[X] Okay
You might as well get this over with. Even if you are still uncomfortable with the whole 'being an Youkai Yakuza Boss' situation. It doesn't feel right.
{I agree with you.}
Woah! Did Bright-sensei just-
{Those peons and beasts should worship you as a God like all Solars, even the pathetic ones like you, are entitled to!}
Okay, nevermind that. Being an Youkai Yakuza Boss is fine.
Better than the alternative anyway.
"Sure." You nod while making the gesture of straightening a imaginary tie. "Lead the way sempai."
====
"Greetings Hyodo-sama." The headless armoured knight manages to bow even without his head, who is held under his arm. The ghastly voice comes from the helmet-covered head, two pale blue flames glowing behind the visor. "I am Smith the Dullahan. Forgive me for not having a more glorious name to give you. Sadly i quite forgot my original one. You know how it is, centuries of doing nothing but riding around to announce people's imminent deaths aren't good for one's sanity." His chuckle is like the rattling of bones. "Plus, with how often people die I haven't much free time for a long, long time."
"Err, no. Sorry, but I don't know how it is. I'm not even twenty." You say slowly. "But now you're better?"
"Very much! Japan's health care system is one of the best of the world. Why, once I even had a whole
week completely free!"
"...What about those who die of violent death?"
"Luckily for me my urges only work on those who are going to die of natural death."
"I see." You already had some info on Dullahan, but nothing so detailed.
Your eyes look up to the massive horse standing behind Smith, its black fur and glowing eyes making it seems like it may belong to Raoh himself!
Smith the Dullahan is just one of the few but colorful monsters under Abe-senpai's care. After him you are introduced to a small colony of harpies, a lamia and even a mermaid!
...Nope. Sorry, but that's too much of a delusion even for you. It's not a normal Mermaid, but an Unfortunate Mermaid: instead of a human body with a fish tail, it's a fish with human legs.
Abe-sempai calls her Estleena.
You call it a tuna with legs. In your mind of course.
"Are you alright?" Kiyome asks as you leave the pool where the mermaid live. "Your right eyebrow is twitching so much it looks like it's trying to send a morse code."
"I injured it a couple of days ago during training, and it has done the same sporadically since then." You shamelessly lie. "It should stop completely soon."
Next is a bird man whose race originally came from Easter Island, but his ancestor migrated to Kobe and started a colony there.
"So you are the legendary Dragon who Ojou-sama respect and who managed to gain the trust of the Nura Clan. Fufufu, I see, you have a good look. I'm Takahashi. My name is Sky which stands for 'glittering sky'. Let's get along."
The bird-like monster man, with a cockscomb on his head, a beak for his mouth and wings on his arms shakes your hand, while acting like a gentleman. True to his name, his aura is so glittering it hurts the eyes.
"Yes, let's get along." You reply. Despite his quirks he seems like an okay guy.
After Sky-san it's the turn of a white gorilla.
...Come again?
"Hokyooooooooooooooooooooooou!"
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!
The gorilla howls before it starts banging on its chest with its thick arms like a drum. Abe-senpai then introduces the gorilla.
"I will introduce you to her. She is Christie a Yuki-onna and also known as a Yeti (Female)."
[Look! A big monkey!] Ddraig says in a fake surprised tone before bursting out laughing.
"HOLY COW!" The sudden sight is so surprising you instinctively jump back and perform three rapid backward somersaults. You cross your arms in a 'X' form. "Sorry sempai but I have to stop you there! Or it's a Yuki-onna or it's a Yeti! It cannot be both at once! No, before that I am pretty sure Christie(?) is a Yeti!"
The gorilla who doesn't possess even an ounce of femininity has a pretty ribbon on its head. It's even more unforgivable!
Abe-sempai seems slightly mad. "Don't be silly Hyodo-kun! Yuki-onna is the correct Japanese term to use to call a Yeti (Female)."
"Lieeeeeesss!! I met a real Yuki-onna! She was a gentle girl who wore a pale azure yukata and a scarf! Her freezing breath is so powerful it turned everything she cook into an ice sculpture!"
Many miles away Tsurara Oikawa suddenly feels the urge to punch a jerk in the guts.
"That's also a Yuki-onna. But Christie is a splendid Yuki-onna too! This girl's mother was a very fine Yuki-onna that drove away groups of mountain climbers to protect the mountain!"
When did this dialogue turned so surreal?
Kii and Mii comes to your rescue by taking you aside to whisper conspiratorially. "We know Oikawa-san, so we wondered too." "So we asked around and found the answer."
"Which is?"
"Yeti aren't native to Japan." "They arrived there two hundred years ago." "So when common people first met them-" "They called them [Yuki no Hitobito] ('People of the Snow')."
Are gorilla so different from monkeys that the old japanese couldn't make the connection?!
"Males were called Yuki-otoko ('Snow Male')-" "While females were called Yuki-onna ('Snow Female')."
'Are you telling me that beauties like Tsurara-chan and abominations against nature like that female Yeti are called the same because the kanji for 'woman' and 'female' are pronounced the same?!
Don't fuck with meeeeeee!!!!'
"Oh my Christie, why are you looking at Hyodo-san with such ardent eyes?"
...What did you just heard?
Contacts (Abe Kiyome): O -> OO
====
"You look like someone sucked the life out of you." Mittelt remarks quite bluntly as she sits in front of you, Eiko doing the same to her left.
Once again cursing Suika for making you averse to alcohol you gulp down the rest of your glass of milk. "I had one of my teen phantasies destroyed because my ancestors couldn't bother to be more original when naming new stuff."
She hums, managing to convey with her gesture absolutely nothing.
"Also, a gorilla tried to get intimate with me."
She hums again. "Are we talking of a thuggish looking girl or-"
You slam the glass on the table. "I'm talking about the damn monkey."
"Really Master." Eiko opens her fan to cover her mouth. "Eiko has no intention of telling you on what you should focus your interest, nor what kind of people you should frequent as befitting of your status, but please direct your salacious urges on targets who meet even a modicum of minimal standards."
"There are so many things to tsukkomi in that sentence, I don't even know where to begin."
[Wow, you are
really tired.]
'Shut up Ddraig.'
"You can do that later." Mittelt takes out an iPhone (where did she get that?) and input a series of commands. "I send you a file. Read it."
Curious about what this is about you take out your own iPhone (what? You're rich, you can do it) and check your message list. Finding the file you open it. Uhm, it appears to be a very dense sche-
"...Mittelt." You begin slowly, unable to move away your gaze from the screen." "What, is this?"
"A complete schedule to manage your work, school, clan and harem made by me, Eiko and Rias-sempai." She says proudly, Eiko mimicking the pose. "It min-max everything, allowing you to advance all tasks without sacrifices. We even managed your dates: I am first because I'm the Alpha, Asia-chan is second, then we have Yang, Rias-sempai and Aika-chan. And if you read entry 36.7 you will find a list of future candidates, when and how is best to ask them out and-"
"Okay, stop." You lower your phone and stare right at her. "Look, I am grateful for this."
"As your First Mate, that's only natural for me."
You ignore her words. "But that was something I could do by myself!" What kind of Harem KIng can't manage his own Harem?
"Please." She waves you off. "Something so delicate requires a woman's touch."
You...may have severely underestimated the creature known as 'girls'.
[Whipped! So whipped!] Some of your male sempai chant before bursting out laughing, Ddraig joining them.
They are so going to pay one day. So much so.
====
Later, after
running away making a tactical retreat, you decide to finally funfill Sona's request, so that Rikuo-kun and his friends could visit Kuoh without complications.
And with you following them, since there is no telling what kind of rumors about you they will meet. You really hope those about a secret cult worshipping you are false!
"So, I need to find a foreign girl harassing the shops and cafes in the area, as well as just generally being violent." You say aloud. "Without a single clue that could help me to find her."
There is a pregnant pause, during which a kid on a tricycle moves next to you, picks his nose, tosses something away and resumes his ride.
"Yeah, I am not doing this alone."
Ten minutes later you are knocking on the hotel's room where Homura and the others are staying.
"Who is it?" Homura's voice asks.
"It's me, Hyodo."
"Prove it."
You stare at the door unamused. "You, Homura, are a fan of Sengoku Basara. You styled yourself after Date Masamune."
The door opens, revealing an almost pouting expression. "I'm not a fan of Sengoku Basara. I like it: there is a difference."
You can't help but notice how she doesn't deny the second accusation.
She stands aside and motions for you to enter. When you step inside, instead of a large and modern hotel's room, what greets you is a large and traditional wooden room resembling a dojo. There is a Kotatsu in the center, the walls covered by weapon racks and other items of dubious origin. Mirai, Haruka, Hikage and Yomi are sitting in front of a TV munching on sweets.
"Does the hotel know of your room's redesign?"
"Nope. Don't worry, bribing the maids didn't took much."
You worry instead!
"Ara ara. Welcome Hyodo-san." Haruka greets you. "What bring you to our humble abode?"
You cough to clear your throat. "I require your help, all of you. Consider this your first mission."
"Who needs to die?" Hikage asks, taking out a knife.
Down with the blade girl.
You are about to tell them when you phone ring. It's a message from Azazel, telling you that he's still waiting for you to come to his laboratory and test his new Robo-Maid.
'PS: This will not take long. Pinkie promise~'
To you it's a mystery how the Fallen Angels aren't already extinct with a leader like theirs.
Useless old men aside, if what Azazel said is true you can take a quick detour. And Homura said she wanted to go through Azazel's training too (poor girl doesn't know what is waiting for her, but who are you to destroy her illusions). And, if you are lucky (which you totally are), one of the Fallen's gadgets could even prove to be useful to find the mysterious foreign girl.
[] Accept Azazel's offer and go to his base with Homura and the others.
[] Decline Azazel's offer for now and do Sona's request with Homura and the others.
[] Write-in.
====
Summer.
This is my excuse.
