[RWBY] RWBY Shorts

[AJ_Talon]

Teddy

---

Jaune woke up to the sensation of something small and heavy standing on his chest.

He opened his eyes. A battered teddy bear with one working button eye and exposed wiring at the seams stared down at him.

"…Oh. Hey, little guy."

The bear's speaker crackled. "Yo. Buddy."

Jaune blinked. "…Uh huh?"

"You're Ruby's best friend, right?"

"Uh… yeah?"

"WRONG, MOTHERFUCKER! I'M HER BEST FRIEND!"

The teddy bear lunged.

"GAH!"

The next thing Jaune knew, he was being slammed through the dorm door and into the hallway, the bear clinging to his face.

"MINE! MY BEST FRIEND! YOU AIN'T GETTIN' YER HANDS ON HER UNDERAGED ASS—!"

Jaune flailed, got a grip, and locked the teddy bear into a chokehold. The bear bit down on his forearm.

"OWWWW! WHAT THE HELL?!"

"USE YOUR AURA, DUMBASS!" The teddy bear shouted.

"…Oh. Okay."

Jaune surged Aura into his arms and hurled the bear through the wall.

The bear's voice came from the other side of the hole. "FUCK! WHY DID I TELL YOU THAT?!"

Ruby skidded into the hallway. "TED?!"

Ted popped back through the hole, saw her, and immediately charged Jaune again. "Oh hey, Ruby. RAWWRRRRR!"

"GAH!"

"TEDDY, STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!"

---

By the time they reached the common room for breakfast, Jaune was shooting Ted a look that could have killed a Beowolf. Ted sat next to Ruby and glared right back. Yang stood at the stove, spatula in hand, not turning around. The rest of their friends were just beholding the latest bit of insanity in their life.

"Wow," Nora said, poking his ear, "He's so cool!"

"Don't touch the ear," Ted growled. Nora pulled her hand back and pouted. Pyrrha and Weiss were in disbelief. Ren sipped her tea, looking almost exasperated. Blake was intrigued, and taking notes.

"You told me you turned him off," Yang growled.

Ted's speaker crackled. "She would never!"

Ruby winced. "I... Sort of did?"

"Sort of?!" Yang demanded.

"What is he?" Jaune demanded. Ruby winced.

"Sooo… um… I made a friend when I was little. Kind of literally."

"Her best friend!" Ted announced.

Weiss sipped her coffee with a sigh. "Of course you did."

Ted pointed a paw at Jaune. "So scram, Justin Beeper! I'm her bestie!"

Jaune set his fork down. "No, I am."

"I AM!"

"I AM!"

Yang slammed the spatula on the counter. "SHUT UP, TED!"

Ted's voice dropped to a low, smug mutter. "Frigid bitch. Gonna end up some lesbian's simp with a bunch of cats."

Yang glared death at the bear.

Ruby's head snapped towards her sister, desperately. "I didn't make him think like that!"

Jaune looked at Yang, earnest and a little desperate. "Yang, you're a wonderful woman and you'd make a wonderful kickass wife to a great guy!"

Yang's ears went pink.

Pyrrha's voice cut in, sharp. "Jaune!"

"I'm sorry, this bear's a dick!"

Ted's eye narrowed. "Ooh, you kiss your mother with that mouth? 'Cause I did something to her with this mouth—"

Jaune lunged. "MOTHER—!"

He and Ted went over the table in a tangle of hoodie and stuffing. Ruby scrambled after them.

"TEDDY! JAUNE! NO!"

Weiss stared at the wreckage of breakfast. "How could Ruby make… that?!"

Nora whooped. "BEAT HIS ASS, JAUNE!"

Pyrrha sighed and physically separated them again, one hand on Jaune's collar and the other on the back of Ted's head.

Ruby got between them, hands raised. "Jaune, Teddy… can't you both be my best friend?"

"NO! I'm number one!"

"Like hell you are!"

Blake rested a hand on Ruby's shoulder. "Best you let them fight this out."

The door opened.

Penny stepped inside, bright as always. "Good morning, friends! Oh! A new friend?"

Ted's head swiveled. "AND YOU'RE NEXT, BITCH!"

Penny blinked. "For what?"

"RAWR!"

He launched himself. Penny stepped aside. He hit the wall, rebounded, and went for her back. She bent forward. Ted flew over her, out the open window, and hit the courtyard below with a heavy THUMP.

From outside: "…I'M OKAY!"

Penny turned. "Ruby?"

Yang crossed her arms. "Ruby."

Ruby threw her hands up. "Why do you think it's me?!"

Penny's head tilted. "How many times has it been you?"

"Not that many times!"

"Twelve times to date."

Ruby blinked.

"That many?"

Jaune, still breathing hard and holding one of Ted's loose button eyes, said, "You made a sapient teddy bear cyborg that tried to kill me."

Yang gestured at him without a word.

"You tried to kill him!" Ruby shot back.

Yang's expression said that was not the defense she thought it was.

"He couldn't have hurt you!" Ruby insisted. "You're fine! Once you realized you had Aura!"

Jaune rubbed his face. "I'd rather he didn't fight me at all!"

From the courtyard, Ted's distant voice floated up:

"YOU'RE JUST MAD I WAS KICKING YOUR ASS!"