[RWBY] RWBY Shorts

[zMADLAXz]

Homer?

Click to shrink...

Would be one hell of an Odyssey.

Click to shrink...

It gets even funnier because a large part of Odyssey is Poseidon just going Kendrick on Odysseus.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Of course I was tempted to go even sillier with the Arc Clan. Even more ridiculous.

All was lost. Salem loomed over them, a terrifying specter of death. Even Blake and Yang's incredible lesbian love couldn't defeat her... So they broke up immediately after. Sun helped Blake get over things real quick.

Blake: "Comfort me with your abs, Sun!"

Sun: "Okay!"

Weiss: "If we're dying, I'm going out having sex with the love of my life! Jaune! I mean you could grow a beard but otherwise you're perfect!"

Yang: "LIKE HELL! I'M the blonde bombshell! I'm getting with the hero!"

Ruby: "ME! I COMMITTED SUICIDE!"

Weiss: "YOU GOT BETTER!"

Glynda: "Great... We die as we live... As gigantic idiots."

Jaune: *sighs* "Yeah..."

Oscar: "Sorry guys. I guess... We finally ran out of time."

Nora: "Amazing how you began to suck so hard at saving the world just now, huh?"

Ren: "Uncanny. Anyway Nora, I love you. I'm sorry I was stupid."

Nora: "I was stupider! I took romantic advice from Blake!"

Blake: "HEY!"

Jaune: Is being fought over by three girls "... Somehow this isn't how I thought it would end."

Cinder: "You could always join me, Jaune~! We've always had a spark, you know! I killed your girlfriend for you!"

Jaune: "Get fucked, one-eye."

Cinder: "Oooh, I'll use the whip and candle wax for that~!"

Salem: "Mwahahahaha... You will all join me in death soon enough-!"

Isabel: "JAUNE. MILES. ARC!"

Jaune: "M-Mom?!"

Isabel Arc stalks up, cracking the ground with every step. Salem looks affronted.

Salem: "Excuse me, we're having a final battle for the fate of the world. I'll kill you when it's your turn-"

Isabel does an offhand backhand that would make Batman envious, knocking Salem right off her feet and into the nearby mountain, making it collapse on top of her.

All: "... What."

Isabel: "Why haven't you called in two years?!"

Jaune: "The CCTnet was down-"

Isabel: "YOUR SISTER SENT LETTERS! WHY COULDN'T YOU?!" She hugged him tightly "MY BABY BOY! WHY MUST YOU MAKE YOUR MOTHER WORRY SO?!"

Jaune: "MMPH!"

Salem bursts out of the mountain and stomps back.

Salem: "First: What, and second: THE FUCK?!"

Isabel: "EXCUSE ME!" Punches Salem back into the rubble of the mountain "I AM HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH MY SON! WAIT YOUR DAMN TURN!"

Salem: "... Yes ma'am."

Cinder: "... New Mistress! Hello Mother Arc! I'm your son's fiance!"

Jaune: "LIKE HELL SHE IS!"

Ruby: "YEAH! I AM!"

Weiss: "THE HELL YOU ARE!"

Yang: "I CALL HIM!"

A brawl ensues.

Blake: "... You know, I'm kind of glad not to be the harem protagonist anymore. Way too much pressure."

Sun: "Yeah, and there really wasn't much to your character in the last few volumes."

Blake: "What?"

Sun: "I mean I love you, sweetie!"

Blake: "Aw..."

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Phillip Graves walked into the office in Vale's government building that his niece was using. Honestly, he was proud of her: The troops she had stationed around the area were all sharp and eyeing him with suspicion, and were in regular uniform rather than the elaborate dress uniforms Varnholt had insisted upon with tall fuzzy green hats and ridiculous gloves.

He stepped in, scanning the interior. His niece was just where he thought she'd be: Standing in the middle of several holowindows and plots, dictating orders, while Visha stood at her side, ever faithful and supportive.

"Rip those older security systems out, pay the local electricians double if you have to," Tangy snapped, "We are NOT running the Vytal Festival with this mess of a security system! Especially not in that sector!"

"Yes ma'am!" Said the man in the window-Weiss, Graves believed. Tangy turned to another holowindow.

"Colonel, we're still dealing with Grimm infestations at Fort Celliwig," the man (Grantz he believed), "We can't pull any more troops from other bases to supplement their numbers."

Tangy frowned and nodded.

"All right. Issue another round of training missions for Beacon. Offer double pay, we've got the budget. Afterwards, get in contact with the public high schools and religious schools: See if they have any legal aged students looking to do volunteer work to help fix up the base."

"Yes ma'am!" Grantz saluted. Tangy turned to one last window, with a long faced man-Koenig, as Graves recalled.

"Colonel, there's a bandit encampment confirmed in Forever Fall. They're near the new logistics base we set up. Most likely they're after the latest Dust shipment that's waiting there for distribution."

"Cheeky bastards," Tangy muttered. "How many forces can we spare to wipe them out right now?"

Koenig shook his head.

"We're overextended as is. Can we call in an airstrike?"

Tangy hid her irritation behind her cold professional mask, but Graves knew better.

"The VSS Banshee's battlegroup doesn't arrive for two more days. They had to deal with a pirate raid," Tangy stated.

"We could ask the Atlasians," Visha suggested. Tangy sighed.

"As a last resort, we will. But if we aren't able to handle a bandit camp in our own backyard, we don't deserve the name of a military," Tangy stated.

"Then could Colonel Graves spare any men?" Koenig respectfully suggested.

Tangy looked expectantly at her uncle, who sighed.

"Sadly no. We're dealing with Grimm extermination missions for the next 48 hours. It's almost like they were all migrating here at the same time."

"Mm! We've only seen that phenomenon a few times in history, Colonel!" Visha contributed, holding up her Scroll, "But never on this scale! We haven't been able to find anything to correlate to it!"

"Keep looking," Tangy ordered, "Even Varnholt wasn't so incompetent as to let in this many Grimm around Vale on purpose."

"How is the old War Horse, by the way?" Graves asked. Tangy gave her uncle a smirk.

"He is being tended to by tailors, armorers, and publicists all day to ensure he is at his best for the Vytal Festival opening, mid, and closing ceremonies," she said, "As a man of his age and reputation should look his absolute best."

Graves grinned savagely.

"That's my girl," he said, and Tangy preened a bit. She then looked back at her subordinates, who were all attempting to hide smiles. Well, most of them: Visha didn't even bother. "Don't you all have work to do?"

"Ma'am!" They responded in unison with salutes. Tangy fixed her eyes on Koenig.

"I'll call in a favor for the camp. Maintain observation."

"Ma'am!"

The holowindows closed with a wave of Tangy's hand. She turned her full attention to her uncle, as Visha stood at her side.

"You didn't just come for that I take it?" Tangy asked.

Graves smirked a bit.

"I had a visit from Nana," he said. "She wants to know everything about Jaune's potential paramours."

"What makes you think I would waste time investigating them all?" Tangy asked, almost offended. Graves continued to smirk. Tangy sighed, and nodded to Visha. The curvy girl beamed and handed over a holochip.

"The full intel dossiers on all of them," Visha said brightly, "I think you'll be very interested! The Colonel personally made lists on how to tease them all!"

"Visha!" Tangy hissed. Visha blushed.

"Oops! Sorry!"

"Ah, that's my great-granddaughter," a kindly female voice spoke, as a dainty but agile hand snatched the holochip out of Grave's hand. Tangy goggled as Arturia Arc beamed at her. Visha grinned and waved.

"Hey Nana! There's a great new cheeseburger place near the capital building! You want to check it out?"

"I would love to!" Arturia beamed. Tangy flushed as Arturia sized her up.

"Nana," Tangy stated, "Preparations for the festival are underway. Though there are many obstacles… We are overcoming them."

Arturia stared intently at Tangy, the full force of her presence falling over them. Graves stood at attention, as did Tangy. Visha beamed, oblivious, but she remained quiet. This presence, this Aura, was strong and as heavy as the judgement of Heaven.

It then passed, leaving only warmth and love, as Arturia smiled honestly.

"As I expected of you, Tangerine," she said, "I am very proud of all you have done."

Tangy flushed, but nodded stoically.

"Thank you Nana," she said, quiet but genuine.

"So," Arturia said, glancing at Visha knowingly, "Do you have a date for the Vytal Gala?"

Tangy coughed.

"It would be inappropriate for me to take a date to the Gala, as I only know subordinates-"

"We'll be going as friend, Nana!" Visha said cheerfully. Tangy scowled.

"I didn't say that!"

"You didn't have to!" Visha bubbled, "Besides! Imagine the buffet! You wouldn't leave me out of that, would you, Colonel?"

Tangy sighed heavily.

"I suppose not," she muttered. She scowled as her uncle and great-grandmother smirked at each other. "Stop that!"

"We didn't say a word," Graves chuckled.

"You didn't have to," Tangy grumbled, as Visha began eating a chocolate bar. "Visha, don't eat while we're on duty."

"Oops! Sorry Colonel!" Visha apologized.

"So," Arturia said, "That bandit camp out in Forever Fall. How are you going to handle that? Do you need Shirou and I to go out?"

"No Nana," Tangy said, shaking her head, "While I appreciate it, if any of them got a lucky hit on you two, that would be disastrous for morale. Several Beacon teams are already deployed to Forever Fall right now for training missions, they're going to see the whole thing."

"So, who are you sending after them?" Graves asked.

"I asked a favor," and here Tangy grinned devilishly, "Of Cousin Zechs."

"You do realize that means he won't kill any of them unless he absolutely has to, right?" Graves asked, raising an eyebrow. Tangy nodded.

"Yes. As much fun as slaughtering them all might be, we do need to mind our optics," Tangy said. "Besides, returning them weaken, beaten, and demoralized will send the proper message."

"I'm so proud," Arturia sniffled.

---

Shay D. Mann had been confident this raid would be a clean sweep. Raven had dispatched him and a handful of her tribe's flunkies to hit a small Valean military logistics hub on Vale's outskirts in the Forever Fall, banking on the chaos of the White Fang's attacks to cover their tracks. The target: a hefty cache of Dust, ripe for the taking.

Things had gotten a bit complicated: A few Beacon Hunter-in-Training teams had been near the small logistics base, and were fighting them. He'd spotted Raven's daughter among them.

Raven's orders about her daughter were clear: Don't hurt her or her friends. But with the way she was charging into the fight, some blond dope with a sword and shield fighting alongside, that wasn't going to be easy. Hell the redhead was giving them enough trouble!

Even so, it was supposed to be easy… But things had gone catastrophically wrong.

"Wh-Wh-WHAT IS THAT?!" a bandit shrieked, his voice breaking in panic.

From the growing darkness as the sun set, it flew: A Mechashift Armor, its crimson and black frame gleaming with malevolent elegance, like a dragon forged in steel. Its sleek, predatory design crowned with curved, horn-like protrusions, loomed over them. In its grip, a massive Dust beam saber crackled to life, glowing with volatile energy, while a colossal heat rod extended from its arm, pulsating with menacing light. Its green, slit-like optics glared down, exuding an aura of ruthless precision.

Shay's blood ran cold. He knew exactly what this was. "That's a Mechashift Armor!" he yelled, his voice raw with dread. "IT'S A GUNDAMMMM—!"

The massacre was relentless. Epyon moved with terrifying grace, its heat rod lashing out like a serpent, slicing through bandits and their crude weapons in a blaze of sparks and screams-Only their Aura kept them from dying instantly. The heat rod swept through the air, incinerating anything in its path with molten fury.

Shay, driven by pure desperation, sprinted through the chaos, dodging energy lashes and flying debris until he reached the rendezvous point, lungs burning and heart hammering.

"RUN!" He bellowed, his fellow bandits all following his lead as they ran. A red cut appeared in reality, and one of Raven's portals opened up like a great eye. Shay dove through, the rest of the bandits following suit. They tumbled through the portal, falling to the dirty floor of the latest Branwen Tribe base. The portal shut behind them. Shay, panting hard, slowly looked up into the enraged eyes of Raven Branwen.

"Shay? What happened?" Raven demanded.

"W-Well… Um… We tried to get the shipment," Shay said, "But a lot of training teams, including Pyrrha Nikos, your daughter and her boyfriend, were fighting us."

Raven's eyes glowed with anger. Shay continued quickly.

"W-We didn't hurt them! We avoided any real harm, I promise! They're all okay… But then a GUNDAM of all things came in! A freaking Gundam! We thought they were all inactive but it came! It beat us all to a pulp! We-We're only alive because it let us go! Please, I-I take responsibility! Don't kill us all for this failure!"

Shay may have been a dirty coward but acting like he wasn't a bitch was the only way Raven wouldn't kill him. Raven stared intensely at him.

Raven then grabbed Shay's shoulder, pulled him up, and dragged him off to a private part of the old building. He heard the sighs of relief of the other bandits behind him as she pulled him along.

Traitors, he thought angrily. Raven shoved him against the wall and stared into his eyes. He held his breath.

"... When it comes to a legendary warrior, retreat is the wisest decision," Raven decided.

Shay held in his sigh of relief and tried not to sag. He nodded.

"Thank you, Raven."

"Now," Raven growled, making Shay cringe, "Tell me…"

About the shipment? The Gundam? Vale's defenses?

"... About my daughter's boyfriend," Raven asked, her eyes narrowed. "Who is he? Is he strong? What does he look like?"

Shay blinked.

"Huh?"

---

Back at the Forever Fall, Teams JNPR and RWBY looked on in awe at the dragon-like mecha shift armor. The bandits had fled from its fearsome power, though they'd been holding their own. Still, Jaune wasn't going to complain as he grinned at the ominous looking mechashift armor.

"Dragon Robot saved us!" Nora cheered. "WOO!" Lie Ren smiled indulgently. Weiss groaned.

"Why can't we just have one training mission where nothing happens?" Weiss cried, "Just one boring, straightforward mission?"

"What's the point of those?" Ruby grinned. "Oh wow, Epyon! So amazing! I wanna take it apart and put it back together!"

"It's been a while since I saw it," Jaune added, also broadly grinning.

"Wait, you know that mechashift armor?!" Weiss gasped.

"Yeah!" Jaune said with a nod with a grin. Weiss groaned.

"Oh no, don't tell me-"

The armor stepped forward. The helmet opened, revealing an incredible handsome man with piercing blue eyes and long platinum blond hair that hell down his back. He smirked a bit as Jaune waved.

"Cousin Zechs!"

"Cousin Jaune," Zechs nodded, "Glad to see you well."

"Glad to see you here!" Jaune laughed, running up to hug him. Zechs hugged him back, patting him on the shoulder.

"Super glad to see you too!" Ruby cried, clinging to Zechs' left arm eagerly. Zechs raised an eyebrow.

"Ruby Rose, I presume?"

"You've heard of me?" Ruby squealed.

"Heero told me about you," Zechs chuckled.

"HEE~!"

"Of… Of course," Weiss sighed, "Another freaking Arc." Yang elbowed her.

"Stop complaining," Yang grinned, "It's a nice preview of the future."

"Very nice," Blake agreed.

"Yes it is," Pyrrha sighed.

Weiss blushed severely.

"I-I didn't say it wasn't-I-you-Shut up!"

---