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SHINOBI: The RPG - New Game

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Fulcon, Jun 17, 2020.

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  1. MasterMarx

    MasterMarx The Most Ridiculous Boss

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    Sounds a lot easier to write about, since generally Hunter Nin don't have the time to interrogate their targets unless they were specifically assigned a retrieval mission instead of their usual search & destroy (as in, kill the target and annihilate the corpse) fare.
     
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  2. aj0413

    aj0413 Fluffy~~

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    I still fail to understand how Anko remotely finds Daisuke physically attractive or relationship material; I actually wonder if she's in a healthy mindset at all really given the allusions to failed past relationships.

    I kinda wonder if others looking at this in the setting don't think anything strange of it?

    I keep flipping the genders in my head and going: "Well, that would be one way to quickly ignite a flame war on the inter webs. If people thought the last chapter was at all worth debating."

    edit:

    I am partially convinced that the entire relationship is only happening because Anko is fundamentally NOT all there.
     
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  3. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Definitely easier to write about.

    I considered Anko to be a pretty...disgusting character because of fanon, something I intensely regret.

    Then I do not believe I can convince you. Sorry.
     
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  4. aj0413

    aj0413 Fluffy~~

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    It's cool lol I don't need to exactly understand Ankos shota-fetish to enjoy the ride :)

    edit:

    still find the lack of audience fallout over it ironic given the last chapter reactions though lmao
     
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  5. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Cool beans.
     
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  6. MasterMarx

    MasterMarx The Most Ridiculous Boss

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    Oh, yeah, I'm well aware of the ways pervasive fanon can distort canon characters and concepts. I could probably go all day... probably shouldn't, though. In the meantime I'll buckle in for what promises to be an interesting ride exploring Anko's character and relationship with Daisuke and... whoever else they end up close to.
     
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  7. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    I believe the people who thought last chapter was bad dropped the fic when I didn't immediately change it.

    It just confuses me, honestly. How can so many people be so wrong?

    I hope it's good and entertaining.
     
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  8. MasterMarx

    MasterMarx The Most Ridiculous Boss

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    The interesting thing is that the main reason depends on the fandom- though in the case of Naruto it's probably just people not actually reading the source material before fanfics and assuming the fanfics are correct.
    In some cases, it's a combination of a lack of translated Word of God material, said author being a fuckin' troll and also some fanfics putting up interesting ideas, as is the case with the Nasuverse and oh god is the state of that fandom horrible in the West. Most fanfics you'll read will undoubtedly portray about half of the major concepts or more completely incorrectly because they both believe the fanfics are correct and have no reliable way to fact-check. It took me literal months to fully separate fact from fanfiction when I started trying, and even then I had to luck into finding some translations on SB- a couple are linked in my sig.
     
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  9. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    That...that makes sense. Language barrier can be insurmountable without effective translators and waiting for those translators can be too long for some zealous authors.

    *whistles*

    A trolling creator is not something that I would have anticipated. Not going to lie.
     
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  10. anirocks

    anirocks always lurking

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    Yeah it's had me strike as weird as well. Especially since anko has trust issues due to orochimaru's betrayal
    Hidan is it you
     
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  11. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Ooh, you're right! I can use this, thank you. :)

    No, but Hidan has an association with this character. :)
     
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  12. MasterMarx

    MasterMarx The Most Ridiculous Boss

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    It's either that or one person comes up with an interesting AU idea, and then someone reads the fanfic and misses the fact that it's an AU, writes a fanfic with some of the ideas and it kind of permeates from there.
    Oh god, I could go all day. That's not even getting into- no, no, gotta stop there. Wrong thread.
     
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  13. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Like a twisted form of the telephone game. I wish I could watch that sort of thing happen in real time, that kind of data would be amazing to see.

    Shoot me a PM if you care.
     
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  14. Relyt33

    Relyt33 Getting sticky.

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    No that’s Jashin. Hidan’s god
     
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  15. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Have a cookie, you've got a good memory! :D
     
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  16. MasterMarx

    MasterMarx The Most Ridiculous Boss

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    Nah, I just needed a sec to calm down- it's all good. Thanks for the offer, though
     
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  17. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Well, since I got you here, did you like anything else about the chapter? Anything to say about the previous chapter and it's...edit?
     
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  18. Danga

    Danga Free bird

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    I think that this a great story but I won't be the biggest fan of harem as it kills muh immersion but I hope to see more.
     
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  19. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    I can respect that position. Thank you for remaining along.
     
  20. MasterMarx

    MasterMarx The Most Ridiculous Boss

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    Anko considering the potential tea sets and how they'd symbolically represent her relationship with Daisuke was... really interesting, and I liked it a lot. It added a lot of passive depth to her character, and let us deeper into her thought process alongside her consideration of recent events.

    In terms of Retrieval... hm. The edited bit was a nice touch, and the last line of the changes made me laugh. But, uh, the rest of the chapter felt pretty clunky and ham-fisted on a reread; and in retrospect, the arc felt a bit too abbreviated compared to how well-fleshed-out the house was in the same number of chapters... which admittedly contributes to my feeling that the latter two thirds of Retrieval felt off.

    I'm having a bit of trouble putting it into words, sorry.
     
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  21. Relyt33

    Relyt33 Getting sticky.

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    You know I’m reminded of a post that I’ve saved a while back, can’t remember where I got it from, but I’m pretty sure it’s accurate, or at least not derailing here.
    I mean it’s the reason you don’t see a lot of Lord of the Rings fics they’re pretty much open and close there.
     
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  22. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    I'm glad you said so.

    Thank you very much for your critique, I will consider it.

    Think bringing Team 9 along really messed with me. Because while I knew what I wanted to do with Lee and Gai...I did not know what to do with Neji and Tenten.

    I think some extra changes are in order.

    Have a cookie.

    I appreciate the information! This is interesting, thank you. :)
     
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  23. MasterMarx

    MasterMarx The Most Ridiculous Boss

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    In the vein of that, Team 9 as a whole felt pretty... tertiary to the reveal scene in particular. Like they weren't supposed to be there, except for Gai to accidentally set up Sarutobi completely destroying Hisako's heart in the next scene.

    Also, on the topic of Sarutobi, that exact conversation felt like it should've happened... maybe after they actually made it back to the village? They were at a point in time where Saru'd be more focused on the security of the Leaf and Hiashi'd be more focused on the security of his clan than... basically trying to curry favor with Daisuke. I was expecting a scene more along the lines of Saru and Hiashi inspecting the box's sealwork and reading any documents that'd survived Daisuke's fight with the missing nin, while also conversing with the ninja who'd foiled the kidnapping attempt about the kidnapping attempt.
     
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  24. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Yes, I agree. This is all true.

    ...again, I appreciate the feedback.

    *grumbles*: I hate Team 9.
     
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  25. MasterMarx

    MasterMarx The Most Ridiculous Boss

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    snerks Uh, to be honest it seems more like you had a very clear picture of where you wanted to be at the end of this arc, but kind of ended up speedrunning it to get there instead of fleshing everything out.
     
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  26. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    As the guy writing the fic, I had no idea what to do with Tenten and Neji was fuzzy but I had no clear route in my head about how to handle him.
     
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  27. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

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    Fair, but hey, eating your greens is how you get to Kitsune hype, and the midgame. And you did do a reasonable job of them compared to canon.

    Gai is excellent life giver, Lee is best cinnamon roll, early Neji is a rancid dick pickle being set up to fall to Naruto taking Daisuke's sloppy seconds, and Ten-Ten actually has some measure of purpose being support for Hisako.

    Everyone is equivalent or better quality to their canon portrayals.
     
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  28. MasterMarx

    MasterMarx The Most Ridiculous Boss

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    That's as good a reason to hate writing Team 9 as any I suppose, but I was being honest when I said it felt like you were speedrunning the arc. Reading back through, it's as if you had two goals in mind: "Get Daisuke's RPG-ness revealed" and "get the harem idea out in the open and a source of conflict with Hisako", and didn't quite care how you got there as long as it was by the end of the quest.
    I agree with this, you did write the characters themselves well.
     
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  29. SebazuD

    SebazuD Versed in the lewd.

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    I liked Anko's bit.
    Anyone who has ever read a ton of fanfiction in their youth can sympatize with Fanmade content twisting their perspective on characters.

    I mean, just remember how many people though PerfectLionhart was actually a good writer.


    To be honest the biggest peeve with this story at the moment is having made Naruto into someone who doesnt really train because he doesnt see Daisuke train.

    It kind of takes a really important part of his character for a really nonsensical reason.
     
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  30. Relyt33

    Relyt33 Getting sticky.

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    Thank you. *Takes cookie. Eats it.* Hhhhmmmmm digital triple chocolate deliciousness. I can taste the 1s and 0s. Also no problem with the information. I’ve been meaning to share that for a while, but I just couldn’t find a good reason to share it until now.
     
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