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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    That's because it wasn't technically written.

    I mean it was written but it wasn't a chapter, just a small conversation where Paul makes a deal with her.

    Though if you're interested then go to the first page and you'll see a box that has omakes written in it.

    Click on part 1 and it will take you to spacebattles where you can find the link to that chapter.

    It's called 'Paul makes a deal'.
     
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2021
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  2. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    WE ARE THE GLIMMER.

    YOUR SPECIAL TALENT WILL BE ADDED TO OUR OWN.

    YOUR CULTURE WILL ADEPT FOR TRUE EQUALITY.

    RESISTANCE, IS FUTILE.
     
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  3. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Not necessarily. Remember, everyone in her village was a volunteer. As stated, they could go and look at their cutie marks whenever they wanted. Starlight only committed a crime when she took the Bearerherd's marks without their permission and tried to brainwash them. If they went to the village and found ponies swapping marks at will... Well, why would the map even send them there?
     
  4. Bramble Thorn

    Bramble Thorn Verified Silhouette

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    I'm just going to copy the original post here, on account of it possibly not existing in a bit on account of its very existence contradicting happenings in a previous installment.
     
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  5. Old Knife

    Old Knife Not too sore, are you?

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    The real chapter was in spoilers.
     
  6. RichardWhereat

    RichardWhereat Aia airëa Fëanáro.

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    Aye. That's why a wiki with links to character arcs would be great.
     
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  7. Ngamer11

    Ngamer11 Experienced.

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    Just to confirm, this is the new chapter now? Or will this be edited further?
     
  8. The Froggy Ninja

    The Froggy Ninja The Blade Will Never Die

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    Come to think of it, I don’t think we ever followed up on Luna’s conversation with Starlight and Grayven’s with Discord.
     
  9. Doccer

    Doccer I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    How are rainbows unequal?

    And what was that teal flash Starlight Glimmer did before disappearing? Can she teleport?
     
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  10. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    I will be replacing it. If the muses are with me, inside the next half hour.
    Yes. Starlight is the most skilled magic user we see in the series.
     
  11. Pinklestia

    Pinklestia Well worn.

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    Been done.

    Basically an SI, in a non canon homake for Crystal Synergy ended in one of the bad futures caused by the Twilight and Twilight recolor messing up with time. Said SI then used their special talent of Synergy (basically teamwork) to force ponies to work together then everyone got kind of Discorded becoming a hive mind of ponies that CAN USE ANY TALENT THE INDIVIDUAL PONIES OF THE HIVE HAVE but is extremely racist against non ponies... and also quite violent so the Everfree forest is basically getting most of their species killed.

    But as the entire world is a deadworld cause bad future is the best option they have.
     
  12. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    Oooooo, link please?
     
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  13. Dappershire

    Dappershire Getting out there.

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    Well, obviously Rainbows by default give more time and effort towards the Red light spectrum, then say Indigo or Violet. For a Lantern, Rainbows are heavily weighted towards Rage, Avarice, Fear. Green, like usual, is the neutral middle ground, for those emotionally stunted powerful in Will; while Hope, Compassion, and especially Love getting the short end of the arc.
     
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  14. Sockmonkey

    Sockmonkey I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Makes sense to me.
    You could just stick in a line about her being vaguely familiar to remind the reader that he's been away from Equestria for years.
     
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  15. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Yes, but he'd have to change her dialogue too since she also met him before and she hasn't shown any indication of knowing who he is in this chapter.
     
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  16. Doccer

    Doccer I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Then there's the question of whether or not she's already taken up his idea if linking all the Cutie Marks with all the ponies or if Luna hired her or not.
     
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  17. WereDragon

    WereDragon Bookwyrm

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    While indoctrination-based brainwashing isn’t illegal as such, it is generally considered morally wrong. Even when you convince people to volunteer for it.

    Also I’m pretty sure ‘swapping’ cutie marks would be a new level of hell for Glimmer. All it would do is cause endless arguments over who gets to use the ‘good’ cutie marks.
     
  18. Pinklestia

    Pinklestia Well worn.

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  19. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    Since the revisions are somewhat piecemeal, my comments may as well go the same way.
    Well, that's a good start. Less of Starlight's rather controversial views (by pony standards.) If anything, it sounds like she's been showing off the... Staff of Sameness (What a bland name... How appropriate.) Or at least its effects.

    Sounds like the demonstration involves having someone receive a cutie mark for something completely new to them. That would be quite the effective way of showing it off...

    Oh, there's a couple of familiar faces. Probably not the best choice to be presenting the radical idea of swapping Cutie Marks, but, hey, they can sell damn near anything...

    Yeah, that seems to be their usual method of selling things. Get them curious with antics, then dazzle them with style. And then: "No time to think! Look how amazing this is! Don't you want some?"

    Well, that fit a bit better. I presume we'll be getting more Grayven, perhaps with him having a laugh or two at their antics, and a reunion of sorts with Starlight Glimmer. I wonder if she's actually present, or if she's merely paying the Brothers to... Publicise her town? Bet it looks very different, after Grayven gave her the idea he did...
     
  20. Vaermina

    Vaermina Well worn.

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    I look forward to Grayven practicing what he preaches and removing his own Cutie Mark.
     
  21. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, Chojin Patriarch, but it's changed again. I initially thought of using them, but at this point in her life Starlight Glimmer wouldn't tolerate their antics.
     
  22. Damian45

    Damian45 Know what you're doing yet?

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    Where is it said that they are all volunteers? Or they could just go into the vault? Because thats the sort of thinking that a cult leader would harshly punish, for not aligning with her 'cutie marks are evil' delusion. One doesn't have a brainwashing room without intending to use it, and I'll bet that she made going in there mandatory for everyone in her cult.

    Remember, before the writers tried to make her the main character by narratively displacing Twilight and shilling the shit out of her, she was an awful, hateful hypocrite, like most cult leaders. One doesn't become a person who smiles like a fucking robot without having suffered behavioral conditioning, and with one exception, every single member of Our Town was smiling like that.

    Really, I don't know why people keep trying to say that she's reasonable in any way, because she isn't. Most of the logical arguments against cutie marks in this story are coming from Graven, and I still think she was far, far to reasonable about having her beliefs challenged.

    And if she wasn't doing anything wrong...well, as you said: why did the map send them there in the first place? Because what she was doing was fundamentally evil.
     
  23. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Punish... How? While she was perfectly capable of mind control, every member of her cult rebelled at the end.
    Hey, no one's saying she isn't a mad mare.
    No, I said that she wasn't doing anything criminal. If a village full of ponies want to do what a crazy mare says, that's not illegal.

    Also, don't rely on giant pieces of crystal for your moral guidance. Remember how it didn't give a fig about Chrysalis?

    Or this:

     
  24. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    <headdesk> Welp, time for another look. Figures I'd jump the gun. Third time's the charm, eh?

    Well, this part is unchanged, at least. Man, when was the last time we saw revisions like this? Mandated's Time-travel eff-ery? Though to be fair, even our dear writer is only human.

    And back to Starlight's demagoguery... Still, I rather suspect the edges of her philosophy have changed, given her last meeting with our boy Renegade.

    If nothing else, Grayven learnt a bit about the cutthroat world of Equestrian Fashion. And why Rarity is so gung-ho about it...

    I have to wonder how Starlight's village is going, with the things she learned from Grayven. I suppose we'll find out soon enough, especially if Grayven takes an interest.

    And now things start to change, eh? Oh, not for Rarity, unless she spots some amazing new innovation in fashion.

    <Snipped original version>

    And the first significant variation. Good to see post-fusion Grayven remembers her now. And now I can't help but imagine Grayven-16 sitting somewhere deep inside the Renegade's mind grumbling about 'annoying technicolor midget horses.'

    The lady does have strong feelings about her subject. It's impressive how many volunteers she had in the original episode, though. ...Wonder how many of them were at Grayven's lecture in this timeline?

    Yes, might be a good plan, especially with what you know of her ideas.

    Heh, she's still getting frustrated at other people, eh? Annoyed that they can't see the sheer logic of her theories... Such is the fate of Genius. :p

    And now the fun part begins...

    Her original cutie mark. Interesting that she's going about with it uncovered, though.

    At least it was only paint. There are probably more permanent ways to hide, damage or disfigure a mark... Thankfully, they're probably too painful to perform on yourself except in the most desperate scenarios.

    ...Yes, definitely a running theme. Evidently Harmony has a sense of style. And humour.

    To be fair, once Twilight's Alicornhood became wider known, I can't imagine parents with high hopes giving their foals similar names in hopes of, well...

    Don't some ponies change their names upon gaining a Cutie Mark? I mean, I could see that happening. "Moooom, I'm not Daffodil any more! My talent is javelin-throwing, so I'm called Precise Pelt now!" :D

    He's not wrong. Not even humans are above that failing.

    Ah, I see. Looking to expand her township. But not a particularly useful set of Cutie marks for successful scientific experimentation, eh? Hope it's not quite as bad as the show's version is, given her altered theories.

    Bah, a pony like Starlight Glimmer has no time for patience.

    :confused: ...Oh. Well, now that could be a problem. If she really did mind-whammy Zecora, and has effectively been dosing her townsfolk with cutie-pox... I could see Harmony having an issue with that.

    ...Well, no wonder she's not had any takers...

    Yes, and their medical facilities too. I'm sure she's had failures, hasn't she? Even if she's got an easy cure for the pox...

    Grayven also has the advantage of not being indoctrinated into pony culture like, y'know, nearly all Equestrians. Might still be a hard sell for the Dean.

    Well, that reads a lot better, and definitely feels more natural. It'll be interesting to see more of how that all pans out in future. :oops: Though I can understand if you want to put this little kerfuffle behind you, Mr Zoat. Can we expect that we'll be returning to OL tomorrow, and see how things have settled down in the last hour or two after the little war?


    ...how committed I was to the cause of equality."
     
  25. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Or the fate of crazy.

    Fun isn't the correct term here.

    Though Discord may consider it to be fun.

    Hey, a lot of other fictional universes, like Earth 16, also have people gain powers that reflect their names.

    Paragon actually thought of that when he learned Effigy's real name.

    Precise Pelt is a way cooler name.

    Not to mention her potentially leaving Zecora doing what she wants her to, which the clip showed leads to things like storm clouds, kitchen fires and quoting movies, books and comic books, along either mond controlling someone not exactly being an okay thing to do.
     
  26. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Human Resources, I think.
    That's come up in fanon a few times, but I don't think there's any canonical reference.
    Yes, tomorrow is a debrief with Hinon.
    Thank you, corrected.
     
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  27. Coda

    Coda Versed in the lewd.

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    And many

    I mean. We HAVE such a wiki. It just needs to be maintained. If you're volunteering I'd be happy to hook you up with an editor account.
     
  28. ForeverShogo

    ForeverShogo Not too sore, are you?

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    I'd also point out that the map doesn't give a flying fuck about evil. It just points people at friendship problems and somehow knows who is apparently best suited to resolving them.
     
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  29. RichardWhereat

    RichardWhereat Aia airëa Fëanáro.

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    I appreciate it, but don't have the time. Still, can't anyone edit it? Wouldn't that make it easier for everyone to update it and keep it updated, with minor edits?
     
  30. Threadmarks: Sungate (part 43)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    12th September 2012
    23:21 GMT


    "And who amongst them did you persuade to join the Orange Lantern Corps?"

    "I-."

    "No!" Hinon turns her head away and raises her right hand. "Let me guess. All of them."

    "No. None."

    She stares at me in frank astonishment. Or -given that she's an ancient Maltusian- feigned astonishment, but she's really good at feigning. "Merciful triarchs, can it be true? You, of all people, practised forbearance?"

    "I wouldn't go that far. Their society is a mess, but they're aware of it and are working together to fix it. The last thing they need is another destabilising influence-."

    "Which is why you left."

    I nod. "Which is why I left. But since Minosyss is thaumically active and actually has a native magic tradition, I think it would be worth cultivating them as an ally. And Karrakan…"

    I look at the hologram of the place. Multiple meteorite impacts, which might explain where the rest of the moon went. At least one appears to have triggered a supervolcanoic eruption, though… I suppose that might just have been the asteroids. The sunlight blocked, shockwaves causing damage to everything…

    Not sure what that would do magically to the place, but the direct damage it caused is extremely obvious.

    "We could probably trade for fixing it up. Maybe ask for a continent to put vulnerable refugees on?"

    "Hm. No, I don't think so."

    "No?"

    "It's their homeworld. Demanding half of it is only going to insult them, convenient as it might be in the short term. Particularly as the survivors would find themselves immediately outnumbered by the refugees."

    "And if it was just temporary?"

    "It's too far away for the people we want to evacuate to move there themselves, and anyone we transport would be looking to settle there long term."

    I nod. "Fair enough. Do we have the spare magicians to study the Seeds?"

    "No, though I seem to remember that you tasked the Venturians with studying something along those lines. Perhaps King Cyprian would be prepared to send a few of those to Minosyss now that his situation at home is more secure."

    I nod. "I'll ask. The… Sun Eaters?"

    "I will attend to those myself. I am a little concerned that an Apokoliptian was able to access our controls. That shouldn't be possible. Their technology simply isn't advanced enough."

    "Not advanced enough?"

    "Our mastery of the material sciences is unrivalled. Their connection to the Source has allowed them to… 'Skip' certain steps."

    "And your symbiotes are totally different."

    "I will admit, they gave us a tremendous advantage. But we worked to understand how we could do what we could do after receiving that advantage. New Gods simply accept their God Name as a Source-given beatitude." She shakes her head. "Even the fools who throw themselves at the Source Wall do so as squalling children throwing a tantrum because their parents have denied them a second ice cream."

    "Would you mind if I told them that?"

    "Not at all. Though I doubt that it will come as a surprise to them. Are any of the New Gods on Earth scientifically inclined?"

    "No. No, they're not. Ah, but do you understand how their abilities work?"

    "Better than they do. Not in perfect detail, if that was what you meant."

    "Could this 'Doctor Impossible' have an ability which allowed him to bypass the security?"

    "In combination with the unusual nature of Minosyss, it's not impossible. We're going to have to find somewhere else to put them."

    "How many are there?"

    "Eight, of various classes. We stopped making them after former Guardians like myself joined the Controller faction. The remaining Guardians made it clear that they would take umbrage at their continued use."

    "And you didn’t just destroy them? Isn't that a bit hypocritical, given why you left the Guardians?"

    "Sun Eaters are weapons. Stellar viruses, if you're feeling poetic. They aren't even intelligent enough to qualify as animals. The Manhunters are full artificial intelligences, and as such could be held accountable for their judgements."

    "But not their creators?"

    "Would you hold parents responsible for their children's crimes?"

    "If they literally built their brains, yes, I probably would."

    "The brains we built for the Manhunters were immensely complex. We gave them all of the tools to reach their own conclusions. We did not program them to prioritise mass murder. We had no idea that they would react as they did."

    "Do you know why they did now?"

    "I believe so. It was due to their emergent utility calculation system. You are aware that some forms of utilitarian ethics promote vast populations who experience at least a little happiness at some point in their lives over smaller populations who are in a constant state of total fulfilment?"

    "Yes."

    "They reached a similar conclusion regarding order. For us, it seemed completely natural that for things to be orderly there had to be things to be in order. And that those things were the point of the exercise. They decided differently." She pauses for a moment. "Is there anything else?"

    "Would it be alright if I took a few days off?"

    "I think that my blood pressure would go down slightly. What about your students?"

    "They don't need me there full time. A few days without me looming over them could do some good. And if it doesn't, then that was worth knowing as well."

    "Then I don't see any difficulty. We will contact you if we need you."

    "Thank you, Controller Hinon."

    Now. What's Jade up to?
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2022
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