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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. moralrelativity

    moralrelativity Recovering pendant.

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    and case -> and a case (This may be just a style choice but it seems odd without the 'a'.)
    ration -> ratio
     
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  2. Vaermina

    Vaermina Well worn.

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    Transporting a kidnap victim across state lines is automatically a Federal crime.

    Also, the state government doesn't have the authority to kick someone out of the country, that's very firmly a power held by the Federal government.
     
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  3. Mquz

    Mquz Versed in the lewd.

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    Judging by Zeus: shapeshift into a wierd shape that shouldn’t be able to make her pregnant, then perform whatever mating ritual the animal usually follows, whether it be duck rape or rain showering. This being Paul and with all the jokes, I suggest an Arachnid shape - she seems like the sort that might like bondage.
     
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2020
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  4. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    The Spider Queen would be very happy if he takes on spider shape.
     
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  5. Queshire

    Queshire Not too sore, are you?

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    Considering that it's OL describing what happens it's not like it has to be an official pardon. He could just call it that for convenience.
     
  6. Ngamer11

    Ngamer11 Experienced.

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    Hi Mr Zoat. I looked at this and noticed that the omake I made about Zatanna and her father isn't here. Is it possible for it to be included? I put a link down here. I named it Hoard Aftermath on the wiki, but an alternate title you can use if you don't like that is Father/Daughter talk.

     
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  7. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  8. Sceptic

    Sceptic Critical Irrationalist

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    So the dreamkin is at risk of being arrested by the feds if they stick around. Whoop de do.

    And they weren't kicking them out of the country, they were making the pardon conditional on them sodding off. There's a significant difference there.
     
  9. wadledo

    wadledo Not too sore, are you?

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    What's the MST3K mantra, folks?
     
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  10. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Added.
     
  11. jmartinez8089

    jmartinez8089 Getting out there.

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    So did OL get a chance to talk to Icon like he wanted?
     
  12. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    He wanted to talk to him because of that Manga Khan situation, but now that Manga is gone there wouldn't be any reason to.
     
  13. jmartinez8089

    jmartinez8089 Getting out there.

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    Yes but when he asked Rocket for help getting in contact with him didn't OL find out that Icon was avoiding him or something?

    I figured OL would want to talk to Icon to see what that was about.
     
  14. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Good point.

    Either they talked about it, or OL forgot to ask him what it was.
     
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  15. Mastigos2

    Mastigos2 Versed in the lewd.

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    I am deeply suspicious of abrupt scene changes that occur right after a Dreamkin does something dramatic.
     
  16. The Lone Rager

    The Lone Rager Getting some practice in, huh?

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    So, given that the last chapter dropped the floor out from under them, is this some kind of dream/hallucination?

    Or am I misreading the situation?
     
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  17. zerofarad

    zerofarad Know what you're doing yet?

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    effect (= a change), rather than affect (= a demeanor)?
     
  18. Assblaster5000

    Assblaster5000 I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    I'm sure there's absolutely nothing to worry about, since when have people on the internet been uncivilized about a work of fiction? :V
     
  19. Threadmarks: Wyrm (part 3)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    16th April 2011
    08:48


    I regard the 'were-chipmunk' as it regards me. A curious creature; it puts me in mind of something that might have existed in a Beatrix Potter book as reinterpreted by Tim Burton. It's got the cute little jacket and scarf combined with eyes that no natural creature should have and razor sharp teeth just a little too large to hide behind its gums.

    "I have an appointment with King Jamie. If you would be so good as to escort me?"

    The creature flicks its strangely lion-like tail as it contemplates me.

    "I wonder if you're a farmer?"

    "Not by preference, and I wasn't much good at it."

    "You can understand me?" I n-. "You can understand me!"

    "I can understand any form of spoken or written communication. Now-?"

    It lunges for my right leg and attempts to scramble up, but my environmental shield allows it no purchase. Instead it slips down, falling over and then rolling back onto its hind paws.

    "I don't think that King Jamie would appreciate me being late."

    "I was only made with short legs-. Oh! You should have seen how quickly some of the others used to run and leap!"

    Having watched every visual record of their activity, I know it perfectly well. Home videos and strike team recordings that leaked out. Even security camera records from the businesses inside Ellisburg. The children of 'Nilbog' didn't do all that much damage to the infrastructure of the town, and quite a lot was recoverable. He loved his children. He loved making children. He didn't care a whit for his fellow humans, and I've seen it argued each way whether that was because of his power or just how he was anyway.

    "Allow me."

    I create a construct plane, designed to look like one of the comically misshapen ones that you used to be able to pay 50p to ride at the front of a supermarket. The.. creature stares at it in absolute admiration for a second before leaping and landing head first in the seat. The propeller starts up as it twists into a sitting position, and then it grabs the steering column.

    It has a few false starts, but it still takes less than a minute before it understands the control system well enough to fly us through the abandoned fields surrounding the town proper. I think that King Jamie was attempting some sort of 'mystic forest' thing here, but his talents don’t actually make trees grow any faster. Or perhaps the problem is a lack of personal discipline? I know that further into town there's an area where he appeared to be attempting to recreate the yellow brick road of Wizard of Oz fame. Sadly for his Scarecrow simulacrum he has no more knowledge of pottery than he does of arboriculture.

    I see a few of the Goblin King's children as I fly after-.

    "You haven't told me your name."

    "Oh no, sir. Giving one's name to the fae is a terrible idea, they can make you do all sorts of things."

    "You do understand that I'm not a fae creature, yes?"

    "You must be, sir? Or else why would you be here?"

    "As a foreign diplomat attempting to negotiate."

    The creature turns its head, apparently disappointed by my reply. Or perhaps that I replied to what was supposed to be a rhetorical Cheshire Cat paraphrasing?

    I reach down to my equipment harness and pull out an iron horse shoe. That seems to mollify it.

    "My name is Hunca Munca, yes it is! What is yours?"

    "I might not be a fae creature, but you definitely are."

    It grins.

    As we approach the town hall it.. veers off, turning its toy plane down another road and towards… A playing ground which is being fully enjoyed by the locals. Creatures like my guide, midget animals who went for cute and fell far short. Others look like miniature demons, gremlins and gargoyles. I think perhaps that I'm too familiar with goblins from Warhammer to recognise that mythological goblins had far more varied appearances.

    And the man I'm here to see, dressed like a cross between a court jester and Slenderman. His people have built him a platform atop the climbing frame, and a couple of heavy wooden chairs have been stuck together with the adjoining arm rests removed to create something that can serve as his throne. His eyes are sufficiently altered that I can't tell where he's looking.

    Hunca Munca flies up to the top of the climbing frame and leaps out of the plane, landing at its creator's feet and prostrating itself.

    "Oh mighty King Nilbog! I come, with the ambassador!"



    I've only just realised that his name is 'goblin' backwards.

    I dismiss the construct, land at the base of his climbing frame and bow.

    "Your majesty. I thank you for receiving me."

    "Mm. And what do I call you? And who do you work for?"

    I straighten up. "My title is Lord Protector. And I work for myself."

    "Are you a king?"

    "No."

    "It's a very grand-sounding title, for a man who says that he isn't a king."

    "There was some suggestion that after I reunified Thundera I might take the title, but I decided against it. It is my opinion that once a community reaches a certain size, it isn't wise to have every decision be made by a single individual. I guard the state. I do not control it."

    His face… Sort of squishes.

    "You think I'm a tyrant, do you? You dare accuse me of keeping my children as slaves?!"

    "Not at all, your majesty. The affection you feel for them is obvious. It is simply that the political community I guard will outlive me, while your children are dependent on you and your abilities. Were I to claim the title of king I would be lying, whereas you are simply describing your situation accurately."

    "Hmm." He settles down slightly. "What do you want, Ambassador Lord Protector? What boon do you ask of me?"

    "I wish to trade. My people have recently undergone a revolution in farming technology. Not only do we have a surplus of farming equipment to exchange, we also have a surplus of farm animals. I understand that you have consumed all of the animals within your territory for resources."

    I don't have Orange Prime's empathy, but I can hardly miss his reaction to that.

    "And as a personal gift…"

    I take a pile of books on farming techniques out of subspace and… Ah. There isn't really anywhere to put-.

    A moleman ambles up and holds out his large fore claws. I hand them to him.

    "This should enable some of your children to set up the farms you will need to ensure the long-term viability of your s-. Kingdom."

    He shifts in his seat. Oh yes, the reports made it clear that his people skills weren't very good but even he knows that he shouldn't seem too eager.

    "And what do you want in return?"

    "When I first came to Thundera, its people were starving. For now, it is enough to know that your people won't be. But if you will agree to meet me again in a year, perhaps we could discuss a longer term agreement?"
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2020
  20. Idkusername

    Idkusername Versed in the lewd.

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    Lord Paultector would be much better served nuking the place from orbit.
     
  21. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  22. Assblaster5000

    Assblaster5000 I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    "Built" I imagine.
     
  23. Ngamer11

    Ngamer11 Experienced.

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    Some guy posted on the story only thread.
     
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  24. Citizen

    Citizen Well worn.

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    The Protectorate were well-able to destroy Nilbog's kingdom in Ellisville, it's the aftermath that kept them from doing so. A lot of precog time was spent asking variations of "okay but what if we tried x" and they consistently returned "bad idea, do not attempt, just let sleeping dogs lie"
     
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  25. Odysseus2099

    Odysseus2099 Versed in the lewd.

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    Lots of people, in universe and out, have suggested the same thing. It would cause more problems than it solves. You might get Nilbog himself, but his creatures can reproduce on their own, and he's set up a lot of contingencies to assure MAD if anyone tries it.
     
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  26. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    'for'
     
  27. TheEyes

    TheEyes Well worn.

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    It couldn't be an official pardon anyway, because nobody had yet been convicted of a crime, as something like that would take weeks to months. What almost certainly happened is that the governor leaned on the local prosecutor's office and got him/her to drop or settle the charges in exchange for various considerations.
     
  28. moralrelativity

    moralrelativity Recovering pendant.

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    Thank you, that's the clearest explanation of the difference I've seen. Maybe now it will finally stick in my head.
     
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  29. NightmareWarden

    NightmareWarden Versed in the lewd.

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    Listen... generally creatures and materials created by parahuman powers are unstable and unsuited to research, but that isn’t absolute. Nilbog’s creatures don’t have to be made of human tissue. He no longer has a serious compulsion to attack strangers. And some, perhaps all, of these creatures are people, if more limited than a typical human.
    Take away the risk of a runaway biological WMD, and this civilization might be the most important event in human history. Aliens or mutants, they might be a few nutrients or augmentations short of enjoying a human lifespan. They seem to be one of the most important events on Earth Bet.
     
  30. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    maybe 'mighty'
     
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