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How I Saved History (Fate/Grand Order SI)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Charles Flynn, Apr 22, 2020.

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  1. Darko

    Darko Experienced.

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    Rin would have been proud.

    Or pissed.

    The mind of a tsundere is not something mortals are meant to understand.
     
  2. Threadmarks: Chapter 123
    Charles Flynn

    Charles Flynn Not too sore, are you?

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    And so, with the previously neverending demand for more food supplies resolved through a literal miracle, life returns to normal, more or less.

    I set about my routine, summoning new Servants and placating the old, interspersed with more lessons from Medea and my own sessions of plotting out which Servants to include on away teams with me.

    Strategies form, albeit slowly, and, whenever we fire up the FATE system, I find myself silently praying that this time we'll get Fionn Mac Cumhaill.

    The prayer is never answered, unfortunately. A shame. I suppose that having him along with us would just be flat out too easy, though.

    We do get a few Servants, although they're... not exactly top-shelf.

    ---​

    "Oh. It's you. Splendid!" Hans Christian Anderson says as the light clears.

    "Good to see you again too, Caster," I reply with a smile. "If you're interested, we've archived a lot of lost texts over the course of the Singularities. Shakespeare's working on a play as well."

    "Hm. An interesting spread." Anderson notes with a smirk. "Did you set all that up to bribe me into not insulting you?"

    "No, we just happen to have similar interests. I wouldn't go through that much effort just on the off chance that I might summon an exceedingly weak Servant who thinks himself a wit," I reply, which gets him grinning.

    "Similar interests indeed. Very well, Master. I suppose I'll see what Chaldea has to offer." With that said, he heads off.

    I'm glad I summoned him, honestly. He and I have surprisingly similar senses of humor.

    ---​

    "Servant Assassin. True Name Fuuma Kotarou." The red-haired ninja bows. "I will serve you faithfully, my Master."

    "Glad to have you aboard," I say with my patented playing-nice-to-people smile. Honestly, maybe I would've thought having a ninja in my service would be cool before my time in Chaldea, but I've met the Hassans. Compared to them, a ninja is just... boring. And considerably less useful. "Please seek out Dr. Roman for your work assignment."

    ---​

    "Servant Caster, True Name Geronimo," the familiar warchief says. "It's good to see you again, Flynn."

    "Same here."

    "I will not trouble you overlong. Dr. Roman's office is where we get our work assignments?"

    "Yep."

    "Good. I hope that my presence will be of some use."

    ---​

    "Servant Archer, True Name Euryale," the lavender-haired child says. "But of course you knew that already."

    "I do indeed, Lady Euryale," I say with a smile that manages to look completely genuine.

    "Is your version of Asterios still here?" she asks hopefully before backpedaling. "I'm only asking because the idiot was a really comfortable seat, that's all."

    "Of course," I affirm, utterly deadpan. "He's here, as is your sister."

    "Stheno?"

    "No, Medusa." I manage to stifle my wince.

    "Very well, then. Take me to them."

    And so, the day's summonings come to a stop as I go to reunite a goddess with her loved ones. Asterios is easily found. Medusa, less so.

    Eventually, a snickering Fergus mac Roich points us in her direction.

    The few people in the halls give us curious looks as we go. I suppose Euryale riding on Asterios' shoulder is a bit of an unusual sight. But, soon, we're at the room Fergus told us Medusa was in. Fifth door on the left in Floor Three's first residential corridor.

    As Euryale tells Asterios to knock, a thought hits me. The residential rooms are assigned outwards. Medusa was summoned late, too late to be assigned a room in this particular corridor. Actually, wasn't this room already taken? I think on it for another second. Actually, yes, I do remember, now! This was one of the Chul Kids' rooms! Why would she be-

    Oh.

    Oh.

    Oh, no.

    "Kind of busy at the moment, go away!" Cu shouts from inside the room, clearly irritated. "Can this wait?"

    Euryale freezes, fury in her eyes.

    "Okay," I interject. "maybe we should-"

    "Asterios, break the door down."

    The unfortunate portal is smashed to bits by the Bull of Minos, revealing both Cu (can't tell which one, since I can only pick them apart by their clothes, and he's currently not wearing any) and Medusa, both bare as the day they were born and in a fairly compromising position. I avert my eyes, both out of politeness, and a desire not to witness the train wreck unfolding before me.

    "S-Sister?" Medusa asks, her voice squeaking as she pulls the sheets up to cover herself and Cu frantically, er… disengages himself. "Wh-When did you get here?"

    Euryale, for her part, stalks towards Cu, hissing like a teakettle. Finally, she comes to a stop right in front of him, an accusing finger poking him in the chest as he tries awkwardly to cover himself and pull his tights up at the same time. "How dare you!?"

    "Err... I'm sorry, I don't know you," Cu says, uncomfortably, covering his groin.

    "I am the goddess Euryale!" she announces angrily. "The flawless divinity whose sister you were just forcing yourself on!"

    "Um, Sister," Medusa interjects, her face as red as a tomato. "That's... not really what happened."

    "Quiet, Meduseless, you're not a part of this!"

    "I... sort of feel like I am, though," Medusa mumbles, looking down in embarrassment.

    "Look, kid," Cu says, uncomfortably. "Your older sister's a grown woman, she can make her own decisions. I'm sure it'll be the same for you once you've grown up." He glances between Medusa and me for support, and then tilts his head in confusion. "Wait, why are you guys looking at me like that?"

    "First, you force yourself on my little sister," Stheno seethes, her fists clenched and her face a mask of unabashed fury as she looks up at the poor, doomed fool. "And now you dare to insult my beauty? ASTERIOS! KILL HIM!"

    "Asterios, don't do that," I interrupt, stepping into the room. "And Lady Euryale, please calm yourself. Let's discuss this like rational adults, instead of just jumping straight to murdering your sister's boyfriend."

    "Boyfriend's pushing it," both Medusa and Cu say in unison.

    Euryale gives a wordless scream of fury.

    'Georgios, place yourself between them, and mediate this.' I order.

    "As our Master has commanded, we shall discuss this as rational adults," Georgios pronounces, materializing between Euryale and Cu, who's finally managed to get the bottom half of his jumpsuit back on.

    "You're supposed to be a saint! How can you condone this?" Euryale screeches.

    "Was this union consensual?" he asks Medusa, who nods. "Then I cannot protest it. I will, of course, be happy to conduct the marriage ceremony."

    "Marriage?" both Medusa and Euryale shriek, while the blood drains from Cu's face.

    This… may have been a mistake...

    ---​

    "Oh, thank God that's over," I mutter as I trudge back into the Summoning Room. "Two more spins, right Marjani? Just fire it up."

    The rings spin, and .. ooh, another Servant!

    "Yes, lowly Master of Chaldea! It is I, Gaius Caligula! I have returned to lead you to new heights, and bring ruin to your enemies!"

    Oh, no. Alright Charlie, power through the headache, come on, you can do this. We need to keep him out of the way until we can figure out how to control him properly. Wait, wait, yes! I've got it!

    "Worthy Emperor, Chaldea has languished in your absence!" I wail, hamming it up. "Even the greatest of heroes of yesteryear have faltered in the face of the enemy that plagues us!"

    "Tell me its name, good Master, that I may strike it down!"

    "We languish beneath a plague of snipes, Glorious One! Even the sharpest eyed of heroes cannot spot them, even if they stood in the third-floor storage closet in which the foul beasts make their home! Only you can find them, although I don't doubt it will take some time, and save us all, o third and greatest of the Dioscuri triplets!"

    "It shall be done!" Caligula bellows, dashing out the door.

    I sigh in relief. "All right, Marjani, fire it up one last time, and then I'm off to get some aspirin."

    The rings spin, and... "Yes! You have summoned me, the fearless Jaguarman!" the cat-suited weirdo shouts from atop the platform. "Just remember, I'm not a tiger! I'm a jaguar!"

    "Neat. Any interest in being a janitor?" I ask, massaging my temples.

    "No way, Jose! I'm too important for that!" the woman in a fucking catsuit says. "Give me a big job, like field commander!"

    "I'm field commander," I say, feeling my irritation rise.

    "Well, are you doing it well?" she asks.

    Okay, that is fucking it. "Actually, we only have two positions available for you: Janitor, or fur rug. May I ask which opening you wish to fill, so we can get you started right away?"

    "Janitor!" Jaguarman squeaks, face deathly pale. "Definitely janitor!"

    "Excellent! Roman will give you the rundown, and I'll expect the stains in the hallway to have been cleaned by tomorrow morning. Well then, off you go!" And with that said, I head off in search of aspirin.
     
  3. Reality_Impact

    Reality_Impact Abyssal Lurker

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    YES, FINALLY IT'S THE GOODEST BOY

    AHAHAHAHAHA
    Chaos has arrived in yout Chaldea Charlie, and it's name is Jaguar Warrior.
     
  4. Limbo

    Limbo Doing things the Drukhari way since 1999

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    Man, this seems like a fun opportunity to screw with him. Hell, all of the Cu's if you look at it like that. Tease Medusa as well for her new Harem of strapping young lads.
     
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  5. Delta Green

    Delta Green Know what you're doing yet?

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    ... I am in AWE of Cu's sheer sexual mojo. Medusa? He managed to seduce MEDUSA?!

    WOW.

    Also, The Emperor Georgios is starting to flex his new phenomenal psychic powers teleportation abilities, seeing as while Flynn gave the order to mediate... he didn't use a Command Spell for it.

    And he discovered the necessity of subtle trolling when you're the most powerful man to ever exist a saint.
     
  6. Charles Flynn

    Charles Flynn Not too sore, are you?

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    He was already there in astral form as Charlie's bodyguard. Along with Cursed Arm and Benkei (Cu gave him his shift, for obvious reasons.)
     
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  7. Delta Green

    Delta Green Know what you're doing yet?

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    Must you destroy the subtle (as the Imperial Guard) current of doubt I was sowing that it may indeed be Georgios turning ever more into the Emperor?

    Curses.
     
  8. Darko

    Darko Experienced.

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    So Fergus isn't enough of a worry of the ladies of Chaldea complaining about sexual harassment, now you gotta bring in Peeping McGee in it for charges of voyeurism.

    In the words of a significant number of the fanbase:

    Oh, yes.

    Two of the most attractive Servants in the franchise finally doing it.

    Is George just screwing with them, in a non sexual way of course, or is he serious?

    If they summon Arjuna, or any of the other Pandavas, then the Cu's can get tips from them on how to share one woman, seeing as they were all married to the same woman themselves.
     
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  9. caprica12

    caprica12 Getting out there.

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    They are going to be goblins together, and it's going to be beautiful.


    Nice to see you again.


    You too! It's great to have you here!


    Oh that is just too cute.


    Oh yes. And also, hot damm!


    Peak commedy. Also, I agree with Drako, we should have Arjuna giving marriage advice and we have one season worth of a sit-com.


    I love Taiga, but I guess Charles has got a sixth sense on how strong a Servant is, because I can't imagining him strong-harming a Servant otherwise. Or maybe the catsuit was incredibly good at making him lost respect on this one pretty much immediately.
     
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  10. nick012000

    nick012000 Experienced.

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    Does Jaguarman have any of Taiga's memories? Given that she's a high school teacher, she's got a university education, and that makes her more educated than like 90% of Servants at least.
     
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  11. Darko

    Darko Experienced.

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    True, but that education may not be all that useful in helping Chaldea.

    They already have highly intelligent individuals, like Caesar and Da Vinci, to run things.

    She's certainly better educated, but probably not as intelligent as some of them.
     
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  12. Charles Flynn

    Charles Flynn Not too sore, are you?

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    Voyeur he may be, Fionn Mac Cumhaill is still quite possibly the ultimate force multiplier, simply by providing perfectly accurate intel, and an unlimited supply thereof. If Charlie had him as a Servant, he would steamroll the Singularities.

    And yes, Georgios is just trolling them.
     
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  13. Darko

    Darko Experienced.

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    So he's not going to get him because of his bullshit power.

    He should at least get EMIYA for the best food in the world.

    Ahh, I wanted him to admonish Cu for not marrying Medusa.
     
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  14. Charles Flynn

    Charles Flynn Not too sore, are you?

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    She's a high-school English teacher. Seeing as there aren't any kids except Mash left alive, and everyone in Chaldea already speaks English, her particular education isn't all that useful here. Beyond that, though, she managed to push Charlie to the point where he snapped and decided, "Fuck it, I don't even care if this one kills me, I am one hundred and ten percent done with catering to these dead egotists' narcissism."

    Fortunately for him, Jaguarman is a bit of a pushover when faced with a sufficiently intimidating employer. Thus, Chaldea's new janitor is an Aztec war god fueled by blood sacrifice, and a servant of the Jaguar Lord Tezcatlipoca.
     
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  15. Darko

    Darko Experienced.

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    Charlie can at least now tell his friends and family about the time he intimidated a war god.

    And no one will believe him.

    That's a sentence I'd never thought I'd hear, but I am not all that surprised to hear it.

    Hope she doesn't have some of her Lords bad habits.

    Seriously the guy seemed to like screwing with people just for the sake of screwing with people.



    What are the chances of Charlie having Vlad help Jaguar Man fuel up with some application of his murder stakes on a bunch of people?
     
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  16. Charles Flynn

    Charles Flynn Not too sore, are you?

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    About zero, all things considered. Even if Charlie could be talked into aiding and abetting blood sacrifice (a difficult prospect,) he'd still have to persuade Vlad . Mr. Jesus-is-our-one-true-Lord-accept-no-substitutes wouldn't exactly be keen on human sacrifice to fuel a pagan deity.
     
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  17. Darko

    Darko Experienced.

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    Charlie can do some morally dubious things, and Medea may be willing to perform some sacrificial rituals.
     
  18. Charles Flynn

    Charles Flynn Not too sore, are you?

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    Only if it serves the greater good, in Charlie's case. Jaguarman's not trustworthy or powerful enough in his eyes to justify crossing that many moral boundaries just to strengthen her.
     
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  19. Darko

    Darko Experienced.

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    Well if they encounter Tiamat, I'm fairly certain Charlie will cross some boundaries to stop that thing.
     
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  20. nick012000

    nick012000 Experienced.

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    She'd still have knowledge of things like pedagogy and classroom management, even if her subject matter knowledge might not be terribly useful. She might be decent at teaching archery and swordplay, for instance.
     
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  21. caprica12

    caprica12 Getting out there.

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    Oh, that's right, I fully expect the fight with Tiamat to be even more brutal that the canon one, without the impossibly nice Ritsuka to ease the way into that one. Not that being a Good Kid served much against a Beast.
     
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  22. Threadmarks: Chapter 124
    Charles Flynn

    Charles Flynn Not too sore, are you?

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    Three weeks since America, including the week from Hell.

    Honestly, I'm surprised it took this long for Roman to call a staff meeting.

    "All right, everybody, thank you for coming," he says, walking into the room. "We have two major issues that need to be addressed here."

    "I agree," Tom says, standing up. "And I say we discuss the Vlad situation first."

    "Ah. That." I do my best not to shift uncomfortably. "I'm... aware of the issue."

    "Are you?" Tom asks irritably. "He's been utterly deranged ever since you got back from that Stratford Singularity, especially with his new delusion that he's Santa Claus!"

    "Yes… that would be awfully hard to miss." Ever since we got back, he refused to take his bloodstained Santa hat off. He also keeps insisting we call him Santa.

    "Indeed," Roman interjects uncomfortably. "But, well... he's getting out of hand. He keeps asking people to sit on his lap and tell him if they've been good this year, and that's not even counting how he's loudly been announcing his plans to start impaling naughty children on stakes in order to inspire good behavior, instead of just handing out coal."

    "Believe or not, I'm actually already on top of this one," I assure them with a grin. "Caesar and I are drafting out plans on how to save Christmas at the moment, we'll begin implementation in October."

    "October?" Roman repeats with a raised eyebrow.

    "Set up time is essential, Roman."

    "Fine. Onto the next major issue: We've found the next Singularity."

    "Alright!" I cheer.

    "It's in Jerusalem."

    "Always wanted to visit."

    "And for some reason, it registers to our scanners as being utterly divorced from the normal Human Order."

    "That's... less good."

    "Can you get a team ready?"

    "Sure. I've got a duty roster picked out." One complete with actual melee fighters.

    "Good. We'll Rayshift you in tomorrow morning at eight."

    "More than enough time," I say with a grin. "What year?"

    "1273."

    "Ah. The Crusades. Not exactly a time period I wanted to visit, but, if I must." I get up to go. "Anything else?"

    "Not really."

    "Then I'm off."

    ---​

    The team is assembled: Cursed Arm, Georgios, Siegfried, Vlad, Billy, and Medea. Strong melee and ranged options, combined with a reliable stealth killer. Not as reliable as Serenity, but she's enough of a double-edged sword that I'd rather keep her in reserve.

    "Alright, people. Let's go take Jerusalem." I grin. "Always wanted to say that. But no, let's just go save history instead."

    "Sure thing, boss!" Da Vinci says from beside the Coffins.

    "Wait, what are you doing here? You almost never send us off."

    "I'm going with you!"

    "LIKE HELL YOU ARE!" I snap. "You're the primary repairman for all of Chaldea. We quite literally cannot afford to lose you!"

    "The same could be said of you, Mister Last Master."

    "Trust me, if I could end Singularities by deploying Servants remotely, I would. You, on the other hand, don't need to stupidly risk your life!" I want a hot shower, dammit!

    "And here I thought you'd be happy to have one of the people who've been tossing you into danger join you in the field," she says with a pout.

    "On an emotional level, maybe that'd be appreciated. But I'm also not an idiot. You're a Caster. You work best on your home turf. Sending you out of said home turf is just a complete and utter waste, for no greater purpose than fulfilling your desire for cheap thrills." Okay, wow, might've been a little too harsh there.

    She glares at me. "I'm going, or I turn your room's electricity off."

    "Fine." Right. "Caster spot's filled. Teacher? You okay to sit this one out?"

    "That's actually to my liking," Medea says with a small smile. "I'm rather tired of fieldwork, I must admit." She fixes me with a stern glare. "But, if you need me, don't hesitate to call me in. Understood, Apprentice?"

    "Clear as crystal." I grin. "Alright, let's see... How about Cu? He's got speed and incredible combat prowess."

    "Fine," Roman says from up at the console. "As long as he can get here quickly. We've already delayed quite a bit."

    'Cu, get to the Rayshift Room. You're on the away team,' I send to Cu (Spandex Lancer.)

    Once he's arrived, we file into the Klein Coffins, and the Rayshift's light bears us away.
     
  23. Darko

    Darko Experienced.

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    Managing a classroom and Chaldea can be extremely different.

    The Servants also are extremely skillful warriors that they don't need further training.

    Though maybe the ordinary staff could benefit from some training.
     
  24. caprica12

    caprica12 Getting out there.

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    This doesn't sound canon. Is this canon? DA VINCI WHAT ARE YOU DOING.

    Also, Camelot Singularity is here, baby! Mess me up with post-apocaliptic war crimes and political drama.
     
  25. Darko

    Darko Experienced.

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    So he's basically become the Santa from Futurama, but more fleshy, well, ghostly.

    Vlad: You have all been very, very naughty. Except for you Mash.

    Can't wait to see your plan Charlie boy.

    The first time you insulted Cursed Arm, despite everything he did for you, wasn't enough you damn BASTARD!?
     
  26. Charles Flynn

    Charles Flynn Not too sore, are you?

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    Cursed Arm is an incredibly professional individual whose Noble Phantasm synergizes remarkably well with Charlie's general strategies. It's just that his Zabaniya has... a few weaknesses: it can't work against demonic spirits, and it can be thwarted by high enough Mana, Luck, or Magic Resistance. Consequently, against many Servants, it's a bit of a crapshoot. Serenity's Zabaniya, on the other hand, doesn't have the same limitations, and can be applied indirectly, as seen with Cu Alter and the poisoned cookies. This is an absolute godsend, because it means that you haven't tipped your hand with the ominous, skull-masked Assassin standing directly behind your target if the assassination attempt fails.

    On the flip side, Cursed Arm's Zabaniya has one major advantage over Serenity's: He can't accidentally kill his own allies with it. Thus, why Charlie brings him along to meet his general assassination needs, and only really brings in Serenity for specifically planned-out assassinations.
     
  27. Limbo

    Limbo Doing things the Drukhari way since 1999

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    It's cannon. Da Vinci goes with MC-kun to Camelot.
     
  28. Potates

    Potates Are ya ready kids?!

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    Knights of the Round Table: You're unpure, time to die.
    Diozy: My head ended upon the floor again?! MUDA MUDA!
    Gramps: Though art annoying. Hand over thy head.
    Bedivere: Wanna hear my sad backstory?
    Flynn: ...I was not prepared for this.
     
  29. Threadmarks: Chapter 125
    Charles Flynn

    Charles Flynn Not too sore, are you?

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    "Y'know, I think I'd remember the Promised Land of Israel being a fucking desert," I note drily as I look out over the drifting sand dunes. All the Servants who could astralized fifteen minutes into our trek, leaving me with only Da Vinci and Galahad for company. "Da Vinci, are you sure the Rayshift dropped us in the right place?"

    "Yes!" she snaps irritably, still checking her scanner. "And I'll thank you to stop questioning my work! And like I've been saying for the past hour, repeating the question every five minutes won't change the answer!"

    "Well, not like there's much else to do, what with us having been left walking for hours over these lovely sand dunes in search of water that, in spite of your repeated assurances that it's in the direction we're walking, has thus far failed to appear!"

    "Genius takes time! And besides, maybe this desert's very existence is a result of the Singularity's abnormal nature! Ever think of that, smart guy?"

    "I'm with Flynn on this one," Galahad chimes in, joining in what has swiftly became our favorite pastime over the last hour of hiking through the goddamn desert: Bitching at Da Vinci. "The Rayshift team probably just screwed up the Rayshift and dumped us into an endless desert to die. It's actually a forgivable mistake! After all, it's not like they had a genius on hand to spot any errors! Because she decided that technical support was beneath her and tagged along to the front line!"

    "You two really aren't letting that go, are you?" Da Vinci asks, her brow twitching irritably.

    "Da Vinci, I have sand in my leotard, and every last piece of my armor is currently hot enough to fry an egg on. Flynn is as red as a lobster right now, and looks like he's about to flat-out die of heatstroke. I believe I speak for the both of us when I say that we are taking this particular grudge to our graves."

    "Okay, seriously, is it really that bad?" Da Vinci asks plaintively. "Haven't I been your wonderfully supportive and helpful Da Vinci-chan most of the time? Can't you find it in your hearts to forgive me this one mistake?"

    "One mistake?" I ask with a raised eyebrow. "You still haven't finished the piping because you got distracted halfway through and started building a submarine."

    "I put in a request through Mash for you to find a way to make my armor cover my midriff three months ago," Galahad says, glaring at our guide. "You refused point blank because, and I quote, 'Your outfit is way cuter that way!'"

    "But it is!"

    "I could be eviscerated, Da Vinci!" Galahad snaps. "And beyond that, I don't want to look cute! I'm a man! Bad enough having to operate in a teenaged girl's body, having to be dressed like a stripper while I do so is just adding insult to injury!"

    "You just can't appreciate my genius," Da Vinci says with a pout.

    "No," I correct. "We do appreciate your genius. It's the only reason we put up with your personality."

    Her jaw drops, and she looks to be winding up for a counterargument, when Georgios de-astralizes between us. "Okay, that's enough! I didn't want to leave astral form, but you lot have left me absolutely no choice in the matter. Now, we are going to spend the next five minutes in silence. Understood?"

    "But-"

    "SILENCE!"

    "Yes, Saint Georgios," I mumble, feeling like a little kid.

    We continue to walk on in silence.

    Da Vinci is the first one to break it. "So, how'd you know about the submarine?"

    "Hundred Face."

    "I knew it! I told Roman you were using them as a spy network!"

    "No- Well, yes, I actually am doing that, but that's not what I was talking about," I point at the band of skull-masked figures in black making their way over the dunes ahead of us.

    "Oh!" Da Vinci smirks. "I told you that we're in the right Singularity!"

    "Don't count your horses just yet," I mutter, and we get into position, and wait for the black clad mob to reach us.

    ---​

    "Hassan-I-Sabbah of the Hundred Faces!" I call in greeting when they finally get into earshot. "May I ask what brings one of your rank and order into this desert?"

    "Knowing my name will not leave me more well-inclined to you, toady of Ozymandias!" one of the personalities, the one carry a lumpy sack over one shoulder, shouts at me.

    "I am no servant of Ozymandias," I assure her, already trying to parse out just which pharaoh she's referring to, there. They really enjoyed recycling that particular title. "I am the Master of Chaldea, and simply wish to know the lay of the land."

    "A likely story," another of the personas sneers.

    "I do have a character witness," I say mildly. 'Cursed Arm?'

    He materializes beside me, leaving the various Hundred Faces reeling.

    "Okay," the group's spokeswoman says after a brief deliberation. "I suppose it's possible that you're telling the truth."

    "Thank you. Now, may I ask for an explanation as to this Singularity's condition?"

    "Look, we can't talk right now!" the spokeswoman snaps. "We have to hurry, or-"

    A flight of sphinxes catches up with them, and the Hundred Face collective chucks the sack at me and books it, leaving me to sort out this mess.

    Once the monsters are dealt with, we turn our attention to the sack, whose contents turn out to be a woman.

    "Flynn, we must aid her in returning to her home," Galahad says, dead serious.

    "This feels slightly mission non-critical," I point out.

    "Flynn, she is a damsel in distress. I can't just turn my back on her, it'd be unchivalrous."

    "I dunno, she looks pretty peaceful sleeping, maybe she's fine with this, and can take care of herself."

    "She was in a sack, Flynn, that is a very distressing circumstance to be in."

    "Well, I mean, can you say from personal experience that being chucked in a sack and dragged off is unpleasant?" I ask, desperate not to delay the mission.

    "Flynn." He gives me a look.

    "Alright, stupid question. Are you sure she counts as a damsel?"

    "Yes. Age and experience matter not. What does matter is that she is alone and helpless, and we can help her. What purpose does power serve, if not to help the helpless?"

    "All right, fine, we can save her."

    ---​

    When Sack Girl comes to, she propped up against a rock, with Galahad kneeling before her.

    "Uh-huh-wha?" she yelps, seeming to become a great deal more awake all of the sudden. "What's going on? This isn't my room!"

    "My lady, are you unharmed?" Galahad asks, his face a perfect mask of polite concern, complete with a small, charming smile. "We rescued you from the varlets that had taken you. Do you know where you are? Do you require any assistance whatsoever in returning to your home?"

    "Aren't we jumping to conclusions, here? Are we entirely sure that this wasn't a result of perfectly justifiable motives?" I ask from behind him. "I mean, who knows, maybe she drowns puppies for fun, or something."

    "I most certainly do not!" she snaps, her face flush with anger as she hops to her feet. "Now who are you people and what are you doing here?"

    "We're Chaldea's away team, here to save human history," I say, my face dispassionate. Unlike Galahad, I'm not exactly keen on trusting Sack Girl at the drop of a hat. "Is that an issue?"

    "You-I-" she flushes again. "You stand in the presence of the pharaoh Nitocris, peasant! You are permitted to bow, and offer up your thanks that I have chosen to grace you with my existence."

    Right. She wants flattery? I'll give her flattery. "Most radiant one, whose will charts the rise of the sun and the flooding of the Nile, your most humble servant is pleased beyond what words can hope to describe to have not only been graced with the privilege of your incomparable existence, but also that you have chosen to appear before him. Indeed, the tale of your unimaginable beneficence shall be passed down to his children, and his children's children, and their children after that, that generations to come might know of their god-queen's benevolence."

    Everyone stares at me for a second after I finish that spiel. Nitocris in particular looks about as flushed as I do, although I at least have the excuse of sunburn.

    "V-Very well, peasant. I suppose, in the face of such just and judicious praise, and your honesty in acknowledging my magnificence, I will take your claims of having aided me as the truth. Come! I shall guide you to the temple of my Pharaoh, that you may be rewarded for your deeds."

    "This humble one requires no reward, Pharaoh. The gift of your existence is already more than he deserves."

    "You deserve what your pharaoh says you deserve!" Nitocris snaps. "Now come along."

    'I had that,' Galahad grumbles over the mental link.

    I start to follow Nitocris, but... why is everything spinning?

    The last thought to cross my mind before I hit the sand is that Galahad might've had a point about the heatstroke.
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2020
  30. Darko

    Darko Experienced.

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    Lots of places are shittier than the advertisements say they are.

    I mean, people want to go to the old Wild West, but as Seth Macfarlene showed it's a shitty place.



    Quite literary in some cases.



    Galahad you really need to drop that toxic masculinity, many men are held back by it.

    Just ask this guy:



    Like Spartacus said, the worst type of oppression is the one you inflict on yourself.

    Like Tony Stark and the rest of the Avengers.

    Compared to him you are a little kid.

    Why do I get the feeling that this will be an important Deus Ex Machina sometime in the future?

    My bullshit meter is going haywire right now.

    Quickly, everyone evacuate before it blows!

    The kiss of a beautiful woman shall wake him up.

    And they have Nitocris with them so a kiss from her should do it.

    She is a beautiful woman, who has animal ears for...reasons.

    So any chance of Nero and Nitocris competing for Flynn's affections if they are both summoned in Chaldea?
     
    KenNM, Anjels, Illariai and 2 others like this.
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