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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. Gilhelmi

    Gilhelmi Know what you're doing yet?

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    Criminal, Casino Dealer, Lawman, Hero, and Teatotaler.

    IIRC, he was also had that Shootout at the OK Coral because a corrupt judge let a murder go free.
     
  2. Simonbob

    Simonbob Really? You don't say.

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    .................


    The 12th amendment IRL is the election of the President and Vice President.



    DC comics strikes again.
     
  3. Coda

    Coda Versed in the lewd.

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    DC Comics didn't say that the amendment that we call the 12th Amendment doesn't exist in that universe. It's probably just got a different number on it, or maybe that version of America realized the problems with giving the VP position to the second-place presidential candidate up front and set up a president/vice-president ballot from the beginning.
     
  4. Simonbob

    Simonbob Really? You don't say.

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    I'm more irratated they didn't even come up with something better.


    Anything better. It's the sort of thing you could put under, well, a number of existing Amendments. Or, an entirely new one, but the 12th? That goes back to the begining of the US. Heck, there's no 27th Amendment, right now. If you're going to make something up.......



    It's just my realisation, again, that the authors are less that impressive. Oh, well. There's a reason I don't read the comics.
     
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  5. thebishop8

    thebishop8 Umm, ackchyually...

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    Alrighty then. I organized all the ones I could find by chapter.

    This is from a Paragon chapter on the 28th of August.

    This is from a Paragon chapter on the 12th of September.

    These are both from the same Renegade chapter on the 9th of November.

    This is from a Renegade chapter on the 30th of December. Also, if you're making it so that August in Iron only became Iron relatively recently, it seems like Tiananmen Square would have to have happened relatively recently too if August in Iron was able to stop Socialist Red Guardsmen, as Grayven is saying in the above quote. Though making it more recent also improves Grayven's rant about the Justice League not taking action against it.

    These are all from the same Renegade chapter on the 30th of December.

    These are both from the same Renegade chapter on the 31st of December.

    These are all from the same Renegade chapter on the 31st of December.

    Renegade chapter, 31st of December, you know the drill.

    These are all from a Renegade chapter on the 25th of May. The Renegade mentions that Fang gets promoted this chapter, so he either needs to stay a Colonel, with the mentions of a promotion getting removed, or he needs to be called a General here.

    Here are some normal corrections. Mostly just broken links.

    This video is blocked in my country, which is the U.S., for the record.

    The video is unavailable.

    The "g" in good links to a different video that is blocked in my country.

    The account that uploaded this video has been terminated.

    Broken link.

    I'm having trouble connecting to the website.

    Broken link.

    First link works, the second is a video that is unavailable.

    This looks like a mistake. In one chapter, Truggs says he got Paul's number from Dana Dearden. In the very next chapter, Paul tells Guy that Truggs got it by hacking phone records. Unless Paul didn't want to get Dana in trouble?
     
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2019
  6. Coda

    Coda Versed in the lewd.

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    I wholeheartedly disagree. This is actually BETTER than if they had made something up. It suggests that there's a history to this world, one that's different from ours, one where superpowers have always existed and aren't some random new thing that showed up just in time for comics to be written about them. It implies worldbuilding, even if the writers didn't actually put the effort into fleshing it out.

    I absolutely ENCOURAGE writers to think about the historical implications of their setting.
     
  7. Stsword

    Stsword Versed in the lewd.

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    [​IMG]

    From context is that superheroes don't have to reveal their identities, hence protecting their loved ones from retaliation from villains.

    As for the federal authority registration, that also showed up in Aztek, and heroes don't have to reveal their identities to register either.
    [​IMG]

    In Freedom Fighters, it was shown that North America had superheroes since before Europeans came.

    They were shamans, or you know, whatever the equivalent would actually be called.

    In Hawkman, it was shown that one of Hawkman's past lives was the shaman of his tribe. Vandal Savage was his brother.

    So in DC, superheroes are just the latest name for a phenomena that has been going on for about 50 thousand years.

    A conversation invading demons could have in DC-

    "And here's our plan for dealing with the Earth's shamans."

    "Mystery men, they're called mystery men now."

    "No no no, superhero is the preferred term now."
     
  8. Simonbob

    Simonbob Really? You don't say.

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    I'd agree.

    I just don't think they did.



    Would you address the rare superpowers before adding the method of choosing the leader of your country?


    In fact, given that superpowers aren't new, but wearing a mask to punch people in the face is(Well, newer), the slighest modicum of thinking this stuff through, would have something 20+ as the Amendment in question, or under something like the 5th, or 1st, even.



    Just stupid.
     
  9. Coda

    Coda Versed in the lewd.

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    Um... The 12th Amendment was ratified in 1803... and... the Constitution was adopted in 1789. And it was the SECOND constitution that the country had, and the first one got replaced because it didn't sufficiently outline how the government was supposed to work. It would seem a rather significant oversight if OUR universe's United States had gone 14 years without determining how to choose its leaders, especially after 13 years of experience learning what not to do with a government. The 12th Amendment just replaces the original one with one that's less subject to vice-presidential shenanigans.

    The comics universe may have still passed the exact same amendment in 1803 in this universe. It just wouldn't have been the 12th one.
     
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  10. Mquz

    Mquz Versed in the lewd.

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    Unless it was created specifically to protect the identity of Uncle Sam, in order to protect the knowledge that the founding fathers created him through magic while they were still alive. Magic would be anti-Christian.
     
  11. Vaermina

    Vaermina Well worn.

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    Specifically magic that involves consorting with or utilizing demonic powers.
     
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  12. Queshire

    Queshire Not too sore, are you?

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    I'm not sure they'd make that distinction at the time.
     
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  13. Threadmarks: Conqueror's Moon (part 2)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    10th February
    08:11 GMT -7


    Sunset brushes off the remains caught by her lab coat's protective enchantments.

    "Oooooohhhh… Kay. I think I know what the problem was."

    I nod as I scrape the burned remains of the last sensor off my left arm. "And what was that?"

    "You used your god-powers on the area the sensors were in. And on the sensors themselves. And on me."

    "You didn't specify-."

    Sunset leans towards me, her right finger outstretched. "You haven't conquered me."

    "Sunset, you're a vital part of my research and development infrastructure. Conquest isn't about-. I'm sorry, isn't just about destroying anything in your way. It's about all of the mechanisms which make that destruction possible in the first place." Hm. "I wonder what would happen if we gave Celestia a book on plasma physics? I mean, your people don't even have radio telescopes yet."

    "How much time have you spent planning what you're going to do in Equestria?"

    "Um." Lie mode. "Oh, not long. Oh." I frown. "You're okay with me coming, right?"

    Sunset looks away. "Eerrrrrr…"

    "Oh, come on."

    "Look, it's-. I'm fine with you being there, I just-. This is my thing. You know? Me making my big return and proving Cel-everyone wrong."

    "I quite understand. You making your mark, showing off what you've learned and turning into an alicorn in Celestia's face takes precedence. But… Don't you think you'd find it satisfying if you demonstrated the value of your research to your fellow ponies?"

    Sunset gives up on trying to get anything from what's left of the sensors and levitates all of the fragments into a thaumically isolated disposal unit. "I… Suppose… I'd find that satisfying. Doing something Celestia wouldn't or.. maybe even couldn't do. Do you have any ideas?"

    "The stories you told me about your nation's history involved small groups of heroes fighting monsters against the odds. How capable is your regular army?"

    "They're not." A g-promethean walks in with a new tray of sensors and hands them to her. "Thanks." She goes to hand one to me and then stops, frowning. "Wait, I didn't call-?"

    "God-power."

    "Mn." She hands them to me one at a time and I start attaching them again. "Raw magical power is the main thing that makes a fighter useful in Equestria. There's basically nothing that Princess Celestia can't overpower. All the most powerful pegasus ponies end up in the Wonderbolts; they're the best fliers, but they're trained as show-fliers rather than warriors. The strongest unicorns are usually the magical talents like me, and because Equestia hasn't had a real war in almost a century I don't think any pony in my generation took battle magic as a speciality. Plus, since we get cutie marks when we're young…"

    "A pony would have to be a natural battlemage from foalhood."

    "Right." She nods. "And earth ponies struggle to hold weapons, let alone fight effectively. Hooves and mouths aren't as good as hands for manipulating things."

    "So: weapons ponies can use. Some sort of saddle-mount? A cadet system for pre-mark foals, and… Magic training for earth ponies?"

    "Which doesn't exist yet."

    "Not in Equestria. Didn't you say that the three tribes migrated there from somewhere else?"

    "It's a story; I wouldn't take it too literally."

    "But I've got boom tubes. If Equestria hasn't ever checked back on the old homelands, there could be all kinds of forgotten stuff back there."

    "The story says that everyone left, and that was over a thousand years ago at least. Even if it's true, I doubt there's anything left but ruins." She checks my placement and then steps back again. "Ready to go again?"

    "Yes, but what do you want me to do differently?"

    "Try… Reaching further away and… Use less power?"

    "Alright, I'll give it a go."

    Not… Really something I've got much experience with. Usually, using as much power as I can is best. Hm. My link with Lynne is usually fairly low power, but… It's there all the time and I'm not sure that it would really register properly.

    Hmmm…

    Who have I shaped?

    I feel Kon-El as he sits in a classroom in Happy Harbor.

    Beneficent Oversight.

    I can.. feel the difference as he focuses harder on his work, on the teacher, distractions fading from his mind.

    In Dakota City, Edwin Alva's lawyers are working on ways to impede Doctor Metcalf's newfound freedom.

    Be Humbled By My Purpose.

    And suddenly their own outlined arguments feel inadequate and nonsensical, a confidence that they could tie him up for months at least evaporating.

    Freedom stands on the bridge of a warship, his eyes focused on-.

    He knows. But there's someone else-.


    My vision shatters.

    "Uhg." That was.. odd. "Was.. that helpful?"

    "It.. was. What happened at the end there?"

    "Not sure. Mother Box, where's Scott?"

    "Ping."

    So not on a-. No, of course not. So what the heck was I seeing? "Sunset, what do your readings say?"

    She studies her device for a few moments.

    "I.. think your 'god power' works by rearranging local magic fields indirectly to produce an effect. But you're not using local magic to do it. I.. think I just got a look at the Source."

    Heh. "I doubt it."

    "No. Really. I think it's treating the universe as one high-intensity magic field, even those places that are actually thaumically weak. I don't… Even know how that could work."

    "Does it help with 'Project: Alicorn'?"

    "I won't know until I analyse the data in detail. What did you do, exactly?"

    "Buffed Kon's learning ability, debuffed Edwin Alva's lawyers and I was going to have a go at buffing Scott, but something… Interfered."

    "Well…" She creates an illusionary image, wiggly lines which are… Probably.. has.. something to do with local thaumic resonances. Honestly, just as I learn one of her graph formats she changes it to something else. Disadvantage of someone working on the cutting edge, I suppose. "This is what it looked like when you were warming up."

    It's not really a peak, but there's a more defined shape to it.

    "This is the second part."

    The shape's different, but the structure is similar. Me, I suppose.

    "And then…"

    The third section starts similar, then.. there's another shape. And then… My shape… Doubles… Blurs..?

    Another me. And Scott on a ship I now recognise as thanagarian.

    "I.. think I need to check up on Earth 50. Now."
     
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2019
  14. Queshire

    Queshire Not too sore, are you?

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    Aha! Gravy vs Gravy time.
     
  15. thebishop8

    thebishop8 Umm, ackchyually...

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    *This is what it

    Why would Scott be on a warship? Grayven couldn't possible reach through alternate universes could he?

    He did. Wow.
     
  16. Queshire

    Queshire Not too sore, are you?

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    Conceptual bullshit laughs at your puny dimensional walls.
     
  17. DeathlessProficiency

    DeathlessProficiency Know what you're doing yet?

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  18. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    Good to see sensible safety practices.

    Heh, so general overload?

    So I was right, knowing he's trying to 'conquer' you allows you to resist?

    He's been planning shit since the day she arrived, hasn't he? :D

    Amazed there's no Want in that line.

    What regular army? The royal guard? Pffft.

    And that would be one messed up kid.

    Spiked or bladed barding?

    oooh... Fascinating idea. Pity the show never bothered with it.

    Rather than conquest-bombing the local area.

    Heh. I wonder if Kon even noticed?

    That would be Hardware's situation resolving, yes?

    Oh, dear. That was odd.

    Odd line break here, assuming you didn't already fix it.

    Wait what.

    Did she just ping the universe's foundation?

    At this point, she may well be inventing a new kind of thaumatology.

    A double image?

    Inter-universal road-trip!

    Seriously, what did Earth 50 do now? This gonna get weird.

    Godspeech:
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2019
  19. RichardWhereat

    RichardWhereat Aia airëa Fëanáro.

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    This will be interesting. I hope it'll be a fully Grayven chapter.
     
  20. liger0

    liger0 Getting out there.

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    Which one? SI ReneGrayven or Earth-50 native mullet-and-gaudy-armor-wearing Grayven? No, wait that's the Earth 16 native version. Anyhow, I assume he's reasonably similar in appearance.
     
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  21. DeathlessProficiency

    DeathlessProficiency Know what you're doing yet?

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    Grayven, the New God of Conquest!
     
  22. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    Magic theory and your concept of god powers is so interesting.

    Conveying magic in a sense that makes it both otherworldly yet perfectly sensible is super hard to do.

    Also, when Grayven visits Equestria, please let the portal turn him into a male Alicorn?
     
  23. Buggy123

    Buggy123 I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    I'm going to make a guess at the meaning of the chapter name: Grayven-50 has arrived at Earth-50 and has the War World (Conqueror's "moon").
     
  24. Vaermina

    Vaermina Well worn.

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    Sounds like someone just got made.
     
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  25. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  26. Sockmonkey

    Sockmonkey I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    I always figured the Wilsonian sun and moon were smaller than actual ones. If a ball of hydrogen were contained and compressed by a magic based force field rather than it's own gravity, you could have a tiny star if you created a feedback loop where the energy of the star powered the force field.
     
  27. Mquz

    Mquz Versed in the lewd.

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    I always assumed the Wilsonian universe was geocentric. The sun is the largest stellar object, and everything else is contained on an outer shell, like the medieval model. Luna gets control of the outer shell and moon, while Celestia gets the largest object in the universe, besides maybe Wilson itself, the sun.
     
  28. Ganurath

    Ganurath Apologizes For Nothing

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    That, or using your conquest powers to push someone toward self determination is somewhat paradoxical.
     
  29. Stsword

    Stsword Versed in the lewd.

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    Maud can crush rock into gravel.



    Big McIntosh pulled a house after him.



    Applejack, as Mare Do Well, pushed a runaway carriage into stopping "Mare-Do Well arrives on the scene, standing stalwartly before the cliff face with her hooves in the air, ready for the carriage. It pushes her all the way to the edge before stopping."

    With that kind of strength, their hooves are weapons.
     
  30. Doc Sithicus

    Doc Sithicus Not too sore, are you?

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    So can we have a Grayven arc now?
     
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