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Concord Security Group.

Formerly of Paladin.

 

I am KanColle's Yuudachi. Also known as the Nightmare of Solomon. Poi~

 

1: Holy shit I'm now a moderately attractive female! Time to get laid~
2: Oh shit oh shit! If the Sekirei don't get me, then the Professor will, and if she doesn't then the police definitely will!

 

Huh, I suddenly have thirty wives, and am a retired badass training my granddaughter? Well, I can live with that.

 

Indeed it is Bii. I work at one in Coquitlam.

 

I still die of aphyxiation.

You would think I'd have fixed that problem by now, huh?

 

1) I am now awesome! I get two chances at everything, including escaping my former home while looking like a child molester in a gimp suit and getting a new identity!

2) I am now completely screwed! I have no idea how many plots Calvert is running at the same time, the first time I meet with Tattletale she'll be able to tell I'm an imposter, and I am also going to die within two years from GIANT GOLDEN LASERBEAM, possibly earlier from some other fatal affliction like bullet.

 

A knife can quickly fix your problem.

 

Scenario 1 - :3

Scenario 2 - Oh dear, I like Mithra/Miqo'te but I've never actually played much final fantasy. I'll have no idea what's going on.

 

I am an avatar of Death and an Uber Creation Goddess. I fight crime.

That or I play with my pretty magical girl hair all day.

 

Find Hildibrand Manderville.

The Gentleman of Light shall lead you to victory.

 

Scenario 1: There will be mass suicides from any creatures/humans located near me
Scenario 2. Kill everyone that comes after me for such mass deaths. It would eventually escalate until I kill everyone.

 

1. Great, now I am too big to fit into my apartment and probably not suited for my job. Good thing that won't matter because I'll be hunted down by the government because I break the known laws of aerodynamics every time I fly, or as a perfect addition to a zoo or theme park somewhere. Damn my childish fascination with overgrown fire breathing lizards. Hopefully I have a human form, make my "hoard" beautiful women, and live my life as a typical QQ Dragon.

2. I just picked a cool looking dragon pic a friend showed me a year or so ago, I have no idea if it has a franchise. Thank the gods Exalted doesn't have dragons like this, because the green sun in the background makes me think Malfeas. Plan QQ Dragon is still a go.

 

When the solution to your problem is "stab your own face," you are in dire need of different problems.

 

Unfortunately, Exalted does. Malfeas is the best place to find them, as a matter of fact.

 

1. First and foremost, I wake up. Seeing as shape shifting is now a part of my repertoire of abilities as a genderbent ultimate life form, I don't actually have to worry about the having no identity thing. Other than that though the world is basically my oyster, my IQ has been boosted to 400, so I can more or less solve any problem I put my mind to, and given I'm immortal and effectively unkillable by all modern technology short of nukes, I have sufficient time to solve them. I probably never have to eat either because I can turn parts of my body into plants and then produce sunlight through ripple breathing, allowing me to be what amounts to a biological perpetual motion machine.

Also, SEX:USELESS. I am forever barred from teh lewds.

2. I can probably get the Red Stone of Aja by not being a reasonable Pillar (Wo)man and not antagonizing the hamon warriors. Like seriously, that's probably all it would take. Joseph was willing to hear out Santana, it wouldn't be too much of a stretch for him to hear me out provided I don't try and murder him.

 

Speckled Burd, is it bad that my first impression of your avatar's fluttering loincloth was that, rather than by the wind, it must have been held out in front of her by a massive cock?

Perhaps I've stayed overlong on QQ...

 

It's quite reasonable to assume that the perfect lifeform is futanari.

 

Aye aye, sempai!
After all, how can they be perfect without the best of both worlds?

 

Anything is possible when you are a shapeshifter.

 

*shudders* I'm just going to keep thinking it's the wind... Though shapeshifting is a neat power. And just because sex is useless doesn't mean you can't enjoy it... unless that's part of the problem?

 

SCIENCE HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The reason that SEX=USELESS for Ultimate Life Form Kars is because in becoming the Ultimate Life Form he has gained the ability to control his entire genome at will while avoiding deleterious mutations that would cause him to die, basically allowing him to shapeshift by way of brute forcing evolutionary change. Evolutionarily, sex in organisms serves two main purposes, creating offspring to replace the ones that are going to inevitably die off and creating genetic variation within the next generation through several different mechanisms that I won't get into. Since Kars is immortal and in complete control of his genome, the evolutionary purpose of sex is what has been rendered useless for him. Presumably, he would still be able to orgasm, or bring himself to orgasm either.

On simultaneous hermaphroditism, it's a pretty safe assumption that it would never occur in any apex organism, let alone an Ultimate Life Form. The only organisms you typically see who are monoecious are either plants or primitive invertebrate organisms such as tapeworms, snails, and earthworms. The advantages that come from possessing functional sets of both genitalia are only really advantages in sessile organisms (plants) or slow moving organisms that aren't likely to run into other organisms of their species very frequently and therefore need to be able to breed with them when the time comes to ensure genetic variability in the next generation (earthworms/tapeworms).

 

...well. I am now my own original character.

If I'm at home, my life is about to get very Interesting, but not quite as interesting as everyone else's. The medical nanites in my bloodstream were designed to spread automatically once introduced to a population, to ensure they would be distributed equally. So they're going to start multiplying and "infecting" everyone nearby. Before too long the human race will be effectively immune to all known diseases, capable of halting the aging process at any point they like, and recover from grievous physical injuries that would otherwise have been permanent.

So.... yeah. Fun times for everyone.

If I'm in his setting, well, I know academically what he does, but that doesn't mean I'd be capable of doing his job for him, and all of his friends & family are going to know something's up right away. So that won't turn out too pleasantly either.

 

Soooo.... the pleasure aspect of sex is still a go then? Even if it means nothing for yourself? Satisfy your partner and make another you?

 

The absence of simultaneous hermaphroditism is a sign that the life-form in question is insufficiently perfect.

 

God tried that one a while back. Turns out they forgot the whole "find someone else to breed with" thing once they figured out they could do it with themselves.


And that's how masturbation killed the dinosaurs.

 

Satisfaction of yourself and your partner? Yes. Making another you not so much as that would involve creating competition against yourself that wouldn't normally exist.

Nah the absence of simultaneous hermaphroditism is a sign that simultaneous hermaphroditism isn't an effective evolutionary strategy compared to having two distinct sexes or even sequential hermaphroditism.

If it actually was effective, it'd be predominant in nature, but it ain't.

Exactly, simultaneous hermaphroditism stripped that mighty creature of its status as an apex organism.