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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. TheMidnightRook

    TheMidnightRook Well worn.

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    They also didn't show any sort of fear after Twilight popped the first one, even the first few. This suggests rather more limited intelligence than Zoat is portraying them as having.
     
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  2. Idkusername

    Idkusername Versed in the lewd.

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    Honestly, given that Zoat’s writing a serious fic with emphasis on minutia based on a cartoon, I’m willing to stretch my suspension of disbelief quite a bit this episode with whatever Zoat comes up with. It helps that I haven’t yet seen the show.
     
  3. TheMidnightRook

    TheMidnightRook Well worn.

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    I don't disagree, I was simply making an observation about one of the ways the fic was differing from canon.
     
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  4. Coltsguy

    Coltsguy Colts fan. Anime fan. Breast and back fan.

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    Writing up the songs to match moods in MLP isn't too easy. I had to do the same thing in my pseudo-SI for that. I had to make up a song for Pinkie Pie to lift people's moods in a forced ponified version of Code Geass and it took some work. I can appreciate how that work goes every time.

    Also, by doing a fanfic that involves MLP in a substantial manner it has invoked said pseudo-SI to appear if called. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
     
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  5. Idkusername

    Idkusername Versed in the lewd.

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    That story sounds like what Rex Gloria Munda would be like if had ponies instead, ADHD, sex and Rule of Cool.
     
  6. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Hey Zoat are we going to see Yellow Lantern Paul in any of this alternate chapters?

    I saw the Warhammer Fantasy chapters, are you planning on doing a chapter or more on 40k?
     
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  7. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Yes.
    I've already written them.
     
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  8. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Are you going to release the 40k chapters in the Guise episode, or in some future April 1st episode?

    Are we going to see a Paul that achieved a different form of enlightenment in this episode?
     
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  9. DAT_NOOB

    DAT_NOOB Accused of writing in a far away land

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    Wait there's Warhammer fantasy chapters?
     
  10. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Yes. Three of them. They haven't been posted yet, but will be in a little over a week.
    Yes.
    I may do more.
    Yes.
     
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  11. Coda

    Coda Versed in the lewd.

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    Harkness

    Not every day Zoat has to be corrected into British English.
     
  12. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  13. Mastigos2

    Mastigos2 Versed in the lewd.

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    I think Paul may also have discovered some more Anti-life fragments from inverted Elements of Harmony
     
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  14. DAT_NOOB

    DAT_NOOB Accused of writing in a far away land

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    Oh, that's good I thought I missed something
     
  15. Idkusername

    Idkusername Versed in the lewd.

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    What? No. No, you don’t just find pieces of the Anit-Life Equation lying around like Easter eggs. Darkseid is the only one who knew the equation in it’s entirety, only he can spread it to other people, who then act as vectors. Darkseid has never been to Equestria, and they’ve never heard of the Equation. The only way to have it here would be if the Renegade brought it with him.

    tl;dr, it’s an equation that only works because Darkseid got research done, you don’t find pieces of it lying around.
     
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  16. Coltsguy

    Coltsguy Colts fan. Anime fan. Breast and back fan.

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    It's a decent story. The author was very kind in letting me use his story as part of my story. It's called 'Rebel Against the Night' and it's over on fimfiction. Mine is called 'Cause and Effect'. It's a 250k word, three-parter and the only story I've ever managed to complete, but I made it in order to try and legitimize all fanfics.
     
  17. Odysseus2099

    Odysseus2099 Versed in the lewd.

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    If Darkseid knew the equation in entirety he'd already own the universe. Because that's what the completed equation does, control everyone in the universe, no will save. And, at least in the comics, you can find pieces laying around if you're actively looking; Darkseid originally went to earth looking for fragments.
     
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  18. Idkusername

    Idkusername Versed in the lewd.

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    Yeah, you’re right, that does make sense. But then, how did the equation come into existence?

    Plus my point’s still valid.
     
  19. Bramble Thorn

    Bramble Thorn Verified Silhouette

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    I think he means whatever song's tune it's supposed to be sung to.

    You did have set the lyrics to some specific tune, right?
    But there is a difference between setting the words to something like Meatloafs 'Bat out of Hell' vs Celine Dion's 'I'm alive'
     
  20. Perchance

    Perchance Getting out there.

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    The equation has always been a variable thing, but in Zoat's world it's fairly similar to it's classic incarnation of universal mind control. I say fairly similar instead of the exact same because I assume we're going to get much more detail on it than we did for the equation during . . . any point of its run really. But my best guess is the equation is sort of like a lesser version of the endless. It's mathematical proof of futility, a concept expressed in a form we can understand. A sentient idea essentially. So it comes from . . . Basically reality being a flawed place in a way. But then again I could be totally wrong.
     
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  21. AidanMorgan

    AidanMorgan Essentially Overworked

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    When in doubt, assume it is somehow Krona's fault, I think?
     
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  22. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    I just assume we should blame Constantine.

    An interesting way in which the whole Nabu possessing Giovanni could have been resolved would have been Zatanna telling her dad that she was going to date John, he basically spiritually devours Nabu and uses his powers to kill John.
    Everybody wins. :D
    Nabu is gone, Giovanni is free and has his power, Zee has her dad back and John is dead, a perfect conclusion.
     
  23. AidanMorgan

    AidanMorgan Essentially Overworked

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    But is the world really ready for Red Lantern Giovanni Zatara, Lord of Order?
     
  24. Threadmarks: Equestrian Guise (part 1)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Equestrian Guise

    Morning
    Equestria


    "Do.. you..?"

    Luna looks away for a moment. We're sitting in her drawing room, the blues and purples not really being displayed to their best in the brilliant sunlight streaming through the windows. Party Popper came with us, then dashed off with a gasp when she realised that she still had to prepare Sunset's Ascension Party.

    "Yes?"

    She shuffles slightly on her… Fainting couch thing? Chaise longue? I've been a pony for less than a day and I already know that lying down or standing are both more comfortable than sitting. Our body structures aren't really designed for it, which has a knock-on effect to how ponies pose in social situations. Luna found a solid-looking couch for me to lie on, and so far it's bearing the burden of my considerable weight well.

    "You mentioned that you found Us-."

    Not a fluke, then.

    "I'm a 'you' now?"

    "We gained some comprehension of your society when We were studying your dream. You are the son of your people's ruler. 'tis improper to refer to you as Our social inferior."

    I look down. "No. Well. At this point I think that I'm informally adopted or something, but as I said: I'm not actually… The original Grayven; the man most people think I am."

    "And hast Darkseid granted you no lands or titles?"

    "Okay… Yes, he granted me a fairly grand-sounding title, and he publically calls me 'son', it's just… You’re the only person I've told this to. I haven't even told my children."

    She nods.

    "Verily, a disguise which exists in only one direction would in truth be of little value. We cannot offer you pardon for your deception, and We can understand why you maintain it. What plans have you made for its undoing?"

    "Once Darkseid isn't a problem anymore I'll just confess to the whole thing. I doubt that my children will care much, and everyone else…" I try to wing-shrug but I mostly just get a twitch. "Sorry, I interrupted you; you were saying?"

    "Do you truly find Us… Appealing?"

    "I wanted to cuddle you the moment I saw you."

    Her wings twitch again.

    "Our world-."

    "I call it 'Wilson'."

    She frowns. "For what reason?"

    "Sunset told me that this planet didn't have a name, just the individual nations. I picked 'Wilson' pretty much at random, which seems to me to be as fair a way to do it as any."

    "Very well; our world of Wilson hath many intelligent species 'pon it, but… Intimate relations between them are usually limited to those which hath similar morphologies. You are naturally a balding bipedal. We are.. curious.. as to… What it is..?"

    "Why I find a fur-covered quadruped appealing?" She nods. "It's not.. exactly.. erotic appeal. I… My original species was 'human', and while we're savannah-adapted apes, our distant ancestors were a lot hairier than us. And ponies have proportionally larger eyes than we do, in a way which.. in our species, is something our babies have. So some instinctual part of me is designed to find that combination of features appealing. But.. on a level with a rose bush in full bloom, or a willow tree gracefully arcing into a pond. While I find you physically appealing, it's not necessarily sexual."

    "Were you lying about your…" She raises her eyebrows. "Pride?"

    "No, that was a response to your behaviour. When I became a New God, some of my attitudes to certain things… Changed. I'm a lot more cerebral in my arousal these days. You're… My type. But I don't want to.. press my suit in a way which would make you uncomfortable. I do like you as an individual as well."

    "We see." She nods again. "How do you intend to follow through on your offer to aid Us?"

    "Okay, you're a thousand years out of date. What sort of lessons did Celestia arrange for you when you returned?"

    "Lessons?"

    "Yes." I nod. "You know, to start learning about all of the cultural and legal changes that have happened over the last thousand years so that you can carry out your duties as diarch from a position of knowledge?"

    "Before your arrival last night I spent my time rearranging the curtains."



    "Is that some sort of pony metaphor?"

    "Neigh, it is not." She thinks for a moment. "It… May be one as well -Our use of the modern vernacular is imperfect- but We are not using it as one. Management of the royal household is one of the few areas where We are capable of acting."



    "What?" I blink. "What? Why are-?" I shake my head. "No, no, a Princess Regnant should not be tending to draperies."

    She looks down. "We are not able to-."

    Okay, no. I put my right forehoof on the floor, and…

    Um.

    Wiggle my haunches across to the edge of the couch, lower my right leg into the floor, wiggle a little m-.

    There's a burst of surprised laughter from Luna as I land on my back, legs waggling helplessly in the air. That'll do for now.

    I pick myself up and put myself down on my four hooves, then walk around the table and lie down so that my face is close to Luna's.

    Then I gently headbutt her in the face.

    She blinks in surprise. "What dost-?"

    "No moping, no feeling sorry for yourself and no feeling guilty. We're going to work to get you into position to actually function as half of the executive branch. And to start with: you should operate on the strategic level, the instructions given to the pony in charge of decorations, who in turn instructs the maids and stewards who physically change them."

    "Such ponies do not operate at night. We are not even certain who those ponies are."

    "Doesn't matter, because it's probably not worth your time anyway. What else do you do?"

    "We.. visit the dreams of our little ponies, to keep them safe from their nightmares."

    "Are these nightmares generally real, capable of causing death or physical injury, or manifesting into the waking world?"

    "No, but-."

    "Then it's not worth your time, either. At most, you should be gathering a group of psychologist unicorns and teaching them how to do it… Or perhaps your guard's information retrieval specialists. Unless somepony else is doing this already?"

    "Not to the best of Our knowledge."

    "Right then. One pony can't possibly reach everyone, but one pony can teach ponies who can teach ponies who can reach all of the most needy. Next… Legal and economic changes. How is your education coming along?"

    "Slowly. We-."

    "I have in my employ a species who can copy knowledge from one mind to another. If you can grab a few legal experts we can sort that out in a few hours."

    "We see."

    "Assuming that you want to?"

    She stares at me for a moment, then smiles.

    "Yes, Grayven. We want to very much."
     
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2020
  25. Idkusername

    Idkusername Versed in the lewd.

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    It’s spelled Party Pooper, in past updates, I think.
     
  26. SebazuD

    SebazuD Experienced.

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    Considering all the stuff in Equestria you'd think that those actually exist.
    And that checking the stuff that causes nightmares can be important in finding potential hidden dangers in Equestria.
     
  27. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Nice seeing renegade helping Luna.
     
  28. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    I... Don't think it was, but if you can point out an instance of it then I'll correct it.
     
  29. Vaermina

    Vaermina Well worn.

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    Luna having to deal with the insanity of DC Earth for even a day will be hilarious.

    I really hope we get to see it.
     
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  30. doug89

    doug89 Versed in the lewd.

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    It definitely is not.

    I checked for you. "Party Popper" has been said 18 times, "Pooper" zero times. It was fairly easy to just open the last page of the story only thread and do a Ctrl+F.

    Edit: Just checked the email notifications. Also "Popper" not "Pooper" there, so it's unlikely it was edited out.
     
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2020
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