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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. Vaermina

    Vaermina Well worn.

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    Again, universal force of Honesty.

    Hiding part of the truth isn't being honest.
     
    DAT_NOOB likes this.
  2. DAT_NOOB

    DAT_NOOB Accused of writing in a far away land

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    It might be the Truth but it isn't Honest
    He isn't hiding part of the Truth he is Grayven but he is was first paul therefore when he says "I am Grayven" it's true but dishonest when he says "I am Paul" it's false but Honest
     
    Cuchulin likes this.
  3. Frank Iannetta

    Frank Iannetta Getting out there.

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    It would be interesting if the anti-ponies attack Grayven and begin to pull him under, making him relive the first time the ALE fragment overwhelmed him. He then honestly admits to being afraid of losing his daughter, his friends, everything he has worked towards, which gives him the final piece he needs for Harmony. Luna, upon seeing the Tantabus-ALE, finally becomes angry that she will lose all she has gained since her return, and gets her final piece. Then...they get to eat some nice apples.
     
  4. moralrelativity

    moralrelativity Recovering pendant.

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    I like this scenario, but I fear we'll get something much bleaker.
     
    Jormuungaand likes this.
  5. Threadmarks: Equestrian Girls (part 19)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    I feel insufficiently levelled
    for this boss encounter


    "Deluded villain, that will not work! You have not the spark! None of you represent the perversion of friendship itself!"

    Except… That the belief that any interaction with others results in pain for all involved isn't a terrible description of-.

    The beams of light I once hoped would have purged me leap from the five Bearers and meet in the air above us. The beams are weak and wavering, but I-.

    I can feel it.

    "They're going to break it out of the maze, and it's going to be their sixth."

    "Can we stop it?"

    I look at her, as the sphere of darkness the Bearers are generating grows larger.

    "Luna, all joking aside… I am the Apokoliptian New God of Conquest. Nothing offends me more than inefficient government. If you are concerned about your ability to function in modern Equestria, then I'm happy to help you find a place… To learn whatever skills you need, to help you get whatever knowledge you need."

    "Dost thou believe then that aiding Us will convince Us to permit you to mount Us?"

    "Luna, I'm twice as tall as you. I wouldn't mount you so much as stand over you. But no; it's a special talent thing. I want to help you become a more effective ruler far more than I want to copulate with you."

    "Then… We suppose that having seen the nature of this 'Anti-Life Equation', We can see why thou wert so insistent."

    "Colleagues-with-an-option-on-friendship-later?"

    She smiles very faintly. "As you-"

    The ball of light flows into a near-equine shape. Four legs and a central torso, but the head is a blank cone with a yellow-orangeHole. Around the hole are.. dots of a darker orange, and on its rump is a inky blur of a tail.

    "-say." Her face falls. "It.. is…"

    I nod. "That's just a fragment. Combined with your Tantabus."

    Four of the Bearers slump to the ground, while Forsaken Vanguard slowly forces himself to trudge towards his abominable master.

    "If they could bring it here with five elements, mayhap we could banish it with five?"

    No. No, that won't work. I can't for the life of me work out what she's hiding her anger for, but…

    I'm going to have to-.

    "Life = Pain."

    I'm.. going to have to tell her, to say it, to give myself away.

    I'm… Afraid of doing it. I might have just.. built it up in my mind, and… Realistically there's no way that Darkseid doesn't know already…

    I glance at Luna just as she's glancing at me, and I get a momentary flash of intuition that she's thinking along similar lines.

    "I'm not-." / "We feel-."

    A sound… A moan? A scream? Like.. the end of the universe, like desolation and reality itself falling away. The treasure chamber fails and fades into the black, small spheres of colour shielding the Bearers and floating them into position around the Fragment.

    And then it look at us, sees everything that's ever hurt us, thinks of us as receptacles for our pain, then fires the Elements at us.

    The black-tinged rainbow strikes us both, and I feel it as I start to decay, the black burrowing into my skin and psyche.
    There's a weak glow from the gems attached to my armour, but I only have four and that's not enough! I need-!

    "I'm not actually Grayven! Something stopped me being able to use my actual name and I.. didn't worry about it until the Forever People mistook me for someone called Grayven and I played along to try and get access to their technology! I actually-."

    I look down at my body and I'm not.. completely surprised to see that I've regained the form I had when I first arrived on Earth 16. Pyjamas and all.

    "Yes, I looked like this, and everything's rather gotten away from me since. I think I'm coping and I'm sure that Darkseid would have turned his attention to Earth before too long anyway, but I've got no idea whether I'm actually ahead on the deal or not and I'm constantly scared that my worst case scenario is happening all around me and I'm just not seeing it!"

    There's a flash of orange and the oncoming blackness is pushed back a little, but it's still only five to-.

    "Celestia!"

    I look around desperately.

    "Where?!"

    "Before Our banishment-" The strands of black wrap around Luna's neck. "-We desperately resented her greater popularity and her easy way with Our ponies. And when We came back, everything was so strange and she was so.. different, and she fit in and We.. sometimes felt that same anger We did before. And We felt terrible about it but then she returned to her duties and We only saw the only pony We know for a few hours each day and there is no place for Us here! We love her but she makes Us so angry and We feel so guilty because she has done so much to aid Us!"

    There's a red flash as the two-lines-and-a-circle form of the Red Lantern sigil appears on her barding.

    "It's been a thousand years-"

    Whole sections of reality-. No, that's just the black threads covering my eyes. I can't.. see.

    "-and she doesn't understand. If you can't talk to her about it then let me help!"

    Oh.

    A hurricane of light surrounds both of us. My gems of red, pink, purple, orange, blue and green spin around us, the black lines covering our bodies being evaporated and the baleful rainbow from the Anti-Life creature being held at bay. Luna's sigils lift off her peytral and drift forwards, lighting up in turn and then firing, their coloured beams merging just ahead of her and the resulting white beam lancing forward!

    The Anti-Life creature doesn't move as the beam reaches it.

    "Life = Pain."

    It's corny, but… Ah, who am I kidding?

    "Friendship = Magic." / "Friendship = Magic!"

    The beam hits and the Anti-Life creature melts and burns while its five helpers become translucent, spreading out as the stolen thoughts and memories that make them up return to their owners. And with them gone, Luna and I are left alone in the void.

    "Huh."

    "It has been some time since We hath used such a device."

    "I've never used such a device. Did it feel like.. bits of your brain were being hotwired?"

    "We have no idea what that phrase means… But We suspect so."

    "Right." I fly over to her, dropping down so that I can look her directly in the face. Then I wrap my arms around her neck and press the left side of my face against the right side of hers. "Don't you ever make something like that Tantabus again, do you hear me?"

    "We will not. Might We prevail upon you to conduct yourself with greater patience and forbearance in future?"

    "I'll-."

    I was going to say 'I'll see what I can do', but…

    "Yes. I will."

    I pull back, and for the first time in over a year smile with my own face.

    "I'll see you in the morning."
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2020
  6. Silverias

    Silverias Know what you're doing yet?

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    The whole episode for this one fucking line.

    Don't you lie and try to deny it.
     
  7. RichardWhereat

    RichardWhereat Aia airëa Fëanáro.

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    It's so corny, but that was so godsdamned worth it.
     
  8. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Corny beyond belief, but who doesn't love corn.

    Now after what i hope is one alternate chapter we finally get a villain song:D
     
  9. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    It's more of an anti-hero song, really. Those are rarer.
     
  10. desolatedsabers

    desolatedsabers Know what you're doing yet?

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    so less of a "HELLFIRE" and more of an "I AM" song?
     
  11. The Froggy Ninja

    The Froggy Ninja The Blade Will Never Die

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    I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming. I have brought great dishonor upon my family. Very good though. It’s interesting wondering if Friendship=Magic is part of the MLP universe’s own Life Equation or if there’s only one LE and it’s a fragment of the part that is abbreviated to Love=Truth the same way Life=Despair is a fragment of Life=Death. Or I could be talking out my ass.
     
  12. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    I imagine that the music sounds a little like 'Be Our Guest'.

    Also, while I know that 'Hellfire' comes from Hunchback of Notre Dame, I don't know where 'I Am' comes from.
     
  13. Bigking321

    Bigking321 Not too sore, are you?

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    Personally, I enjoyed this a lot and am super excited about what happens next.

    Many places this could go. All of them interesting.

    ...never thought when this story started that there would be actual serious crossover with mlp. How utterly bizarre.

    Well, can't say I'm the least bit unhappy about it. A well written story is a well written story.
     
  14. Silverias

    Silverias Know what you're doing yet?

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    "I am" isn't a song, it's a type. Like the "I want" song. (Like "Go the Distance" from Hercules, or "Part of your world" from little mermaid)

    Think more...personal exposition rather than personal expression.
     
  15. nick012000

    nick012000 Gone for Good

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    I’m guessing that Darkseid is going to notice a fragment of the Anti-Life Equation being destroyed like this. Maybe he’ll just send Steppenwulf or someone on his level rather than coming himself, though, depending on how genre savvy he is.

    Then again, maybe he'll just show up on Grayven's couch again to congratulate him on finding a worthy spouse.
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2020
  16. Redhawk

    Redhawk Getting out there.

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    So Luna is the only one Grayven has told this secret to, right? Not even Jade knew if I recall correctly.
     
  17. The Froggy Ninja

    The Froggy Ninja The Blade Will Never Die

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    I Am Songs are a type of song rather than a specific one. They tend to be about introducing or affirming one’s character and themes. Notable examples include Garnet’s “Stronger Than You”, Genie‘s “Friend Like Me” and, from MLP Pinkie’s “Smile Song”. Many Villain Songs take the form of I Am songs, though some take the form of I Want songs.
     
  18. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    I know, right? It's like seeing the '????' option in an RPG's Arena area, and going "Oh, that sounds cool, let's try it- Oh god What the Fuck Is That! Oh god, it killed the tank in one hit!"

    They're going to invoke the Anti-Life fragment via simple dream logic. Delicious.

    Brave Heart, Paul.

    8-ball says: "Outlook Hazy, Try Again Later."

    Is this really the best time for this? No, wait. Of course it is!

    Huh, that's a hell of an outlook.

    Aw, that's sweet.

    Boss interrupt! Bad form, stepping on a friendship moment!

    Gah. Imagine if it became corporeal...

    That's a desperate reach, Luna, but I don't think Harmony would like that play.

    And out comes the weaponised depression.

    I'm sure He's very amused at the whole circumstance. It's probably proving very informative.

    Looks like they both had the same idea. Last minute reveal of a secret for a last minute reprieve/power-up...

    ...But the bad guy seems to have other ideas.

    Whether it's really the first time he's said it outright or not, this is big. This is as big a status-quo changer as Twilight becoming an Alicorn. Hell, as much as Sunset becoming an alicorn!

    And all because of one bad day at work before he ended up here...

    Wait, what?

    Ha! A natural reaction!

    Hate and Love. Such a fine division between them. Ironically, they're not opposites - that would be Indifference, which would be a part of the Anti-Life.

    She's ready...

    And so is he...

    Oh, my. Weaponised Life.

    And it can't comprehend the threat it's facing. How appropriate.

    Be honest, Mr Zoat, how far in advance did you have this moment planned out?:D Because it is awesome. Corny as hell, but that's entirely in the tone of the series.

    "And why do I suddenly feel the need to inhale the fumes of burning dried leaves from a rolled paper tube?"

    I bet they feel wired as hell right now. All tingly.

    I don't know, that's asking a lot...

    And development! He's too happy for snark right now.

    Hmm... Wonder if he'll begin to shift his appearance at all after this...

    And the big moment is done. A quick palate cleanser of an Alt-Paul, then on to the denouement. Bring on the musical scene!
     
  19. Alasnuyo

    Alasnuyo I am always here

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    Something tells me that this will make Darkseid sit up and notice Wilson, and that's not a good thing for that world at all.
     
  20. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    So is the Anti-life gone or merely contained again?

    Also, the Bearers and Celestia didn't even matter in the end. That is sort of hilarious :D

    LUNA AND GRAYVEN ARE STRONG PONIES WHO NO NEED SOME GOODY TWO-HOOVES!
     
  21. desolatedsabers

    desolatedsabers Know what you're doing yet?

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    I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT REFORMED VILLAIN THAT DON'T NEED NO HENCHMEN!
     
  22. ForeverShogo

    ForeverShogo Not too sore, are you?

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    And now the courtship can truly begin. Interdimensional long-distance relationship? No problem. Celestia pulled off the very same thing with the Sombra of a Mirror Universe.

    Luna can surely accomplish the same.
     
  23. Vaermina

    Vaermina Well worn.

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    And he's finally being Honest.
     
  24. RichardWhereat

    RichardWhereat Aia airëa Fëanáro.

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    Assuming that Darkseid can observe Grayven through the anti-life fragment, what do you think he'd have done back in DC-16 if he found out that 'Grayven' was just a human pretending to be his son?

    Even if he couldn't view that, that's the kind of secret one person keeps, because two people knowing means Darkseid'd eventually find out.
     
  25. desolatedsabers

    desolatedsabers Know what you're doing yet?

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    what makes you think darkseid didn't already know? yes our grayven's metaphysique was the same, but it's still something that wasn't there until just before.
     
  26. Cherico

    Cherico Connoisseur.

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    Theres always the possibility that OL mantled Graven so hard he became him.
     
  27. rkyeun

    rkyeun Cabbitus Maximus

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    I think they can take him.
    Rainbow Dash can outfly the Omega Beams so they turn back and hit Darkseid.
    Pinkie Pie can... just... break reality through sheer stupidity, and shoot him with the Party Cannon.
    Applejack can go one on one with Darkseid physically and buck him up, while tanking anything he dishes out.
    Fluttershy can command the armies of magical animals with esoteric powers such as cockatrices to petrify Darkseid. Or maybe even lock him down with The Stare.
    Rarity can make shields to protect others from Darkseid's attacks, while she breaks out the martial arts moves.
    And Twilight Sparkle is an alicorn. They don't need more help.
    And if that doesn't work, Celestia can hit him with the sun.
     
    Simonbob, Caerwen, Gilhelmi and 9 others like this.
  28. Huttj509

    Huttj509 Getting sticky.

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    Are you doing that on purpose?
     
  29. RichardWhereat

    RichardWhereat Aia airëa Fëanáro.

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    Well, the mantle is conquest, and Paul definitely conquered the identity, so much so that earth 16's Grayven is a pale imitation. He definitely mantled him.
     
  30. Vaermina

    Vaermina Well worn.

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    Darkseid was watching the entire time through Fatherbox so has known from the beginning.



    No... No there isn't... Because that's not actually a thing...
     
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