Tandem the Spoony's Next Adventure [F/SN x CM(D&D)]

Well, fuck. Not all failures, but....damn.

 

Alright then; shame on the charisma and Shirou rolls, writing...

 

Wait, I don't understand.
We do good or bad?

 

Average on scrying, good on Performance, critfail on Charisma, and subpar on training Shirou.

Not a total failure, but definitely not what we'd hope for. Sounds like we did alright with the first, good on the second, bad on third, and just too great on the training.

 

Alright; first thing's first, you gotta figure out a strategy from here. Right now all you got is a mad demigod on your ass, a sexually confused man in a jumpsuit you've robbed of depth perception, and a pretty red gem. Oh, and what's probably a legendary sword of power and legend; can't forget that too. You need info, and you need it now.

Thankfully; you can get said info, scrying is such a wonderful spell. You know two of your targets, and have a connection for the other. You pull out the gem necklace; more of a pendant really, and your scrying mirror. But before you do that, you cast Detect Magic on the thing. Once the spell hits the pendant; you get a faint aura from it. You figure that it was a one use artifact and that it had already blown it's load; only dregs and fumes of power remain in it.

Which begs the question; what was it used on, and what for? Given it was near Shirou, you think it may be prudent to check him over for any spells or curses on him; never hurts to be paranoid about this sort of thing. Besides, it's not paranoia when they're really out to get you; which they usually are. All too often you've seen a thief say, "All clear!", only to get a spear to the face from a trap they didn't detect. Yeah, leaning on the side of caution is never a bad idea.

You materialize and make you way to the living room, noticing that Shirou's up and in the kitchen cooking up breakfast. You whistle to get his attention and wave, "Yo, sup. Feeling alright dude?"

He stops his cooking for a bit when you grab his attention and says, "Oh, it's you. Yeah, I feel fine; why?"

"Well, you never know; could've been hit by a subtle curse or spell that's either delayed or has a not-so-obvious effect. Which is why I'm going to check you over for that sort of thing. Especially since I found this," you pull out the pendant, "Close to where you were at last night when I was summoned."

Shirou looks confused, "A pendant?"

"A magic pendant; meant for a single use spell by the looks of it, and it's been used up. Might've been on you, might not have been; but better to be safe than sorry. We'll do it after you eat breakfast, alright?"

"You're not eating? I'm already cooking up something for you..." Wow, kid has odd priorities; he might be cursed and instead he focuses on how you're not going to eat.

You shrug, "Eh, I'll eat if it's offered; but it's part of the whole, 'Servant and Heroic Spirit' package. No need to eat or sleep, can become incorporeal; so you don't need to cook extra. Probably be easier on the wallet if you didn't."

"Nonsense, you're a guest in my home; and we're partners for this War. Least I can do is cook enough for you to eat." Well that was nice of him; just because you didn't need to eat doesn't mean you wouldn't like to.

So you both eat; kid's a good cook, sure as hell better than most of the people on food duty in any adventuring group you were in. And man was it good to actually eat something; you never really appreciate the simple things in life until they're ripped away from you and you're stuck in a blank white void. Anyways; time to play doctor and perform a check-up.

You cast the Detect Magic spell on Shirou after you've both finished eating, and you ping three different signatures. You do it again, and you're able to differentiate between the three signatures. One more time, and you've more or less figured out what each aura you were getting was.

One was the Servant/Master connection that was keeping you here and providing you with energy; though it was sorta faulty and could be better. Thankfully, you had enough reserves to survive even with a faulty connection like this; so you weren't worried about that.

The next was...weird. Little known fact about Detect Magic; it always has a sorta faint ping on any spellcasters like Wizards or Clerics, apparently it's because they 'wield and control magic so often, it leaves a mark' or something like that; the few Wizards you've met who've brought it up were always kinda vague about how that worked. It was basically the same reason Elementals also pinged the spell; albeit as a Conjuration of some sort. No one really cared about that tidbit though; because there were usually other, more obvious ways to tell if someone was a spellcaster of some sort. Especially for wizards.

Anyways; the reading you were getting from this second aura, it was sorta like that, but a bit more...focused? Refined? It was different enough for you to say that Shirou wasn't a wizard or any other spellcaster from back home, but that he could use magic. Just probably not your own.

And the third...oh man; was that a doozy. You couldn't quite tell what it was besides 'fucking powerful' and 'divine'. You're, like, 95% sure it was an artifact of some sort though. Not sure how you were going to take it out; but it was there.

"So it looks like you're clear; except you have a magic artifact of some sort stuck in you, it's powerful and divine from what I'm getting. That's all I got though, sorry."

Shirou looks surprised when you mention an artifact, "What?! How? I'm not that good at Magecraft; I'm barely an amateur. I can't possibly have gotten something like that."

You think on this for a second, "...Know anyone who did? Or probably would've had the means or motive to? It's not doing anything harmful; so it could've been to protect you, or to keep the artifact itself safe."

"No, I-wait," he stops, "My father; he saved me from the fire that happened ten years ago. I thought I was dead, but he managed to save my life. Do you think..."

"Hellish fire, doomed kid, no chance of survival; yeah, it's probably because of whatever's jammed into you that you survived. I don't think it's doing anything now, though. Like the gem, it's outta juice. We'll focus on it later; for now, it's planning time."

Shirou looks pensive for a bit, then shakes his head, "Right, focus on the war. So, what should we do?"

"Well, first off; we can be certain that everything's going to go down at nighttime. What with this being a secret cabal war and all; which means we should try to get the lay of the land during the daytime. Also; since our opposition isn't active during the day, that means that we won't get much from spying on them right now. But," you take the mirror and gem that you've set aside, "we can at least figure out who one of the Master's we don't know about is."

You prepare the spell, using the pendant as a connection for your target; helpful, because you had nothing else to go on for who this could be. The mirror begins to ripple as an image began to replace your reflection. You peer into it, with Shirou looking over your shoulder.

You see a room, with a girl with black hair and rather fetching figure shambling out. The spell follows her, and eventually leads to the kitchen of what is probably her house. Yeah, she's definitely not a morning person. Looks about Shirou's age too.

You turn to him, "Know her, kid?"

Shirou looks surprised, "That's Tohsaka, she's basically the school idol; I never knew she was a magus." You were about to ask about what he meant by 'school idol', but when you got an info-dump on what a school was you more or less figured it out. Huh, you were sorta expecting something like those Wizard Academies you've heard of and been to on occasion.

You look at the scene for several mintues longer, and cast Detect Magic through the mirror; sure enough, you hit something. It pops up sorta like how Elementals do, only a bit different; so it's probably her Servant. It doesn't look like she's going to be doing any talking anytime soon though, and you only got another ten mintues or so, so you end the spell.

You then clap your hands, "Alright! Now that we've got that out of the way, time to begin making you," you jab your finger at Shirou, "into one of the greatest swordsmen in all the land. Thankfully I am not only the Greatest Swordsman in the World, but an excellent teacher as well. Afterwards, we'll go scouting."

Shirou again is surprised at your outburst, but then nods enthuiastically, "Alright! I'll be the best student I can be, Tandem."

Right, this should be a breeze; kid's got enthusiasm and your Noble Phantasm basically makes you a perfect teacher. You got this.

You...don't got this; it's be hours and while the kid's improved leaps and bounds, you gotta admit something: no matter how good of a teacher you are, you can't change the potential of your student.

That's not to say Shirou isn't good, he is; rather skilled and talented all things considered. But, well; that was what you were like, before you go the cheap Noble Phantasm upgrade: kinda skilled and talented with a sword, but nothing special. Nothing that make you worthy of being a Kensei or a Spellsword. Just...on the better side of 'above average'.

And so was Shirou; though he sure as hell was more dedicated to improving than you were. But being a Kensei, he wasn't. You basically put him through the meat grinder and he pushed himself to exceed expectations; only...he didn't. Oh you're sure he can hold his own against a mid-skilled Fighter if he had to; but a Servant? Or a spellcaster on the level one would assume a Master to be? Yeah, no.

Also, he was unfortunately too beat up to even move; even after several healing spells. You could heal him further, but doing that would undo all the work that drilling was for. Still; like you said earlier, you had a long leash. You can scout without him.

So, where will you go?
[X] Write-in (Bar, Club, what?)

 

[X] Shirou said he worked at The Copenhagen Bar? Good enough place to start, we can meet his employer, learn more about the kid, and the man with a finger on the pulse of the city is the man dispensing the alcohol. Or the woman. You see no way this can go wrong!
-[X] Also, by the gods do you need a stiff drink. Lots of them. See if you can bring back some booze, something tells you you're gonna need it.
-[X] And you just plain miss good liquor.


Also, should we leave Shirou somewhere safe and make him invisible or something?

 

He's at home; and if he's in trouble you're a Command Seal away. If you want though, you can give him your djinn ring for safety.

 

And there is NO WAY that can go wrong.

Also, surprised Shirou and Tandem got quality alone time (wink wink nudge nudge). Wonder if visitors are going to be coming later...

 

Tomorrow is a school day; which means one thing...

 

EXCELLENT!

The ham shall be delicious.

 

[X] Stalk that shapely girl we had scryed before. We have Presence Concealment after all. So she shouldn't know we are following her. Some more information on this war could be useful.

 

With her Servant nearby? Seems like a fairly foolish risk to take. We're not True Assassin good, we're B Rank. And I think Command Seals give our presence away to a Master. Not sure, I'd have to check, but yeah.

Also, Rin shapely? Luuuuuulz.

 

Be fair, she's like the Naga the White Serpent of tsundere.

 

She's...what, a C-cup I think? Man I dunno how fucking measurements work; I just remember reading somewhere that Sakura was around a D~E-cup and went from there.

 

Say whaaaaaaaaa? I'd have to check on that one later tonight.

 

Don't feel bad. I wear the fucking things and I don't understand how the measurements for them work.

It doesn't help that Japanese sizes are all up a letter from American ones, so a D becomes an E and so on down the line. If Sakura is a Japanese D-E, that makes her a North American C-D.

 

Plan Hynm
Lets go bar hopping there are drinks and ladies waiting... and some scouting.

 

[X] Hymn

 

Actual assassins in the grail war have had to work through worse before. B rank isn't the best but its better then what most assassins get. We have the skill to sneak up on her. Maybe sneak up on her in a crowd? >

 

[X] Shirou said he worked at The Copenhagen Bar? Good enough place to start, we can meet his employer, learn more about the kid, and the man with a finger on the pulse of the city is the man dispensing the alcohol. Or the woman. You see no way this can go wrong!
-[X] Also, by the gods do you need a stiff drink. Lots of them. See if you can bring back some booze, something tells you you're gonna need it.
-[X] And you just plain miss good liquor.

 

Assassin-class Servants usually have A+ Rank Presence Concealment unless they're abberations like False Assassin. And they have issues with the whole 'sneak kill' thing.

You can certainly try, but don't expect thing to go as planned...

 

We wouldn't be going for 'sneak kill', though.

Merely surveillance would probably remove any 'sensing the killing intent' or just noticing the attack itself (its sound/airpressuer/just seeing it/nigh precognitive instinct) instead of the assassin's presence.

 

You still risk being detected by Archer, and your Presence Concealment isn't as good as an Assassin's is. You'd have to spy from a distance if you didn't want to risk a fight, probably too far off to listen in on anything they say. At that point; you might as well lay on a Greater Scrying and spy on them the whole entire day in the safety of Shirou's home.

 

Hit the town! Like the fist of a drunk god! Have a merry old time!

 

[X]Time to imbibe many an alcoholic beverage and make much merry with a attractive female!

 

I think the work you are looking for is imbibe. Imbue means to permeate an object not consume it.

 

Also, it's 'make merry'. But yeah, let's get so liquored up we declare ourselves the Lizard King.

 

[X] Shirou said he worked at The Copenhagen Bar? Good enough place to start, we can meet his employer, learn more about the kid, and the man with a finger on the pulse of the city is the man dispensing the alcohol. Or the woman. You see no way this can go wrong!
-[X] Also, by the gods do you need a stiff drink. Lots of them. See if you can bring back some booze, something tells you you're gonna need it.
-[X] And you just plain miss good liquor.

I think we need an ally at this point. Who we know that could be a good match?

Rin/Archer? Ah ah, no. Lancer? We are in debt of an eyeball. Caster and Assassin? Did Medea knows about Tandem and viceversa? Shinji/Rider? Time to save the damsel in distress. With insecticide.

At least we need someone to teach Shirou how to use magic properly and repair the link.

 

I really don't see Rider not hating the kind of person we are.

 

Considering Tandem was a god at one point and got thrown down because of having sex with Athena I'm fairly sure Mesusa knows of us. Whether we know about her is another thing entirely. Still she should like us or at least appreciate our presence if only because we're known for being heroic, and what does her master need?