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SHINOBI: The RPG - New Game

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Fulcon, Jun 17, 2020.

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  1. Fulcon

    Fulcon Wim Hoff Method Initiate

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    Thank you, and your advice rings true. It is climbing a mountain, isn't it?

    Hm.

    Have a cookie.

    Desperation to share ideas I've had for years.

    Also this.


    Thank you. :)
     
  2. Sargon

    Sargon Know what you're doing yet?

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    This has has been a good ride, thanks for all the work, I've really enjoyed your writing!
     
  3. szalamang

    szalamang Your first time is always over so quickly, isn't it?

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    And so the shinobi who cheated death at the haunted mansion, cheated death once again and the entire world was forever changed...
     
    TitanX and Fulcon like this.
  4. Mike45

    Mike45 Terminator EU-lore fanatic

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    My 3 kopecs: because (at least in the Westernized part of world) it pisses off both edges of the cultural/ideological spectrum something fierce, like holy hell there are few things in existence that provokes so much disgust at the idea and practice and we all got a little by traumatized by the FALLOUT of their ANGER!

    (intentionally using caricatures here, please don't get offended)

    for the angry feministas and friends: "Harem" is just one big sign that all males are nothing but lust-crazed, predatory beasts that would enslave and torture all womankind if given half a chance and thus justifies their continued roaring crusade against the "Patriarchy !"

    for the modern christians and sympathizers: it's a giant spit upon the strict and orderly simplicity (sacred simplicity!) of one man + one woman or one person loyal to another one person, perfection!, "harem" is perceived as something that perverts and mocks what should and can only be be very holy pact.
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2020 at 8:57 PM
    Ryden1 and Fulcon like this.
  5. Seij

    Seij Conveniently Generic Title

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    I think the real experience in your story is in reading from the previous drafts up to this point. And sure, we get to experience Daisuke and friends, but the real experience is in how you grew up. Honestly, that by itself is a good journey. In reading what you've written, how you've written, and how you respond to those who've read your works, it describes a journey that runs somewhat parallel to Shinobi. I find that it adds a rare flavour to the experience of reading about Daisuke.
     
    Hyperluminary likes this.
  6. Hyperluminary

    Hyperluminary Your first time is always over so quickly, isn't it?

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    So, I'm not sure if this is the case or not, (can't recall if it came up in story or not, but I feel like it did without doing another re-read of the other threads to confirm) but I get the read that Fulcon was raised as a member of the LDS church.

    Kind of a lot of potential baggage with that specific sort of relationship structure there as well, if so, in a few different and not necessarily obvious ways.

    If I'm not correct, I apologise for the assumption.


     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2020 at 1:37 AM
  7. Stanley_Jeb

    Stanley_Jeb Making the rounds.

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    Honestly... I didn't mind part 1 much. The problem for me was just... When Daisuke got Almost Perfect, that was the end of the story. That was the end goal. Naruto becoming the Hokage, Luffy finding the One Piece, Goku finally destroying Piccolo. Afterwards, there wasn't really a story left for me. The person who came back basically lacked everything that made Daisuke Daisuke, a personality-death in a sense, and I had no reason to care about the new character.

    Honestly, with you saying Almost Perfect isn't a thing, I was immediately up for it, because that always felt like the biggest problem. Daisuke being lazy is counteracted by the SPECIAL system because now there's an actual reward associated with it, which could change his perception in an instant since not being lazy is now numerically, provably worth it. No real need to change the character itself if you just change how he came to be. Positive reinforcement goes a long way if you've never experienced it before.

    As for Anko... Honestly, that felt weak to me. I can see why you would go that route, it's an SI, and apparently no SI knows biology well enough to understand that no, cramming an adults mind in a child won't automatically turn them back into an adult, and that there's a reason why puberty is such a drawn-out biochemical process (no, this isn't a rip on you, it just slips people's mind from time to time), but I feel like a bit of Skill in Medicine could circumvent that as well if you still want the "I'm a pedophile" drama-angle without shoving a secondary character on him. Still, we know Anko in this story, so even if you wanted to redo the Anko-Daisuke thing, it would work better than it did.

    ...Though I also must say that... No, Daisuke as a villain would never have worked. Not with Almost Perfect. That being said, you could have it work now that Charisma checks don't give him this weird Zen state of perfect understanding in regards to other human beings. Food for thought, if you want to go with that.
     
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  8. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Know what you're doing yet?

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    I always considered it as not so much about whether putting an adult mind in a youngling's body makes an adult so much as the mental baggage that comes with the process. No daisuke being physically attracted to people his own age wouldn't be a bad sign or anything. No, that doesn't mean he isn't going to have a squick reaction. I understand the science, and I'D have a squick reaction. Why? Squick doesn't, and has never, cared about your rational thoughts. Lizard brain meets social programming to train people for certain reactions doesn't just go away.
     
  9. Stanley_Jeb

    Stanley_Jeb Making the rounds.

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    It has been a while since I've read part 1 proper, but I seem to recall this having been kind of a big deal to him far beyond just Squick. It wasn't just "ew, no," he made a whole drama out of the Hanako thing. Doubly so since he's bad with Charisma. This could've been kinda funny for him to go "No, because the thought of being with you utterly disgusts me" and then having to deal with the fallout, but he kinda didn't do that either. It was just completely off for me.
     
  10. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Know what you're doing yet?

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    And Daisuke, whatever version you're dealing with, is actually an extremely dramatic person about anything he actually cares about. Strong negative or conflicted reactions magnify. He didn't out and say the extreme thing, because even a cha of one is still one point of social acumen as opposed to zero, and he still had physical attraction even if he didn't like it.
     
  11. Pef

    Pef Versed in the lewd.

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    It would be interesting to see if the MC's kids inherit some of his gekkai traits. And before you jump up in outrage, remember Crusader Kings, and all the nice bloodline upgrades you can achieve with proper eugenics.
     
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