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The Only Winning Move Is Overwhelming Firepower [PA Multicross SI]

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by TCGM, Oct 7, 2018.

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  1. Threadmarks: Chapter 19 - Protracted Ruling
    TCGM

    TCGM (Unverified God/Space Snek)

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    The Only Winning Move Is Overwhelming Firepower
    Chapter 19
    Protracted Ruling

    I ascend into the sky over Bethesda's various buildings with a genuine smile on my face.

    I did good, a lot of it. Thousands of people now have no need to worry about money, probably for the rest of their lives, and can work on their passion without much oversight. Plus they've only got very rough guidelines on what I even want them to do.

    I basically just turned Bethesda and all its geeks, nerds, and designers into a Skunkworks. A gaming one, sure, but I have no illusions that they won't be incredibly useful down the line in other ways. I've just laid the foundation of the research group I sort of barely thought of in the heat of the moment who'll take all the cool tech I get and make it useful.

    You know, once they get the most ambitious game in the history of the planet up and running.

    And I cannot wait to tell Kayaba. His face? I'm going to put that on all my social medias, and I will title it something appropriately hilarious!

    Huh, someone is calling me. Oh, Elsa is calling me.

    Guess she's done with her spy report? A quick check shows that yes, the jet is back on course. It's even flying in a path that would make sense if it had been forced to land at Phoenix for repairs.

    Or whatever asinine excuse she'll make up.

    She probably won't even be lying, from a certain point of view.

    "Hello, this is your best alien overlord speaking, I can't come to the phone right now but know that I'm putting your call in a very important queue. Please enjoy this music while you wait."

    She's not going to buy this. I know she isn't. But that doesn't make this any less necessary.

    "Planetcaller, I know you're there, your phone is just a program you run inside yourself-" my bodyguard and/or personal assistant begins, but she gets cut off as I quickly pull up and start streaming what has to be Humanity's crowning achievement across the entire omniverse.

    DUH DUH DUH, D-D-D-D-DUH

    Elsa is entirely silent as the first drum hits of one of the most recognizable, simultaneously loved and hated, and indicative things we've ever made blast out of her cell phone.

    The violin joins in. My grin grows. Elsa, meanwhile, is not happy.

    "No."

    "YES!" I say over the music.

    "You didn't."

    "I totally did."

    "We're no strangers to love… you know the rules, and so do I!"

    "I hate you." The vehemence in her voice is possibly the most delicious thing I've eaten since becoming a death robot.

    "No you don't!"

    ...Upon momentary reflection, what I've eaten so far consists of hot chocolate, a bullet, and my assistant's misery filled tears.

    Not even the Holy Nectar of the Gods is enough to keep my taste buds satisfied. Or, well, whatever passes for them in this nanite form. I honestly designed them, saved the things, applied them to my new body and promptly ceased giving a shit.

    I need to go get a pizza.

    "You're rickrolling me OVER A PHONE CALL!" Elsa shouts back, shattering my dreams of noms.

    "And myself!" I add on, entirely pleased with myself.

    Yeah, that's right, Writer Me. Suffer.

    All you reading this, suffer too.

    "A full commitment's what I'm thinking of. You wouldn't get this from any other guy!"

    "Turn that off or I swear I will find a way to freeze you."

    I shrug to myself and cut the music. She can try. It won't work, but no need to antagonize her even further.

    Yet.

    "Thank you," Elsa seethes.

    "So, what's up?" I ask. A ping to the GPS system places me over the middle of bumfuck nowhere, and I've got a lot of flight left to get to where Elsa's jet currently is.

    ...Is it my jet? I'm pretty sure it's my jet, actually.

    Whoever's jet the sleek craft is, I am on the other side of the country from it at the moment. Thus the flying at several machs.

    "What's up is you have an entire brand new country that you lead and you need to, you know, lead it!" she declares.

    "Do I, though?" I ask, musing on the topic.

    "...What? Of course you do!"

    "Really?" I'm actually skeptical now. "What exactly needs my leadership? I mean aren't states pretty autonomous anywa-"

    "I see what you're doing and no, just because our states are very self run, that doesn't mean you aren't important," Elsa interjects, shutting me down. "Yes, the governors can run their states. Yes, they probably prefer that. But for the large scale stuff? The things which the entire country has to come together on? No. We were US states literally a week ago, even if at some point in the future you get a more automatic system going we aren't there now so you are important, Mister President."

    My eyebrows rise to the top of my face and I can't help it, I'm impressed. "Wow."

    "Wow what."

    I realize how bad that sounded and wince. "No, I mean it. Wow. That was… can you write my speeches in the future?"

    Elsa cautiously, warily humors me. "Why are you asking?"

    "Because I don't like writing them and you're damn good at it?" I fire back rhetorically. Honestly I'm a bit offended that she might think I'm shitting on her ability to write speeches of all things.

    "...Oh," Elsa's voice comes out small and a little embarrassed. "Well, thank you."

    Silence reigns for a few moments.

    "I'm not writing your speeches for you," her decision arrives, reluctance clear in her voice.

    I sigh. Oh well, I'll just have to get some other sucker to do it. "Worth a shot," I easily

    "Hmm." Elsa's tone is back to one of amusement and I let out a breath of relief. "So, as I seem to have fallen into the role of your Chief of Staff, I've been taking the liberty of gathering up what we need to go over while you've been off… taking over game companies?" She sounds confused and surprised at that, then I can practically feel her disapproval. "Planetcaller."

    "Hey, they love me now," I defend myself.

    Elsa sighs, a long, suffering infused expulsion of air. "Right. We don't exactly have an Oval Office and both of us are currently flying- you are flying, right?"

    I look down at the clouds racing by under my feet and grin. "I am among the sky fluff, yes."

    Elsa's eyes roll. I know that by instinct and verify it with a check of the jet's sensors. "Well, there's not much more secure a location than a place nobody can get to you or overhear you, and I know this line is secure from my end. I doubt anything on the planet can compromise your end's security even if it's because you're alien tech. And we're both tentatively not busy for the time being, so we can handle some of this now. Unless you have somewhere else to be?"

    "Not right now. I'm actually on an intercept course for you," I inform her.

    "Okay good. I don't think we've got enough time to go over it all if that's the case, but if we don't make a dent soon you'll be able to build another Beacon out of paper."

    I groan out loud. "Fine, but I am going to stop for pizza on the way," I warn her.

    "...You don't even need to eat."

    "Pizza is tasty. Call it a mental health supplement."

    "Vegetable, mental health aid, what's next, a drink?" Elsa mumbles to herself. I'm pretty sure I wasn't supposed to hear that, but I can't let this opportunity go to waste.

    "Don't tempt me."

    Elsa says nothing. Instead, I hear a thump and the rustle of a stack of paper being thumbed through.

    The sound which is somehow loud enough to be picked up by her microphone.

    ...That sound which is still going.

    "Elsa?"

    It hasn't stopped.

    She's not saying anything.

    "...Elsa, how much paperwork do you have?"

    Still no response.

    "Elsa?" I nearly squeak.

    "Settle in. This is going to be a long flight," she finally declares.

    My little wail of misery doesn't stop her from making another thump, this time of a thick stack of paper on another thick stack of paper, nor does it keep her from starting to read.

    "To the Office of the President of Name Pending…"

    The only solace I have in this new, fresh hell is that I've already decided that as punishment for spying on me, Elsa will be doing my paperwork for me.

    Because as much as she has on hand right now? What she'll have to process after I make my decisions here is a magnitude more.

    Enjoy this victory while it lasts, my dear bodyguard. But I shall have the last laugh.
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2020
  2. edboy49

    edboy49 Versed in the lewd.

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    Good chapter.
    Nice to see this is back.
     
    TCGM likes this.
  3. Extras: In Another Tax Haven
    theonebutcher

    theonebutcher Hahaha! ... Waitaminute... Oh God NO!

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    "My dear staff... To the fun things first: The Budget."

    Groans around the table.

    "No. This is important and needs to come first: State Taxes: Remain as is. The States need to adjust to the new situation and they can do it better with a full treasury. They can do it better when they aren't trying to reform their Tax code, they can do it better when they aren't balancing their entire budgets anew in the middle of the year. Put out a suggestion, not a law, not an order, not a regulation, that they try to make the transition smoothly.

    "Now federal Taxes. They are on the way out. Why? The defense budget: Gone. We will make treaties with NATO, trading fuel for a defense pact in case my own Armies, privately owned and mechanical, should ever fail or be unavailable, but I can project Force from a galactic scale down to the scale of superheavy tanks. Think Landbound heavy cruisers. Anything smaller scale runs into problems with diminishing returns. Its more expensive for me to field, say, ten Abrams Tanks than four superheavies. Not that expensive, mind, but a good Army is as efficient as possible, no matter the amount of overwhelming force you can bring to bear.

    "Schools? Free energy, peerless internet connectivity, I have the patent for the Nerve Gear, they can apply for new construction done by my drones free of charge. Student loans? Good grades can pay them back partially.

    "Pensions? As rent and utilities drop they don't need to be raised for a while.

    "Now, the Federation will produce energy, hydrogen, oxygen and carbon filtered from the atmosphere. The energy will be available more cheaply for industries that settle within our borders. The public Transportation system will have two branches, a technical and a personell branch. The technical branch will be government owned, vehicles provided and maintained by the federation. They will also take over most, but not all road maintenance. There need to remain humans trained in the maintenance of infrastructure, otherwise I would be a single point of failure. The personell branch will be a private service provider. Drivers, conductors, caterers, cleaners. All privately owned and regulated.

    "At nine cents per Kilowatt hour the US Federal revenue equals it's energy budget. And that is before lower prices increase demand. I trust you can make this work."
     
  4. SystemSearcher

    SystemSearcher "I fought the door and the door won"

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    This specific point was the point where I realized that you're severely underestimating just how far Planetcaller is willing to yeet the Status Quo.
     
  5. TCGM

    TCGM (Unverified God/Space Snek)

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    hugs

    Good enough for an omake so in it goes! Thanks for writing it, even if it's probably not going to go down this way.

    ...Loans?

    :cool:

    Where we're going we don't need... loans.
     
  6. theonebutcher

    theonebutcher Hahaha! ... Waitaminute... Oh God NO!

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    Oh boy, if you're going to yeet too much and scrap a system like that... You'll have to do a LOT of paperwork.
     
    TCGM likes this.
  7. TCGM

    TCGM (Unverified God/Space Snek)

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    *Elsa will have to do a lot of paperwork
     
    Amanofmanytentacles and Anti-No like this.
  8. theonebutcher

    theonebutcher Hahaha! ... Waitaminute... Oh God NO!

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    You do know that Elsa can... you know... quit? And then you have Croneyism. There's a reason Dictators tend to suck.
     
  9. TCGM

    TCGM (Unverified God/Space Snek)

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    You're right, she could quit being the right hand woman of the most powerful person on the planet, the guy who gives her cool superpowers, and who is changing the entire planet for the better.

    She'd need a new IQ assessment, but it is indeed possible.

    And the reason most Dictators suck is because they want power.

    Planetcaller doesn't.
     
  10. theonebutcher

    theonebutcher Hahaha! ... Waitaminute... Oh God NO!

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    Uh, not just because of that. There's been a lot of Kings who didn't want power and who sucked. Bureaucracy is often evil.
     
  11. sinepost

    sinepost I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    I have to say that his flailing about with his efforts to secure Bethesda IP didn't exactly fill me with confidence in his capability either. People can most definitely be incompetent at stuff without being evil or stupid.
     
  12. adaw

    adaw furry dweeb

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    I have a strong feeling that you'll end up handing those states back over in return for more fun companies.
    The Robber Barons insatiable appetite for material wealth hasn't just been met, it's been exceeded. He can only nap away with an overstuffed tummy, too prosperous to even think of gouging those with less power than him - this is an ideal of the post-scarcity economy.
     
    TCGM likes this.
  13. Threadmarks: Chapter 20 - Work All Day Makes Crack A Dull Toy
    TCGM

    TCGM (Unverified God/Space Snek)

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    The Only Winning Move Is Overwhelming Firepower
    Chapter 20
    Work All Day Makes Crack A Dull Toy

    "...The Japanese Embassy wants to know if it will be allowed to continue existing within Name Pending." Paper shuffles, a lot of it, and then Elsa sighs. "And so do all the other embassies within California. There's even some countries without embassies asking if they can convert a few of their dedicated cultural sites into new ones."

    "Of course-" I say in between bites, "-they can-", yet another munch goes out across the phone call, "they just need-", gulp, "-to pay-", yet another munch, "-whoever owns them right now."

    Elsa sighs again. "Would it kill you to not intentionally broadcast the absolutely most fake eating sound effects I've ever heard in the middle of a very important conversation just to annoy me?"

    I'm silent for several long seconds, astounded that she realized what I was just doing. Those were some good sound effects! I even paid for them!

    "Planetcaller."

    I shove the last piece of deliciousness down my thankfully unending maw while sending her a reply. "I have no idea what you're talking about," I innocently declare.

    "Sure. The Embassies?"

    I shrug automatically before I remember that she can't actually see me. "Again, sure, I don't care. As long as they follow the laws we set when they're not on their little islands of sovereignty."

    Elsa's quirked lips are somehow audible. "That's usually how Embassies and their staff work, yes. Speaking of, do you have some… I don't know, enlightened set of alien laws you want to pass by me for a look before you blunder your way into announcing them into actual law on live TV?"

    I pointedly ignore her snark, as is my right as Best Supreme Ruler, and honestly think about her question. Do I have some prepared? Not really. I didn't exactly enter this reality planning on doing anything important, much less creating law.

    Then again… Maybe I already have what I need, from when I was Writer Me.

    I direct the nanites in the jet flying just a few kilometers in front of me to print a stack of papers with a decent amount of text on them above Elsa's head and drop it on her desk.

    Her shriek is hilarious.

    "... I…! I am so going to get you back for that," she seethes into the phone. "Just as soon as you get here. In the meantime I'm going to review these 'Terran Morlawls' to see how badly I'm going to need to bullshit to get people to accept them."

    "Thanks buddy! You're the best!" I fire back at her.

    "Also, I don't care how long you pout at me, we're not calling them that," she adds on.

    I pointedly do not pout, and claims to the contrary are total BS. "But it'll annoy so many other heads of state!"

    She just grumbles at me and hangs up.

    ...I don't think she'll actually have any issues with what's in the Morlawls, just with the name. I'm not even attached to the name that much, really, I just wanted to see how she'd respond. I spent quite a long time tweaking the actual laws in the list as my original self. Most of the potential issues with what they propose and mandate come from implementation and overcoming opposition to them, their actual systems and checks are mostly self balancing once running.

    And hey, that's what a benevolent dictator is for, right? I even have the tech and power to just sidestep anyone who tries to stop their fellow human from having a good life, ignoring them entirely instead of rolling over them.

    But if they piss me off enough… well as I told Kate, that would be devastating for them, and annoying for me.

    I'm not really interested in thinking about that right now though, so let's see how I can freak out Elsa's pilots.

    … OOH, I know!

    I accelerate well past her jet and line myself up, T-posing on the clouds to assert dominance.

    Gotta tell you, Commander who can swim in volcanoes or not, there's still something terrifying about an aircraft fifty times your size flying straight towards you.

    Even though I know for a fact this isn't going to hurt, I instinctively close my eyes and brace for impact.




    "Copy that Reagan, we'll see you in an hour," Pilot Guy continues his conversation with the airport ATC team who likely doesn't want to hear from me again.

    "So James, what do you think of our new alien overlord?" Copilot Girl asks, amusement clear on her face and her grin knowing.

    James sighs and pinches his nose. "Look, Kim, you're the third person to tease me about this. I know I regularly praise fictional new overlords online but I never thought it would actually happ-"

    THOOM

    The entire hull of the jet rocks with an impact, a deep, resounding boom not unlike a gong being struck by a tank shell nearly blowing out the mics of the two pilots. Elsa, James, and Kim nearly jump out of their seats.

    But nothing else, because I didn't really hit the plane that hard. I both chickened out at the last second and realized it would likely be pretty bad for a jet not made out of me to hit me at the speed it was approaching me.

    So I just shook the plane a little and rang the hull with copious use of nanotech bullshit.

    Elsa scrambles to get up as the two pilots nearly panic. They quickly glance over their instrument panels trying to find the fault.

    "Everything's…. okay?" James almost asks. "Confirm, copilot?"

    "I confirm. Instruments are all… clear," Kim affirms with a tone no less confused than his, though clearly her heart is still settling down. "Huh."

    There isn't any fault, of course. The jet is fine, and still on course.

    "What the hell did we hit?" James asks, still scanning the panels for anything at all.

    Kim looks up to reply to him and happens to glance out the cockpit windows. Her mouth drops open. Then she starts to get angry.

    Uh oh.

    Before she can no doubt start chewing me out, Elsa comes barreling into the cockpit. "What happened? Is everything okay?" she asks rapidly. "Can I help?"

    James turns back her way and blinks. He shakes himself out of his monetary surprise at seeing her in their cockpit. "I'm not sure, Ma'am. We're pretty sure we hit something but-"

    Finally, Kim manages to come back to herself and closes her mouth. She crosses her arms, then glares forward with all the daggers she can provide. "Actually I'm pretty sure something hit us," she deadpans.

    Elsa and James look at her, then follow her glare out the right front cockpit window.

    Where I'm pressed up against the glass, waving like an idiot, with the biggest grin I've ever worn on my very, very smug face.

    It takes them approximately three seconds to process that yes, I am outside the jet, and yes, I'm hanging onto the nose with no regard for physics or the high speed wind caused by the jet's flight speed.

    "Hey guys," I remotely say inside the cabin, timing my mouth movements to match my voice, "fancy running into you up here. How're the kids? Weather all fine? I kinda hit a nasty pocket of lightning coming out of DC, could you give me some directi-"

    And that is as far as I get, because Elsa manages to figure out relative scope matter formation just to yeet me off the jet with giant shards of ice.

    I'm so proud of her.
     
  14. Kaseywolf

    Kaseywolf Having ideas I'll never act on

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    Hey. Yeah you author guy. Post more feed my gluttony.

    Good luck writing!
     
  15. Mastersgt

    Mastersgt Versed in the lewd.

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    Man. I like PA-Commander multi-cross stories. I kinda wish someone would do an Inspired Inventor multi-cross in the same vein. Like Hiver, Drich, Fusou, Faith, etc... But with Inspired Inventor instead of as a PA-Commander. Heck, they could MAKE themselves a PA-Commander.
     
  16. Zeushobbit

    Zeushobbit I use my mind and yours doesn't matter.

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    They grow up so fast.
     
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