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OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

Servants who Never should be Summoned.



"Congratulations, last Master," Oberon said, standing over Ritsuka, "for making it further than I ever expected you to. But ultimately, it is no matter. Your so-called normal course of Human History will remain deleted, and--"

Ritsuka clenched his teeth. "Professor Palmer," he said through the pain. "Do it now!"

"Professor Palmer? Who is--" Oberon said, right before his head exploded from within, as a man in blue and red tights grew up to normal size inside of it.

Someone rang the door. Chisame went to see who it was.

It was Artoria, Jackie, Teach, Kintoki and Ana.

"Trick or treat!" Artoria said. "We are in costume as King Arthur, Jack the Ripper, Blackbeard, Kintoki Sakata and Medusa."

Chisame blinked, then sighed and filled the bags extended towards her.

She walked back to Negi and sat down next to him. "History's greatest have less dignity than I'd expected them to," she said.
April Fools Day.

Negi walked into the classroom.

"Good morning, class," he said. "Today, we are going to--"

He paused, with his eyes growing very wide for a moment.

Before him sat in the classroom Mash Kyrielight, Artoria Pendragon, Leonardo da Vinci, Medea, Miyamoto Musashi, Minamoto-no-Raikou, Medb, Mordred Pendragon, Martha, Frankenstein's monster, Jeanne d'Arc, Nitocris, Marie Antoinette, Katsushika Oui, Altera, Arcueid Brunestud, Anne Bonny, Mary Read, Qin Liangyu, Calamity Jane, Anastasia Romanova, Stheno, Euryale, Helena Blavatsky, Osakabehime, Yu Meiren, Shikibu Murasaki, Charlotte Corday, Okita Souji, Oda Nobunaga and Nero. All of them in school uniforms.

Negi's eyes narrowed again. "Ha-ha, very funny," he said. "I didn't see it coming..."

"What do you mean?" Mordred asked him.

Negi exhaled and shook his head. "Okay, where are my students now..."

"We are your students, Sensei!" Katsushika said.

Negi began massaging his temples. "Seriously, if the Headmaster or Nitta-sensei happened to walk in, I'd never hear the end of it..."

Musashi grinned. "Ah! I know! Maybe Sensei accidentally rayshifted on his own into this reality, which is why he doesn't recognize us?"

"RITSUKA-SAAAAAAAAN!" Negi called out.

Crouched outside, right under the window, Class 3-A winced collectively. "I told you he wouldn't fall for it," Yuuna said in a low voice.

"Give them some more time!" Misora insisted in hushed tones. "They'll convince him yet...!"

Mordred, Ibaraki Douji, Ushiwakamaru and Artoria Caster sat by the sea, enjoying the sun.

Blackbeard, Fionn, Cu Chulainn and Orion passed by, all with vague looks in their eyes and faraway smiles, singing softly to themselves.

"Oh say, can you see, by the dawn's early light..."

Ibaraki blinked. "Now what happened to them?"

Musashi passed by next, happily eating an ice cream come and wearing her American flag bikini.

"Oh," Mordred said dryly. "Of course."
That Exotic Taste!

"Good morning," Molay said while walking into the cafeteria. "I would like a--"

"Third Ascension! THIRD ASCENSION! THIRD ASCENSION!" chanted everyone in the cafeteria.

Molay blinked, sighed, and walked out. One second later, she walked back in, now in her Third Ascension form.

She sat down and picked a menu card up. "What would you even do if you'd summoned Saber Me instead?" she grouched.
... but she is MY Idiot.

"And stay down! Enough of this!" Artoria growled, stomping Artoria Alter again. "You bring a great shame to our name!"

Weakened from her battle with Jeanne Alter, Artoria Alter growled weakly, and then dropped unconscious.

"And you! Little sister, I'm almost ashamed of you!" Jeanne shouted, bringing the standard down on her Alter again. "Time and time again, you let the sin of Wrath take over you... why?!"

Jeanne Alter would have answered in a non too polite fashion but, likewise drained of mana, also fell asleep at Jeanne's feet.

Saber and Ruler panted, victorious over their unruly counterparts at the middle of all the wreckage.

Saber huffed. "I cannot believe her! Picking fights with her at any chance she gets!"

"Yes," Ruler scowled. "I wonder what makes them so drawn to violence towards each other?"

Saber pondered that puzzle. "... in all honesty." she said after several moments, "Jeanne Alter started it."

"What? No!" Jeanne said. "I was here when they began arguing! Your sister was the first to provoke her!"

"She's not my sister, and I was in listening range as well!" the other blonde argued, "But your sister was the first to actually deploy physical violence!"

"Was she supposed to let herself be berated?!"

"Well, the Christian doctrine says we must turn the other cheek!"

"As if your Alter ever did that! Even the Lady Martha doesn't, and she is as saintly as they can come! We are all warriors after all, it's just logical she would have a breaking point! She doesn't even know any better, fury is what she was created for! But your sister--"

"My other self!" Artoria amended her, growing angered.

"That is it!" Jeanne shook a hand. "She, unlike Sister, can restrain herself, she just chooses to--"

"She cannot help herself either! She is corrupted by the Mud!"

"Oh, even the Mud himself does not behave that badly!" Jeanne said, pointing at Angra Mainyu, who sat at a corner eating melon bread.

Avenger blinked and waved at the two.

"You always excuse her! You enabler of evil!" Artoria said.

"My sister is nowhere as bad as your sister!" Jeanne said.

"She's not my sister!"

"You would even forsake her relationship to you! But I imagine that shouldn't surprise anyone, after your treatment of Mordred!"

"That was enough, you Frenchwoman...!" Artoria roared, leaping at her.

They began fighting heavily. Jeanne Alter and Saber Alter blinked in confusion, working back to a standing position, and then began battling once more, as well.

Artoria Lily and Jeanne Santa Lily watched from a distance, shocked.

"Is... Is that what waits for us, when we grow up?" Artoria Lily dreaded.

"Servants don't grow up," Jeanne Lily reminded her.

"And thank God for that!"

They turned around, and hastily walked away together.
Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder.

They sat by the fountain of the palace, away from the others.

Hakase shifted uneasily in her long white dress. "I still feel so uncomfortable in these," she shared.

Negi smiled, contemplating the way her loose black hair fell around her slim shoulders. "They make you look very pretty, though," he said. "And the Governor seems to agree with me on that matter."

"Please don't even bring him up, Sensei, he repels me," the girl told him. She smiled as well, resting her chin on her steppled fingers. "You have grown even more handsome than before, however."

Negi laughed weakly. "Please don't say that. Should Sakurako hear you..."

"She thinks so too," Satomi said, reaching over and playing with his hair. "Sensei. It's been a very long while since we interacted intensively, hasn't it?"

"Define 'intensively'," he said.

She sighed. "Even as roommates, we had somewhat drifted apart even before this trip. I didn't realize it until we were separated. But ever since, I never stopped thinking about you and Chisame, Negi-sensei."


"I wonder," she said, bringing her face close to his, "if you still have the same taste."

She kissed him, before he could speak. It was a different kiss from their first one so many months ago. Now she kissed more like Madoka or Yue. Lacking Haruka's raw clumsy enthusiasm, Louise's angry vigor or Misa's deep passion, but steady and firm, soft but never lingering, with weight and a solid quality to it.

He spoke about it as soon as she pulled back. "Your way of kissing has changed."

"So has yours. I've been learning from Sakurako."

"Ah, naturally..."

She smiled again, with some of the old bashful innocence she used to have, and he smiled in turn, hoping he also was reflecting something of what he was back then.

And then she said it.

"I love you."

Thankfully for Negi, that was the moment Sextum chose to attack the ball.
Not the Comforting Type.

She was still stealthy as ever. And while Negi's senses had grown much sharper, his current sorrow had dulled them for now. So he didn't feel her coming until she was right behind him.

"You should stop crying," she told him.

"I'm not crying," he said, sobbing the tears back even further.

"You're crying inside," she said, sitting next to him. "We all know. And, I should know better than the others."

"I know what you're going to tell me," he said, looking the opposite way. "You are going to tease me, your point basically being that I need being strong, and that odds are, we'll have to kill Father. Concerning the first of those parts, I know. Regarding the second one, I will indeed sav--"

"I didn't come here to tease or comfort you, but neither to torment you," she said.

"Then why are you here?"

"I have no idea," Tsukuyomi admitted. "Maybe I'm just frustrated at you. Before, I could have tortured you about what we just learned, about your father. I'd have enjoyed it a lot...! But now, I can't find any amusement in that thought. You have ruined me, Negi-han," she sighed, running a hand down his arm, "but you haven't 'fixed' me either. I'm still not the comforting type. I still can't bring anyone hope. Maybe I'll never be able to."

She extended her arms and, much to his surprise, hugged him, holding him against her. "However... I still can find some pleasure from contact. In a way, I hope you still feel the same too. Because I don't hate you. If you're going to be in pain, I'll be at your side, if you'll let me. Maybe I'll enjoy your suffering, if I reconnect with that part of myself. But maybe, just maybe, I'll also enjoy helping you, if you make me a 'better' person instead. Consider this a test, as my own brand of favor for you. If you can't save me, you can't save your father either."

Slowly, he hugged her back. "Do you want to be saved, Tsukuyomi?"

"All I want know, Negi-han," was her answer, "is that you keep holding me. We'll figure the rest out later."

So he did.
A Return to Negima Meets Fate Grand Order!

"Well, that was a brilliantly fought battle, Professor," Marie Antoinette said, bowing to Negi. "My congratulations!"

"Oh," Negi said. "It's nothing! You were the key to the victory, I should be the one flattering you!"

Marie smiled, put her hands on Negi's shoulders, and squeezed them. "You remind me a lot of my son."

Her lower lip tightened as she looked at his face, but when he was about to say something in return, she just laughed and waved him off. "Well, it's time for you to go back to Mademoiselle Chisame, Mordred and Osakabehime! Good boys should go to bed early after intensive exercise, okay?"

Negi hesitated, but then nodded, smiled, waved off, and went his way.

Marie looked after him in silence.

Setsuna, who had been watching over them in turn, silently retreated to her room. She sat down, turned the laptop Konoka had given her on, and made an Internet search.

After some minutes of reading, she began crying in silence.

Outside, Marie slowly came down to her knees and buried her face in her hands.

Chao and Natsumi sat on the grass, eating meat buns while watching their classmates bickering and frolicking.

Natsumi scowled. "If Sensei really is your ancestor, what were you trying to achieve by having him turned into an ermine? Were you born an ermine?"

Chao laughed. "Ah ha ha, of course not, Natsumi-chan! What a silly thing to ask!"

"Then you wouldn't have been born?" Natsumi asked her. "Were you willing to do something that would erase you from ever existing?!"

Chao took on a much more serious, even somber tone. "There are causes worthy enough to sacrifice your very being, Natsumi-chan. Sorry to offend, but maybe you wouldn't understand. You weren't there."

"You mean I won't be there."

"Oh, you will, at least until a certain point."

"Well, that's not worrying or anything..."

"Oh, I do understand. Perfectly, if I may say so myself," commented Himemiya's Archer from where he stood nearby cooking more of said meat buns.

Shirou gasped. "Oh dear God! Now I understand! Your animosity towards me, combined with your creepy knowledge about my life! I... I am your grandfather?!"

Archer glared at him, then threw a steaming bun at his face.
One Way or Another.

"Sensei... could you give me something to wipe these freckles out?" Natsumi asked him.

Negi looked at her. "Sure thing, I could. But are you sure that's what you want?"

"Why wouldn't I want it?"

"Well, I know it's just my opinion, but I like them, and I know that many others, like Chizuru, also do."

"Oh," Natsumi said. There was a pause. "Then, could you give me something so I can have even more freckles?"

"I suppose I should have been clearer," he sighed. "I like the freckles the way they are."

Natsumi kept on staring at him for a moment, then blinked, turned around and walked away. "What an appearances-based way of thinking!"

Negi stared after her helplessly, and slumped down. "I'm sure I had a very good point when this conversation started. I wonder what happened to it along the way..."
Repent, Sinner.

Martha stood her ground valiantly against the golden king. "Oooooo, I've have had enough of you!" She bristled. "That's it! You have commited every conceivable capital sin!"

"How so?" Gilgamesh asked.

"Lust!" Martha said. "You are always lecherously stalking King Artoria, without any shame!"

Gilgamesh made a non commiting low sound.

"Greed!" Martha said. "You own all manners of material wealth, yet you always crave for more!"

Gilgamesh folded his arms.

"Pride!" Martha said. "You believe yourself superior to everyone else!"

Gilgamesh rolled his eyes back.

"Envy!" Martha said. "Whenever someone has something you don't own, you resent them, going as far as to try to take it from them!"

Gilgamesh rubbed his chin.

"Sloth!" Martha said. "When not with women or fighting you spend your time lounging around, just playing videogames and reading old magazines!"

Gilgamesh flipped through his favorite issue of Swimsuit Saberfaces, uninterested on her.

"Anger!" Martha said. "You are very easily provoked into violent reactions!"

A vein bulged on Gilgamesh's temple.

"Gluttony!" Martha said. "You just took my muffins! And you didn't even ask first! How can you defend yourself?!"

After a moment of pensive introspection, Gilgamesh broke into laughter. "I can't! UFAFAFAFA!"

Martha blinked. "Ah?"

"I am all of those things!" he told her. "A king must be all encompassing and intense! He must be the biggest even in his vices! He also must experiment everything to be able to claim a solid life experience, woman! That is obvious!"


"And then what did you do?" Jeanne Alter asked her. "Did you condemn him to the hideous flames of hell?"

"I went for more muffins," Martha sighed. "By now I'm just afraid he'd take over that place!"
Asuna-san can't Communicate.

"That is Kagurazaka Asuna," Shizuna said, signaling towards a girl with very long reddish and twin tailed hair. She also had very round and very open mismatched eyes-- one blue, the other green-- and a complete seeming lack of a mouth on her face, like a character from a gag manga.

Asuna-san was being ranted to by the blonde student Negi had been introduced to as Yukihiro Ayaka.

"Asuna has Social Anxiety Syndrome," Shizuna exhaled, "so it's difficult for her to communicate..."

Asuna pulled a fist back and punched Ayaka squarely on the middle of her face.

"Verbally, that is," Shizuna said.

Negi smiled and winced, nursing an old wound. "Don't worry, Minamoto-sensei. I'm familiar with this behavior disorder. My friend Anya had it too..."
The Two Lolis who Prank you Very, Very, Very Much.

Aijou Rentarou was walking down the beach when he heard a high pitched happy voice coming from behind.

"Senpai...! You are Aijou-senpai, right...?!"

He turned around and saw a brightly smiling small girl with pink hair in a matchingly pink bikini running at him. "How do you do?!" she said. "I'm Narutaki Fuuka, from Negi-sensei's Class 3-Aaaaaaahhhhhh!"

She halted and opened her mouth widely, at the same time as, with the silence and stealth of a kunoichi, Fumika came behind him and placed a special tazer on his back, turning it on at the lowest power.

Fuuka backed away gasping aloud. "S-Senpai! Ahh! When our eyes met... Surely you felt it as well?!"

Rentarou blinked, then laughed. "Ah ha ha ha! Nice try, girls! But the Love Spark doesn't feel like that at all! It's something much more wonderful, much more intense, a sensation like no other, a thing that jolts your heart and melts your brain. Ahhhh, the happiness of those memories! Each time different and yet all equally incredible, just like all of the girls. I couldn't mistake it with anything else, I find myself troubled by the task of describing it, so I'll do it case by case as best as I can! When my gaze first locked with Hakari's--"

He began ranting on and on and on and on and on with large pink hearts flowing out of him, while the twins watched on with disgust.

After several moments, they turned around and began walking away without him noticing, enraptured by his memories and still ranting.

"Our first segment in so long, and it's this dud," Fuuka grouched.


Superman's Pest Lois Lane.

Lois stomped into the office drenched from head to toe, black hair dropped all over her face and her fine 1961 suit a mess.

"What happened this time?" Jimmy asked from his typewriter.

"I was held hostage by Black Manta! And Superman just rescued me! That big ox!"

"If he rescued you, why are you so angry at him?"

"Because it took him two hours to find us! All the while Manta wouldn't stop ranting and showing me his stupid plans to put Aquaman in a giant hair dryer, blowing all the water out of him! Oh, it makes me so mad! Your stupid watch!"

Jimmy blinked. "What about my watch?"

"Why don't I have my own signal watch?! Why did he give you one, but not me?! If I had one he'd find me a lot faster!"

"... maybe it's just because I don't try to find out and reveal his secret identity once a week?"

"You do that at least twice a year though."

"Usually because you prod me into it, Miss La--"

"Ahhhh, forget it!" Lois grunted, stomping over to her desk and sitting down.

There was silence for a few moments.

"What were you doing in Black Manta's territory anyway?" Jimmy dared asking.

"I can move on too, you know! I was trying to find out and reveal AQUAMAN'S secret identity! I'm not an one trick pony! I can be versatile!"

"But... Aquaman doesn't have a secret identity," Jimmy said.

She looked at him. "He doesn't?"
My First Kiss.

"I've heard about you and Negi," Keiichi said at last, and he rasped softly. He looked aside, even though Skuld had her back turned on him. "Congratulations..."

"Congratulations on what?" Skuld asked sharply. "They told you I didn't accept, did they?"

Oh please don't make this even more difficult, Keiichi thought, struggling to find what to answer. Finally, he settled with a "W-Well, what they told me is that you told him you'd think about it, b-but--"

"That was just a way of taking it easy on him," Skuld growled, "but I never intended to give it a second thought."

"But... he is intelligent, strong, set to inherit a great fortune, and fated for great things," the young man said. "I know you're a goddess, but... if anyone I've ever known has a chance of ascend to be worthy of someone like you... that's him."

"I don't care," Skuld grumbled, bringing a fist up to her mouth, and biting on her knuckles.

"There was someone before, wasn't there?" Keiichi said, unable to help himself from smiling a bit, even if sadly.

"Think whatever you want."

"There must be," Keiichi said, also unable to help himself now. "A cute girl like you, there must have been some young god who--"


Keiichi blinked. "Ahhhh... a young goddess, then?"

Skuld spun around on her heels angrily, staring blazes at him. She extended a hand aside, and her mallet flew to it. Morisato braced himself for impact, but not before saying, "Whoever it is, you deserve only the best, Sku-chan!"

Her face turned dark red, and she seethed, almost tearfully for some reason. "W-Well, I won't have it!" she said, still holding the mallet up.

I don't want the best. That's the awful part. I'm just like Belldandy, that way...

She sighed. "Negi... is not a really good kisser, no matter what Haruna and the others may say. Even Makie kisses better. Hrrrrmmmm... Even you kiss better!"

Keiichi blinked a few times, and then smiled again, now more widely. "For real? Oh, thank you..."

"How long will it take for both of you to realize it?" Tsukuyomi asked, popping casually out the closest window while munching on a snack. "Either you are the biggest morons in the world, or the best at pretending you are...!"

She barely did duck in time before the mallet thrown by Skuld passed through where her head had been and embedded itself on the wall behind her.
Tales from the Unequal Sailor Senshi.

"I've gotta hand you this," Shiho told her after everything was done and peace had returned. "For all of your lack of scruples, you could have used your mind control powers on us and yet you never did. I respect you for that."

"Actually," Ivy told her, "in your case, it's just that I find you too disgusting to even touch, much less kiss."

Shiho paused for a moment, then blinked. "Oh," she said blandly.

Ivy raised a red eyebrow. "What? Aren't you going to lash out at me? Won't you try to retaliate violently?"

"No, why should I? I have no interest on you either, why would I care if you liked me or not?" Shiho shrugged, and then walked away.

Ivy stared on after her.


"Reeeeeeed, come to bed already," Harley yawned, turning on the bedsheets. "What's been buggin' ya all day long?"

Ivy kept on looking at the mirror with a haunted expression. "Harley, be honest with me. Am I getting old?"
Fate Meets Negima Again.

"So, how is having Mademoiselle Konoka for a Master?" Marie asked.

"I cannot complain. She is attentive, kind, and a wonderful cook," Okita said. "How is having Sakurazaki-san for a Master?"

"Oh, I can't complain either! She is so loyal, useful as a partner in combat, and so very mindful of my needs!"

They paused in silence, staring at each other.

"She makes you wear a black wig and act out elaborate fantasy scenarios where you rescue her from enemies, doesn't she?" Marie asked.

"She makes you wear a black wig and act out elaborate fantasy scenarios where she rescues you from enemies, doesn't she?" Okita asked.

"Yes," they said at the same time.

They hugged each other in sympathy.
Let's Go for Supper!

"Professor Negi?" Martha said. "To what do I owe this honor?"

The boy on the doorstep of her room (or was that her My Room?) smiled. "Good morning! I'd like to invite you for a dinner tonight!"

"Oh, it'll be my pleasure!" Martha said. Then she made a pause and asked a bit warily, "But first, I must know, how many of us will be there?"

"Let's see," Negi said, "it'll be you, me, Chisame, Karin-san, Misora, Cocone-chan, Kotaro, Nodoka, Yue, Haruna, Rito-san, Saber-san and Shirou-san. Why do you ask?"

Martha counted with her fingers for a moment and then told him, "Ohhhhh, no! Either invite someone else or drop Karin from the list, but otherwise you should NOT do that!"
Fate Meets Negima! Summer Edition.

Carmilla smiled sultrily, lowering her sunglasses just enough to give the tiny blonde in the black bikini a longing look. "Lovely sweet young thing, would you like a ride in my car? I promise I will show you a whole all new gamut of thrills, since you seem to have led much of a sheltered life."

Evangeline smiled back. "That sounds fun indeed. Let's go, big sister!"


Mash and Ritsuka walked over to Carmilla's sports car, left by the sea with the driver's door open and a twitching Carmilla, with her bikini top hanging quite loose and with very deep bite marks all over her, all but spilling out, her torso and face splayed over the sand.

"I'm very, very, very afraid to ask," Ritsuka said.

"I'm in love...!" Carmilla whined in a highly strained vocal whiff.
Fate Meets Negima- Requiem for Fate Requiem.

"I can't go," Jeanne Alter growled, still hunchbacked over the sheets and drawing furiously.

"I told you so," Chisame said, standing before Alter's drawing board with Negi, Ritsuka and Erice.

"But why?" Negi asked.

"Can't you see, you idiot?" Alter snapped. "I have to deliver this doujinshi in time!"

"It's only a dumb doujinshi! Even if you're a Servant, you're gonna work yourself to death over nothing! Just look at what happened to Caster Gilgamesh!" Chisame snapped back.

"And you just look at what happened in Serva Fest!" the upset woman said, never stopping drawing with frantic vigor. "I'm not taking the risk of letting Medb and BB wrecking everything up again, just becasue I'm outdone! No matter what that stupid Haruna tells you, responsibility and a timely delivery are a key part of this craft!"

"Oh, come on," Erice said. "Surely even BB is not crazy enough to try the same kind of plan again...!"

"Even if she doesn't, I have a self imposed duty of honor!" Jeanne said, taking a second to point at Erice with her inking pen. "I'm not like that kind of lazy no good authors who would leave their stories hanging for years and-- Now what's gotten into you?!"

"I, I don't know...!" Erice said, suddenly crouching at a corner of the studio and sobbing to herself while Negi, Ritsuka and even Chisame looked at her with concern. "I, I, I just felt a deep pang in my heart when you said that, for some reason...!"
Planet of the Komis.

Tadano put his phone down, and hummed thoughtfully about what he'd just read.

"Najimi," he asked her (?) "Do you believe in aliens?"

"Um?" Najimi looked at him, still chewing on her (?) melon bread. "Ah, you're talking about the Tomobiki sightings! No, why would I? Think about it, Hitohito! If aliens were real, and they could come here anytime they wanted to, and they are so superior to us, why wouldn't they show up directly? Just land those UFOs already, right?!"

"Well, there could be many reasons," Tadano said. "They might be running a hand off surveillance, or they might be vulnerable to our germs, or-- or--"

Then both of them looked towards Komi, who just sat there, very still and wide eyed, eating her own melon bread in delicate small bites.

Up, up, up in the sky, through several atmospheric layers, in the confines of outer space, a large saucer shaped ship hovered.

Inside, several strikingly beautiful young women with long black hair and very fair skin, wearing tiger striped bikinis, looked at each other with very wide and round open eyes. They fretted together in a nervous silence, and then sped away, embarrassed, to hover over the Atlantic Ocean instead.
Mahou Sensei Negima! is the creation and intellectual property of Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha.

Legends of Unequally Rational and Emotional.

Anything that Moves, Part One.

"This," Konoe Konoemon decided, folding the letter back into its envelope, "is bad."

The beautiful, quite buxom, yet classy blonde woman with glasses standing before the desk of his elegant and wide office arched an eyebrow. "How so, sir?"

The old man with the strangely shaped head allowed himself a dry sigh. Born and raised a muggle, Minamoto Shizuna, his loyal aide, had been in the dark about the existence of magic until a few years ago, and so there was still a lot she didn't know about the circles he frequented. So she most likely was going to find what she was about to say extremely puzzling.

"I don't have a lot of time left," he said. "I have just received a diagnose. What I have is impossible to operate."

The woman pulled back without even realizing it, beautiful clear eyes going wide. After a few seconds, she found it in her to say, in a strangled tone, "What... What you have, Sir?"

"Cancer," he said, folding his long bony hands together on the desk. "It was discovered only less than a month ago, so I hadn't told anyone yet. This is the confirmation of how terminal it is."

"But... But, Sir!" she said, genuinely startled and more than a bit afraid. "You, you have many more means at your avail than anyone else! Surely, there is something magic can do for you!"

"Yes, I suppose that I could lenghten my lifespan with relative ease," Konoemon philosophized. "I could turn myself into a vampiric revenant, for instance. I could become another Matou Zouken, preying on the young to revitalize myself constantly. But I have chosen not to. I wish to die with honor and dignity. Please me allow me as much, Shizuna-kun."

She felt her eyes watering, and promptly she lifted her glasses and rubbed the wetness away. "Sir, I... I... I don't know what to say!"

The old man chuckled softly. "Please don't be sad for me. I have had a very long life, much longer than you even suspect. I have long left behind the lifespan of a normal man. This is only the proper passage of time taking its fair toll on me."

He fell silent for several long contemplative moments while Shizuna, despite his advice, wept in silence. And then, finally, he told her, "Call Negi-kun over, please. There are several things I need telling him right now."
Negi T. Springfield, Hasegawa Chisame, Kasuga Misora, Hakase Satomi, Kakizaki Misa, Kagurazaka Asuna and Shiina Sakurako now- that being around fifteen minutes later- before that very same big desk of the Principal, facing the wise old man.

Negi had quickly caught on how only he and his Ministra Magi had been summoned for this sudden meeting. So he had deduced that his magical activities of late had been found out by the Headmaster. The way Shizuna-sensei stood behindthem all with her eyes reddened and her arms sorrowfully folded behind her back only added to that certainty.

Thankfully, Negi was (almost) always prepared for (almost) anything, like a junior Batman. So he always carried a humble resignation letter on his person, and he was ready to hand it over to Konoemon while giving a heartfelt apology speech. Negi was going through that speech in his head at the moment. He was getting to the part where he begged for his students' sake when he heard Konoemon saying,

"No doubt you are all wondering why I called you all here?"

Negi drew a deep breath in, knowing well that he had to answer on the behalf of his students. "We are completely certain about the validity and relevance of your reasons to do so, Sir, but yes, regardless, I must admit a certain amount of personal curiosity on the matter."

Konoemon sighed. "Please don't be so formal, Negi-kun. Why, if you keep on being this eloquent, I'm afraid I won't have enough time to tell you everything!"

While Shizuna stifled a subtle pained sound, the red haired boy in the dark green suit leaned ahead slightly. "Oh, my apologies," he said. "Of course, you must have important matters to attend to. Please be as fast as you need to, Sir. We will understand."

"No, no, I don't mean that either," the elder said patiently. He exhaled. "But you are right in that the faster this is done, the better. Negi-kun, girls, when I tell you that I have little time left, I mean it literally. I am going to die soon."

Negi, Chisame, Misora, Misa and Sakurako gasped loudly, trying to make sure they had just heard what they thought they had just heard. Satomi only frowned to herself thoughtfully, analytical as ever. In stark contrast, Asuna, always emotional, gave a loud, shocked cry and started panicking almost immediately. "N-No, Sir, what are you even saying!" she said, slamming both hands hard on the desk. "Please don't joke with us like that! Why, why are you like this...?!"

Shizuna began weeping under her breath again, and Misa and Misora turned their eyes back at her, both visibly uneasy. Asuna was trembling very intensely, looking about to weep herself.

"I'm so sorry, Asuna-kun," Konoe said tenderly, closing the tired eyes under his huge white eyebrows. "I never wanted to cause you this kind of pain. But I have contracted a form of advanced cancer, and I'll only live a few more months, at most. There is not much even magic can do for me at this point."

Asuna hiccuped a few times, unable to control the tears anymore, and all but collapsing her front on the desk, starting to bawl. "Not fair...!" she screamed. "Not fair...!"

Awkwardly, Negi, whose eyes were a bit wet as well, grabbed her by a shoulder, rubbing it gently. "S-Sir," the young boy stammered. "If, if there is anything at all we c-can do for you, regardless..."

"Then consider it done, please, Sir," Chisame said respectfully, actually truly touched herself.

"Thank you, Hasegawa-kun," Konoe said. "But in truth, it is me who needs to do something for you before I am gone. That is why I have called you. I need to compensate Negi-kun, and by extension you, his Ministra Magi, on something that was done to him, a great injustice, a long time ago."

"Muh-Ministra Magi, S-Sir, S-Sensei?" Misora stumbled with her tongue, starting to sweat. "S-Sorry, but I have no idea what-!"

Konoemon smiled. "Kasuga-kun. Please. Do not insult me like that in my final days. I have eyes everywhere in this Academy, and you all know it by now."

"I, I, I, I never meant to offend, Sensei, Sir!" Poor Misora enter True Panic Mode. Asuna only kept on crying, as did Shizuna, but Misa and Sakurako looked noticeably hot under the collar, fearing what could come next.

"I know," Konoemon said warmly. "I am not mad at any of you. If anything, I only can hope that you will forgive me over what you are about to learn, especially you, Negi-kun."

Then he looked directly at the young English gentleman. "Please tell me, son. What do you know about your mother?"
"My... My mother, Sir?" Negi repeated.

Konoemon nodded. "I'm given to understand that the Magus never told you anything about her, and neither did Takamichi. How about your cousin?"

Negi hummed. "To be honest, Sir... Nekane doesn't know much about her either. All she ever told me on the subject is, my mother came from a disgraced wealthy family and died shortly after my birth."

"All of that is true, but it only scratches the surface," Konoemon said. Chisame, Misa and Sakurako leaned closer, piqued by curiosity. "In fact, your mother was... this is difficult to explain, but..."

"Ohmigosh," Misora said. "I know! She was your daughter, and you're Negi's grandfather, aren't you?!"

Konoemon's face slammed down onto the desk.

"Ahhhhh," Misa said. "That's actually good, it means Konoka isn't in the competition anymore..."

Asuna growled ferociously, turning her bloodshot eyes on Misa. "KA-KI-ZAKIIIIIII!"

"I'm only glad for a grandfather and grandson being reunited and Konoka gaining a little cousin!" Misa said, piously.

Konoemon wiped some sweat off his forehead with a white handkerchief. "No... I'm not related to Arika-sama at all," he said. "She was born from a Mundus Magicus family, actually."

"What is Mundus Magicus?" Sakurako asked.

"The world of magic, separated from this one by barriers only breached through select few gates scattered across the world," Misora said, sounding very serious and almost stiff now. "There, it's said, mythical creatures like dragons and unicorns roam free..."

"Cool!" Sakurako winced.

Chisame winced. "Oh boy..."

Konoemon nodded. "Exactly, Misora-kun."

"Arika... So that was her name. It's a beautiful name." Negi sniffed. "I'll never forget it now...!"

"You hadn't even been told that?" Satomi asked.

"Not only that, you never asked before!?" Chisame added.

"Don't be too hard on us over that secrecy, there were weighty reasons for it," the old man told them. "Negi-kun might be in danger if his legacy were to be known by the public. Arika's family had and still has many enemies."

He paused sadly and then said, "That is why I'm telling you all of this now. I ask you to help Negi-kun safe through the years to come..."

Asuna bawled again, grabbing his shiveled hands full of liver spots. "Konoe-sama! I'll do anything for you! Anything you ask from me...!"

"Oh, my poor, sweet, Asuna-kun," Konoe said, truly moved. "Thank you very much. Well. How to put what I must say next... Misora-kun, you do know about the country of Ostia, don't you?"

"Uhhhhh... N-No? Sorry, I don't," Misora gulped. "I, I haven't been taught about that part yet!"

"Hmmmm," Konoemon said, rubbing his jaw. "Sure, let's go with that! Regardless, Ostia is one of the most historied and culturally rich nations of Mundus Magicus, with a long tradition of magic and arts. There, Arika-sama was a-"

"A Baroness!" Sakurako said, her eyes shining.

"A Countess!" Misora said, growing excited as well.

"A Duchess!" Misa said, her eyes glowing while her pupils took the shape of yen signs.

Konoemon looked at them blandly for a moment, and then said, "She was the last Queen of Ostia before it became a republic, actually."

"I see, a Queen, of course it would be something weird and exaggerated like THAAAAAAAAAT?!" Chisame ended up screaming.

Even Asuna had stopped crying and now just stared at Konoemon with eyes as wide as those of the other girls, Shizuna and Negi himself.

For several moments, there were only silence and stillness in the office.

And then Misa turned around, hugged Negi tightly pressing his head between her breasts, and shouted, "MARRY ME, MY LOVE!"
While Misora tried to use a basic healing spell to heal all the bumps on Misa's head, Chisame asked Konoemon, "It's not like he could have access to any of that heritage, right, Sir? After all, if his family was deposed..."

The old man inhaled deeply."There might be some back in Mundus Magicus keeping at least some of the properties of the royal family safe for Negi to inherit, but it is a very complicated matter, and Takamichi will eventually help you navigate through it, I promise. In the meanwhile, Nagi also had some valuable properties in Kyoto, and Konoka's father is keeping good care of them. You will be a wealthy young man regardless, Negi-kun."

"I... I don't know if I can care too much about that right now, Sensei," the boy said sadly."It's been so much to absorb in such a short notice... My mother. Please tell me where she's buried!"

"That, I don't know," Konoe admitted. "It should be somewhere in Mundus Magicus, but there are no records of her burial."

"How is that possible?" Hakase asked. "Wasn't anyone keeping track of her after Sensei's birth?"

"It's... a long and complicated story, and perhaps I've told you too much for now," the elder said.

"Be easy on him, will you?" Asuna asked. "He's ill and he needs to rest, so he can recover!" She grabbed his bony right hand gently. "Sensei, we'll find a way to heal you, I promise! So hang on there, will you?"

Konoemon smiled and nodded, playing along."Right, right. Thank you, Asuna-kun. In the meanwhile, please don't tell Konoka-chan and the others about my health, will you?"

"We won't, Sir," Negi reassured him solemnly.

"Thanks, Negi-kun. Shizuna-kun?" he looked at his aide.

She soldiered on. "Yes, Sensei?"

"Please bear with me, I'm going to reassign you as Negi-kun's assistant while I undergoing treatment. I'll give you a list of guidelines to help him out through these times, I hope none of you will mind too much..."

Shizuna blinked. "Negi-kun's assistant? Oh my. W-Well, if you are sure..."

Chisame hummed to herself, correctly deducing that they only had been told about the tip of the iceberg so else could be to this after that kind of bombshell, who knew, but she supposed that they would find out sooner than later anyway.

Much to her chagrin, naturally! Chisame was a realist this way- realistic, if you asked her, and definitely not a cynic-and she held few if any delusions about it being otherwise.
A Return to Negima versus Fate Grand Order!

Chachamaru sat knitting a sweater for Negi.

Serenity came into the room, wearing only a shirt, and threw herself onto the gynoid's lap. "Chachamaru...!" she asked. "Headpats, please?"

Chachamaru set the knitting set aside and stoically began petting the Hassan's head. In truth she was not all that fond of this girl for some reason, but she was a good friend of Fran from Chaldea, and Chachamaru was sympathetic to her circumstances.

"Ahhhhh!" Serenity said happily. "It feels so good! It's not the same as cuddling after lovemaking, but..."

Chachamaru blinked. "Lovemaking? But, you cannot do that with anyone but--"

She got up hastily, throwing the assassin to the floor, and ran for the room down the hall. "Master!"

She stormed into the bedroom to find a naked Evangeline splayed on the bed, limbs askew in all directions. "Interesting..." Eva said stiffly through a corner of her mouth. "Her poisons can't kill me, but they're still effective...!"

Then there was an explosion coming from the front of the resort, and Karin's voice roared, "HASSAN OF SERENITY! MARTHA TOLD ME YOU WERE COMING HERE TO SEDUCE WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY MINE!"

Serenity, whimpering in panic, raced into the room, and ducked under the bed.
Serenity-chan's been Naughty.

A large pile of naked male corpses had tumbled out of the closet, spilling all over the bedroom's floor.

The dark haired young man put his hands on the shoulders of the weeping dark skinned girl. "Serenity-chan, please," he said. "I won't get mad at you, but be honest. Have you been cheating on me?"

She sobbed, shaking her head. "No, Master, nooooo...!"

Semiramis passed by the open door, then walked back and peeked in. "Oh," she said. "You've found out how I spent this weekend, I see."


On a Serenity kick of sorts right now after seeing the latest Torichamaru doujin. It's been translated to Spanish, but not English yet I think.
Matoi's Revenge.

"Hey, Louise-han," Tsukuyomi said, approaching the bed. "Come out with us already! Tsunetsuki-han says she wants to meet you!"

The bundle hidden under the bedsheets shook. "I don't want to!" it said.

"And that's because...?" Tsukuyomi asked.

"I've heard enough about that girl already!" Louise said, tightening the sheets even more around herself. "If I tell her I'm Chisame's friend she'll kill me out of jealousy, and if I tell her I'm Chisame's rival she'll kill me out of anger!"

Tsukuyomi pouted. "Boooo! When did a random schoolgirl become more feared than me?"

Then she grinned.


"Here, Tsunetsuki-han, meet Louise La Valliere-han!" Tsukuyomi sing-sang happily, throwing the tied up terrified girl at Matoi's feet. "Chisame-han's current best friend AND greatest rival!"
Executive Decisions.

"Okay, after a lot of careful consideration, I have settled on a staff for my Blue Mars Project platform," Negi reported. "Chisame, you will be my chief of advisors."

"How much will I be paid?" Chisame asked.

Negi rasped. "We'll discuss that later. Satomi, you're going to be my technical advisor."

"Just as long as I don't have to deal with that Godel creep at any times," Hakase told him.

Negi sighed. "No, Sextum will be the one dealing with him. Chachamaru, you are appointed as my secretary, and Haruka as my bodyguard."

Hakase blinked. "Why would she be your bodyguard when you are much more powerful than her?"

"That's not important. It's all about putting a tall, muscular babe who can look good in an uniform there as a public show of mojo," Chisame deadpanned.

"Babe?" Haruka, Matoi and Yukino chorused.

"And you, Komi-san, will be my PR chief," Negi added.

Komi-senpai trembled intensely and her eyes grew very large and round while cat ears sprouted from her hair.

"... seriously?!" Yukino couldn't help saying.

"No, no, it's stupid genius!" Chisame said. "She doesn't even need to speak to have everyone eating out her hand! I can see it working, precisely because it's so dumb!"

Matoi, without missing a beat or even blinking, blocked Yamai's knife with her own before it could reach Chisame. Everyone only looked at them blandly, for a moment, before moving on.

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