?"

"You won't be long, Daddy?" asked the adorable little blonde girl in the long dress.

"Oh, no, no," the mustachioed man reassured her. "If Franz comes by, tell him I'll be back soon."

"Daddy, won't you play with me a little while?"

"I'm too busy, Darling," he said. "You stay and play with the kitty, huh?"

"Bye, Daddy!" she waved at him.

"Goodbye! You be a good girl, now!" he waved back.

"Come on, Kitty!" she said then, merrily skipping towards the blue lake, her cat following her.

There, Maria saw a strange lady standing by the water, looking into the distance. She was oddly attractive, with short red hair falling in bangs over her eyes, and wearing elaborate bridal attire, besides being holding a gigantic mace ever sparkling with electricity. For some reason the golden tiara on her forehead had a long sharp spike jutting up the front, having her appear to have a horn on her head.

"Who are you?" Maria asked her, and the lady looked at her. "I'm Maria. Will you play with me?"

---

Caules Forvedge Yggdmillennia lifted his eyes from the book he had been reading as his Servant walked back into his living quarters.

"Oh, welcome back, Berserker," the young man with glasses and short brown hair sounded worried. "Were... Were you attacked by the other faction? Why didn't you call for help?"

"Uuuuuuuu," Berserker said, her dress and body all soaked wet from head to toe, her mace producing more sparks than ever, and claw marks running all over her face.

(Translation: "Children around here sure are mean...!")

 

If Only...

"I've been thinking, isn't it funny, Sempai?" Konoe Konoka asks, with a bright and innocent smile, while they are both cooking for the others. "We could have been sisters!"

"... sisters?" Sakura asks the black haired younger girl. In truth, they've never been close, and they only know each other through Negi-sensei.

"Yeah, think about it!" Konoka sighs, still smiling, and stirring the large pot of soup. "If only Dad hadn't been so busy with his duties at the Kansai Association, he'd have adopted you, and you'd be my Oneesama!"

For a moment, Sakura's eyes become oddly distant and vacant at the idea.

---

"Why are you so antsy today?" Rin mutters in the darkness, trying to cuddle against Sakura's back. Stubbornly, the younger and bustier woman just keeps facing the bedroom's wall. Aren't the the things bothering her tonight? "Did I do anything bad over dinner? I behaved well, I tried not to argue with Negi-kun that much...!"

Sakura chews on her knuckles. "I never get to be the Oneesama..."

Somewhere else in the Mahora campus, Sakurazaki Setsuna feels strangely thankful, to someone, over something.

 

The Truth About the Taiga Dojo.

"Fuji-nee?" Shirou asked, entering the Dojo. "What are you doing with that camera, and why is Illya in a PE uniform?"

The short haired woman in the kendo hakama coughed into a fist, the other hand tapping her boken against the floor as a mortified Illya tried to cover her milky white legs' bareness with her hands. "Shirou, I assure you, this is all completely legal! We only happen to be talking about your death."

Shirou blinked. "Okay!" he said, and then began walking back very quickly.

 

Fate Route Ending, Deleted Scene.

"-- I have something I need to confess, Sakura-san," Illya said meekly.

Sakura blinked, a bit taken back at her contrite expression. "What is it, Illya-chan?"

"It's about your brother, Shinji."

"What... What about him? I don't think you ever met Oniisama..."

"No. No, I did. For a very short while, but I did," Illya said, lowering her head. "I'm afraid you'll hate me after this, Sakura-san, I've grown to love you like a sister, but... I might be gone soon, and before I go, I need to tell you, you deserve to know..."

"Knowing what, Illya-chan? Do you know what happened to Oniisama?"

"Yes," Illya said sadly. "I... I am a magus, Sakura-san, just like he was, well, much better actually, but the point is, I used to have this Heroic Servant from the distant past, Heracles, Prince of Power, at my beck and call, and I made him kill your brother...! Sorry..." she shrunk on herself with soft whimper and a sob.

Sakura took on that, sitting very straight and silent.

"You hate me now, don't you, I knew it!" Illya cried, taking both hands to her head. "Kill me if you want to, but please don't hold anything against Shirou-niichan, he never--!"

Sakura held a hand up.

"Eh?" Illya blinked, trembling.

"High five," Sakura said, very stiff and distant.

Hesitating, Illya slowly brought her hand to Sakura's, and timidly slapped her palm against hers.

And Sakura shouted. "Ohhhh, yessss! Yes, yes, yes, yes! He won't be coming back after all...!"

And after a moment, she smiled sweetly at Illya. "Would you like to meet my grandfather now?"

"I should warn you, I don't have Heracles with me anymore..."

 

And All the Stars Dropped on my Doorstep.

 

After thinking about it for a relatively long while, I think I'm going stop writing Fate until more canon lore and characters are added, that is, until GO, Prisma, S/F and Requiem actually start advancing again instead of slowly chugging along with filler and mere variant Servants every so many months (GO), get the fuck out of the Namek/Hueco Mundo already (Prillya) and start moving at all, period (Strange/Fake). Or until Extella 2 comes out, whenever/if that happens.

I don't know. Lack of actual novelty is kinda stalling me. I don't want to step on my own toes while marching ahead, and I don't want to second guess the canon twists ahead of time. So I'll have to wait. I'm frustrated.

I know it may take several months, if covid doesn't get me or the canon writers first. In the meanwhile... I suppose I should write for something else, but I've been so focused on Fate of late for a while now, I'm kind of rusty on how to focus on other things.

 

So, Why Him?

"I don't know, I just was wondering..." Della shrugged and waved a hand around, now that the dust had settled and everyone had gone back home. "How long has it been, since the last time you even spoke with him? Did you make up with him after I left?"

"Sort of," Donald grumbled. "I mean, it's more like he made up with me and I didn't. I never wanted to!"

"Ah," his sister nodded, "but that's the way your friendship always was anyway. Even so, I wouldn't have thought you'd ever choose him, of all people, as the guy you'd want with you if you ever got stuck in a desert island."

"It was a watermelon, okay?! His head is easy enough to carve on watermelons, Goofy's isn't!"

She punched him in the arm. "C'mon, Don, you could carve Goofy's or Panchito's head out of a stone with your teeth if you really wanted to, and you're a duck! That can't be all there is to it. Why him?"

He huffed. "Look, let's put it this way. I had to stick to a hope of ever leaving, right? It wasn't about whom I'd rather be with, but who would give me the best chance of ever leaving. That never could be the case with Goofy or Fethry, it'd still be a longshot with Panchito and Jose, and Gladstone would just find a way to escape on his own while leaving me behind! But of everyone I've ever known, even over Unca, Mickey is the one guy I'd ever believe would always have one hundred percent changes of escaping a desert island, no matter what! Somehow! There, happy now?!"

She smiled and patted him on the head. "That wasn't so difficult to say, was it? Wait, what about Sora?"

"He could do it too, but it'd take us ten years of traveling across the universe while he never ages any...!"

 

The Secret Origin of the Unequally Rational and Emotional Scouters.

"Here!" Chibi Lala smiled, holding the small strange artifact up. "I made these for your army!"

Chibi Frieza frowned at it. "What is it for?"

"It tells you anyone's fighting power, see?" Chibi Lala said, pointing it at herself, and showing him a sequence of numbers on the lens screen. Then she repeated the proccess on him and smiled. "Waiiiiii! Frieza, you're so strong...!"

He smiled smugly. "Naturally! I'm the strongest of all, so why do I need that thing? It's not going to tell me anyone's stronger than me, and everyone's so much weaker than me, what's the point on knowing exactly how much?"

"Well," she reasoned, "your men are weak so they'll still need them, though."

He thought about it, rubbing his chin, and then smiled. "Okay, I don't think they really do, but I'll order a batch just because we're friends! How many thousands can you have prepared by this weekend?"

"Let's see, it'll depend on how many slave factories Daddy can lend..."

---

"... don't react that way," Frieza scowled at the assembled, stunned Ala Alba sitting around the dining table. "Lalachi's the only reason why I won't destroy your pitiful planet, so I won't have you thinking anything bad about our beautiful friendship!"

Lala giggled, pouring him more tea. "Oh, you say the funniest things! Did I mention Run-chan's studying here too? Why don't we go visit her now? She always made the funniest sounds whenever she saw you...!"

 

What If...?

"Oh, Sensei, back home at last?" Chisame asked without looking up from the computer. "Took you long enough, what did delay you?"

"Well, you'll see," Negi sighed while hanging his jacket by the door, "I was coming back from the teachers' meeting, and doubling around a corner, you could say that I found... a poor soul in need I had to bring along..."

"Hrrrm, all stray cats are to be given to Chachamaru, I don't like having those things around," Chisame frowned. "We aren't supposed to be keeping pets without a special license anyway, the Headmaster makes an exception for yours because he talks..."

"That won't be a problem, I can speak as well," said the woman in the purple robes and hood standing by Negi.

Chisame stiffened in place.

Satomi stared at the newcomer. "Well, I think Chachamaru would take her in regardless, but I can't speak for Eva-san..."

 

Servants who Never Should be Summoned.

Archer.

Beast VII smiled, or made something like a smile, at the last Servant standing. She could allow for it, she had triumphed after all, of which there never had been any doubt.

"And who are you, to stand before me when all others have fallen? An Archer, is that right? What is the manner of your bow? I will allow you to make an attempt before obliterating you."

"I don't shoot with bow or gun," the man said, grimly undoing the lower half of his robes and pulling something out. Beast VII made a sound as this something was aimed to her face, and a vigorous motion was initiated. "For my name is ONAN...!"

The sound became a girlish shriek of defeat as this thing shot forward.

In hindsight, it had been a bad choice for the Beast, that of selecting a virginal, innocent young lady as a host body.

 

What is Yu Doing in the Stay Night Timeline?

The door opened, and out peeked a frowning face behind glasses.

Shirou smiled, holding the large bag up. "Good evening, Ma'am! Your delivery from the Copenhagen, just as--"

Akuta Hinako sneered, snatched the bag at the same time as she pushed several crumpled bills in his hand, and then slammed the door on his face.

Shirou sighed, turned around, and began walking away.

Poor woman. Apparently she never did anything but sitting alone in her apartment ordering strong drink? What had she ever lost to end up that way?

If only she had something to give her some purpose.

 

But, is Being in Space Jam 2 an Achievement?

"I heard he's going to be in Space Jam 2," Bruce Wayne said despondently, sitting in the Batcave with his cowl down.

Alfred approached him. "I beg your pardon, Sir?"

Bruce sighed. "I wasn't called for Space Jam 2. First he gets his own movie without me..."

"Child You was in that movie, Master Bruce."

"Not the same! Next he gets to be Mortal Kombat 11, I wasn't even considered there..."

"You don't kill, Sir."

"But, but Mortal Kombat versus the DC Universe! There's precedent!"

"Everyone hated that game, Master Bruce!"

"It didn't hurt his chances for a comeback! And now he even gets to be in Space Jam 2! I, I mean, even Scarecrow just got to be in a Scooby Doo movie and nobody invited me there either!"

He put his face in his mighty hands and sobbed. "Eighty years, Alfred! It's been eighty years of them depending on me, and suddenly, they don't need me anymore...!"

"Look at it this way, Master Bruce. Miss Quinn's movie tanked..."

 

Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon is the creation and intellectual property of Takeuchi Naoko and Shueisha.

Mahou Sensei Negima! is the creation and intellectual property of Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha.

Batman and all related elements are the intellectual property of DC Comics.

Mai HiME is the creation and intellectual property of Sunrise.

Ai Yori Aoshi is the creation and intellectual property of Fumizuki Kou and Hakusensha.

Shin Seiki Evangelion is the creation and intellectual property of Anno Hideaki and Gainax/Studio Kharas.

---

Unequally Rational and Emotional: Promise of the Rose.

---

Tsukino Usagi could live with the knowledge she had a daughter in the faraway future. That was... sort of cool, as a matter of fact.

She also could tolerate with that kid being a bit of a mouthy brat. That was the way all kids but Negi-sensei were after all, right? Usagi's brother was much worse, so in comparison Chibi-Usa was even somewhat likable when you got to know her. Hopefully, Future Usagi would eventually mold her into an alright woman.

Hell, even the fact said daughter was also the fruit of artificial insemination by the boyfriend (and future husband) of one of Usagi's best friends was something Usagi had eventually made her peace with. Sure, she still was a bit pissed off at far future technology over not being advanced enough as to make her a daughter by Rei-chan, but... no point of crying over milk yet to be spilled, right? No, wait, that didn't sound right.

Anywayyyyyy... in any case, Usagi had come to accept Chibi-Usa for what she was, and even though she wouldn't admit it, she even cared deeply about the little pink spore, except because, well...

Did she really have to be that clingy about her own future father?! Jesus, that was disturbing!

"Mamo-chaaaaaan, don't space out like that!" Tsukino Usagi Redux said, tugging on the black haired young man's sleeve. "You aren't finding this boring, are you?!"

Chiba Mamoru blinked himself back to full awareness, as the girls gathered around him also snapped from their shared boredom to look at him. Only Pamela Isley kept on both distracted from him and fascinated by the flower displays in front of them, softly cooing at the gorgeous floral arrangements in their complete majesty, and occassionally reaching over to caress them despite all the signs telling her not to.

"Ah? Sorry, Chibi-chan, I guess.. I didn't sleep all that well last night," the college student said, briefly rubbing himself on the bridge of the nose. "As long as you enjoy this, so will I, of course."

"Yes!" Chibi-Usa beamed a beautiful smile, retaking her position by Isley as Shiho, Minako and Harley all groaned. "See these? They are forget-me-nots, symbols of true, everlasting love! The gardens back at home are full of them!"

"Then haven't you looked at them enough times by now?" Harleen Quinzel complained, holding her cellphone up and rotating it around to take footage of all the displays around.
"C'mon, let's just go hit the pizza place already! You can watch the recording all night long tonite if you want to!"

Chibi-Usa and Ivy shared an annoyed glance. "Philistines," the little girl said.

"Definitely," the shapely red haired woman agreed. "Everyone knows no tour of Ohtori is complete with a full lenght leisure visit to the Botanic Garden."

Miyuki Mayu frowned and tapped her foot on the floor. "We've been here for over a hour already! It was pleasant at first, but I was told we'd visit the concert hall before closing time as well!"

Chibi-Usa hugged Mamoru's arm tighter. "Well, nobody's stopping you from leaving! Pammy, Mamo-chan and I will just stay and that'll be the best for everyone involved, right, Mamo-chan?!"

"Well, uh, I don't think it'd be fair for everyone else, Chibi-chan..." he tried to put it as delicately as possible.

Aino Minako clenched a forced smile. "Mamo-chan's right, Chibi-chan, you don't want to be a selfish little princess now, do you? Your mommies and your dear auntie Venus would be so disappointed on you... Also, hand this back, will you," she added, suddenly grabbing a sighing Mamoru by the other arm and yanking him to her.

"Well, you obviously aren't enjoying being here, so you aren't enjoying being with Mamo-chan like I am!" Chibi-Usa said, pulling back from her own side and staring daggers at Minako. "Mom, Gothy-chan, back me up here! True love's all about being willing to be with someone even in places where you don't want to be, right?!"

Tomoe Hotaru nodded very quickly, large purple eyes very fixed on Chibi-Usa. "Yes. Yes, it is, Chibi-Usa-chan!"

"Chibi, stop abusing Hotaru-chan like that," Usagi moaned. "You know she's finding this as much of a drag as the rest of us, and love's also about not testing the tolerance of your loved ones just so you can get things your way."

"Wow, that's actually rather insightful and deep for you, Usagi," Shiho blinked.

"I, I'm not!" Hotaru lied. "I could be here for hours and hours finding it an enriching life experience...!"

"See, she said it herself!" Chibi-Usa told Usagi and Minako while pointing at Hotaru. "The four of us stay then, the rest of you can go anywhere else! I think it's time for me to cut the umbilical cord already, Mom!"

"That's not what you say when you want me to wash your clothes for you, missy!" Usagi challenged back.

"That's the least you can do for an illustrious houseguest!"

"It's more like washing her own clothes is the least a guest could do for the hostess feeding her!" Minako cut in. "I can't believe you're being this selfcentered in front of Mamo-chan, he- Mamo-chan?!" she blinked, realizing she had her arm wrapped around air now, and so did a startled Chibi-Usa.

"He just walked out, saying he needed some fresh air," the tall, dignified Ookuchi Akira said, pointing at the gates of the massive Ohtori Imperial Hothouse, while Akagi Ritsuko stood by her side, silently chatting through her smartphone with a colleague from the job.

"Well, why didn't you just say so before?!" Chibi-Usa, Usagi and Minako said all at once, then rushed out leaving Akira, Ritsuko, Shiho, Hotaru, Mayu, Harley and Pamela behind.

They all shared a quiet glare for a few seconds after that.

"... remind me, why are we all friends again?" Harley said after that.

---

Mamoru indeed stood outside now, under the fresh shade of a large tree, sighing to himself. Then the breeze sent several pink petals flying his way, and he casually brushed them off, thinking about the strange twists his life had taken of late.

The breeze grew stonger, as did the flux of flying petals. Mamoru frowned, looking up at the sky, which was turning darker. "Oh, right what we needed, too," he muttered, having grown savvy about these matters. "Okay, who are you this time, any idiot could realize this is the work of a-"

"Waiiiii!" he heard Minako prancing behind him then, running around under the rain of petals along Usagi, Chibi-Usa and Harley, while the rest of Senshi dragged their feet out of the hothouse. "What a nice, completely natural phenomenon...!"

"Boy, it's nice to have something like this after so many weeks battling ill omens then bringing weirdo supervillains along!" Usagi laughed.

"I know, right?!" Harley giggled, flicking far too many petals out of her eyes. "I can't believe all those morons ran away just because of this! I mean, the only one who would attack mankind with petals would be Red, and she's right here on our side!" She stopped abruptly and gave Ivy a now deeply worried look. "I mean, this ain't you, rights, Red?"

Ivy exhaled stoically and shook her head. "No, Harley, I wasn't going to do anything like this for a couple weeks. We're supposed to be on vacation, remember..."

Akira took a hand to her own mouth. "The Vacation Law!" she gasped quietly. "Ala Alba have warned me about this!"

"Isn't that only when you take the effort to travel all the way out of town to go on a vacation?" Shiho asked.

"We're in Ohtori, aren't we?" Mayu pondered, rubbing her chin. "Is that far enough as to count? Akagi-sensei, this is in your logs, right? That's why you actually agreed to come with us, isn't it?"

"I'm as surprised by this completely unexpected turn of events as you are," the bottle blonde said flatly, pocketing the phone back, "and I have no idea whatsoever about that gentleman coming our way."

Indeed, a young man around Mamoru's age, with short brown hair and the looks of a male supermodel, was walking towards them now, with his hands in the pockets of his pants. Hotaru narrowed her eyes, grabbing Chibi-Usa by an arm and pulling her towards herself. "I can feel evil!" she hissed.

"I can feel gay!" Harley added. "Not that they are both related, of course!"

Minako and Chibi-Usa began twitching their eyebrows, seeing how Mamoru was gaping and staring at this man stopping shortly before them, the petals increasing specifically around them. He had paled, and the stranger smiled at him, a strange glint in his pale eyes.

"Well," the stranger said after a moment. "It has been far too long, Mamo-kun."

"Excuse me... Do I know you?" Mamoru asked dubiously.

"I'm Fiore," the young man said pleasantly. "I suppose I have changed a lot, haven't I? I'm sorry, I made you wait too long..."

"What?" Mamoru did his best Emiya Shirou impression as Minako and Chibi-Usa, again, clung to his arms and joined forces on giving this man the Death Glare.

"It took me so long, to find the proper flower for you," the man apologized, bowed his head to him. "I looked everywhere, never resting, but it was not-"

"No, seriously, who are you, please?" Mamoru insisted. "Sorry, you seem vaguely familiar, but..."

He chuckled, extending a hand forward. "Come on, my friend! Surely, you haven't forgotten our promise!"

"Ah!" Shiho perked up, now feeling something of a kindred soul in play, and already making Hotaru, Mayu and Akira glance carefully at her. "A childhood friend...!"

"You could say so," this 'Fiore' suddenly took Mamoru's hand in his, making Minako and Chibi-Usa to pull back in a gasping fit. "Lifelong friends, that's the term I would use, for-"

And now, Minako was stepping in between them, slapping Fiore's hand away. "Personal space...!" she said. "Look, Mister, if you really are a friend of Mamo-chan, then nice to meet you, but if someone tells you they don't remember you, then it's not cool to just-!"

Jarringly shifting into an icy sneer, the offended young man spun around to shove her back. "Get out of our way."

"- waaaahhhh!" Minako lost balance and dropped on her ass, flailing her arms as she hit the ground. "What the-?! Okay, I could have reacted better, but that's no excuse...!"

"Mina-chan!" Mamoru gulped, rushing to her side to check her out. "Are you alright?!"

"Not cool, man," Usagi told the scoffing young man. "She's your buddy's girlfriend, didn't you know that? If he hadn't told you, I guess you aren't such good pals after all..."

"His... girlfriend?" he scowled, turning that dead, chilling stare on her now. "I see."

And he began walking away, the rain of petals pulling back as he retreated. "Something will have to be done about this," he mused aloud. "If you won't remember, I'll make you remember, Mamo-kun."

Harley shook a fist after him. "Hey, now I remember why we're friends! It's 'cause I can't take it when assholes do this to my homies! Come back here, Nancy-Boy! Nobody messes with my gals and just walks away like that! I'm gonna punk your flat ass so hard that you'll-!"

And then he disappeared in a jarring explosion of bursting pink petals all around him, causing most of the Senshi but the ever unflappable Ritsuko pull back gasping.

Mayu turned in mild panic to Doctor Akagi. "Okay, now I'm one hundred sure you know about this man!"

Ritsuko shrugged. "Am I supposed to keep complete tabs of Chiba-kun's love life? Don't you think I might have better things to keep personal records on? I mean, I must have those parts filed somewhere, but..."

"Love life?!" Minako and Chibi-Usa chorused.

"D-Don't tell them that kind of things, they're getting the wrong idea!" Mamoru protested. "Seriously, I have no idea what's his deal about! Maybe he's a Dark Agency leftover out to mess with us, or something like that!"

"It's okay if you ever experimented around during your youth, that's part of a normal path of self discovery and identity reaffirming," Pamela calmly lectured him. "That's how I found out I was pansexual, with a main Batsexual vein to my leanings."

"I'm not attracted to people of my own gender, and much less to Batman!" he told her.

Harley chuckled. "And now we know for real you're lying...! Everyone's sexually attracted to Batman...!"