Chapter 19 - Protracted Ruling
TCGM
(Unverified God/Space Snek)
- Joined
- Jan 30, 2018
- Messages
- 349
- Likes received
- 9,990
The Only Winning Move Is Overwhelming Firepower
Chapter 19
Protracted Ruling
Chapter 19
Protracted Ruling
I ascend into the sky over Bethesda's various buildings with a genuine smile on my face.
I did good, a lot of it. Thousands of people now have no need to worry about money, probably for the rest of their lives, and can work on their passion without much oversight. Plus they've only got very rough guidelines on what I even want them to do.
I basically just turned Bethesda and all its geeks, nerds, and designers into a Skunkworks. A gaming one, sure, but I have no illusions that they won't be incredibly useful down the line in other ways. I've just laid the foundation of the research group I sort of barely thought of in the heat of the moment who'll take all the cool tech I get and make it useful.
You know, once they get the most ambitious game in the history of the planet up and running.
And I cannot wait to tell Kayaba. His face? I'm going to put that on all my social medias, and I will title it something appropriately hilarious!
Huh, someone is calling me. Oh, Elsa is calling me.
Guess she's done with her spy report? A quick check shows that yes, the jet is back on course. It's even flying in a path that would make sense if it had been forced to land at Phoenix for repairs.
Or whatever asinine excuse she'll make up.
She probably won't even be lying, from a certain point of view.
"Hello, this is your best alien overlord speaking, I can't come to the phone right now but know that I'm putting your call in a very important queue. Please enjoy this music while you wait."
She's not going to buy this. I know she isn't. But that doesn't make this any less necessary.
"Planetcaller, I know you're there, your phone is just a program you run inside yourself-" my bodyguard and/or personal assistant begins, but she gets cut off as I quickly pull up and start streaming what has to be Humanity's crowning achievement across the entire omniverse.
DUH DUH DUH, D-D-D-D-DUH
Elsa is entirely silent as the first drum hits of one of the most recognizable, simultaneously loved and hated, and indicative things we've ever made blast out of her cell phone.
The violin joins in. My grin grows. Elsa, meanwhile, is not happy.
"No."
"YES!" I say over the music.
"You didn't."
"I totally did."
"We're no strangers to love… you know the rules, and so do I!"
"I hate you." The vehemence in her voice is possibly the most delicious thing I've eaten since becoming a death robot.
"No you don't!"
...Upon momentary reflection, what I've eaten so far consists of hot chocolate, a bullet, and my assistant's misery filled tears.
Not even the Holy Nectar of the Gods is enough to keep my taste buds satisfied. Or, well, whatever passes for them in this nanite form. I honestly designed them, saved the things, applied them to my new body and promptly ceased giving a shit.
I need to go get a pizza.
"You're rickrolling me OVER A PHONE CALL!" Elsa shouts back, shattering my dreams of noms.
"And myself!" I add on, entirely pleased with myself.
Yeah, that's right, Writer Me. Suffer.
All you reading this, suffer too.
"A full commitment's what I'm thinking of. You wouldn't get this from any other guy!"
"Turn that off or I swear I will find a way to freeze you."
I shrug to myself and cut the music. She can try. It won't work, but no need to antagonize her even further.
Yet.
"Thank you," Elsa seethes.
"So, what's up?" I ask. A ping to the GPS system places me over the middle of bumfuck nowhere, and I've got a lot of flight left to get to where Elsa's jet currently is.
...Is it my jet? I'm pretty sure it's my jet, actually.
Whoever's jet the sleek craft is, I am on the other side of the country from it at the moment. Thus the flying at several machs.
"What's up is you have an entire brand new country that you lead and you need to, you know, lead it!" she declares.
"Do I, though?" I ask, musing on the topic.
"...What? Of course you do!"
"Really?" I'm actually skeptical now. "What exactly needs my leadership? I mean aren't states pretty autonomous anywa-"
"I see what you're doing and no, just because our states are very self run, that doesn't mean you aren't important," Elsa interjects, shutting me down. "Yes, the governors can run their states. Yes, they probably prefer that. But for the large scale stuff? The things which the entire country has to come together on? No. We were US states literally a week ago, even if at some point in the future you get a more automatic system going we aren't there now so you are important, Mister President."
My eyebrows rise to the top of my face and I can't help it, I'm impressed. "Wow."
"Wow what."
I realize how bad that sounded and wince. "No, I mean it. Wow. That was… can you write my speeches in the future?"
Elsa cautiously, warily humors me. "Why are you asking?"
"Because I don't like writing them and you're damn good at it?" I fire back rhetorically. Honestly I'm a bit offended that she might think I'm shitting on her ability to write speeches of all things.
"...Oh," Elsa's voice comes out small and a little embarrassed. "Well, thank you."
Silence reigns for a few moments.
"I'm not writing your speeches for you," her decision arrives, reluctance clear in her voice.
I sigh. Oh well, I'll just have to get some other sucker to do it. "Worth a shot," I easily
"Hmm." Elsa's tone is back to one of amusement and I let out a breath of relief. "So, as I seem to have fallen into the role of your Chief of Staff, I've been taking the liberty of gathering up what we need to go over while you've been off… taking over game companies?" She sounds confused and surprised at that, then I can practically feel her disapproval. "Planetcaller."
"Hey, they love me now," I defend myself.
Elsa sighs, a long, suffering infused expulsion of air. "Right. We don't exactly have an Oval Office and both of us are currently flying- you are flying, right?"
I look down at the clouds racing by under my feet and grin. "I am among the sky fluff, yes."
Elsa's eyes roll. I know that by instinct and verify it with a check of the jet's sensors. "Well, there's not much more secure a location than a place nobody can get to you or overhear you, and I know this line is secure from my end. I doubt anything on the planet can compromise your end's security even if it's because you're alien tech. And we're both tentatively not busy for the time being, so we can handle some of this now. Unless you have somewhere else to be?"
"Not right now. I'm actually on an intercept course for you," I inform her.
"Okay good. I don't think we've got enough time to go over it all if that's the case, but if we don't make a dent soon you'll be able to build another Beacon out of paper."
I groan out loud. "Fine, but I am going to stop for pizza on the way," I warn her.
"...You don't even need to eat."
"Pizza is tasty. Call it a mental health supplement."
"Vegetable, mental health aid, what's next, a drink?" Elsa mumbles to herself. I'm pretty sure I wasn't supposed to hear that, but I can't let this opportunity go to waste.
"Don't tempt me."
Elsa says nothing. Instead, I hear a thump and the rustle of a stack of paper being thumbed through.
The sound which is somehow loud enough to be picked up by her microphone.
...That sound which is still going.
"Elsa?"
It hasn't stopped.
She's not saying anything.
"...Elsa, how much paperwork do you have?"
Still no response.
"Elsa?" I nearly squeak.
"Settle in. This is going to be a long flight," she finally declares.
My little wail of misery doesn't stop her from making another thump, this time of a thick stack of paper on another thick stack of paper, nor does it keep her from starting to read.
"To the Office of the President of Name Pending…"
The only solace I have in this new, fresh hell is that I've already decided that as punishment for spying on me, Elsa will be doing my paperwork for me.
Because as much as she has on hand right now? What she'll have to process after I make my decisions here is a magnitude more.
Enjoy this victory while it lasts, my dear bodyguard. But I shall have the last laugh.
Last edited: