[RWBY] RWBY Shorts

[AndrewJTalon]

Merlin: "Come to Merlin's Mystery Museum! Filled with the strange, the bizarre, the unholy! There's snacks, there's videos for the kids, there's photo ops! And me, Merlin the Mystery Wizard of Mystery!"

Jaune: "Grunkle Merlin, do I have to wear this outfit?"

Merlin: "AND THE AMAZING TALKING GOLDEN RETRIEVER BOY! He's not a Faunus! So him talking is a miracle!"

Jaune: "We're gonna get sued again."

Merlin: "And his adorable twin sister!"

Orchid: "Bow wow. Bow. Bow wow."

Merlin: "They're so cute together!" Jaune scowls. Merlin elbows him.

Jaune: sighs "Bow wow. Wow. Bow wow."

Merlin: "Throw money at them and they dance!"

Jaune: "Wait what-?!"

Jaune: "Um, Blake, I know how it looks but I wasn't culturally appropriating anything!"

Blake: "..."

Jaune: "Um, Blake?"

Blake: blush 'He's so cute in dog ears...'

Ruby, Weiss, Yang, Pyrrha, even Coco: 'So cute...'

(Again, feel free to write your own takes!)

 

[CountvonBarnOwl]

A Whiter Rose snippet based on the musings of days recently passed:

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"My apologies for my late arrival." James Ironwood said as he exited the elevator that led into Ozpin's office. "The Grimm attacks have only been growing in number and ferocity since the fleet arrived."

Grimm had been sieging Vale's walls nonstop for the past few days. And with the arrival of Ironwood's fleet - a showy measure of insurance for the Vytal Festival, most certainly not a lot of warm bodies to cover up a covert war with an enemy older than history or a sledgehammer to be wielded against her proxies, nothing like that - and it had run the commanding general of the Atlesian Army ragged.

Ozpin took another sip of his drink, his eyes narrowed imperceptibly. "They have, James. Now, you have been in my confidence for longer than most, in living memory at least, so I say this as a friend. Is it not possible that the two phenomena are correlated?"

Ironwood snorted, "we've been over this half a hundred times, my forces aren't going to start a panic. People won't worry about all of the armed men and machine circling the city. I imagine quite the contrary. Who wouldn't prefer having twelve brigades between them and the Grimm?"

"I don't mean that this time, James. I mean something a bit more tangible than mere apprehension. Come here." James obliged, making his way through the clockwork ensconced in emerald-glass. "Pull up one of those other chairs too. You're going to need it." Ozpin appended. James rounded on his heel and lifted the metalwork with the ease that only machine limbs and Aura combined could provide, before depositing it next to Ozpin's own chair.

"Now watch this." Ozpin said, pulling a CCTnet video up on his desktop.

"Oz, are you sure that you have the right video?" James asked.

"Positive, why?" Ozpin replied.

"It's an SDC ad." James explained.

"Quite. Their new head of marketing has something of a personality to him." Ozpin replied.

Jacques' new PR man had a personality all right. The old one had been fired once the magnate twigged to the fact that all of those attempts to boost his image by associating his face with the SDC's premium lines were taken as narcissism and egomania by the broader public. It was definitely a point in his favor that the new guy did not start off with green-screen glamour shots of the CEO.

However it was ten points against him that he started off with fifteen seconds of a cacophony increasingly deep-fried looping reaction gifs. Only for the whole screen to be tossed aside with comical exaggeration by a pair of wiry arms, attached to a white-haired boy in an immaculate suit, who now dominated the screen.

------

"Hi, I'm Whitley Schnee, head of marketing and accounting at the Schnee Dust Company. Now, I know what you're thinking. 'Aren't you a little young to be juggling two departments at the world's biggest Dust conglomerate?' Yes, Yes I am. And it's infuriating." He hunched in and curled his fingers as the lighting shifted around him such that he looked like he was now telling a story at a campfire. "And you know what else is infuriating?!?! This FUCKING INVENTORY! I'm so mad that we haven't cleared this stock, I'm going to have an aneurysm. Drrurururururrrrr-"

------

Outside of the video, Ironwood had to ask, "Was the zoom-in x-ray fart sound effect really necessary?" Ozpin's only response was to take another gulp of his drink.

------

"In fact, I'm so angry, I'm going to make this cute, big titty goth girl watch cursed gun images." The camera panned over to none other than Ruby Rose, waving with both hands, and with her legs conspicuously chained up.

"What he did to get Miss Rose to go along with this I'll never know." Ozpin muttered, believing contrarywise that the answer had involved several dozen pounds of cookies.

Whitley plopped down next to Ruby, who - not at all playing the damsel in distress well - slid closer to him on the couch until they were butt-to-butt. Then her hands came onto his shoulders. "And remember, this is a blind reaction. I have no idea what horrors this fiend has in store for me."

"She calls him a fiend but I see what she's doing with his arm while he's trying to move the mouse." Ironwood muttered.


Whitley clicked on a link and it brought up the first cursed gun of the night

Spoiler: Cursed Gun #1

"Starting off slow, eh." Ruby muttered. "It's not that cursed. The gold plated lever action makes him look like a forest warlord from the backwoods of Anima. And speaking of Anima, you wanna bet that the whole continent would flood if he drops that buttstock in Lake Matsu?"

"More spirit than I expected. Hmm, very well. I retaliate with cursed gun level 2." Whitley retorted, before clicking on the next link.

Spoiler: Cursed Gun #2

"Probably some bandit's beat-to-shit-old claw revolv- oOh, why is the hammer so big? Can that even engage the firing pin? First off, ditch that brass knuckle handle that you have no way of using, and then file down that hammer, then smelt the shavings with the knucks to forge yourself a proper grip so you can abosorb the recoil when SOMETHING COMES OUT OF THE MUZZLE BECUASE YOU PULLED THE FUCKING TRIGGER."

"Hmm," Whitley observed, "still more mad than broken. I will have to resort to the superiority of Atlesian science and craftsmanship to break you."

Spoiler: Sekai Ichi Cursed Gun #3

------

Ironwood felt the initial wave of embarrassment when none other than his own Due Process came up on the screen.

------

"You know," the boy started up, with an impish grin that Ironwood could somehow feel mocking him through the screen. I heard that gun started off as a Mare Constrictor."

"Very interesting: Ruby replied, her voice dissonant and still, like the waters of a lake known to house treacherous Grimm. "Then maybe you could explain to me why it looks like a FUCKING Pw-12 with a fucking Floch slide on the top!" Whitley errupted from the confines that were the arms of the girl sitting next to him. "Mwahahaha, you have no idea about the heights of bubba-ry to which Atlas has ascended."

"Bubba is the word for it. It looks like he heard about a dual-trigger safety in passing and tried to build one from scratch with no frame of reference." Ruby continued.

------

James unholstered his gun and examined it.

------

"And the fucking hammer again. I assume there's a downward-canted firing pin housed in the frame because it fires from the bottom chamber but it doesn't! I mean it may as well fire from the bottom chamber with the height-over-bore from that fucking semi-auto slide. I can't even tell if that slide is just a part of the frame or not. I mean, what's the point. How would that even work? Some of the gasses generated by the powder going off going up a concealed gas port near the muzzle and pushing back on the slide? Is that how this gun cycles? Tell me that's not how this gun cycles Whitley!"

"Well, it's funny you should mention that..." Whitley replied. "Seeing that the hammer is too high up on the gun to do much other good..."

Ruby blinked once. She blinked twice. "Don't tell me. The gas impulse is what pushes the hammer back." Whitley nodded solemnly, "and then it returns home, allowing the cylinder to rotate. And it was built to cycle that way. Look just below the rear sight."

"Are those... slide... serrations?" Ruby's eyeliner was running down her cheeks. "He built it that way... on purpose. This thing just keeps getting worse and worse every time I look at it"

"I actually feel a little bad now. Tell you what. One more for the sake of the video and then we'll be done." Whitley said. Ruby's arms wrapped around him in less than an instant and pulled him into a crushing hug. After muttering something that the recording equipment did not quite pick up, but sounded suspiciously like "goth girl tidd," Whitley clicked on the next image.

------

And James Ironwood was amazed that the shrill scream of alloyed terror, hatred, fear, and disgust that came out of the girl's mouth didn't shatter every pane of glass in the tower. "How is all of the glass in this tower still intact?"

"Magic." Ozpin replied before enigmatically sipping his drink again. "Literally," he followed up in a less enigmatic fashion, "I had to repair everything in the tower and then reinforce it after I played the video for the first time. Also, you may want to invest in a glassblowing, or repair, or construction firm in the near future." James penciled that little detail away for later.

------

Spoiler: Cursed Gun #4: The Abomination

"Every time I see it, I feel the urge to gouge out my eyes with a melon-baller." Whitley muttered shaking his head. "I remember these fucking things. My father bought them to be standard issue among SDC security forces."

Ruby had not taken the sight nearly as well. "Why? Why? Why? Whyhyhy? Why does the bolt carrier need to be so biiiig?"

------

"Miss Rose is exceedingly passionate about firearms." Ozpin explained.

------

"And the selector switch. Why does it need to be so far forward. It's supposed to be near the thumb." Ruby sucked in some more air. But you'd need an index finger the size of a Beringal's to reach that teeny-tiny little nub that reminds me of whoever designed it."

"Are we not going to address that thing's barrel length?" Whitley asked.

"No! Having a five fucking inch barrel makes sense when you're firing pistol rounds. What doesn't make sense is the muzzle break big enough to double the barrel length to compensate for the recoil when you empty that single-stack-thin magazine in one burst. Where does anyone even find this crap?"

"I believe that father accepted an offer from an esteemed personage reputed throughout the community in the dignified circles of Atlas." Whitley replied.

------

"Fancy way of saying 'he'd sue me if I said his name.'" Ironwood muttered.

------

"Ah yes, how could I have forgotten," Ruby muttered. "Everybody has heard of Bubba, scion of the eight hundred year old House of von Bubbastein."

"And that rail. It looks like it was converted from a KA-74's gas tube that got put on backwards before they stuck a cheap-o red dot on it." Ruby dipped back into her hands to sob quietly for a few seconds. "And what's with the giant Putterware trunnion and the bulky stock that was probably made by the guy from image one. Truly, you must need a lot of mass to handle all of the recoil from the your blowback-operated carbine. Can, can that gun even cycle. Does that what? 9x18 Markhov? produce enough recoil to push back that bolt carrier the size of a house? Markhov's a good round. In a compact or a subcompact against human or faunus enemies without Aura, at close range. Because that's what it was made for. Why is it in a twelve pound carbine?

"ItsnotaMarkhov." Whitley mumbled.

"What."

"Thatgun'snotchamberedinMarkhov." Whitley mumbled again.

"Well, it looks too small to be chambered in 9 mil Lunge, what else could it possibly be chambered in?"

"Nine-seventeen short." Whitley confessed, giving Ruby pause.

"Whitley. Commit patricide immediately. Everything the White Fang says about your father is correct. Kill him and spend all of the money that would have gone to his funeral on giving your company something chambered in a real caliber. Just leave his body in a dump, it's where he belongs. Him and all of his shit guns."

------

The image froze and went grey in the instant after. Another Whitley walked onto the screen, superimposed in a manner similar to how the video had began. "Only you can prevent cute goths from being exposed to cursed guns. So come to the SDC tent at the 40th Vytal Festival. Participate in our blowout sale. Get up to fifty percent off on our premium stocks. Emerald-grade Plant Dust? 3,000 Lien a crystal. Sapphire-grade Water Dust? 4,000 Lien for a twelve ounce vial. And we have Ruby-grade Fire Dust, down to just 3,200 Lien a crystal, or just 2,500 Lien for a ten ounce vial for all those DIYers who want to mix their own Combustion Dust. Orders exceeding 25,000 Lien will also receive a-"

Another Ruby sprang onto the screen happier, more scantily clad, and holding some sort of machinist's kit. "This amazing combined Dust centrifuge, capable of making even triple-base Dust mixtures at home, and a reloader's tool and die kit, guaranteed to pay for itself within two hundred rounds, absolutely free."

------

James stared at the screen. "I legitimately forgot this was a commercial for a clearance sale."

"It's the SDC's most viewed and most liked video on the CCTnet." Ozpin replied. "And Miss Rose has single handedly done away with all of the negative stereotypes about Atlas. By replacing them all with the notion that your institutes are all run by bubbas. Incidentally, that is why people are upset about being protected by the Atlesian army. In the minds of almost everybody, you can have an unloaded gun and still present a terminal danger to yourself and others. And not even the gun itself will be safe."

Fin

Count's note - Not the happiest that I've been with a snippet. Didn't shit on the Abomination as comprehensively as I wish that I had (there are still design problems that Count hasn't touched). Characters feel too inanimate, just as a vehicle to bang out as many jokes on the cursed guns of RWBY and less like characters in a story. I know that is inevitable to a degree in a one-night writing barrage, sub 2.5k words.

Pleasantly surprised to find that very few cursed guns exist in the world of Remnant (which does make sense, they should (mostly) have guns figured out on a death world. All images are official except for this fanart of Due Process I found on Reddit (by mojojoj) - which like most fanarts adds slide serrations that I don't think were actually on the gun on the show and I thought the bit was too funny to pass up.

I hope you enjoyed and that I managed to stay within the SFW for the thread.

 

[SharkCultist]

Velvets family comes to beacon. It ended up going weird.

*Cardin is surrounded by a small horde of bunny and hare faunus. Most are femboys. The oldest is a fucking huge. All are muscular*

Big bun: so. This is the boy?

Velvet: y-yes?

Big Bun: you let him pull your ears? In front of everyone, and didn't fight back?

Velvet: yes....

Big bun: very well. The courtship is being considered, he must first pass the trial!

Cardin: courtship? Trial?

Big bun: we are prey species faunus. For you to be accepted you must know what it is to be prey.

Cardin: I don't like where this is going.

Big bun: therefore you will have a week where you must dodge our endless hunting. If we catch you-

Cardin: I die?

Big bun: you would wish for death.

Cardin: right, one question first. Hey what's that?!

*Points at the distance behind them then runs away. None of the rabbits looked.*

 

[AndrewJTalon]

The diplomatic dinner was a glittering facade, held in a grand Mistralian hall adorned with woven tapestries and glowing Dust lanterns, the air heavy with the scent of exotic spices and sea salt. Outside, the tropical night hummed, stars piercing the velvet sky. Diplomats and elites from across Remnant mingled, drank, connected and schemed.

On a secluded balcony overlooking the ocean, General James Ironwood and Sienna Khan stood more or less side by side, their wine glasses catching the moonlight. Ironwood's crisp Atlasian uniform gleamed, his prosthetic hand steady on the railing, while Sienna's flowing robes, edged with tiger stripes, rustled in the breeze, her golden eyes sharp but weary.

"It's been a while, Sienna," Ironwood said, his voice low, measured, the weight of years in his tone.

Sienna sipped her wine, her tiger ears twitching slightly. "It has, James. A very long while."

Silence fell, thick with history, the distant murmur of the dinner fading behind them.

"How is the Colonel's family?" Sienna asked, her tone mostly neutral save for the slight hitch at the end. This was never an easy topic, their former commanding officer.

Ironwood sipped his wine, his artificial arm tensing up noticeably before he answered.

"His wife is doing well, still running her flower shop. Their son is running a construction company, and their daughter is helping with the shop."

Sienna nodded slowly, her gaze not leaving the starry horizon.

"That's good. I sent flowers on the anniversary."

"I know, I had to deliver them."

"I can't very well deliver them myself," Sienna said, a bit wryly. Ironwood looked like he was about to say something cold, but he forced himself to hold back.

"No. I suppose you can't," Ironwood said softly.

They returned to staring out into the blackness of the ocean, the waves crashing against the rocky shore and the chatter of the party the only sounds around. Sienna, again, broke the silence.

"This wine," Sienna said quietly, "is terrible."

"It all tastes the same to me," James murmured. "I just drink it out of obligation."

"You never did care much for decorum like that in the old days," Sienna observed, glancing his way. James shrugged.

"The price you pay for ascending in rank," he said, "The lubricant of politics is liquor, money, and flattery."

Sienna smiled almost viciously.

"You were always philosophical. That hasn't changed."

Ironwood fixed his gaze on her for a moment, and shrugged.

"It helps with the burdens of command," he said.

"I suppose so," Sienna acknowledged quietly. Again, silence fell between the two.

Ironwood's jaw tightened, his blue eyes fixed on the horizon and the stars shining in the sky.

"You need to stop your attacks."

Sienna's gaze flicked to him, her voice cool but defensive. "What attacks—?"

"Sienna…" Ironwood's scowl cut through her words, his tone heavy with warning. "Don't."

She held his stare, then sighed, her shoulders slumping slightly. "…It's just for the purposes of gaining leverage."

Ironwood's grip on his glass tightened, his voice rising. "And you think you can put the genie back in the bottle? You think you can keep it under control?"

"We don't have a choice," Sienna snapped. "It's the only way to change things for the better!"

"I'm trying to change the system from inside !" Ironwood countered, his voice sharp, his human hand gesturing forcefully.

"And that won't work!" Sienna shot back, her eyes blazing. "You have to make too many compromises!"

"You'd prefer to burn everything to the ground, no matter how many people you end up killing?! Is that what the Major would want?!" Ironwood's voice rose, his prosthetic hand clenching the railing, metal creaking faintly.

"The Major died because of the system! You…!" She stared at his artificial arm, a hint of grief and guilt appearing in her eyes before she shook her head and continued.

"There's no other way to compel change!" Sienna hissed, her claws flexing around her glass.

They glared at each other, the air crackling with tension, their shared past a ghost between them. Slowly, they both un-tensed, Ironwood's shoulders easing, Sienna's ears stilling. They sipped their wine in unison, the bitterness mirroring the silence that fell, heavy and oppressive.

Sienna's voice was softer, almost wistful. "…You could have come with me."

Ironwood's eyes darkened, his tone flat but pained. "No. I couldn't. You made that clear. There are no humans in the White Fang."

Sienna's gaze dropped to her glass, her voice barely above a whisper. "…I would have made an exception for you."

"You can't have it both ways, Sienna," Ironwood said, his voice steady but laced with regret.

"And if I had come with you?" Sienna asked, her eyes flicking back to him, searching.

Ironwood's jaw tightened, his voice softer. His hand twitched, as though longing to reach out and touch her… But the gap was too great. "You wouldn't be a terrorist. We would have been forging real change—together."

Sienna's laugh was bitter, her ears flattening. "You're right. I am a terrorist. But we're making things change. Real change."

"Through fear, and hatred, and resentment," Ironwood said, his tone heavy, his eyes unyielding.

"Everything has a price," Sienna replied, her voice resolute but tinged with exhaustion.

"And how long before that price gets too high?" Ironwood pressed, his gaze piercing.

Sienna's eyes flickered, her voice a murmur. "…I don't know."

They fell silent again, sipping their wine, the bitterness lingering on their tongues. The ocean's
distant crash filled the void.

Ironwood's voice was low, almost a growl. "If we keep this up, Sienna… one day, I'll have to kill you. Or you'll have to kill me."

Sienna's breath hitched, her eyes meeting his. "…It doesn't have to come to that."

"You know better," Ironwood said, his voice heavy with inevitability.

Sienna sighed deeply, her gaze drifting to the stars. "…There was a time I would have given up everything for you. Was there a time like that for you?"

Ironwood's expression tightened, his prosthetic hand flexing. "…I can't answer that. And it's not fair to ask me that."

"No…" Sienna murmured, her voice soft, broken. "No, it isn't."

Silence fell once more, the weight of their choices a tangible force. From the hall, their subordinates watched—Winter Schnee, her posture rigid in her Atlasian uniform, and Adam Taurus, his horns glinting, his red eyes narrowed, not yet lost to his darker Path.

"What is your general trying to do to my leader?" Adam growled.

"I believe I could ask the same thing," Winter said, her blue eyes studying the scene intently. "They were on the same Atlas team together before she…"

Her eyes eyes widened in shocked realization. She couldn't help a slight smile. Adam scowled intently.

"What?"

Winter's voice was low, her ice-blue eyes sharp. "I see… They used to be together ."

Adam's jaw clenched, his voice a growl. "What? No! Sienna would never sully herself with—"

"A human?" Winter cut in, her smirk sharp as she sipped her wine.

Adam's glare sharpened. "…An Atlasian military commander."

Winter's smirk widened, her tone dry. "I suppose men are all the same, whether human or Faunus."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Adam demanded, his hand twitching toward his sword.

Winter's eyes glinted, her voice cool. "They cannot see what's right in front of them when a woman is in love."

Adam's scowl deepened, his voice a huff. "Hmph…"

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Been rewatching Ghost in the Shell: SAC. It's still amazing, one of the best animes ever made. But it did make me think about the possibilities of the scifi/fantasy police procedural in the world of Remnant. Now, naturally there are two problems:

1: RWBY wasn't written like that, it was more of a shonen battle school kind of anime which rarely has speculative fiction elements that explore the world itself.

2: CRWBY wasn't intelligent enough to write anything like that. Hell, I think an episode of GiTS:SAC would leave no impact on them-It would be like a dog barking at flashing lights. Or their heads would explode.

So here's three ideas for mysteries/speculative fiction ideas to explore in Remnant, that could be interesting. Concepts that might be possible in-universe. And could be part of plots for RWBY, JNPR, or others to solve. Heck, a good old fashioned noir PI story with Qrow could work too.

1: A person with an unregistered Semblance is able to transfer their age into others, to allow themselves to stay young-But the cost gets higher and higher as they get older. The Vale City police find a number of people who died of old age, despite being in their 20s and 30s according to their records. So the Vale PD (Perhaps their Specialist division for cases like this) is assigned to find who's committing these murders.

2: Healing Dust transfers Aura from one person to another to a limited extent, which helps with healing and improves people's lives. Black market and street level versions of Healing Dust is also manufactured, which is not up to the same standards but is something the poor and desperate would need. You could also use Healing Dust to target Aura at the brain's pleasure centers, causing euphoria-Essentially a drug. Poor quality Healing Dust can also transfer aspects of the soul to others-Memories in particular. Dust Junkies might get the memories of the user. Which has all sorts of possibilities for stories.

3: There is a terrorist group called the Aurae: They feel that those with powerful Auras have been blessed by the gods and are destined to rule over the rest of Remnant's population. That they are superior and deserve to be the rulers of mankind and faunus alike. They recruit powerful Aura users, often Hunters who were blacklisted, ex-Atlas Aura unlocked soldiers, criminals, bandits, etc. They are very survival of the fittest oriented, and tend to launch terrorist attacks to demonstrate the weakness of non-Aura empowered individuals. The Vytal Tournament has several potential targets over the course of the festival, so security would be tight. They might also be used by Cinder for her plans.

What do you think?

 

[SharkCultist]

...I have a evilly funny idea.

Whitley is pissed about Weiss running off to beacon and leaving him alone with the drunk and the dickhead.

So he decided to ruin it for her? Using capitalism.

Whitley buys his way into Atlas academy (for just the vytal festival), buys his way into a competing team and....

Whitley: ah, you must be my opponent a miss Take correct?.

Kate: my first name is Kate, and I'm gonna win this!

Whitley: cute, now how about you surrender and we can get on with our day?

Kate: why would I do that?

Whitley: I'm so glad you asked! I just purchased this lovely house in downtown Mistral. 322102 macha drive.

Kate: hey that's my house!

Whitney: was your house, but I would be happy to give it to you as a consolation prize for your loss, otherwise I'll be doing some redecorating soon. With firebombs.

Kate:...I give up.

Whitley: yes. You do. *Tosses her a scroll* the house is paid for the next decade and I already added a indoor pool and renovated the kitchen, enjoy that. Oh and your parents say hi.

*Whitley walks off fully prepared to make a mockery of sportsmanship for this entire trip*

 

[CountvonBarnOwl]

Ruby Reacts to Cursed Guns part 2

"AND WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONVERSATION!" Jaune angrily shouted back at Team BRNZ.

"No Jaune, we're all in the middle of a battle. All of us." Pyrrha reminded him.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" As the television feed played inside of the SDC clearance sale tent, Ruby Rose laughed uproariously at her friend's plight, falling off of her chair and nearly spilling her ice cream.

"And that's the same Jaune Arc that struck out with Weiss seventeen times? Right?" Whitley Schnee asked from behind the cash register.

"Yeah. I mean... He's a good guy. I mean I wouldn't object if he started up a relationship with my big sister but... Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, he needs to work on his situational awareness." Ruby shrugged and shoveled another spoonful of cookie dough ice cream down her mouth. After making the strategic decision to bow out after the 4v4s, she had gone off to help Weiss' super cute brother/her new fellow gun enthusiast run the SDC tent. Well, he was still doing the selling. Ruby was off near the back of the tent being the clearance Sale's mascot. And Crescent rose had taken up a post next to his mother's chair, strategically propped so Ruby could bring his muzzle to bear, and she could introduce any would-be shoplifters or White Fang soldiers - although it looked as if they had chosen to be quiet for the festival, it seemed - to the latest iteration of the .50RSR, or 12.7x103 if you were from Atlas, which, incidentally the boy who helped her design the latest iteration of the cartridge, the one that had been on full display at the Vytal Festival, was.

Whitley had been thrilled to have her around while he worked. His longshot ad campaign had earned him a few harsh words from his father, and more (in a raised tone) for not reprimanding Ruby for all of the jokes at his expense. Followed by a short, even-toned summation of the positive effect that his viral video had had on both customer engagement and sale volume in the run-up to the festival. It was as close to a "well done" as Whitley had ever gotten from any of his close relations. So he quietly marked it off as a win and ended the call, privately noting.

In his mind, Ruby Rose hazardously altruistic, frighteningly naive, and concerningly innocent. But he couldn't bring himself begrudge in her any of those traits. Not when there was so much for them to talk about. Mostly involving guns and Dust, but they had been sharing other interests too, lately. Which was why it took very little convincing to get Ruby to agree to put on a swimsuit and appear at the tent. They couldn't have an event without a mascot, after all.

Of course the minute he showed her the garment, Ruby's face broke into a lascivious smile. She made a point of putting it on in front of him It looked amazing. It was a black one-piece, not unlike the swimsuits the Academies issued, but for the fact that it was shoulder-less, ending in two layers of red pleated ruffles, that strings held to a matching pair of puffy, pillowy long sleeves.

Whitley's blunt approach to marketing saw the stock clear like never before. It was hardly after three, and he only had a few crystals and vials left to clear. Turns out, a goth girl in a swimsuit and big heavy boots, carrying a scythe draws in all sorts of customers. From children who want to buy Dust from the pretty Huntress lady to boys his age and men worryingly beyond whose (suspected) intentions made Whitley feel the never-before-felt urge to go for the 'insurance policy' that he kept behind the counter.

"We interrupt this program to bring you this special report." The screen had started up again, the familiar voice of Lisa Lavender filling the tent. "The Vytal Festival has been delayed. I'm standing here in the commentator's booth where the disturbance has taken place. With me is Professor Peter Port of Beacon, who witnessed the event. Peter."

"Well, how do I put this... Barty decided that a two-day old burrito and about a dozen or so of the really spicy chicken tenders would be a good lunch. Of course, he washed it down with coffee, and now I believe he has come to regret that decision."

"Indeed he has, Professor. We here at VNN recorded audio of someone we may believe could have been the person that Professor Port alleged. Viewer discretion is advised, play the clip Verde." Only for her voice to continue playing without her mouth moving. "Of course it's a gross violation of privacy, but when has that ever stopped any journalist worth the name. Now for the last time, Verde, march your ass into that bathroom and bring me back something juicy. And I swear if you fuck up the audio cut again it will mean your job. Ta-taa." The newscaster's voice became more and more sickly-sweet with every word, while, paradoxically, the same newscaster's face darkened, and her scowl deepened on screen with every word.

Verde, the presumed cameraman, nudged a men's room door open with the microphone boom. And once the seal was broken, it broadcast what it had picked up.

"OH HOT HOT HOTHOTHOTHOT OHOHOH HOTOTHOTHOTHOT Ahh, Ahh, oh no, oh nononoHOTHOTHOTHOTHOT AAAAH WHYYYYYYY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH WHY MEEEHEHEEHEE??? Breaker, Brothers, Horned God, Flag, Anybody, I swear I'll stop sneaking artifacts out of your old temples to show off at my class or keep on display in my office, PLEHEHEEASSSSE make this pain go away. I MEAN IT THIS TIME. WAHAAAAAAA."

There was probably more, but that appeared to be the limit of Verde's tolerance for embarrassment or, more likely, his sense of smell if the... sloppy... that was the word that Whitley was going with, yes, very sloppy sounds that interspersed with the Beacon teacher's lamentations anything to go by.

Ruby, meanwhile, was laughing herself blue in the face. She was not the type to find very much humor in bodily functions, but what schoolgirl wouldn't laugh at her professor's expense.

The screen had cut back to Lisa Lavender, who was trying to straighten her now very ruined hair with her fingers, that all had conspicuously blood-caked knuckles. "Good afternoon Vale. I'm standing here with my camera now mounted on a tripod after my ex-cameraman Verde's ribs all mysteriously broke. It would appear that Doctor Oobleck will not be able to continue with his duties. However there has been a positive development. We'll ask Professor Port just what that development is now."

"I'm calling up a substitute." He replied.

And then Ruby's scroll went off.

"Hello." Ruby replied automatically.

"Miss Rose, come to the Announcer's booth immediately. You'll be taking over Barty's job effective immediately."

"What?!" Ruby shouted in the tent. "I can't color comment. My... My knees are too normal."

"You can if you want me to forget about that paper you turned in instead of your homework three weeks ago when I'm grading your final. You know, the one with all of the disparaging doodles. Especially since I don't think it's fair to call me 'Professor Poop' in light of today's events."

--------

"Okay, okay, I'll be right over. Sorry about the exhibit Whitley. Mwah." That had been the last thing everybody tuned into VNN to watch the Vytal Festival heard before Ruby remembered to hang up.

"Well it seems that the SDC Sweetheart of the Cute Goths and Cursed Guns Clearance Event will be making an unexpected re-entry into the Vytal Festival. We'll be back to your regularly scheduled programming when she arrives."

"I'm here, I'm here, I'm here." Ruby all but battered the door off its hinges with Crescent Rose. "I'd have gotten here faster, but, lady stilts." Ruby explained, clonking the long - though chunky - heels that formed the base of the knee-high patent leather goth girl shit kickers that she had gotten from a pair of friends, two of the vanishingly few she had outside of Beacon who heard that Ruby was crushing on a boy she was barely taller than. She switched into them when she went off to see Whitley at the SDC booth and ended up having to do a little meet-and-greet with more than a few of the small children who wanted the 'Funny Gun Lady's' autograph. Handing those out made her smile, and quietly thankful that they were all too young to understand a few of the things that she had said and done.

"So, Ruby Rose," Lisa Lavender started up, "what is your relationship with Whitley Schnee?"

"He's cute and he knows a lot about guns, he's great with Dust, he's my teammate's brother, and, fwah! No comment. No comment."

"You heard it here first Vale. Ruby Rose has the hots for Whitley Schnee." Lisa Lavender said into the camera as she took the sound of an unfolding sniper scythe behind her as a cue to leave.

Before Ruby could go charging after the reporter Professor Port put her in a hold. "Calm down Miss Rose. Your friends, Team SSSN will be going up next. Surely you'd prefer talking about their weapons to scalping TV personalities, right?"

"Scalping, what a lovely suggestion... I mean you're absolutely right, professor." Ruby said with a smile that was too wide to be anatomically correct.

"They'll be up against Team NDGO in a boys versus girls matchup in half rocky mesa, half pirate's cove terrain." Port continued.

"Right, I've only seen Sun's weapon before. Ruyi Bang and Jingu Bang are a pair of lever action shotgun-chucks. A chaotic weapon that guarantees a clear room once you've run through a drill. The flip-side is that you need insane control and precision to make it work. His can combine into a three-section staff for added reach, but that's pretty much all I know. So watching Team SSSN and Team NDGO bring all of their weapons to bear will be a learning experience for me too. And it looks like the weapons are coming out now. Sun's starting off with the staff I see. Scarlet next to him has drawn a cutlass and a flintlock. He's only got one shot before a cumbersome reload. The mental mathematics at play about where, and when, to fire to make the most of it should be interesting to watch, seeing that he has no choice but to make it a game-changer. Back to you Professor."

"An excellent summation Miss Rose. But it looks like Team NDGO has pulled Team SSSN into the rocky desert area. They've trained in Vacuo and know how best to use their Semblances accordingly. And before I even finish talking, Dew Gayl creates a trio of twisters with her spear and throws Sage Ayana out of bounds. An early elimination tilts the tables substantially in Team NDGO's favor. And it seems that a miscommunication has occurred between Sun Wukong and Neptune Vasilias. Octavia Ember moves to capitalize and... No, nothing of the sort. Neptune's gun creates room for a devastating counterattack. It's one to one for eliminations now. What do You think about that Miss Rose?" Port turned to Ruby, who was sitting in her chair, completely inert - and noticeably gobsmacked - at the sight before her. "Miss Rose? Miss Rose..."

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE?!?!" Ruby exploded to her feet, both hands out.

The burst of rage caught the whole stadium, and even brought the fight in the arena to a dead stop, with even the belligerents searching their positions, stances, and memories for what could have potentially set Ruby off.

But for those who Ruby was closest to, and those who had a decent modicum of firearm knowledge, the problem was obvious. And Ruby would like to imagine that the sight of the thing had been what had distracted Octavia.

Spoiler: The Cursed Gun of Team SSSN

"I'm going to be nice and not say anything about the barrel, because I assume the Dust and electromagnet array can compensate for that tiny, mini, itty-bitty shirmp barrel length you've got going on there. But I know that you or somebody that you've let borrow that weapon have used that thing as a carry-handle. Did- no Ruby, you just promised not to make any jokes about his accelerator array. So let's talk about how that thing feeds. The magazine is angled in the wrong fucking direction! At least I think so because I don't see where the chamber could be other than above the hinge. I hope for your sake that it is just an unfortunately shaped battery and that the gun you're holding works with pure directed energy and doesn't just linearize Dust. Because so help me if I find that there is some sort of small claw crane or autoloader like on an unmanned tank to extract solid-state ammunition and feed it into your chamber..."

Ruby inhaled, and then exhaled, and then inhaled, and then exhaled again.

"Alright Ruby, breathe, breathe. Just assume it is a directed energy weapon. There. Not so bad. The trigger is a fucking fingerprint scanner on your thumbhole stock which has NO GUARD and no geometry to let you know whether or not your fingers are where they need to be. It's just a smooth panel with an LED light that blends in with the grip. Up until today, I considered hair-triggers risky. WEISS!" Ruby abruptly turned the conversation on her teammate, picking up the microphone and pointing down where her team sat. "What is with your taste in men?! Do you really want a guy whose carbine goes off at the slightest touch? Just because we have Aura doesn't mean we can stop being serious about unintentional discharges. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it would be if you went in to wrap your arms around him and he popped? Just, right there. Let one loose. And he's got no barrel length to speak of so who knows where it's gonna go?"

--------

As Ruby ranted, a quarter of a world away, in a manse better fit to be called a palace, forty-three kilometers above the world, a man watched the Vytal Festival broadcast, and he schemed.

'Hmm, my heiress,' he mused for an instant on how tenuous that position was, 'has a taste in boys with blue hair in a peculiar style and no sense for firearms design.' Buying those, even he couldn't bear to call them weapons anymore. What had been a kind gesture to one of the movers and shakers of the highest strata of Atlesian politics, a kiss on the hand, had become the subject of the most successful ad campaign in the company's history. At the expense of his own image. He could buy and sell most of the Atlesian old money five or six times over, but Nicholas Schnee was an early Huntsman who saw how much money the MTC was raking in from Dust while doing escort missions for them, and decided that he wanted to be as wealthy as the people who were signing his paychecks. And with his passing, the Schnee name moved onto the second generation. Jacques - he had not been Jacques Gele in a long time - was even less, a Mantelian street rat who clawed his way up inch by bloody-fingered inch. So if he wanted connections, in his lifetime, the kind that would cement the Schnee name, he needed to play nice with the people already in. Dropping a contract on a small firm owned directly by a big name was as direct as an overture could be. But Jacques was no weapons expert. And it took the boy to say that the King of Vacuo had no clothes.

They had argued about it, of course, and the boy had even displayed a modicum of spine, trying to negotiate him up to signing off on a ten millimeter magnum battle rifle and a twelve gauge shot-pistol for every one of their security personnel. He eventually talked the boy down to an 8.6 - which could conceivably kill an Ursa, while being much less risky to fire in the mines, with an autopistol in Markhov once the boy impressed upon him the need for a supplement.

Of course there was still the matter of the keepers of the proverbial keys. An ancient family, an ancient, blue-haired family, an ancient, blue-haired, and predisposed to odd styles and bad guns family. He wondered if they had any sons Weiss' age.

He motioned to the mountain of cybernetics that stood silent among the armor displays. It was time to visit his progeny and discuss their futures. He might even let the boy keep his little flower.

--------

Ruby, of course, remained heedless to the machinations ongoing in Atlas, continued tearing into Neptune's weapon, "And that riser on that riser that you mounted your front sight on. You're not as bad as General Ironwood's pistol with the height over bore but what you've done is created a fixed sight set for indirect fire with what is possibly a pure directed energy weapon. So, we've got the magazine, possibly the feed, the whole gun itself when whatever you want to shoot is in your sights. Is everything with you just set at an angle? Again, Weiss, is this what it takes to impress you?"

After another minute or so of her protestations, Ruby calmed down, and the fight resumed, with the remains of Team SSSN pulling an easy victory because Team NDGO were still mostly laughing too hard to put up a fight.

Ruby would later be evicted from the commentator's booth lest her hot-blooded critiques of others' weapons delay the festival by a week.

--------
Epilogue - Later, the Fall of Vale
--------

This had not been the best week for Neptune Vasilias. First, Ruby Rose, of all people, had roasted him like a holiday ham in front of all of Remnant. Then everything went to pieces. It all started when Pyrrha Nikos killed Penny Polendina (who had actually been a robot) then somebody hacked the CCT network and ALL, that was to say ALL of Atlas' robots. And then the White Fang showed up again and let a bunch of Grimm into Vale and Beacon. And then he got Separated from his team and had to fight off a Paladin with some other students. But they were all older, so it worked out. Only for him to get separated again and then nearly crushed by a landing aircraft. And now he was agreeing to escort an old man in a white suit, and his black-cloaked bodyguard, to Ironwood's makeshift command post at the skydocks. The man had put his airship down elsewhere, in the interests of avoiding the crossfire, and was now demanding to be taken to his children.

"So who are we looking for, exactly?" Neptune asked. "Is it not obvious, my children, Weiss and Whitley Schnee." The man replied. "You're Weiss' dad?" Neptune asked. "Correct. And you're the boy who earned the ire of the best thing to happen to my marketing department since I took over the company."

'Damn it, Ruby!' Neptune thought to himself.

"And according to her, my daughter fancies you, doesn't she?" There was a trap in that sentence, Neptune knew it.

"Yes, sir." came Neptune's response, neutrally, and politely, to minimize his footprint.

"Goood." Jacques said, in a low tone that set off alarms in Neptune's head. 'WHERE DID I FUCK UP?!' He wondered.

"Fafnir, crush his balls."

'Wuh?" Neptune's legs were moving before even his subconscious could process what the man had said. And by the time it had they were putting up a pace with Ruby's Semblance. And by the time he heard the rumbling, static-y laughter, they were definitely outpacing her. Yet why did it sound like the laughter was getting louder...

'Obstacle cleared.' Jacques Schnee thought to himself before heading toward what he assumed to be Ironwood's makeshift command post. He had caught a glimpse of something on the fly-over, and though it had been years since he was last in Vale, he had enough of a mental map of the general area that he could reasonably find his way from Point A to Point B, or at least, from Point A to a place where he could easily find Point B. He drew his new gun from his coat pocket and started walking.

Fin

Lesson Learned. Maybe promising to deliver as early as Count did wasn't a good idea. Count promised the weekend but didn't want it hanging over him on Sunday. Only one cursed gun for Ruby to comment on this time but Count had to set the stage for her to take it on. That kind of ended up becoming the project in and of itself, and to my own chagrin I set out to fire off a few jokes and cleared the 3.4k word mark writing a story. Of course, because Count wanted this to still be comedy he had to start forcing laughs the cheap way.

Other events in the Cursed Guns-verse that Count might want to do? Writing them in my own time though. No more deadlines.

- Taiyang and Qrow's reaction to hearing Ruby kiss a boy on live TV

- Jacques meeting Ruby and it not going well for him considering that Fafnir is still chasing Neptune

- If and how Neptune escapes Fafnir

- If and how Lisa Lavender escapes Ruby now that Vale has collapsed and the rule of law doesn't really apply.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Fun random idea: How would Blake try to convince Katy of the gloriousness of Menagerie's cause?

Blake: "Menagerie is the homeland of all Faunus!

Katy: "Not mine."

Blake: "But why continue to serve humans?!"

Katy: "Um, my family doesn't. We're neighbors and friends. We own our farm."

Blake: "Only because humans gave it to you!"

Katy: "Uh, yeah. Because we were loyal retainers and knights."

Blake: "..."

Katy: "You do realize there were Faunus throughout history that lived out fairly stable lives, right? And were granted titles of nobility? When the Arcs were kings, we were Counts."

Blake: "Counts?"

Katy: "Like, we ruled Radian County on behalf of the Arcs when they were royalty."

Blake: "But why do you only own a farm now?!"

Katy: "Well, because my ancestors were about as good with money as the Arcs. And we usually sided with the Arcs and so, when their fortunes fell, so did ours."

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Arjun and Saia had cleared out of the training yard. Isabel and Nick didn't know why... Until a certain member of Team STRQ barreled in.

Raven: "NICK ARC! FIGHT ME!"

Nick: "Okay!"

Isabel: "NO! Every time you two idiots fight, you fight for hours and have to go to the infirmary!"

Nick: "But Izzzyyyyy... Fighting her is cool!"

Isabel: "NO! Go fight Taiyang!"

Raven: "I already fought him! He's in the infirmary!"

Isabel: "Well go fight Qrow!"

Raven: "He and Summer ran away! FIGHT ME!"

Isabel: Sighs. "Fine, in that case, I'll fight you!" Turns to Nick. "Nick you act as the referee, and, no, you can't join in!"

Nick: "But Izzyyyyy!"

Isabel: "Not buts!"

Raven: "What? You're a medic! How much fun will you be to fight?"

Isabel: Nods. "That's right, I am a medic..." Gestures to the area surrounding them. ", but this isn't a field, it's an operating table, and I'm the Surgeon." Cracks knuckles.

Raven: Grins "Well well... That's quite a boast. Let's see if you can back it up!"

They had renovate the entire courtyard that day, but even still it ended with Isabelle's victory. The aftermath of which saw the majority of Isabel's clothes torn to pieces and ruined beyond recognition, and Raven nearly unconscious laying in the center of a massive crater, her opponents standing above her.

Isabel: "Haa... Haa... Haa... Haa... Back it up... Yourself... BITCH!"

Nick: "IZZY! THAT WAS SO COOL!"

Isabelle: Smiles, a slight blush dusting her cheeks. "Thanks Nick, now if you could help me-" It was at that moment that the remnants of Isabelle's clothes finally gave way.

Raven: "H-Hey! You can't ogle her! Ogle me! My boobs are way bigger!"

Nick: "Oh... Wow..."

Raven: "H-Hey! You can't ogle her! Ogle me! My boobs are way bigger!"

Isabel stomped on her face.

Isabel: "I'M A LATE BLOOMER DAMNIT!"

 

[LordofBones]

Fun random idea: How would Blake try to convince Katy of the gloriousness of Menagerie's cause?

Blake: "Menagerie is the homeland of all Faunus!

Click to shrink...

Katy: "Menagerie wasn't even a thing a century back. Did we all just pop out of thin air one day?"

Katy: "Not mine."

Blake: "But why continue to serve humans?!"

Katy: "Um, my family doesn't. We're neighbors and friends. We own our farm."

Click to shrink...

Katy: "I mean, other than when Jaune and me played Prince and Loyal Vassal..." *drools*

Blake: "Only because humans gave it to you!"

Click to shrink...

Katy: "Humans also gave you Menagerie."

Blake: "We won it in a war!"

Katy: "You won bumfuck nowhere in a war and proceeded to set up a glorified dictatorship. Remind me, how large is the Belladonna compound and how long has your family ruled?"

Katy: "You do realize there were Faunus throughout history that lived out fairly stable lives, right? And were granted titles of nobility? When the Arcs were kings, we were Counts."

Blake: "Counts?"

Katy: "Like, we ruled Radian County on behalf of the Arcs when they were royalty."

Click to shrink...

Katy: "Who taught you history, anyway?"

Blake: "History is racist!"

Blake: "But why do you only own a farm now?!"

Katy: "Well, because my ancestors were about as good with money as the Arcs. And we usually sided with the Arcs and so, when their fortunes fell, so did ours."

Click to shrink...

Katy: "Also, way to be classist, Your Highness."

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Technical Profile: M-77AA Sky Drake Anti-Air Tank

• Type: Self Propelled Anti-Air/Anti-Personnel
• Manufacturer: Kalvis Motors
• Origin: Vale
• Role: Anti-aircraft defense, anti-Grimm operations, anti-personnel support, convoy protection
• First Deployment: Year 71 Post-Great War
• Cost: Moderate (cost-effective modular design, higher than M-77 Chimera due to advanced targeting systems)
• Dimensions (Adapted from M-77 Chimera):
  • Length: 7.5 meters (slightly longer than Chimera for radar integration, based on Sun Devil's 10.2m actual length)
  • Width: 3.5 meters (wider for stability)
  • Height: 3.0 meters (taller turret for autocannons)
  • Weight: 35,000 kg (heavier than Chimera due to turret and radar)
• Crew: 3 (driver, gunner, commander.
• Powerplant: Kalvis D-8 Combustion Dust Engine (700 horsepower)
• Performance:
  • Top Speed: 50 mph (80 km/h) on roads; 40 mph (64 km/h) off-road (slower than Chimera for turret stability)
  • Range: 350 miles (extendable to 450 miles with external Dust canisters)
  • Ground Clearance: 0.5 meters
• Armament:
  • Primary: 4 x Quad-Linked Winchester M-38 40mm Dust-Accelerated Autocannons (full-rotation turret, elevation to 70 degrees, Fire, Ice and Lightning Dust remote or sensor detonated rounds, 140 rounds/min, 600 rounds each, effective against Nevermores, Manta-class airships, and light Grimm hordes)
  • Secondary: 1 x Coaxial 7.62mm Machine Gun (Lightning Dust-enhanced, 2,000 rounds, for anti-personnel use)
• Defenses:
  • Composite armor (titanium-steel with Ceramic Dust plating, resistant to 25mm rounds and Grimm claws, lighter than Sun Devil's ceramic-titanium for mobility)
  • Anti-Grimm Sonic Emitters (75-meter radius, deters smaller Grimm, adapted from VDF airships)
  • Multi-use Grenade Launchers (Smoke, Ice Dust-based for concealment, etc, 8 canisters)
• Electronics:
  • Sky Drake Sensor Suite: Thermal, radar, Dust-signature detection; tracks up to 50 targets (air or ground).
  • Secure Comms Array: Encrypted links to VDF command, Huntsmen, and airships (e.g., Banshee, Nereids)
  • Terrain Mapping System: Real-time analysis.
• Special Features:
  • Full-Rotation Turret: 360-degree autocannon turret for rapid tracking of aerial threats.
  • Modular Chassis: Shares M-77 Chimera hull for cost-effective production, allowing field conversions to standard Chimera
  • All-Terrain Tracks: Optimized for Sanus' forests, Vacuo's dunes, Mistral's rugged terrain, and Menagerie's coastal islands
  • Dust Refueling System: External canisters for extended range in remote operations
  • Anti-Air Radar Package: Compact Wayland QR-33 radar dome for tracking aerial Grimm or airships.
• Variants:
  • Sky Drake-EA (Enhanced Anti-Air): Includes 8 x Redspot ASM-22 missiles for increased anti-air capacity

---

Background and Development
Kalvis Motors, Vale's leading vehicle manufacturer, designed the M-77AA Sky Drake to address the VDF's need for a modern mobile anti-air platform. Commissioned post-Mount Glenn disaster, the Sky Drake counters aerial Grimm (e.g., Nevermores, Griffons) and Atlas' advanced airships (e.g., Manta-class, AH-33 Eisenfaust), while supporting ground operations in Vale's territory.

Developed over three years, the Sky Drake uses the M-77 Chimera's modular chassis for cost efficiency, replacing the 120mm cannon with four quad-linked 40mm autocannons and a radar package. Tested in Forever Fall against Nevermores and in Vacuo's deserts against rogue airships, the Sky Drake proved effective at shredding aerial targets and light Grimm hordes. Its lighter armor (compared to Sun Devil's 66 tons) enhances mobility for Sanus' forests and islands, but it remains vulnerable to heavy anti-tank weapons. The Sky Drake's reliance on Vale's Dust supply is a risk, mitigated by Kalvis' local production. It's QR-33 Radar Tracking System gives it excellent accuracy against Grimm or airships.

The Sky Drake can engage Grimm Hordes in the air or ground, making them a very flexible and effective combat platform. It is actually produced in larger numbers than the Chimera MBT.

 

[SharkCultist]

Instead of being blackmailed by Cardin Jaune goes to Ozpin himself and tells him about his transcripts.

Oz: Ok? I'm not sure why you're telling me this.

Jaune: buh? But I lied and came into the school under false pretenses!

Oz: Mr.Arc let me tell you a secret. Everyone lies in their transcripts.

Jaune: huh?

*Ozpin pulls out some folders*

Oz: Yang xaio-long, underage drinking, destruction of property, speeding tickets. Ren and Nora, lied about their address because they're homeless. Ruby Rose, that one to be fair I did the doctoring on, it was easier than going through official channels to get her into the school. Not to mention the students that are former terrorist and counter terrorist, or bastards.

Jaune: even Cardin faked his transcripts?

Oz: yes. Not any of the class information but he did lie about his name.

Jaune: his name isn't cardin?

Oz: no it is, but his middle name isn't bruner. It's Leslie.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

I think it would be fun to write a short where a Hunter is brought in and does one of those "Expert comments on Scenes in a Movie" video. Like this:


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CtWqv0Z3ErM

It might be fun to flesh out the older characters, though being me, I would use many of my own OCs.

"No, you don't attack an S-Rank Grimm all alone. Not unless you have a death wish. You will just get killed 99 out of 100 times. Better to withdraw, get the locals to evacuate, and call in backup. Preferably the military with air strikes and artillery."

Oobleck as an archaeologist and research Huntsman, Port for how they hunted back in the day (And he's actually super serious in such an interview). Qrow for modern work. They would be fun. And my OCs too:

Port: "Sticky Dust charges can be useful but against S-Rank Class Grimm, it's basically total desperation. If you have no other choice. And engaging an S-Rank Grimm on your own is suicide 99 out of 100 times. In cases where I encountered an A-Rank or higher? We'd withdraw, evacuate the local village, and call in backup. There is plenty of honor to be had sharing it with other fighters if you kill such a monster-None if you are dead. So yes, it's a fun old movie, but in real life? He would be dead. 99 Times over."

Qrow: "Listen... Truth is, I'm not always drunk. I never get drunk on an op. You cannot afford to be drunk when lives are on the line. But acting like I'm drunk can be very useful. There are some Semblances where you can get more powerful while drinking liquor but everyone who had that? Tended to die young."

Isabel Arc: "Ohhh boy... This scene." sighs "Regenerating limbs with Medical Dust is, at this point in time, impossible. You can reattach limbs and heal them back together if you get them soon enough, but not regenerate. It's possible you could do it with a Semblance but so far we don't know of anyone with such a Semblance."

Nick Arc: "What?! How is he-Okay, this is a fun movie but this is not how you fight with a sword. There's a dozen openings in both of these guys' stances and neither of them is taking advantage of it? Also they move so slowly. It's really boring!"

Rufus Winchester: "Ugh... Look. I get that in a movie you need obstacles for the hero to get through. And the Hunter Captain who doesn't believe them and takes away their license is required in movies like this. But I think if you'd blown up a few Dust transports and set fire to a city block, maybe the Hunter Captain has a point? I was a Hunter Captain before I went into politics: If any of the Hunters under my command did this? I'd toss them in jail!"

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Yang and Jaune were at a bar, relaxing. Jaune looked especially exhausted.

Jaune: "Geez..."

Yang: "You look like hell. Your sister got you running all over the place?"

Jaune: "Yeah. I mean it's extra credit and I need it, but sheesh. It's like I never left home."

Yang: "Heh. Bet you were always a good big bro, huh?"

Jaune: "I did my best. All siblings can do, huh?"

Yang: "Totally. And uh... Hey. I know the fake engagement thing... Screwed you over."

Jaune: "I mean, not as badly as Blake's did."

Yang: giggles "Yeah, that was a riot... After I stopped being angry. Which I still am."

Jaune: "Well, if it helps I value my fake engagement with you more than my fake engagement with Blake. The family's trolling me less over that one."

Yang: "Aw."

Jaune: "But seriously... Pyrrha likes me too?! Ruby does?!"

Yang: "I mean Pyrrha was hard to read but I figured after the dance she probably had a thing for you... I sure did. You did a great thing for Weisscream, even if Neptune was a total loser."

Jaune: smiles "Thanks Yang."

Yang: "And ya know... I'd have gone with you if you'd asked."

Jaune: "Before or after making me your fiance?"

Yang: "Come on, I said I was sorry! What, you want me to be your sex slave?"

Jaune: "I'd rather you be my wife."

Yang: bright red

Jaune: "But ya know, given Blake is a princess and all-"

Yang: "OH LIKE HELL!" She grabbed Jaune's collar "You don't get to joke about shit like that!"

Jaune: "I-I mean you do?"

Yang: "Grrr..." pouts

Jaune: "But you know, there are fairy tales where the dragon is actually a princess the knight saves so... You know..."

Yang: rolls her eyes and snickers "Dork."

Jaune: "Yeah."

Yang: "Since when did you get all confident?"

Jaune: "I dunno, probably when I realized my life is insane and I shouldn't worry as much about it?"

Yang: "Heh..."

???: "Jaune?"

Yang and Jaune turn. An older, muscle bound man with a bald head, beard, glasses and red shirt approaches. Jaune grins.

Jaune: "Uncle Laurel-!"

Larry: "Larry! Come on kid, you know what I'm called." He chuckles and hugs Jaune. Jaune returns it.

Jaune: "It's great to see you!"

Yang: "Wait, is he an uncle on your mom's side or grandpa's side-?"

Jaune: "What? Oh no, he's not an Arc. He's just one of my dad's best friends!"

Larry: "Larry Lawful. Nice to meet you. Jaune's fiance, Yang right? Think that's what your dad said, in between his cheers about you gettin' hitched to five girls."

Jaune: "Ahhhh... Ummmm..."

Yang: "It's... Complicated?"

Larry: laughs "Always is with you Arcs. Your dad's one of my best friends because of the crazy shit he got into. Gave me the best bar stories, never had to pay for drinks when I got out of the clink."

Yang: "Oh? You were in jail?"

Larry: "Yeah... Did some bad things in my life. Nick's the one who caught me... But he also helped me turn my life around. Guy actually got me a job when I got out."

Jaune: "Uncle Larry's a security expert. So, I take it you're here because of Tangy?"

Larry: "She pays well and the security issues for this city are gonna make me rich. Haha!" He has a beer with Jaune and Yang "Mmm... Gotta say though, the criminal element in this city is somethin' else. Like, half the mobsters all seemed to vanish overnight and Roman Torchwick went all coocoo. Not his best work."

Yang: "Oh?"

Jaune: "Uncle Larry used to be the best thief in Remnant!"

Larry: "Heh. I wasn't that good, kid. Maybe in Vale, in my day, I might have broken into the top ten. I ain't a politician, after all. But I did my best to hurt nobody and to make maximum profit. This junk is just... Ugh. He did much better robberies. Like the Lady Valeria airship robbery. That was art."

Roman: "Which was inspired by your Aerial Queen robbery a few years back, Old Timer!"

Everyone turned to look at Roman Torchwick, standing in the doorway of the bar with his goons and Neo. Yang snarled, her hair glowing and eyes burning. Jaune held her back.
Jaune: "Wait!"

Yang: "Just let me at that fucking midget-!"

Jaune: "NO! Calm down! Too many innocent people around!"

Yang: GLARE

Jaune: "Mostly innocent!"

Roman: "Easy, Goldilocks. I ain't here for you or your boyfriend. I'm here for him." He points at Larry

Jaune: "What? NO!" Jaune gets in front of Larry, and Yang joins him "Beat it!"

Yang: "Or we'll beat you black and blue!"

Larry stands up, and pushes through both kids.

Larry: "Stand down. If he wants me, then he can have me."

Jaune: "Uncle Larry-!"

Larry: "Your parents would never forgive me if anything were to happen to you, Kid, or your girlfriend. Besides, this is not a good place to fight. Think it through. Don't be stupid."

Jaune and Yang seethe. Roman walks up to Larry. Larry scowls as Roman grins.

Roman: "You were called the Professor of Crime. The Master Thief."

Larry: "I had better nicknames."

Roman: "You weren't as... Say... Stylish as me but you had charm and a bit of drama."

Larry: "Side effects only. It was just business, not personal. Didn't want fame, just to have an easy life."

Roman: "But you could have retired sooner with what you amassed! So why did you keep doing it?"

Larry: "... I suppose I did enjoy the thrill. Hard to do a job if you hate it. Wasn't for the masses though, it was just for me. It was selfish but I liked being the best."

Roman: "And after going to prison, 'reforming', here you stand to counter me? When you did the same thing?"

Larry: "Even just theft destroys lives. I wasn't some crusader or little guy, just a thief makin' money. Ain't a stage play, kid."

Roman: "'All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts~!'"

Larry: "Cute. I take it you also got a shit degree in school and had to make ends meet somehow?"

Roman: "Heh. Crime's a hell of a lot more fun than working as Sunflower coffee."

Larry: "Heh. Ain't it the truth. So... What's your end game? You gotta know the cops are after any sign of you. I figure you've got ten minutes, at best, before they get wind of you here. This bar's not owned by you, and it's too nice to be on the take. And while you might be able to beat my nephew and his girlfriend-"

Neo: smirks, signs 'Might? Totally would!'

Yang: "The fuck did the midget say?!"

Jaune: "It'll just piss you off more."

Larry: "You won't do it in enough time to escape... So what's the deal?"

Roman: "Simple, Larry "The Master Thief', the Professor of Crime Lawful..." He held out an old wanted poster of Larry "Can I have your autograph?"

Larry: "... What."

Jaune: "What."

Yang: "WHAT?!"

- - -

Nick Arc, much like Son Goku, ran into a lot of bad guys he later befriended. Larry here is just one of them. Remember, Yamcha was a desert bandit, Tien and Chiaotzu were assassins, Piccolo was the son of Demon King Piccolo, Vegeta was Vegeta, and Krillin did the worst thing: He made Goku miss a meal. But he did become good friends with all of them.

Larry is based on Larry Lawton, a former jewel thief who has a YouTube Channel that I'm fond of, and a few other fictional thieves and gangsters-You can probably guess who.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Jaune's been holding onto a holodisk that Katy recorded for him before her death. She was sick for a long time and when it came to a choice of baby or her, she chose to let Mia live instead of her.

Jaune is not sure if he can ever watch it.

But Mia wanting to know more about Katy and his own conflicting feelings make it more complicated.

Yang: "Jaune... You know, I remember my mom more than Ruby does. My dad and uncle showed me all sorts of videos and pictures, and I've started reading her diary with Ruby. I think... I think if I was Mia, I would want to see it."

Jaune: "... I can't watch it. I just..." He bowed his head "Why can't I watch it?"

Yang: "Because losing her fucking sucked, that's why."

Jaune: snort "Yeah..."

Yang: "So... why don't we watch it with you?"

Jaune: "Yang... I-I don't know-"

Yang: huffs "You know, I'm not stupid. I'm not a bimbo. We all put up masks to hide our weaknesses and fears. I know why you act like the stoic leader and hide any emotion. It's because you don't want to be weak for the people you love. You want us to know you're able to handle it. Well... I think your friends will forgive you if you're not handling this. Because we're your friends. And if you can't trust us to be there for you when you're weak, why would we trust you to do the same for us?"

Jaune: "... You're a pain in the ass sometimes, you know that?"

Yang: "It's because I'm right."

Jaune: "... That's the worst part."

Click to shrink...

Jaune boots up the holodisk. Ruby and Yang sit with him, as do Pyrrha, Nora, and Ren. Weiss and Blake are watching Mia in the other room.

Jaune: "... I appreciate this, guys. I don't... I don't know if I can do this alone. I just... I want to watch it with Mia... But only after I see it first, you... You know?"

Ruby: "It's okay Jaune. Really."

Yang: "Yeah..."

Jaune: "..."

He stares at the holoprojector a while in silence.

Pyrrha: "I can start it for you? Or-Or we could do this another day, any day-"

Nora: "Jaune... It's okay." She's totally serious

Ren: "Yes. It's your choice."

Jaune: "..." Slowly nods. He holds up the remote control, and hits play.

The holoscreen opens up. There's Katy, sitting in a hospital bed. She's pale and sickly, but still smiling. She has a nose tube to deliver oxygen.

Katy: "Hello Jaune. Hello Mia. I've made this recording for you... You know. Jaune... I can't imagine how hard this is for you. You always felt so much, took on so much. You keep blaming yourself for this... You shouldn't."

She smiles a bit more widely.

Katy: "The parting... Is going to be hard. It's okay to be mad at me, to be sad. It's natural to feel this way. I know you will hurt a lot and won't know how to handle it. You'll try to carry on and be strong for Mia. I know you will... Just know that it's okay to open up to others. It will hurt. It will never stop hurting. But it won't destroy you... It will make you stronger. And you want to be strong, that's your dream, to protect everyone. Don't be afraid to pursue that dream, because I know you'll be great at it. Because you care so much. And don't close off your heart, please. I know how sweet and kind you are, so never lose that. Please."

She takes a deep haggard breath, and continues.

Katy: "I'm sorry I can't do more for you... But you made me the happiest I've ever been. We... We've made a baby. And she's wonderful. Even now I can feel her and I know she's going to be beautiful. And I'm only sorry that we didn't get more time together... That's the only regret I have. But I am so, so glad we met, and I am so glad we made her. And even happier that she will be healthy and happy."

She looks at the camera a bit more wanly, even as tears fill her eyes.

Katy: "Mia... I am so sorry I won't get to be there with you. I'm sorry I won't get to read you bedtime stories or cook you dinner, or play with you. You'll be confused about it. Maybe even sad. And that's okay, because it's something to be sad about. Don't... Don't hide your feelings, okay sweetie? Be honest and kind and straightforward. Listen to your father, he loves you and only wants the best for you. You and he might fight, especially when you get older... But he only ever wants you to be happy, and so do I."

She pauses for a moment, before she continues.

Katy: "The world can be a very dark and scary place sometimes. So dark and scary and terrible that you want to hide forever. But there's also so many wonderful and beautiful things in it. Love. Family. Friendship. These... These are the most valuable things in this world. Though it doesn't hurt to save your money and be careful with it." She laughs a little "Your family will teach you, we're good at it. Be careful of bad boys: A lot of them might look flashy and cool, but it's the good guys who can be dangerous but know when not to be who are the best, just like your dad. You're going to have bumps and bruises and bad things will happen... But please, never stop being a good person. Don't let the darkness in this world remove the light, because that's what we're here for: To be the light when things are dark."

She takes another shuddering breath.

Katy: "Finally... There are many kinds of battles. I... I had to forgoe taking the medicine that would cure me, because it would hurt you. Don't ever, ever feel guilty about that, Mia. I fought this battle, and I'll win it. Even if this takes me... You will live, and that's a win because I love you. A mom is supposed to protect her child, and that's a battle worth fighting. If I had to go back and do it over again... I wouldn't change a thing. Not meeting and loving your dad, and not having you. Because I love you both so much. One day... One day, we will meet again. On white shores, in a green land without pain or suffering. We will all be together. But not for a long time. So, be a good girl, say your prayers, and be kind. I love you, Mia. I love you, Jaune."

The recording ended. There wasn't a dry eye in the room. Jaune bent his head, tears rolling down his cheeks. Ruby and Yang hugged him from either side, while Pyrrha hugged him from behind. Nora squeezed in to hug him too, while Ren squeezed his shoulder.

Jaune: "... Thanks guys."

Ruby: "... Any time..."

 

[The Brotherhood of Steel]

Idea May ,Ciel ,Reese ,Arslan, and Neon have a group chat to help each other try to get with Jaune before RWBYP do.

BeanieSniper: I FUCKED REAL BAD!!!

Ain'tLion: What did you fucking do?

OnTimeCadet: Calm down and explain what happened.

BeanieSniper: I overheard Ruby talking to her team about how she's going to offer to teach Jaune how to fire Crescent Rose in case he wanted a ranged weapon so I figure I would beat her to the punch and took Jaune to the range to try out my rifle.

TotallyBoard: Nice

TasteTheRainbow: Underhanded I love it.

OnTimeCadet: So what went wrong?

BeanieSniper: Well I decided that Jaune was doing so well that I would teach him how to pull off ricochet shots and well... the bullet ended up going into one of the vents.

Ain'tLion: That's not too bad.

BeanieSniper: Which led to Goodwitch's office.

OnTimeCadet:...

BeanieSniper: Hitting her in the ass.

TotallyBoard: You guys are fucked lol.

TasteTheRainbow: I'm fucking dying.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Beacon does have a daycare but Mia is very scared to be without her papa.

Jaune; "I know...It's going to be okay, Mia. I will be back."

Mia: Crying piteously

Jaune: "I will be back. I promise." Kisses the top of her head. Mia uses the opportunity to latch onto his neck.

Jaune: "Mia..." He sighs and pushes her away. Sets her down. And leaves. He is very tense as he walks away, hearing Mia's crying

Pyrrha: "Jaune... She will be okay."

He is SUPER tense

Jaune: "I know... This is just the first time we'll be apart. For... For more than a few hours."

Ren: "She will get used to it. And so will you."

Nora: "Yeah. She'll understand. Because you will never abandon her."

Jaune: smiles "Thanks guys."

- - -

During "Black and White" when Blake runs away, everyone goes out to look for her. Jaune is very determined in particular. And scolds her when everything is said and done.

Jaune: "You don't just run away from your problems or people who care about you. Mia was terrified that you were gone. She was so worried!"

- - -

Jaune and Mia waking up at 6 in the morning for breakfast. Mia sees a visage of her mom and goes toward a certain blond brawler

Mia; MAMA! *Hugs a sleep deprived Yang from behind*

Yang; Oof! Wha-huh!?

Jaune; *comes back with breakfast* Mia, wait!

Mia; *looks properly* Oh...sorry Yang...I thought you were mama for second...

Yang, eyes bulging from the shock; Uuuhh, it's okay. You can still hug me from behind if you want

Mia; Really!?

Yang;...sure *somehow pulls a genuine smile*

Mia and Yang cuddling intensifies with Jaune thinking he was gonna die because of her daughter's sleep deprived state.

- - -

And of course, while Jaune still has pride... He is not above doing silly and embarrassing things for his daughter.

Port: "... Mister Arc, is there a reason you are coming into my class in a pink dress and tiara?"

Jaune: "Tea party with my daughter, sir."

Port: "Ah, say no more! Is she a Wisney princess fan?"

Jaune: "Very much so, sir."

Port: "Who is her favorite?"

Jaune: "Changes regularly, but right now she really loves Elsa and Anna."

Port: "Jolly good! My daughters are more fond of Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty! Why I remember when I slaughtered a Boarbatusk herd with a Wisney Store's contents! I had "Let it Go" stuck in my head and it did raise my spirits, so I sang it loud and proud to keep the Grimm attention on me!"

Jaune: "I'll have to remember that one, sir."

- - -

And there's of course plenty of opportunities for drama.

Jaune is showing Mia some pictures of Katy.

Jaune: "See? This is when your mom and I went to our first barn dance. It was a lot of fun, even though I spilled punch all over her."

Mia: "Hee! She looks funny!"

Jaune: "She was mad, but she forgave me."

Mia: "You and Mama liked dancing, right Daddy?"

Jaune: "We loved to dance."

Mia: "You like dancing with Yang, right? And Pyrrha? And Weiss? And Blake?"

Jaune: "Yeah... It was a lot of fun to go dancing with them."

Mia: "So why can't one of them be my new Mama?"

Jaune: tenses "... Mia... It... It's not that simple-"

Mia: "Why? Don't you like them?"

Jaune: "Yes, I like them a lot. But your mom is your mom, Mia. She loved you very much. I can't go replacing her-"

Mia: "But Mama's gone. I don't remember her, Daddy."

Jaune: Sad look "Mia..."

Mia: sad "I... Other kids have mamas. Why can't I?"

Jaune: "... Oh, Mia..." He hugs her, and tries very hard not to cry. He cannot afford to cry. Not for her.

Mia: "Did I say something wrong, Daddy?"

Jaune: "... No... No, of course not..." sigh

- - -

Jaune's been holding onto a holodisk that Katy recorded for him before her death. She was sick for a long time and when it came to a choice of baby or her, she chose to let Mia live instead of her.

Jaune is not sure if he can ever watch it.

But Mia wanting to know more about Katy and his own conflicting feelings make it more complicated.

Yang: "Jaune... You know, I remember my mom more than Ruby does. My dad and uncle showed me all sorts of videos and pictures, and I've started reading her diary with Ruby. I think... I think if I was Mia, I would want to see it."

Jaune: "... I can't watch it. I just..." He bowed his head "Why can't I watch it?"

Yang: "Because losing her fucking sucked, that's why."

Jaune: snort "Yeah..."

Yang: "So... why don't we watch it with you?"

Jaune: "Yang... I-I don't know-"

Yang: huffs "You know, I'm not stupid. I'm not a bimbo. We all put up masks to hide our weaknesses and fears. I know why you act like the stoic leader and hide any emotion. It's because you don't want to be weak for the people you love. You want us to know you're able to handle it. Well... I think your friends will forgive you if you're not handling this. Because we're your friends. And if you can't trust us to be there for you when you're weak, why would we trust you to do the same for us?"

Jaune: "... You're a pain in the ass sometimes, you know that?"

Yang: "It's because I'm right."

Jaune: "... That's the worst part."

- - -

Blake would be interesting to study in this situation because she has very little experience with children. But she also feels an obligation to be there for a fellow Faunus. However...

Blake: "You're not teaching her anything about her heritage, Jaune!"

Jaune: "What do you mean? The Sith Family's legacy goes back as far as the Arc's! She knows all about the great heroes of both sides of her family! Like Ser Pantera Sith, who held off an army of one thousand men at Three Turn Bridge all by himself to prevent Radian from falling! Or Lucretzia Sith, who was Queen Louise VII's greatest diplomat!"

Blake: "Yes, but those are all Faunus in service to your family! Why not other famous Faunus? The Founders of Menagerie?"

Jaune: "Why? We have no ties to Menagerie."

Blake: "They liberated Faunuskind!"

Jaune: "They may have liberated a lot of Faunus from Atlasian and Mistralian oppression, but not in Sanus. The Siths and other Faunus were always treated well by my ancestors."

Blake: "But she's a Faunus! And a cat Faunus at that. She has a history she should know about! I could teach her about it?"

Jaune: "... All right. But! Under my supervision."

Blake: "Of course!"

- - -

Mia is usually a well behaved girl. But there are times Jaune has to punish her.

Mia: "No! I don't wanna! I DON'T WANNA!"

Mia throws a tantrum. She starts screaming loudly. Jaune takes a deep breath.

Jaune: "MIA ARC! You do not act like this!"

He takes her over to the corner and sits here down there.

Jaune: "You are going to sit there and stare at the wall and think about what you've done. You don't get to come out until I say so!"

Mia: "DADDDYYYYYY!"

Jaune: "No buts! You stay there!"

He glares at her. Mia stomps her feet more and cries harder.

Jaune: "You're just going to stay there longer if you keep this up, Mia. Do you want to stay there until bed time? Not get to see Auntie Ruby or Auntie Nora?"

Mia: angry sob "... No...!"

Jaune: "Then you sit there and stare at the wall and think about what you did!"

Mia keeps crying and sits, glaring at the wall.

Jaune pulls away to the other side of the common room, and stares at his daughter. He jumps when he feels Pyrrha touch his forearm.

Jaune: low tone "Oh, Pyr... Sorry about that."

Pyrrha: "No, I understand. I didn't intervene."

Jaune: "Thank you..." sighs "I hate having to do this but if I don't-"

Pyrrha: "It's all right. You're a father. It's what you're supposed to do if you love your children. Discipline them." She smiles and squeezes his arm

Jaune: smiles back "I know. It's still really hard."

Pyrrha: "I know. But being a parent means you need to be strong. In every way... And I know you are."

Jaune: "Thanks Pyr. I think... I think you'd be a good mother."

Pyrrha is bright red and giggles happily.

Pyrrha: "Oh Jaune... Th-That's so forward~!"

Jaune: "Huh?"

Pyrrha: "Um, n-nothing!"

- - -

Jaune: "So sweetie, what did you learn in daycare today?"

Mia: "That the Starlight Rangers are awesome heroes who beat up Grimm monsters!"

Jaune: "Haha! They absolutely are!"

Jaune makes it back to the JNPR common room... Which has a fire fighter team handling it.

Jaune: "Wha-What happened?!"

Weiss: In an apron "Jaune! You're back!"

Pyrrha: Also in an apron "It's so great to see you!"

Nora: "I tried to stop them, Jaune-Jaune! I swear!"

Ren: "Unsuccessfully."

Jaune: "What happened?!"

Pyrrha: "Um... W-Well, we... Wanted to try and make dinner for a change."

Weiss: "You always do most of the cooking! Well, you and Xiao-Long..."

Jaune: "Oh yeah! She does a good job!"

Weiss and Pyrrha: fume a bit

Pyrrha: "So we tried to make you-I mean us-a nice, simple dinner!"

Weiss: "Yes! Steak and potatoes with side salad!"

Pyrrha: "Beef noodles with pork buns!"

A pause.

Weiss: "Wait, that's what you were trying to make?!"

Pyrrha: "I-I was following your lead!"

Jaune: sighs "It's all right, both of you. Nobody's hurt, and... Look! Professor Goodwitch is fixing everything up!"

Professor Goodwitch is indeed fixing everything up, and sending the firefighters on their way.

Glynda: "Miss Schnee, Miss Nikos... No more cooking except under strict supervision."

Pyrrha and Weiss: "Yes ma'am."

Glynda: "Mister Arc. I will be joining you for dinner tonight."

Jaune: "Yes ma'am."

Glynda: "And I'm holding Mia in my lap."

Jaune: "Of course ma'am. No problem!"

 

[bazerkerking]

Ozpin and all the teachers consider her, and all the kids at Beacon's day care, to be their grand kids. Ozpin regularly takes the time to visit and play with them, partially to remind himself what he's fighting for, Port is always there telling stories to the kids, Oobleck loves to teach them science like Bill Nye.

Click to shrink...

I present my addition to this idea!

*SCIENCE TIME WITH PROFESSOR OOBLECK! *
~Adam west style batman transition~

Oobleck : Hey little science friends! I have a question for you? How do you get an egg into this glass milk bottle, without breaking the shell?

Day care children do their very best to try and get the egg into the slightly smaller glass bottle. They try greasing it with butter, provided by Professor Oobleck, forcing it in, and tapping it with small rubber hammers.
After many attempts, the come to the conclusion that its impossible.

Mia: it doesn't work! The egg is too big!

Professor Oobleck: a very good observation! The egg is just ~slightly~ too big to fit in without breaking. But watch what happens when I.. do.. THIS! Just a reminder children, never handle fire without a responsible adult.

* drops a lit match in the milk bottle and places the egg on the opening. The flame burns out and the egg sucks itself into the bottle, shell still intact!!*

* children shocked pikachu face*
Mia: HOW!? ARE YOU MAGIC?!

Oobleck: haha! While it might seem like magic, its actually science! The lit match burns up all the air in the bottle, creating a vacuum, this vacuum wants to be filled so it trys to pull in more air! However, the egg is in the way, so the vacuum pulls the egg into the bottle to allow air to fill the vacuum!

* the children "ooh!" And, "aah!" Over their new knowledge.

Oobleck: So! Who wants to see this vacuum effect pull all the water out of this fish tank and put it into the other fish tank?

*all the children raise their hands excitedly!*

 

[SharkCultist]

Fun and stupid idea.

Beacon learns that Velvet is a wild drunk. A wild and racist drunk.

*Velvet kicks in the cafeteria doors*

Velvet: Cardin Winchester you hairless chimp where the fuck are you?

Cardin: who you calling a chimp flopsy?

*Velvet shoots across the cafeteria with a rabbit jump and grabs him by the nuts*

Velvet: listen here you ginger chucklefuck you've been pulling my ears for two months.

Cardin: and you want me to stop?

Velvet: I want you to stop blue balling me you mistake.

Cardin: mistake?

Velvet: well you have aura so you've got a soul. Which you shouldn't since you're a ginger.

Cardin: that's racist.

Velvet: thanks for noticing. Now. Here's what's going to happen. You're going to take me on a date, and for your sake I hope it's good, and afterwards you're going to tell your team to fuck off for the weekend so we can use your room.

Cardin: and if I object?

*Velvet squeezes slightly*

Velvet: Don't.

Cardin: noted.

Velvet: good. I'm going to throw up on your shoes and pass out now.

*Proceeds to do just that*

 

[AndrewJTalon]

I dunno where this came from. I think it's from watching a lot of Westerns. But here is some badly needed badass and pathos for Qrow. Imagine him talking to his nieces when they're almost to Volume 1 about the reality of Hunting Grimm.

"You walk into town, a stranger. The people there look to you, fear and hope in their eyes. And the weight of what they face lies upon you. These people are trying to reclaim the world that the Grimm took from us, bring light to the shadow. Out of desperation, greed, idiocy, hope, religious fervor-They come out of the cities to scrape away at the darkness that surrounds us, make a little candle in the night. And you are supposed to keep that candle lit, no matter the storm blowing, trying to snuff it out."

"A Huntsman can be seen as a messenger of God, an angel. Or a demon from the cold hell, appearing like salvation but dragging everyone down into damnation. A supernatural quality is assigned to the man or woman with the gun and the Aura unlocked, striding into town. And I don't believe I am an angel or devil. All I do is what I can to keep that candle lit. To chase out the darkness. But if there is a God, then I hope I will be doing His work. I hope His power is my power, I hope His justice is my justice. Because in the end there will be times where you're the only chance that little candle has of not going out. Never forget that."

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Ruby Rose sat on the bus, blindfolded, her arms crossed over her chest. She had been pouting through it from the moment Jaune had asked her to go with him and put it on.

"Are we there yet?" Ruby asked.

"Almost," Jaune said reassuringly, squeezing her hand. Ruby sighed heavily.

"I mean, I'm glad you're taking me out somewhere. Especially given your fiances," Ruby grumbled.

"Fake fiances," Jaune sighed. Ruby scowled.

"Don't seem so fake to me," she grumbled. Jaune sighed. The bus finally came to a stop, and Jaune took her hand.

"I know, I know, "Jaune said, "It's a big mess. I don't know why everyone's gone crazy."

"UGH!" Ruby huffed, stomping her foot even as they went down the steps, "You're so unfair, you know?"

"Unfair?" Jaune asked, confused. Ruby huffed as they stood on a street, the sounds of traffic and pedestrian traffic filling her ears.

"Yeah! You-You stupid super Aura badass family line harem having jerk! I'm your best friend and you just keep doing all this stupid junk! Even Granny paid more attention to Yang over me cause you're engaged! So whatever you're doing to win me back had better be super, super good-!"

Jaune pulled her blindfold off. Ruby stared at the large sign before her.

FORT CELLIWIG: VALEAN DEFENSE FORCE BASE

Underneath this was:

WELCOMES THE ARMAMENT EXPOSITION OF REMNANT

Ruby looked over: The gates to the base were open, the guards checking a wave of people of all shapes and sizes walking in. Kids laughing happily with their parents, soldiers, teenagers… And beyond the gates, the base. Full of military aircraft, vehicles, and stands full of weapons.

Ruby slowly turned back to Jaune. He smiled and handed over a ticket badge. He held up his own.

"Full weekend passes," Jaune said with a grin. Ruby gaped, slowly taking the badge into her trembling hands. "Just us together. What do you say, Crater Face?"

Ruby sucked in a deep breath… And then squealed.

"HEEEEE! JAUNE!" She hugged him tightly, her arms tight around his neck. "I LOVE YOU!"

"URK! Heh… I love you too, Ruby," Jaune said, hugging her back happily. "Let's go!"

And that's the preview. There will be another Arc family member too. But the sisters are the main focus.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Again, air combat in Remnant wouldn't be totally alien from our world. Being able to go supersonic is still a massive tactical advantage. And armor does have a hard limit on how much you can apply to a small aircraft and let it fly and stay cheap to mass produce. So you do get strike fighters, big and powerful ones that are very fast and manueverable. You could also have smaller, cheaper strike fighters that, while not able to do energy fighting or carry as much ammo, can be made in larger numbers, are easier and cheaper to maintain, can generate more sorties per day, and most likely can be operated from smaller, rougher runways. And of course, dedicated subsonic strike craft that, while not able to break the speed of sound, are still fast enough to outrun Grimm. Heavy Bombers would still exist but in fewer numbers as heavy airships would fulfill their role better. So you have bomber/gunship hybrid airships in that role.

Given they're fighting Grimm most of the time, cannons, rockets-Lots of dumb, cheap weapons with lots of ammo would be carried. Guided bombs and stand off weapons are still things, of course, but reserved for either human/Faunus targets or for specific Grimm targets. Or for when you're engaging targets in built up urban areas.

Now at some point when you advance your tech and industry enough you can mass produce advanced guided weapons in large numbers, which does have a lot of advantages. But most Grimm fighting is ideally done in the wilds or in sparsely populated areas so you don't have to worry as much about collateral damage.

So, a few aircraft from the real world that could work as inspirations for strikecraft in Remnant:

-Fairchild Republic A-10 Thunderbolt II aka Warthog: Built around a 30mm cannon, dead simple to build, arm, maintain and operate, very tough.

-McDonnell Douglas F-15E Strike Eagle: Powerful engines and sensors, incredible speed and agility, able to carry a big bomb load while also able to engage enemy fighters as needed. Might have been, like in our world, an overreaction to a new Atlas or Mistralian superfighter by Vale.

-McDonnell Douglas F-4 Phantom II: Again, big, powerful twin-engined strike fighter that's built tough and fast. And very adaptable and versatile. The most produced twin-engined American jet fighter ever.

-Sukhoi Su-25 "Frogfoot": Simple, rugged and tough ground attack aircraft, same idea as the Warthog with a high sortie rate.

-Saab JAS 39 Gripen: A very elegant, lightweight fighter that can take off from a country road and is very reliable, versatile and fairly cheap.

-MiG-29 "Fulcrum": One of the most produced twin engined jet fighters in history, the Fulcrum has good manueverability, excellent range and speed, and is pretty adaptable given all the variants produced.

-Dassault Mirage 2000: Very maneuverable, sleek, adaptable and fast. You gotta give it to Dassault, they make great little strike fighters that can function in almost any environment and give great performance.

-Vought F-8 Crusader: The so-called "Last of the Gunfighters", it was very fast, manueverable, and armed with four cannons. It was very difficult to pilot but very deadly in the right hands.

What are your thoughts?

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Another idea I had was a twist on Jaune becoming a superhero, based on Marvel. Because there's one Marvel hero Jaune really should be.

After he gets bit and gets his powers, Jaune goes into Vale with his sister Orchid and dad Nick. He shows off on a TV show to get money that he plans to use to get into Beacon, while his dad is on an errand and Orchid is buying a video game. The producer shorts him because his powers aren't really THAT impressive, so Jaune, in a moment of spite, lets a thief run out with the money from the show.

... Who then kills Orchid, by accident, while trying to steal the Arc family truck.

Jaune goes after the guy. He gets to him before Nick does.

Sees his face... Staggers back. It's the thief he let go. It's all Jaune's fault.

The murderer falls out a window and dies, right in front of Nick who had been about to storm the building.

Nick: snarl "I've been denied everything... Even my revenge..."

Nick goes into the building and finds Jaune. He assumes the guy took Jaune hostage, but Jaune says he tracked him down. So Nick agrees that Jaune should train to be a Huntsman, after some therapy.

Isabel isn't happy. And Jaune... Is even less happy. He's got his dream and it got his little sister killed. It's all his fault.

But he resolves to do his best to make sure he NEVER makes a mistake like that again, and to use his power responsibly to save others.

As the Amazing Spider-Man.

 

[CountvonBarnOwl]

Ruby Reacts to (not quite) Cursed Guns of Helldivers;
A Ruby Reacts to Cursed Guns - Whitley-borg AU Side-story anthology
Chapter 1.0001 - GATE Gala and Setting the Stage.

GATE Gala, Standing for Garments, Arms, Technology, and Equipment. The acronym had changed once again, but this time it had fortunately become more truncated. It was originally a convention to show off all of the latest developments in weaponry, for companies to attract prospective buyers. Such as Huntsmen, Huntresses, the armed forces of Atlas, the militias, paramilitaries and self-defense forces that kept the Grimm out of every town when a Hunter wasn't immediately on hand, and everybody who realized that a weapon was necessary to survive on a (to hear the Church of the Two Brothers tell it) Gods-forsaken world. Then, some tech companies got involved, eager to show off their latest not-strictly-weapons gear. And with that crowd of well-budgeted clientele, other companies and dealers soon got in on the action. The camping and travel industry, clothing and textiles, and so on. The prior iteration of the acronym had included the letters G,S,A,V,C,T,U,O, and B, but since coming up with new words was getting cumbersome the committee had cut things down to size.

The GATE Gala fell in Vale this year, and right before the Vytal Festival. Which, while any advertising effort would be overshadowed, six blocks roped off near a skydock and an MM terminal at the northwest fringe of the commercial district, where all the casinos are, was bound to draw the attention of the crowd that had already formed before and after the fights.

The armed forces of Atlas had their own set of exhibits, booths, and stands to show off all of the gadgets and goodies that they were set to procure, or had developed (at least partly) in-house. The AK-200 had made enough of an impression in the Breach, but the P-290 had been absent. Plus it would allow General Ironwood to try and salvage the reputation of the Atlesian army after the PR nightmare that had been the announcement of the SDC's Cute Goths and Cursed Guns Clearance Event, in which the head of the SDC Marketing Department had, in collaboration with a charming, intelligent, gothic beauty of a Huntress-aspirant who shared his interests in cartridge wildcatting and weapons design, put together a marketing campaign for the SDC. And, as it had happened, that marketing campaign turned the highest strata of Atlesian society, military, politics, and all, into the loudest, wettest fart of a punchline that Remnant had ever seen.

Which was why Warrant Officer Whitley Schnee, incidentally the head of both the SDC's Accounting and Marketing Departments, was stuck managing the series of tents reserved for the Atlas Army, and all of the cheap plastic folding tables therein, where were displayed current, prospective, and candidate weapon systems anticipated to enter service in the next year, sat at one of the aforesaid tables with an even cheaper, and yet more plastic smile stretched across his face as he scanned the throng of convention-goers. Literally, any object he focused on had its estimated size, speed, bearing, and range displayed across the top and right side of his peripheral vision.

Here he waited to treat with any curious convention goers, intent on sending them away with order forms and possibly a recruiting brochure.

But Whitley's thoughts were elsewhere, mostly centered on the silver eyes and thick thighs of a lovely Huntress as she danced across the moonlit interior of his mind, hoping to once again run into Ruby Rose as the very enthusiastic goth girl skipped and flew across the convention, firing off factoids, questions, and speculations like a CIWS.

Wait.

That wasn't a mere mental image he went in and digitally edited.

In the crowd Whitley could see a textured, angular bob cut, black and full with red ends that bounced with every step above the brilliant red of a rosenrot mantle so vibrant that it looked solemn against the dull world around it. Before he knew it, he had jumped over the display table, with the thud of his boots betraying the weight of his small frame as they hit the ground. 'I'm not abandoning my post to frolic with a woman, sir' he thought to himself as he rose, 'I'm merely engaging with an intelligent, and very attractive convention-goer and enticing her to our display.' He thought as he began to move. 'Besides, between pinging my skull sonar and sharing data with the security cameras, it isn't like I won't be able to catch anyone trying anything.' He justified himself as he began to jog.

"Ruby!" He called as he waved.

"Whitley?" she replied in her melodious natural soprano as she turned towards him. And while he was not of any religious persuasion, looking at her head-on, Whitley understood why the church of the Two Brothers always depicted the Elder - the greater of the two, and the patron of life - with Silver Eyes.

"WHITLEY!" echoed one of Remnant's foremost pop stars, ironically flattening the melody that the woman next to her had spun unto ruin.

"What are you doing here?" They both asked.

Whitley looked Ruby square in the eyes. "My CO wants me to help him run the Army's exhibit. To help, 'restore their reputation' after our little video together turned both public and private procurement in Atlas into a laughing stock." Ruby giggled, and Whitley took a moment to admire her.

"That still doesn't explain why you're wearing that uniform," there was, if Whitley had to guess, shock, no, surprise, that was more accurate. And distress in Weiss' voice. Why, he couldn't say. "Father didn't want to pay for my prosthesis," he answered in an even tone. "What?" "What?" "What?" Weiss responded first, then the dark-haired woman who was obviously Blake Belladonna wearing a bow, and then Ruby and the woman who must have been her older sister spoke at the same time. The former knew he was a cyborg, but he had not fully disclosed the circumstances surrounding his conversion.

"Prosthesis?" The daughter that Jacques Schnee hadn't disowned yet still sounded shocked. And for some reason, it looked like the veins in her neck were throbbing at a heightened tempo, in a pattern almost identical to the one displayed by Colonel Schnee when she found out whose brain was housed in the ICE Dragon frame. Odd. Weiss had no reason not to know who he was, and therefore no reason to be surprised. Hopefully this was not evidence of something hereditary.

"Correct. He tried to pass the loss onto the portion of the Army budget dedicated to cybernetics for wounded soldiers by threatening the Dust supply. General Ironwood did not like that. But he took pity on me, so I got all of the robot bits, but I only get to keep them pending two tours of duty and helping with the Advanced Projects Research Army Division's advanced projects and research. So who wants to see the procurement candidacy exhibit?" Whitley asked with a high note of forced enthusiasm.

"I DO, I DO, I DO!" Ruby started jumping up and down with some very real enthusiasm of her own.

"Wonderful," Whitley's didn't have to force it at all, as he turned around and started walking back toward the stands.

"Ooooo, it sounds like Weisscream's brother has a crush on you, Ruby."

"NO HE DOESN'T!" Weiss yelled back.

"She's charming, intelligent, attractive, and capable," Whitley interjected without missing a beat, "Why shouldn't I have a crush on her?"

He would just assume that the girl now hiding under her hood had only been picking her nose a few seconds ago because it would get on Weiss' nerves.

Whitley beckoned Team RWBY to a table with a very simple pistol. A VERY simple pistol. A single shot, break-action pistol, in fact. Hardly more complex than a muzzleloader. There was just one thing.

Spoiler: The Pistol In Question

The barrel was forty millimeters wide.

"This is the GP-31." Whitley explained, "Fires a 40 mil grenade at a hundred meters a second. It features high-vis iron sights, along with a mounting rail if you have other preferences," he tapped the frame of the red dot sight not quite at the back end of the rail. "Safety features; a primary selector on the upper receiver that you can switch between safe and fire. Fire being the position with the little bullet carving, and it is ambidextrous, so it can be accessed from a natural position, no matter which hand you hold it with. There is a secondary grip safety. And to reload, you press here, pull the barrel out, turn to eject the spent shell, load, reverse, and you're ready to fire again." He said as he went through the steps and mimicked loading in a grenade.

Ruby leaned across the table and whispered, "My birthday is on Halloween, in case you're wondering."

"Message received, and understood." Whitley replied.

"Boo." Yang mock-shouted while shaking her downward turned thumb. "Show her something fucked up again commercial man."

"Damn it Yang." Ruby muttered, "fine, let's fucking get this over with," she rolled her eyes. "What is the most fucked up gun you have on display here today."

Whitley paused, "I actually have to think about that," he muttered. That did not inspire confidence.

Ruby Rose was a sophisticated woman, possessing elevated tastes and refined sensibilities. Therefore, a gun would have to be chosen that offended both on the aesthetic and engineering levels. Something that combined absurdity of form with inconvenience of function. Nevertheless, it should be a good weapon, functionally, in most areas. A weapon that could not, on the merits, be called bad. But designed in such a way that it should be easy to misunderstand and misuse.

And with each criteria Whitley filtered through, he was led, intractably, to a single weapon.

"Whitley, what's wrong?" Ruby asked, concerned by the way his face shifted into both a grimace and a glower together.

"Just promise you won't hate me for this," he replied with exhaustion, before leading them on to one of the tables with a white/grey cloth draped over it with a red border The trifecta with the stylized odachi running through it on the top right corner marking the exhibit as belonging to the Stark Arms conglomerate.

"No problem," Ruby said, "no matter how mad I get I promise I won't hate you over it. After all, how bad could it beeee..." Ruby's voice trailed off into nothingness as Whitley pulled back the cloth

"Famous last words." Blake Belladonna noted.

"This," Whitley explained, is the Stark Arms SkA-52 urban warfare carbine,"

Spoiler: The most cursed primary in Helldivers, and it is a crossover

"Behold it's helical feed magazine, a staple of the past two generations of Stark design. It is offered in chamberings of both 5.5 mil with a 56 shot magazine, and an 8.6 mil with a 40 shot magazine. To release the magazine, you just press the button on the back of the cheek riser and flip it up like so." The orange barrel of a magazine dropped to the table. "You slot the new one in on the back," he continued, putting the magazine back. "Close it down, pull the charging handle, and you're back in business." We've got a select fire switch with single, five shot burst, or full auto with a cyclic rate of 790 rpm. It comes with an integrated carry handle with iron sights with replacement mounts for a red dot, a scope, or a hybrid optic. The muzzle has a built-in break and option for a suppressor, and a modular under-barrel mount with options for a forty millimeter grenade launcher, shotgun, or flashlight."

"That all sounds really impressive when put together like that." the presumed heiress of the SDC surmised as Whitley se the gun back down on the table and draped the cloth back over it.

"And it was designed by a Faunus," the princess of Menagerie incognito noted. Which was true. General Stark liked girls with wolf ears. Which meant a lot of wolf-Faunus maid-concubines. With his death at the end of the Great War, his human descendants had to grapple with the sons and daughters from all of the new and lupine branches on the family tree, the four that could inherit legally anyway. One intrafamily internecine power struggle later, and the new patriarch of the family, Schatten Stark, rebuilt the family fortune by sinking his teeth and claws as deep into the arms, technology, and shipping industries as he could. However the Stark name was forever tarnished. First by General Alexander's defeat at the hands of the Last King of Vale, and second by the shadow war fought between Schatten Stark and all of his half-siblings. The name that had meant an unbroken record of honor, as old as man's first steps on Solitas, was dead. And Schatten Stark was also dead, leaving his oldest daughter, Siarka, the head engineer, chief designer, and now, owner, CEO, and Chairwoman of Stark Arms to resurrect it.

Of course, Whitley made note of exactly where Blake Belladonna's interest in the platform started and stopped, before he moved on.

"How much?" Yang asked. "When they hit convention shelves in a couple of days, asking price is set to be 72,900 Lien for a model with adjustable feed, as well as a swappable barrel and chamber. Suppressor and optics, as well as under-barrel attachments sold separately. " Whitley explained.

"Good, I'll take-" Yang was interrupted by a crack of skin on skin that sounded almost like a pistol going off inside of the tent.

"No. You. FUCKING! Won't." Ruby, who had been ramrod straight and stiff as a board since Whitley had unveiled the gun, said as she massaged her palm, that had somehow ended up redder than Yang's cheek.

"Why not?!" Yang fired back, her eyes flickering red. "You're the one who is always telling me that I need another ranged weapon, and this thing seems pretty top-shelf with all of its attachments. It even has another shotgun. A forty millimeter shotgun, that's almost double Ember Cecilia's bore diameter."

"I'll fucking tell you why Yang." Ruby bit back in a tone mirroring her sister's. "I get the decision not to include a trigger guard. You need to wear big heavy gloves in Solitas, and you need to fit your finger around the trigger. That is okay. What is absolutely not okay is a 56 shot magazine with a FIVE shot burst. Five does not go into fifty six evenly. What you have there is a gun that in 8.6, has eight bursts, so far so good, or in 5.5, has eleven-point-two. They both divide evenly by eight, and I get that. But then what is the point of not making the burst two, or if you really, really, needed to above three, four shots. Those numbers multiply evenly into eight. Why not those?"

"And then there's the height over bore. You could have had the iron sights mounted into the carry handle, but no. That makes too much sense. Instead let's stick the charging handle on top of the chamber, mount that into the back of the carry handle, and put the iron sights on top of that. WHICH YOU DO NOT NEED TO DO, BECAUSE THERE'S ANOTHER CHARGING HANDLE ON THE BOLT EDIFICE ITSELF, RIGHT BEHIND THE FUCKING SELECTOR SWITCH." Ruby's gesticulations were picking up in pace and scope. She went from flailing her arms to curling up on herself to flailing again as she paced back and forth between her teammates.

"And the bottom is hardly any fucking better." Ruby seethed more and more, "The GL, I get. The shotgun, I kind of get. BUT A FORTY MILLIMETER FLASHLIGHT?!?!?!?! You have a FUCKING PIC RAIL ON THE FUCKING SIDE OF THE FUCKING GUN! Why not mount a normal size flashlight on one side, and a laser on the Other? Huh? ANSWER ME!"

Whitley's expected joy at getting a face full of Ruby was mixed with an equal measure of fear.

"Well, you're right about the flashlight," Ruby let out a confident "hmph," as he conceded the point and a step back. "But I know that they're investigating the viability of installing a laser integrated into the optic."

Ruby blinked, twice, "that's actually really nifty. And very considerate in light of how fucking hard it is going to be to zero this fucking thing. GGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! This gun is so fucking cursed but it is also so functional. I definitely wouldn't mind seeing a lot of the avenues that this platform explores developed on further... FUCK! This gun keeps giving me reasons not to hate it, no matter how much I should. It doesn't feel right. I feel icky inside, I'm gonna need a shower after this..."

"In and out Ruby, in and out. Just breathe in... and out." Yang said as she walked her sister who had gone from flailing, to thrashing, to stomping, to rolling around on the ground.

Ruby composed herself and she got up. "Because... haaa... hhaaa... I cannot forgive... the whole back end of that fucking gun." She composed herself. "The whole fucking cheek riser hinges up in order to release the magazine. Wear and tear is going to compound on every reload, and there goes your accuracy, I do not care that this gun was designed for sub-200 meter firefights. Because the second you re-shoulder the gun, and look down the sights, what is the most prominent feature of the gun that you can see? Huh? TELL ME! WHAT IS IT?!?!"

"The exposed recoil spring?" Whitley answered.

"THE EXPOSED RECOIL SPRING!" Ruby yelled back in his face. "How the fuck does this gun even cycle in anything less than perfect weather???"

"I do not know, but I have seen them fire just fine in blizzard conditions." Whitley answered, silently thankful for his audio-receptor system's volume editing function.

"You're lucky I think you're cute." Ruby muttered, before clamping both hands around her mouth and flushing the color of her cloak.

"Oooo, looks like little Ruby is finally starting to show interest in boys." Yang leaned on her sister.

Blake Belladonna appeared to jot something in a notebook before departing from the tent.

"Yaaang..." Ruby groaned.

"You can't just like him, you dolt!" Weiss shouted in a mixture of shock and disgust. And Whitley resolved to double his efforts of courtship.

"What if I showed her some nicer guns. Could she like me then?" Whitley asked.

"I need to see some nicer guns after that." Ruby replied, while holding out her hand, and Weiss' face did the best impression it could of a computer's crash screen.

Whitley vaulted the table once again, "Then come this way, Miss Rose." He accepted her offered hand and led Team R__Y to another table (Weiss.exe had not yet rebooted). This one was dominated by a massive, shoulder-fired weapon.

Spoiler: The massive, shoulder-fired weapon

"It is a relatively simple design, drawn up and commissioned by a certain party that wants the armed forces to further economize. It is a reciprocating barrel, and toggle-lock action housed in a box that mounts the grips, optic, and the fixed magazine that gets fed via stripper clips. Chambered in 20x102mm, it can fire APHE-T, frag, or flak rounds. Other calibers and rounds are being studied, but nothing else produced satisfactory results in time for this year's convention. This thing had some problems in the initial testing phase, because it was originally intended to be an anti-material rifle, but people soon discovered that you needed at least a 20-mil cartridge to operate a toggle spring this powerful on recoil alone." Whitley explained.

"It weighs nothing at all," Ruby said as she picked the weapon up and shouldered it, before looking it over. She had expected something in Crescent Rose's neighborhood, with this gun's caliber and size. But not so. It was, just by feeling estimation, somewhere between a fifth and a third of her son's weight.

"Indeed," Whitley commented. "So I don't recommend firing it on full auto unless you're being charged at close range by a Goliath or a very large Death Stalker. Unless there is also a Nevermore swooping down on you from overhead when you engage the other target. And also completely surrounded."

Ruby nodded, the weapon wasn't front-heavy. It wasn't heavy at all, but the weight of both the magazine and the firing mechanism were neatly aligned with her shoulder. So any sustained fire without training or considerable strength meant that the shots would be going all over the place. "This looks like a very viable platoon or company-level support weapon," she surmised. "It cannot do the work of a machine gun, or a rocket launcher. But it is a nice in-between, I imagine that this could enable a single person, without Aura, to go toe-to-toe with a beringal, or a geist that got into something large."


As always, Ruby's analysis was fast and comprehensive. Rockets existed, as did MGLs or AGLs, but the robust physiology and dynamism of the beringal, and the geist's capacity for concealment and maneuverability made their muzzle velocities a liability without the advantages of considerable range or surprise. But Ruby recognized instantly what kind of a battlefield game-changer this weapon would be. She also quickly identified the level of support it would need to be deployed alongside to be viable. A calculation that matched Whitley's own.

Then Ruby's stomach growled. "Uh, which way to the food?" She asked.

"Concessions are one block down to your left and make a left turn. I think they let a few restaurants stay open on the upper floors of some other buildings near the far side of the convention if you feel like sitting for something more substantial though." Whitley responded.

"Thanks." Ruby replied back, "I... mean we... will be back later to check out more guns."

Whitley bade her farewell and the sisters departed, with Yang carrying the still-unresponsive W of their team under her arm like a wooden plank.

------

This one was a difficult beast. I basically scrapped everything I had after writing 1700 words because the characters weren't working with me. Then I started from scratch again after 1500 words because I didn't like the pacing. My main problem was that I wrote this with two different minds going in two different directions. I wanted to introduce concepts, ideas, and even a few characters that you'll get to meet sooner or later. But I also wanted to write about Ruby and the guns of Helldivers. Now, since I was not explicitly requested to do the cursed guns of Helldivers, I had a bit of fun and gave Ruby a pair of nice guns for a change. And believe me, before and after the StA-52, she needed them. Because there is a real gun that works like the StA-52. Well. There is a real gun that has its bolt carrier group and feeding system set up in the same way that the StA-52 would need to be in order to work.

The gun that I am talking about is the Korobov TKB-022. German Korobov is a bit of a legend, and a contentious subject, over whether or not any of his guns actually qualify as being cursed. His first gun lost to Mikhail Kalashnikov's design in 1946, and I think he was submitting prototypes (almost all of which had exclusively Bakelite furniture) all the way through the 1980s. None of which were accepted, and just looking at a few of them, you would see why. But because the designs themselves were so innovative (the TKB-022 kind of being an FN F2000 built 40 years before the F2000) some hesitate to simply label his designs as cursed and be done with it. I said all of that to say that while I love the Killzone games, in order for the StA-52 to work, with what we are shown, it would basically have to be an upside-down TKB-022 that couldn't decide if it wanted to go as a G36, an M16, or a FAMAS for Halloween, and it does not help that as the Killzone series rolls on that barrel shroud looks more and more like it came from an MG-42. I had to write in all of the extra features as a way of translating in all of the ways that the StA-52 changes from one game to another, from damage to fire rate, to the silenced model with the five shot burst.

Of course, I didn't have it in me to give Ruby another cursed gun before or after the StA-52. So I gave her a utility pistol that I think she would like, and the gun that is essentially Russ Robinson's SR-9 Anti-Material Machine Rifle that has been up-gunned from .50 cal to 20 mil, and uses a toggle lock (like on the Luger) rather than the bike-chain sort of system that I think the Lahti and the Solothurn used.

I have a few more guns in Helldivers that I know are cursed, and a few that are cursed enough, and one that I am tentatively putting in the "cursed" box because it has this one singular design feature that turns its everything else into a liability and ham-strings it in its designated role. Jaune and Yang's Payday 2 themed adventure is going to incorporate that.

As for the whole cyborg-Whitley thing, I kind of wanted to do something with one of my stories that I haven't yet fleshed out, and this piece wouldn't manifest without it. So I feel, again, as I sometimes do, like I owe my readership an apology for making it all the way through to the end. I hope the characters came across as coherent, my little sideshows of lore didn't substantively derail the plot, and that my editing was as good as it has been recently, and that you all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Editor von BarnOwl here. Caught and fixed mistakes. Could have sworn I saw one more, but I can always get it later.

Editor von Barnowl Note #2: Please forgive the esoteric dating system and the mammoth of a title block. The .0000 system is just to suggest relative time of all of the vignettes that I write have to each other in the series. I suggest Ruby's storyline is the only one that I expect to be linear and consistent for the time being.

 

[SharkCultist]

James: you have got to be hands down the worst undercover agent I have ever seen.

Qrow: well fuck you too.

James: look at your last fake identity you made! Bud Weiser father of two daughters Molly and Mary Jane.

Qrow: I'm a great agent!

James: how hasn't your identity been leaked yet? There is absolutely no conceivable way you haven't been discovered infiltrating places with these piss poor disguises.

Qrow: you ever think maybe it's a act and I'm actually good at my job?

James: you got so drunk yesterday that during a bullhead flight into vale you confused your piss jug, why do you have that, with your flask.

Qrow: the jug makes it so I don't gotta stop on long trips. Anyway, I haven't been revealed on a job, so I gotta be good at my job right? Logic.

James: you can't even spell logic.

Qrow: sure I can, there's a K in there somewhere.

Glynda: oh for- listen. He sneaks in as a bird and everyone is too embarrassed that someone this incompetent snuck past them somehow. And logic with a K is a musician.

Qrow: hurtful.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Honestly, May teaching Ruby how to be a proper sniper could be fun. May being a badass sneaky assassin because she's so shy and quiet is something I really like. But Ruby doesn't really fight that way.

So Ruby sucks at being sneaky, and covert. She's got the math down just fine, of course, but to her, all the calculation required for shooting is a bit boring compared to the math that goes into Crescent Rose.

Ruby: "I mean... taking out Grimm at 1200 meters would be lame!"

May: looks indignant "It-It is not lame! I work very hard to shoot that good! Watch!"

She sets up her shot carefully, does the math...

Across campus... Professor Oobleck's coffee cup explodes in the middle of his lecture.

Oobleck: "... That was unexpected."

The class blinks. Oobleck calmly gets another mug, pours himself more coffee, and sips it.

Oobleck: "Now, where were we? Oh yes!"

Back with May and Ruby. Ruby stares at her.

May: blush "I-I'm sorry... I shouldn't have gotten mad... Oh no, I shot his coffee mug! What if it was his favorite-?!"

Ruby: gasp "That... WAS AMAZING!"

May: "R-Really?"

Ruby: "REALLY! TEACH ME!"

May: "Well, um... Okay!"

Ruby does eventually just stick with her fighting style, but trying to learn how to be sneaky is fun. And she does pick up a few things. Same way that May picks up a few things from Ruby when it comes to her fighting style.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

This is a commission I wrote.
- - -

Ilia slowly woke up from a painfilled, troubled sleep. She was sore, and felt the lingering effects of Aura transfer. She opened her eyes cautiously, and took in her surroundings.

She was in a hospital room, hooked up to medical sensors that projected her vitals. And a young blond human boy was sitting at her side, looking bored. He couldn't be any more than 15 years old, though he was tall for his age. He looked over and noticed her. He smiled.

"Hey! You're awake!" he said cheerfully. "How are you feeling? What do you remember?"

Ilia scowled.

"Where am I? What is this place?! Who are you?!"

"Oh, uh, this is Arc-En-Ciel Hospital, in Radian, Gallia, Vale," the boy said, "And I'm Jaune Arc! I'm just an intern nurse right now but I'm here to help! What can you tell me about what happened?"

The op had gone bad. They had been trying to steal a shipment of Dust from an SDC train. Something had gone wrong, there was an explosion… She scowled at the unassuming boy. It would be just like them to put an innocent looking kid in here to get her to lower her guard.

"I won't tell you anything," she hissed, "human!"

The boy sighed.

"Well… The chart says you got caught in a Dust explosion," Jaune said, "Suffered a concussion and a lot of burns. Can I check to see how you're doing?"

Ilia continued to glare, her skin turning red in anger. He smiled.

"I just want to make sure you're okay."

"My people will come for me," Ilia growled, "They'll get me out of here."

She tried to sit up… And immediately slumped back down, nauseous. The boy held up a sick bag and she vomited into it.

"Yeah, you're definitely still suffering from a concussion," the boy sighed. He took the sickbag and put it into a medical waste bin. He got her some water in a bottle with a straw sticking out of the top. "Here."

Ilia glared. Jaune shook his head.

"It's all right. It's just water."

Ilia was thirsty. Very much so. She couldn't exactly make her escape if she was weak. So she sipped the water, glaring all the time.

"Can you remember your name?" Jaune asked. "Where you were born?"

Ilia's skin flashed several different colors. His eyes widened. She scowled harder.

Here it comes, she thought, hatred and disgust and fear and-

"Wow! You're a chameleon Faunus? That's so cool!" Jaune gushed. Ilia stared, her spots turning red and pink.

"Wh-What?"

"That's so amazing!" Jaune continued, leaning forward eagerly. "That's really cool! Can you do all sorts of patterns and stuff?"

"I…" Ilia was taken aback. She'd… Never been asked that. Not once. Out of reflex, her skin color and patterns changed rapidly. Jaune beamed.

"That's incredible," he said. "And it proves you're healing well if you can do that! My mom's the best doctor around!"

"... I see," Ilia murmured. She looked over her skin: She remembered burns, so many burns all over her body… But she couldn't see a trace. Not even the hints of scar tissue.

A human… Did this for me…? Ilia wondered. Humans did this for me?

"So, what is your name? Do you remember it?" Jaune asked.

Ilia stared at him intensely. She took a breath.

"Yes… But I'm not sharing it," she said, "My friends will come for me."

Jaune shrugged.

"Okay. They'll just have to check you out at the front desk then," he said. "You wanna call them?"

He pointed to the phone by the hospital bed. Ilia sucked in a deep breath.

"... Sure."

It was risky, but she knew a burner Scroll to call in case of emergencies. Jaune stood up and walked out. Ilia scowled as he left.

One kind human… Two kind humans… What does it matter?

She made the call. She waited…

"What?" A cold voice demanded. Ilia felt some relief though-It was Adam.

"I need… I need someone to check me out-Get me out of here-"

"We assessed the possibility of doing that. It would take too many resources," Adam stated. A pit formed in Ilia's stomach.

"But-You can't just-I've worked so hard-!"

"You let yourself be taken by the humans," Adam scoffed, "Your weakness betrays you. Blake believes you are dead. That is far better than letting her think you betrayed us."

"I didn't betray you, I'm still loyal!" Ilia insisted.

"Then why would the humans treat you so well?" Adam demanded. "As I said, Blake believes you are dead. Stay that way. If you come back it will be in disgrace and death."

The line went dead. Ilia stared at the phone receiver. Tears began to fall from her eyes.

She heard Jaune enter again. She felt his arms go around her-Comforting and warm.

"Hey… Are you okay?" Jaune asked quietly, "What's wrong?"

"... Ilia," she sobbed.

"Huh?"

"That's… That's my name. Ilia," Ilia cried, pushing her face into his chest. Confused, Jaune hugged her tightly.

"Ilia… That's a pretty name… Did you… Did you reach anyone who could help?"

"... No," Ilia whispered. "Nobody… I-I'm… I'm all… Alone."

Jaune held her for a while. He shook his head.

"Not anymore, Ilia. I… I'll ask my parents to help. We'll get you a job, promise. And I'll be your friend. Forever."

Ilia sniffled.

"You promise?"

"Always," Jaune whispered.

- - -

Two Years Later…

Ruby Rose stepped off the airship, squinting a bit at the bright sunlight. She took in the expanse of Beacon Academy before her, grinning despite her nervousness. Sure, being abandoned by her sister was a bit terrifying but she… She could do this! She could-!

She bumped into someone, and Dust went off in an explosion. She slammed into the pavement, digging a crater out with her face.

"Owww…!"

"Careful, you idiot!"

Ruby looked up. A white haired girl in white clothing scowled down at her, getting her various containers of Dust organized. Ruby winced.

"I'm sorry-HEY! You shouldn't ship that much Dust anyway!"

"You shouldn't be clumsy, little girl!" The girl sniffed.

"Hey. Need help?"

Ruby looked to her right. She saw an armored hand reach out to her. She followed the hand up his arm to his face: A kind, warm face with blond hair and blue eyes. Ruby flushed and didn't know why as he helped her stand up.

"Everyone okay?" He asked.

"Um, y-yes," Ruby managed. "Just me, a normal girl with normal knees!"

Smooth, her mind sarcastically supplied.

"Cool," he said, "I'm Jaune Arc. You are?"

"Ruby Rose," Ruby said with a nervous smile. His smile remained warm and friendly.

Jaune looked over at the young woman in white.

"You could be more careful, you know," he gently admonished her. The white haired girl blushed and sniffed.

"She should be! I am a Dust Expert! The Dust Expert! Weiss Schnee, of the Schnee Family!"

"The same family that employs slave labor of Faunus in their Dust Mines?" A black haired girl with a large, prominent bow asked dryly, walking by while carrying several books. Weiss flushed angrily.

"That's-That's all in the past! We stopped doing that-!"

"Not according to the news," another girl stated. She was dressed in a hoodie which shadowed her face. She stepped up to Jaune's side and took his hand. They shared a warm, loving look, before the girl turned towards the Schnee girl. She scowled at Weiss too… Before she looked at the dark haired girl. Her eyes widened.

"Blake…?"

The dark haired girl gaped at her in shock.

"Ilia?!"

Blake drew her weapon, a ninjato machine pistol, and pointed it at Ilia. Ilia, in turn, pulled out a whip crackling with electricity and held it up threateningly.

Ruby, Weiss and Jaune looked between the two furious girls. Jaune coughed. Weiss winced. Ruby again displayed her amazing social skills.

"So… I take it you two have met?"

- - -

 

[AndrewJTalon]

I have also had some thoughts for Arslan. We don't really have a proper kuudere character in RWBY-Blake doesn't really count. So since Arslan has to control her emotions for her Semblance, let's make her our kuudere!

She wouldn't be to Rei Ayanami levels. She's more like if Starfire was in the body of Raven and had to keep her emotions under control at all times. And she's warm and kind to people. But her deadpan nature means she often assumes people understand what emotion she was trying to convey. She does have blindspots. But she also has a wicked sense of humor.

Arslan: "I cannot actually cause someone's heart to explode with my Aura techniques... But bandits don't know that and are often stupid. Well, not specifically. It's really hard to blow up someone's heart and I'd prefer not to do it. It's a hassle and if they surrender, they have a chance to redeem themselves."

And of course, she would tease Jaune.

Arslan: "Oh no. You have seen me nude, Jaune Arc."

Jaune: "AH! NO! I-I'm sorry-"

Arslan: "I can no longer be a bride. Will you take responsibility?"

Jaune: "WHAT?!"

Arslan: "... I am joking. Was that not clear?"

It could also explain why Pyrrha, who has terrible social skills, failed to pick up that Arslan wanted to be her friendly rival.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Beacon hosts a Soapbox Derby. It goes about as well as you'd expect.

Weiss : Ruby you can't put an engine on your car.

Ruby: Why not?!

Weiss: Because that makes it not a soapbox car, it's just a gocart! Also, you can't have a dynamic suspension system! The point is that it's supposed to be in budget!"

Ruby: "It is!"

Weiss: "You spent our budget on TIRES!"

Ruby: "WE NEED TIRES!"

Weiss: "NOT RACING CAR TIRES!"

Ruby: "Ugh, I suppose you want me to remove the rocket boosters too!"

Weiss: "YES!"

With Team SSSN...

Neptune: "GUYS! WE NEED TO GET THIS DONE! AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES?!"

Scarlet: "Pretty much."

Sage: "Yeah."

Sun: "You won't let me touch anything."

Neptune: "YOU WRECKED IT BEFORE!"

Sun: "But you said you needed the frame assembled together!"

Neptune: "YOU DID IT UPSIDE-DOWN!"

Sun: "So? Can't you just pilot it upside down?"

Neptune: "NO! I WON'T LOOK COOL LIKE THAT!"

Team JNPR works as a well oiled machine... Though they have some hiccups.

Jaune: "We're not dropping grenades, Nora."

Nora: scoff "Well what am I even here for?!"

Team CMEN...

Mercury gets surprisingly into it.

Mercury: "My father had me enter a soapbox derby just so we could assassinate a guy. It was the only time he even acted like a good dad in my entire life. So we're gonna win this, not for him... But for me. ME!"

How does everyone else react to it? What do they build? And who wins the race?

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Jaune had returned to Radian. He had come to the crypt in Arcadia, the great stone fortress of the Arcs. It was after Vytal. They were planning to go after Cinder. He had come to the crypt to pray...

He stopped short. A familiar figure was standing there in the twilight, among the statues.

Jaune: "... Adam?!"

Adam: "..." He was staring at the statues "I remember... I remember coming here with you. To play at being a samurai, a great warrior. I learned the history of the great battles of the Arcs... And I found myself inspired."

Jaune is silent. He walks slowly towards Adam. He stops next to him, afraid, but... Something about Adam's tone is almost reassuring.

Jaune: "I remember. We had wooden swords. You were... Always better than me."

Adam: "... Yes... But you always got back up... And when our mothers were upset with your bruises, you always said you were the one who was clumsy."

Jaune: "I was... I wasn't good at blocking."

There is the tiniest hint of a smile on Adam's face.

Adam: "You threw me under the bus though... The pies at the fair? You took more than you should have."

Jaune: "What? No I didn't. You ate four! I only ate three!"

Adam: "..." chuckles "I ate five."

Jaune: "..." snickers "Me too... We both got in trouble for that. You took the blame."

Adam: "I was older. I should have taken responsibility."

Silence fell. Jaune sucked in a breath.

Jaune: "Adam... Why are you here?"

Adam: A long silence "... You're going after Cinder, aren't you?"

Jaune: "Yeah."

Adam: "You'll die in the attempt. Nothing can stop what is coming."

Jaune: "What is coming, Adam?"

Adam: "The final war. The war to end all wars. There will be a reckoning. A thousand years of slavery and misery will be repaid... And humanity will be no more."

Jaune: "No... You can't mean that, Adam! Not all humans are evil! You can't judge them all and sentence them to death!"

Adam: "I am not the one who chooses this. But I am bound to her decision. Bound to her will."

Jaune: "Who is she?"

Adam: "You'll find out soon enough."

Jaune: "She can't... You can't just sell yourself over to her, Adam! You swore you'd never be a slave again!"

Adam: "... In the end, we are all slaves, Jaune."

Jaune: "That's bullshit! Adam... Please. You wanted to be a hero of justice!"

Adam: nods "I did... But there is no such thing as justice, Jaune. Only power, and who wields it."

Jaune: "Then why come here at all?! Have you come to kill me?"

Adam: "... No. I just... I wanted to say goodbye. I'm sorry... The next we meet, I will kill you. Or you will kill me. There is no in between."

Jaune: "... I won't kill you. I refuse to."

Adam: "... Then you will die."

Jaune: "Adam!"

Adam: "Good bye, Jaune. I'm sorry... But childhood must give way to the future."

Adam flees into the night.

Jaune: "ADAM!" He holds up his hand "Adam..." He lowers his hand, and bows his head in sorrow