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The Only Winning Move Is Overwhelming Firepower [PA Multicross SI]

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by TCGM, Oct 7, 2018.

  1. Calamity

    Calamity Getting sticky.

    Apr 27, 2014
    Likes Received:
    Cracky without being dumb. That's rare.

    Good job, looking forward to more!
    TCGM likes this.
  2. Masterjaxx

    Masterjaxx Not too sore, are you?

    May 16, 2013
    Likes Received:
    I was almost expecting it to be this guy.

    Rikallyn, TCGM, zebrin and 1 other person like this.
  3. zebrin

    zebrin Chopping trees down, and making elves cry.

    Jun 4, 2018
    Likes Received:
    The crack is goooooood shit....
    Buzzing towers with gods damned danger zone playing...
    TCGM likes this.
  4. TCGM

    TCGM (Unverified God/Space Snek)

    Jan 30, 2018
    Likes Received:
    I write pseudo-crack. Basically, cracky worlds, but the characters are (mostly) serious. Usually. About a lot of things. Sometimes!

    Trolling villains like a cat with a new toy is always a valid use of any powers :p



    Thanks! I know and try my best to make my crack be as serious as you can make crack. Sometimes it cracks me up, though.

    Well you're about to have it!

    Who says it's not that guy

    The only way you should ever buzz control towers as a sapient Clarketech war machine!
    Desdiv_Eight and kaazmiz like this.
  5. Threadmarks: Chapter 7 - Unreasonable Demands

    TCGM (Unverified God/Space Snek)

    Jan 30, 2018
    Likes Received:
    The Only Winning Move Is Overwhelming Firepower
    Chapter 7
    Unreasonable Demands




    ...Okay, now that I’ve said my piece, I need to actually figure out for sure whether Writer Me plopped me into fucking Abridged.

    And don’t you dare get upset, Writer Me. You started this. You put me here. You presumably put SAO Abridged in the roll list.

    You take everything I think about you and shut up.

    Or rather, don’t, since I’m pretty sure that would end up putting my existence on pause… but the point stands!

    And yeah, this world isn't even in the top 100 list of horrible worlds I could've been sent to. I shouldn't be this mad.

    But Abridged means I have to deal with smartass Kirito.

    I'm. Mad.

    And if this is that world, and he makes his Foundation… this planet will learn that I am just as capable of orbital bombardment as I am trolling.

    Alright. Let’s see here. Is Argus, the company that Kayaba owns and runs, that owns and created NerveGear and SAO, owned by Bethesda?

    I almost slam into a building as I stop focusing on flying straight, such is my sigh of disgust.

    Yes. Yes. It. Is.

    The abomination of code I exorcised from Cardinal makes a lot more sense now.

    Of course, it still isn’t certain. Writer Me might be going for some kind of blended, OC world somewhere between SAO and Abridged. Whether he’s doing it to exercise our worldbuilding skill, to explicitly troll me, or a combination of the two, is irrelevant. I’ll need more evidence than I can find in the real world to find out which direction I went with this universe.

    Which means hacking into SAO and being there when shit goes down as it will. I also will need to limit my involvement with the timeline before I get a confirmation.

    Heh, yeah. That ship has sailed. Past several Air Traffic Control Towers at Mach 3.

    Which means I just have to limit myself from now on, up until tomorrow when SAO launches.

    Wait. Shit. Or is it shit? Morally it’s good but temporally it’s oh so bad.

    I destroyed the code Cardinal uses, or would have used in the near future, to trigger every player’s NerveGear to melt their brains via the microwave transmitters.

    Right. So.

    I just have to make it look like they’re dying.

    ...Aaaaand, that is gonna be piss easy! Because I don’t actually have to make it look like anyone is dying to anyone else except Kayaba!

    Tricking one dude is infinitely easier than, I don’t know, trying to find every single potential SAO player and putting nanites in their heads to knock them out and fake that their brains have been cooked to anyone who observes.

    Which I will forever deny was my first idea.

    I direct myself towards the Argus HQ and engage my stealth module. Pinpoint accurate sensor systems map out my opposite side for all the nanites that make up my skin, then direct active coloration changes to accomplish a vastly superior version of the hologram tech a certain cinematic universe’s SHIELD uses to hide their shit.

    You would have to literally hit me to see me now.

    ...On second thought, that is far more likely a possibility than I like. Mental note; figure out shielding beyond electromagnetic deflection ASAP.

    The skyline of future Japan is beautiful. Towers of steel, glass, concrete, and what has to be a PCMR architect’s idea of a joke (that much RGB should be illegal) rise to pierce the clouds. There's also a surprisingly dense amount of foliage and quite a few new buildings that lean far more towards Solarpunk than I expected.

    Seems this world's Japan took the Paris Accords a lot more seriously them my own. And that's saying something, given my world's Japan.

    Then again I'm American. What the hell do I know, really, about other countries? Only what I could find out through the net and not so subtle interrogation of natives.

    At least the orange cheeto never got into the White House in this timeline.

    “Pshaw,” I mutter at my own woolgathering.

    Waiting for business meetings to end is so boring I'm going down the rabbit hole of cross universe politics.

    “ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MINDS?!” Kayaba's scream manages to breach out from the conference room behind me and through two very solid doors. “A NEW SYSTEM? AT THIS HOUR?! WE'RE JUST ABOUT TO LAUNCH YOU MISERABLE, UNGRATEFUL SONS OF-”

    It just goes downhill from there.

    Yep. You read that correctly.

    SAO is supposed to open to non beta players and reset the world in just under an hour.

    And a couple of Bethesda higher ups showed up at Argue, coincidentally just seconds after me, to demand an ad system be implemented into the game.

    On launch.

    Which is under an hour away.

    ...Are we sure Bethesda didn't own Argus in SAO canon, too? Because this is more than enough justification to snap and hold all the players hostage.

    Though if this is Abridged, which I admit is becoming increasingly more likely, the last minute implementation demand certainly explains why the ads in the first episode were so damn obvious and immersion breaking.

    “Man,” I comment out loud to the completely empty corridor, “poor Kayaba.”

    Huh. That's not a phrase I thought I'd ever think, much less say.

    {World Encounter Roll: SAO:A, Japan. 1d20. Success >10. Result: 12. World Roll success. Region specific Encounter spawned.}

    For a moment, something sounds like it's whispering unintelligible things in the back of my head.

    Then a muffled crash and a series of booms resound outside. My attention immediately snaps in the direction of their source.


    No way.

    …Is that?

    My eyebrows rise almost unintentionally at the sight I'm witnessing out the window right now.

    …It is.

    The screams, a concerning number of them feminine, are audible from here. Even to a normal human.

    I wipe my eyes, then have every nanite diagnose their sensors.

    …It's real.

    A giant tentacle monster is grappling onto another skyscraper across from me. It's slowly hauling its massive body, covered in writhing tentacles, up the amazingly not giving a crap tower. And the thing is pulling… is that a tank? along for the ride.


    Gods damn it, Japan! You had one job!

    {Happy New Year’s, everyone! Also, I’m sick. Significant contributor to the lack of content from me. Also the holidays, but mostly being sick.}
  6. MadGreenSon

    MadGreenSon Verified Devil Tiger

    Aug 3, 2014
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    Unlike canon, at least Abridged has an actual reason why everything goes tits up with the game.
  7. Tallonos

    Tallonos Getting out there.

    Oct 20, 2016
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    Which is correct?
  8. TCGM

    TCGM (Unverified God/Space Snek)

    Jan 30, 2018
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    Canon actually does have a reason.

    The anime just hasn't gotten there yet.

    It's still a stupid reason, don't get me wrong, but it does exist xD

    Argus, woops.
    Tallonos and UnfortunateWatcher like this.
  9. Sovereign Of All

    Sovereign Of All Getting some practice in, huh?

    Sep 25, 2017
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    TCGM likes this.
  10. adaw

    adaw Getting some practice in, huh?

    Oct 9, 2018
    Likes Received:
    Most reasons for things seem stupid if you think about them thoroughly enough.
  11. Threadmarks: Chapter 8 - Burn It To The Ground

    TCGM (Unverified God/Space Snek)

    Jan 30, 2018
    Likes Received:
    The Only Winning Move Is Overwhelming Firepower
    Chapter 8
    Burn It To The Ground


    Tentacle monster scaling a skyscraper in Japan.

    ...Because, hey, why not?

    If this sounds like an encounter I'd design… that's because it is.

    So now I have random RP-style encounters to look forwards to sometimes, it seems. Thanks, Writer Me!

    I can almost hear your demented snickering. Shut it.

    Another glance back at the boardroom doors proves that Kayaba is still ranting.

    I turn to look out the window the monster… and nod to myself.

    I've got time.

    Now how the hell do I get out of this maze of a building? Without going through the window, of course. I am trying to be moderately stealthy.

    Let's see here… pull up the floor plan of the building, which isn't exactly published publicly but who cares, I'm a BESRMoW, aaaand…

    Okay, whoever designed this should be tossed into the sun. Buildings are supposed to have more than two exits!

    Guess I have to choose one. Either where I came in, or…

    Roof exit it is!

    One flight up the service stairwell later and I have roof, and thus open air, access. My thrusters flare, launching my body into the sky.

    And a few skyscrapers over is the monster.

    I turn to align with it and thrust harder, just barely slowing before the sound barrier is obliterated.

    Heh. Forgot how powerful my thrust is. This isn't KSP, I don't have to instantly set my throttle to maximum.

    Anyways, tentacle monster.

    How do I beat this thing?

    I scan the monster visually, checking its body for anything that sticks out or might indicate a win condition.

    There's quite a few anomalous red bulges, almost like sores, nestled at various locations upon its slick flesh.

    …Those look like a bunch of obvious weak points.

    Well that makes this simple.

    I fly further up into the air and extend my finger in a line directly intersecting one of the growths close to the center of its body, at least from my current vantage point. I managed to get about halfway there before I figured out my chosen solution, so Japan's about to get a hell of a show.

    A millisecond of processing is all I need to push the concept I've had for a cool weapon for a very long time to my Progenitor design program, and then in turn to my nanites.

    First thing, uncloak. I don't actually need to, but this is gonna be awesome, and I want memes, damn it!

    It takes a second or two, bit someone on the ground finally notices me.

    That's right Japan, I am the senpai now.

    Look, I know that's not how the honorific nor the phrase work, but I'm American… or was, at least, so there!

    Anyways, five cameras, a news chopper, and at least one live stream are focused on me now.

    Good enough!

    Pay attention, extrauniversal gals and guys. This is how you make plasma.

    Step One: Show off. Five flat rings of golden light expand around my raised index finger, pointing directly at the monster. The first, by my hand, is the largest, and they taper down as they reach the tip of my finger.

    Step Two: Power. A grand total of 0.000001% of my nanite body's energy storage capacity is shunted to the nanites that make up my fingertip.

    Step Three: Guidance. Momentarily emit a electromagnetic corridor, something rather far back in technological development as far as Progenitor tech progression, directly towards the growth.

    Step Four: WTF?!. Then, shunt all that energy directly down it.

    The air inside doesn't just become a plasma, it flashes. Like lightning.

    Think of a Repulsor blast. From Iron Man.

    Now make it a solid line from firing point to impact.

    Also give it the energy of about a million Arc reactors.

    This brings us to Step Five: Profit. Or, in layman's terms:

    For a moment there is a second star in the sky, and then the air rushes back in with a thunderous thoooooom.

    Ahhhh. I love me some vaporized atmosphere in the morn-

    I check the time.

    -late afternoon.

    What's left of the tentacle monster is falling off the skyscraper. No humans caught by it in the time since it appeared and I dealt with it, so no casualties. Also, despite what Hollywood would have you believe, nobody is stupid enough in real life to stand still under a massive falling object and peripheral tank.

    Thirty feet from the impact zone with their phones out and recording, but not actually in the zone.

    Job's finished, I guess.

    I upload my own footage of the fight, if you can call it that, to the Internet with the title “From Planetcaller, with love, come on Japan,” then cloak and head back to Argus HQ.

    Gonna have to do better than that to give me a challenge in the world of SAO, Writer Me.

    {Challenge accepted.}

    I heard that! I don't know what you said but I heard something! And knowing us, you just accepted my challenge.

    Bring it on!

    By the time I'm back at Argus, the board meeting is over and Kayaba has fucked off to who knows where.

    And it really is who knows where. Even I can't find him.

    Mostly because Argus HQ doesn't have any internal surveillance, he's not present in front of any other surveillance system, and I stupidly neglected to bookmark his biometrics so that my own sensors could keep track of him.

    Damn it.

    Well, guess I'll just have to track him down once he logs in to his admin account.

    Time to park my body somewhere hidden and take a look inside SAO, I guess.


    Well, I always wanted to visit Mount Fuji.

    But first I should ensure quick Internet access no matter where I am. Or, rather, quick SAO access.

    What better place than Argus HQ, the very place they host the thing?

    It's the work of seconds to develop, materialize, and deploy a simple Progenitor network relay.

    They even snaked fiber optics all the way up to the roof. Just for me.

    Into the gods damned sun, I swear.

    Exfoliating in magma is great. Warm, tingly, and a literal full body surrounding pressured hug blanket.

    Why yes, my body is in the magma chamber of Mount Fuji. How'd you guess?

    I dug through the crater rock to get here, dematerializing any barrier and rematerializing it behind me. That way, Fuji won't suddenly blow its top due to the relative pinhole I'd have opened up.

    I'm soaking up the heat to generate more energy. I did use all of 0.000001%, after all, and I need the refill.

    It'll take a few minutes, even at my 100% efficiency heart conversion ratio.

    In good news, Fuji won't erupt anytime in the next hundred years!

    Anyways, my Network relay is still functioning and communicating with me.

    So is Scout-chan, too. Knowing the Internet, you lot have probably started a cult around the drone.

    It's not a cute girl. Yet.

    If I have urgent need of an AI assistant, though, she's first on the list, okay?

    Anyways, fetch a copy of the developer level SAO code from Argus’ servers… and done.

    Time to log in.

    I close my eyes and get settled, then execute the function.

    Oh come on, an unskippable cutscene? Gods damn it, Bethesda!

    I stand in The Town of Beginnings. In the main square, the place everyone logs in at.

    The fact there's gigantic ads floating in the air above my head is what clued me in that this universe might not exactly be standard faire.

    Other than Bethesda's involvement, rather. And the state of Kayaba. And… okay, there's actually a ton of indicators that this is Abridged floating around.

    But I don't know for sure.

    I'm waiting here specifically so that I can know. It is possible that vanilla SAO had ads that just weren't discussed, or Writer Me added them as a form of passive aggressive political and societal commentary. Not likely, but certainly possible. A similar scenario could've occurred with Kayaba or any of the other indicators I've seen.

    But Kirito?


    He’s unique.

    His reaction will define exactly which universe I'm in. The way he talks, the way he speaks.

    Could ads be added to vanilla SAO without disturbing the story much? Yes. Could Kayaba be suffering a mental breakdown from pressure and SAO continue as it did? Yes!

    Could Vanilla!Kirito and Abridged!Kirito ever be in the same room without trying to rend the other limb from limb due to the affront to what they each consider important that their counterpart represents?

    That is a big, fat, neutron star massed fucking no way in hell.

    But it is incredibly boring watching thousands of people glow into existence.

    Not him, not him, a girl so not him… I think.


    “Cardinal, will you please alert me when a player named Kirito shows up?” I ask thin air. “I'm gonna go kill some shit."

    I haven't uplifted Cardinal yet. I just coopted its control. Too many assumptions can get me killed. I don't want to chance unleashing a Gray Goo of the PA variety on this world before I know more.

    And Cardinal is way too fucking close for my liking.

    So before I uplift the system, I want to know what world I'm in.

    Command request acknowledged.

    See? Way too close. It's not sentient and yet still sounds far more so than it should.

    Not that that pseudo sentience stopped me from implementing my own ‘magic’ and tech into the system.

    Because I really, really want to see the collective SAO player base's faces when I use the same plasma lightning laser trick I hit the tentacle monster with to one hit the first floor boss.

    And the second floor boss.

    And the third.

    One quick calculation… yeah, I'll only need to fire off that sucker more than once at floor 58.

    But hey, at least the HP for the floor 80 boss indicates it'll take two and a half!

    Ooh, ooh, and the floor 99 boss takes five!!!

    Kayaba is the hundredth floor boss, so I can't tell how much health he'll have.

    Worst case, I need to use all ten of my fingers. Or a palm, even.

    I know I've said it before, but this world's challenges pretty much don't exist for me.

    The memes of the ‘fuckhuge fuck off beam’ are legendary, though.

    As I've been fighting, I've also been thinking.

    Why exactly do I need to fake anything for Kayaba?

    The guy needs mental help, not… me allowing him to continue down his current path.

    I have the power to help him, or at least to pay for those who can. Diamonds take about a split second for me to assemble and they've only become more valuable with the rise of VR technology.

    Same with carbon nanotubes. Or, like, a thousand other commodities that any Kardashev 0.5 Civ would kill to possess.

    But if I help him… if I stop his atrocities, then so many things just don't happen. I'm meddling with thousands of people's lives. Do I have that right?

    Heh. Suddenly I kind of see where Roddenberry was going with the Prime Directive.

    Don't get me wrong, it's still a stupid as all hell rule system, but there are a few bright bulbs in the pack where it's concerned.

    I sigh as yet another dungeon monster falls to my weapon.

    A lightsaber, of course. With a built in teleportation system that blinks me to a nearby target and attacks automatically.

    What? You thought I'd put actual effort into killing mobs? Hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha!

    Anyways, what it really comes down to is this; can I watch people suffer, possibly dying, in order to ensure the timeline's integrity? For the vague hope that characters I've seen and enjoyed the experiences of on a screen will become the characters I recognize?


    No, I cannot. I will not. Even if I still just considered them characters, and not the people they now are to me, I still couldn't live with myself.

    It's just… wrong.

    So I'll meddle. Hell, I'll do more than meddle. I will force the world and its peoples lives to a better place. I will hit Peak Derail so hard and so fast that Jump-chan would be left dizzy.


    Is this why you sent me here, Writer Me? Give me a world without any challenges besides moral and ethical to see how I'd decide what my morals and ethics in my misadventures are to be?

    I look at the sky and frown. “Clever bastard.”

    I swear the Aincrad sun is grinning at me.

    “It wasn't even a real roll, was it.”

    The sun abruptly shakes back and forth, a vehement no.

    Bet that looks weird to anybody else ingame. Way to be clandestine, Writer Me.

    “I refuse to believe your universe's Murphy is this on point.”

    The sun shrugs. It has no arms, no legs, no head, no shoulders, and yet it shrugs.

    “Really milking that Eldritch Author God power for all it’s worth, aren't you?”

    The sun sticks out a tongue at me, manifesting one momentarily just for doing so.

    Then a hologram of the Vulcan hand greeting pops up.

    “You've been watching Trek again, haven't you.”

    That is one smug sun.

    Admin Alert: Player Kirito has logged in to The Town of Beginnings.

    And there's my cue.

    “Teleport me to the spawn zone,” I command Cardinal.


    Light flares around my avatar and a moment later I'm standing in the main square. Right behind someone who looks extremely familiar.

    The now ad filled square.

    “Aww come on, really?!” the guy in front of me says. “That's just disgusting.”

    Oh hello, Kirito.

    “Activate ad blocker.”

    A giant window opens up with SAO Store as the title, asking if he wants to buy the Adblocker DLC for a penny less than thirty bucks.

    “Heh heh heh,” he laughs… kind of dementedly, honestly. “Ahhhh… I am going to burn this fucker to the ground.”

    Yep. That's the line alright.


    Guess I'm in Abridged.


    I even make a little fist pump to underline my overflowing excitement.

    Gods damn it, Writer Me.
  12. MadGreenSon

    MadGreenSon Verified Devil Tiger

    Aug 3, 2014
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    Yeah, Kirito is an asshole, but at least the world makes more sense! :p
    bluepencil, Amrynel, adaw and 2 others like this.
  13. omarekiaby

    omarekiaby Your first time is always over so quickly, isn't it?

    Jan 5, 2019
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    Oh great, the story has now been defined as a FIX SHIT style fanfic. Not really my style
  14. IsaacTheAutobot1229

    IsaacTheAutobot1229 Know what you're doing yet?

    Mar 30, 2018
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    I still find it funny that the abridged is mostly better than the original
    kaazmiz and TCGM like this.
  15. MadGreenSon

    MadGreenSon Verified Devil Tiger

    Aug 3, 2014
    Likes Received:
    The Abridged version, for all it's comedy, does make it more like actual gamers are playing the game. Idiots and all. It feels more authentic to me. Especially the part where Kirito, a dedicated gamer, is a socially maladjusted ass.
    bluepencil, zebrin and TCGM like this.
  16. kaazmiz

    kaazmiz Know what you're doing yet?

    Aug 9, 2015
    Likes Received:
    Stereotype much?
  17. MadGreenSon

    MadGreenSon Verified Devil Tiger

    Aug 3, 2014
    Likes Received:
    It's a stereotype because it's so often true. Go play some online games and listen to the players.
  18. kaazmiz

    kaazmiz Know what you're doing yet?

    Aug 9, 2015
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    I do play.
    Which is why this seems so strange to me.
    Unless its CoD or Halo. Then I won't be surprised why Ab!Kirito seemed to fit for many people.
  19. MadGreenSon

    MadGreenSon Verified Devil Tiger

    Aug 3, 2014
    Likes Received:
    I've seen plenty of the same nonsense in MMOs too, it's just easier to avoid if you stay within a close circle of like minded folks. Survival games like Rust and those like it are the worst though.
  20. CrunchySharpie

    CrunchySharpie A wild Bowsette appeared!

    Jun 25, 2016
    Likes Received:
    Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory. -G.I.F.T.

    Consider that a vast majority of the games played now-a-days are competitive and/or cooperative, and that quite a few of those games reward you, sometimes handsomely, for being a total assbag to each other (Survival games like DayZ, Rust, etc, where you can kill a player and fuck loot the body are especially susceptible.) simple positive reinforcement has players acting in that way, even if sometimes that isn't the most efficient method of play, everybody's been conditioned to be a cunt to the NPC's or fellow players. Or have you not saved your game in Skyrim and then proceeded to Fus Ro Dah someone off a mountain for shiggles before reloading the save? Now apply that to people who actually respond to your trolling and the subsequent increase in amusement and the egging on from the peanut gallery that will inevitably form up around the spectacle.

    If you actually play with randoms, you meet all types, including the fuckwads who would normally get picked last during internet dodgeball. Granted, when the game stops being a game, many of those fuckwads would revert to normal, mostly adjusted human beings, but not all of them. Abridged Kirito is firmly in the 'not all of them' camp.