1. For prospective new members, a word of warning: don't use common names like Dennis, Simon, or Kenny if you decide to create an account. Spammers have used them all before you and gotten those names flagged in the anti-spam databases. Your account registration will be rejected because of it.
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Since it has happened MULTIPLE times now, I want to be very clear about this. You do not get to abandon an account and create a new one. You do not get to pass an account to someone else and create a new one. If you do so anyway, you will be banned for creating sockpuppets.
    Dismiss Notice
  3. If you wish to change your username, please ask via conversation to tehelgee instead of asking via my profile. I'd like to not clutter it up with such requests.
    Dismiss Notice
  4. Due to the actions of particularly persistent spammers and trolls, we will be banning disposable email addresses from today onward.
    Dismiss Notice
  5. Welcome back to QQ. The search function will be unavailable for some hours until the index has been rebuilt.
    Dismiss Notice

With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

Loading...
  1. DrThoth

    DrThoth Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2016
    Messages:
    325
    Likes Received:
    1,162
    Actually, shouldn't the Witch Hunters have shown up in the Renegade timeline to hunt Klarion down as well? Or was it more clear that he died there because his Chaos energy was just absent instead of being rerouted into someone like in the Paragon timeline?
     
    Gilhelmi and Darko like this.
  2. Darko

    Darko Experienced.

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2019
    Messages:
    3,780
    Likes Received:
    16,101
    They may have come to hunt him down but discovered that he already died, probably by seeing it on a TV or asking someone about it, and just waited until they could go back home.

    If they didn't try to contact the renegade then chances are low that he would have met them.
     
    Cuchulin, Gilhelmi and Ardy like this.
  3. Vaermina

    Vaermina Versed in the lewd.

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2015
    Messages:
    1,802
    Likes Received:
    4,450
    It's important because there is a True Prophecy...
     
  4. Darko

    Darko Experienced.

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2019
    Messages:
    3,780
    Likes Received:
    16,101
    Zoat can't read your comments.

    You... do realized that, right?
     
  5. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2016
    Messages:
    7,279
    Likes Received:
    264,169
    Whose comments?
    If they did, there's no obvious reason for the Renegade to know about it.
     
  6. Darko

    Darko Experienced.

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2019
    Messages:
    3,780
    Likes Received:
    16,101
    Vaermina.

    From what I know you blocked him.
     
    Prince Charon and Cuchulin like this.
  7. LurkingInTheDeceit

    LurkingInTheDeceit “Brave” explorer treading “New” land

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2019
    Messages:
    2,428
    Likes Received:
    7,232
    Zoat did block them, pretty sure it was a rhetorical question (like “Did you hear something?” when you’re ignoring someone talking).
     
  8. Stsword

    Stsword I trust you know where the happy button is?

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2017
    Messages:
    767
    Likes Received:
    4,237
    The Sheeda didn't target individuals to stop their prophesied defeat, they targeted groups of seven.

    It's implied that the newsboy army, consisting of a dog and six newsies could have defeated the Sheeda invasion if they hadn't left the dog behind.

    Since the threat level of six prepubescent newspaper slingers and a dog and seven actual superheroes is (usually) quite large.......
     
  9. Gilhelmi

    Gilhelmi Know what you're doing yet?

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2019
    Messages:
    186
    Likes Received:
    516
    OK, I have a dangerous question.

    In Paragon OL timeline, are the Sheeda invading Earth but they don't know it because they are in the alternate dimension where Columbia is? Because, in Graveyn's timeline, they invaded after the point where Paul and the members of that team went to Columbia.

    I am just wondering if there is already a ticking clock in Paul's timeline and the Earth is currently under attack.
     
  10. nogoodnames

    nogoodnames Getting some practice in, huh?

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2020
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    29
    My only issue with this chapter is after using such a big yellow light attack and walking casually into an enemy's castle, didn't elicit any sarcastic responses from Sinestro.
    Otherwise great performance by Grayven. I hope we get some good unusual solutions to the Sheeda instead of just Righteous Punching
     
    Cuchulin, Ardy, Ngamer11 and 3 others like this.
  11. Moderation: Rule 1 Warning
    TotalAbsolutism

    TotalAbsolutism Magnificent Bastard Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2014
    Messages:
    3,237
    Likes Received:
    28,472
    Threadban, three days. You were warned.
     
  12. quietwhile

    quietwhile Your first time is always over so quickly, isn't it?

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2019
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    6
    Nice entrance from grayven, I'm curious for the next episodes!


    Please consider that while you may think that you are somehow defending other users from his stupidity you're actually giving V. a platform. And unless I'm mistaken when you quote him people that have him blocked will read what he said. I'm a stalker who rarely reads the comment but I'll have you know that Vaemina is one of the few posters I recognize because people are always arguing with him and thus making his remarks reach an wider audience. If you dislike what he says, ignore it.
     
    PJCG likes this.
  13. Threadmarks: Faed Away (supplementary, Renegade option)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2016
    Messages:
    7,279
    Likes Received:
    264,169
    4th May
    20:07 GMT -5


    "So confident."

    "Yeah." I smile, nodding. "Pretty much."

    I look left and then right.

    "These guys are… Veterans, right?"

    "These are High Born. Augmented by Sheeda science and magic to be far greater than any man."

    "But you're the only one with head cancer." I frown. "Might want to get that looked at."

    The right-hand handmaiden hisses, showing off her fangs.



    Can I get homesick for a place I've never lived? Because if they worked a little red or blue into the monochrome colour palette in here this could actually be Apokolips.

    "Derog? Kill this intruder."

    A male Sheeda in armour plucks a spear off the wall and spins-.

    I shoot him in the chest with an energy pulse and he slams backwards into the wall.

    He drops to his feet and smiles. "Foolish, Child of Spring. My armour-"

    I draw my daiklave and generate a fusion cannon construct.

    "-is now impervious to-"

    I fire, and only the photosensitive properties of my goggles allow me to see Derog parry a beam of ultra-hot high pressure ions, in a way which somehow nullified the energy therein completely rather than sending it into one of the neighbouring stations. The goggles also allow me to aim the tip of my daiklave as I make a ring-assisted lunge, shoving the point through his philtrum and into his spine. Then I swing it around to the right in an arc, taking away his body's support and causing it to collapse.

    "That was fun." I turn away from the growing blood-pool-. I shoot Derog in the face until his head is entirely disintegrated because I don't know how well Sheeda aristocrats regenerate. "Might want to consider helmets."

    "You're not wearing one."

    "I'm not seeing anything that's actually a threat to me. You, on the other hand-."

    The amulet splutters and dies.

    Wait…

    Uh.

    "You're not her. You're a body double." I shrug with both arms. "This is what I get for fighting idiots for so long; it confuses me when I run into someone moderately clever. Pretty good effort for someone with no direct exposure to Apokoliptian technology."

    "Kill him."

    Right handmaiden lunges for me with more than human strength and speed. Guess they don't know that much about Apokoliptian technology, then. The challenge is still in effect, and if whoever-that-is on the throne sends people at me without having the other party designate them her champions…

    Fortunately, I have more than human speed too. Sword's out of position but she's not wearing a helmet either. My left fist hits her in the side of the head and sends her flying, though she's tough enough that her skull didn't shatter. In the fraction of a second when she's still in reach she tries to cut my gauntlet with her nails and.. scores a tiny scratch which doesn't penetrate. Not bad for a fingernail.

    "Bored now."

    I raise my fusion cannon and shoot the queen in the exposed midriff. The shot bores right through her and into the throne, and almost immediately her outline changes from demon prostitute to… Humanoid insect thing.

    Meeting a distraction with a distraction. I'll admit to being mildly impressed.

    Wreck the Empty Throne.

    The barrel of my gun widens as the Sheeda form up behind me, swords, spears and shields and I've no doubt that they're all quite good with them. Instead of fighting them I fire again, the left handmaiden diving aside as the throne and the wall behind it are annihilated.

    And then I run through the hole, leaving the command crew behind.

    "Mother Box, get me a location for Sivana."

    "Ping."

    Because now the command crew have to choose between doing their jobs-

    An arrow plinks off my back plate.

    -and pursuing someone who has demonstrated the ability to kill them.

    "Ping."

    "Are you sure, because-?"

    "Ping!"

    "Okay, no need to take that tone! Boom tube."

    "Ping."

    Fine. Angle?

    "Ping."

    I point my fusion cannon just a little to the left of the focus of the ship's temporal manipulation effect and fire a wide beam, carving a line through the ship's internal structure. Then I fly, trusting my armour to keep the heat and poisons off me. Flying out-.

    There's a green bubbling pit surrounded by some sort of ritual space. A heavily bleeding Thaddeus Sivana shoots the Queen though the head with.. a gun that hurts my eyes to look at. She's-. Why are there arrows-?

    Sivana shoots her through the heart, collapses, then props himself up just enough to shoot her through the neck, fully severing her head.

    Artemis drops down from a crenellation. "I was going to take her alive!"

    "And I wanted her dead, so I killed her."

    I frown at her. "Artemis, what are you-?"

    She glances at me, frustration evident though her mask. "Mister Miracle found a back door."

    Someone else who decided to ignore my advice. "Right. I don't know…" Sivana pulls a device out of his coat and draws a rune on the floor in his own blood. "Doctor?"

    "This is the centre of their time drive. The green substance is literally trans-temporal."

    "Okay, yes, good-."

    His device glows.

    "I'm going to use it to erase the ship from the present. If I'm very lucky, I'll wind back what they did on Venus-." He coughs up some blood. "But I doubt it."

    "Is there a reason why you're rushing this? If we capture the ship-."

    "You're going to prevent them from ever being. I can't take the risk of this ship disappearing on us. I think I should be… Sorry, but I barely care about myself at the moment and I certainly don't care about you."

    "Artemis to team, get out of here!"

    Sivana smiles peacefully. "Two…"

    I step forward grab Artemis and fly at-

    "One…"

    -the pool!

    "Goodby-."
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2020
  14. thebishop8

    thebishop8 Umm, ackchyually...

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2019
    Messages:
    284
    Likes Received:
    1,561
    Should "thought" be "through"?
     
  15. DonLyn

    DonLyn Your first time is always over so quickly, isn't it?

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2017
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    98
    I wonder if Grayven is going to be erased from the timeline and all story posts mentioning him erased from the forum.

    That seems like a very Zoat thing to do.
     
  16. FreeGod

    FreeGod If you see a God on the road fuck it!

    Joined:
    May 26, 2016
    Messages:
    7,247
    Likes Received:
    7,424
    Seems like way too much work. To destroy alot of work.
     
    Jaron, OrigamiPhoenix, Darko and 12 others like this.
  17. Vaermina

    Vaermina Versed in the lewd.

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2015
    Messages:
    1,802
    Likes Received:
    4,450
    Except the Sheeda had a Father Box for hundreds, possibly thousands, of years.

    Your ray gun isn't a thing that can actually kill her.

    So no you didn't.

    Sorry, while that might normally work, Paul fucked up the way time works so now it won't.
     
  18. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2016
    Messages:
    7,279
    Likes Received:
    264,169
    Thank you, corrected.
     
    Bramble Thorn, Darko, Relyt33 and 2 others like this.
  19. Mquz

    Mquz Versed in the lewd.

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,877
    Likes Received:
    6,058
    Waaaait a minute... what if this is the Sivanas that OL knows?
     
  20. Prince Charon

    Prince Charon Just zis guy, you know?

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2014
    Messages:
    6,573
    Likes Received:
    21,548
    Well, OK. That's a pretty serious demonstration of Love, right there. Venus would be impressed.
     
  21. Vaermina

    Vaermina Versed in the lewd.

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2015
    Messages:
    1,802
    Likes Received:
    4,450
    Funny and sad thing? He doesn't have to do this.

    With a working time machine he could just chrono trigger shit and bring them to the present alive.
     
  22. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker, Rookie Proofreader

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2019
    Messages:
    791
    Likes Received:
    12,097
    Well, not laughing in his face, but she seems unconcerned. This is going to be messy.

    Ha, applying Warhammer 40,000 logic, eh? Even pretty close in terms of Dark Eldar units: Trueborn, who basically are elite warriors.

    So, she does have the head tentacles. Good to know, if a little disturbing.

    Amusing. I doubt they'd appreciate the comparison. though.

    Not so fast, knife-ears. Critical mistake, not having a weapon in hand already.

    -Isn't as invulnerable as you think it is, pretty-boy. Watch and learn.

    While I know it's not what it's meant to look like, I can't help but see Megatron about to smack down Starscream once again...

    Guess it only protects against one thing at a time, huh? Bit of an oversight, but handy for you.

    He's tough enough to not need it against trash like you, Queenie.

    I do hope that wasn't a protective charm... Otherwise he's now wide open...

    Heh. caught off guard by an enemy being genre-savvy. No doubt the Queen is hidden away in a well-protected bunker deeper within the Castle. Time to go a-roaming, then.

    A Champion might be capable of harming him in this state. A mere Minion? a Peon, worthless trash to be thrown into a meatgrinder? Like rain against his face.

    Probably good she didn't hit skin. I doubt her nail polish is anything pleasant.

    Assuming she actually realised it was a distraction. Now... Where's Sivana?

    That'll leave him with a nice boost to his Godly nature for a while. Time to go door-knocking.

    No doubt the good Doctor has located the real Queen? I presume that's what they were planning.

    And their fear of their Queen's displeasure...

    Looks like they fear her more than they do you. Pity there's no time to teach them otherwise.

    Now, now, Grayven. You've worked with her long enough to trust her judgement, surely?

    I see she set him straight. And no need for subtlety now, either.

    Shielded against Boom and Hush Tube formation? That'll be learned from that Father Box Vaermina mentioned, eh?

    Ah, the Takamichi Nanoha method of navigating a large ship. Find the target, then drill.

    "Decapitation!" Probably not enough to be permanent, unless his gun is is as very, very nasty as its description implies.

    Besides, I doubt a few pointy sticks were going to bother her much, even with a New God shooting them.

    I assume Grayven suggested they leave this to him, and they promptly went 'lulsno, facepunching time!'

    Timey-wimey stuff, eh? It sure looks pretty wibbly-wobbly.:V

    Doctor, care to explain for those in the audience who aren't multi-disciplinary polymaths with a dozen degrees?

    Maybe because he appears to have a fatal wound? Okay, sure, you could patch him up, but I don't think he cares.

    Because of course the other kids are here. Why wouldn't you send sidekicks into the flying palace of the murder-sadist future elves? Even after one of your allies says he's got this.:rolleyes:

    What's your exit strategy, Grayven? Because shit is about to get trippy.

    Huh. Now, where will they end up? The future of the Sheeda, Earth-16R? The past? another timeline?

    Huh. Well, I assume this will at least stop the Harrowing here in this timeline. With any luck, it'll render this period off-limits to the Sheeda. So... Mission accomplished? Besides the whole 'possibly lost in time' thing Grayven and Artemis are about to go through.

    The shot bores right through her...

    Godspeech:
     
  23. Vaermina

    Vaermina Versed in the lewd.

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2015
    Messages:
    1,802
    Likes Received:
    4,450
    Unfortunately short of Dues Ex Machina it won't.

    The Queen and Melmoth are still alive, and either one of them can just rebuild the time machine.
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2020
    ArKFallen and Chojin Patriarch like this.
  24. Stsword

    Stsword I trust you know where the happy button is?

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2017
    Messages:
    767
    Likes Received:
    4,237
    While someone superstrong having superspeed makes sense, muscle power being a factor in speed, Elephants have been known to hit 25 mph/40 kph for example, I don't remember Gravy demonstrating superspeed without taking a dose of Garrick before.
     
  25. Vaermina

    Vaermina Versed in the lewd.

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2015
    Messages:
    1,802
    Likes Received:
    4,450
    Something else to keep in mind, this isn't Independence Day.

    Taking out the mothership won't cause the harvesters to crash into the ground powerless. They will just keep on harvesting till they're destroyed, and without Sivana and Grayven around, it's going to be left to the League to save the world.

    And they won't be able to in time to prevent catastrophic damage from happening to most other countries.
     
    FourthPear and FeepingCreature like this.
  26. Z3r0Sama

    Z3r0Sama Making the rounds.

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2019
    Messages:
    49
    Likes Received:
    284
    Get rid of the Paul tl because its baf, haven't read it since, I want to say that one with the angels, but I'm sure I've accidentallyed a chapter or two since then.
     
  27. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare I trust you know where the happy button is?

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2019
    Messages:
    649
    Likes Received:
    5,808
    Wait, Thaddeus? I thought Magnificus was the sole survivor?

    Also, Artemis, honey...? Stop being a dumbass and kill the fucking supersoldier magic queen!
     
  28. Ngamer11

    Ngamer11 I trust you know where the happy button is?

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2019
    Messages:
    690
    Likes Received:
    3,050
    Magnificus was the sole survivor among Dr. Thaddeus Sivana's family. Dr. Thaddeus Sivana himself wasn't there and only came after the Sheeda killed most of his family.
     
  29. transhumansage

    transhumansage Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2016
    Messages:
    440
    Likes Received:
    1,016
    actually an emotional desperate and obsessive super mad scientist willing to do anything, can do what is thought to be impossible, so this trope is appropriate. so yeah sivana probably killed the bitch.
     
  30. Vaermina

    Vaermina Versed in the lewd.

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2015
    Messages:
    1,802
    Likes Received:
    4,450
    It's not thought to be impossible, it is impossible.

    She can only be killed by the sword Excalibur, and that gun isn't it.
     
    Cuchulin likes this.
Loading...