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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    Well, do you feel any lingering trace of depression and/or self-doubt from the Anti-life? Also: Sleeping in armour? Tres uncomfortable.

    <Hnnng!> Too cute... x3

    Definitely something worth checking, yes.

    Well, I don't think she meant 'wake up in bed with transmogrified alien' precisely. But I expect it was similarly scandalous.

    Not even a blush? Shameless, Popper, shameless.:p

    "Are... You... Reeeeeeaaaaalllly?"

    The first of many apologies to make to many, many ponies... And a surer sign of character development we've not seen.

    Ah, Pinkie Pie, confusing people no matter the form or name...

    Hint: it's not where the Cutie Marks are. If you can't see the linked image, it's basically the ribs to edge of the hip... Like this.

    And cue the faint sound of music in the background. Man, where's Music Meister when you need him. Oh, well, Rings! (No, Corpsman. Just... No.)

    It's like a pair of eight-year-olds swapping secrets... How appropriate.

    Cloudy Quartz (Pinkie's mother) is gonna be reeeaaal confused when she finds out about this...

    What?

    I know ponies have a good field of vision but I don't think it's quite that good, no.

    So, more natural, less Construct.

    Dude! Be more careful when trying to poke the memetic cognitive hazard!

    Until Dad decides you're ready for something a little stronger...

    And now she's grinning like a loon, because Musical Number!

    That 'one bad day' that set him on the path of the Renegade...

    Yeah, Paragon works so much better. Although your counterpart is a little cracked in his own way too...

    Dude, if you weren't so big, she'd probably be jumping your 'bones' right now...

    Indeed, you might want to arrange a little meeting with the Team later...

    Yep, you were a manipulative jerk. Own it and make amends for it.

    "There are... No strings... On me... Whoops, wrong tune."

    If this weren't Equestria, I suspect people would be thinking 'he's a nutcase!' As it is, they're going 'oh, someone's had an epiphany worthy of a musical routine.'

    I really hope the rings are recording this. Ringnestro, you better be, if only to embarrass him later!
    Oh, you can count on that...

    Now, can we get passers-by to join in on the choreography? Popper, get on it!

    The fall of the first Light. Lex lives, the rest got Orange Crushed...

    How nice of him, or so Darkseid would think...

    Admittedly, not difficult given how big he is. That's a lot of dance-floor.

    As long as you aren't, uh, 'Standing Proud.' That might get you a fine for public indecency, even in a pony culture.

    And making an ass of yourself, Corpsman. ...And now I'm making puns. Sweet spirits...

    Do not question the logic of the song-and-dance!

    Not exactly taking it slow, really.

    His Vega road-trip summed up nicely.

    And the background music screeches to a halt.

    Apology number two! Get to it.

    Yeah, you've earned that attitude.

    And well said. Good to see he's learnt the benefit of Friendship after all.

    Wow, really? Does she not have any idea of the plague she's just unleashed on Equestria? On the other hand, they can form one hell of a party planning business...

    Even as a clone, she's still Twilight's friend at heart....

    Music back on, choreography at the ready! And... Action!

    One hell of an adventure, certainly.

    Oh, my! </Takei>

    Not helping those rumours settle down, Grayven...

    "And boy, was it an... Experience. Is it really that common that no-one batted an eyelid?"

    In the form of the White light, anyway. I suspect there's a strong connection between the two.

    Ah, he's come so far.

    Keeping a lady up all night, Grayven? What will her sister say?

    Ah, using that Royal Prerogative to smooth over legal issues...

    Brace yourself, little filly...

    Interesting that he could do that. I didn't expect Conquest to allow for allies rather than subjects or subordinates... Also: Obligatory 'Wing-boner!' joke.

    And Party Popper's smile grows ever wider...

    Rolling around laughing? It would be so appropriate...

    And Celestia gets a funny shiver down her spine.

    CUT! And roll Episode credits!

    Oh, man. This really did feel like an episode of 'Friendship is Magic'... I can't stop smiling.:) Well done, Mr Zoat, well done indeed. I bet this whole thing was long in the planning...

    That little bit of Godspeech:
    Correction:
    And everypony else went along with it.
    Missing Full Stop, I believe?
    ...aren't the jewellery that you...
    ...from your own virtues...
     
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2020
  2. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Forget about showing a recording of this to just the Team.
    This should be shown to the whole world just for shits and giggles:D

    Speaking of showing records of gods doing weird things and interesting bit of worship for Helios would be OL showing a recording of him empowering Kon to defeat Oceanus and maybe that whole planetary destroyer level of laser eye beams he gave him and what it did on that gas giant.
    OL could also pay a band to compose some kind of song for Helios seeing as he likes modern music i'm sure he will appreciate and if people see the recording of him empowering Kon than people are going to show up.
    Just a suggestion
     
  3. AidanMorgan

    AidanMorgan Essentially Overworked

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    I was thinking of Men In Tights myself.
     
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  4. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Renegade really needs to patch things up with the Team, though i'm sure he will seeing as Zoat gave a spoiler about him participating in some drinking game with them.
     
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  5. Promenius

    Promenius Not too sore, are you?

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    I was fucking waiting for a "let's break out into song!"-moment, and I was not disappointed. This made my day, not gonna lie. Great chapter.

    I'm also curious as to whether Grayven is gonna try to woo Luna for reals, now that she sees he's... well, "reformed", much like herself.

    Link's broken for me as well, sadly.
     
  6. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  7. w34v3r

    w34v3r Versed in the lewd.

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    'No strings on me' or whatever the precise title is is most definitely a song. Ultron's theme in Avengers 2 to be specific. Sure the italian kid sang it first, but Ultron just put so much more of himself into it that I consider his the more definitive rendition.
     
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  8. SebazuD

    SebazuD Experienced.

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    The Mirror copies remembereing Pinkie's life changes everything though.
    It means they were purposedly destructive around Poniville rather than not knowing any better.
     
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  9. WhiteNoise

    WhiteNoise Making the rounds.

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    The traditional pronunciation of "dour" doesn't rhyme with "sour". It's more like "tour" than "tower". That said, rhyming with sour is getting quite common these days.
     
  10. Grounded

    Grounded Oh no, I fell over.

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    Honestly I saw it more as her making a joke rather than actually recalling a memory. It’s the kind of thing any mother would say to her filly, and it fit the situation.
     
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  11. Idkusername

    Idkusername Versed in the lewd.

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    Great job on the composition, then. Even more so assuming you just had one day to work on it.

    See! See! I’m not the only one!
     
  12. Mquz

    Mquz Versed in the lewd.

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    I think that song reminded me of something from Wicked!, though I haven’t seen it in a long time.
     
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  13. Sorrow

    Sorrow Getting sticky.

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    I hate to admit it, but I just skipped past most of the singing. I might be a little literary tone deaf...
     
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  14. m_d

    m_d Fascinated by storytelling

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    Works for me.
     
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  15. Azure Mirage

    Azure Mirage Making the rounds.

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    Logged in after many months of lurking just to give you Kudos Zoat. Darn good read this latest part, and that song makes me want to record a rendition of it. Heck, can we get a "Questionable Questors Sing" video going? We all submit our horrible singing of the song audio via some upload site and someone sets it to music splicing bits and pieces together here and there and just in general making it awesome? Like this: https://archive.org/details/ASingsPsychoPassOP2
     
  16. WereDragon

    WereDragon Bookwyrm

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    A song was promised and a song was delivered. Magnificently.
    Wasn’t expecting an original though, most impressive.

    Slightly disappointed that the White/Rainbow Ring didn’t get a mention when they discussed what happened. Perhaps something for Sunset to investigate later.

    Wonder if we will get to see him giving apologies when he gets back to Earth.
     
    AtomicGeneral25 likes this.
  17. moralrelativity

    moralrelativity Recovering pendant.

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    Love this arc so, so much Mr Zoat. You've outdone yourself with this one. Thanks!
     
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  18. Ace Dreamer

    Ace Dreamer Questioning The Nature of our Realities

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    Looks OK to me...


    Nice piece of work on this. You know you're really getting into writing a story when you write song lyrics to go in it. :)

    As for tune, for some reason my brain was trying to fit things into Modern Major General, which I know doesn't work, and somehow mixing in bits of this - no, I really don't think that works. :)

    Like I said, nice work, and my choice of tunes is (probably) just my brain being weird, half-asleep on a Sunday 1st March morning. :)

    (Then, there's me imagining the above linked stage show, only, all with ponies...)
    ((I take no responsibility for (the sanity of) anyone who might decide, on the basis of the opening above, to watch 'Excel Saga'. :) ))
     
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2020
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  19. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    I fixed it since they commented.
    As I said, the song sounds a little more like 'Be Our Guest', perhaps mixed with 'Lone Star'.

    If we ever meet I'll try and sing it in Grayven's voice.
     
  20. AidanMorgan

    AidanMorgan Essentially Overworked

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    Apropos of absolutely nothing I'm messing around with what little German I remember and I'm mad I can't finish the Red Lantern oath and stay in meter.

    It starts off so cool too! I'm upset.

    Mit Blut und Wut von Purpurrot
    Aus einer fichen Leiche gerissen.
    Zusammen mit unserem Hass
    Du wirst brennen,


    And then the meter breaks down entirely, and God forbid anything even close fit into a rhyme scheme.

    If anyone has something that's one syllable and might fit at the end of this, I would appreciate it. I know I need to use "es ist dein [blank]" and I'm almost out of syllables. This is worse than haiku.
     
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2020
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  21. dogbertcarroll

    dogbertcarroll Random lurker

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    Pinkie's clones weren't blank slates, they simply got names mixed up, and being imperfect reflections that is to be expected.
     
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  22. Ngamer11

    Ngamer11 Experienced.

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    I wonder if the Friendship is Magic beam affected Grayven's normal physical form as well? Both Grayven and Party Popper commented on his changed appearance. It would be interesting if he got his original ring-enhanced form, like when he first optimized himself, plus New God powers.
     
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  23. SebazuD

    SebazuD Experienced.

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    No, the first clone gets the name mixed up because Pinkie only told her the names of her friends once on the way out of the cave.
    Then she actually took the time to teach all the other clones the names of all her friends, but with pictures.

    So yeah, when they come out of the pond they only yell about "Fun", probably because they are shallow reflections, and that's the most shallow way of seeing Pinkie.
     
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  24. skyprinny

    skyprinny Not too sore, are you?

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    I got a kinda slow talk/singing vibe with most of the song with the chorus feeling actual singy (perhaps with backupsingers)
    loved the entire thing though
     
  25. Stsword

    Stsword Versed in the lewd.

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    Or in my preferred explanation.

    Party Popper, as a magical duplicate of Pinky, is also a Fourth Wall observer and simply watched the show to catch up.

    One of the Pinky duplicates transformed into a G3 Pinky Pie after all. [​IMG]

    Coincidence? I think not! :)
     
  26. AidanMorgan

    AidanMorgan Essentially Overworked

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    How do I delete someone else's image? That's just disturbing.
     
  27. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    I can't help but wonder if the reason why Equestrian ponies look the way they do is that they grew up in Discord's old kingdom ie chaos magic central. Do ponies in other parts of the world still look like regular ponies?
     
  28. SebazuD

    SebazuD Experienced.

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    Saddle Arabian horses.
    [​IMG]
     
  29. AidanMorgan

    AidanMorgan Essentially Overworked

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    That pun hurts me on the inside.
     
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  30. Navi-Hank

    Navi-Hank An engine fuled by spite

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    It's the groin
     
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