The Beacon Academy JNPR common room was a lively mess, with snack wrappers and open books strewn across the table, the late evening light filtering through the windows. Team SSSN and Jaune Arc sprawled across the couches, the air thick with banter and the faint hum of Aura from their earlier training. Jaune, in his black hoodie and white armor, leaned back, his blonde hair slightly mussed.
"It is nice to train with guys once in a while," Jaune observed.
"And Neptune," Scarlet snarked, cleaning his sword.
"Haha," Neptune huffed, working on his goggles.
"No problem, Jaune!" Sun grinned. "Any friend of Blake's is a friend of ours!"
"More or less," Sage observed. At Jaune's stare, Sage blinked. "That was a joke."
"Oh," Jaune mumbled, thinking of Ren. He wondered if he and Sage met in secret to work on being deadpan together.
"Woah! Who is the babe?!"
Jaune looked over at Neptune, who was holding up a framed picture of Jaune's family. Jaune scowled.
"That's my mom," Jaune growled.
"She's like the ultimate MILF!" Neptune crowed, "Hot Damn!"
"Neptune, answer me honestly," Jaune said, his voice teasing but sharp. "How would you personally feel if I was enjoying the view of your mother?"
Neptune, his blue hair catching the light, froze, his goggles slipping from his fingers. His voice was flat, defensive. "My mom's not a babe."
Jaune's eyebrow arched, his grin widening.
"What if she was one at our age?"
Neptune's eyes narrowed, his eyebrow twitching irritably. "Then she's not my mom, is she?"
Sun Wukong, lounging nearby, his tail swishing lazily, chimed in, his voice dripping with amusement.
"Dude, I know I'm a little late on the upkeep, but before you dig yourself deeper, I gotta let ya know something. A while back, I was walking in the park and saw Jaune helping a bunch of little kids get their ball back from a tree. The look their moms gave him afterward? Like they were starving and he was a plate of prime rib. So, I'm just saying… there's a good chance he seduces your mom outright."
Neptune's jaw dropped, his voice a yelp. "He would not!"
Scarlet's grin turned wicked, his eyes glinting. "He has Professor Goodwitch's Scroll number."
"HE WHAT?!" Neptune squawked, his face reddening.
Jaune waved his hands, his voice flustered.
"It's just because she's tutoring me, and I'm working as a teaching assistant!"
Sun leaned forward, undeterred, his voice sly.
"You also have the number for Blake's mom! Don't deny it, I saw the caller I.D. yesterday!"
Jaune's blush deepened, his voice defensive. "Well, I'm trying to help Blake reconnect with her parents!"
Neptune's eyes bulged, his voice a shout.
"Why are you doing that?!"
"She asked me to?" Jaune said, his tone bewildered, his hands raised.
Scarlet, perched on the armrest, smirked. Jaune prayed he wouldn't stoke the flames any further... But his prayers were not answered.
"What about that white-haired woman who kept saying she was Weiss's mom?"
Jaune groaned, rubbing his neck. "She was friends with my parents!"
Sage Ayana crossed his arms, his green hair catching the light, his voice calm but pointed.
"What about that strange raven-haired woman who looked like an older version of Yang and tried to throttle you last week?"
Jaune's face darkened, his voice sharp.
"That's Yang's mom. She's a bitch. My mom tried to make her come home and apologize to Yang for abandoning her."
Sun placed a hand on Neptune's shoulder, his voice mock-solemn.
"Still, dude, you're four for four on moms right now. I'm sorry, man, he'll seduce your mom. It's inevitable at this point."
Neptune's face was now a brilliant shade of red, his voice a strangled growl. Jaune flailed, his voice desperate. "No, no, no! My parents are trying to make Raven apologize to Yang! I don't—She's not hot!"
Sage's eyebrow arched, his voice dry. "She's a near one-to-one copy of Yang. Are you saying Yang's not hot?"
Jaune's eyes widened, his voice a frantic scramble.
"Physically, yes! But she abandoned her entire family and is a bandit! She's terrible! That kills any arousal at all."
"Then why is she following you around?" Neptune demanded. Jaune shrugged helplessly.
"I have no idea!"
Neptune was turning red at this moment, huffing like an angry bull.
"And anyway, it doesn't matter! I haven't met Neptune's mom!" Jaune added.
Sage held up his Scroll and projected an image of a very attractive older woman in a suit with a skirt with long blue hair. Jaune stared, and blushed.
"Oh... Wow... She's uh... I-I mean she looks... Nice?"
"And she's coming for the Vytal Festival," Sun grinned.
Scarlet placed a hand on Neptune's other shoulder, his voice teasing. "Tsk, tsk, sorry, Nep. Looks like Jaune's gonna seduce your mom."
Neptune's control snapped, his voice a roar. "YOU BASTARD!"
He launched himself at Jaune, hands aiming for his throat.
"HURK!" Jaune gasped, stumbling back as Neptune tackled him, the two crashing into the couch.
Sun cackled, leaning back, while Scarlet snorted, his voice dry. "Why exactly did we do this?"
Sage shook his head, his voice calm but amused. "It means he's now one of us."
"Having Neptune freak out and try to strangle us?" Scarlet asked.
Sun nodded.
"Totally! We all went through that!"
Scarlet hummed and shrugged as Jaune yelped in desperation.
"Fair enough."
- - -
There you go, no Jaune harem antics. Just Neptune freaking out and losing his control and Team SSSN being trolls.