Worms (part 19)
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Mr Zoat
Dedicated ragequitter
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12th October 2013
17:55 GMT -5
Kal-El blinks. "Excuse me?"
"It's not a complicated idea, son. Washington and Lincoln both exercised extraordinary power during times of crisis. Hell, that's why we have an executive; someone's got to make a decision."
"Are you.. saying that you want me to become President? Because-" He slowly shakes his head. "-that can't happen."
"The Hell it can't. According to the original Constitution, the runner up became Vice President. You came third."
"That was changed a long time ago."
"Clark, if there-" Kal-El can't quite stop himself reacting. "-was an election today, between you, Knight, and… Horne, or Suarez, or whoever else the Democrats put up, who would win?"
"I… Don't have a party supporting me. I wouldn't have.. the organisation."
"Phooey. Between your fan club and all the people you've helped out over the years, you could get one if you needed it and I don't think you would."
"I wouldn't have support in the House-."
I choke-laugh.
"… Orange Lantern?"
"Sir… No one is politically suicidal enough to say 'I voted against Superman'. If it happens, all you'd have to do is publically announce how sorry you were that the people on this list, from these constituencies, didn't feel able to support your reconstruction efforts, and they'd all be hit by recall elections before the news spot ended. There are good reasons for not doing this, but 'it wouldn't work' isn't one of them."
"We're not due another Presidential Election for three years, and by then the situation won't be the same."
"So get the Vice President to resign, have Knight nominate you and then resign himself."
Kal-El shakes his head, looking away from his interrogator. Unfortunately, his wandering eyes alight upon me, and I'm clearly looking like I think it's a decent idea.
"Okay, it-. It would make it harder for me to work with other countries if I was formally representing America, and I'm not eligible. I wasn't born in this country. I was born on Krypton, and I don't want to have to confirm my exact age."
Because while Kryptonian society appears to be fairly John Byrne, infant Kal-El was born on Krypton and came to Earth in a spaceship, rather than having his parents' genetic material loading into a hyperspace-capable artificial womb.
"And who else knows that?"
"My parents, most of the Justice League… Ah… Lex Luthor almost certainly knows. And I can't stand as Clark Kent either, for the exact same reasons. Look, I'm not going to pretend that I don't see an argument in favour of having a strong focal government figure during a time of national crisis, but doing that would completely undermine democracy, the rule of law… America."
"We… Could…" Zatanna looks nervous. "Try and get a constitutional amendment passed?"
Kal-El shakes his head. "That would be incredibly self-serving. I'm not-."
"No it would not. It would only be self-serving if you wanted it. You becoming President would make the office of President relevant again. Because right now, the highest authority in America is you, and the government is doing sweet Fanny Adams to help you out."
"I know it's not ideal, but we can't afford to step back yet."
"And I don't want you to. I want you to use the mechanisms of state that exist to handle these eventualities."
"Ah, if I may?"
Kal-El gives me an uncomfortable nod.
"The age thing is manageable. We can find a parallel universe where time moves at a different rate, you can take a two year holiday, won't even be a lie. But we can't do anything about 'natural born citizen' that doesn't involve lying. Which we can do, I can fabricate evidence pretty well, but I understand that you don't want to, and… Uncle Sam? I've beaten my head against this wall before. Kal-El isn't interested in becoming optimally efficient. He has red lines, and they're not moving. Lying to the American public to achieve public office appears to be one of those lines."
Uncle Sam sighs. "I respect your convictions, but I need you to understand that this is going to fray the fabric of American society in a way that's going to take decades to repair."
"I thought they'd handle it through devolution. Though if it really bothers you, why not run yourself? You're over thirty-five, and you were definitionally born in the United States."
"Because scarcely anyone remembers when I was a superhero. I don't have the personal renown to overcome the limits of the party political system. Can I at least be assured that you don't think that Knight is fit for office?"
"That's… Not my decision."
"On the contrary, 'President' is an elected office. It's everyone's decision."
"He… Hasn't recovered well."
"The nation needs dynamic, forceful leadership and it's stuck with an empty vessel who repeats back what the last person he spoke to told him. I don't hate Knight, there are plenty worse, but he should not be in office, and the only ones who can remove him are the members of the Justice League."
"We felt that backing him was the right thing to do."
"Being wrong isn't a crime. Not fixing it is making the entire population of the United States of America decide that their federal government isn't worth a wooden n-."
"How about Nathaniel Adams?"
They both look at me.
"I mean, I'm told it wasn't official, but he was the man we put in charge of the U.S. when the entire federal government was Anti-Lifed. He's well known, doesn't have a secret identity, he's over thirty-five as a matter of public record, he was born in the United States… I mean, it's him or Green Arrow, and Green Arrow isn't actually all that well known in his public identity."
Uncle Sam mulls it over. "He's not the man I want. He doesn't have the same degree of acclaim, and wouldn't really be much better than an actual politician. But he could do the job required."
Kal-El shakes his head. "I can't agree to something like that. But.. I'll.. bring it up at the next Justice League meeting."
Uncle Sam nods. "You do that. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a tree to water."
He turns away and ambles back into the shed, while Kal-El looks like he doesn't know what to make of what just happened.
"You know, we could just make you king."
"Orange Lantern, it's still not the time."
"Alright. But can you bring up the idea of leaning on people about the Eye Drive? I'm used to government inefficiency, but not being able to fix Alzheimer's now that I know I can is going to wear at me."
"I'm sure Batman has a plan for that. Let's…" He sighs. "Let's just get out of here."
17:55 GMT -5
Kal-El blinks. "Excuse me?"
"It's not a complicated idea, son. Washington and Lincoln both exercised extraordinary power during times of crisis. Hell, that's why we have an executive; someone's got to make a decision."
"Are you.. saying that you want me to become President? Because-" He slowly shakes his head. "-that can't happen."
"The Hell it can't. According to the original Constitution, the runner up became Vice President. You came third."
"That was changed a long time ago."
"Clark, if there-" Kal-El can't quite stop himself reacting. "-was an election today, between you, Knight, and… Horne, or Suarez, or whoever else the Democrats put up, who would win?"
"I… Don't have a party supporting me. I wouldn't have.. the organisation."
"Phooey. Between your fan club and all the people you've helped out over the years, you could get one if you needed it and I don't think you would."
"I wouldn't have support in the House-."
I choke-laugh.
"… Orange Lantern?"
"Sir… No one is politically suicidal enough to say 'I voted against Superman'. If it happens, all you'd have to do is publically announce how sorry you were that the people on this list, from these constituencies, didn't feel able to support your reconstruction efforts, and they'd all be hit by recall elections before the news spot ended. There are good reasons for not doing this, but 'it wouldn't work' isn't one of them."
"We're not due another Presidential Election for three years, and by then the situation won't be the same."
"So get the Vice President to resign, have Knight nominate you and then resign himself."
Kal-El shakes his head, looking away from his interrogator. Unfortunately, his wandering eyes alight upon me, and I'm clearly looking like I think it's a decent idea.
"Okay, it-. It would make it harder for me to work with other countries if I was formally representing America, and I'm not eligible. I wasn't born in this country. I was born on Krypton, and I don't want to have to confirm my exact age."
Because while Kryptonian society appears to be fairly John Byrne, infant Kal-El was born on Krypton and came to Earth in a spaceship, rather than having his parents' genetic material loading into a hyperspace-capable artificial womb.
"And who else knows that?"
"My parents, most of the Justice League… Ah… Lex Luthor almost certainly knows. And I can't stand as Clark Kent either, for the exact same reasons. Look, I'm not going to pretend that I don't see an argument in favour of having a strong focal government figure during a time of national crisis, but doing that would completely undermine democracy, the rule of law… America."
"We… Could…" Zatanna looks nervous. "Try and get a constitutional amendment passed?"
Kal-El shakes his head. "That would be incredibly self-serving. I'm not-."
"No it would not. It would only be self-serving if you wanted it. You becoming President would make the office of President relevant again. Because right now, the highest authority in America is you, and the government is doing sweet Fanny Adams to help you out."
"I know it's not ideal, but we can't afford to step back yet."
"And I don't want you to. I want you to use the mechanisms of state that exist to handle these eventualities."
"Ah, if I may?"
Kal-El gives me an uncomfortable nod.
"The age thing is manageable. We can find a parallel universe where time moves at a different rate, you can take a two year holiday, won't even be a lie. But we can't do anything about 'natural born citizen' that doesn't involve lying. Which we can do, I can fabricate evidence pretty well, but I understand that you don't want to, and… Uncle Sam? I've beaten my head against this wall before. Kal-El isn't interested in becoming optimally efficient. He has red lines, and they're not moving. Lying to the American public to achieve public office appears to be one of those lines."
Uncle Sam sighs. "I respect your convictions, but I need you to understand that this is going to fray the fabric of American society in a way that's going to take decades to repair."
"I thought they'd handle it through devolution. Though if it really bothers you, why not run yourself? You're over thirty-five, and you were definitionally born in the United States."
"Because scarcely anyone remembers when I was a superhero. I don't have the personal renown to overcome the limits of the party political system. Can I at least be assured that you don't think that Knight is fit for office?"
"That's… Not my decision."
"On the contrary, 'President' is an elected office. It's everyone's decision."
"He… Hasn't recovered well."
"The nation needs dynamic, forceful leadership and it's stuck with an empty vessel who repeats back what the last person he spoke to told him. I don't hate Knight, there are plenty worse, but he should not be in office, and the only ones who can remove him are the members of the Justice League."
"We felt that backing him was the right thing to do."
"Being wrong isn't a crime. Not fixing it is making the entire population of the United States of America decide that their federal government isn't worth a wooden n-."
"How about Nathaniel Adams?"
They both look at me.
"I mean, I'm told it wasn't official, but he was the man we put in charge of the U.S. when the entire federal government was Anti-Lifed. He's well known, doesn't have a secret identity, he's over thirty-five as a matter of public record, he was born in the United States… I mean, it's him or Green Arrow, and Green Arrow isn't actually all that well known in his public identity."
Uncle Sam mulls it over. "He's not the man I want. He doesn't have the same degree of acclaim, and wouldn't really be much better than an actual politician. But he could do the job required."
Kal-El shakes his head. "I can't agree to something like that. But.. I'll.. bring it up at the next Justice League meeting."
Uncle Sam nods. "You do that. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a tree to water."
He turns away and ambles back into the shed, while Kal-El looks like he doesn't know what to make of what just happened.
"You know, we could just make you king."
"Orange Lantern, it's still not the time."
"Alright. But can you bring up the idea of leaning on people about the Eye Drive? I'm used to government inefficiency, but not being able to fix Alzheimer's now that I know I can is going to wear at me."
"I'm sure Batman has a plan for that. Let's…" He sighs. "Let's just get out of here."
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