"Removing illegal graffiti and checking that electrical systems and plumbing is up to code requires a work permit?"
"Yer also repairing brick and mortar, replacin' windows, repairin' sidewalks and streets, and gettin' rid of garbage. We got like a dozen different labor unions callin' fer yer head."
Hence Bullock's asshole behaviour here. He may be one of the cleaner cops on the force politically, but even he would get
annoyed by the yelling of Union reps... For those who want to read the original scene,
Chapter 4 of the original thread.
I narrow my eyes slightly, then blink as I suddenly start seeing an emotional spectrum which apparently contains fourteen colours rather than the seven I'm used to. This definitely warrants further investigation.
And that's
not an exaggeration. The seven newer colours were more or less hybrids of two of the original seven, like
Teal's Joy.
"Well boohoo for them that I'm drying up their bribe money, but the electrical and plumbing systems are literally unsafe here to the point it might actually be safer to live in grass huts in deep Africa. Do you honestly want me to leave people living in buildings where flipping the light switch may one day shock them to death just because some crooked unions and government workers are worried about the bribes they'll be losing out on?"
Might sound a lot more like Compassion, but when you consider the joy produced by the people living there... Well, when Teal Lanterns are strengthened by the
Joy around them? It's
quite the feedback loop.
I drop down besides her, arms folded behind my back.
"Wrong question."
And here's where things Diverge. The question I have is, is this an Alternate Paul native to this universe, or our wonderful Paragon making a flying visit across
significant levels of meta? (Not quite
Internship levels of Meta, mind...)
"Agh!"
The lagomorph jumps three metres into the air from a standing start, apparently without ring-assistance. Bullock takes a half-step back, right hand jerking towards his sidearm before his brain fully processes what he's seeing.
And before anyone asks:
Yes, Viera
can do that. Bizarrely, they can leap great heights, yet cannot stand upright without support.
Go Evolution! Vanilla here
literally cannot stand on her own two feet without the
twelve-inch-plus heels she wears.
"In your own-"
She lands, right hand over her heart and eyes wide.
"-time."
Methinks she's panicked because she
maybe recognises you. As an SI, she
does have a memory of our universe, after all. And
Mr Zoat did pretty much start off the tide of SI's back then...
She freezes up for several seconds, eyes fixed on my face.
"Um. Joyful.. being..?"
To save reading time, that's her 'cure all ails' healing power. Healing is something Teal Lanterns are
extremely good at, being a Blue-Green hybrid.
I raise my left hand and do a Vulcan salute.
"Live long and prosper, Cyan Lantern."
Why not throw in a "Nanoo, Nanoo!" for good measure?
"It's… Um.
Teal, actually."
"Ah. I apologise. Teal Lantern. But it's still the wrong question.
"
Now that the surprise is out of the way, down to business! At least we avoided the usual 'Let's You and Him Fight' encounter.
She hesitates, taking a moment to study me. Right, no Orange Lantern Corps in this continuity. Which means that the only Orange Lantern she could know about is Larfleeze.
"Aaaand..? Then what's the right question?"
Again, SI with possible knowledge of a certain Lantern SI story being written about the time they got ROB'd. Also, this is a
long time before she knew there actually were
other hybrid-coloured Lanterns around.
"Do you want to do good, or do you want to listen to a fat fool who wants to stop you doing good?"
Bullock huffs. "Look. I get she's try'na do a good-."
"Stop talking-"." I don't look at him. "."-or I give you a six pack."
Oh, you're enjoying this, aren't you, OL? Getting to mess with an alternate Harvey Bullock?
"I don't drink on dooty."
My orange beam hits him in the abdomen, converting fat into muscle. His shirt and coat sag noticeably. The Teal Lantern stares at him as he pats himself down to try and assess the damage.
Surprised his pants didn't feel a lot looser. He must wear his belt
under the gut.
"I… Like to try and work inside the system? I want to help but I don't want to get the people who live here in any trouble."
"'
Breaking and Decorating' does not fall within the usual purview of the Major Crimes Unit. Even in Gotham,
no one is going to be punished because someone else improved their home.
"
I mean, she didn't even technically
break into any homes. All her work can be done from outside, so no crime there at all.
Bullock finishes feeling himself up, a look of bewilderment on his face. But he hasn't survived this long in Gotham by letting strange occurrences distract him from his job. "Alright, asshole, yer under arrest. We can do this-."
"And neither is 'Assault and Betterment'. And if you honestly intend to attempt to arrest me, I suggest that you toddle off and get someone with a little more firepower than that peashooter. Speak again and I will fully restore your hair."
Haha, that'd
ruin the careful image Bullock's probably been cultivating over the years. You know, the hard-ass, seen-it-all police detective who's 'getting too old for this shit'.
The rabbit frowns. "You're a lot more… Non-crazy than I was… Expecting…"
I nod. "Expecting an Orange Lantern to be, yes, I've met Larfleeze."
To quote a good movie: You came, You saw, You kicked his arse. Though it was more of a scry-and-
restrain tele-nabbing. I mean, did Larfleeze even
wake up?
She puts her hands on her hips. "Well, you're still being unnecessarily rude. Detective Bullock is just trying to do his job."
"If someone is doing something likely to negatively affect the people you are trying to help, is their motive of primary importance?"
There's a twisty thought for you.
"It still matters!"
"Fine. I just added twelve years to his predicted lifespan. How polite do you want me to be?"
Keep it up! I'm sure he'll
enjoy looking like Fabio by the time you're done.
Handsomest cop on the force!
"Ah, look-."
Another orange beam repairs Detective Bullock's receding hair line and male pattern baldness, as well as restoring the pigment lost to stress and poor diet.
You almost get the feeling he's actually
trying to get them to fix him up, now.
"Speak again and your penis will grow by a half inch per word. Teal Lantern, I can see within you the shining desire to catalyse joy. You have on your finger the most powerful tool in the universe. If you're going to let people stop you because your actions are inconvenient to them, I can only suggest going home and telling your ring to find a new bearer, because in your heart you have already abandoned your core mission."
"If it's that important to you, why don't you do it?"
He doesn't
want to, though. He'd rather fix the
cause of the problem, not the
symptoms.
"If I wanted to commit myself to saving Gotham, I would do so in a rational and pragmatic manner. I would take over the city by force majeure, recruit the handful of obstinately upstanding residents as aides, summarily execute the worst criminals, then ram through whatever other changes I thought necessary over the heads of any local objections. Then, and only then, would I do painting and decorating work, because the time spent to lives improved ratio just doesn't support it until then."
See? Oh, this is
definitely a future Paragon. He'll make the world better, even if he has to kick
everyone's arse to do it.
She glares at me.
"I don't believe that for a moment!" She point her right arm at he, forefinger extended accusatorially. "You're just a miserable emo who's forgotten how to be nice to people!"
Buh-huh-wha-? Okay. Now,
Tangseid might be a better target for that accusation, but
wow. Then again, this OL must have been dealing with typical DC people for
centuries. Imagine having to cope with all that instinctive
foolishness.
Bullock writes something on his notepad.
"I'm trying to help you learn things the easy way before-" Bullock holds his notepad out in front of her. "-you…"
Oh, he's not pulling...
She focuses on it, arm still outstretched, then frowns.
"Of course it's one word, why would you think-?"
Bullock, you jammy blighter. You cheeky dickwaffle...
Bullock nods. "Okay."
He looks mildly satisfied as the orange beam hits him, then turns away to head back to his patrol car.
There goes one
smug bastard. He may not have
started the night intending to get a near-total makeover, but hey, when opportunity comes a-knocking, you do
not ignore it!
"Great! Now they're going to think I'm a supervillain because of you!"
"That says more about them than it does you. But I want to see what you'll do next."
For reference, this stuff gets her a place on the Team, courtesy of assuming Bruce Wayne was a supervillian (He would have turned up a in a few minutes.)
"Keep helping people! But now I don't know if I should keep doing this, or-"
"Yes you do."
"-get some sort of licence-." She lowers her arm. "What do you mean?"
Aw, no Bruce Wayne interrupt...
Yet.
"People often limit themselves by what is socially acceptable, even if they think it's nonsense. You know what is right, and you've seen the joy you've already brought. At this point anything other than carrying on is an unworthy self-deception."
Her eyes narrow. "I don't think I like you."
"But do you think I'm wrong?"
Ah, now
there's the rub. (
No, not
that kind. Even if she
does have fluffy bunny ears.) Could you be doing
more, and
how?
