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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. Coda

    Coda Not too sore, are you?

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    Depends on who you talk to. At least some adherents to the ancient Greek religion believed that the underworld was literally under the world.
     
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  2. Amrynel

    Amrynel Wat.

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    For some reason I can't get the imagery of Grayven!Paul cosplaying as Jack Sparrow out of my head.
     
  3. Gantradies

    Gantradies Know what you're doing yet?

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    "you cheated!"
    *touches nose* "Apokolyptican!"
     
  4. desolatedsabers

    desolatedsabers Getting sticky.

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    "You're the most despicable man i've ever heard of!"
    "But you have heard of me?"

    Captain jack grayven is a fun idea.
     
  5. quietwhile

    quietwhile Your first time is always over so quickly, isn't it?

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    You mean like a lot of christians believe that heaven is both another dimension AND upwards/above the clouds?
     
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  6. Threadmarks: Equestrian Girls (part 18)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Because
    why not


    Fortunately we both have wings, so while the initial surprise results in us dropping quite a way we both unfurl our natural parachutes and by the time we land on solid ground we're both fully under control.

    "Any idea what that was supposed to achieve?"

    "Neigh, we do not." Luna and I look around. "And this room doth not exist in Our Palace."

    Well, I should hope not. It looks like a Dungeon Keeper's treasure vault in here. Piles of coins of various denominations… They look Wilsonian, so I'm going to assume that they're taken from Luna's memories. There are gem stones as well, and decorative ornaments which use them to contrast the colour of the precious metals that make up most of their mass. One or two paintings with regal-looking ponies and griffins and… One of a dragon.

    "This place is a monetarist's nightmare. Why would-?"

    "It is another distraction. We must-."

    "It's home. For now."

    A stallion with a purple pelt and golden mane and tail walks between the piles, smiling as he sees us. His cutie mark is an upended amphora, coins cascading from the opening.

    "Though you're quite right, Prince Grayven. My banker has a fit whenever he sees it."

    "Prince?"

    "That statue earlier? He's the ruler of the planet Apokolips. I'm his son."

    "And he cursed you with-?"

    "It's a gift, including me in his grand project to eliminate selfhood. A rare favour."

    "And you're so ungrateful to him." The stallion shakes his head. "How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is. And you, Luna-."

    "You would name him 'prince' and yet deny Us Our rightful title?"

    "A pity-prize granted you by Princess Celestia. Equestria doesn't really need you, as you know well."

    "Yes. We do. Though that shall not prevent Us from placing Ourself in its service. We shall earn Our place once more."

    I nod approvingly. "Good attitude. I'll help."

    "I can as well."

    "We doubt that."

    "Oh, but I can. You see, each of the five of us want different things, and… Not all of those desires are best fulfilled by working together."

    "Who are you, and what do you want?"

    "Now we're getting somewhere. I'm Spoiled Prince, the most generous of us all. You.. want to get out of here with your minds and souls in one piece and I'm happy to help."

    "We are somewhat sceptical. What are you?"

    "Generosity. More or less. I would happily give away all that I have, and ask nothing in return but to be thought well of. And what I have for you is information."

    "The first of you We encountered. The knight."

    "Forsaken Vanguard. Our Illustrious Overlord told him to go, so he went. That's what he is."

    "He is loyalty, then."

    I snort. "He's mindlessly obedient. That's it, isn't it? You're the Elements with parts missing. Forsaken Vanguard can't… What, can't disobey, can't use his own judgement?"

    "Our Illustrious Overlord doesn't care about us, obviously. It sends us out without much caring if we can do what it wants."

    "Oh, I see. No one who treats those loyal to them that way deserves that loyalty. Having faith in the faithless is inherently self-destructive, which in turn undermines the appeal and value of loyalty."

    "Yes, you see, it's rather sophisticated-."

    "It's irrelevant. Luna, what do you hate?"

    "We have always endeavoured to rise above-."

    "Hehhahhahhahhah!"

    "Oh.. dear."

    Luna turns her head towards the sound. "Who is that?

    "Broken Jester. He can keep laughing through any problem… But I'm not sure that laughter is what you need at the moment."

    I snort. "Fine. You want to survive. What is your offer?"

    "Our Illustrious Overlord won't let Luna leave. It can't; it literally exists to make her miserable. But I can. If you let me I can trot out of here into the dreams of another. I can alert whomsoever you wish. And then it would be a simple matter to alert Princess Celestia or have Prince Grayven conveyed to the Tree of Harmony to have any left within him purged."

    "But thou wouldst be safe."

    "Ain't that a gag?!"

    The Broken Jester stumbles into sight. And I do mean 'stumbles'. His legs are badly burned and trembling and he appears to be having trouble moving them properly. Which is the least of his problems. His eyes have been gouged out, and the remains of his eyes are smeared around their orbits. He's also carrying some sort of wound in his abdomen…

    Eyes. And abdomen. And burns.

    "Luna, you're better at dream navigation than me." I scoop up the closest coin and hold it out to her. "What is this connected to?"

    "It is simply-." She blinks. "A.. coin I saw upon one of the stands on the night of my return. It is literally-."

    I scoop up another as Spoiled Prince scowls.

    "And this one?"

    "It was on the top of the coins in the chest given to us by Chief Æthelgriff by means of reparations. And-" She looks aside. "-this was next to it, and this…"

    "Broken Jester is showing some of my more serious injuries. They're taking bits from us to make themselves."

    "If they can do that… Granting him access to other dreams would-."

    "How perceptive! Yes, yes, we'd strip them of every memory until we were strong enough to enter the real world. But oh well. We already have enough from you to-."

    A coin pile to our left explodes as Twisted Caretaker leaps out, dozens of-. Ow, suddenly sharpened metal discs bite into my face and armour.

    "Surprise! We're going to empty everyone out slowly, and I'll hold them and stroke their manes as their minds collapse!"

    Behind us, a pile of coins is shoved aside, the Forsaken Vanguard wading into position with shield and halberd at the ready.

    "I do as I am-"

    The Elements of Harmony.

    "-bid."

    "You're actually compatible with the Elements of Harmony, aren't you? You could make a run at the Tree."

    Another pile slides aside to reveal Yelling Fool.

    "That's what I was told!"

    Spoiled Prince smiles at his fellows.

    "I could hardly deny them their ambition. And don't all ponies want to become more virtuous?"

    "Luna-."

    "In fact…"

    Their eyes light up and rainbow lights dance around them.

    "Didn't you want to be exposed to the Elements?"
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2020
  7. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Not too sore, are you?

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    Uh oh. Nega-Rainbow Lazors.

    Though me thinks the Tree might object to this.
     
  8. Istaran

    Istaran Getting sticky.

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    Well done, Zoat. Up until now I didn't know what to think of the creepy dream ponies and they just sort of quietly were there.. But this.. I've got shivers from the creepfest. Beautifully done.
     
  9. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker, Rookie Proofreader

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    Yeah, kind of expected that. Hard for falling to be a threat to anyone with wings.

    It was a symbolic movement sequence. You were somewhere, now you're somewhere else...

    Huh, someone has odd tastes.

    And another one? What's that make? Six?

    Huh, someone who actually recognises Grayven's title. That's not good.

    "He has strange tastes."

    Well, technically...

    ...Yes. Equestria must have been in a flap about what Kuna's status as Princess meant now. They've been ruled by a single Princess for a millenium. What does a second one mean? Do they rule together? Take turns? Will Luna go somewhere to rule there? I can imagine the concern in the upper nobility.

    Yeah, they don't want whatever help you're offering...

    Fascinating. Almost like a dark mirror of...

    Just as long as he can follow in their wake? How mercenary.

    I see. He values nothing of what he has, so giving it away means nothing to him. What sort of generosity is that?

    Blind loyalty. Unreasoning obedience.

    Much like what Darkseid does with the Lowlies, and even His soldiers.

    It's horrifying, that's what it is...

    Not 'Politely dislike', Luna. Hate with all your being.

    Crud, more of them turning up. That can't be good.

    Again: "What do you want?" I can tell that's going to be a running joke here.

    And running loose about the minds of Equestria. I'd say that'll be a hard 'No'.

    Wait, those injuries...

    He caught it too...

    Yeah, your fortune is stolen, isn't it? No wonder you're so generous, spending other people's money.

    It's all stolen, isn't it? Not the money, the Ponies.

    Yep. None of them can be allowed to leave. They'd destroy the world just because they can.

    And twisted Kindness. She's going to take care of you, all right. Even if she has to hurt you herself...

    And foolish Loyalty.

    Elements twisted into cursed, mad reflections. Truly insidious.

    Honesty. Cruel, unthinking honesty with no concern for the harm it causes.

    But... There's one missing, isn't there?

    Not these elements. I wouldn't be surprised if the Tantaquation is acting as the sixth element.

    Well, done, Mr Zoat. Well done indeed. This turned from a simple vision quest into a twisted battle for the safety of Equestria. It'll be interesting to go back and read the Dark Elements' appearances, with this in mind.
     
  10. Enochi

    Enochi Know what you're doing yet?

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    Well ain't that interesting. Very similar to what RHjunior mentioned in Audience on how his character would deal with the elements by ramping up their virtues into vices.

    Loyalty into Fanaticism
    Kindness into Smothering
    Generosity into Self-Destruction
    Honesty into Tactlessness
    Laughter into Ludicrous
    and Friendship into Co-dependency

    So which of these fakes are which again might be getting some mixed up.

    Twisted Caretaker is Kindness
    Spoiled Prince is Generosity
    Broken Jester is Laughter
    Forsaken Vanguard is Loyalty
    Yelling Fool is Honesty?
    Was Friendship mentioned yet or no?
     
  11. Diraniola

    Diraniola Not too sore, are you?

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    Spoiled Prince mentioned an Illustrious Overlord in this chapter that was suspiciously capitalized. Also, I thought the 6 the element was magic?
     
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  12. Vaermina

    Vaermina I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Getting farther and father away from that Honesty Gem, aren't you Grayven.
     
  13. Shotiegun11

    Shotiegun11 Making the rounds.

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    Darkseid acknowledged the renegade as his son. Whether as a replacement for Grayven 16 or for his own amusement we don’t know. Technically a true statement.
     
  14. Jack of Olives

    Jack of Olives Knows just enough to be dangerous.

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    Terrible, but not particularly Harmonious. Maybe the 'Elements of Disfunctionality'?
     
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  15. rkyeun

    rkyeun Cabbitus Maximus

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    Illustrious Overlord - who cares nothing for them.
    Friendship into Exploitation.
     
  16. Gforce1000

    Gforce1000 Jibbering, Jabbering

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    Friendship is Magic.
     
  17. Idkusername

    Idkusername Know what you're doing yet?

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    What’s the total word count at right now?
     
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  18. Bramble Thorn

    Bramble Thorn Verified Silhouette

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    From context pretty sure this is the opposite meaning of the word you meant to use.
    wouldst
     
  19. Vaermina

    Vaermina I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Yea... Here's the thing... Technical truths aren't Honesty.

    And neither are truths fundamentally based on a lie.
     
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  20. Darko

    Darko I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Hey Zoat can you tell us what permanent Injuries the renegade has?
    Things like scars, missing digits?
    I seem to remember reading about him losing a finger?
    Can he heal himself with his ring or is his godhood preventing that?

    Saw the title for what I think is the next alternate chapter.
    So the yellow lantern joined the suicide squad?
    I think you mentioned something about the group he belongs being sometimes heroes and sometimes villains?
     
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  21. Bramble Thorn

    Bramble Thorn Verified Silhouette

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    Becoming the Mask

    At this point, I don't think simply say he's secretly Paul would be all that Honest.
    Because he isn't, anymore.
    And hasn't been for a long time.
     
  22. Enochi

    Enochi Know what you're doing yet?

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    Yeah they aren't it was a plan designed to break the bearers despite them ostensibly keeping their virtues.
     
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  23. desolatedsabers

    desolatedsabers Getting sticky.

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    plus when an evil god literally compared to satan in the same phrase decides you're his son, falsehood or not, you're his son now.
     
  24. DAT_NOOB

    DAT_NOOB Accused of writing in a far away land

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    a true statement yes, but not an honest one
    I disagree with both of you, it is a True capital T statement but not an honest one.
     
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  25. dogbertcarroll

    dogbertcarroll Random lurker

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    It'd be really ironic if the twisted group could activate the elements but instead of them twisting the elements to their purpose the elements act according to their nature and vape them.
     
  26. nick012000

    nick012000 Experienced.

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    Pretty sure that it will. Chrysalis made a group of evil clones of the Mane 6 called the Mean 6 and the tree killed them when they tried to use the Elements of Harmony.

    https://villains.fandom.com/wiki/Mean_Six
     
  27. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
    If it's not aggrivated damage he will heal it back flawlessly. The only scar he has is the one inflicted by the radion gun the thanagarians used.
    No Yellow Lantern just yet.
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2020
  28. Chaoswind

    Chaoswind Lord of nonsense

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    Last time someone checked it was over two million and that was a while ago.
     
  29. Ace Dreamer

    Ace Dreamer Questioning The Nature of our Realities

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    Dunno, Captain Jack Harkness might be more fun. :)
     
  30. Mquz

    Mquz Versed in the lewd.

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    Because those weren’t compatible. They no longer represented the elements. In fact, they supposedly represented the opposite of them. Though it’s a little hard to represent “anti-magic”. These ones do directly represent the elements of harmony. They just do so in evil ways.
    For example, kindness wants people to get hurt so that it can take care of them.
     
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