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OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by OverMaster, Aug 27, 2018.

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  1. OverMaster

    OverMaster Most Terrible Cosmic Emperor

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    We Laugh at Killer Moth.

    We laugh at Killer Moth, of course we do. After all, the man's always wearing a ridiculous costume... just like the man who still wears a monocle and top hat well into the 21th century, or the guy who puts zebra stripes on a half of his suits. He never learns from experience, never knows when to give up, and has been beaten by every do gooder in Gotham. He copied all of his ideas and then just dressed them up with butterfly motifs, much like Green Arrow copied everything from Bats and the applied a coat of Robin Hood on it. He's pathetic. A natural born loser. He was made for us to laugh at him.

    And yet.

    I don't respect anyone in Arkham. Heck, I don't respect anyone period, out of the IRS and my lawyer. But if I had to come somewhere abysmally close to a vague shadow of a faint semblance of respect for anyone in Arkham, that'd be Killer Moth.

    Because Killer Moth knows he's pathetic and yet he keeps trying. Real idiots like Condiment King, or Kite-Man, or Crazy Quilt, they are under the delusions they're hot crap. They don't get their own joke. Moth gets it. He doesn't laugh at it, he just gets angry over it, and that's what makes him laughable, but he gets it. He doesn't drop the lame shtick, he could easily give himself another less lame name and costume and try and fail again, but he sticks to his moth guns, he is true to himself. He tries his best, like Sissyphus, to do the impossible and get respect for what he IS, instead of pleasing the stupid masses and changing for the sake of their plebeian tastes. I guess I can kind of admire that, even.

    That's what I like about Killer Moth. He doesn't have any brains, but he has real balls. Except when it comes to his daughter, but I've met that kid, and I've gotta admit, she's scary. I don't say this about many people. I don't say this about Darkseid. But that kid, she's just... like that... and yet Moth actually tries his best to be a father to that thing instead of suffocating her in her sleep. I hate brats and would drown mine if I had any, but I can kinda sorta something distantly resembling to respect that, too. I've never known anyone who sticks better to lost causes.

    That time we all thought Batman was dead, and we gathered to learn and deduce who had done it, Killer Moth wanted to take a photo with me and Lex. Lex didn't want to, of course, not only because of his public image, but because... well, because of his underworld image. But I convinced him, don't ask how. We took the damned photo with Killer Moth, and I'm sure that was the happiest day of his life. I could literally hear him quietly weeping in joy under the mask. He was in the same shot with the Joker and Lex Luthor. He had done it, brief and pointless as it had been.

    I wouldn't let anyone take a picture of me with the Riddler or Deathstroke unless they were dead and under my heel, but I did that for him. Because he makes me laugh.

    You have to laugh at Killer Moth, after all.
     
  2. OverMaster

    OverMaster Most Terrible Cosmic Emperor

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    Gift.

    "I honestly don't know what went wrong," a sincerely baffled Ayaka recalled, taking a hand to her chin.

    "Hrrrrmmmm!" Asuna growled.

    "I mean," Ayaka said. "Asakura-san and I did the best research we could to find her resting place. That went over excellently, I think we can all agree on that."

    Negi just sighed.

    Ayaka continued. "And then I hired the best specialist my family's money could locate and pay, and brought him over from Clock Tower itself to deliver on it. I ask of you, hasn't that worked out reasonably well too?"

    "As... As well as it ever could, I suppose..." Chisame ran a hand down her own face.

    "Then," Ayaka demanded, "why isn't Sayo-san happy with my gift?!"

    "Gee, I have no idea," Haruna snarled out a corner of her mouth, watching how Sayo's ghost madly raced all around, fleeing her own shambling, long decayed corpse, chasing after her moaning for a hug and headpat.

    "EEEEEEEEEEEKK!"

    Standing at a side with Ayaka and puffing on a cigarette, Sisigou Kairi shrugged his broad shoulders. "I imagine it'll be okay as soon as she grows used to the idea."
     
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  3. OverMaster

    OverMaster Most Terrible Cosmic Emperor

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    Let's Say You're in Danger: A Guide on Superheroes in the Unequally Universe.

    Let's say you're in danger. Doctor Doom, the Joker or the Underminer has you in a slow acting, painful death trap. The goods news are you don't have to worry; odds are a superhero will come to rescue you before long, and that 'before long' might even be before the death trap has killed you. The bad news are you've got to be careful when dealing with your rescuer. Proper etiquette is necessary after a heroic rescue, and each rescuer demands for their own approach to gratitude. Some are easier to remember and enact than others, but here are most of them for completions' sake.

    Superman: The golden standard, and you'll never meet a nicer guy anywhere. Anything you do will be fine with him, really. Odds are he won't have the time to stay and chat because there's always a kitten to be taken off a tree or a plane about to crash, but don't take it personally, he'd be glad to stop and have a nice conversation and inspirational talk with you if possible. Most often, he at least will have time to sign an autograph.

    Batman: He'll usually just disappear the second you've taken your eyes off him. Don't be weirded out if he never tells you anything. If he tries to inject you with anything, LET HIM DO IT, as odds are whoever had you caught infected you with some weird toxin to turn you into a minion lookalike.

    One Punch Man: Yes, this short bald man, this nonentity, is the one who has just saved you. Really. Your brain will refuse to accept it even if you have just seen him in action, but do a token effort to accept it and thank him. He won't look really grateful, but trust us, he will be.

    Birdman: He'll immediately offer his services to sue the villain who kidnapped you. Take him on the offer, as his prices tend to be reasonable and really, if you don't, who's to say he'll bother rescuing you next time, especially after you let the villain walk away free?

    Hawkgirl: Don't ever mention Birdman, and no, she is NOT Birdgirl, never bring that name up either. Be a gentleman and you should be okay, but don't expect much in the way of pleasantries.

    Spawn: Try not to vomit until he's gone. It'll be hard, what with his smell and the gore of the villain scattered all around you, but do your best. If you can't, it's not like he'll take it out on you, but...

    Any X-Man: For the love of God, don't start accusing them of being in league with the villain and throw bricks at their heads. That's how most of them end up fed up with humans and coming in league with villains.

    Power Girl: Try and keep your eyes on her face. You will not be able to regardless, but she can tell when someone has at least attempted...

    Hawkeye: NEVER call him Green Arrow.

    Green Arrow: NEVER call him Hawkeye.

    Namor: Okay, if he's bothered to rescue you, he's in a heroic phase this week. Just be polite but don't take much of his time, and please, never mention Aquaman, and everything should turn out okay.

    Spider-Man: Be patient if he starts ranting to you on how awful his week has been and/or giving a weirdass inspirational speech. Man's a real ball of nerves, don't be a dick and don't ever bring up what the mass media say. Try and laugh at his jokes, lame as they may be.

    Deadpool: Just give him any money you have on you and DO laugh at his jokes, or he'll make you the butt of the next one.

    War Machine: If you're interested on job applications for Stark International, his armor can print register forms. You only need asking for one.

    Green Lantern: She's into girls. If you are one, you can try your luck. If not, don't bother.

    Venom: Just... play along. Do act as if you believe every word of his insane intense Lethal Protector of the Innocent fever rant as he drools all over, stretching his huge claws like a maniac. If you've got any chocolate on you, give it to him and he'll be thankful enough. He'll split as soon as the cops arrive, and trust us, it will happen soon.

    Big Hero Six: Just let the robot run his medical scans on you and don't protest.

    Thor: You won't understand a single word of his archaic speech. Just nod and smile at everything.

    Captain Hero: Grab the villain's gun and shoot yourself before he gets you.

    Aquaman: A really jovial fellow, he'll only get upset if you go out of your way to be a dick and ask the 'talking to fish' questions. He's heard them all one million times before, believe us.

    Daredevil: If the villain has hit him a few times, often he'll address you while facing the nearest wall instead. This is... relatively normal for him. Don't question him on it.

    The Fantastic Four: If you're a young woman and Johnny Storm starts pestering you, feel free to slap him as hard and often as possible. None of the others will hold it against you.

    The Sailor Senshi: Mercury is the one to talk to whenever possible, but don't ignore the others too much either. It's a very fine line to walk onto.

    Tuxedo Kamen: He'll just leave before you even cay say anything, really.

    Section Eight: Turn around and run as fast as you possibly can. Don't ever look back. There's a slight chance of survival yet.

    The Great Lakes Avengers: If you survived the rescue attempt so far you'll survive anything. Relax and don't have a single worry, do whatever you want. Mock them at your own leisure. Don't be shocked if Mr. Immortal tries to kill himself.

    Wonder Woman: She's still trying to get used to the ways of man's world. Be patient with her. If you're a man and she calls you 'sperm bank' she doesn't mean harm, that's just how Amazons call men and old habits are hard to break, but she isn't hitting on you either. Usually will use her Lasso of Truth to see if you and the villain weren't just setting a trap for her. There's no way around it, so you'd better have led a clean life so far.

    The Spectre: He'll have left a psychiatrist's card by your side so you can start your slow path to recovery from what he did to the villain before your eyes as soon as you wake up from your faint of horror and disgust. His psychiatrists are top quality, so don't worry about that part.

    The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Just try to stomach the unbearable stench of sewer and force civil chuckles at the lame puns of the one in the orange bandana. They'll be gone before long anyway.

    Darkwing Duck: Accept his signed photos and assorted memorabilia, they sometimes are worth a few dollars or yen online. Often hangs around a really cute girl in twintails, zettai ryouiki, the world's shortest skirt and the world's tighest red sweater who is bi, keeping a horny sister at home, and open to anything NOT involving the duck. Just in case you are interested. The VN says she's eighteen, so it should be fine.
     
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2019
  4. chiufan95

    chiufan95 Seibaface!Richard The Lionheart

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    Who’s captain hero and section eight?
     
  5. OverMaster

    OverMaster Most Terrible Cosmic Emperor

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    Captain Hero is from the animated series Drawn Together, and Section Eight come from DC's Hitman comics.
     
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  6. Akuma-Heika

    Akuma-Heika The Devil Exists Within

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    Often hangs around a really cute girl in twintails, zettai ryouiki, the world's shortest skirt and the world's tighest red sweater who is bi, keeping a horny sister at home, and open to anything NOT involving the duck. Just in case you are interested. The VN says she's eighteen, so it should be fine.
    Who is she?
     
  7. OverMaster

    OverMaster Most Terrible Cosmic Emperor

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    Unequally's Tohsaka Rin.

    Also Unequally based.

    ---

    The Eye Has It.

    "I have come," Odin said gravelly, "for information on the Ragnarok Initiative."

    "Oh my," Belldandy took a hand to her cheek. "We would love to help, Lord Odin, but you know we are under severe regulations from our mainframe not to share any Omega Level data, even to the likes of you, without a proper--"

    Urd rasped. "What Bell's trying to say, sir, is there is a price to be paid for knowledge."

    "State your price, Norns," Odin humbly lowered his head.

    Skuld hummed. "Hmmmm! Okay, then, what about--"

    ---

    "-- and you really asked him for THIS?!" Yuuna gasped in disbelief, pointing at the eyeball her roommate kept in a tank filled with a crystal clear liquid. "What use could you ever have for a guy's eye?"

    "A god's eye, Yuuna," Skuld dryly corrected her from her drawing board. "Who knows, maybe I could need to clone him someday, or something like that..."
     
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  8. wellis

    wellis Experienced.

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    Does Darkwing Duck force her to work with him? :p I guess she couldn't stick around with Shirou for whatever reason? :D
    Hah :D Great way of connecting the myth & anime. :p
     
  9. OverMaster

    OverMaster Most Terrible Cosmic Emperor

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    Upgrade.

    "I am sorry, Herald," Galactus spoke, as gravelly as ever. "But I have seen the need to access the Golden Plan of Intergalactic Scouting in my never ending quest for susteinance. Thus, meet... The Golden Surfer."

    The shiny gold figure hovering next to the World Devourer smiled, and his mouth full of flawless golden teeth sparkled.

    Norrin Radd took pause. "Very well..." he said at last. "Far from me to question Galactus' wisdom. So, am I free now?"

    "Whatever gave you that idea?" Galactus asked. "You are to be taken to Cosmic Toilet Cleaning duty..."
     
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