"Good morning, John."
His eyes open a little more, but he doesn't appear to be able to focus properly. He opens his mouth.
Time to see who's home, then. Which John is he
today?
"E-uh?"
"Yes, I know that you said that you didn't want to see me for a while, but you did something rather unwise and I had to-."
Aw, so
eloquent. Hope he feels like he's been on a week-long bender, it'll be a good
start.
"Where-?" He winces, closing his eyes tight shut for a moment and then opening them up again. "Where am I?"
"Themyscira. Reformation Island, to be precise. It used to be where the Amazons tried to reform female American criminals, so the women who worked here are a little more used to outsiders than most."
Which should make you feel honoured, John. It's been
years since they had anyone to look after, so you can expect to be
mothered a little.
He looks at his bedding, then around at the room.
"Fag."
Now,
now.
OL might not mind you, but he's not
that into you.
"Conservative."
He looks mildly surprised for a moment, then slightly amused. "Cigarette."
Really? Off to ruin what, your
third set of lungs already?
"Amazons don't smoke. It's a filthy habit, though I must say that I'm impressed that you kept it up after being right there when a man died of explosive lung cancer right next to you."
He flops back in his bed. "Hell. I died, an' that's where I went."
If memory serves me correctly, you also had to swindle
three separate Lords of hell to get
out of it. I don't think they'll take so kindly to seeing you again.
"Given that you're comprised of two people who both identify as 'The Demon Constantine', I imagine that you'd fit right in."
"Never said I didn't deserve it. I-?" He winces. "What happened?"
Memory loss? Understandable, but a little irritating. Then again, he hasn't been
him for months...
"What do you remember?"
"Saw you off in the hospital. Went to Nabu's tower to try and… Dump some of it." He narrows his eyes at me. "How come I'm feeling so normal?"
As opposed to what? Flying apart at the seams in a burst of Gold and Red? Well, wasn't that the
point of your little vacation?
"The crystals. Doctor Balewa set up an interference matrix around the island using them to absorb your power."
"Crystals-? Right, the… Brownies. Yeah. I remember getting hold of them. I remember setting them up with a farm. And I-." He winces. "Something about a machine?"
Oh,
yes. I bet they're
very interested in finding out how much you remember of it all.
"Yes. Impressive piece of work, actually. We're sending images of it to Professor Sephtian to see what he makes of it. Do you remember what it was for?"
"To balance me out." He frowns, eyes unfocusing again. "It didn't work."
Well, good to see it's not a complete blank. I
shudder to think what Sephtian made of it, apart from being terrified and
possibly aroused.
"No, technically it worked. You appear to have decided to split yourself in two, using your demonic doppelgänger and The Golden Boy as counterweights. We had to fight a version of you who called himself John Quinn."
"Fuck." He sighs. "Sorry, I was-. Trying t'..."
I suspect he just got a
little flash of it, didn't he? Still, it wasn't the
worst result for a Constantine plan.
Weren't all
that many deaths, after all.
"Get your head on straight. I get it."
"It was like… Two.. great… Things, bellowing in my soul, doing it the whole time."
Well, at least they're being quiet for now?
"I'm sorry. I should have found someone else for the other half, to handle Order."
He shakes his head. "I coulda done that. Told you to knock it off, wouldn't change anything if we left it a week. Had t'be at the centre of things."
Yes, you never
can seem to trust that other people
know what they're doing, can you? Might have to work on that, if you're gonna keep playing in
superhero circles, John...
I nod sympathetically. "You feeling alright now?"
"Feel like I'm coming off a week-long bender and the headache hasn't caught up with me just yet." He pushes himself up slightly. "Who got hurt?"
Ah, good, he
is feeling hungover. Not surprised, after playing silly buggers with his soul, Order and Chaos...
"Some of the Tower's prisoners got Anti-Lifed, along with the brownies. We killed some of the brownies when we attacked. We haven't seen any evidence of your John Quinn aspect killing anyone, and Demon Constantine Two was too busy dating Kathryn Ryan to-."
"What?" His eyes open wide, his body tensing. "What did-?"
Oh,
that's the bit that upsets you? Good to see you're not
completely heartless.
"She's fine, just angry."
He sags a little in relief.
Might want to go and apologise to her for all that, though. Preferably with some
decent defensive spells, because she will probably give you at least
one well-earned punch in the jaw.
"We'll be checking up on everything, but we're not expecting to find a warehouse full of bodies or anything. Doctor Balewa is going to occupy the Tower while you're… You're here."
"Right. Here. Where the tribe of man-hating lesbians put their criminals."
No, where they put
American criminals. At least the Tower won't be unguarded while the current owner is
indisposed.
"No no no. It's where the tribe of man-hating lesbians used to put their criminals."
"If I lift this sheet of, are my balls still gonna be there?
I doubt they'd pull an
Endymion on you. They're not
that man-starved.
"Amazons don't go in for mutilation. They tend to treat criminality like a mental disorder.
"
He smiles wryly, looking away. "Yeah. Guess I'm here for a while. Least it beats
Ravenscar."
Better looking nurses, if nothing else. Let's not go hearing about any little Amazonian Constantines running around anytime soon, though.
"Healthy exercise in a sub-tropical environment, no alcohol or cigarettes, no demons and a spell set up to prevent you getting driven mad by the Order-Chaos discord."
He turns his face back to me. "But I'm in prison."
A very
pleasant prison. Your components
did do some bad stuff back there.
"You're on a health retreat." I shrug. "I mean… We can't-. We literally can't force you to stay here. But you split yourself in half because you couldn't cope, and that wasn't a clever thing to do."
He looks away again. "Yeah."
Who knows, this might be good for you. Let you sort things out in peace and quiet.
"And you've got four different sets of memories to sort through."
"Four?"
Be glad it's
only four. You could have split
more...
Aw,
shit, the Universe is hiding under the bed now...
Sorry!
"Yes, the… Demon Constantine decided that the best way to keep you miserable was to make sure that you exist. So now you've got all of him back, which is probably why you felt so strongly about Ms. Ryan. So." I get off the chair next to his bed. "Take it easy and try and get yourself straightened out. I'll visit again tomorrow. Oh, and I'll let Mister Chandler know that you're alright."
He nods distractedly.
Boy, that's going to be one
heck of an explanation for Chas.
"So, he split himself into four copies of himself,
including two demons, to get his head back together?
Typical John."
"So, um…"
I hold out my right hand. He hesitates.
Come on, John, has he ever done you
wrong?
"A lot of my friends don't last all that long."
"Then you need to get friends who are tougher and not keep risking the squishy people. We walked through a Dream Storm to get to you, you know."
Like it or not, you're a
Superhero now, John. And they do
everything bigger.
"Oh yeah?" He leans forward and takes my hand. "Tell me about that-." He appears to get dizzy for a moment, then recovers. "Tomorrow."
I nod. "I'll see you tomorrow, John. Get well soon."
Now why do I get the feeling he's going to end up developing a Justice League for the
mystical side of things one day?
