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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. zerofarad

    zerofarad Know what you're doing yet?

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    In that case my recommendation is locals', with the apostrophe of the plural possessive.

    (Ideally it would be a proper U+02BC apostrophe, so localsʼ, but I do have to concede that consumer software is not there quite yet.)
     
  2. Threadmarks: A Week in the Life of (supplementary, Renegade Option)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    13th April
    14:57 GMT -7


    "Alright, if you're sure."

    Luna nods. "We feel that Our dignity may be undermined by meeting your offspring whilst barely able to keep Ourself upright."

    "Yeah, but…" I exhale. "People on our side are perfectly at home with the idea of nonhuman sophonts, but aside from my genomorphs they don't generally meet them."

    "And you are concerned that they may fear Us."

    I.. take a moment to look at the living pony princess plush toy I'm dating. Or.. think I'm dating. For a moment I amuse myself with the idea that she's simply waiting for me to give Celestia her bride price. I haven't asked any ponies about their courtship customs, because whatever they are the current alicorn population is too small for there to be a tradition on how to court the goddess-princesses.

    "No. I.. think that you can safely assume that they won't fear you."

    She nods. "Because you are renowned as a stalwart protector and your presence will reassure them."

    "No. Because you're… Cute."

    "We are… Cute?" She regards me sceptically. "We hope that you are not allowing your own opinion of Us to colour your advice."

    "No, you're small and furry and look like… Well, you look like a more aesthetically appealing version of a type of farm animal. People are going to ask me if they can ride you. Children are going to come up to you and stroke your fur. Are you sure that you wouldn't rather do this as a human?"

    "We feel that We will most likely survive their affection."

    "I'm not the one who's going to be pulling chewing gum out of my pelt, but if it's really what you want…" I trot up to Starswirl's Mirror. "See you on the other side."

    I trot in and stroll out in a way which… Still doesn't make sense to me. Looking on the process from the outside I'd guess that the person going through it was in some sort of state of flux, but… My front goes in Wilson-side and I'm coming out Earth-side, even though I can feel my hooves back there until my feet emerge here. I should.. fall forwards as my front support vanishes, but that's not what happens.

    Weird.

    "Mother Box, boom tube to the Mirror room."

    Ping.

    BOOM!

    Luna walks through, her wings bristling slightly with tension as she looks around the room, and then at my crotch. And then at my abdomen. And then at my chest.

    And then she backs up slightly so that she can see my face.

    I raise my right hand in greeting.

    "Hello."

    "You are… Quite large."

    "Yes. I am, but the difference here is mostly because I'm naturally bipedal. Rather than being long, I'm tall."

    Luna frowns faintly, slowly walking around my right side so that she can get a better look at me.

    "Your posture makes Our spine ache in sympathy."

    "Oh?" I turn anticlockwise to face her, dropping onto my hands and knees. "Is this better?"

    "Now Our legs ache in sympathy." I grin, and crawl towards-. She backs up, a look of distinct disquiet on her muzzle. "Stop stop!"

    "Okay." I come up onto my knees and then rise to my full height. "But I warn you; I don't mind being pony-shaped-."

    "But this is your true self." She nods. "We understand. And we hope that you will not grow too besotted with Our human-seeming form when We choose to assume it."

    I shake my head as we head for the exit.

    "Nah, I'll be too busy laughing. You and Sunset sorted out a translation spell?"

    "We have the form of it, but We think that We will test our skill with your tongue before resorting to magic aid." Her horn glows faintly as she looks around. "Your home is truly a magnificent citadel, but We think that We would sorely miss natural sunlight and the chance to stretch Our wings."

    "Once the whole of the world is progressing in the direction which I want it to, I can probably afford to expand upwards and create a more conventional habitation area jutting out of the mountainside. Or just move and repurpose this as a pure fortress. I originally acquired it more as a statement than anything else."

    "That you are a troglodytical troll?"

    "That my mountain is better than the mountain of those whom I left."

    I bend at the waist, contorting myself until my head is close to her level.

    "Though if mountains aren't your thing, we could renovate your old castle. Could be a bonding activity."

    She rolls her eyes. "Yes, because clearly We wish to return to the site of our greatest shame."

    I straighten up as we reach Sunset's laboratory.

    "Yes, getting beaten up by six teenagers and a baby dragon was a bit pathetic, but I'm sure we can whip you into shape."

    "We were referring to Our fall, not to Our purification."

    "Luna, in a thousand years no one is going to remember that."

    She tosses her mane. "We are not yet entirely accustomed to the idea that We will live so long. We are uncertain how we feel about it. We were always the less sociable sister, and we have seen how Our Sister's venerability serves to isolate her."

    "If you're asking to include her in our herd-."

    A mild glare. "That is not what We meant."

    "I mean, one of my brothers is single, but he's… Kind of evil..? If you want to try friendship lasering him we could try getting them together…"

    The door slides open and Sunset stands in the doorway. Her human form grew significantly as a result of her ascension, and… She definitely has a more womanly figure now.

    "Are we heading out?"

    "Indeed, Sunset Shimmer. But why are you accompanying us?"

    "You're… Acting as my canary."

    Luna tilts her head back slightly. "We do not understand your reference."

    "Well, I'd kinda like to walk around as a pony myself… But I don’t wanna get mobbed. So I'm going to watch what happens to you and then decide what to do."

    I leer at her. "I wouldn't be so sure that humans won't mob you anyway. You weren't exactly hard on the eyes before your ascension, and now…"

    "I'm not talking about going to a club, Grayven. Just walking down the street. I like people admiring me. I should be admired. I just don't want little kids pulling my mane or my feathers."

    "And so We serve as your test case."

    "Hey, you volunteered." She frowns. "And I got promoted from 'thou'?"

    "You are an alicorn, and raised to that state by your own skill. We feel that We should hesitate to address you as Our social inferior."

    Sunset smiles happily. "True."

    "Alright then, if we're all ready? Mother Box, hush tube."

    The portal opens, and I bow to Luna.

    "After you."

    13th April
    15:02 GMT -7


    Luna sits, wings flaring slightly and eyes widen as the tide of grinning primary school aged children draws closer.

    "We fear that We hath made a terrible mistake."
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2020
  3. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    'concerned'

    remove you that, just ' sure that humans'
     
  4. ChiChi

    ChiChi I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    *snickers* that was great! Loving this story!
     
  5. AverusBlack

    AverusBlack AKA Aisling

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    Evening, kids.

    I don't speak up much because I don't have much to add to the OOC bits of this story, but I'm an artist and I did some stuff I probably would never have made if not for this particular story and you lot are the ones who like lanterns. So I won't bother you too much, but since I did these pieces based on OC's I made due to having followed this story for so long, I thought you might find it interesting to see the results. Zoat doesn't get a lot of fan art, even if it's fan art of a character not actually in the story, just inspired by it.

    Cheers. :)
     
  6. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  7. Vanbers

    Vanbers Well worn.

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    The reactions when others hear/realise that Grayven is dating what is, quite literally, a Pretty Pony Princess straight out of a cartoon happy kindness friendship dimension, will be so utterly beautiful.

    I can't wait.

    "I am Grayven, son of Darkseid, Slayer of Klarion the Witch Boy. And this is my girlfriend, Princess Luna of Equestria.", with Grayven standing menacingly in his armor while Luna tries to look regal and dignified (read: an image straight off an elementary school girls' lunchbox).
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2020
  8. Albert Scoot

    Albert Scoot Not too sore, are you?

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    I can picture the millions of Chinese knockoff lunchboxes already.
     
  9. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
    NOOO! NOOOOOO!
     
  10. Vaermina

    Vaermina Well worn.

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    Or you could just hollow out a dome shaped area, stick some camera's on the mountain top, some holographic projectors on the underground dome's ceiling, connect the two and call it a day.

    That's because you have. :D
     
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  11. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    "How was Earth, Luna?"

    "'Tis a place of horrors, Tia!"

    "Oh? So he wasn't exaggerating these supervil..."

    "Not them! The foals! The fillies! The...the bubblegum!" sobs "The bubblegum..."

    "Uhm...would you like some cake?"

    sniff "Yes, please"

    Than you should probably provide a link?
     
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  12. AverusBlack

    AverusBlack AKA Aisling

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    I did? I linked the words "did", "stuff" and "probably" but if that's being weird, this is the imgur gallery they link to. https://imgur.com/a/0yqB7wo

    Sorry about that.
     
  13. theaceoffire

    theaceoffire Versed in the lewd.

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    ... You are dating a magical pony?

    No. I am dating a magical pony princess.

    ... At least Paul is consistent for being on the bazaar scale.
     
  14. Enochi

    Enochi Having way to much fun with AI.

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    And these snips are why I keep reading, So very very enjoyable. Then we have to go back to Paul...and I know I exaggerate my dislike of him but I still do find him the lesser story.
     
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  15. Awkward

    Awkward Know what you're doing yet?

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    They have provided three, click on the blue words
     
  16. iamnuff

    iamnuff Connoisseur.

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    So now everyone knows that Grayven is a horsefucker?

    I didn't mind the mlp stuff before, because it barely interacted with the dc side of the setting.
    It being more of a thing and Luna, in horse-form , being a love interest is getting a bit weird for me.
     
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  17. Mquz

    Mquz Versed in the lewd.

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    My god! It’s like a video game but horse faces should not be that flat
     
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  18. RichardWhereat

    RichardWhereat Aia airëa Fëanáro.

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    Still not a spider.
     
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  19. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    Not looking forwards to learning to walk on two legs, Luna dear? It won't take that long to get used to it, just have to remember not to walk on your toes.

    ...Not fear, no. I rather think it's more likely that you'll be mobbed by squealing preteen girls.

    And any tradition she's familiar with, well... A chaste betrothal is the nicest option, really.

    Eh, jury's out on that. I'd put it at about fifty-fifty protector or stealth conqueror..

    Oh, that would be quite easy, but no, he's serious.

    Wait until you see how messy young children's hands can get... But hey, if you want to spend hours bathing...

    To quote the meme: It's magic, I don't got to explain shit <hand fireworks>.

    Even Mother Box is quietly chuckling at this situation...

    My, my. Whatever are you focusing on, oh, princess? x3

    Oh god, she's even tinier now.

    Well, he's long in certain ways, but not ones I think Luna is that interested in right now.

    Does she feel that way about Minotaurs? Diamond Dogs? Honestly, she's seen enough bipeds to be familiar with this... Though Diamond Dogs can move on all fours anyway...

    Man, that must make her shudder. It'd be like a Slenderman...

    ...If she looks like that, I don't think either of them will mind.

    Ooh, good question. Won't do to have her neighing at people, or looking like a badly-dubbed kung-fu movie.

    Besides, if he does so now, it'd look like he was copying Canterlot.:p Some people already think he's a supervillian, no need to have a mountainside base...

    Petty shot at the League, Grayven...

    More bad memories than good there, eh?

    Stop teasing her, Grayven.

    She has a point. Unless more ponies become Alicorns, she and the other extant ones might well become regarded as a pantheon...

    Yeah, I don't think Luna wants to share with her big sister. Or anyone else period.

    More college student than middle schooler, eh? Some would consider that an improvement, no doubt.

    Making sure there's no untoward interactions with Earth's magical field, eh?

    Ah, she wants to see how bad the little girls get before she throws herself into the deep end, then.

    Hardly. It'll probably be more reverent awe, then 'Mommy, I wanna pony!'

    Treating the newbie as something closer to an equal, eh? It's only fair.

    Accept it, girl. Someone actually recognising your awesomeness.:D

    And to quote another meme: "Here... We... Go."

    Pffft hahahahahaa! No getting cold hooves now, Luna. :rolleyes:

    Ah, what a way to end an update: "Mistakes were made." Good to see Luna getting her hooves wet in human culture. And if My Little Pony wasn't a thing on DC Earth before, it will be now.
     
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  20. monochromaticPrism

    monochromaticPrism Getting out there.

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    Long time lurker, first time posting here today with a couple questions to Zoat about the Worm sidestory. Sorry that I am a bit late, I usually catch up about once a week.

    The first question would be: Since yellow is familiar with the “Fictional” setup nature of each world, and since he has apparently raided a good chunk of the electronics on the planet for info, has he realized that the world he is looking at was on the receiving end of something of a raw deal quite a bit grimmer than even settings like “The Boys”? He appears to be responding quite harshly, yet with the information he has available he should know that entities like the Simurgh have been specifically manipulating the setting away from uplift and instead towards maximum Grimdark, which somewhat forgives a lot of the setting due to the semi-mindcontrol that has been inflicted on the world for quite a while prior to this point.

    Speaking of which, the Simurgh’s primary ability (to the point it is what the Simurgh uses for things like sight and hearing) is to sort through timelines on a massive scale to select for certain sets of outcomes (like a manual version of Path To Victory from the same setting). Yellow’s presence has the potential to be a much larger positive influence than other targets “she” has removed (such as Alan Gramme AKA Mannequin). So for my second question: Was Yellow’s arrival “predicted” by any of these kinds of abilities or is he operating “outside of fate” at the moment? I ask because Primary Paul has been indicated to be “inside” fate within his own part of the setting (although I don’t think outright stated to be), with a similar indication for why Graven needed a fate-excluded individual, and being “inside” fate would be a huge disadvantage for Yellow within the Worm setting due to how hax those abilities are in-universe.

    Naturally if any of this is "to be revealed" territory I am more than happy to wait.

    Also a small potential correction: Tattletale’s power doesn’t work through mind reading but a “super-intuition” kind of ability, which allows it to work on both organic and inorganic targets (although to be fair the exact mechanism is unknown). I mention this on the assumption that she was unconscious because her mind caught wind of Yellow’s real name, which should be outside of her ability to detect. She could suss out other subtle details, such as Yellow being from a different reality or a good chunk of the nature of how a ring works, but specific information like his name is something she would need to be told because you can’t logically deduce something as arbitrary as a person’s name. It probably wouldn’t have affected how their interaction went since she would intuit his “power level” and want nothing to do with fighting him, but I understand if you have already made alterations to the underlying mechanics to make Worm a more conventional part of your multiverse.

    Outside of that, it is fortunate for the world itself to have Yellow there. As the only meta individual with non-shard powers many of the biggest hax abilities that prevent threats from being dealt with outright wouldn’t affect him (Such as Jack’s prediction/manipulation, all power negating/manipulating abilities, certain detection abilities, some of the Endbringer defensive abilities, etc). He also has the potential to become insanely OP since Shards are essentially advanced alien technology (not including the ones that store info on how to make other types of advanced tech), assuming he can actually get into the pocket dimension where these things get stored. Being able to build precise and potentially self-replicating power-sets for your citizens is also quite the boon.
     
  21. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    Yeah, now those links are showing for me too. Sorry
     
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  22. AverusBlack

    AverusBlack AKA Aisling

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    It's all good c:

    The thing about being an artist is that it's like being a musician, you want to play. But in the case of artists, it's 'you want to show the work to people who will like it', and I thought you guys would. I like doing lantern art and I'm especially fond of Aisling, the girl in the blue robes.

    I thought of trying to draw out stuff from this story but to be honest I'm not sure what I'd even try to draw. People have done pictures of Paul before and I'm actually relatively new to digital art, doing whole scenes is a lot of work for me. Those three pieces were all done in under 4 hours of work total, quick and a little messy and simple.

    I wouldn't mind some suggestions for characters to draw from this story, I'm just bad at tracking down written descriptions and I'm a little hesitant to commit to anything but a maybe, y'know?
     
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  23. Oglymogly

    Oglymogly I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    LunaXRenegade may be the best thing to ever happen to this story. She acts as a foil, straitmare, and co-conspirator, really making Greyven feel like a person, rather than a calculating gamer. Its going to be so terrible to see how he loses her. (And great, one of the reasons I like Rene-segments is I enjoy seeing him win AND lose)

    BTW, seeing Yaul headshotting people in Worm... that was great too.
     
  24. Mquz

    Mquz Versed in the lewd.

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    He’s not familiar with Worm. He never read it before writing this fic.
     
  25. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    The Renegade is not yet a horsefucker in any literal sense.
    Is there a question here?

    From the Lord Protector's point of view, it doesn't really matter if the people around him are being arseholes because of their innately arseholish nature or because someone is manipulating them. The cure to the collapse of the monopoly on legitimate force is the same. Once he has his bearings he would most likely begin investigating underlying causes but it's the symptoms that are killing the patient at the moment.
    I don't know enough about the mechanisms of Simurgh's ability to say with confidence.
    No. Basically, the problem came about because what an individual parahuman's ability is is nothing like the limit of what that shard can do. Tattletale has vastly improved intuative reasoning, but the shard decided that what it was seeing was novel enough that it could justify doing something else. Like when Jack Slash's shard decided on its own initiative to mind control Imp into not killing him despite that not 'officially' being one of his powers. The shard couldn't cope, and the flashback from that knocked Tattletale out.
    Don't forget Mumm-Rana's magic, thundrillium and advanced non-Tinker technology.
     
  26. Sockmonkey

    Sockmonkey I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    So what would the mirror turn Spike into since dragons are an actual thing on that Earth?
    Making him a dog was a dick move.
     
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  27. PrinceJonathan

    PrinceJonathan Versed in the lewd.

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    Mmm, what a lovely mental image to have before I have to go to work.
     
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  28. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    People mocked when I wrote that the Justice League were soft on Nabu. And I was proven right.

    And then we have Spike.

    Spike turned into a dog because if reflects his status in Equestrian law; that of chattle. He does not go to school. He has no adopted parents. He didn't even meet another dragon until the migration episode. No friends he might have had in Canterlot are ever mentioned. Since the Renegade has brought this to Twilight's attention it is getting changed, but at the moment he'd probably still be dogified.
     
  29. Mquz

    Mquz Versed in the lewd.

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    Huh... is he actually a dragon? I always assumed he was a fragment of Twilight’s imagination brought to life by her need for companionship after her family got turned into potted plants - a familiar in the DnD style with no will of his own until after Twilight becomes an Alicorn. That’s when he gets some personality. His lust for Rarity is also Twilight’s.... At least that’s my personal head canon.
     
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  30. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    I once read a fanfic where that was true; the 'egg' they put in front of Twilight was a painted stone which Twilight brought to life. Also, Fluttershy was raised by dragons, and found him confusing because he didn't look right as he was Twilight's mental image of a dragon and not how dragon actually were.
     
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