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OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by OverMaster, Aug 27, 2018.

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  1. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    A Survey.

    Someone rang the front door. Akira opened it.

    "Good morning!" Momo sang the words out, standing on their doorstep. "I'm taking a survey to see who gets to join us in Negi's harem!"

    Akira raised an eyebrow. "Weren't you supposed to be in Yuuki-senpai's harem?"

    Momo rasped and hewed uneasily. She glanced aside and shrugged her shoulders. "I figured out Negi will get there long before Rito-san ever dares to, so..."

    Akira sighed and took the pen and board Momo was offering her, starting to answer the questions. "I'll take one. No, wait a moment..." She looked back over her shoulder. "Ako, are you going to join too, or do you still intend to play for Team Inugami-kun?"

    There was a soft non-commital grunt from the next room.

    And Akira sighed again. "Another survey form, please. I know Ako-chan well enough so I'll answer hers for her."

    Momo smiled. "Charmed to...!"
     
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  2. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    "Chamo! We're home!" Negi said, entering the apartment and hanging his jacket by the door. But there was no answer.

    Chisame, Hakase, Misa, Sakurako, Misora and Asuna all walked in after the boy, Asuna closing the door after them. "That little creep must be panty-hunting again," Asuna said.

    "He left a note," Negi said, moving towards the table and grabbing a piece of paper set on it. He read aloud, "Dear Brother, Sisters, I've just received urgent news that demand for my presence elsewhere. I'll be back in a week, I'll explain everything then. In the meanwhile, I'm leaving this for you. Love, Chamo."

    Negi's tiny bifocal glasses slipped down his nose. He blinked, perplexed. "Say again...?" he murmured to himself, perplexed.

    "He must be on the run from that ermine police again," Misora said, walking next to him and picking up a large heart shaped box wrapped in white and red. "This is what he left for us?"

    "It must be, that wasn't on the table this morning, and I don't remember buying anything like it," Chisame said. "But, what is it?"

    Misora opened the box and smiled at its contents. "Chocolate!"

    "We lost Chamo for a week and gained a box of chocolates. Win win!" Misa smiled.

    Asuna frowned. "Yeah, well, normally I'd feel happy about that too, but not today..."

    "I'm worried about Chamo now, too," Negi dropped his shoulders while sitting down on the couch. Misa quickly sat by his right and Misora by his left. "This isn't like him. True, he'd often vanish for months at a time, but never without giving me a good explanation too."

    "He's still new in the country, he probably desires to tour it to better sate his base appetites," Satomi said. "But of course, he couldn't admit that to you."

    "Talking about annoying people, where's your stalker anyway?" Asuna said, looking all around. "I'd been expecting for her to appear behind us on the way here, or for her to be waiting for us here."

    "Tsunetsuki's been having a crisis of sorts lately, I think," Chisame answered, sitting on a one of the two armchairs. Asuna herself took the other one, which left Sakurako and Satomi standing around. "After we spelled it out what happened during the Valentine fiasco, she's been spending most of the time in her room sorting out what to do next."

    "I see..." Sakurako nodded. "She's unsure whether her crush on you was genuine or not, right?"

    "Does that matter in the case of that girl?" Misa asked. "She falls in crushes at the drop of a hat anyway! I swear she does it on whims anyway."

    "I guess," Chisame shrugged, in a way that left it unclear if she was answering to Sakurako, Misa, or both. "She must be figuring out whether keep on stalking me, Sensei, or going back to Despair-sensei."

    "Can't you communicate with him somehow, Negi?" Asuna said, already putting a chocolate in her mouth and passing the box around. She chewed and swallowed the sweet piece pensively and then added, "Don't you have a way to reach your familiar long distance, like you do with us?"

    "No, that's a different bond system, we are not linked that way," Negi exhaled, nodding his thanks as he received a chocolate. "I'll have to trust him, he must know what he's doing."

    "When Chamo comes back, do you think we should tell him about the Headmaster?" Asuna asked then. "We were made to promise we wouldn't, but he's just a dumb animal after all..."

    Negi frowned. "That 'dumb animal', as you call him, actually knows far more than me about several areas of magic. I was hoping to ask him for solutions on Konoemon-sensei's problem."

    Asuna tensed up.

    "Why don't we go to Library Island and fetch that book of knowledge you guys left behind?" Misora proposed between avid chocolatey muches. "It's supposed to give you answers to anything, isn't it?"

    "That's an option I'm not discarding..." Negi allowed cautiously, "but, the golem guarding it is highly unlikely to have left it where we first found it, and anyway, to go back down there we'd need help from the Library Trio again. We would have to either tell them the truth or make up an excuse about why we want the book, and I'd hate lying to them."

    "It's for a good cause!" Asuna said. "Unless you have a better idea?"

    "I'm hard pressed to imagine where we could find answers," Negi admitted. "Konoemon-sensei is so much more knowledgeable than me, and he has access to so many more resources. How could I find a solution where he has failed?"

    "That's not like you, and that's not the attitude we must have, either!" Asuna growled.

    "Calm down, Asuna, it's not like the Headmaster's going to die tomorrow, and he said he'll undergo treatment," Misa reasoned. "I think we can wait until Chamo comes back to ask him if he can suggest anything, and if not, well, we can give that book a try. It shouldn't take too much convincing from the bookworms..."

    "Oh, I suppose that Saotome would be itching to go back there regardless," Chisame allowed. "And Ayase is a library exploration freak and loved that place. Golem aside, that is..."

    "In the meanwhile, Negi-sensei," Satomi said, "what do you intend to do on the subject of your mother?"

    "What am I even supposed to do?" Negi said sadly. "Her death is a tragedy, but I never held any hopes she was still alive, and there's nothing I can do to change it. When I find Father, I'll ask him about her, and hopefully we'll find her graveside together. That's all I can do. This actually changes nothing."

    "That's right, I guess," Misa said, leaning against him and closing her eyes. "You already were my Prince Charming anyway."

    "Kakizaki..." Chisame said blandly, although in truth she couldn't find it in her to be all that mad at Misa now. Maybe it was just the news about the poor old man had hit her, but she felt her head somewhat softened at the sight of Misa leaning on the sad looking boy. There was no denying that Kakizaki was cute like that, so innocently beautiful that it was easy to forget how sly she could get. In a way, Kakizaki was what Chisame wanted to be through Chiu.

    "My sweet prince," Misa said, placing a tender kiss on Negi's cheek.

    Sakurako giggled, blushing a bit while setting the now empty chocolate box aside. "Oh, Misa-chan...!"

    Asuna looked at the box. "There are no more left?"

    "Not now," Misora said after swallowing the last one. "Boy, they were great! I feel better already after eating them. Guys, listen, no matter what, we can do this together, can't we? We've worked through worse! We just need to pull together!"

    They all looked at each other, and then smiled and nodded.

    "What... What if we have a sleepover tonight here?" Misa offered, cheeks strangely pinkish. "If Chamo's not here to bother, we can... use the time to bond further... as a group... a team, I mean..."

    Satomi nodded rigidly. "Y-Yes, we might bring our minds together and brainstorm solutions for Konoe-sensei's plight..."

    "Sounds good," Misora said readily, pulling her phone out. "I'll call Cocone-chan and ask her to cover up for me until dawn..."

    And so, it began.
     
  3. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Doggy Style.

    "Sensei, can I be your doggy, please?" Agari asked him hopefully.

    Negi sighed. "No offense, but you really need professional help, Himiko-san. Here, I'll give you Chie-sensei's number..."

    ---

    "Sensei, can I be your doggy, please?" Agari asked her hopefully.

    "... no. Please take two of these tonight and call me by the morning," Arai said, extending a small jar of pills over to her, keeping as much distance between them as possible.

    ---

    "Sensei, can I be your doggy, please?" Agari asked her hopefully.

    Kitami Reika glared at her, decided that even she couldn't and wouldn't take this, and wordlessly closed the door on Himiko's face.

    ---

    "Saber-san, can I be your doggy, please?" Agari asked her hopefully.

    "NOT NOW! WHO ARE YOU, ANYWAY?!" the blonde growled, doing her best to push Assassin back in another flurry of sword slashes. "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE, GIRL?!"

    ---


    "Shirai-san, can I be your doggy, please?" Agari asked her hopefully.

    Kuroko stared blankly at her, grimaced, and teleported away.

    Himiko blinked. "Huh. So she can do that...?"

    ---

    "Hey, where's Agari anyway?" Tadano asked while walking back home. "Over the last week, she just disappears after classes..."

    "Oh, that. She finally found someone who took her as their doggy," Najimi said.

    "Really?" Tadano said. "Who's that?"

    "Well, how should I explain it..."

    ---

    Across the city, in the Honnouji slums, Guts picked up a branch and threw it across the Mankanshoku backyard.

    "Bark! Bark! Woof!" Agari said excitedly, running away on all fours to go pick it up.

    Sitting on the back porch watching the scene along the amused Mako, Ryuko winced. "This is wrong in so many ways..."
     
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  4. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    A couple hours after dinner, the six girls and Negi sat before the television, watching a movie. Misa and Asuna were wearing some of Chisame's spare pajamas, while Sakurako and Misora were wearing two belonging to Satomi.

    "This," Misora said, pulling uncomfortably on the front of her borrowed shirt, "is kinda tight in the chest."

    "It must be your imagination, you really arent' any bustier than Hakase," Asuna said. "Hey, are you all sure we should be watching this? Isn't it too adult for Negi?"

    "It's just a police thriller," Misa said, her eyes glued on the screen while the detective and the femme fatale kissed passionately under the rain. "Loosen up a little, Asuna-chan."

    Negi gulped, seeing how the man started to pull the woman's clothes off. "You... You aren't allowed adult channels here, right? S-So this shouldn't go too far..."

    True enough, the scene did cut away to the mob leader addressing his men in their hideout right after that, but that only gave Misa a chance to look at Negi and ask him, "How much do you know about this stuff anyway, Negi-kun?"

    The boy blinked. "Me? Ah, well, I'm not too versed into the way organized crime works, but I try reading the newspapers regularly, so..."

    "She doesn't mean that, Negi-kun" Misora said. "She means, how much do you know about the stuff men and women do together?"

    "That's not the kind of stuff one asks a ten years old kid, much less when one's a nun!" Chisame growled.

    Negi cleared his throat and blushed. "Well... They made us take courses on Biology, you know. Of course I know, um, how children are made, and everyone has seen dogs doing it, but... I really, really shouldn't be thinking about those things yet!" he concluded, tossing his hands up.

    Misa smirked. "Oh, that's still more than I thought you'd know..."

    Negi blinked. "Do I come across as that... unintelligent?"

    "Do you want the honest answer or the painless one?" Asuna chuckled.

    "Well, it's more like you always act so innocent, one can't imagine you knowing anything on the subject, Negi-kun," Sakurako offered, then briefly flickered her fingers on his chest, on a fleeting whim.

    Negi blushed again, staring at Shiina's lovely and cute face. After a moment, he said, "It's not an act... At least, it's not supposed to be one..."

    "Have you ever masturbated?" asked a voice, startling everyone.

    They all turned around, bewildered, to stare at Satomi, who sat there calmly turning the television off with the remote control.

    "Wha-Wha-What kinda question is that, Hakase?!" Chisame demanded of her.

    The genius pushed her own glasses up with a middle finger. "I'm merely asking out of a sense of obligation, since to cohabit with a growing young man, one must be aware of every detail in his healthy development. If he has received any kind of education like ours, then it is reasonable to assume that--"

    "I definitely don't remember being told about that stuff back when we were ten!" Asuna cut her words short.

    "You never remember anything about any lessons anyway, Asuna," Misora said.

    "M-M-Masturbation?" Negi stammered. "Is that...?"

    "It is the act of physically pleasuring oneself to achieve a state of satisfaction whenever intimate contact with a partner is not an available alternative," Satomi explained, feeling oddly more content than usual of boasting her knowledge.

    "Hey, now!" Misa said. "It's not always a thing to do when you don't have an available partner! It also can be a matter of personal choice, not that I ever would need to--"

    "GAHHH, enough! L-Let's go back to the movie, even if I didn't like it that much!" Chisame yelled, and turned the TV back on.

    The scene on the screen was showing the shirtless detective and the lingerie clad femme fatale rolling across a bed, kissing and fondling each other.

    Chisame quickly turned the TV off again.

    "I think that movie must be censored and cut for this channel," Sakurako said quietly.

    "Yeah, well, anyway!" Misa said, growing excited. "Boys masturbate by grabbing their things and yanking them like this," she made a motion of pumping a hand up and down. "And girls--"

    "Our things?" Negi repeated dubiously.

    "You know which thing, silly!" Sakurako giggled, pointing between his legs.

    "Oh, gimme a break!" Asuna threw her hands up in disgust. "That 'thing' won't even work for at least eight years!"

    "You really don't know much about men, Asuna-chan," Misa said. "Regardless, we girls do it by putting our fingers in our--"

    "There's absolutely no reason why he would need to know that!" Chisame bristled, pressing a hand around Misa's mouth.

    Unfortunately, she pressed a bit too hard, hurting Kakizaki enough that she felt the need to bite at her fingers.

    "YEEEOOOWWW!" Chisame pulled her hand back in pain. "Why, you little--!"

    Misa jumped on her and began wrestling her down on the couch. "Ohhh, I've had enough with you now...!"

    "Gah!" Negi jumped in place. "Don't fight, don't fight!"

    Misora sighed. "We'd gone long enough without something like this happening..."

    Sakurako began gently pulling Negi away from the struggling girls, as she, Asuna, Satomi and Misora all stepped back to give them room. "Let them vent it out, Negi-kun," she suggested. "They need to uncork this tension already, it's been building up for a while now."

    Negi blinked in confusion. "Eh?"

    Misora shrugged while watching Misa and Chisame tear apart at each other's pajamas. "Since you brought Kakizaki into this, she and Chisame have always been tense around each other, didn't you notice? No, of course you didn't. I think they both feel the need to be the alpha female in our... group..."

    "NO I DON'T!" Misa and Chisame paused just long enough to shout together at Kasuga.

    Then they began rolling on the couch again, pulling on each other's clothes almost madly. "Nngghhh! That's my pajama you're ripping apart!" Chisame hissed, trying to headbutt the cheerleader.

    "You're also ripping your own other pajama here!" Misa said while her top flew out of buttons, which were popped away in every direction, showing her white bra and decent cleavage off. "Saku-chan, help me here...!"

    "Sorry, Misa-chan, kinda busy here!" Shiina grinned, while she and Misora pulled their cellphones out and began filming their catfight.

    "That... That's not how Iinchou and me look when we fight, do we?" Asuna said, sounding slightly worried. "Please tell me we don't..."

    Negi just prudently zipped his lips up.
     
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2022
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  5. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Interlude:

    "I've done as you asked," Albert Chamomile said, respectfully bowing to the figure sitting in front of him, somewhere else.

    "Good, good," this person said.

    The small white ermine gulped. "W-Will it even work on Sis Asuna, though? She's got this strange endurance against magic for some reason, that--"

    "I know far more about that than you even suspect." Fingers were put together before the speaker in a flawless imitation of the Ikari Gendo pose. I can tell you, however, that this individual was not Ikari Gendo. "You don't need to worry about that. Science, not only magic, was employed in its creation. It will work as intended."

    "Ahhhh," Albert exhaled, head drooping. "All the same, I still feel bad. I am betraying my Bro's trust, even if it's for their own good! And when they come back to their senses--"

    He was interrupted again. "I know what troubles you. Don't punish yourself over it. This won't give them any urgings they would never have under any circumstances, it merely inhibits most usual repressions against acting on subconscious impulses."

    Chamo blinked. "Meaning...?"

    A deep sigh. "It won't force them to act on alien designs. It just frees the heart's deepest desires."

    "Oh, that's good then, I suppose!" the simple creature smiled. "In that case, I can go back right now instead of waiting a week, hum, just to check on them being okay, not that I doubt the wisdom of your plan or anything!"

    "You just want to join in," Chamo was chided. "For your own good, wait that week before heading back."

    "But you just said--"

    "I didn't say," a finger was wagged at the familiar, "that they would be understanding towards you after the fact. But if you want to do it, it's your own life..."

    Chamo swallowed hard. "On second thought, I think I'll stay here a few days after all. I like this place!"

    "A wise decision."

    There was a long pause.

    "Can you turn on the lights now, Boss?" Chamo asked at last.

    "No."

    "Why not?"

    "It helps me preserve my element of mystery."

    "Aw, come on! I already know who are you...!"
     
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  6. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Tales of the Unequally Sailor Senshi.

    The battle was over, and Sailor Venus was dusting her hands off.

    "Well, good job, girls!" she said. "Now we can go back home and-- Neptune, what are you doing?"

    Isley was crouching down by a pile of dust, all that was left of the defeated Youma. "I'm gathering samples of its genetic material to integrate it into my next batch of plant creatures and increase their efectivity, of course. What else could I be doing?"

    "I think you still don't grasp what this particular line of work is supposed to be about," Sailor Mars deadpanned.

    Neptune smiled while putting the last motes of the dust into a test tube, and then sealed it up. "With this I'll kill Batman for sure!"
     
  7. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Negima versus Fate Grand Order Again!

    Sakura tasted the meal set before her and smiled. "This is wonderful! Fran-chan, your cooking has improved a whole lot!"

    "Well. I cheated," the Servant admitted. She raised her hands and flexed the fingers, in and out. "Chachamaru gave me her arms for a week."

    Sakura blinked. "Ohhhhh," she said slowly. "But then, how does she..."

    ---

    Evangeline put her spoonful of soup down.

    "Master?" Chachamaru asked, standing next to the table.

    "Karin will cook for the remainder of the week," the vampire said.
     
  8. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Chisame and Kakizaki kept on wrestling each other, rolling on the couch, for a few minutes. But eventually they pulled apart, sitting up and breathing hard.

    "You owe me a pajama," Chisame panted, pointing at Misa's torn top, exposing the white bra underneath. "Look at what you made me do...!"

    Misa grinned, wiping sweat off her own forehead with a fist. "Actually, I owe you two and a bra! Aren't you feeling a drift, dear?"

    Chisame blinked, then she looked down. She yelped, seeing that one of her breasts was exposed bare, through a ripped top and brassiere. "Kyyyaaaahhh!" she said, hugging her own torso. "You miserable piece of-!"

    Negi only stared on with very round and very large eyes, sweating copiously. Sakurako and Misora giggled, and Asuna had just erupted into a big burst of laughter.

    "It's only a visible breast, Chisame," Satomi told her roommate plainly. "Why do you overreact like this? Negi-sensei has seen much more of you than this..."

    "Bwa ha ha ha!" Asuna slapped her own knee. "Yeah, Chisame, he has- Wait, what?"

    Negi lowered his gaze as well and rasped while stammering. "I-It's just because of my stripping sneezes! L-L-Living with two girls every day, accidents are bound to happen!"

    "Oh, yeah, that," Asuna said, sounding slightly troubled. "How did I even forget that?"

    "So you have seen every naked inch of Satomi-chan and Chi-chan then, haven't you, Negi-kun?" Sakurako teased the teacher, stroking his chin with a pointer finger. He blushed and looked aside.

    "Don't call me that," Chisame grumbled, while still hugging her own torso.

    "Oh, if he's seen them already, stop being embarrassed about them!" Misa said. "They're actually very nice... a bit bigger than mine, too..."

    "Have you touched them though, Negi-kun?" Sakurako asked.

    "N-Nooooo," Negi said, as he clenched his teeth.

    "Oh, something I can be the first at!" Misa smirked and leaned forward, thrusting her chest towards him. "Touching is free, the first time at least..."

    Chisame growled. She used her free hand to grab Misa by a breast, pulling her back to herself. "Oh, yeah? Glad to hear!"

    "Aaaaahhh!" Misa moaned. "Not so hard!"

    Negi began choking in his saliva, quite violently. Now Asuna and Misora broke into loud laughter.

    "I fail to see the humor here..." Satomi commented quietly. "If anything, I find this situation to be somewhat sad...!"

    Sakurako chuckled and wiped a corner of her own eye with a finger. "Oh, Satomi-chan, you're so cute when you aren't getting things! Misa-chan," she chided playfully, "One would almost think that you like Chisame-chan too...!"

    "Don't call me that either!" Chisame said, still holding onto Misa's firm, perky boob.

    Misa threw her hair back and smiled. "I've gotta admit she has a good touch..."

    Chisame fumed. "You're just lucky there's a kid present, so I can't call you for what you are..."

    "Oh, spare me the speech, Chisame!" Misa kept on smiling at her, ever challenging. "We all remember you drilling your tongue through Asuna's throat!"

    Asuna stopped laughing immediately. "That was just that stupid love potion you brought at work!"

    "But, it didn't work on you for some reason, did it?" Shiina reminded her. "So you went with that on your own volition..."

    Asuna didn't know what a volition was, but she could guess from the context, and she blushed. "I.. I only was trying to help Chisame out..." she offered lamely.

    "What, what, what she said!" Chisame stammered, finally letting go of Misa's chest. Negi blinked at the sight of a small pointy tip poking against the fabric of the cheerleader's bra.

    And then he realized that all of his students present had stopped arguing and were staring at him in shock.

    He swallowed hard. "Wh-Wh-What? What is it?"

    "N-Negi-kun," Misora gasped. "Your... Your thingy...!"

    "My, my what?" Negi asked. Then he looked down, following Misora's shaky pointing finger, and looked at his crotch, and the small tent in the front of his pajama pants, standing against the fabric much like Misa's nipple. "AAAAHHHH! What, what what what what is this I don't even!"

    Sakurako's eyes- and only her eyes- moved so she glanced sideways at Hakase. "Had... Had he ever done something like this before?"

    Satomi's glasses had fogged up, hiding the orbs behind. She shook her head rigidly. "N-No... N-Not that I know... Chisame?"

    "Buh buh! Bruh brah! Eee! Eeep meep!" Chisame hiccuped incoherently, her own glasses slipping down her flushed features.

    "This is so hot," Misa said.

    Asuna gulped. "G-Good thing Iinchou is not here, ha ha ha ha..." she laughed with no humor or intonation.

    Several rooms away, Ayaka looked up from the magazine she was reading.

    Somehow sensing her sudden tension, Makie, who had been louging on her bunk looking at videos in her phone, now looked at her. "Iinchou? Something wrong? Did you forget anything?"

    "Makie-san. Have you ever felt a great disturbance in the natural order of things, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced?" Ayaka said in an oddly distant voice.

    Makie rolled her eyes. "Very funny, Iinchou. But please try Star Trek references next time, you might actually surprise me with those..."
     
  9. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Set after the first lemon segment in my Lemons thread.

    ---

    Another Interlude:

    Several other rooms away, Konoe Konoka sat, frowning for once, before the TV, flipping channels.

    She also thought, for a moment, that she heard Chisame's faint but remarkable scream in the distance, but paid it no mind. Chisame was one to overreact often.

    Then she heard the slightest rustle right out her window.

    "Setchan," she said in a quite bland and flat tone, "if you are there, watching over me for some unfathomable reason just because Asuna-chan is away for the night with no good explanation and without even inviting me over, and if you aren't going to ring and come in like a normal person either, then please leave, I'll be fine."

    "..." came a pointed silence from the outside.

    Konoka clenched her beautiful, clean white teeth. "Because right now, I am so upset that anyone who wanted to attack me for any unfathomable reason, I would deal with them myself because I am just that angry and with so much to vent out!"

    There was a subtle quick further rustling sound, and then only true silence.

    "Good girl," Konoka approved dryly, and changed the channel again.

    "Hmmm, 'Who Wants to Marry a Gundam Pilot'? What will they think of next..."

    ---

    Mana looked up from her latest Guns & Ammo issue. "I thought you were going to camp out tonight?" she asked her just returned roommate.

    Setsuna sat down with a truly troubled expression on. "It's... It's sort of dangerous outside for the time being..."
     
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  10. Neo3932156

    Neo3932156 Know what you're doing yet?

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    . . . You have a Lemon Thread?
     
  11. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    The 100 Megucas who Love You Very, Very, Very, Very, Very Much.

    You are deeply in love, aren't you? the small white creature said, sitting down before Chiyo. You can wish for anything you want, and it will be granted. All you have to do is making a contract with me...

    Then he felt himself grabbed from behind, squeezed hard, and pulled up. He was turned around to find himself looking at the tense face of Aijou Rentarou, clenching a smile at him.

    How... How can this be?! Kyubey said. You shouldn't even be able to see me...!

    "The power of Love, bitch!" Rentarou said, slamming the Incubator down into a blender, turning it on, and quickly turning him into a red paste.

    ---

    Very well, the other Incubators said as the red paste set before them twitched. It matches with the reports from previous scouting units. We will delete Sukisugi-Chou City from the list of recruitment centers, in that case...
     
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  12. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Not related to the current lemon story.

    ---

    Dog and Bat Show.

    "I was wondering..." Asuna said, "if you're a vampire, you can turn into a bat and a wolf too, can't you?'"

    "What do you mean with that 'if' now?" Evangeline growled in a menacing way.

    "I've never seen you turning into a bat, now that I think about it," Negi said.

    "Why would I ever?!" Eva shot back.

    Karin hummed. "During all the decades we were together, I never saw her doing such a thing..."

    "What are you implying with that?!" the small blonde yelled.

    "You can't do it, can you?" Asuna said.

    "Of course I can, you imbecile! Behold!" Eva jumped up, and her clothes fell off, as a tiny and ugly black bat fluttered in the air.

    The girls and Negi began clapping. "Ooohhhh!"

    Eva immediately turned back, tossing her hair back with a smug smile. "I told you! That'll teach you to ever doubt my power again!"

    "It was awesome, Master!" Negi pumped a fist up.

    Evangeline looked down at herself and sighed. "I don't know if I should be happy or upset my nudity doesn't make you even flinch anymore."

    "You're always naked anyway," Setsuna said.

    "But you can't turn into a wolf, can you?" Asuna asked.

    "Aaaaaaarrrghhhhh!" Eva shouted, and changed into a small, incredibly cute puppy.

    Everyone grew large hearts in their eyes. "AAAWWWWWWWWW!"

    Wolf Puppy Eva rasped and looked aside. "Of-Of course, were I in my adult form, I would have changed into a huge, fearsome wAAAAGHHH!" she finished.

    Chachamaru, cheeks artificially blushed and steam puffing out her ears, had just lifted her and squeezed her into a tight embrace. "You are more wonderful than ever now, Master..."

    "I have a bad feeling about this...!"

    ---

    "And that's how we went on to win all these prizes in dog competitions all across the world for decades!" Karin boasted, gesturing at the long hallway full of trophies and framed medals and diplomas. "Yukihime-sama's canine beauty and trick-performing skills know no boundaries!"

    "Ah, ha-ha-ha-ha, I see..." Kirie laughed stiffly, her face rather pale.
     
  13. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    The Easy Way Down.

    Rentarou smiled, leading the way up onto the rooftop. "I'm sure we're going to enjoy your cooking a whole lot, Hakari-chan, don't be-- Ah!" he stopped, gasping and blinking slightly. "Itoshiki-sensei?!"

    The tall and lanky teacher, standing at the edge of the rooftop, looked back at them. "Oh, Aijou-kun. Young ladies. That's right, now I remember Negi-sensei had told me this has become your illicit rendezvous place of choice... Don't fret! I shall be letting you to your own devices shortly!"

    And he jumped off the edge.

    There was a short, piercing sound through the air, and then a small 'splat' at the end.

    Karane, Rentarou, Shizuka and Hakari stared on, horrified. "...!"

    But Nano only nodded. "How polite from him," she said, flat in tone as ever. "Truly the fastest and most efficient way of leaving us to our own privacy..."
     
  14. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Stranger than Fiction.

    "Nakanaka-san," Negi asked her after classes. "Why do you wear that eyepatch? I'm obligated to keep tabs on the physical wellbeing of all my students, and I noticed that as soon as we started lessons this morning..."

    The girl with short dark shair smiled. "You mean you haven't been told yet? By anyone?" she asked smugly. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised since few dare to talk about these mysteries. In truth, I lost this eye in a fierce battle."

    "What?!" Negi said.

    Nakanaka put a hand on her chest. "I'm the heiress of a long lineage of Dragon Force wielders! The Dragon Force is--"

    "The ancient energy long rumored to have disappeared with the fall of the Third Age of Magics!" Negi gasped.

    Nakanaka blinked. "... eh? Ah, yes! Yes, exactly! Our Dragon Princess is Komi-sama, I mean, Komi Shouko, whom I met again last year."

    "Again?"

    Nakanaka nodded. "We already had met in a prior life, where I was her loyal chief of guards."

    "Oh..."

    Nakanaka was starting to get in character again, shaking a fist. "She was attacked by treacherous spies infiltrating this school, who tried to kidnap her, but I fought valiantly and unlocked the powers of my evil eye! Alas, one of them stabbed me in the eye, yet I prevailed regardless! Now I am waiting until it grows back."

    "That... I had no idea! So you are in full knowledge of the mysteries as well!" the boy grew awed.

    "Ah ha ha ha, yes... Um, but what mysteries are you into anyway?"

    Negi bowed. "I'll look into my books and try to find a spell to help you with your recovery!" he promised. "In the meanwhile, please keep on looking after Komi-san, it sounds like she's a very important person indeed!"

    "Of course she is, but-- What are you doing...?" she asked, looking at him pull his staff out and mounting it.

    He smiled and waved at her. "It's always good to find someone I can be myself around here, so far from home! Look, I'm in a hurry right now, but we'll share further data tomorrow, okay?"

    And before Nakanaka could ask him what the fuck did he mean, he rose into the air on the staff and flew away towards the dormitories.

    Nakanaka just stared after him for several moments, having paled like a white sheet, and then screamed in a glass shattering pitch.

    ---

    Yamai Ren frowned, finally looking away from the latest batch of Komi pictures she'd been putting on her wall. "What? Are you still shaking like a scared mutt? Why don't you just tell me what happened today, you numbskull?"

    Nakanaka kept on trembling under the covers of her bed. "Noooooo! N-No, I'm telling you nothing has happened, what whatever did ever give you that impression?!"
     
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  15. Neo3932156

    Neo3932156 Know what you're doing yet?

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    She has no other choice, she must commit honourable sudoku.

    I did, and it was horrible but necessary part of having 'not dealing with the consequences' and 'chunibyo' in the same sentence.
     
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  16. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    "Hey, Medea-san," Chisame said, entering the Akashi home. "Why did you want to see me?"

    The sorceress materialized behind her and flipped the girl's skirt up.

    "Aaaahhhhh!" Chisame said. "Why did you do that!?"

    "I need to document myself to the smallest detail," Medea said. "I hated half doing things, that's improper an artist of my level."

    "What in the world are you saying?"

    Caster moved towards a small work table, pulled a Chisame figure, and began painting the panties under its skirt.

    "You are obsessed with me too, now?!" Chisame yelled.

    "Hardly. Don't you see?" Medea pointed aloofly at several other 3-A figurines on the table. "But I was paid to do these, and I'm not going to do a mediocre job, even though my contractor happens to be a crass, sexist, grating piece of--"

    "THE ERMINE!" Chisame roared, and stormed out.

    Medea looked after her for a moment, then grabbed Setsuna's figurine and began scrapping the panties off it, leaving it bottomless. "I'll take pity on him and give him a no-pan one. I'm sure it'll help him cope through physical therapy..."
     
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  17. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Stranger than Fiction, II.

    "Well, class, that'll be everything for today," Negi smiled as the bell rang. "Remember, the Festival should start next week for real this time, so--"

    Then Yamai Ren walked into the classroom, grabbed him, and marched back out. Dragging the boy along.

    "Ahhhhhhh!" Ayaka said.

    Everyone else in Class 3-A only blinked.

    "Has Suzumiya just gotten some makeover?" Chisame asked.

    "No, that's Yamai Ren from Najimi-senpai's class," Kakizaki said. "She's a lesbian so I have no idea what she wants Negi for."

    "To arms, 3-A! To defend what is rightfully ours!" Ayaka yelled, running out after the duo. Nobody bothered to follow yet.

    Asakura sighed and got up as she dusted herself off. "You know, being a lesbian doesn't mean you are free from Negi's charm. Right, Setsuna?"

    "Why, why are you asking me that?!" Setsuna squeaked.

    "Yeah, Asakura-chan! You should ask me instead!" Konoka said mischievously as she also stood up from her desk.

    "Ojousama!" Setsuna said.

    Eventually the whole class actually bothered to follow Iinchou's trail, save for Zazie, who stayed back playing with a racket and a ball, and Naba, who was starting to sew a jersey on a whim. By then Negi's kidnappings were common enough it didn't anger them that much, save for Ayaka.

    They found Yamai pushing Negi towards another girl who sat in another class room, trying to stay hidden under the role playing game she was reading. Hasegawa realized the girl was trembling, and then she remembered Negi's story from the night prior.

    "Well, are you going to tell me why are you so scared of him now?!" Yamai growled at the shaking girl.

    "I, I, I'm not scared of anything, such foolishness!" the shaky girl whined while feigning aloof dignity. "Why, why should I be afraid of this vile knave, a commoner, when I am a mos-most blessed warrior of Princess Ko--"

    "You aren't anything of HER!" Ren seethed madly, grabbing Negi by the back and practically rubbing his front against the girl's, to his groaning annoyance and Yukihiro's outrage. Fortunately Asuna was holding the spitting and kicking class rep from behind.

    "Iiiiiiiiiiyyyyyyyyyy!" Nakanaka screamed and jumped back, visibly terrified of the kid.

    Natsumi gave Chisame a bland look.

    "I'm as puzzled as you!" Chisame lied.

    "I may hate your guts, but I hate having you freaking out night after night even more!" Yamai told Nakanaka furiously. "So cut that out already and tell me what's going on between you and him!"

    "Yeah, Eyepatch!" Misora crossed her arms. "Tell us too, will you?"

    "I have nothing to say, I only owe my allegiances to the Princess!" Nakanaka spurted out, managing to run out past the others.

    Evangeline gave an amused smile. "Her Princess?"

    "Nobody none of you should concern yourselves about!" Ren warned.

    "Komi-senpai, isn't that right?" Fuuka smirked.

    "You're at the very least two decades too young to even think of that name!" Yamai said.

    "Big deal, just another girl who fell for Negi-kun but this is the cowardly kind," Yuuna yawned. "So?"

    "That's not Nakanaka's style!" Yamai said, sounding nearly offended. "She is out of her mind, annoying and vulgar, but never cowardly!" She began shaking Negi in place. "So, tell me what have you done to my nemesis or else...!"

    At this point Ayaka broke from Asuna's hold and punched Yamai on the head, knocking her out. "LET HIM GO, BEAST!"

    Somewhere else in the campus, Hitohito perked up and smiled.

    Najimi lifted an eyebrow. "Hmmm?" was her-his question between bites of sandwich.

    The boy smiled goofily. He shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno! I just felt really, really good all of a sudden, for some reason! Never mind!"
     
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  18. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Stranger than Fiction, III.

    Yamai Ren woke up in an infirmary bunker, with a big bump on her head. Ako, Akira, Fuuka, Fumika, Mana, Kaede, Ku Fei, Satsuki, Yue and Honya stood around her.

    Ren sat up furiously. "Ooooo, that utter ruffian!" she said. "I'll sue her family, for every cent they own!"

    "Before doing that, you should be aware that you were attacking a teacher and a child prior that." Mana spoke dryly. "How would that stand in your record, I wonder?"

    Yamai grunted, rubbing her bump. "Who asked for your input?"

    "Nobody here is gonna talk in your favor, but we'll stand for Negi-kun," Fuuka mocked her. "From what I hear about your classmates, they won't help you with your case, and--"

    "Your point is clear!" Ren snapped. "Where are the rest of your circus troupe?!"

    "Negi-sensei and the others went to look for your friend, since she seemed so distressed," Akira told the girl, very gently. "Don't worry about her, they will find her soon enough."

    "She's not my friend!" Yamai pouted. "She's a bother who is always harassing Komi-sama, and--!"

    Then she felt a strong hand grabbing her shoulder from behind, so tightly, she thought it was going to crush her bones for a moment. Ren yelped. She looked over her shoulder and saw a rather tall woman with long braided hair, in a French maid uniform, presenting her a pen and paper sheet.

    The stranger pushed the paper on Ren's face. "Sign this..." she said icily. "It is a document stating how SeƱorita Yukihiro had nothing to do whatsoever at all with your injury."

    "Wha?! You're high?!" Yamai screeched. "Who the heck are you to tell me that!?"

    The stranger's huge round glasses shone for a moment. "I am Roberta Cisneros, best known as the Bloodhound of Florencia. I am a guerrilla veteran, with almost two decades of combat training and experience disposing of murdered bodies. Fortunately, the director of the Yukihiro Zaibatsu rescued me from that life, although many skills may never be discarded. Gracious and precious, I have no idea why did I just say that last part! Now, are you going to sign the document?"

    Yamai blinked, grabbed the pen, and signed. Was this how Tadano felt around her? With Yamai being Yamai, the reflection passed by just as fast.

    "I want a ninja killer shooter commando meido too," Ku Fei said.

    "What need do you have for one?" Kaede asked her.

    "I need someone to spar with me when you are busy, aru!"

    Ako gave a look around. "Hey," she said. "Wasn't Natsumi here with us...?"
     
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  19. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Awful, Awful People.

    "Ruggiero!" Bradamante said happily. She jumped onto Negi and hugged him. "Oh, ah, I'm so glad we meet again, beloved!"

    Seeing Negi struggle with his head trapped between Bradamante's breasts, Chisame winced.

    "She thinks anyone is Ruggiero, doesn't she?"

    "Oh! Not quite! He is identical to Ruggiero, as a matter of fact!" Astolfo said. Since it was Astolfo saying that it had to be taken with a grain of salt.

    "That only poses even more disturbing questions!" Misa said, hypocritically.

    Ayaka seethed. "What a shameless woman regardless!"

    Asuna looked at Bradamante's hair and her face, then at Ayaka's. "I don't know, it mat make perfect sense for her to behave like that. You said you had French ancestors in your mother's side, didn'tcha?"
     
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  20. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    The Logic of Illogic!

    Hakase smiled. "Ho ho!" she laughed to herself. "Such interesting data!"

    Her fellow researchers across the lab looked up from the sheets they had been examining. "Oh, naturally you'd choose Chachamaru's to see!" Asuka told her. "How is she developing?"

    "Beyond your wildest expectations!" Satomi said smugly. "I told you that interaction with Negi-sensei would help her!"

    "How so?" Sawako asked.

    "How, how? You just see her stats, they have grown to be practically those of a human being!" Hakase shoved the report sheet at her. "If they didn't come from her, I'd have thought them to belong to any of our lovestruck classmates!"

    Chao smirked. "Oh, I knew it too! Our little girl is growing up!"

    "Technically she isn't experiencing any increase on physical-- Oh, I understand," Satomi said. "Ah ha ha... it'd be too much asking size growth from her, it would have to include a mass assimilation procedure resulting on her--"

    "To the point!" Asuka stomped a foot. "You sure you aren't misinterpreting?"

    "The data is clear on how her functioning varies according to her proximity to him!" Hakase said. "Whenever he is close her body temperature, cardiac ratio and brain parameters shoot up! I would dare saying, were I an unnecesarily romantic type, that I have invented a robot who can fall in love!"

    Chao clapped. "Bravo, bravisimo!"

    Satomi bowed. "Thank you, good fellow in the cybernetic performance! You own part of that credit as well! I will make sure to mention you in my speech to the examination commitees!" She looked at all others. "Well, are you not happy as well?"

    "I'm glad for Chacha-chan," said Sawako, "but she has a hard competition ahead."

    "She's functionally immortal and intelligent, beautiful and gifted with superhuman strenght," Hakase said. "At least, she can outlive all of her rivals."

    "As long as your class rep doesn't hire mercenary squads to take her apart," Soryu said.

    "Bite your tongue," Chao, that ever affable Chao, said.

    "Let Rika see," Rika hummed, taking a look at the specs. "Whoa, your kid sure is something else! I never saw any sort of physical performance like this, from any of your projects! Maybe you can build a male model for Rika?"

    "You're gross," Asuka said. "Doing it with a robot?"

    "What have we just said about restraining ourselves, Asuka-rin...?" Lingshen sing sang, with only the slightest cue of Ku Fei-esque menace in her tone.

    Rika giggled. "Let's throw a party for Chachamaru!"

    "And we can invite Nei bouzou so we can all observe how she acts around him in person!" Chao said.

    "Oh, well, I suppose that might be kind of fun to see," Asuka said.

    "This is unprecedented," Sawako said. "Other than the Red Tornado, Doctor Gaitlin's Marionettes, the Waynewright specimen, and the Vision, Ultron and Jocasta, this is the first android with real emotions in existence."

    "We can invite Ogata-chan, and Ku, and Satsuki, and Shinji-kun, and..." Chao was going on.

    "W-W-Why Ogata Rizu, however?!" Sawako squeed.

    "And why Shinji?!" Asuka threw her lot in.

    "Well, if his reaction to Ayanami-chan is any indication, he may feel kindship of sorts for robotic acting and very quiet ladies," Chao giggled.

    "What have you just said about controlling one's tongue? Apply that to yourself!" Asuka growled.

    "I think I will install a repression chip in her as long as we are talking about restraining," Satomi said. "It wouldn't do, having another Ultron rampaging across our campus and Japan, just because Chachamaru was rejected."

    "Evangeline isn't a good influence, is she?" Sawako nodded.

    "I barely could believe it myself at first!" Hakase puffed up with pride. "I double checked and I can tell now that Chachamaru is more of a wonder of science than before!"

    "There is no greater power than that of Love, after all," Chao said.

    Satomi shrugged. "It might be only a reaction of a primitive level triggering responses that mimic that of human attitude. But even so, it's a huge step forward for our investigation."

    "Eh, you wait until I have wrapped my bio armor schematics up," Asuka said. "They have much greater applications for warfare, so I'll be paid much better."

    "It's not only about the payment, dear," Chao said.

    "Speak for yourself," Asuka said.

    Chao smiled. "I'm rich already!"

    "Right, so why should you worry?" the redhead asked.

    "With so much money," Sawako joked, "you'd better buy a very good wedding gift for Chachamaru-chan and Negi-sensei!"

    "Ah ha ha ha ha, you can bet!" Chao said. "It feels a bit weird, actually, but all in the family, as they say!"

    "Eh?" Sawako said.

    "Forget I said anything, Sawako-chan!" Chao handwaved the comment away.

    "...?"

    Hakase lifted an eyebrow too, but then went back to folding her arms arrogantly, basking on her confidence. She could see all those prizes already in her mind, the girls would be so impressed...

    "Satomi," Kusuri in her adult form spoke at last, going through the sheet that had started all of the conversation. "You grabbed the wrong data. It isn't Chachamaru's. It's yours."

    "Eh?" Asuka said.

    "Say what?" Sawako said.

    Rika blinked, and doubled on herself, laughing and laughing.

    Chao paused, and joined Rika in her burst of hilarity, both slapping themselves on the knees.

    Satomi's eyes shrank behind her glasses, and she seemed to shrink down, with cheeks that blushed very brightly. She twiddled her fingers together clumsily.

    "If it's any consolation," Kusuru said, while returning to her child-like size, and then drinking a gulp from her test tube to grow up, "I have Chachamaru's actual stats here." The busty female held another sheet up. "And next to them, yours are tame in comparison."

    "Like mother, like daughter," Asuka said, and returned to work back on her giant mechanical titan, imprinted with the brain patterns, ripples of demential rage included, of Asuka's own mother.

    Science cannot stop no matter what, no matter how much some of us may wish otherwise.

    There are cute girls somewhere, at all times, making sure of that.
     
  21. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Mahou Sensei Negima! is the creation and intellectual property of Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha.

    ---

    Tales from Mundus Magicus.

    ---

    "Then everything in this book is true, by your own admission," Tatsumiya Mana said, closing the Diarium Ejus in her hands. "This goes beyond what I expected from your people. Truly vile!"

    "I told you that it never fails," Nodoka said evenly, extending a hand towards the tall mercenary. "Can I have it back now? Please?"

    Without a word, Mana gave it back to her. Then she, Nodoka, Negi, Chisame, Yue and Tsukuyomi went back to staring at Shiori, who sat on a couch with her hands on her knees.

    Negi sighed. "I thought as much. I should have seen the signs before..."

    "There were no signs, I'm sure. Without false modesty of any kind, my performances are supposed to be flawless," Shiori said quietly.

    "You were too kind to Sensei for the real Asuna," Chisame told her curtly. "We should have suspected as well."

    Yue shrugged her shoulders. "I wouldn't say that. During the time you were absent, Asuna... went on to confide a lot more on Sensei's traits."

    Shiori nodded. "Exactly. I copied every character bit from our Imperial Princes at the time to the letter."

    "Our Imperial Princess?" Mana told her. "I should slap you!" Her tone stayed the same but there was a glint of rage in her eyes.

    "Mana, no. That will not solve anything," Negi said in a tense voice.

    "You are correct," Tsukuyomi unsheathed her sword. "Beheading her so she won't trick us again, on the other hand..."

    Knowing from prior contact what Tsukuyomi was able of, Shiori's eyes widened, and she tugged back on the coach, backing away as much as possible.

    Negi tossed a golden coin at the killer. "Stay your hand for this day!"

    Tsukuyomi caught the coin in the air, bit on it, smiled and pocketed it up. "I will do, my beloved!"

    "Well, now I imagine that Sextum will drop you like a hot potato," Chisame told Shiori. "You can't fight, so now you aren't good as a spy anymore, what use are you for her?"

    Shiori scowled in a sudden turn of fury. "Lady Sextum isn't that kind of person!"

    "She did turn on me!" Tsukuyomi piped in.

    "You turned on her first!" Shiori told her. "Just like you'll turn on this group!"

    "Is it really a betrayal if you're always aware the other party will turn on you?" Chisame wondered.

    "Yes, it's like a team up with Class 3-F," Yue said.

    "Hmmm, a good point," allowed Chisame.

    "Don't judge Lady Sextum based on your poor personal standards!" Shiori said. "You know nothing about the nobility of her goals yet!"

    "There is nothing glorious or praiseworthy about genocide," Mana said. "I've seen your fanatic kind time and time again. You disgust me, hiding behind zealotism to justify genocide."

    "Oh, a demon won't start lecturing us now!" Shiori stood up. "Do you think I'm afraid of you because you are a warrior? I have seen what warriors do before! Your people brought this world where it is! Warmongerers and soldiers, now transporting the souls of the innocent to a better world is all we can do for them!"

    "That's what I was talking about," Mana scoffed. "I'm no innocent, but I won't lie about what kind of person I am. You, on the other hand, with your holier-than-thou attitude..."

    "You deprived us a of a good friend, just so that you can employ her as a tool," Yue said. "You don't care about others' opinions, you just impose your will upon everyone by force!"

    "So you want it to be a matter of opinions? What if we turn it into popular voting?" Shiori shot back. "How many wouldn't want to live in an eternal paradise?"

    "That's assuming your crackpot paradise thing actually works," Chisame said.

    "It will!" Shiori said.

    "Again, such a blind fanatic thing to say. How many times thousands of lives were wasted on demented dreams?" Mana asked.

    Shiori bristled. "What do you want? For children to keep on starving to their deaths as slaves after their parents are taken away from them? Or for young boys who never met their parents in the first place to keep on being recruited to fight by your employers?! Or for old men and widows to-"

    "I never said that, and stop being so emotionally manipulative!" Mana said. "If anyone knows about the rigors of being a child soldier, that's me!"

    "Then you should understand better than anyone!" Shiori snapped. "But once again, you won't, because demon!"

    "That's such a racist thing to say! Rich too, from someone saying elves, dragons and cat people are pursued without motives!" Mana said.

    Then a bitter, loud laugh sounded through the room, and the youngsters all shuddered. They turned towards the corner where the bound Joker was, grinning from one ear to the other. His eyebrows were raised high, and his feet swung around.

    "Weren't you gagged?" Yue said.

    "I was," Joker said.

    "Where is the gag?" Nodoka asked.

    "Wait one day or two and you might see it again..." Joker all but giggled.

    Chisame sighed. "It felt nice, being just us Akamatsu characters for a bit again..."

    "Hey, Legolas," Joker told Shiori. "That popular voting thing. If you are so sure you'd win it, why didn't you go for it to begin with, mmmm?"

    Shiori frowned. "Paradise is supposed to reach everyone, not just those who would approve, even if they are a majority."

    "Ah, that beats the purpose of voting or even asking then. Wouldn't it?" Joker wondered.

    "That's why we didn't do it, it's what I'm saying. Well, that, and these corrupt authorities wouldn't allow it regard-"

    "But then you shouldn't have brought consensus in the first place," Joker said. "Another thing! Do you believe in God?"

    Shiori blinked. "Ah? W-Well, yes, I do, but what does that have to do with this?"

    "Do you believe in Heaven? The actual Heaven, not that paradise you are pulling for?"

    Shiori squinted. "I'm not going to discuss dogma with a plain devil who-"

    "Is it okay if I kill good people and I send them to Heaven?" Joker asked. "I'm freeing them from the evil of this world! Sending them to everlasting bliss! I knew Batman was wrong the whole time!"

    "D-Don't compare us to you, sicko!" Shiori waved her finger at him. "What we do is very different, we only destroy their bodies so their disembodied awarenesses flow to a heavenly reward!"

    Everyone, Joker included, gave her the bland look.

    Shiori fumed. "But we don't do it for pleasure!"

    "Same end result!" Joker said. "You and Ra's al Ghul should become friends..."

    "Who?"

    "Enough, this is pointless," Negi said. "Mana, please gag the Joker again. Thrice. And tighten his binds in case he is attempting anything else."

    "Bah, you know I'll escape again as soon as it's time for a punchline! Ho ho ho!"

    Mana punched him out and moved on to do that, and Negi gave Shiori a jaded look. "I didn't take a part in that discussion because the points you raise aren't easy to address. Much better women and men than me failed to answer them. In truth, I'm not sure I can say your way is wrong."

    "So you can be convinced to be an ally to our cause," Shiori said. "Think about it, given enough time, I'm sure your father would have agreed with us, too. You are intelligent and sane, you must see what we are trying to achieve. You lost family and friends to war, as well!"

    "He lost his father because of you guys!" Chisame all but roared.

    Negi smiled sadly at Shiori. "I think my father wouldn't have changed his mind, he was stubborn that way. But that makes no difference about my decision, I've realized I have to be my own man. You kidnapped Asuna and hurt my students. That's why I have to stop you."

    Shiori blinked. "Ah...? But how can you be that blind, think of the greater good!"

    Yue made a kind-of-smirk. "If you have Asuna's memories you remember how his argument with Chao went. Sensei isn't Shirou-senpai, he's not a greater good fellow when our safety is involved..."

    Shiori pouted. "I suppose no. We will remain foes then. A pity."

    Negi bowed his head to her. "Hopefully that can change and we will reach middle ground in some fashion. I really wish to be your friend, Miss Luna."

    Shiori blinked. "Luna?"

    "That's the name in your card, isn't it?"

    "Y-Yeah... Of course I know my own name! But, I'd rather be called by the name I was given by our leader!"

    Negi smiled. "I see, sorry. But personally, I think Luna sounds cuter for a cute girl like you."

    Luna blushed and huffed. "That cheap Casanova trickery won't work on me!"

    Yue bopped the back of Negi's head with a book, as strongly as she could. "I'll tell Shiomiya-san about that when we are back home, you know."

    Negi rubbed the spot that actually did not hurt him at all. "Well, her kind of cuteness is different from Miss Luna's!"
     
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  22. Threadmarks: We Come to Kill Emiya Shirou, Chapter Three Part One
    OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Fate/Stay Night, Carnival Phantasm, Fate EXTRA, Fate Extella, Fate Hollow Ataraxia, Fate Grand Order, Fate Zero, Fate Kaleid Prisma Illya, Fate Apocrypha, Fate Prototype, Fate: Today's Menu for the Emiya Family, Fate Requiem, Fate Strange/Fake, Fate School Life, Fate Tiger Colosseum, Fate Unlimited Codes, Fate Capsule Servant, Fate: Lord El-Melloi II Case Files and Fate Type/Redline are the creations and intellectual properties of Type-Moon and Nasu Kinoko.

    All other franchises and characters mentioned within this story are the intellectual properties of their respective copyright and trademark holders.

    ---

    We Come to Kill Emiya Shirou.

    Chapter Three.

    ---

    Cracky Races.

    ---

    The city was bustling with festivities and happiness once again. All four of the main Academies and all of the minor ones had closed their doors for the day. The sky was blue and clear, and the sun was bright, scorching. The streets were full of thrilled tourists and locals crowding towards the Lexcorp Racing Collosseum, from where massive speakers were broadcasting a peppy female voice all through the Mahora Valley.

    "It's finally here!" the voice was saying. Happy like a blue cat, and Loud as a Lincoln. "The Fifth Holy Grail War! The real one this time! Everyone has been sprung from jail, bails have been lawfully paid, and history's greatest warriors won't hold back in their clash! We'll be bringing you this sonic-speed ground battle live from the Academy City suburban special course! I am Fujimura Taiga, the Tiger of Mahora, gao! Next to me, lovely guest commentator Kirisu Mafuyu!"

    The voice of another woman sighed, primly. "How do I let you convince me of doing things like this?"

    "A real mystery for the ages, neee?" Taiga's voice said. "The competitors are waiting to start, so let's see how are they doing!"

    "A race now, seriously?" Artoria Pendragon huffed, folding her arms and wearing her full combat attire. "It's not as bad as that moronic game show idea, but even so..."

    She, Shirou, Illya, Berserker, Rin and Vigilante were standing at the borders of the smaller crowd of contestants waiting for the race to start, near the beginning point. They did their best to ignore the vigorous chanting of the Saber and Rin fan clubs behind the yellow tape lines.

    "It's not a bad idea, Saber," the boy tried to sway her. "It's much less lethal for all involved than a real war, never mind a TV contest!"

    Illya tapped a foot down. "Harrrumphhhh!"

    "What I want to know is," Tohsaka looked down at the humanoid duck in the purple suit, cape and hat, "why am I stuck with you again? In the previous segments I had Archer!"

    "That's right; you aren't even a real Servant!" Illya nodded. "I studied hard in Europe all there is to know about grail wars, and I never read anything about your class!"

    Vigilante gritted his beak and rolled his eyes around. "It's like the Assassin class, stealthy and predominantly nocturnal, but based on defense and protection. Not on murder."

    "A Servant who isn't focused on killing? Lame!" Illya said. "Lame, you would be lame even if you weren't a duck!"

    "How can you be stealthy when you invariably announce yourself with a flashy entrance before attacking?" Saber questioned him.

    Vigilante pulled the hat down to his eyes. "This never happens to Batman!"

    "Batman is stealthy," Shirou said.

    "You too?!" Vigilante yelled at him. "You'll be sorry when you see my Ratcatcher! A unique machine of urban warfare, the ultimate motorcycle for the vogue superhero! With her, my ungrateful Master and I are going to win the race, sure as eggs!"

    Artoria smirked. "Fancy modern transportation means are unreliable! I will summon my mighty steed, Llamrei, and he will carry Shirou and me to success! And I do have the Riding skill... unlike you!"

    "Can you even do that without being a Rider?" Illya asked her dubiously.

    "I thought Llamrei was a mare?" Tohsaka asked.

    "And I'm supposed to be a man, what are you trying to say?" the King scowled at her.

    "Um, about that..." Shirou pointed at a stand where Bazett, Kakizaki Misa, Kugimiya Madoka and Shiina Sakurako, wearing skimpy and colorful uniforms with miniature skirts, were distributing sticks from a box marked 'Lottery' between the Masters and Servants. "The organization thought it'd be unfair if everyone summoned the vehicles they are familiar with, so they will be distributed randomly by drawing lots..."

    "Whaaaaat?! And now you tell us?! Imbecile, we'll miss on the best chances!" Rin said, quickly plowing her way through the crowd and yanking a stick from Madoka.

    The others followed more quietly. "If it's a random pick, it doesn't make a difference when you pull yours, does it?" Saber said.

    Vigilante shrugged. "That's how she rolls..."

    "Bazett-san?" Shirou asked the clearly uncomfortable redhead among the younger girls. "Why are you here, shouldn't you be with Lancer as his Master?"

    Bazett coughed. "Emiya-san. I respect Cu Chulainn with absolutely no reserves, and I don't have any doubts on any of his capacities... but after those two prior chapters, I am not getting in a racecar with him."

    "Wise from you indeed," Saber approved.

    "We'll now introduce the first competitors!" Taiga announced. "Let's give an applause to Himemiya Anthy-chan, former Rose Bride of Ohtori Academy, and her Archer!"

    "Oh, Utena-sama!" the tanned Anthy gushed, hugging a big, sleek sports car painted bright pink. "This is Fate, working for us to Stay together this blessed Night!"

    Standing next to her, Archer Nameless raised a white eyebrow. "Utena? Isn't that the name of your ex?"

    "Technically she is my husband since she won the right to the Rose Bride in battle, Archer," Anthy said.

    "That part I got, but why is she a car?"

    Utena honked a few times to explain.

    "Is that supposed to clear anything out?!" the man barked.

    Smiling as enigmatically as ever, the girl caressed the windshield. "Didn't you ever watch the Adolescence of Utena movie?" she asked EMIYA.

    "Uh... no?" he said.

    "Hey, Archer!" another voice called out from behind. The Nameless Hero sighed and turned to face Rin and her Vigilante.

    "Hello, Rin," the man said. "Been a while."

    "You got The Pink Panther's jalopy, I see!" Rin laughed. "Look at the much better deal we got!"

    Archer stared at the admittedly fancy car parked next to the couple. It was sleek and functional-looking, nowhere as bombastic as 'Utena'.

    "Good for you guys, I suppose?" he said.

    The duck smiled at the mage. "We left him speechless, Master. Right?"

    "Oh ho ho!" Rin laughed. "Cars are machines I can deal with! I'm an expert driver, and Vigilante is not bad either!"

    The duck blinked. "Are you going to be at the wheel? But you are a minor!"

    "If I can kill others in a duel of magic using superpowered familiars, why can't I drive a car too?" And she hugged the ride. "My dear Unit Get Money! I can win with this, even if I had Jose Carioca as a Servant!"

    EMIYA sweatdropped. "Now, let's not go that far, Rin..."

    Medea and Akashi Wataru were presented with an old and classic family car, painted white. "Caster and Wataru-kun have been gifted with the Unit Honeymoon!" Taiga said. "What if we hear some opinions of the audience on this?"

    "This freaking thing is arranged!" Yuuna's voice roared from a point in the audience. "That woman is using magic to alter the lottery!"

    Medea put a hand to her cheek, and blinked innocently. "Oh dear! Who could that childish uproar belong to?"

    "Old haaaag! Old haaaaaag!" Yuuna chanted.

    "And now, Lancer! His machine will be the Gae BolCar!"

    The slender Irish warrior in tights posed, smiling smugly with a helmet under his arm, next to a red and black dragster. "I'm gonna come first for sure!" he said.

    From where she sat in attendance, Scathach sighed. "Just like always..."

    Musashi, who was sitting next to her, blinked. "Why are you even here without a Master anyway? Who summoned you?"

    The Witch bopped her spear mildly on Musashi's head. "How ignorant about Fate lore can you get? The Land of Shadows hasn't been burned in this continuity, I wasn't killed so I don't need to be summoned."

    "Okay, you are still alive, but why aren't you trapped in the Land of Shadows then...?" Miyamoto asked.

    Scathach waved a hand at the question. "I'm that awesome. What about you?"

    "Well, you know my gig, that's getting drunk and waking up in some other dimension, ha ha ha!" Musashi said happily, waving a jar of sake around.

    "He heh! I think we can be friends, then!" laughed stupidly a big, fat bald man with yellow skin, with a toaster held in his hands.

    "Moving on!" Mafuyu went on. "The Matou Shinji and Medusa team picked-"

    "Hey!" Ikari Shinji said from where he sat on the front basket of a granny bike, with the always stoic Medusa at the wheel. "You got the wrong Shinji, Sensei!"

    "Sorry," Mafuyu apologized then. "I don't know why, but I always mix up my disappointing, good for nothing students named Shinji."

    Shinji sulked. "I can take the humiliation of racing like this, but not one of being called Matou Shinji!"

    "Pay her no attention, Master," Rider said. She was wearing a body hugging black and white spandex outfit and her glasses. Photo flashes went off, everywhere, and there were many wolf whistlings and leerings. "My Riding skill is ranked A+. Let's go, Unit Pegasus!"

    Shinji sighed. "I trust you fully, Rider. Still, I can't help wishing we'd gotten an Evangelion..."

    "I promise you will get to wear the bodysuit next time, dear Master," the Rider promised him.

    "And the Shirou-kun and Saber team have picked..." Taiga said. The Saber fans leaned ahead, eyes widening in expectation.

    "The Wild Animal!" Mafuyu wrapped the sentence up.

    "Oh, wow," Negi said, sitting at the right of a knuckle-biting Yuuna, with Chisame distracted by her laptop at his other side. "That sounds like a powerful vehicle. Probably something as awesome as a Batmobile, or-"

    Saber rode out of the vehicle stands on a merry go round lion shaped toy, a golden cartoon beast with goofy eyes. She smiled brightly, waving.

    "Shirou...!" she called out. "Fortune has smiled upon us...!"

    "What the funk?!" Shirou said.

    Saber's fans and half of the crowd facefaulted.

    Saber blinked at Emiya's flabbergasted face. "Ah? You don't like it? The lion is a perfect symbol of royalty, what better mount for us to- to-" Then the go-lion stopped. She pouted, and she extended a hand at him. "Gimme 100 yen."

    "It needs money, too?!" Shirou said.

    "Anastasia Romanova and Kadoc Lupus in the Freezemobile, impounded from Victor Fries in Gotham City, USA!" Taiga said.

    Anastasia smiled warmly, sitting at the wheel of the humongous armored vehicle.

    "Isn't this wonderful, Master?" she asked the pale boy. "This tank matches the best of my capacities!"

    Kadoc winced, sitting above her and manning a large cannon coming out the top of the Freezemobile.

    "My butt is literally frozen to the seat!" he shared.

    "Fujimaru Ritsuko and Galahad in the Mystery Machine!" Taiga continued.

    "This is random," Ritsuko said, ready to start the colorful sixties van on. "You sure this is the original? Ain't that from a succesful franchise?"

    "I heard that after the Velma show in HBO Max began they fell in hard times and had to rent this out," Shielder said, sitting by her side. "Nobody wants to watch that junk."

    The head of a large Great Dane- that is, larger than the average Great Dane, if you can imagine it- peeked out the back of ther car between both females' heads. "I don't know Raggy ranymore!" the dog talked.

    "Crap, they forgot to fumigate for animals!" Ritsuko said.

    Shielder shrugged. "As long as Scrappy Doo isn't here too, Raster, I mean Master..."

    Ritsuko facepalmed.
     
  23. TricMagic

    TricMagic Avid Avian Acolyte

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    Is this where your crack got to OverMaster? Good to see you still kicking.
     
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  24. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Hot Topic.

    "Homer?" Bart asked, approaching the kiddy pool.

    "Mmmm? Yeah, what's going on, boy?" his father yawned, shirtless and laying there with a beer in his hand.

    "Why does the song go 'Felix the Cat, the only, only cat' when it's clear he isn't the only cat?"

    ---

    That night, Homer stared at the bedroom's ceiling, unable to sleep.

    "Gotta hand it to the boy, Marge, he knows what are the important questions."
     
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  25. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Makie's Trauma.

    She woke up around midnight. She went to pee, and when she returned from their bath, she noticed motion and sounds coming from her roommate's bunk.

    Makie peeked in and shrieked.

    ---

    The next day.

    Someone knocked on the front door of the Akashis.

    Medea opened it. A haunted looking Sasaki-chan stood there.

    "You need to stop selling Iinchou Negi-kun figurines," the teenager demanded,
     
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  26. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    A Return to Fate Unequal Order.

    They all sat around the beach, gathered in a wide circle surrounding the gigantic campfire. And under a starry sky.

    Negi served himself another slice of juicy meat. "It's really delicious. Who cooked it?"

    Jeanne pointed at the black haired Rider. "Lady Martha did!"

    "What kind of meat it is?" Chisame asked. "At least now I'm relieved it won't be anything disgusting. A saint would't poison us."

    Martha smiled. "You do know that I can summon Tarasque over and over even after he's killed in battle, right?"

    They all looked at their plates. "It's not actually disgusting..." Chisame decided after a long pause. "But even so..."

    "It is inhuman," Misa said. Nonetheless helping herself another plateful. "I mean, it's a direct attack on my diet, Martha-san!"
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2023
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  27. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    A Quick Return to Fate Unequal Order.

    "So the Servants call you Osakabehime Junior, Chisame-san?" Chizuru laughed softly. "Oh ho ho! How cute! It fits you, doesn't it!"

    "Grumble..." Chisame grumbled.

    Medb and Blackbeard passed by.

    "Oh, isn't that Osakabehime Junior?"

    "Yes, and she is talking with Raikou Junior!"

    "Ah ha ha ha! You're right! Raikou Junior! It suits her SO well!"

    As soon as they walked past, Chizuru's static smile went down into a scowl.

    "This Erice girl is supposed to kill Servants for a price, right?" she asked Chisame.

    "I learned to live with it, you do the same."
     
  28. pingas plight

    pingas plight Not too sore, are you?

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    I wonder why their isn't a summaries post?
     
  29. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Even I can't summarize this stuff, it's a collection of whatever comes to my head at any random time.
     
  30. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    More Fate Unequal Order!

    "You know," Chisame said as she and Ayaka walked towards the bath, "I'm still not sure it was a good idea, letting Fujimaru-senpai and her Servants live here."

    Ayaka laughed. "Oh ho ho ho! fraid the baths will get a bit cramped, Chisame-san? Bah! Remember, they can house up to one hundred people a time!"

    They walked in.

    "Hey, sorry, girls!" Ritsuka waved from the water. "Sorry, but we're full!"

    "Sorry!" apologized at once Barghest, Baobhan Sith, Melusine, Morgan, Artoria, Mordred, Mash, Gareth, Female Merlin, Leonardo, Anne, Mary, Jeanne, Jeanne Alter, Scheherezade, Qin Liangyu, Illya, Kuro, Miyu, BB, Meltryllis, Passionlip, Kukulkan, Arcueid, Kiara, Jack, Semiramis, Bunyan in her small form, Fran, Jeanne Alter Santa Lily, Nobunaga, Okita, Drake, Ishtar, Ereshkigal, Gozen Suzuka, Gozen Tomoe, Marie, D'Eon, Jaguarman, Anastasia, Quetzalcoatl, Blavatsky, Irisviel, Medea, Medusa, Stheno, Euryale, Circe, Serenity (who was in her own quarantine area), Osakabehime, Martha, Jane, Scathach, Bathory, Carmilla, Raikou, Skadi, Nitocris, Hokusai, Bradamante, Molay, Yu, Xu Fu, Johanna, Medb, Altera, Tamamo, Europa, Pollux, Artemis, Atalanta, Benienma, Galatea, Sheba, Abigail, Nero, Kiyohime, Miss Crane, Brynhildr, Thrud, Hild, Ortlinde, Ushiwakamaru, Jing Ke, Mata Hari, Shuten, Ibaraki, Erice, Nursery Rhyme, Nightingale, Hephaestion, Boudica, Ganesha, Corday, Caren, Kama, Caenis, Shonagon, Murasaki, Zenobia and Himiko.

    ---

    "At least it's not noisy here. Not that much!" Chisame said as she and Ayaka bathed in a small barrel on the grass, behind the baths.

    Makie walked on, wearing a towel around her body and holding a bath basket. "Room for another, girls?"

    "You can come here," Yuuna sighed while hosing the gigantic Kingprotea. "If you want, I can wash you after Prot-chan is done with her shower!"
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2023
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