"I have an appointment with
King Jamie. If you would be so good as to escort me?
"
The creature flicks its strangely lion-like tail as it contemplates me.
Seriously, how disturbed is Nilbog? Everything I've heard says 'Very.' But is it the man or the shard causing it?
"I wonder if you're a farmer?"
"Not by preference, and I wasn't much good at it."
He knew to leave it to the people who knew what they doing. His part in it was simply keeping them safe.
"You can understand me?" I n-. "You can understand me!"
"I can understand any form of spoken or written communication. Now-?"
Man, Cauldron and the PRT must be going nuts trying to work out his threat ratings... I suspect anything he qualifies for just gets 'Threat: YES.'
It lunges from my right leg and attempts to scramble up, but my environmental shield allows it no purchase. Instead it slips down, falling over and then rolling back onto its hind paws.
"I don't think that King Jamie would appreciate me being late."
"I was only made with short legs-. Oh! You should have seen how quickly some of the others used to run and leap!"
Seriously, this feels like some twisted Alice in Wonderland stuff. Like a children's book seen through a dark lens of madness...
Having watched every visual record of their activity, I know it perfectly well. Home videos and strike team recordings that leaked out. Even security camera records from the businesses inside Ellisburg. The children of 'Nilbog' didn't do all that much damage to the infrastructure of the town, and quite a lot was recoverable. He loved his children. He loved making children. He didn't care a whit for his fellow humans, and I've seen it argued each way whether that was because of his power or just how he was anyway.
And that's why they leave him alone. He's content here. Poke him, and he'd send them out into the countryside...
"Allow me."
I create a construct plane, designed to look like one of the comically misshapen ones that you used to be able to pay 50p to ride at the front of a supermarket. The.. creature stares at it in absolute admiration for a second before leaping and landing head first in the seat. The propeller starts up as it twists into a sitting position, and then it grabs the steering column.
Oh god, how is a freakish monstrosity so damn
cute?
It has a few false starts, but it still takes less than a minute before it understands the control system well enough to fly us through the abandoned fields surrounding the town proper. I think that King Jamie was attempting some sort of 'mystic forest' thing here, but his talents don't actually make trees grow any faster. Or perhaps the problem is a lack of personal discipline? I know that further into town there's an area where he appeared to be attempting to recreate the yellow brick road of Wizard of Oz fame. Sadly for his Scarecrow simulacrum he has no more knowledge of pottery than he does of arboriculture.
So you might say, he doesn't have a brain. Certainly no head for landscaping.
I see a few of the Goblin King's children as I fly after-.
"You haven't told me your name."
"Oh no, sir. Giving ones name to the fae is a terrible idea, they can make you do all sorts of things."
Wise critter. Even if Lord Protector isn't a fae, he can still do nasty things to you, though.
"You do understand that I'm not a fae creature, yes?"
"You must be, sir? Or else why would you be here?"
Oh, they're all mad there, yes indeed. As mad as their king...
"As a foreign diplomat attempting to negotiate."
The creature turns its head, apparently disappointed by my reply. Or perhaps that I replied to what was supposed to be a rhetorical Cheshire Cat paraphrasing?
He may be able to speak, but he's still got the brains of a chipmunk.
I reach down to my equipment harness and pull out an iron horse shoe. That seems to mollify it.
"My name is Hunca Munca, yes it is! What is yours?"
Probably picked because it sounds funny and cute. If not for shard bullshit, this might have been a nice place...
"I might not be a fae creature, but you definitely are."
It grins.
Note that's not a denial. Truly, terrific. Lord Protector's going to get on like a house on fire. Complete with the screaming and the burning and the exploding...
As we approach the town hall it.. veers off, turning its toy plane down another road and towards… A playing ground which is being fully enjoyed by the locals. Creatures like my guide; midget animals who went for cute and fell far short. Others look like miniature demons, gremlins and gargoyles. I think perhaps that I'm too familiar with goblins from Warhammer to recognise that mythological goblins had far more varied appearances.
Never mind the D&D or Pathfinder counterparts. The latter were closer to the mad little fae image, and if played well, live up to it.
And the man I'm here to see, dressed like a cross between a court jester and Slenderman. His people have build him a platform atop the climbing frame, and a couple of heavy wooden chairs have been stuck together with the adjoining arm rests removed to create something that can serve as his throne. His eyes are sufficiently altered that I can't tell where he's looking.
A raggedy king, for a raggedy kingdom...
Hunca Munca flies up to the top of the climbing frame and leaps out of the plane, landing at its creator's feet and prostrating itself.
"Oh might King Nilbog! I come, with the ambassador!"
Let's hope he's in a good mood, more Wizard than Nome King...
…
I've only just realised that his name is 'goblin' backwards.
Eh, it's a silly thing. Whoever named him must have been a big geek.
I dismiss the construct, land at the base of his climbing frame and bow.
"Your majesty. I thank you for receiving me."
"Mm. And what do I call you? And who do you work for?"
What could he even want here, anyway? What point is there to talking to Nilbog?
I straighten up. "My title is Lord Protector. And I work for myself."
"Are you a king?"
Hoo boy, it's going to be one of those conversations...
"No."
"It's a very grand-sounding title, for a man who says that he isn't a king."
"There was some suggestion that after I reunified Thundera I might take the title, but I decided against it. It is my opinion that once a community reaches a certain size, it isn't wise to have every decision be made by a single individual. I guard the state. I do not control it."
Democracy, huh? Wonder how Lion-O's taking that...
His face… Sort of squishes.
"You think I'm a tyrant, do you? You dare accuse me of keeping my children as slaves?!"
Huh, I'd give him a Mover 4 rating, for that ability to jump to conclusions.
"Not at all, your majesty. The affection you feel for them is obvious. It is simply that the political community I guard will outlive me, while your children are dependent on you and your abilities. Where I to claim the title of king I would be lying, where as you are simply describing your situation accurately."
"Hmm." He settles down slightly. "What do you want, Ambassador Lord Protector? What boon do you ask of me?"
Still trying to make this world a better place? or at least a less chaotic one?
"I wish to trade. My people have recently undergone a revolution in farming technology. Not only do we have a surplus of farming equipment to exchange, we also have a surplus of farm animals. I understand that you have consumed all of the animals within your territory for resources."
I don't have Orange Prime's empathy, but I can hardly miss his reaction to that.
Impressive to ping even his senses. You can at least tell he cares for his creations...
"And as a personal gift…"
I take a pile of books on farming techniques out of subspace and… Ah. There isn't really anywhere to put-.
A moleman ambles up and holds out his large fore claws. I hand them to him.
How handy of him.
"This should enable some of your children to set up the farms you will need to ensure the long-term viability of your s-. Kingdom."
He shifts in his seat. Oh yes, the reports made it clear that his people skills weren't very good but even he knows that he shouldn't seem too eager.
Too bad he's lit up like a lighthouse to Lord Protector's sight (beyond sight?
)
"And what do you want in return?"
"When I first came to Thundera, it's people were starving. For now, it is enough to know that your people won't be. But if you will agree to meet me again in a year, perhaps we could discuss a longer term agreement?"
Assuming the planet is still in one piece in a year's time. We still haven't seen any of the fallout of his actions yet...
