Your Everything Disgusts Me (DC/SI)

You will suffice.​

My first thought was pain. Which was not precisely accurate. Rather; my first thought was of the pain. It was there, but disconnected. I knew I was feeling pain but it didn’t fully register as… well, painful. Certainly I could still feel it rather keenly but it wasn't unpleasant in any way save that I was noticeably aware of the sensation.

Correct. You have Contempt for pain. Your ability to be inconvenienced by it has been removed.

Ah. Well, that was good. Which begged two questions; how was that, and who was talking to me? I opened my eyes and was immediately blinded by the light of the sun. More unpain as my damaged retinas were constructed and reinforced. Pain. There was still that. I looked down at my body and found that I was completely naked, yet covered in strange apparatuses.

What. The. Fuck.

You have Contempt for your physical form and it is currently undergoing destruction.

Destruction, oh, was that all. Well, what a fucking wonderful turn of eve-

Rage detected. This ring requires Contempt to function.

… wait, ring? I pulled my hand in front of my face as best I could with all of the weirdly coloured things burrowing through my flesh and stared blankly at the ugly-coloured band around my middle finger. Well, if that wasn’t the most appropriate thing ever I have no idea what is.

Ring, cease all destructive activities.

It shall be done.

And show me myself.

I quickly regretted that. It generated some sort of construct that hijacked my optic nerves and showed me in the third person from a number of angles. To an outside observer they’d think I had just been tortured. The damn thing had flayed me alive. It still hurt… sort of. The sensation was impossible to properly describe.

Just what the hell were you doing?

In accordance with protocol this terminal was restoring this user to the correct physical state through destruction of Contemptible physical defects. You have great Contempt for the majority of your physical form but also Contempt for any process that does not involve you retaining continuity of consciousness. This terminal was attempting gradual conversion of your body to a state you would find the least Contemptible.

Ugh. We’d… look at that later. Restore me.

This terminal is incapable of doing so.

Say what? I tried to wrack my brain for all the details I could recall about how Power Rings worked and then, quite suddenly, froze in place. What was I doing? I was in space, in an asteroid belt by the looks of things, naked, with my flesh flayed to the bone in some locations, with an unidentifiable colour of power ring. Why wasn’t I panicking?

You have Contempt for the notion of panicking in this situation. Your Contemptible emotions are being suppressed by this terminal.

Ah. Easy solution, then. Ring; on my ‘go’ you will cease maintaining emotional stability and only restore normal functions once my mood has reached a modicum of stability on its own. Maintain my position and physical wellbeing only during this period. Ignore any orders I give you until emotional stability returns.

It shall be done.

Go.

There are no words for what I felt. If the pain hadn’t been suppressed I would have very likely gone insane. Even then, it’s likely that I spent hours in that state while the Ring decided to resume its ‘destruction’ of my ‘Contemptible physical aspects’. By the time I had finally finally recovered from the overwhelming deluge of panic, hatred, homesickness and self-loathing that had hit me the Ring had finished its work.

Even though it had re-stabilized me again I still felt… wrong. Ring, status report.

Destruction of Contemptible physical aspects are completed. Agent Puce is now immortal. This terminal’s charge is at ninety-nine percent.

There were so many ‘whats’ in there I barely knew where to begin. Let’s go with ‘immortal’, first off.

In this case, immortality is defined as total immunity to further physical degradation. The Agent’s lifespan is now functionally infinite; albeit dependant on possession of this terminal for maintenance of sanity beyond the lifespan of the Agent’s species.

I see. That was… a thing. I’d likely need another ‘little moment’ to work through my feelings on that. As it stood all I really felt was a noticeable lack of self-loathing. It was… odd. Nice, but odd. Very well; let’s go with ‘Agent’ next.

User is designated ‘Agent Puce’, likely to be of the ‘Puce Lantern Corps’. Scans detect no other sources of Puce Light in this sector. This terminal is in possession of the Puce Central Power Battery. Conclusion; current owner is primary, and sole, user of the Puce Light and is thus designated Agent Puce.

Okay. First, we’re not calling it that. Secondly, we’re not calling me that. Stop using that word. It just sounds wrong.

It shall be done.

Thirdly, and I’m no expert, but I’m reasonably sure that whatever happened just now should have drained more than one percent ring power. Explain.

This terminal is powered by the Puce Light of Contempt. Construct power and energy efficiency are dependent on the magnitude of Contempt. Before Contemptible physical aspects of the Agent were destroyed this terminal registered no greater source of Contempt than that which the user felt towards their own flesh.

… ah.

Yes, that would do it, wouldn’t it. Sad thing was that the damn ring was right, wasn’t it. Okay. I focused and tried to turn myself around. No, of course that wouldn’t work. Couldn’t want it, couldn’t will it. Rather, I had to feel contempt for the current state of affairs. And… we had flight control.

Ring, where am I?

Unknown.

Ring, how did I get here?

This terminal is uncertain of the specifics. A Bleed-Fracture based weapons system was used on this terminal’s original resting place. Automatic search functions were activated. You were selected and acquired during the transit to this universe. Designation is unclear. Location is unclear. Star systems do not match any databases this terminal has access to.

How many databases do you have access to?

This terminal has access to two primary databases; a full registry of planets and the inhabitants thereof within this terminal’s original universe, and a substantive database of technologies potentially useable for the purpose of augmenting this terminal’s user.

An odd combination. Why not useful technologies, tools for uplifting planets?

This terminal is powered by Contempt. Rarely is any Contempt greater than that a mortal creature feels for its own existence.

Not going to debate with it on that point. Don’t even have a reason to, since I basically agree with it. Well, that’s just great. Scan the local area, will you? As passively as possible, don’t want anyone noticing me just yet.

It shall be done.

Information filtered into my brain. Of course it would be. I barely even liked DC; give me Spider-Man any day. But a power ring meant that was where I had to be. Idly, part of me wondered if speculative fiction about my reality existed here. Worth looking into.

Two noticeably inhabited planets; one with a largely subterranean species and one with creatures that looked a lot like how I… used to look. Not sure what I looked like now. Didn’t really want to check just yet.

Ring, plot a course to the third planet. Keep passive scans active; absorb and parse any signals, but don’t alert me to anything unless it’s on an intercept course or actively pinging us.

It shall be done.

I pulled myself into a sitting position as a puce-coloured sphere surrounded me. Time to take stock. Firstly; DC universe. Not a great help, I could barely remember anything about… actually, ring; scan my mind for any and all information about the DC comic, animated and cinematic universes and assemble it into a useable database.

It shall be done.

That’d help; I probably remembered more than I actively knew. Brains were funny like that. Anyway. There were some good universes to be in, some bad ones; that much I could definitely say. I could work with either one. Personally, I was hoping for something akin to the Justice Lords. At least Gods and Monsters. That would work better with my personal paradigms; the latter more than the former, to be fair.

Seemed that flying drained the ring more than reconstructing my body from the ground up. We were doing a sub-light approach, so there was that, and I wasn’t particularly contemptuous of where I had been before. Had to decide what to do first and foremost.

This was going to be tricky. I had to decide what it was that I despised the most about the setting and deal with that before anything else; if the locals turned out to be standard Leaguers then they would restrict me in ways I didn't care to be restricted.

Ring, can you make contact with any of the satellites orbiting the planet?

It can be done.

I don’t want to be ignorant. Download every bit of publically accessible information there is, internally cross-check it and verify it as best you can. Once you know everything about the world and its systems do the same for every other form of digital information you haven’t yet downloaded.

It shall be done.

That would probably take the next few hours or so to finish. Maybe less. I didn’t know a lot about power rings but I did know they were insanely good xenotech hypercomputers. Ring, progress?

Collating public data and fact-checking… it is done. Downloa-it is done. Collati-it is done.

Huh. Finished the secondary download in less time than it took to inform me of it. That was concerning. But also rather nice. Ring, encrypt all of that information. I don’t want anyone that isn’t me accessing those databases regardless of who wears you. Do it however you have to.

It shall be done.

And then I was there. Above the planet. Staring down at the planet. It was so… beautiful. Where should I start? Ring, database. Bring up active villains, sort by contempt, and generate a map showing where they are.

That’s about what I expected.

Show me the heroes next. Ah… now that was a thing of beauty. A true and proper League. Sure, it didn’t work for what I really wanted but… I was kind of okay with that. A world that let me have free reign wouldn’t be very enjoyable.

In the end this, all of this, was what I wanted. What I really, really wanted. Why deny it? Sure, I’d likely get off to a rocky start. But, well… let’s just confirm some of my suspicions. That first one, bring up a list of his crimes in chronolo-... no, actually, in escalation of how I’ll feel about them. Dip me in slowly.

Ah. Well, that wasn't so bad. Kind of stupid, really. Like reading some idiot frat boy's prank journal. But then... then there was the rest of it. The ring seemed to have difficulty decided which would enrage me more. I did, however, reach one particular article and then I just had to stop. A judge had been vocally pushing for potential death sentences in the case of certain serial recidivists. Then, for his niece's seventh birthday party, someone had decided she deserved a visit from a birthday clown. There had been a picture attached; which showed that this damn thing knew just how to motivate me.

All the little bodies laid out on the morgue tables...

I was starting to get the feeling that I knew why this ring had chosen me. Because this was a state of affairs that would not continue for any length of time if I had anything to say about it. Ring, are you capable of FTL travel?

It can be done.

Very good. Let’s do it, then. Plot a course to Arkham Asylum, but do not engage yet. You have the place identified?

It is done.

Response time will be good. Not good enough. When I arrive I want… is the place EMP shielded?

Official plans say no; those liberated from the group you identify as the ‘Justice League’ say yes.

What happens if the power goes out?

Everything is sealed. Escape may be possible for some few inmates but most will be trapped in their cells.

Can we do an EMP burst on transmission?

This ring specializes in the destruction of anything you feel Contempt for. You feel Contempt for the systems of this building; so they can be thus destroyed.

Do it.

I materialize inside the building. The ring knows my intentions as well as I do because it’s put me right in front of the cell I was going for. All the lights go dark within a second of my arrival and the only light that’s left is the dull one that’s being shed from my environmental shield.

“Ooh, would you look at that? Didn’t know you lot came in Brown. And that is a good look on you, I must say!” I turn to face the thing before me. Part of me expected a stronger reaction from this. But, no, there wouldn’t be, would there. This isn’t like the time I read about North Korean Internment Camps, or heard about the latest school shooting.

I don’t hate him. I can just think of no reason for his continued existence. There’s no reason to say anything to him; I just walk over and tear his cell door off; amazed not only at the ease but at the sight of my own, surprisingly tanned arm.

That line of thought ends immediately as the Joker dances happily out of his cell and turns to look at me with that stupid grin still etched on his face. I’ve yet to even say anything to him. I don’t think I want to bother. What words of any substance could possibly pass between us?

“Well now! I didn’t think you’d be a fan, Brownie! Here I was reckoning this was an interrogation, not a brea-” His voice cuts off as I snap a restraint construct around him; binding him in place. I feel nothing for this existence except for absolute Contempt. So I’m going to destroy him utterly.

Actually… ring, take a snapshot of his brain and extract all memories. Gag him properly, too; I don’t want to listen to him squealing.

It is done.

A construct mask appears over his face. Good point, don’t really want him looking at me either. My other request?

It cannot be done.

Why not?

Your Contempt for this being is absolute. You do not wish to allow any remnant of him to persist. Storing a duplicate of his consciousness would go against that wish.

Ugh. Have to frame the thought properly. For as strongly as I feel about the Joker I can’t guess what he might have planned before he was arrested. See if I can focus my feelings here. While I have more Contempt for his person than I have ever felt for anything that wasn’t myself I feel more strongly about the idea that my own stupid emotions would let him get the ‘last laugh’ if I can’t fix what he’s done to people.

… it is done.

Finally. After a moment’s further thought I cut off his pain senses as well; fully, not the phantom function that I have going. This will take a while, and I despise the idea of being needlessly cruel almost as much as I despise every second of this abomination’s continued existence.

The process takes some time, but I’m in no hurry. Better to be thorough about it. At the end I toss what’s left back into the cell and seal the door. After a brief reflection I transmute a straitjacket for him as well.

It cannot be done.

Once again I ask; why not?

This terminal is optimised fo-

Ah. Destruction. Just fetch me one, then. A construct arm stretches out from the ring and through the floor, annihilating the matter it passes through, in order to retrieve one for me. I bind the pathetic lump that used to be the Joker with it and then re-reseal his door.

As I do so something bounces off my environmental shield and then explodes. That would be Batman; and a quick feeling of Contempt for the smokescreen around me blasts it away into nothingness. Ring, charge?

Sixty-one percent.

Plenty. I look up at Batman where he’s perched on the above me and smile faintly.

“Ah, hello. Don’t worry; I’m all done here and, for now, I think I’d like to surrender.”

 

So this is what it felt like to be glared at by Batman.

I’m no fanboy for the guy but I had to admit he was pretty damn good. Just the right balance of judging and malice. It was the kind of glare that would make you want to spill all of your dark little secrets to the guy; assuming you weren’t being mood stabilized by a power ring.

Of course, he was still a pretentious edgelord who thought that dressing up as a bat would somehow make him less incredibly outmatched by everything ever.

I blinked a few times, trying to focus. It felt harder than it had been a few moments ago. I didn't want to antagonize Batman. That would defeat the point of sticking around to make contact. I tried to smile at him, but I’m not sure that helped at all.

“So! Ah, why don’t we go somewhere else? Out here amongst the cells isn’t the best place to chat, after all.” He continues to consider me from his perch. Trying to decide what my deal is? Shouldn’t be so hard. I’ve got the ring, I’ve got the uniform, I’ve got the glow. Even if he doesn’t recognize the colour, or my symbol, that sho-... ah.

At some point in my mental rant I glanced down to check out the symbol on my chest. Which, as it turned out, was not there. Nor was the typical lantern uniform. In point of fact, there wasn’t anything on my person at all apart from the ring; which was surprisingly difficult to see against my now darker skin. Ring?

This terminal is incapable of tra-

Yeah, yeah, transmutation. I really had to wonder what they’d wanted to put into this thing that required them to cut that out. But, I should try and convince the big guy up there that I wasn’t crazy first and foremost. “Ah… yeah, also; don’t suppose there’s any, ah, clothing that could be spared? Kiiiiiinda naked. Just a bit.”

That would be a lot more embarrassing under normal circumstances, I’m sure. Thank you mood stabilizer. Ugh, he was raising a Bat-brow at me up there, wasn’t he? Did drop down, though. Stalked over to the cell, glared in and glared back at me. I gave a little wave.

“Interview room. Now.” Huh. I had half expected to be able to guess where I was from the, uh, ‘voice actor’. As it were. Come to think of it, I hadn’t been able to peg which Joker that had been. Nothing looked cartoonish here; not even in the movie-verse kind of way. It all just seemed a logical translation from the original source into a physical reality.

Still, even if I felt mildly self-conscious I might as well follow him. That proved to be a good idea as, along the way, he stopped at a cupboard that contained spare jumpsuits and tossed one to me. Not really my style, but quickly destroying the orange dye meant that I at least didn’t look like a prisoner. More like a janitor, really.

The interview room wasn’t far. Guess he didn’t want to interrogate me right there in front of the cells. It looked a lot like the one I vaguely remembered from the start of Injustice. Was that where I was? Had I just put a stop to that timeline? Best not to speculate yet.

“Sit down. Stay. Put.” Ah. The door slammed behind me a moment later. No knob or lock visible on the inside. Really… did he think that this would hold me? No, I don’t think so. Batman isn’t an idiot. Let’s see… ring, monitor him.

It shall be done.

Scan the room. Any recording devices?

There are several.

Hm. Can you spoof them?

It can be done.

Do it; then put up a screen of whatever Batman’s doing.

It shall be done.

I pulled up the chair, quite uncomfortable really, and leaned on the table to watch Batman on my screen-construct. At some point I’d need to start practicing making these myself. Assuming I was even capable of it. Actually… hey, ring? Why can you do things like this, but not generate a uniform for me?

This terminal is incomplete.

Really? What are you missing?

Unknown.

Ah. That does make sense. If I get my hands on another ring do you think you can repair the holes in your functionality?

It may be possible.

That works. On-screen, Batman was subduing the few inmates who had been able to break out in the struggle. This was quite good, actually; much like watching the cartoons. I couldn’t deny his talent. However, as I watched, a thought occurred to me. Ring; outline your capabilities for me.

This terminal’s primary purpose is the destruction of that which the user finds Contemptible. There are many methods through which this may be performed.

Yes, I’m aware of that much. It did… things to me. I still don’t know quite what I look like. Can still feel facial hair, and my tattoo is still on my wrist, but my skin is darker and looks just generally more… healthy. Ring; you claim to be incapable of transmutation. How did you do this to me?

Complex constructs were utilized to manipulate your biology.

Why can’t you do the same thing for anything else? You’re capable of manipulating a massive range of energy, surely, so why not use constructs to transmute the things I need?

This terminal possessed the database necessary for biological manipulation. Baseline programming does not account for manipulation according to local chemistry or physics.

Hm. Start building a specific database for it from what I had you download earlier. We’ll practice later. Maybe I can MacGuyver some of your missing functionality out of you.

It shall be done.

Ah, excellent. I can see Batman’s done. That was speedy. Arkham’s security mustn’t be quite so terrible as it’s always portrayed. Oh, and the lights are back on. Funny; I barely noticed the darkness. Whatever the ring did to me seemed to mean I was perfectly capable of seeing by no more light than the dull, reddish-brown of my environmental shield.

My pros; the ring could kill, if I had to. In fact, it could do so very well. Its basic programming and sensory suite were still intact and so I was still capable of digital warfare. Plus a full biological modification database… but that mostly focused on killing things, it seemed. Every race the creator of this ring had ever encountered and all of their weaknesses laid bare… along with suggestions on how to correct them.

I couldn’t decide if the person who made this ring was a transhumanist, a sociopath, or both. Probably both. My cons were obvious; constructs based on the strength of my contempt. That would make shielding tricky. If I didn’t strongly believe in the worthlessness of the attack then I’d have a hard time blocking it. Which meant that while I could effortlessly hold off anything in the arsenal of, say, Green Arrow I’d probably have a much harder time fighting another Lantern.

Primary objective, then; ensure the League is not a threat. I wasn’t nearly suicidal enough to try and kill them, so that meant convincing them that I was not a threat.

The door opened. Batman came in. No other chair, so he stood opposite me. Glaring at me. I smiled back. Probably didn't help with him not thinking I was insane but he just didn't seem very intimidating. Huh. Oh, wow, he actually could narrow the eyes of that cowl. That? That was super cool.

"Can I get one of those? The cowl, I mean." I think I may have mildly surprised him. His face almost twitched. "Not, like, a bat one. I mean; then I'd be Bat-Puce and that'd be just wrong. One that adjusts to the shape of my face. I think normally the ring would get me one but it's having issues."

Credit where credit's due; I couldn't tell if his eyes flickered down to the ring or not. They probably did, but the lenses of his cowl made it impossible to tell. Clever.

"You're a Lantern." Not a question, so don't answer. He was trying to pressure me into rambling about something important as opposed to his cowl, I'm sure. Well, maybe not. Who knew what the Bat was thinking at any given time? Ah, well, I should throw him a bone.

"They do come in other colou-"

"Yellow, Blue, Red, and something with a very similar energy signature in Violet. I'm aware. That is none of the above and doesn't suit the color scheme. I can see three likely options here; first, you're trying to fake a power ring to intimidate people and are very bad at it. Second, you've gotten your hands on the real deal and have somehow broken it. Third, you're in possession of a dangerous and untested piece of super-technology."

Huh. Okay, he was pretty good. The first two were... less than likely. Well, the second was at least. I'm sure there was some idiot somewhere who'd tried to do the former. Probably in Gotham, even; they seemed to have the highest 'suicidal crazy nut' quotient. "What have you done with the Joker?"

Interesting turn of phrase. Does he not know what the man originally looked like in this continuity? It's possible he was never 'Jack Napier', or whatever his name was. Really hope I'm not in the Burton continuity, that would suuuuuck.

"Well, you could say I sent him away. But, really, I did nothing 'with' him. I destroyed him. Utterly." Batman narrows his eyes even further and leans in.

"Explain." Okay, that, uh, that is actually kind of intimidating. Like, I am fully aware on an intellectual level that my environmental shield can allow me to withstand hundreds of atmospheres of pressure; thus, Batman has literally nothing on him that can reliably hurt me.

Thing is... I'm not so sure that he believes that. Which, uh, when it comes to Batman is seriously concerning. I know for a fact he's smarter than me. So maybe, just maybe, I won't push at him.

"I removed everything that made him the Joker. My constructs restored his hair, skin and eyes, redacted his brain structure to a normal human state, and generally undid all the damage done to him over the years." Ah! That gets a reaction out of him. His eyes actually widen for about half a second.

"You healed him." I shake my head.

"No." My ring hand goes up. "Far as I know, only Blues can do that. This thing just destroys. I didn't heal him back into the man he once was, I destroyed the man he'd become. You might not see the difference, but it's definitely there." Although if anyone would grasp the concept it would be him.

"Why?" His priorities interested me. I understood them, of course, but I still found them curious.

"Because while his continued existence served no purpose whatsoever I still find the idea of killing a sapient creature contemptible when I have an equally valid solution available to me." Batman nods. I think he might be... not impressed, but at least taking my words at face value for now.

Warning, Will detected.

Ah. That would be why. The door opens and a Green Lantern floats in. Oh, hey, it's the black one! Wossname. First Lantern I knew existed, from the old Justice League Unlimited cartoons. Good times. Still, I can't help but wish that I'd... ended up... in... oh, wow.

He's, uh, he's not alone. Sure, he's come in and is giving me a look that isn't quite on Batman's tier but why should I care at all about him when there's that. Batman translated into a real-world look is definitely intimidating, and, uh... Stewart! Lantern Stewart's aura just reminds me of Rayleigh Scattering.

Wonder Woman, though? Whoo, boy. I was not prepared. She's... I'm not even sure beautiful is the word because she was crafted by a people whose ideal of beauty hasn't changed since Athens and Sparta still had major issues with each other. Stunning is certainly accurate.

Powerful. That's it. Batman is driven, really driven, and he kinda scares me. Stewart... I just vaguely recall that he's an architect and then I think of my goofy best friend back home and I just can't take him seriously. With Wonder Woman I am quite suddenly very aware of the fact that she could put her foot through my chest; probably without slowing down.

So, out of the two entering, she's the one I bow my head to in a respectful fashion while he is the one I pretend not to notice scanning me from top to bottom.

"He is human, though... I think. Ring's not sure on some of the structures in him." That's Stewart to Batman. Iiiinteresting. Unsurprising, too. Guess the thing had put me back together better than I thought. Ooh, I think Batman had noticed me staring at Wonder Woman. "And that's a power ring all right. Just not one my database is familiar with."

"Far as I'm aware it's the only one that exists. You're looking at Agent Puce, First and Only Lantern of the Puce Lantern Corps! Ugh, need a better name." That got me some interesting looks. Wonder Woman... okay, actually, I needed to correct this. I held up a hand as if I was in class again and then pointed to you.

"Okay, so, I know who Stewart is because he doesn't even wear a tiny mask-"

"Hey!"

"So I don't mind just calling him Lantern Stewart. And as for Batman my money is personally on Lex Luthor-" Someone, who most definitely wasn't Batman, almost had a little snigger at that. "But I'm happy to call him Batman. It just fits him. However! Wonder Woman. I can't keep calling you that. Would you mind if I use your first name, or would you prefer Princess?" She gives me an odd look that mostly just makes me feel a bit weak in the knees for not being quite as polite as perhaps I should have been.

"Very well. You may refer to me as Diana... if you answer our queries." I shrug. No big there. Not like I was planning to not answer their queries... just, perhaps, not entirely honestly. I would hope they don't use her lasso on me but I know they will. "You must understand we are in a difficult position; you have come here and done some very antagonistic things. We must be sure you are not intending to cause harm to the people of this world."

See, this is why I like her more than the rest. Batman's fucking nuts, Superman is dull, Flash is lazy, and the Martian Manhunter is amazingly bland for such an interesting character. And then she holds up the damn shiny rope on her belt. Yeah, I expected that. "In order to quickly determine your innocence in as un-invasive a fashion as possible, I should like to use this on you. It will compel the truth, whole and unvarnished."

She can see me hesitate. They all can. I can remember a Ricky Gervais movie I always had a soft spot for, wherein humanity had never evolved the ability to lie. But, more than that, the mere concept of withholding the truth had never come into being. Every was completely honest about what they were thinking of one another, all the time, and it was... unpleasant.

"... I would like something from you in return, but I hope that it's not a huge condition considering it's just a matter of courtesy. Your word that you shall not ask me anything personal while I'm under the influence of that, nor will you allow anyone else to do so. I'm happy to answer whatever questions you have about Joker, my powers, whatever. I'd just rather not spill my personal history without any control over what I'm saying."

For some bizarre reason she seems pleased by that request, and looks to Batman. He inclines his head, and not in a particularly grudging fashion either. Huh. Maybe I've ended up in a DC universe with actually reasonable Leaguers? That'd be kinda neat, actually.

"Very well! in the name of Dikē I swear to do as you have asked." Huh. Don't know that god. Minor deity? Probably agreements or justice or something like that. Nice to know she respects the entire pantheon. If that's the case, I nod and wait for the lasso.

She doesn't make to bind me with it, just puts it around my chest. I look up at her and wait for the questions. Fuck, she looks weird. Everything is just out of proportion for a modern person. Guess that's what you get when a bunch of backwards idiots put together their perfect champion based on standards several thousands of years out of date.

"What did you do to the Joker?" I turn to face Batman with incredulity all over my face. Seriously, he's asking me that again? Guess dressing up like a flying rodent doesn't actually mean you're all that smart. What a jackass.

"Did you ignore me before, or are those ears just for show? I did what you were too chickenshit to do and took him the fuck out! Everything that was the Joker I destroyed. I burned those stupid chemicals out of his skin and hair, I altered his bone structure, I annihilated his aberrant brain structures and, in doing so, I removed all that made the Joker into himself from this world."

Ah, fantastic, I can talk for much longer before I need to take a breath now! I stand up, lasso still draped over me, and lean right into Batman's personal space like he did mine. "And I wouldn't have had to if you weren't too much of a worthless fucking pussy to slip some fucking Strychnine into his food. I know you have some!"

"Why did you do it?" Wonder-Tits tries to get me off the Bat by distracting me with another question, because of course I'm compelled to answer her stupid questions. This is obviously a comic universe because her brains must be inversely proportional to the size of her inflated chest.

"Why? Why! You have to ask me that! Shit, isn't it obvious you incredible fucking whore? Because the Joker was as much of a monster as anything in this world and you of all people should have put a sword through his head years ago!" I turn away from her and back to Batman.

"Do you have any idea of the number of lives that would have been saved if you'd just manned up and done away with the clown after the first time he broke out? Do you have ANY comprehension of the SHEER NUMBER of lives that you and yours have RUINED with your inaction! NO! It goes BEYOND that! NONE OF YOU UNDERSTAND THE SHEER DAMAGE THAT YOUR LEAGUE OF SO-CALLED JUSTICE CAUSES JUST BY ITS VERY EXISTENCE! NOT A ONE OF YOU WILL EVER FACE THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE DEVASTATION YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CAUSED, THE LIVES DESTROYED, THE LIVELIHOODS RUINED BY INCHES WITH YOUR EVERY SINGLE CHOICE! IF I HAD MY SAY THE LOT OF YOU WOULD BE TOSSED INTO THE HEART OF THE NEAREST STAR SO THAT THIS WORLD WOULD NEVER AGAIN HAVE TO SUFFER FOR YOUR GROSS INABILITY TO CONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES OF WHAT YOU D-"

I slam my head into the table, face-first, and as I reel back from the phantom pain I jerk the ring off my finger and slam it down on the table. That... that was not pleasant. Felt like... well, I would be the first to admit that the ring chose me for a damn good reason; that being I have quite a lot of contempt for quite a lot of things.

This was... it was like the introspective properties of the lasso interacted poorly with the ring's innate magnification of that contempt. Puce, I'd have to guess, was somewhere close to Red and Purple, or Indigo or Violet or whatever you want to call it, in terms of mental instability.

Two of the three Leaguers in the room are staring at me; the third is still Batman. Diana removes the lasso from me with a sombre expression and I nod thankfully to her. It takes me a few moments to catch my breath, upgraded body or no.

"I... um... sorry. Ring's powered by contempt. Tends to, um... magnify." I've got nothing else to say in my defence for that outburst, except to glare at my ring. Did it know what was going on? I've always been unsure of how intelligent they are. "Ring, can you hear me?"

"It is so."

The voice is audible for everyone, and rather unpleasant. It sounds a lot like me; only much, much more sarcastic. Which is a feat, considering my teachers used to have difficulty differentiating between my 'sincere' voice and my 'sarcastic' voice. Maybe it's patterned its speech off mine due to lacking a proper database for English. I shake my head, and keep glaring at it.

"Don't do that again. Next time I'm getting into a... a state like that I want you to remove yourself unless doing so will kill me. Understand?" It sits there, somehow managing to look almost sheepish. Neat trick for an inanimate object.

"It shall be done."

"Right." I look up at Batman and wave at the ring. "Can you... can you hold on to that for me? Just while we're still, um... talking. Just don't touch it." He's already got a little box and a pair of tongs in hand and is scooping the ring into it.

"I think I can do that. Why don't we handle the rest of this interview somewhere more pleasant than an Arkham interrogation room?" I nod, gratitude overwhelming me. That would be nice. This place is already starting to feel oppressive. Lantern Stewart gets the door and we all go out, Batman taking up the rear.

Not sure where they'll take me, but it has to be more pleasant than where we are now.